Archive of Our Own

Minho got back from the military nine months ago. He couldn’t believe it; someone could have conceived and given birth to a baby in the amount of time he’d now spent out of the marines. And yet, it felt like he’d just gotten out.

As soon as he was free and just a civilian again, he’d hit the ground running. SHINee was due for a comeback and everyone knew they needed to work fast to fit in their Korean comeback as well as their Japanese one before Taemin left. Not only that, but Minho had other things he wanted to get back to, namely acting. He’d taken a small role in a web series to dip his toes back into that side of his career all while making appearances on variety shows outside of the ones with his members.

For the past several months, Minho had been so busy that he never put much thought into just how long it had been since he’d gotten back and how things might be the same but still very different. He had the same job, he saw his members nearly every day, he talked to his mom and dad at least once a week and his brother nearly as much, but when the day was over there was a fundamental difference in his life now.

More often than not, when their schedules were over, Minho and Jinki rode in the same car home like they had for so many years, but now when the car drove up to Jinki’s apartment, SHINee’s dorm, Minho stayed in the car so that his manager could drive him a little way’s further to his place. He was usually so tired by then, though, that he never spent much time thinking about that single massive difference in his life now.

Day after day passed and schedule after schedule was completed up until mere days before Taemin’s enlistment. That was when life slowed down and Minho began to feel the absence he’d been able to ignore for months. 

—————

Minho laid awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was sleepy and yet wide eyed; his thoughts were running wild in his head. He hadn’t seen Jinki in a month. Well, he hadn’t seen Kibum in that long as well, but Kibum was always doing something so that wasn’t much of a surprise. Not to mention the two year long stint where he never saw Kibum. This was the longest he’d gone without seeing Jinki since he’d gotten back from his service, though. The older man had been so busy before with his musical, his variety show, and recording his OSTs, so Minho understood why he hadn’t seen him. That didn’t stop this weird feeling he had, though; a strange mix of sadness and nausea with a touch of pouty jealousy. The musical was over, his variety show finished filming and he knew Jinki was home, but they still hadn’t so much as had a meal together in a month.

He’d even gone out to have dinner with Kibum again, just the two of them. Another “date” in this new thing the two of them were doing; this whole Jinki and Kibum hanging out together thing. He knew about it because he’d called Kibum that evening to see how he was and he’d told Minho all about it. If Minho was honest with himself, he could admit to being a bit put out by this. Since when did Kibum move up over Minho on Jinki’s list of people to hang out with? Taemin he understood. Taemin and Jinki had always been close and Jinki definitely pampered Taemin, always buying him meals and indulging his whims. He totally understood Taemin getting more of Jinki’s attention than him. But Kibum? It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy the two of them were spending more time together outside of work. It was just… he missed Jinki a lot.

When they still lived together, they spent a lot more time as just two friends. Some evenings if they were both free, they’d order in food and watch some variety show or whatever drama was on. Minho might have even convinced Jinki to sit and focus long enough to watch a full movie with him, depending on how long of a day it had been for the older man. Other times, they’d both go off to their rooms to do their own thing, but Minho always felt comforted by the knowledge that Jinki was just a room over from him.

Minho’s face scrunched up at the feeling of missing his hyung and he turned over on his side in his bed, grabbing his phone from his nightstand. The 12:30 AM was big and bold on his lock screen. He knew he should be sleeping right now, but he couldn’t clear his thoughts long enough for sleep to take him. The house was too quiet, only the tap of rain hitting his bedroom window filling the silence. He used to hear Jinki at night a lot, either shuffling around the apartment for a glass of water or the faint sound coming from the TV he kept in his bedroom that only served as white noise to help him sleep. Sometimes it would even be loud bangs from Jinki fumbling clumsily around the place and while Minho would often get annoyed back then, he almost longed for it now.

His lock screen read 12:38 AM now and a sigh escaped Minho’s lips. He wondered what Jinki was doing right now. Was he asleep? Or was he up reading a book? He could text the older man, maybe even ask about his evening with Kibum. Another sigh and Minho swung his legs over the side of his bed, sitting up. He stared at the blank wall in front of him—because no, he didn’t have time to decorate yet—and a sense of resolve hit him. Standing up, Minho walked over to his closet to grab some clothes.

—————

As he stood outside of Jinki’s door, Minho stared at it with a pained expression. He used to come home to this door every night. It was so familiar and yet so foreign now that he hadn’t been here much since he’d gotten back. In his hand, he clutched his key ring that still had his copy of the keys to this place. This was SHINee’s dorm after all. Just because he moved out didn’t mean he wasn’t welcome whenever. Maybe he should have called before letting himself into the main entrance, especially at this hour, but Minho was in SHINee and this was SHINee’s dorm. It was basically still his place, right?

Finding the key to the door, Minho slid it into the deadbolt and turned it. The click of the door unlocking rang in his ears and upon opening the door, he was greeted with pitch black darkness. It was then that he realized he really should have called or texted before coming over to Jinki’s apartment. Minho felt a rush of heat in his face and there was a brief moment where he wanted to turn around and run back out of the place. His feet didn’t move, though, as he dripped on the floor. Shit , he thought. He hadn’t even brought an umbrella with him and had simply walked in the rain from his car to the building. Maybe if he left now, no one would know he even came here.

