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There were a lot of first times with Takasugi, so many that he could potentially barf while remembering them, or fall asleep while counting them.
He could classify them all under the worst thing that happened to him if he were ever asked how things with Takasugi was.
Deep down, though, as much as he hated it, he loved every single moment with Takasugi.
Most of the moments (75% approximately) were stupid and illogical, but there were moments he could never forget.
.
.
The first time he met him, Takasugi Shinsuke, he thought of him just as someone who doesn’t give up.
“Do you not know when to give up?” he raised a brow, staring at him.
“I want a match against you!” Takasugi exclaimed, looking serious.
He kept defeating him, and Takasugi still kept challenging him. The guy even got a special word from Shouyou, quite an achievement for a rich runt like him.
But, all of them—the defeats, bruises, special talks, excitement—everything gave a fruitful (bitter would be a better word, according to a certain perm head) reward.
(The day Takasugi defeated him became a memorable day, something, for some reason, got stuck in his mind for years.)
The first time he saw Takasugi laugh was a moment he would never forget and swore to protect the soul of the Takasugi Shinsuke of Shoka Sonjuku.
The strike pushed him backwards, and he fell on the ground earning Takasugi a point after so many attempts.
People surrounded Takasugi, all in praise and awe. He, after all, defeated that Gintoki and not to mention he defeated the dojo.
"Oi! What's with the cosy atmosphere?! He defeated the dojo!" Gintoki exclaimed, pointing at the mentioned people.
“Now, now, let it be and have some onigiri," a long-haired (shoulder length) kid, who would soon become Zura, patted him.
“Whose side are you on?! Why should I have an onigiri some stranger made?!” Gintoki accused.
“Who told that you can eat them? Just make them,” Katsura said.
“Oh, were we not supposed to have it?” Shouyou asked, laughing.
“That was quick!”
And soon, he felt himself noticing Takasugi’s laugh, Zura’s long protests, and his classmates’ happiness, bracing the moment, hoping that it would last forever and most of all stay surrounded by everyone and besides Shouyou.
.
.
The first time he talked to him as a fellow student was when he invited Takasugi to the school.
"Takasugi…was it? Don't get too cocky by just one win," he turned back. "If you want to compensate for your losses, come again tomorrow," he felt cool while saying those words. How he wished he could have seen the face of his rival—the utter shock and admiration (probably, he has to anyway, the line was cool).
He hadn’t seen Takasugi the next day, and Gintoki put him under the tsundere-emo category since then.
He would see Takasugi looking at the class through the fence, notice him all alone in the shrine where, according to Takasugi’s flashback, was their first meet. But, he paid no heed and continued to sleep during class, or ignore him and follow Shouyou.
.
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The first time they fought beside each other or was about to, was when he heard from Zura that the riches were up to something.
“Sakata Gintoki, the disciple of Yoshida Shouyou and a student studying in Shoka Sonjuku.”
“Katsura Kotaro, likewise,”
“Takasugi Shinsuke, likewise,”
And Gintoki never felt this overwhelmed, these two morons were a perfect fit for Shoka Sonjuku—a place for other idiots and good-for-nothings’.
“You seem to found people like you,” Shouyou commented in amusement.
“Right?” he flickered a booger away.
.
.
The first time he felt hopeless and wished for Takasugi’s company was when Shouyou was taken away.
“Gintoki, take care of everyone for me,” Shouyou smiled at him, like always.
He, on the other hand, never felt this helpless. He could not hear anyone and was not able to yell any louder. He screamed and screamed, his voice rising in an infinite void without anyone, trying to reach out desperately—grabbing onto something.
A hand reached over, and before he knew it, he was shaken into reality.
“Gintoki, oi, Gintoki!” Takasugi yelled, shaking him. “Wha—why was sensei taken away?” he asked.
Gintoki could not respond, his vocal cord was burning, just like the place around him. He felt Zura beside him, rubbing his back to soothe him. He was always the mother of the group, while he was an idiot, he was also the smartest of the three.
