Archive of Our Own

Unlike most, when Kim Doyoung looks up at the night sky he does not see constellations. He does not see the dotted outline used to glorify violence and the gluttonous greed of god-favoured heroes and beasts.

To Doyoung, constellations are not memorials of blood-shed and grandiose acts of heroism. They are individual acts of love that hang over the heads of mortals, shy in the presence of the sun and brazen under the cloak of night.

From inside his house on the hills, miles from the next living being, Doyoung smiles at the stars that sparkle and glow a little brighter than normal. He hums, wondering if a couple tied their union or if young love had blossomed in the face of a confession.

That same smile falters when a streak of white-hot light soars across the sky in the direction of the ground. Falling stars always tend to elicit a strange concoction of happiness and grief inside him. Doyoung sighs before singing softly under his breath and moving to his wardrobe.

He pulls a beaten and worn cloak over his shoulders, tugging the hood up before reaching for his staff. The feeling of spun steel under his calloused fingers reminds him of holding the hand of a loved one.

A feeling only existent in his imagination because for as long as Doyoung can remember, he reigned alone.

He is the Keeper. The Keeper of fallen stars, of fading love.

He can make no room for anyone else.

——

Doyoung collects the star with tender hands in the middle of an empty field. He places the greying ball of energy in a silken cushion before making the trip back to the solitude he calls home.

“Take rest now, little star,” he whispers into his pouch, “you’ve done well.”

——

Perhaps loneliness is an overstatement.

Doyoung does not reign alone. He steps into his house and is immediately greeted by a twinkling glow from every room. Doyoung has spent eons saving fallen stars, a sign of the end of shared love, and giving them a home when the sky rejects them.

His home is a home filled with unrequited, broken love.

Yet it fills the cavity in his chest with such sweltering warmth.

He sets his sceptre down and hangs his cloak before lifting the star in his cupped hands and taking it to the table he had made up for it. The table is overflowing with soothing stalks of lavender, the burn of incense and the little glass pedestal on which he set the star.

When Doyoung sings, his house glows and the greying orb of the former star begins to regain its light, albeit only a fraction of how it used to be.

But under Doyoung’s soulful melody and the gentle comfort in his home is where mourning loves can find solace and rest.

——

Doyoung sits by his balcony, one eye on the still healing star he brought in and one eye back on the parchment in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” he says to the star that winks a sad glimmer at him in acknowledgment. He looks back at the page where he had written the story that the star had communicated to him. Not with words but with little flashes of rose-tinted memories.

Lee Jeno.

A young boy that had fallen hopelessly with his best friend, Jaemin, was his name, for years, hanging onto the hope that one day, his friend would fall just as hopelessly back. He had given up so much for a boy that never knew of his childhood friend’s feelings towards him.

Not even when he slid the ring onto the finger of someone else.

The same night where another star burned blindly bright, Lee Jeno’s love came hurtling down.

“That boy of yours,” Doyoung says affectionately, “is so blessed to have been draped in your love for so long. You have sacrificed so much of your heart, now it’s time to heal.”

The star titters happily, pulling a laugh out of the Keeper as he stands to pull open the linen curtains to let the sun beam down on the orb. After spending so much time hidden by the sun, the rays rejuvenate faded stars faster than anything else.

“We will make you strong enough so that when you give your heart to someone else, you will hang in the sky for all of eternity, Lee Jeno.”

Doyoung leaves Jeno to rest and slides his parchment notebook into the shelf in his bedroom before wandering out to check in on the other stars he homes. Some have long vanished, not back up in the sky but its energy, its stardust, returns to its owner once they are ready to give their heart away.

Others, namely Lee Taeyong, have been with Doyoung since he first became the Keeper with no intention of leaving. He shines brighter than when he first fell after the death of his husband. Doyoung hadn’t understood how his star had fallen when it was clear that Taeyong was still in love with his late spouse, but the star had said it best.

Youngho is not alive to love me back. So, the sky let me go, but I will never let him go.

Doyoung sometimes still doesn’t understand what Taeyong means but he sees the images of Youngho that Taeyong plays. They are seen through the eyes of someone whose soul belonged to the subject. Doyoung sees the amount of love shared between the two and feels himself mourning for their loss just as strongly as Taeyong does.

He will never rush Taeyong into moving on and is aware of the possibility that he may never. So, Doyoung makes sure that Taeyong’s star will rest easy and prays that the real Taeyong is somewhere out there learning to smile again.

“Hello, my friend,” Doyoung murmurs as he changes out the bunches of sunflowers next to Taeyong with a fresh bouquet. “It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”

Taeyong pushes a gust of stardust at Doyoung, making him flinch and sneeze before giggling at the star’s antics. It was a joy seeing the playful side of Taeyong after accompanying him through his prolonged grief.

“You’re in a good mood today, I see,” Doyoung muses as he turns the kettle on to brew a cup of tea.

Doyoung turns to select tea leaves when an astral projection stops him. He watches silently as Taeyong shows him a glimpse of when an adolescent Youngho, lankly and clumsy, first asked to court a young Taeyong.

He can’t look away from how Taeyong and Youngho seem to recite thousands of sonnets with their eyes alone. Love language, a term he learned when younger stars would communicate with him. Their glimpses were already fluent in it at such a young age.

“Today marks the day?” Doyoung inquires before turning to pour himself a cup.

Taeyong releases a low humming sound that Doyoung has come to translate as agreement. Doyoung stirs the tea while staring off at the empty space where the projection once was.

“Do you still miss him terribly?”

A pause.

Doyoung watches the new image of Taeyong buried in Youngho’s embrace, his height engulfing his lover. Doyoung’s lips twitch in fondness when Taeyong closes his eyes to breathe his husband in.

“He must still love you, even in the afterlife. How could he not?”