Suddenly, though, he was washed in light.

In front of him was a very drowsy Jinki, dressed in pajama pants and an old t-shirt, looking shocked.

“Minho? What are you doing here?” Jinki asked, his drowsy state quickly shifted into panic. He looked alarmed, worry creasing his brow. “Are you okay? Why are you soaked?”

Minho’s eyes widened and shifted everywhere in the room but Jinki. His hands toyed with the keys in his hand, he felt droplets of water drip from his wet hair, and the moment of silence hung heavy between them as Jinki waited for him to answer.

“Why aren’t we hanging out?” Minho blurted out, immediately regretting it. He had driven over here after midnight to ask what could possibly be the most unimportant question of all time that somehow also made him look like a petulant child.

“What?” Jinki asked, clearly confused. It was like Minho’s actual words hadn’t quite sunk in yet because the older man still looked concerned.

Despite the regret, Minho found himself doubling down. Sure, he was embarrassed, but he was here making a fool of himself already and, quite frankly, still wanted to know the answer. “You’re hanging out with Kibum, but not me. Why?”

Jinki just stared at Minho for what felt like a full minute. His mouth was slightly open and his stare was blank. “Because… he asked me to hang out?” Jinki finally replied, sounding as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Minho’s lips formed an “O” and a blush swept over his cheeks. There they were, standing in Jinki’s living room, staring at each other in the middle of the night; Jinki was in his pajamas and Minho hastily dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked down at himself and realized he was even still wearing his slippers.

“Is that why you broke into my house in the middle of the night, Minho?” Jinki asked, not so much annoyed as he was still confused.

“I didn’t break in,” Minho insisted. “I have a key. You can’t break into a place when you have a key to the front door.” He held up his key ring and jingled it for good measure, although Jinki looked wholly unimpressed.

“Okay, well in that case, is that why you stopped by in the middle of the night?” Jinki asked again, still wanting an answer apparently.

“Well… yeah.” Minho replied and after a moment flashed the older man a cute smile.

“I need a coffee and you need to dry off,” Jinki said, walking into his kitchen. He stopped briefly to grab a towel from his linen closet and tossed it in Minho’s direction.

“Coffee would be nice,” Minho responded, taking off his wet slippers and stepping into the apartment properly. He caught the towel easily. 

“I didn’t say I was going to make you one,” Jinki called from the kitchen.

Minho winced and he walked into the kitchen, toweling off his damp hair. “Jinki…” he started to say, but couldn’t exactly come up with a reasonable excuse for his behavior. He’d gotten into this… weird mood and it ended with him letting himself into his hyung’s apartment at one in the morning. “Hyung, I’m sorry for waking you up.”

Jinki sighed. “It’s fine.” Because of course Jinki would say that. He put up with a lot from Minho and the others over the years. This was just yet another thing he’d shrug off. The older man scooped coffee into the coffee maker and put the pot under the spout instead of just a mug and kept himself facing the machine as it brewed instead of bothering to turn and face Minho. “You’re dripping on my floor, so go change out of those clothes. You know where I keep my stuff.”

There was an odd silence that hung in the air between them, one that never existed before. Minho hated it despite knowing it was his own fault for coming here at this hour, for asking stupid questions. Him and Jinki didn’t have uncomfortable moments. After so much time, so much growing up together, the two of them always had a sense of comfort between them, but standing in this familiar kitchen with a man he’d call his best friend was making Minho feel unnerved. He nodded silently and walked down the hall to Jinki’s bedroom, pulling out the drawers of the man’s dresser to find a new t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts to put on.

Minho dressed quickly, hanging his damp clothes over the drying rack in the bathroom. He didn’t know how much time passed, but when he came back to the kitchen there was a cup of steaming coffee on the counter, made just how he liked it. He looked at Jinki who was blowing on his own before taking a sip.

“I thought you weren’t making one for me?” Minho asked, his tone cautiously teasing and his expression tentatively cute as he picked up the mug and took a drink.

Jinki gave him a look that could easily be interpreted as a “don’t be an idiot” look. “Come on. Let’s sit.” He nodded over towards the couch before leading the two of them to sit down in the living room.

Minho, not wanting to test his luck tonight, sat on the opposite end of the couch from Jinki, turning toward the older man and tucking one leg underneath himself.

“Well?” Jinki asked, suddenly. He was sitting with his body facing the wall in front of them and leaning back against the back of the couch. He turned his head to look in Minho’s direction.

“Hm?” Minho asked, his eyes wide with confusion.

There was a soft sound of laughter that left Jinki’s mouth, his lips turned slightly upward in a small, sleepy smile. “Well, you sounded really put out that we weren’t hanging out and now you have my undivided attention, but you’re not saying anything.”

Oh. Of course this was Jinki giving Minho the attention he so obviously was craving. Only Jinki would make himself available to his friends in the middle of the night after being rudely woken up. Minho at least had the good sense to feel some shame about it. “I’m sorry, hyung,” Minho apologized again. “I really don’t know what came over me.”