“Calm down, we are here,” Zura murmured, rubbing his hand in circles.
“They—they just,” Gintoki stammered, searching for words. “They came out of nowhere and took Sho—sensei away,” he said looking down while leaning towards Takasugi who held him.
Zura remained silent, while Takasugi cursed under his breath. Gintoki stared at the ground in front of him, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“I was weak,” he whispered to himself.
There was a pause for what felt like hours, and Gintoki almost assumed no one heard him till he heard Takasugi whisper.
“No, you weren’t, you will never be,” he said, gripping Gintoki tightly. “Idiots won’t know what strong and weak means,”
That, kind of, soothed him despite it being an insult.
.
.
The first time he made a big decision with Takasugi was when he decided to bring back Shouyou. That day he decided to enter the war to save the teacher that meant the world to him.
“I have already told the others to go home and not stay,” he heard Zura speak while walking towards him. “You should stay over at mine for tonight,”
Gintoki didn’t say a word, while Takasugi was at the edge still looking at the fire—ashes now, in front of him.
“I assume sensei was taken away because he was teaching us how to wield a sword,” Zura continued.
Gintoki gritted his teeth in annoyance, “he never even planned to send us to—anything,” he said.
“I know,” Zura sighed. “The government is pretty strict, they had already eradicated half of the rebels—”
“Why do you even know so much?” Gintoki raised a brow, from the corner of the eye he saw Takasugi walking towards them—his eyes looked so sad. Shifting his gaze away from the smaller man, he directed his attention back at Zura.
“Because, unlike you, I read newspapers every day,” Zura retorted.
“Sadasada, the current shogun in case you don’t know,” Takasugi spoke for the first time after an hour. “He most likely could have ordered to take down anyone who is a potential rebel, and sensei is already considered…” he trailed off, and Gintoki did not have to be a genius to understand what he was about to say.
And, for the first time, Gintoki was unable to look at Takasugi’s eyes. He didn’t understand the feeling he had—bitterness, guilt, sadness, helplessness, hate, everything he felt them all rush in like adrenaline.
‘Damn crows,’ he thought bitterly. “Stupid people,” he got up from his place. “I decided—” he looked at Takasugi and Zura, this time with sheer determination. “That I’ll save sensei,”
“We,” Takasugi corrected immediately. “We’ll save him,”
Gintoki stared at him in surprise, he was about to protest but Zura beat him.
“You think you can handle them by yourself?” Zura smirked. “Three is better than one, Gintoki.”
“You guys…” Gintoki stared at them, putting his head down, he smiled. “Don’t hold me down, shawty,”
“Fuck off, if anyone that’ll lag between us it will be you,” Takasugi sneered.
“We were going so well, but you had to swear, right?!” Gintoki accused, pointing a finger at him. “We are under general category, you fucking asshole,”
“You just swore too,” Zura murmured. “And I’m pretty sure it’ll change later, considering how inconsistent it is,"
Gintoki raised his—Shouyou’s sword—high up in pride, “We’ll bring him back safely,” he concluded.
.
.
The first time they kissed, was not memorable. He didn't even remember how he felt when they kissed—they were dead drunk. This is what happens when you give minors alcohol.
“I swear to God,” Gintoki slurred, leaning over to Takasugi who was equally red. “Ya are really annoyin’ yet yer so pu-retty,” he dragged the words.
“Yeah?” Takasugi raised a brow.
“Yeah,” Gintoki nodded. “I am so out of character right now,” he added, staring into Takasugi’s deep green eyes who stared back at him.
"You are drunk," Takasugi slurred. He swayed a little, but he reached to grab a fistful of Gintoki's hair.
Their noses were touching, breaths tickling each other, and they were just centimetres apart.
“I know, that’s why ‘am doin’ this,” Gintoki said, leaning over to close the distance between them.
It was chaste, small just like Takasugi, somehow sweet despite the sake that mingled with them.
