Chapter Text
5:38 pm. Friday .
“Wow, look at the sun coming through the branches…”
“Hmm.”
“You know, there’s a tree here that’s over a thousand years old. We have to go see that one.”
A gurgling noise comes from the front seat of the car. Hoseok has had enough of this spritely Yoongi. The older has become – quite literally – the human version of the action of yanking the curtains open after a night of drinking. Hoseok is not sure how long he can tolerate this. “Hyung… I didn’t come on this trip to stare at a fucking tree,” he whines.
Yoongi leans forward, grabbing the headrest of the passenger seat. “Don’t be such a spoilsport. We can go hiking. I found the perfect trail. C’mon, it’ll be fun, you’ll see.”
Only a grunt comes from Hoseok this time who sits splayed, one leg up on the dashboard. From the driver’s seat, Namjoon huffs out a laugh, entertained by their childish banter.
“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi says, using a certain tone, subtly reminding him of their earlier private discussion. “It’ll be fun, right?”
Hoseok chuckles and looks at Namjoon, awaiting his answer. “Don’t tell me we’re spending the weekend staring at tree trunks.”
“Not the whole weekend,” answers Yoongi instead, eager. “We’ll hike, and row, and fish, and we have board games. And there’s also a tennis court there, right, Namjoon?”
Hoseok smiles through a frown. “What is up with you?” He looks back at Yoongi in the back seat, slightly amused. “I mean this is exceeding your usual nerdiness. Don’t you wanna just order in and lie in your bed like you do every time we go on holidays?”
“Nothing is wrong with me!” says Yoongi, his voice going up an octave. “I just think this weekend should be about us spending time together. Because I have no intention of going to the clothing-optional riverside or whatever that you’ve mentioned only about thirty-seven times so far oh so slyly. I planned this trip because I wanna spend two days in nature with my two best buds.”
Hoseok’s eyes glisten with the force of laughter that he barely reins in. “I think we should cancel the trip and take Hyung to a hospital,” he tells Namjoon.
“Okay, be nice,” commands Namjoon. “He has finally come out of his shell. Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to make him do for years?”
“You’re not seriously siding with this tree-hugger, are you?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon shrugs, eyes on the road. “A thousand-year-old tree, what could be more fun?”
“Ha ha,” comes Yoongi’s monotonous voice from the back.
Namjoon chuckles. “No, we’re doing whatever Hyung plans this time,” he says seriously. “If he wants to go see a tree, then that’s what we are doing.”
“Well, thanks, Namjoon,” says Yoongi, patting his shoulder. “I’m actually really excited.”
07:04pm. Friday.
“Do you have permission to snoop?”
After the two-hour drive, they reached the cottage. Namjoon had only ever seen pictures of it before on Seokjin’s phone. It was a family heirloom that has primarily been used by Jin ever since he was allowed to travel alone. Namjoon was pleasantly surprised to see Jin’s input here – French windows, modern interior, and a grill machine because of course. The only thing missing now was Jin himself who couldn’t get off his work at the restaurant.
Before they left the city, Namjoon had asked Jin which room he preferred to sleep in when he came here and, without permission, he called dibs on the room with the king-size bed and sent the other two to fight over the other rooms and unpack. Yoongi is quick apparently.
When Namjoon looks up at Yoongi standing at the door of the room, he finds his lips stretching into a gentle smile. “Don’t think he would mind.”
“No?”
“No. Jin’s pretty open about it.”
“About him you mean? Is that what you’re looking at?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon nods at the photo album on his lap.
Yoongi comes to sit on the bed beside his friend, looking at the pictures. “That him?” he says, pointing at a photo of a shirtless teenager with long dark hair. The boy stood by a window, wearing a soft smile which was blurred by the smoke that was coming out of the cigarette held between his fingers.
Namjoon nods.
“Cute.”
“That’s the problem.”
“Oh… is that…” Yoongi doesn’t have it in him to finish the sentence. “Sorry.”
There’s still that somber smile present on Namjoon’s lips. “No, it’s… They grew up together. They’d known each other since they were seven. They’ve had sixteen years. Soekjin and I… We’ve barely had two. I just don’t think Jin Hyung is over him yet.”
“Did he say something?”
Namjoon shakes his head. “He talks about him.”