Jinki leaned forward and sat his mug down on the coffee table after taking another sip. He looked pensive, his mouth turned downward and his forehead slightly creased. “I said it was fine. I didn’t realize you wanted to see me, though. Maybe I should have asked you to come over or texted more often. That’s hyung’s fault for not being more available to you,” Jinki said, his eyes radiating with sadness as if he’d severely messed up.

“No!” Minho exclaimed. “I mean, I could have texted you. I could have asked you to hang out like Kibum did. I don’t know… It’s kind of weird. I never had to text you much before.” Minho rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a short laugh.

“Yeah, you’re right. I was just kind of right there before,” Jinki admitted, a small, almost wistful smile replacing the look of sadness from before. “I guess I figured you wanted time to yourself, though. Ever since your discharge we’ve all been running a marathon practically. Recording, practicing, performing… It’s been pretty nonstop. I thought you’d like the rest and to be alone for a while."

Always so considerate , Minho thought. It made sense, what Jinki was saying. When Jinki got out, he had time to process it all. Even Kibum had a bit of time before. With Minho, though, they had to jump right in because SHINee needed a comeback and it had to fit into a relatively short time frame. Now that Taemin was gone, this was the first time Minho had to relax some and do things that didn’t have him spending day in and out with the same three guys. He loved them all so much, though. Spending time with them was fine with him. Maybe he was just getting more sentimental in his thirties, but they were family to him. He’d spent nearly two years only seeing some of them sometimes and only getting texts sometimes so when they were back together again, it was the happiest he’d felt in a while.

Especially all the time with Jinki.

Jinki felt like home. He felt like calm evenings on the couch, like late night snacks from leftovers. When he smiled at Minho, it brightened his day. Sometimes, when he was so tired after long days in the marines and sitting on his small bed, wondering why he was even there in the first place, he’d think about Jinki’s smile and the way it shined like the sun. He thought about seeing it again in person and that alone was enough to motivate him to keep doing well the next day and the one after that until it was time for his leave again. Until it was time for him to see Jinki again after weeks apart.

Looking at him now, Minho wished he’d flash that bright smile at him again. “Alone time is overrated,” Minho murmured, looking down at the mostly empty mug in his hands.

The mug was gently pulled from his hands a moment later only to be replaced by Jinki’s hand clasping one of his own. He looked over at the older man, silently searching his face.

“What’s really wrong, Minho?” Jinki asked, giving his hand a squeeze of encouragement.

With a sigh, Minho looked back down at their clasped hands. “I just missed you,” he admitted. “My apartment is so quiet.”

Jinki nodded his head sympathetically, but didn’t say anything. His silence allowed for Minho to elaborate.

“I mean, I guess I’m just used to having someone else around,” he added with a shrug.

“I thought you didn’t want a roommate anymore,” Jinki teased gently, smiling that cute smile of his. This time, though, it didn’t lift Minho’s mood much.

The truth was that Minho felt childish for thinking this way. He was 31 years old for fuck’s sake! He should want to live in his own place and not with his friend. And yet, here he was in the middle of the night in his old place with his old roommate and it’s the most he’d felt at home since before he went to serve. He found himself letting go of Jinki’s hand and shifting until he was facing the wall. Wrapping his arms around himself, Minho hung his head and a small sound of frustration left his lips. “It’s not just having a roommate. I miss you , hyung.”

Jinki fell silent. Minho wasn’t looking at him, but he could feel the older man’s stare. He could tell Jinki was thinking, choosing his words carefully. Most considered him shy, and he was, but a lot of Jinki’s quiet moments could also be attributed to contemplation. He wasn’t one to speak rashly.

“I miss you too, Ming,” Jinki began. “It’s quiet here too and I can’t say I enjoy it. Sometimes I feel like the last man standing here, refusing to let go of some sense of nostalgia. I feel like maybe it’s time to get a place as well. Let this one go, become some other group’s dorm I suppose. But then I look around and I remember you and Kibum fighting over there, Taemin playing video games here, or Jonghyun working on music in the room over there.”

Minho could see the tears that would remain unshed brimming in Jinki’s eyes at that last part. It didn’t matter how many years passed, he understood that feeling well. They might not often cry the tears that came to their eyes when talking about their friend these days, but they were very often still there if they let themselves think about it all too much.

“But mostly,” Jinki continued, his words cutting through Minho’s thoughts. “I think about coming home together with you, all the time we got to spend with just us two. It’s a big change for both of us. I just didn’t know it was going to be this hard on you. I wish you’d said something sooner.”

Minho nodded. “I didn’t realize it until very recently. I thought that I was handling the change well, but I guess I was wrong. Hence the way I came here tonight.” He breathed out a soft, bashful laugh.

“You know, I’m not spending time with Kibum because I prefer him or anything,” Jinki explained, scooting a bit closer to Minho. “It’s just we never really did that. You and I have bonded a lot over the years. Taemin and I as well. I know Kibum and I have always been close, but only within the parameters of the whole group. So we’re trying to bond more now that we’re older, just the two of us.” 

“I know and I’m glad you guys are doing that,” Minho insisted. “I guess I just felt left out.”