“You taste horrible,” Takasugi commented pulling apart.
Gintoki laughed, “It was the sake,” he said, leaning once again. Takasugi grunted but he still compiled, kissing him breathless.
The next day, they never remembered—at least, Gintoki didn’t—and had never pulled it up anytime.
.
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The first time he makes a promise to Takasugi was in the middle of a battlefield.
“Gintoki, this might be the last time,” Takasugi started, and he knew where this was going. “Why are you fighting in this war? To be famous in history books?”
“Only the Hon’ble would die for reasons like that,” he commented. “Not me, or you,” he added.
He could hear a small chuckle from Takasugi, “That’s right, we are not respectable men like Zura and Tatsuma, we're good-for-nothing who doesn't get bushido,”
He had the urge to correct him by saying 'Gin-san is not a good-for-nothing,' but he wisely remained silent.
“But, there are some things only good-for-nothings can understand," Takasugi said. "Gintoki, if I die…" he continued. "Take care of sensei. This is a favour I can only ask a fellow good-for-nothing.”
He was reminded of Shouyou and his promise. He won't let the short guy die, not till he is still breathing.
“Then, let me say this as a fellow good for nothing: don’t die,” he said immediately, and the two of them dashed ahead.
Later, at the night, he was glad to find Takasugi still breathing the same air as him. The next day, the same happens, and the next, and the week after that—soon every day, he is glad to see Takasugi at the end of the day.
.
.
The first time they had sex was way after their first kiss.
Not because they were lovers or something, don’t get the wrong idea—his voice actor is not Kugimiya Rie, it was because.
He had absolutely no reason, he just kept it under the most memorable moments in his life. The thing was, neither of them was drunk—no, they were tired. Tired of everything, and hence they gave in to each other for the first time which would go on for another set of months.
(That, Gintoki mused, was definitely the best thing that happened between them.)
He sat on the engawa of their base idly (an abandoned house), staring at yet another grave of his comrade, it was sickening and tiring to see so many corpses. It never bothered him during the day before he met Shouyou, but now it haunted him more than he thought.
He let them die. If only, he was strong enough then maybe—
“What are you doing,” he heard a familiar voice inquire, no state. Turning back, he saw Takasugi leaning on the door.
“Nothing, just,” he trailed off, not wanting to answer.
“Regretting?” Takasugi supplied, sitting beside him. “Hating yourself? Feeling like a failure?” he continued.
Biting his tongue, Gintoki stayed tight-lipped. Takasugi let out a sigh, “This is how war works, Gintoki,”
“You think I don’t know that?” he raised a silver brow, staring at the shorter guy.
“I know, you know about this stuffs better than me,” Takasugi said. “But, perhaps, I know better on how to deal with them than you do,”
"Tell me, bastard, how does your highness deal with them?" Gintoki narrowed his eyes, when he didn't get a response he smirked lightly. "That's what I thought." He said smugly, "Short people should just keep their mouths shut,"
“I write,” Takasugi interrupted. “Something, it sometimes comes out as a poem while other times it’s just a string of words,” he finished, staring at the sky that was filled with stars.
Gintoki felt his cheeks burn, somehow the sight of Takasugi memorizing the scene in front of them was mesmerizing. “Oh,” he said dumbly. “I—I didn’t peg you as a writer,”
“You don’t know me much, Gintoki,” Takasugi shrugged.
Now, there are two ways this will lead to. One is the usual fighting, and the other is something Gintoki had only in his peaceful dreams. Gulping, he prepared himself, knowing full well he was testing waters.
“Oh?” he felt his lips curve upwards. “Will you care to tell me then?”
If Takasugi understood him, he would say something or ignore but if he didn’t—Gintoki didn’t really have an answer to that.
“It’s a lot to take in,” Takasugi said, and Gintoki’s heart skipped a beat in excitement.
Leaning forward, he pushed Takasugi’s hair from his face and brushed his thumb over his lips. “I have all night,” he smiled.