Taeyong is stronger than most fallen stars given his time under Doyoung’s care and is able to manifest his stardust to form a hand to gently caress Doyoung’s cheek. Just as Doyoung has comforted Taeyong through his mourning, the star had borne witness to the many tears that the Keeper had shed out of loneliness.

Doyoung often questions if part of his commitment to a life’s duty as the Keeper is because the closest he’d ever get to his own taste of love is by counselling those once in love and now in heartbreak.

By watching others being loved and taking studious notes, he’d better understand something he desperately wants but will never have.

Because what cursed soul would want a hermit resigned to catching fallen souls and nursing them to move on?

He is a man educated in broken hearts, not whole ones.

Pained flashes of weak light come from where Jeno rests and Doyoung is pulled from his sour thoughts and sets his cup down.

He has duties to attend to.

——

Jeno still wails for his loss and Doyoung stays up into the early dawn singing and soothing this young boy through his first real heartbreak.

Lee Jeno reminds him of Huang Renjun, a star that only recently departed from Doyoung’s abode. Renjun’s star had fallen after years of hanging onto a man that consistently betrayed his loyalty by sharing beds with men who were not his lover. Renjun had long known of the infidelity but said nothing to salvage his love.

Until he realized that there would never be love between the two of them. There was nothing to salvage.

Like Jeno, Renjun had to cope with the reality of something he knew all along.

Unlike Jeno, Renjun had been scorned, embittered before he met an older ex-pat that treated him with a type of kindness he had never experienced.

Renjun departed and Doyoung was sure that the new star that appeared in the sky that same night was a sign of his new beginnings.

“It is okay to hurt, my little light. You will learn to love again,” Doyoung ensures as Jeno’s light dims from exhaustion.

When he quiets, Doyoung leaves him to recover and goes to see some of his other friends. He greets Yuta, a Japanese soldier who had fallen for a young Korean poet who had refused his affections for another.

He brushes a gentle hand over Jungwoo, a man who caused the end of his own love when he no longer felt affection for his lover. He refuses to move on out of guilt.

Doyoung sweeps the incense ash away from Kun’s table, a noble unable to win the hand of his one true love, a King.

They all welcome him with varying colours of light and stardust, he sings the entire way, bringing joy to stars that feel they have very little purpose left.

To an outsider, Doyoung looks like he surrounds himself in pain and hopelessness but to him, he surrounds himself with hope. These stars will all one day leave and others will replace them in the sky. Humans have the awe-inspiring ability to love over and over despite the fear of heartbreak.

It is not warriors or heroes that the constellations should immortalize but the human condition.

After watching the night sky to ensure no other stars have fallen, Doyoung retires for the night, tucking himself under his blanket. He stares up at his ceiling and wonders if he’ll ever have his own star hanging proudly in the sky.

To be loved so strongly that the heavenly bodies above deem a star-worthy just for him. It must be such a wonder. Such an honour. Those who receive one must be born with great fortune.

If only he had the strength to venture outside the dark forests that line his safe haven and see the world for what it is. Maybe then he could find a love of his own. But people are terrifying, they break hearts, lie, cheat, fall out of love.

Doyoung is not made for that kind of a world.

Instead, he will die alone with the story of the Keeper keeping him alive.

When Doyoung lets sleep pull him under, he misses a star that shoots across the sky, aiming straight for the ground but never makes impact.

——

When he wakes, Doyoung immediately feels something is off.

It takes him a moment to gather his bearings as he pulls himself out of his bed and into his day clothes. It’s not until he draws his curtains open that he sees rain pattering against the walls of his home. Water has already dripped through his opened windows when he scrambles to shut and lock the shutters.

You see, it has never rained before on his land. The weather was always temperate and accommodating as nature looked favourably on Doyoung for protecting her land from the searing burn of fallen stars.

He hurries through his house, shutting the windows he had left open for his stars. They all flicker in commotion, equally alarmed by the never-before-seen weather. The clouds are depressingly dreary and the air is chilled.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Doyoung shrieks frantically while patting the stars dry with a towel he pulled from his bathroom.

The stars are not mad, they could never be, not towards Doyoung, but they are still shaken and he wants nothing more than to hold them in his arms and calm them. The low hum of Taeyong has Doyoung turning to where he is seated on his pedestal. Taeyong’s stardust sprinkles over the sunflower bunches and Doyoung immediately realizes what he’s trying to convey.

His flower garden.

He was always careful with the exact amounts that he’d water them by hand. They never had to withstand frigid temperature and torrential downpours that lasted hours.

Oh Goddess, what if they were drowned? His poor flowers!

In his panic, he forgoes his cloak and runs to his front door and swings it open. He takes a step and his foot catches on something that nearly sends him tumbling face-first down his cement steps. He grabs the doorway and balances himself but when he looks at what tripped him, he nearly falls again.

There is a man asleep on his doorstep.

A man.

A real man.

In the flesh.

Doyoung feels his brain stall as he stares at this man, bruises and scars dusting his face and hands. He is drenched in the rainwater, clutching his coat tightly between his hands. He has tawny brown hair that is plastered to his forehead and his lips are blue, the parlour of his skin grey, from the freezing temperatures.

The man begins shifting, a low groan escaping his lips as his eyes start to flutter open. Doyoung reacts the way only a recluse can. He slams the door shut, locking it before his knees give out.

He crashes to the ground, his heart rattling painfully against the fragile bones of his ribs. His mind races at the impossibility that someone managed to find him this far out in the middle of desolation.

Doyoung cannot remember the last time he had seen another person in the flesh, much less to have one at his door.

His hands tremble and the cold from outside manages to seep under his skin and between his joints. He built this home to be a haven not only for his stars but for himself too. With plants, herbs, books, and paintings filling every inch not already taken by stars, this place is his . Every intimate part of himself holds the brick and cement together. It is not made for anyone else.