“A lot?”
“No, just… sometimes. You know how he loved oregano and hated fishing, stuff like that. But I,” Namjoon stops. He lifts his hand as though his words are not enough to convey his thoughts. “I just… I can sense it. He’s heartbroken still. He loves me, he truly does, but I think… He nurtures something for him. Still. Something special. He still cries sometimes. He thinks I can’t tell. Minho was something that I can never be for him.” He lets out a sad laugh. “Don’t know what the fuck I’m trying to do, to be honest. All I know is that he’s not over him. He’s not.”
Yoongi opens his mouth. He wants to say that no, that Jin is not still in love with his dead boyfriend, that Jin Hyung is the purest soul he’s ever come across and he can never do Namjoon dirty. But he also knows that if he said that, he wouldn’t be one hundred percent honest. There still sits a framed picture of Minho in Jin’s apartment. And Namjoon, his dearest friend Namjoon, does not deserve to be lied to. Yoongi takes in a deep breath. “And he probably never will be.” He stares and watches his friend’s smile fade. “No one is replaceable, no matter what we say. It’s unfair and unfortunate and so fucking sad what happened. That’s the thing, isn’t it? They didn’t break up. When it’s a breakup, you want to leave each other, you even start to hate the other. But Jin Hyung’s heart will always be broken.”
“Aren’t you supposed to console me?”
“I am. Gosh, let me finish.”
Namjoon’s smile returns.
“You love him, right?”
The younger stares at him. There’s something unrecognizable in his eyes. “So much, it scares me shitless.”
Yoongi shrugs. “Then, that’s enough,” he says simply. “And have you seen Jin Hyung’s face when we try to pull your leg? He is ready to put our bodies in a bag and dig graves at a moment’s notice.”
Namjoon’s smile broadens, making his dimples appear.
Yoongi pinches his cheek, making him squirm away. “You just have to make peace with it. Jin Hyung loves his parents, his brother, his nephews, his friends. He loves Minho. And he loves you. There’s no scale to measure these things with, there’s no question of less and more, because these things are not meant to be measured. Fuck the guy who invented math. Fuck everything else. You love with your whole self and fuck everything else. Derive satisfaction from what you give and the joy you feel from loving the ones who matter, not from what you receive in return.”
Namjoon is quiet for a moment. Shaking his head, he says, “who are you and what have you done with Min Yoongi.”
Yoongi shoves him playfully, chuckling and dropping back on the bed.
“Have you been listening to meditation podcasts or some shit?” There’s a hint of tease in his voice but Yoongi knows that Namjoon is thankful to see Yoongi without dark circles and stubble again.
Yoongi sighs. “What’s wrong with trying to be positive for a bit? Is that something only Mr. Sunshine is allowed to do?”
“No, no, this is great. I like this Yoongi.”
Yoongi smiles at him as Namjoon goes back to flipping through Jin’s old photo album. However, it disappears when he speaks next. Turns out, his attention to the album was just a guise to initiate this talk.
“This isn’t about Jimin, is it?” says Namjoon hesitantly.
There is silence for a moment. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s just that you never said what happened between you two. I mean you guys seemed pretty good together and all of a sudden…” he trails off.
Yoongi stares at the ceiling silently for a bit, thankful that Namjoon is looking at the album and not at him. “Well, it isn’t about him.”
“Someone new?”
“It’s not about anybody.”
Namjoon looks back at him. “But you’re okay, right?”
Yoongi shrugs. “I’m fine.”
“And you’d tell me if you weren’t?”
Yoongi looks at him and smiles. The next moment, he furrows his eyebrows. “Do you… do you ever do things that surprise you?”
“How’d you mean?”
“Y’know… are you ever shocked by your own behavior?”
Namjoon frowns. “Is this about–“
“Forget it,” Yoongi says before Namjoon could continue, shaking his head. “It’s not important. I need to go check on Hoseok.”
A smirk appears on Namjoon’s face. “You know, Hyung, I would tell you to take your own advice–”
“Shut up and go back to drooling over your boyfriend’s ten-year-old pictures,” Yoongi grumbles as he heaves himself up and makes to leave the room.
“Ignoring confrontations. Now that’s the Yoongi Hyung I know,” he hears Namjoon say as he goes to his own room.