Takasugi didn’t say anything else, he just crashed his lips against Gintoki, who kissed him with just as much eagerness.
Gintoki pulled Takasugi by his waist to be in a better position, while Takasugi tangled his hair with his hands.
The perm head bit the shorter guy’s lip, asking for permission to which the latter obliged by letting out a small moan. They pulled apart after what felt like decades, panting heavily.
They gazed at each other through half-lidded eyes, and once again leaned in to kiss. Carefully, Gintoki pushed Takasugi inside the house, while crawling inside himself.
Takasugi propped himself on one of his elbows while pulling Gintoki by his other hand. The latter closed the door the separated the dead and the alive, leaning in to kiss the guy.
Slowly, yet steadily, they soon removed whatever barriers that were between them.
“Got any idea about me?” Takasugi panted, biting a moan.
Gintoki grunted, biting the shorter man's inner thigh. "No, I need more," he said, trailing hot wet kisses across the thigh and travelling upwards.
"There are lots more—fuck," Takasugi gasped when he felt a pair of warm lips on his head.
“I am excited,” Gintoki mumbled, looking up to meet Takasugi’s gaze.
.
.
The first time he avoids Takasugi is when he had to choose between Shouyou and his comrades.
He stared at the familiar body in front of him, beside him were some ugly looking crows, one of them in particular caught his eye because of the scar on the guy's face.
“Gintoki, please,” Takasugi’s pleads fell deaf on his ears as he strolled towards Shouyou, hands shivering as he got closer to his destination.
He gripped his sword tightly, his heart rate is definitely way too high for a sweet lover, and nothing about this situation calmed him.
He watched as his teacher tilted his head slightly to face him, “Thank you,” he whispered with a smile. That was enough to bring his senses back, enough for him to realize that he had a great teacher.
“Please, don’t!” Takasugi yelled loudly as he slashed his sword against his master’s head.
He stared at the body with tears trailing down his cheek. If only, there could have been a better way.
He heard a few rustles from Takasugi, who somehow managed to get out of the grip of the crows, running towards him not long before he lost his left eye.
Gintoki could not muster the courage to look at his friends, not when he feels this—dead. And, so he avoids.
Avoids everything and everyone, he kept avoiding, avoiding and avoiding till he got used to it.
.
.
The first time they had a conversation that did not lead to an immediate fight was after they buried the dead.
“I fucking hate you,” Takasugi murmured. “Hate you so goddamn much,”
Gintoki did not ask for the reason, as he knew the reason way too well.
“I also hate this world, now,” Takasugi continued, he let out a chuckle, “Just as much as I hate you,” he added.
Gintoki still remained silent. He wanted to tease him, pull him to a hug and whatnot, but he chose to stay silent and listen.
“And now, I—” Takasugi didn’t say anymore. He let out a sob, which came out as a cough, and instinctively Gintoki patted him on the back.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” Takasugi swatted his hand away, “You—” he paused. Gintoki wanted to know the next part, but he didn’t know what to say anymore.
Takasugi walked away, without turning back. The next day, Zura did too, and later Tatsuma, soon he was all alone once again.
He missed Shouyou, missed being just a student, missed Zura’s onigiri, missed Tatsuma’s stupidity and most of missed Takasugi as a whole—from his insults, stupidity to his kisses, smiles.
.
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The first time he had a dream about Takasugi, which was surprisingly not a wet dream, was when he finally got a place other than the jail to live.
The old lady, Otose was her name, gave him a chance for which he didn’t know whether to be grateful or not.
After all, he has no idea what to do. The days went by in a blink, the same thing repeated every single day—wake up, drink, eat, sleep. The only eventful thing was his dreams, which varied a lot.
The most recurring one was when he had to cut down Shouyou with his two—one hand. Though there were dreams where he was just sleeping in the class while Shouyou continued to teach, it was rare.
But, for the first time, he got a dream about Takasugi.
No, he had many dreams about Takasugi, most of them were either he defeated him or just those plain old wet dreams that keeps him hard throughout.