He feels dizzy and contemplates letting the man freeze to death when a familiar caress touches his cheek. He looks at Taeyong’s stardust before it glitters over Jeno’s star that, for the first time, is shining brightly.

Doyoung is confused at first until Jeno’s stardust, weak and new falls over the doorknob. Doyoung can only let his jaw drop incredulously, “you cannot possibly expect me to let him in. He is a stranger!”

Yuta twinkles and Doyoung glares, “you are stars, that is vastly different than a human man. What if he is a thief? What if he takes you all from me? What if he hurts me? I don’t even know how he got here. I don’t want him here.”

He can feel Taeyong’s stardust fall on his face gently, glitter scattering over his pale cheeks like freckles. He doesn’t understand why they are so adamant in wanting the stranger inside. He struggles to swallow the lump in his throat down and resists the tears that threaten to spill. He is anxious and so scared that he feels the fear grip his lungs to prevent him from breathing.

He hasn’t spoken to a real person, not a projection, since he was old enough to realize how cruel words could be.

“I’m not ready.”

He isn’t sure, perhaps it’s panic-induced delirium but he swears he hears Taeyong’s voice.

“We are never ready for life-changing things, Keeper.”

——

It takes Doyoung an hour and a half before he feels even a little ready to pry open his front door. He partly wishes for the man to be gone, tired of waiting, but when Doyoung peeks his head out the door, his hopes are dashed when he finds the man, now awake, still at his doorstep.

He is sitting crossed-legged, facing the door and when he sees it open, he sits straighter. His face is tilted up and it softens when he catches sight of Doyoung. He is still clutching his coat tightly and despite the scratches on his face, he doesn’t look near-death.

The stranger opens his mouth to speak but Doyoung beats him to it, “Who are you? Why are you here?”

The man blinks at his sharp tone before smiling, dimples creasing into his cheek, “It’s you. You are the Keeper.”

His voice is low and beautiful, Doyoung almost begins to wonder how their voices would sound singing one of Doyoung’s favourite songs together. He dashes the thought out of his mind, “How do you know who I am?”

“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life,” the man replies earnestly, nearly awestruck. But why?

Doyoung feels faint as he digs his nails into the soft wood of his door, “I don’t know you.”

“My name is Jung Jaehyun.”

Doyoung can’t help it when he latches onto the name and rolls it around in his head. It’s a pretty name, pleasing to say and even more so to hear.

He tries to steady his voice to not give away the debilitating fear wracking through him, “I do not know you, Jung Jaehyun. How did you get here?”

“I travelled through the forest.”

Doyoung flinches and tucks himself further behind the door, “How? The forest is cruel to those she doesn’t recognize.”

“She’s a friend,” Jaehyun quips through his fatigue, but judging by the scars on his skin she mustn’t be a close friend.

Doyoung feels himself shaking and whispers, “who are you?”

Jaehyun pushes up to stand, he struggles a little but his stature is intimidating. He is tall, shoulders broad, “I am who I say I am.”

Doyoung’s brows furrow, “Then answer me this, why are you here?”

The gentle smile on Jaehyun’s face crumples into one of heart-wrenching despair as he loosens his coat to reveal what he was so desperately protecting.

Jaehyun’s hands shake as he pulls out a still burning star, “I need your help.”

Doyoung feels his heart stutter a beat, he doesn’t recognize this star and doesn’t remember when it could have fallen. But it is burning too brightly for one that hits the ground.

“H-How…”

“I caught it.”

Doyoung’s head snaps up and he gapes at him in astonishment, “You caught a falling star with your bare hands? How!? You would have perished on contact.”

“Does it matter? I am here now, alive and I need your help. Please,” he begs as if it is not Doyoung’s sole purpose on this earth to help fallen stars.

Doyoung sighs, his duty coming ahead of his own severe misgivings, “You came to the right place, I presume.”

He reaches to take the star but Jaehyun quickly pulls it back, holding it protectively to his chest. “You don’t understand. I do not want you to heal it or help it move on.”

Doyoung frowns, “You’re correct that I do not understand.”

“I don’t want it to become a fallen star,” Jaehyun insists adamantly as if Doyoung has the power to make that decision of his own.

Doyoung looks upon Jaehyun’s denial sympathetically, “As it is in your hands, it already is a fallen star.”

Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and his voice is thick with emotion as he shakes his head, “No, please. Help me. I can’t let this die.”

Doyoung is taken back by the intensity of Jaehyun’s plea, “I don’t control that, Jaehyun. The sky does. I only help those which have already fallen.”

Tears drip down Jaehyun’s face and Doyoung doesn’t realize his hand is softly cupping his jaw, thumbing away the paths carved into his warm skin. His words beat his mind when they speak without thought, “Come in, Jaehyun. Let me make you some tea and take a look at this star.”

Jaehyun leans his cheek into Doyoung’s touch and stares up at him, eyes heavy in an emotion Doyoung doesn’t recognize. Jaehyun tilts his face so that his lips brush Doyoung’s palm, jolting the Keeper back to a reality where he pulls his hand away.

Jaehyun looks a little dazed, “You haven’t given me your name.”

“You already know me as the Keeper,” Doyoung says challengingly.

Jaehyun’s soft pink lips curl into a weak smile, “I am sure you are so much more than your title.”

He stares and wonders what his heart is doing.

“My name is Kim Doyoung.”

——

Doyoung busies himself with gathering warm clothes and dry towels for Jaehyun in a poor attempt to forget the fact that a Stranger who he only knows by name is currently sitting in the lounge of his house. He has let someone in.

So close to his stars and plants, so close to his bedroom with his shelves containing stories of heartbreak dating back millennia. Jung Jaehyun crossed a threshold no other outsider had.

Doyoung chooses not to dwell on this fact and only focuses on hurrying downstairs, afraid to leave the newcomer unsupervised. When he returns, Jaehyun is still huddled on the couch, cradling the star.