Jinki nodded. A lot of people would inform Minho that leaving him out wasn’t their intention, but that wasn’t Jinki. He knew that Minho was aware that neither of them were trying to make him feel that way. He simply took in Minho’s feelings and accepted them as they were.

“You’re welcome back here whenever you want, you know. You do still have your key after all,” Jinki said with a teasing grin.

“Don’t do that. Don’t give an open invitation. I might start coming here a lot. I might even just go ahead and break my lease,” Minho joked. “Give up this whole living on my own shit.”

“You can,” Jinki replied earnestly, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s not like I made your room into anything.”

Minho smiled cutely. “We can just live together forever?”

Jinki let out a laugh. “I mean, I imagine our significant others might take issue with that one day, but sure.”

“Significant other?” Minho exclaimed. “You dating these days, Lee Jinki?” He looked at the older man with a fake scandalized expression.

Jinki let out a scoff. “Does my own hand count?”

Minho laughed heartily at his hyung’s remark. “I don’t think it does.”

“Then no,” Jinki said. “But maybe one day…”

Something about that thought turned Minho’s stomach. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to settle down one day, it was just the thought of things being just that more different was… unsettling. He found himself trying to picture Jinki with a wife, maybe even kids, and the thought felt intrusive in his mind. It was like his brain was rejecting the mere idea of Jinki, his Jinki, having a family. Honestly, as much as Minho said he wanted to have kids one day, he’d always had a bit of trouble picturing what that would look like. Up to the present, whenever he thought about his future all he saw was SHINee and Jinki. There was the vague idea of kids and a wife, but that wasn’t as prominent in his mind. Sometimes he wondered if the idea of a wife and kids was something he actually wanted or if that was just what he was supposed to want.

“Maybe…” Minho murmured. He turned his head to look at Jinki before scooting closer until he was pressed against the older man’s side and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

“What? Really?” Jinki asked, his surprise evident in his tone. “I always had you pegged as the first of us to get married. Striking out with women these days?” Jinki was teasing again. He did that a lot when he sensed that Minho was starting to get somber. Most of the time the younger man appreciated it, but it did little to lighten his mood at the moment.

Minho shrugged again, reaching out for Jinki’s hand this time. He laced their fingers together and looked down at them. “Ha ha. I haven’t even been trying lately. Too busy, as usual.” It was the most common excuse for being single that every idol used. Most of the time it was bullshit made up to appease fans who wanted their idols all to themselves, while the idols themselves were out there with hidden long term relationships or at least a healthy dating life. In Minho’s case, he was busy, but he couldn’t lie. He’d also been very uninterested lately. Of course, Jinki immediately called his bluff.

Jinki scoffed again. “Who am I? Dispatch?” the older man asked with a raised eyebrow.

Minho rolled his eyes and a small grin appeared on his lips. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just hard to picture finding someone I’d want to live with, you know, forever.”

“You just told me that you wanted to live with me forever,” Jinki pointed out, teasing again.

Of course, as soon as it was brought to Minho’s attention he felt his face heat up with a blush. So maybe he did know someone he’d want to live with forever; he knew someone who made him happy every single day. Jinki was always the brightest part of his day when he saw him. Missing him in the marines had been difficult, but missing him when he was just a short drive away was unbearable. For the past month he’d gone days just feeling down, a lot of time he was out of sorts. He often found himself thinking about whether Jinki would like the meal he was having or if he’d be willing to watch the show with him that he had on the TV at any given moment. What Jinki would say if Minho read him aloud a particularly good part of the book he was currently reading… Just small things like that, but it all made him miss the older man even more.

He looked over at the man next to him, his smile bright as the sun and his eyes so kind. He always wondered why Jinki was still single. In Minho’s eyes, he was the perfect “boyfriend guy.” So soft and cute, but could be effortlessly sexy. He was a pretty good cook and neat too, very easy to live with, and yet no woman had gotten him yet. Despite knowing Jinki was husband material, he couldn’t say he was disappointed at the older man being unattached still. If he was jealous of Kibum, Minho could only imagine how jealous he’d be of Jinki’s theoretical girlfriend or wife. If Jinki had a significant other, they wouldn’t be here right now with their bodies pressed up next to each other and their hands tied together…

“Minho?” Jinki’s voice interrupted Minho’s thoughts.

“Huh?” Minho said dumbly. With a shake of his head, he realized that he’d gotten lost in his own head and hadn’t said anything for a while. “Sorry, hyung.”

“You want to stay here tonight?” Jinki offered. “It’s too late for you to drive home. Your old bed is still in the room. I can make it up for you?”

Minho looked down at his lap and nodded. “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t drive.” Letting go of Jinki’s hand, Minho stood.

He followed Jinki down the hall to where his old room was and watched as he took a clean set of sheets and blanket out of the closet. Stepping over to the bed, Minho helped him get the sheets on it. After a minute, the bed looked fresh and inviting, and Minho suddenly felt the need for sleep overcoming his body. Reaching up to rub at his tired eyes, he shot Jinki a grateful look. “Thank you, hyung. Really.”