This dream in particular, though, was terrifying, so terrifying that he had woken up panting hard—like those times when his old comrades, Shouyou, all haunted him.
(Thinking back, he realized that his dreams had almost predicted the future.)
Gintoki stared at the ground beneath him, it was red. The walls beside were red, everything around him was red, blood red.
He felt like puking, at least that would leave a different colour in this bloody place.
“Gintoki..?” he heard someone whisper, pulling him closer. Turning, he saw Takasugi with one eye bloody while the other looked at him with despair.
“Taka—”
“Don’t.” Takasugi shushed him. After a few moments, when Takasugi concluded that he wouldn’t interrupt, he continued. “I—I can’t do this anymore,” he confessed.
Gintoki remained silent, hearing him out.
“You just had to choose me, you could have killed me,” Takasugi continued. “It’s because of you,” he gritted out in anger.
“It’s because of you all this is happening,” he glared at the taller man. “You killed sensei, Gintoki, you killed me,”
“I—I didn’t,”
“Snap out of it, there’s no way I’ll survive,”
"What the hell are you talking about? Your eye is the only—" it was then the scene changed suddenly, and he was in a random place full of cherry blossoms.
And, Takasugi was beautiful, despite being covered in blood.
“You did this for yourself, how many corpses will walk on, Shiroyasha?” Takasugi taunted.
“Shinsuke,” he muttered for the first time.
“I hate you, I hate you so much,” Takasugi walked towards him, dragging himself slowly. Reaching over he tugged Gintoki by his hair with one hand, while the other reached over to pull his hand to himself.
“I fucking hate you for everything,” he continued pulling Gintoki, and before he could register something, his sword, cut him.
He got up in shock, breathing heavily, and sweat dripping down from his head.
“It was a dream,” he sighed in relief.
.
.
The first time Takasugi didn’t cross his mind after ten whole years was when he met Kagura and Shinpachi.
These two brats, who were (are) his two blunt and unbreakable swords. The ones that gave him hope, a reason to live, and filled his empty dead life.
“Gin-chan, Gin-chan, can you give me 2000 yen, please?” Kagura asked, attempting to look cute. (Curse his soft heart, because he almost gives in.)
“Huh?” he drawled. “Why should I give a glutton like you 2000 yen?”
“Who are you callin’ glutton, you old man?”
“How dare you call Gin-san old, stupid brat!”
“Only old men would be like you!”
"You idiot! Old men always forget things," he pointed at himself smugly, "This young shounen here, remembers everything!"
"Then, Gin-san, please remember that you still haven't paid us!" the glasses-wearing human, ("It's the opposite!") looked at the older guy.
“Okay, okay, Gin-san is old!” Gintoki whined. “Kids don’t even have any manners,” he pouted.
“Kagura-chan,” Shinpachi started, “Why do you need 2000 yen?” he asked.
“Apparently, there’s a new store in Kabukicho district,” Kagura shrugged. “My friends thought of shopping there and get some new clothes, then I thought ‘why not?’” she said.
“Changing your appearance will confuse the viewers,” Gintoki said, “Remember what happened to Shinpachi?”
“Can you not bring it up?”
"We are no longer on the TV screen, we are in some random horrible fanfiction, changing my clothes won't change anything," she pointed out. "'Sides Shinpachi has a horrible sense of fashion,"
“Hey, you!” Shinpachi rebuked.
“Oi, oi, Shinpachi is the basic character,” Gintoki explained, he could see Shinpachi nod his head approvingly.
“That’s why the only good thing about him is his glasses,” Kagura teased.
“Oi!” Shinpachi twitched. “Kagura-chan, my appearance and character changes a lot over the course,”
“So does mine!”
Gintoki watched the two brats fight among themselves, with slight violence by the Yato and straightness from Shinpachi. He felt his lip curve upwards, feeling his chest bubble up the sight in front of him.