“You can dry off and change into these. I haven’t used the fireplace in ages but I’m sure I can figure it out. Leave the star on the counter, I’ll look at it while you change,” Doyoung orders.

Jaehyun watches Doyoung with so much gratitude and appreciation that the Keeper looks away. He hears Jaehyun stand and walk over to him, he feels him take the clothes when their hands touch and he smells the rain-soaked musk of his skin when he walks by.

Once the door is firmly closed behind Jaehyun, his stars hum and light up in excitement one room away. He can’t fathom why they are so happy that a Stranger is encroaching their territory, especially Jeno.

He ignores Yuta’s mischievous prodding and just focuses his attention on the new star. Since Jaehyun entered his home, the star had not lost even a fraction of its glow.

He had never seen anything like this before. Fallen stars lose the majority of their light when they hit the ground and they continue draining until Doyoung finds them and even still, they had never been so bright.

Doyoung closes his eyes and focuses on the orb in front of him. He blocks everything else out and reaches his energy out to feel for the star. He can feel the aura brush up against his but instead of sadness like Taeyong, heartbreak like Jeno, bitterness like Renjun, or longing like Yuta, he is hit with an immeasurable amount of pure, untainted, undeterred, hopeful love.

Adoration.

Passion.

Admiration.

Devotion.

It wraps Doyoung up in an all-end compassing hug, running its loving fingers through his hair and skimming fondly down his spine. It welcomes Doyoung as if long waiting for him to step into its embrace. The veneration is so strong, wrapping around him with a feeling akin to touching the most expensive silks.

Doyoung gasps as he yanks his energy back and opens his eyes. He shivers, his heart quivering, not in fear like it had been, but in the excitement of being able to experience something so strong and wonderful. He gulps and reaches his hand out to touch the star but its light burns so hotly that he can’t even hover over it without being scalded.

How had Jaehyun handled it so easily?

“What did you see?”

Doyoung jerks back and looks to find Jaehyun leaning against the doorway watching Doyoung with a soft tilt of his head. His eyes find their way down Jaehyun’s body, attempting to understand the heat boiling under his skin at the sight of the Stranger dressed in clothes he had only ever seen on himself.

Loose on Doyoung, the material clings tightly to Jaehyun’s form. In the distance, Taeyong’s hum tinkers into the air. Jaehyun turns to the sound but Doyoung clears his throat, drawing his attention back to him.

“Nothing. I could feel its emotions but it isn’t willing to open up yet, not to mention its heat makes it hard to touch,” Doyoung explains while turning back to look at the star.

Jaehyun walks over, his hair only slightly damp and takes a seat next to Doyoung, “Open up?”

“Usually the stars project memories of the love that ended to allow me to better understand their pain and help them with healing. And their temperature typically drops once away from the moon’s power,” he murmurs.

Jaehyun makes a thoughtful sound, “I told you. It wasn’t ready to fall, the love did not end.”

“The skies are never wrong. She knew this love had ended and let it go to make room for ones that are beginning,” Doyoung turns to Jaehyun as he speaks, his breath hitching at how close he finds Jaehyun to his face.

It’s only then that he notices some of his cuts are still beading with blood, “you’re hurt.”

Jaehyun pulls back and touches his lip with a hiss, “ah, nature was a little mad that I kept tripping carelessly over her roots when I was running.”

Doyoung pulls a small box of medicine out and clicks his tongue disapprovingly, “why would you run?”

“I had to get to you.”

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun, stilling under the tenderness of his gaze and contentment of being in the Keeper’s presence, “can I tend to your wounds?”

“Kim Doyoung, I would be so honoured,” and despite the hyperbole, Doyoung detects nothing but sincerity in Jaehyun’s face. He also notes that he’s never heard his own name spoken in that tone.

He keeps his hand steady as he strokes lines of cream over his cuts, pressing a plaster on the larger one by his jaw. Jaehyun’s skin is soft and gentle, much like the way he watches Doyoung work. He is unnerving, staring into Doyoung’s soul as if he knows more about him than he revealed.

“You heal people and their souls,” Jaehyun whispers softly, almost as if not to let Doyoung hear. Which is foolish since the Keeper is close enough to count the lashes framing Jaehyun’s eyes. Doyoung doesn’t respond, he truly doesn’t know what to say but Jaehyun doesn’t seem to demand a response, content in just looking.

Time feels like it ticks slowly just for Doyoung, stretching seconds into minutes so that he could inspect and memorize every inch of this Stranger.

This Stranger who nearly died for a star, who looks far too comfortable in Doyoung’s clothes and who believes so strongly that a love that has clearly ended is still alive.

Doyoung puts the medicine away and returns to the star with Jaehyun by his side. “Do you mind carrying it? For some reason, you don’t react to the temperature as I do.”

Jaehyun acquiesces easily, lifting the star with such reverence that Doyoung pauses to stare in wonderment before leading him to the rooms where he keeps the stars to rest. He can hear the intake of breath when Jaehyun takes in the lush, thriving home he’s made for his fallen loves. At the sight of them both, the stars light up excitedly in their own ways. They don’t make a sound but Doyoung has spent so much time with them that he can hear their unique tones in the cadence of their lights.

Yuta’s teasing, Jeno’s enthusiasm, Taeyong’s tender approval, Jungwoo’s amusement, Kun’s happy confusion.

Doyoung quickly works to set up a space before showing Jaehyun where to place the star. Without his hands occupied, Jaehyun looks around to take the room in. “It’s so beautiful here. I mean, your entire home is wonderful, but this is especially magnificent.”

Doyoung blushes under the praise. He held a great deal of pride on his shoulders when it comes to the level of care he gives his fallen stars.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, “they seem to like it too.”