A soft smile appeared on the older man’s face and he stepped over to Minho, holding his arms out. Minho stepped into them without hesitation, feeling the warmth of Jinki surrounding him. No one gave a better hug than Lee Jinki. Minho found himself burying his face in the crook of the other man’s neck, holding on tightly as if he was afraid to let go of him.

Finally, though, Jinki pulled away. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Top right drawer of the cabinet. Get some sleep, Minho-yah.”

With that, he patted Minho’s arm and the younger man was alone again. This time, though, he didn’t feel lonely.

—————

Jinki heard the faint knock on his door and blinked his eyes open. In the dark, he could barely see, but his eyes adjusted quickly enough to see his bedroom door slowly open and Minho’s head meekly pop through. In his drowsy state, it took a moment for him to register that Minho was staying the night. The strange events of the night flooding back into his head.

“Hyung?” Minho whispered.

“Mm?” Jinki replied. He rubbed his eyes and shifted until he was sitting upright in bed. “Trouble sleeping?”

He could faintly make out Minho’s nod and the younger man must have quickly remembered it was pitch black in the room. “Yeah. I was wondering… could I stay here?”

Jinki’s eyebrows rose slightly. There was something going on with Minho tonight. In all the years Jinki has known him, Minho wasn’t typically all that clingy. Yes, there were exceptions, but mostly he kept the skinship to some cuddling, hugs, and sometimes handholding. He hadn’t asked to sleep in Jinki’s bed… ever. But with his eyes fully adjusted to the darkness of the room, Jinki could make out how small Minho looked. How could a man as tall as him be standing in front of Jinki right now looking this small and confused? Without a word, he found himself throwing the covers back on one side in a silent invitation.

There was no hesitation as Minho walked over to his bed and sat down, swinging his legs onto the mattress. He laid down and pulled the covers up to his chest.

Jinki laid back down too, staring up at the ceiling. He suddenly couldn’t remember the last time another person had been in his bed.

Long moments passed until Minho broke the silence. “I’m sorry I’m so weird tonight, hyung,” the younger man said, his tone sad and confused.

“It’s okay,” Jinki reassured him. It really was okay. Jinki would do anything for Minho, even wake up in the middle of the night for a strange chat about their current living situations.

“It’s not…” Minho whispered. He sounded… almost scared.

His tone caused Jinki to shift over on his side. He looked at Minho, really looked at him, and could see the worry in his brow. He hated seeing it. He hated anything that made Minho’s beautiful face crease and contort. Minho was like a rainbow after a rain shower, glittering with beauty. He was meant to stay bright and shiny until time no longer allowed it.

Jinki briefly turned around to turn on the dim lamp on his bedside table, casting some light in the room.

“Minho, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong…” Jinki practically pleaded as he moved to face the younger man. Although he’d felt the slightest bit annoyed earlier in the night when he woke up afraid that someone was breaking into his house, Jinki began to become quite concerned about Minho as the night wore on. He asked him to stay because he really didn’t want the younger man driving home in the state he was in and now he let him into his bed because he wanted to make sure Minho could get some rest. Sleep did not seem to want to come for him, though, and the unrest in his features made Jinki worry even more.

He had no idea that them not living together anymore was weighing on Minho so much. When he wanted to move out, Jinki had been upset but he also understood. Minho needed his space and who was Jinki to try and deny him? It wasn’t like they promised to live together until they were old men; their arrangement was always going to be temporary. But coming home to an empty apartment every night was lonely. And sure, he had his manager who was here a lot of the time; and yeah, he could date and have company, but none of that was the same as having Minho there.

Jinki didn’t know when his feelings for Minho began to shift, but he’d known for some time now that Minho meant more to him than just being his friend, his dongsaeng, his member… Their bond had been forged from years of working together and living together, but the way Minho reminded him of home was unique only to him. Jinki loved them all and every day that passed was another day that he missed Jonghyun deeply, but Minho was different. Jinki needed Minho. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Minho stated quietly, interrupting Jinki’s thoughts. “I don’t… I don’t understand any of this myself so I can’t explain.”

Jinki frowned and reached out a hand to brush Minho’s bangs off his forehead. He could feel the dampness of a nervous sweat on the younger man’s skin. Daringly, Jinki let his fingertips just barely brush down the side of Minho’s face. His movement was stopped when he felt Minho’s hand cup his own, holding it to his cheek. The way he looked at Jinki in that moment was pleading, but Jinki still had no idea what Minho needed from him.

“Jinki…” Minho whispered, his eyes staring straight into the older man’s own.

The air felt thick in the room. “Ming I don’t…” He had no idea what to do for him. All Jinki could do was give Minho comfort as he worked through his emotions.

“I wish… I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Minho finally said, his eyes glossy. “It doesn’t feel like home if you’re not there.” The words fell from Minho’s lips like a confession. They were, really. A confession of just how deeply he felt about the older man. Although he couldn’t exactly say what he felt, he could express that his feelings for Jinki were not the same as the ones he felt for the other members.

Jinki could feel his heartbeat quicken at Minho’s words. Was it possible that he felt the same? After all these years of choking down his feelings, of trying to pretend they weren’t there, could Minho actually want something more than just friendship? Or was he reading too much into it?