“Let’s go eat outside tonight,” Gintoki suddenly suggested. “I’ll pay,” he added.
“Really? Yahoo!” Kagura cheered, tackling him to a hug. “Gin-chan, can I have BBQ?” she asked.
"You want me to lose my wallet, brat?" he glared playfully at her.
“Kagura-chan, we should be happy that Gin-san is finally behaving like an adult,”
“I’ll have meat, hamburger, soft cream…” Kagura drooled at her list, ignoring the other two Yorozuya members.
Gintoki smiled, getting up to grab his sword and wallet, “Let’s go to the all-you-can-eat restaurant,” he said.
“Oh, if I remember clearly, there’s a game in one of them where if someone can complete eating in 30 minutes, they’ll get free food,”
“Shinpachi, do you remember the shop?”
“Of course, I do, Gin-san,” Shinpachi laughed. “It is made for Kagura-chan,”
“If I win there, will I get to eat everything?” Kagura looked at them, excitement in her cerulean blue eyes.
“Yes, that is if you eat in 30 minutes,”
The three members bid goodbye to Sadaharu who barked in response and walked to their destination having small, stupid talks in between.
Later, that day, Gintoki would realize that he hadn’t seen Shouyou, Takasugi in his dreams, during the day—everywhere in a long time.
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The first time he met Takasugi after 10 years was during the festival.
“Don’t move,” he whispered, pointing his blade at him. The first thing Gintoki noticed about him is how his hands were still the same—small and soft. He almost felt like grabbing it and pulling Takasugi to himself.
“Was this your idea?” Gintoki asked, staring at the commotion in front of him.
“I just polished his fangs, that is all,” Takasugi smirked. “You, on the other hand, lost your fangs, Gintoki,”
“Oh, I have one beast,” Gintoki said, holding his sword, grazing his finger against Takasugi instinctively. “Its name?” he turned back to punch him. “Sadaharu,” he said.
He rushed over to Gengai, leaving Takasugi by himself. Maybe he should have tried to talk with him, it would save a lot of problems.
But, now, his concern was Kagura and Shinpachi. No one else.
He jumped over to take down the robots while yelling out the most Shounen MC lines he has ever uttered to the old man.
Walking over to the place he saw Takasugi after ten years, he was not surprised that the shorter man had left.
He changed a lot, Gintoki noted, and slowly his nightmares started becoming his reality.
.
.
The first time he claimed to take down his head for real was during the Benizakura arc. There was not much for Gintoki to mention, no touching, no deep talks, no insults, nothing. Just him claiming to take down Takasugi’s head as a way, probably, to put an end to his suffering.
Gintoki is not an idiot, he knows very well why Takasugi is behaving like this. He knows why the one-eyed man feels the need to take down the perm, he knows how the emo samurai feels—he knows.
Yet, he didn’t do much about it, he just watched as Takasugi lost himself more and more. From the Benizakura to the breaking of Shinsengumi, the association with the Hitotsubashi faction and the Mimawagari, the assassination of SadaSada and lastly the assassination attempt on the Shogun—Takasugi was everywhere.
His alter ego remained standing, and will always stand as long as he stands.
When the Oboro guy lost his eye, (an eye for an eye, he thought,) they took an oath to take down the guy. Whether it be him, or Takasugi, either of them will take the guy, who took the world from them, down.
He didn't get the time to talk with Takasugi again, because right after the whole incident came in the Gorilla's execution. As much as Takasugi was important to him, his home, in the end, was where not just Yorozuya was, but also where the Gorilla, Mayo-bastard and Souichiro-kun was. To him, the Kabukichou district was not his home, but the people in it was.
And not to mention, the whole Shouyou-was-alive-all-along twist—what kind of shounen protagonist goes through this mental torture?
Then, he heard the news of Takasugi in a coma. It scared him for a second, but he composed himself because he'd be the one to take down the yakulk lover, not anything or anyone else.
(He laughed at the thought now, because in the end, what he said did happen.)