Jaehyun looks from star to star, “Do they speak to you?”

“Through projections and flashes of light. The stronger ones can produce stardust and low-frequency sounds,” he explains while reaching for his glasses.

He places them on the bridge of his nose but misses the endeared look on Jaehyun’s face. Doyoung inspects his star, walking around it, “its light hasn’t seemed to fade since you first showed it to me. I don’t understand why but it’s clearly meant to rest.”

“Can’t you help it go back up to the sky?” Jaehyun asks weakly.

Doyoung’s eyes dart to Jaehyun and if it wasn’t for the utterly defeated look on his face, he would scoff at the absurd question, “Stars can’t go back up. Once the sky sees that the love has faded she releases it and it falls. Nothing can bring it back but they can be…reborn, in a sense, with the proper nurture and care which is what I aim to do here.”

Jaehyun seems to perk up at that, “Can they be reborn for the same person that the love ended with?”

Jaehyun looks much like an eager child wanting to know if fairytales could be real. Doyoung thinks it’s impossible to want to crush his spirit, “No, it can’t, no love is the same once it’s ended, however, it can be reborn as a new star for love shared between the same two people. The type of love may be different, though, stronger or platonic, weaker or newer. But again, this is only possible if we let the love heal and pass.”

Jaehyun gulps, sharp teeth coming to gnaw on his lip, “How will you manage that?”

“Healing is a journey, there is no set instruction. I listen to the star, hear what it wants to share and I work to help bring it peace. The challenge is that this one is still so fresh and powerful, it doesn’t want to open up.” He knows it’ll be difficult to help a star move on that isn’t ready to, he has Taeyong resting behind him as a testament to the perseverance some have.

“It’s mine.”

Doyoung freezes and slowly lifts his eyes to meet Jaehyun’s, “your…what?”

“It’s my star, for a love that I have. That’s how I saw it fall, that’s how I caught it, that’s why I can touch it despite its heat,” he admits.

This is a first, one of many Doyoung has faced today.

He has never met an owner of a star before.

“Oh…” is shamefully all he manages to say.

Jaehyun looks a cross between devastated and sheepish, “I will make it open up to you, it may be unconventional to the projections you must be used to but I will help any way that I can. I…I can lose every material thing I own but I cannot lose my star. I live solely for it.”

Doyoung can only stare at the handsome sweep of Jaehyun’s hair over his brow and the nervous way he twists the hem of Doyoung’s shirt he’s wearing around his finger. He doesn’t understand the source of helplessness he feels at that moment. Perhaps Jaehyun’s determination is contagious and Doyoung isn’t strong enough to say no. Love is love, all are worth fighting for.

“Okay.”

Jaehyun looks over at Doyoung who, for the first time, smiles at him. It leaves him star-struck.

“Let’s heal your love, Jaehyun.”

So, Jaehyun stays.

——

And Doyoung doesn’t make him leave.

It starts with Doyoung insisting that it was too dangerous to send Jaehyun back so late at night. Jaehyun is grateful and promises to leave in the morning. Doyoung sets up a makeshift bedroom and provides what he can to make Jaehyun’s stay as comfortable as his star’s.

The next morning when he attempts to leave, Doyoung tells Jaehyun to at least stay for breakfast. They end up talking for so long that when he gets ready to leave for the second time, the rain starts up, prompting Doyoung to offer the guest room again as the chill and nightfall becomes too treacherous.

This goes on until Jaehyun stops attempting to leave and Doyoung no longer needs to find excuses to ask him to stay.

In their time together, Jaehyun and Doyoung work slowly with the star. Jaehyun coaxes it to open up and Doyoung gets glimpses of the projections that it allows. He only ever sees Jaehyun in these images, though. He sees the dazzling look in Jaehyun’s eyes when he stares at something he loves but Doyoung never sees what he’s looking at.

It feels too intimate to ask Jaehyun directly, especially when he never offers it up himself.

Doyoung finds himself no longer weary of the idea of Jaehyun in his space for Jaehyun is nothing short of incredibly understanding and respectful. He understands the peace and quiet that Doyoung cultivates and seems to thrive in it himself. They co-exist wonderfully and Jaehyun is perceptive of when to push and when to pull back and observe. He moves around Doyoung’s sanctuary with the understanding of how personal it is for the Keeper.

He fiddles with little repairs that Doyoung had not realized the house needed but that make his life considerably more comfortable. He waters Doyoung’s plants and sometimes he’ll catch him brushing his finger oh-so-gently against their petals with a smile.

Jaehyun reads with Doyoung, goes on walks with Doyoung, he cooks all three meals with Doyoung and soon the Keeper finds the Stranger to be delightful company.

He is intelligent and quick with a passion to learn new things. Jaehyun has a knowledge bank full of interesting facts that Doyoung finds fascinating. He can spend hours on his own in Doyoung’s garden when Doyoung needs alone time to spend with his stars.

Serenity, Jaehyun calls it.

A second home.

He has a green thumb and after weeks of building trust, Doyoung grants him permission to plant his own peonies.

But the stars.

His stars adore Jaehyun.

When Doyoung and Jaehyun sing the same song under their breaths together, the stars are over the moon. Taeyong brushes the back of Jaehyun’s hand affectionately whenever he is near, Yuta uses his stardust to trip Jaehyun jokingly, Kun glitters excitedly when he spots him, Jeno sprinkles his own stardust in his hair. Jaehyun takes it all in stride with a large smile.

Doyoung watches fondly, one day, as Jaehyun tries brushing glitter out of his hair, “they like you. Jeno isn’t often playful.”

Jaehyun freezes and looks over to where Jeno sits, “that’s Jeno’s star? Lee Jeno?”

Doyoung is confused but walks close to continue combing the stardust out of Jaehyun’s hair with lithe, practiced, fingers, “mmhmm, why do you ask?”