“It’s not home here without you either, Ming…” Jinki admitted. Their eyes were locked and Jinki brushed his thumb over Minho’s cheek. He saw Minho’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and felt the bed shift as he turned his body to better face him. “I miss you all the time,” he softly continued, a certain sense of bravery filling his chest with every word he said. “ You’re my home and you not being here has just made this place a house.” As soon as the words left his mouth, all that bravery that urged him to say them left Jinki. He dropped his hand from Minho’s face and shyly looked down, unable to meet Minho’s eyes anymore.

Have I just done something stupid? Jinki wondered. Years of keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself and now here he was showing his cards. He shouldn’t be doing this. They were friends, yes, but they were colleagues too. They had to work together, like it or not, and now he wondered if he just effectively made their work environment incredibly awkward.

“Jinki…” Minho whispered. Jinki slowly cast his eyes upward to look at the younger man’s face and noticed he didn’t look angry or awkward. He looked… almost like he was at peace. Minho’s eyes gazed at Jinki softly, flitting down to look at Jinki’s lips briefly.

There it was again. Jinki heard the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears, deafening every other sound. He felt the warmth of Minho’s palm on his side and felt the dip of the mattress as Minho pulled himself closer to him. Their noses were barely brushing and his vision filled with Minho.

“Jinki…” Minho said again, his voice sounding almost far away as the quick drumming of his heart continued to overload Jinki’s senses. “Can I…?” His eyes again lowered to Jinki’s lips. Jinki felt them tingle just at the thought of Minho’s own lips pressing against them.

Wordlessly, Jinki felt himself nod. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt the brush of Minho’s lips against his. The kiss was experimental, like Minho was testing how it would feel. Jinki, for his own part, felt like he was soaring through the air at the mere caress of the younger man’s lips. When Minho pressed more firmly now, Jinki pressed back.

Jinki lifted his hand to cup Minho’s cheek, angling his head to slot their lips together, deepening the kiss. Both men pushed closer on the bed until there wasn’t even a centimeter between them, their legs tangled. Jinki teased at Minho’s lips with his tongue and the younger man opened his mouth, letting Jinki slip inside.

A soft moan sounded out in the silent room, but Jinki had no idea if it came from him or Minho. All he knew was that his body felt burning hot, his fingertips tingled as they touched Minho’s face and then neck. Never in his life had he ever thought he’d get to feel this. He thought he’d be left wondering what it would feel like to kiss Minho, to touch him this way, for the rest of his life. How his body would feel pressed against his own…

They parted when the need for breath forced them to, but they stayed close together. Minho’s hand fisted in Jinki’s t-shirt and he rested his forehead against the older man’s. There was a smile on his kiss swollen lips as he gazed at Jinki.

Neither of them seemed to know what to say, but their small yet goofy grins and the soft breathless laughter they shared really said it all. Jinki felt like he was dreaming. Had Minho really come into his bed in the middle of the night and kissed him? It felt too good to be true, but if it was a dream, Jinki hoped he never woke from it. He wanted to stay here forever in Minho’s embrace.

“Beautiful…” he murmured without realizing it. The questioning ‘hm’ that came from Minho and the slightly teasing look of his grin made Jinki realize he’d said it out loud. He felt himself blush and he bashfully looked down. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Minho said softly. “I like that you think that.” His hand rubbed circles on Jinki’s side and he leaned in to kiss him again. It didn’t linger like before or deepen. It was just a gentle, reassuring press of lips. “You’re beautiful too, Jinki.”

“No,” Jinki replied automatically with a shake of his head, like it was a reflex at this point to deny any compliment about his looks.

“Don’t,” Minho said gently.

Jinki raised his gaze back up to meet Minho’s.

“Just accept it because it’s true whether you believe it or not,” Minho continued, his soft stare radiating with admiration and love for the man in front of him.

“Okay…” Jinki murmured. He leaned close again, kissing Minho. It felt surreal that he could just do that.

This time, though, they didn’t pull apart. This time their kisses deepened again and Jinki felt a nudge at his shoulder, urging him to lie down on his back. He obliged and they parted long enough for Minho to shift on top of him, straddling him. Jinki’s hands slid under the borrowed t-shirt Minho was wearing, warm hands splayed over the heated skin on his back. He pushed at the fabric, bunching it up until Minho pulled back long enough to shed the shirt.

Minho didn’t immediately lean back down to pick up where they left off, though. Instead, his hands played with the hem of Jinki’s t-shirt. Under normal circumstances, Jinki liked to cover up as much as possible and he knew Minho knew that. He appreciated the younger man’s hesitancy, but this was different. This was just them, alone and intimate, and there was no one Jinki trusted more with himself than Minho.

“You can…” Jinki said with a nod. That was all it took for Minho to begin pulling the thin cotton up. With Jinki’s help, the t-shirt was soon abandoned on the floor along with Minho’s. The younger man leaned back down, Jinki’s hands coming up to cup his jaw as their mouths met again. The skin on skin contact heightened Jinki’s senses, the atmosphere in the room heady and the only sounds were the desperate, quiet breaths that passed between the two of them.