When he saw Takasugi standing on the top with the same nonchalant expression, he felt all his worries vanish. Utsuro, Kagura and her idiotic family, everything just flew out of mind for a moment.
It was just Takasugi and him, later Zura and Tatsuma. It was like he went back in time when his only worry was if he'd be alive to see Shouyou and if he'd lose to Takasugi.
“How does it feel to be a liability to a guy who just left a sickbed?” Takasugi asked.
“How does it feel to be forced to rely on that liability to survive?” he had asked. The robot behind them blasted.
“It sucks,” they said simultaneously.
Later, he would separate from him once again, and deal with the blood-thirsty brother. He broke his arm way too many times the past few arcs, and it was not a good sign.
Surprises, he lastly concluded, was the worst. Oboro being his senior student, Shouyou’s suffering, and Takasugi’s goals now— everything was supposed to surprise him but it didn’t.
“Nothing surprises me anymore,” he told Tatsuma and Zura who was silent.
Currently, he had only one thing in his mind, and it was the same as Takasugi's—takedown Utsuro. He laughed bitterly, they always had the same goals but had taken a different approach every single time.
.
.
The first time he sees Takasugi in the burnt down school after everything that happened to him was after he got Utsu—Shouyou’s heart. After he left his current family to save his old family—or help, he didn't know why he did it, but he did it to stop Utsuro.
He saw Takasugi paying his respects, to what he assumes is Oboro’s grave, “That’s weird, I don’t remember seeing a grave here, and definitely did not remember dead spirits here,” he said without missing a beat.
“Unfortunately, I went and made a promise,” Takasugi immediately, and both of them withdrew their sword right after that.
From the corner of his eyes, he saw the scratch that he gave Takasugi disappear, his eyes widened at that.
“Do you want to join this side, too?” Takasugi smirked, lightly.
“Takasugi, you…” Gintoki muttered in shock.
Suddenly, they were surrounded by cops, and he saw an all too familiar face after two long years.
That short bastard used his perm-head to escapes from the cops, getting him arrested in the process.
“Bastard,” he murmured to himself.
Later, he found himself joking around with Takasugi during an attack—they were idiots after all. Also, he refused to believe that the short asshole played Portopia.
.
.
The first time he felt pity and confessed to Takasugi was when he realized that the latter was dying. Also, when he had his last (kind of) sweet moment with him.
Seeing Takasugi break into a coughing spit made him realize how late he was—he should have stopped him earlier, or maybe just talked to him earlier but he avoided and fled, like the coward he was.
“Takasugi…what have—how did you end up like this?” he asked, despite knowing the answer thanks to the mayo bastard.
Soon, he was given the most detailed answer the guy would have given to him.
“The regenerative abilities is already pretty low, now, I don’t have much time,” Takasugi said, with a sad look.
Gintoki felt pity, and regret flooding inside him. Where was he when Takasugi decided to give up on his life?
Why did you do this? What will happen to me if you are not there? What would you say if…
“Where is this boat going?” he asked, choosing to ignore all his other questions.
“Edo.”
They didn’t talk much for a long time—only for half an hour though,--they just stared at either each other or the waters.
He didn’t know what did the trick, but he knew this would happen. He found himself kissing the shorter guy deeply.
Takasugi responded with equal need, tugging his slightly wet hair and pulling him closer. He travelled his hands down the guy’s body, feeling every inch, reminiscing every part.
Lifting him off the feet, he whispered. “Room?”
“There’s a bed right around the corner,” Takasugi muttered, trailing kisses down his throat. Gintoki nodded, biting his lip to stop the moan.
Gently, he dropped Takasugi on the bed.
“What’s with this tenderness, Gintoki?” Takasugi mused, reaching over to kiss him.
Shrugging, he replied. “I don’t know,”
“Well, I don’t like it,” Takasugi said bluntly.
He knew how Takasugi prefers—he did this way too many times, but for today he wanted to cherish the moment at hand.
“How long till we reach Edo?” he asked.