“That’s my little brother. Half-brother,” Jaehyun whispers, his breath tracing Doyoung’s neck. He shivers and leans closer into Doyoung’s hand, “he lost a love?”

“His friend, Jaemin,” Doyoung reveals. He is not as surprised by the connection, the universe has a purpose for everything she does and there is a thread linking all of it together.

Jaehyun looks at Jeno whose glow flickers bashfully, “Oh, my little brother. How many years have you been hiding pain?”

Doyoung finds Jaehyun tucked in a corner spending more time with Jeno, even though it isn’t the same as speaking to his real brother, Doyoung thinks it’s beautiful that he’s learning about a new side of his sibling. Jeno isn’t as sad as days pass. His light flickers more brightly in the presence of his older brother.

Doyoung occasionally brings Jaehyun tea when he’s hours deep in conversation with Jeno and every time he accepts a cup, he squeezes Doyoung’s hand, his eyes darting up gratefully. It leaves Doyoung a little spacey but he doesn’t complain.

Sometimes he feels that way when Jaehyun compliments him or goes out of his way to do something just to make Doyoung smile. Like the night he knocked on Doyoung’s bedroom door and when he opened it, found a bouquet of peonies on the floor, the first of Jaehyun’s blossoms, with a note attached to it.

For my Keeper.

Jaehyun’s star still glows as brightly as the very first day, but it has allowed Doyoung to hold it and shows longer glimpses of Jaehyun’s face in love. Doyoung has long acknowledged that Jaehyun is as beautiful as they come. He has a strong jaw, gentle yet defined features, a heart-stopping smile, handsome dimples, and a melting laugh. He has kindness in spades with patience and tenderness to last lifetimes.

But when Doyoung sees images of Jaehyun in love, he is simply breathtaking.

It tinges sadness in his vision of how that beauty is reserved for someone who didn’t want it but Doyoung pushes past it until he is alone with Taeyong one evening. Jaehyun is puttering around outside having recently started an ambitious project of growing a herb garden from scratch.

Doyoung is nursing a warm cup of tea when Taeyong does something peculiar, he flashes images of Youngho smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkled, his lips splitting into a slow tender grin. He doesn’t understand it at first until Taeyong does something no star has ever done.

He shows images of his Keeper.

Doyoung is frozen in his seat as he watches images of his own smiles, slow and gentle, bright and unbridled, eyes curved up and happy.

He understands, startlingly, that Taeyong loves him.

Loves him in a way vastly different than the romantic way he loves Youngho, but loves him nonetheless. They have been companions for centuries, friends who have seen each other through hell.

Tears of gratitude spring up in Doyoung’s eyes at the weight of what it means for Taeyong to be able to astral project images of himself.

Then, Taeyong plays the images of Youngho and Doyoung next to each other. A moment passes and the images zoom out. Youngho is smiling at Taeyong.

Doyoung is smiling at Jaehyun.

Oh.

Doyoung says nothing, does nothing.

He just sits and lets it sink that Taeyong is correct. He can’t feel Jeno’s embrace or Taeyong ruffling his hair. He is too preoccupied with coming to terms with the truth.

He is in love with his Stranger.

Yet his Stranger is in love with someone else whom he is dedicating months fighting to stay in love with.

Doyoung wonders if, in the time spent with Jaehyun, he hadn’t noticed his own star appearing.

He wonders when it fell from the sky.

——

Jaehyun starts accompanying Doyoung on his trips to collect fallen stars. That’s when Doyoung is positive that he is so far in love with the man that there is no recovery.

He acts more as moral support, he doesn’t ever interfere in the collection of the stars because that ritual is sacred to Doyoung. And Jaehyun always understands.

He sees so much that sometimes it sends a chill down Doyoung’s spine.

“Why do you do this?” Jaehyun asks one night as Doyoung tucks away the last star. It is St.Valentines Day, there are many new stars in the sky but almost twice as many on the ground.

“What do you mean?” Doyoung asks. He nearly slips climbing up a steep hill and Jaehyun’s steady hand finds his. And when they’re on even ground, Jaehyun doesn’t let go.

Neither does Doyoung.

In fact, he laces their tired, lonely, fingers together and walks closer, shoulder-to-shoulder, under the starlit sky. Doyoung knows what a home is, he has one that he cherishes deeply sitting on a hill painstakingly built as a labour of self-love.

But holding Jaehyun’s hand feels like another home, a second one. He understands then how the Stranger feels in the Keeper’s garden and it makes his heart swell.

“Why do you collect fallen stars and look after them with such deep affection?” Jaehyun asks in curiosity.

Doyoung hums, thinking of all the reasons he used to tell himself, but since silently loving Jaehyun, he came to better understand himself, “having your love end is not the worst thing to happen to a person. Having the fact that you once loved wholeheartedly be forgotten, is the worst. I want these stars to be remembered for their love and I want them to have the strength to fall in love again. I think a human’s capacity to love is one of the most brilliant things about the species. I hope it never fades.”

Silence hangs as Doyoung catches his breath. He isn’t used to sharing his feelings so openly and despite the flush on his cheeks, he doesn’t regret it one bit. He loves what he does and he isn’t ashamed of it.

Jaehyun’s thumb comes stroking at Doyoung’s fluttering pulse, “Doyoung?”

“Yes, Jaehyun?” His voice trembles.

“I think you are very, incredibly, pretty.”

Doyoung feels his heart lurch up his chest before melting into a gooey goodness that slinks through his body. He feels his skin heating up and is positive Jaehyun can feel it through the palm of his hand but he manages to whisper, “thank you.”

“It must be a celestial experience to be loved by you.”

Doyoung almost has the depraved instinct to reply with ‘well you should know since I love you the most.’

——

Eventually, the makeshift bed Jaehyun has been using breaks, it was rickety to begin with.