Minho pressed his hips down and Jinki could feel how hard the younger man was already. The feel of Minho’s erection against his own sent an electric thrill through Jinki’s body and his hips lifted to meet Minho’s, a moan escaping his lips. He wanted to feel it again.

“Fuck Jinki…” Minho muttered, breaking their kiss. Raising up, Minho splayed his hands over Jinki’s chest as he looked down at the man underneath him.

Jinki was sure Minho did not come here tonight for this and yet here they were somehow. He hadn’t been in this position in so long and never with another man. The room felt like it was spinning as Minho’s hands traveled lower, running over his stomach, and thumbs rubbed over his hip bones, until one hand cupped Jinki’s erection. “Minho,” Jinki moaned out.

“Jinki? Have you ever…? You know, with another man?” Minho asked, his hand rubbing Jinki’s member over the soft fabric of his thin pajama pants.

How exactly did Minho expect him to concentrate enough at that moment to talk?

“No,” Jinki finally replied, reaching out to hold Minho’s spare hand, lacing their fingers together. “I’ve never… It’s just you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

Minho stopped his movements, like he wasn’t expecting the tender words. But really, what did he think? Jinki wasn’t exactly known amongst their group as the most likely to date around and definitely not likely to have that many hook ups.

“I’ve never either,” Minho said, although Jinki would have already bet money on that without being told. “I want—” Minho paused, clearing his throat. “I want to see you. Can I?” His hand had left Jinki’s cock and his other pulled from Jinki’s grasp, both settling on the man’s waistband.

The way he asked before he ever did anything warmed Jinki’s heart. For all of Minho’s fiery passion, he was surprisingly gentle in these intimate moments. Jinki nodded. “Yeah…”

Minho shifted and Jinki lifted his hips, both of them working to get Jinki’s pants and boxer briefs off of his body. After all the clothes were gone, Minho stared at the man laid out in front of him, completely naked and his erection flushed red and hard.

The intense gaze made Jinki’s chest and ears redden. Not with embarrassment or shame, though. He wasn’t ashamed of this feeling between them or of Minho seeing his naked body in this position. He was overcome with anticipation, especially when he saw Minho reach for his own shorts.

Jinki watched as Minho discarded the last bit of clothing on his body. His gorgeous body, firm from his love of sports and dedication to his gym routine. There was a voice in the back of Jinki’s head, ever present and nagging, that tried to tell him that he didn’t deserve someone as beautiful inside and out as Minho in his bed, but he pushed it away. Now was not the time to let his crippling self-esteem get the best of him.

Without any barriers between them, Jinki gently pushed Minho down on the mattress and wrapped a hand around Minho’s cock. The younger man came here tonight for comfort and Jinki wanted to give him anything he wanted, everything…

“What do you want, Minho?” Jinki asked, stroking his cock and leaning in so close his lips brushed against Minho’s as he spoke.

“I don’t know… I… This is good…” Minho stuttered out.

Jinki paused. It was late, this was new to both of them… They probably should take it slow.

But Jinki had thought about this moment more times than he cared to admit.

“I want to taste you,” Jinki said, his voice rough with desire. 

Minho’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. Whatever it was he came looking for tonight, Jinki was quite sure getting his dick sucked was not on the list of expectations. “That’s good too,” he breathed out.

Jinki leaned over the younger man, kissing him one more time on the lips before he started his descent down Minho’s neck, followed by his clavicle and down to his chest where he stopped to give some attention to his hard nipples.

Minho’s hands were in Jinki’s hair the moment his plump lips latched onto his nipple, sucking lightly at the flesh. “Fuck, Jinki…” he moaned, fingers gently latched onto the dark locks of hair in his hands. His hips bucked up, looking for any contact with skin he could find.

Jinki kissed down Minho’s stomach, nipped at his hip bones that jutted out, and finally reached Minho’s erection. It was straining, needing a release, as Jinki grasped it in his hand again. He still felt Minho’s hand on his head, rubbing at the nape of his neck as Jinki lowered his head onto the younger man’s cock.

He sucked the head into his mouth, trying to test the waters. He heard Minho suck air between his teeth as he swirled his tongue around the head. He looked up at Minho, trying to determine if he was doing okay so far and Minho’s eyes were still wide and looked like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

Jinki took that as positive and went back to it. He took his cock in a bit deeper, using his hand to make up the difference. Jinki was being bold right now, but he was not bold enough to assume that he could take all of Minho into his mouth the first time.

Minho’s hands gripped Jinki’s hair, tugging gently the longer Jinki sucked him. “Jinki… I’m gonna cum. I can’t hold on much—” His words were cut off by a moan. “Much longer.”

Jinki didn’t pull off. He kept working Minho’s cock with his mouth and fist until he heard Minho’s moans and soon the hot spurt of cum hit his tongue. He swallowed it down after the initial surprise of the feeling and rose up. He was still hard.

Reaching down, Jinki began to stroke his own cock. He felt like he was going to burst at any moment. He wanted to look down at Minho, blissed out beneath him, but the pleasure made his eyes shut tightly. 

A hand covered his own and Jinki opened his eyes to see Minho pushing his hand away to replace it with his.

“Let me,” Minho said, wrapping his fingers around Jinki’s cock.