Takasugi frowned at the question, "Two or three days at the most,"
Gintoki felt his lip curve up, and he could have sworn he saw Takasugi both blush and quiver. “That’s more than enough,”
It isn’t though.
“If this tenderness is due to my body, then I would prefer we don’t do anything,” Takasugi stated, bringing the previous conversation back.
“I ain’t kind enough to do that much for you,” Gintoki said with a teasing smile.
Lies. He would do anything to keep Takasugi safe, well and alive.
“Then quit playing around and do your thing already,” Takasugi snapped.
“Do what?” he urged, leaning over to kiss the guy’s jaw and trail hot kisses from there.
“You know what,” Takasugi flinched when he found a soft spot.
“No, I don’t—” he mumbled.
“Just fuck me already,” Takasugi snarled, tugging Gintoki by the hair. Hard.
“Ow, ow, ow,” Gintoki groaned. “You fuckin’ tryna kill me? I thought you meant literally not figuratively,”
“Shut up, asshole,” Takasugi glared.
Gintoki smiled, after quite a long time, he leaned down to kiss the guy. “I love you,” he murmured, hoping the emo didn’t hear.
Takasugi didn't respond, and he didn't want a response. He just continued his work—cherishing every single part of Takasugi, and kissing along with fucking him breathless.
“It’s too late,” Takasugi whispered, way after their session.
He didn’t need to ask anymore.
.
.
The first time he held Takasugi in his arms became the last time he would hold him.
“I was much easier to cut down when compared to sensei, right?” Takasugi smirked weakly.
Instinctively, Gintoki replied with a yes. He then continued, “We remained as brats, fighting for everything,” he bit his lip to stop the smile. “You haven’t even grown,”
“Fuck you, I did.” Takasugi snarled.
Ignoring him, he continued. “We might have been born under the same tragic star, maybe this is how we were fated, and that’s not too bad,” he said, looking at the sun that was setting down.
“But, Takasugi,” he said with a sad smile, “As much as we loved fighting with each other, I would’ve loved to drink with you just as much,” he said, thinking about a moment where it’d be just the two of them.
Where no one else matters, just the two trouble-makers of Shoka Sonjuku sitting side-by-side, and pouring drinks to each other, and then maybe have some drunk moments. Where, Takasugi would just enjoy himself under the cherry blossoms, and above the waters.
“That’s not us,” Takasugi snapped him back to reality. “Instead of wasting time on drinks, I would have taken the chance to beat you as many times as I could,” he said weakly.
Gintoki stared at the guy.
“But I’ll give it a rest now,” he smiled at him. “Gintoki, you aren’t empty,” he said, directing his attention to his blade. “You still have plenty left to protect with that thing, right?”
He remembered Kagura and Shinpachi, who look at him with love and admiration beneath those annoyed looks.
“Gintoki,” Takasugi breathed.
“Takasugi…” Gintoki said.
“This crushed eye of mine remained closed forever ever since that day, with the last thing I saw etched into my eyelid,” he reached to cover his left eye. “I’ve lived my life staring at your gloomy face since that day, and I’m sick of it,”
"So, at least when my right eye closes, don't go looking like a goddamn fool," he said, and Gintoki controlled himself to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.
“The kid who stood tall in front of me when I met, the man I wanted to beat, and the man I spent my life chasing,” Takasugi smirked, “Is better than that, right?”
Gintoki dropped his head down to stop his tears and looked at him again. "Go wait for me in hell, Takasugi," he smiled properly. "I won't let you run away. I'll beat you next time," he claimed.
"Bring it on," Takasugi smiled weakly and closed his eye.
He waited a few seconds making sure that Takasugi didn’t open his eye, and then let the tears fall.
.
.
Now, when he looks at the letter that’s in pieces because of Tatsuma’s mannerism, he stares into the horizon, thinking back.
Takasugi was the best thing that happened to him, yet at the same time, he was also the worst thing that happened to him.
The same would probably go to that guy.