Doyoung flinches awake at the loud sound and pained groans. He skitters worriedly to Jaehyun’s room, knocking softly on the door. “Are you alright?”

Some rustling and a few steps later, the door opens and Jaehyun looks warm, sleep-dripped and embarrassed, “the bed frame collapsed. I’ll replace it, I’ll ask the forest for some spare wood and build one tomorrow, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.”

Doyoung rocks on his heels, turning his words over in his head before speaking, “come sleep in my room, then.”

Jaehyun looks taken aback by the suggestion but recovers before Doyoung can scuttle away in humiliation, “I appreciate it, but I can sleep on the floor in my room instead of bothering you by sleeping on the floor in your room.”

“No. Sleep in my bed.”

“W—“

“With me.”

Doyoung would think it’d take more than that to have Jaehyun climbing under his covers next to him, but it doesn’t. Jaehyun’s breathing is soft and even unlike Doyoung’s erratic own. He is particular about his bedroom, he’s never let Jaehyun step foot into it, much less share his bed. Love of his life or not.

But despite the stiffness of his spine, he feels comforted by the steady pattern of his breathing and the low slur of his goodnight before sleep takes him. Jaehyun is Doyoung’s source of comfort. Never imposing or intrusive but rather familiar and welcomed.

Seconds, then minutes pass before every muscle in Doyoung’s body relaxes and he falls asleep next to Jaehyun.

When he wakes hours later by the sun, he finds himself pinned by the weight of Jaehyun’s chest curved tightly against his back, one of Jaehyun’s arms under Doyoung’s neck and the other draped over his side. It is disorienting at first, only a little alarming before he is so satisfyingly comfortable that he basks in it.

He wonders if Jaehyun would ever touch him like this had he been awake. Jaehyun’s physique is masculine where Doyoung’s is more delicate, he likes how he feels being held by him. Doyoung hopes Jaehyun doesn’t feel as though he is betraying his lover, this is, after all, a sleep-deprived error.

But then he feels Jaehyun’s even breathing break and his body shift. Before Doyoung can leap away, Jaehyun’s left-hand finds Doyoung’s left and his right-hand threads through Doyoung’s right. He pulls Doyoung closer into his chest so that they form a single solid line. Jaehyun noses up the back of Doyoung’s neck and he swears on the Goddesses above that Jaehyun takes a deep inhale for the purpose of smelling him.

“Good morning, my Keeper,” his voice deep, raspy against his ear and fills his veins with something heady and foreign, delicious.

“Good morning, my Stranger,” Doyoung replies softly. He feels Jaehyun’s smile against his neck. He wants to turn and look at his face but he doesn’t want to disturb the tranquility.

They stay like that for a while longer, Jaehyun humming into the still morning air while playing with Doyoung’s long fingers.

“I should get up and check on the stars,” Doyoung says airily.

Jaehyun lets out a sound from his chest and Doyoung can feel it branch through his back, "I should go see if the forest will show me some mercy.”

Doyoung nods and hesitates for a second before bringing one of their interlaced hands together and pressing a light kiss to the back of his hand, “alright, go get on your knees and beg for her favour, I still don’t think she’s forgiven you.”

He untangles himself from Jaehyun and rushes out of the room, his ears blazing red, ducking away from the heart-drunk look on Jaehyun’s face.

Jaehyun does receive wood from the forest and builds a new, sturdier, nicer, bed frame.

It never gets used.

——

Jaehyun continues sharing Doyoung’s bed despite neither of them explicitly speaking about it. Every night, they get ready in their respective bedrooms and then meet in Doyoung’s. Their relationship grows with every changing day and it surprises Doyoung to think about how seamlessly Jaehyun fits into his life.

Seasons begin changing with each other by their side, another thing Doyoung isn’t used to.

The seasons never changed in the past, it always hung in-between the timid season of spring and summer solstice. Ever since Jaehyun brought the pouring rain with him, the weather has evolved along with the months.

Doyoung finds that he quite liked the fall, the burnt colour of the leaves and the bountiful harvest of Jaehyun’s now flourishing vegetation garden. He is especially fond when Jaehyun bustles into the house to show him baskets overflowing with pumpkins, potatoes and heads of corn with a proud smile on his face. It brings a cozy comfort in the depths of his lonesome soul.

The winter, however, is nightmarish.

Jaehyun laughs, loud and booming when he sees Doyoung hunched over, teeth chattering, nose red while glaring at the dwindling fire in the fireplace. It’s not just the seasons that indicate the passage of time, Jaehyun’s hair has grown out too, now gathered up in a short ponytail that Doyoung loves touching. The cold doesn't phase him, it just allows for him to hover even closer to Doyoung, an excuse to siphon heat.

Jaehyun has become a favourite of the forest who now ensures he has plenty of wood to burn to keep him and Doyoung warm. She seems particularly excited by the new seasons and Doyoung wonders if Jaehyun is the cause for it. He wouldn’t be surprised, magic has existed in lesser men than the one with whom he shares a home.

Jaehyun knows by now how Doyoung takes his tea and makes sure his Keeper has a warm cup in his hand whenever he shivers. He even takes up knitting under Taeyong’s watchful guidance and excitedly presents a lumpy oversized sweater for Doyoung to wear in the cold.

It is hideous, Doyoung wears it almost every day and treasures it deeply.

——

It’s when the spring peeks its head through melted snow caps that Doyoung is forced to face feelings he so carefully waltzed around.

He comes down the stairs after having left Jaehyun dozing off in his bed and goes through his routine of greeting his stars. Yuta had departed in the early winter but a young athlete named Sungchan had joined them after leaving behind a lover to pursue his dream career.

When he steps into the room, he feels the stillness. No excited lights greeting him, no stardust or humming. He frowns and immediately scans the room for anything out of place and sees it right away.

Jaehyun’s star is gone.