“I’m not going to last long at all,” Jinki panted out, sucking his swollen bottom lip between his teeth.

“I know. Let go, Jinki. Cum for me,” Minho said, his voice husky with desire.

That was all it took for Jinki to finally let go. He moaned out Minho’s name, shooting his load on the younger man’s stomach.

Jinki was spent, breathing heavily as he fell back onto the mattress. Feeling like he was floating from just a handjob wasn’t something Jinki had experienced since he was much younger, but this was Minho. He’d thought about what it would be like to be with him so many times before that even a quick handjob was amazing.

Coming back to reality, Jinki grabbed some tissues from his bedside table and wiped off Minho’s stomach and chest, giving more to the younger man so he could wipe his hand. The room was silent except for their labored breaths that were slowing down as time passed. A soft giggle broke the silence and Jinki looked at Minho, seeing the younger man smiling widely. He wore a sleepy yet blissful expression.

“What?” Jinki asked, amused at the cute giggle.

“I just can’t believe it,” Minho said. “I mean, I never thought that would happen between us.”

“I didn’t either, but I did think about it,” Jinki admitted, tossing the tissues into the wastebasket.

Minho looked over at him, shifting onto his side and leaning on his elbow. “Really?” he asked curiously.

Jinki shrugged, trying his best to be casual but knowing he was often an open book to Minho in a lot of ways. “Yeah. I meant it when I said I only wanted you. I really have just wanted you for a while. That generally comes with, you know, thoughts.” He swallowed thickly. Even though they’d just been intimate, Jinki still felt nervous. Minho was holding his heart in the palm of his hands right now and he wasn’t even sure if the younger man really knew that or not. “You mean the world to me, Minho. This meant the world to me.”

Reaching out a hand to cup Jinki’s cheek, Minho leaned up and captured the other man’s bottom lip in a soft kiss. “You know how you said I was home to you earlier? Jinki, that’s how I feel about you too. It’s not this apartment that’s home to me, it’s you. Without you, I just feel like I’m drifting through my days with nothing that feels constant. I might not have thought about this before tonight, but I’ve thought about you so much and how you’re what makes my days bright. Jinki, I care about you so much.” Minho smiled shyly. “I hope that this isn’t just a one time thing…”

Jinki couldn’t believe it. All this time, all those lonely nights wishing he could have Minho and now here he was, telling him that he wanted him not just for tonight, but beyond that. He kissed Minho, smiling brightly into it. “It’s not,” he replied. “Definitely not.”

A sigh of relief fell from Minho’s lips. He flipped himself over onto his stomach and slung an arm across Jinki’s chest, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Mm good,” Minho said, sleep evident in his voice.

The two of them were spent and sleep seemed to be coming for them both. Jinki ran his fingers through Minho’s hair and closed his eyes. They wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight, but Jinki couldn’t say it wasn’t worth it. Not when Minho’s legs tangled with his own and his lips brushed one final kiss to his collarbone.

—————

Two Weeks Later

“Wait, you moved back into the dorm?” Kibum asked incredulously from across his dining room table, eyeing his members sitting across from him suspiciously.

“Well, yeah,” Minho offered, picking up some pork belly with his chopsticks.

“Why?” Kibum asked, as if living in the dorm was some sort of nightmare, before looking over at Jinki apologetically. “No offense, hyung.”

Jinki just laughed, shaking his head as he swallowed a mouthful of rice. “None taken,” he said.

The three of them were having dinner at Kibum’s house, agreeing to some time with all three of them. Jinki didn’t think Minho was going to be jealous anymore if he hung out with just Kibum—not since the two of them established their new relationship and Minho didn’t have to worry any longer about Jinki preferring Kibum—but it was still nice, all of them getting together.

“It just makes sense,” Minho insisted. “I mean, why live on my own? Or spend the money on rent?”

As far as Jinki was concerned, if they were trying to be discreet, Minho was definitely blowing their cover because looking at Kibum now, he could tell he wasn’t buying it. Not when his eyes were narrowed the way they were as he picked up his own chopsticks and ate a bite of his homemade kimchi.

“Because you’re thirty-one and have a good income,” Kibum muttered. “Besides, breaking your lease costs you needless money. Seems like a dumb choice, Choi Minho.” He sounded like he was scolding a child and Jinki watched as Minho rolled his eyes.

Not wanting to get in the middle of the two of them arguing, Jinki focused on the delicious food in front of him.

It had been the best two weeks of Jinki’s life. Maybe it sounded like an exaggeration, but ever since Minho had showed up, dripping and full of accusations, at his door in the middle of the night, the two of them had been attached at the hip. Nights were spent wrapped up in each other, exchanging kisses and pleasure. It was like they were making up for lost time.

They weren’t quite ready to tell people, though. Minho moving back in seemed like the best choice to make until they had time to tell their families and Kibum and Taemin. Jinki just hoped Taemin got leave soon because they weren’t going to be able to keep Kibum in the dark for much longer and they really wanted to tell the two of them together. After that, they planned on finding a new place together. A place they could call theirs.

For now, the dorm was fine. It didn’t matter where they were, it just mattered that they were together. They were at home again.