Doyoung doesn’t understand the heavyweight in his gut at first but he hears Jaehyun’s lazy steps and feels his calloused fingers brushing his tears, “why are you crying before the sun is even up?”

Doyoung lets out a choked sob and presses his hands to his eyes, his shoulders shaking, “your star is gone.”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath, like a volcano building to erupt but instead of an explosion of lava, he just exhales and threads his fingers through Doyoung’s hair, “hmm, it does seem to be that way.”

“Aren’t you sad? The love you’ve felt for that person is truly gone, you’ve moved on,” Doyoung whimpered when Jaehyun pressed his nose to the side of his head.

“I’ve never felt happier, my Keeper.”

Doyoung’s head hangs lower, “it’s my fault, isn’t it? Because I’ve kept you here and made you stay. If I let you leave you probably would’ve found love again.”

“Yes, it is your fault but I wouldn’t have found love again regardless of what you did,” Jaehyun says simply as if he didn’t drive a sword through Doyoung’s soul.

He feels a tender stroke at his ankle and senses Taeyong’s comfort but he only feels worse, undeserving of anyone’s sympathy. It was his life’s work to immortalize love, not assist in selfishly replacing it, “I’m sorry.”

“Why? My star fell because our love wasn’t reciprocated, I think things have changed between us so that our love could be reborn, stronger,” Jaehyun says against Doyoung’s skin.

Doyoung just shakes his head, “I’m so very sorry.”

“My Keeper, are you being intentionally dense? Who do you think I was in love with? Why do you think I came to you to heal it? Why didn’t I ask to leave?”

The tone of Jaehyun’s voice has Doyoung pulling his hands away from his face and peering up at him, “I—I don’t understand.”

Jaehyun cups Doyoung’s face with the same tenderness that he held his star, “I was in love with you. That star was for you, my love.”

Doyoung’s eyes widened, “Wh-What? But how? That star fell before we met.”

“I think that’s why it fell. I had fallen in love with the infamous Keeper before I met him or knew who he was. I would stare up at the sky and feel so much love for the story of the man who looked after the love of everyone in the world. The man who would ensure that the hearts of all were cared for and comforted. I never felt love except for the man who protects those who lose it. I would sit in my room and wonder who would love the man who commiserates it? Soon I wanted nothing more than to be that person.”

Doyoung’s hands find their way clutching the sides of Jaehyun’s shirt as he looks up to him. Jaehyun has no longer needed to wear Doyoung’s clothes and has instead taken up an entire closet of just his belongings. Because this home has become as much his as it has been Doyoung’s. Jaehyun stayed because he wanted to, not because he had to.

Surely, he is mistaken.

Doyoung’s shoulders hunch up to his ears, “but it fell and now it’s gone. That means your love for me is gone now, doesn’t it?”

“It fell because it could not sustain itself on a one-sided love to a man I didn’t really know, but I didn’t want to lose my love for you because I knew I’d never be the same. Loving you was the purest thing I ever had, nothing made me happier. Then I met you, I came to your door and to every Goddess above, you are every bit the man I loved and more. I thought it was a rain-induced dream when you opened the door, face covered in stardust. Every second I spent after made me love you more, properly, honestly, not for the Keeper but for Kim Doyoung,” Over the course of his confession, Jaehyun has begun swaying them, and Doyoung’s head is tucked against his neck, digging his fingers into Jaehyun in fear he too was just an induced dream.

“I have moved on from my love for the Keeper, I am now in love with you, Doyoung. So yes, it is your fault for helping me do so, and what a blessed fault to be blamed for, isn’t it?” He murmured playfully.

Doyoung stares purposelessly before shaking his head, “how could you love me? I am a recluse, a hermit who lives alone away from the rest of the world. You are the only living being I’ve been near in centuries. This home is as far as my feet take me. I am too scared to venture out further, how could you love someone like that?”

Jaehyun leans forward, tipping Doyoung’s face up before kissing him tenderly on the forehead, “It is quite easy to love you, my dear. You welcomed me into your sanctuary and let me love every side of you. I fell in love with you with my eyes open. Your solitude is not a shortcoming of yours, it only makes me admire you more. Your home is safe, loving, peaceful and I so selfishly want to continue sharing it. I love you, Doyoung. With no rhyme or reason, just with the entirety of my heart.”

The ceiling lights dim and soon his stars begin to emit a gorgeous golden glow around the two of them. Doyoung lifts his head and shudders under the open and vulnerable look in Jaehyun’s eyes.

In his lover’s eyes.

Doyoung no longer fumbles in fear. No. He has loved the stars for too long to be scared of the night.

And Jaehyun is his night.

“I love you too, Jaehyun. Immensely. Immeasurably.”

Oh, to see Jaehyun in love, in the flesh, is more spectacular than anything a projection could conjure.

Jaehyun’s smile is blinding when he nudges their noses against each other before dipping down, cupping his jaw and taking his Keeper’s lips in his.

——

Before the harsh winter ticks up, the forest clears a path designed just for Jaehyun to allow him to travel to his home to see his family, collect his belongings before coming home to Doyoung for good. He has never been so excited to open his safe haven to someone else.

Jeno’s star had departed and Jaehyun knew it to be a sign to return, if only for a few days.

It tears Doyoung's heart to have his Stranger away from him but when Jaehyun holds him tight, pressing kiss after kiss to his lips, licking promises of his return into the roof of his mouth, his feeble, romantic heart is set at ease.

Doyoung rises to his tip-toes and presses a lasting kiss to his lover’s forehead, on the apples of his cheeks, over his eyelids and again on his lips before he bids him a farewell, watching him duck between thick trees. He waits until Jaehyun’s completely out of view before looking up at the night sky.

He doesn’t intend to sound self-aggrandizing but he swears on the powers at be, his star shines the brightest.