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Jisung feels the familiar burn in his legs as he’s running. The footsteps behind him keep the same pace, never faltering, they should make him anxious, but Jisung knows he’ll outrun them. He has always managed to escape.
The hood that covers his electric blue hair falls down due to the wind, and catches on one of his earrings. He feels his ear warm and sting and realises it’s the industrial he’s recently gotten. He tries to pry the fabric from the metal, though it doesn’t budge.
His steps falter the slightest, hissing while trying to resist the pain and almost too late he hears his chasers close in on him. With a groan he leaves his hood hanging from his ear and speeds up.
The bright billboards hanging overhead light up his hair even more and he's slightly concerned that he'll have to change his hair colour again. Fortunately, they've never caught his face before. What Jisung considers a bit of a shame, he's quite pleasant to look at—not his words, though. They're Chan's, his bestie, as he likes to call him—to which Chan groans and moans and, sometimes even hits him in the back of his head for.
Chan has been begrudgingly waiting ‘till they catch Jisung so he can pick him up at the police station and throw him his customary displeased stare. He only ever gets those for three things; when he steals, gets caught smoking or gets another non-traditional piercing. He's seen Chan's face scrunch up into that expression for a fair amount of his lifetime.
Jisung doesn't really want to know if it'll only be a look when he gets caught this time. So, he keeps running through one alley to another, trying to lose his tail. It must be luck looking his way when he comes out from the narrow space between the buildings and there's a crowd bustling the street. Quickly jumping into the mass of people, bumping some here and there, his steps slow and he takes off the industrial—he knows he shouldn't, but the situation isn't leaving him much of a choice—pockets the bar and throws his hood back up his head.
He doesn't hear the hurried footsteps anymore and he knows they won't make a scene with so many people around. Surely not for as petty a theft as pickpocketing a few people on the street. They won't miss it, but the weight of two 10,000₩ bills and lots of change—that Jisung estimates to be around 15,000₩—is like a friendly reminder that he'll be able to celebrate tomorrow.
He speeds up again walking through the crowd. He needs to be home by midnight. Chan still sets up a curfew for him. Jisung doesn't particularly mind, he has no places to be at night, except the streets—and his cosy home. The door of it only being some thrown away material he'd found in a dumpster.
“Hyung?” Jisung calls out when he pushes the curtain aside. He kicks off his shoes and slips into his slippers. He pulls his hoodie closer to his body, feeling the cold of the night seep into his bones now that he's not running.
“In here,” Chan answers, monotone.
Jisung quickly pads over to the second and last space of their house. He finds Chan with his back to him on the mattress that they share that's on the ground and takes up three-fourths of the room. The other one being bags full of their clothes.
He steps over the bags and lets himself drop onto Chan to hang off his back. The older groans but doesn't move away. Jisung nuzzles his nose into his nape and breathes in the smell of his sweat. It stings his nose, but that's just how home smells like to him.
“What were you up to? You were almost late,” Chan asks once he's put away some papers into a folder. Jisung only sees a glimpse of the paper before it's put out of sight, catching the words contract and profits written in English. Granted, he's curious, but won't pry, Chan’s always been stubborn about keeping Jisung out of his business.
“Not much,” he avoids, and clings a bit tighter to the older.
It's almost as if his hyung can smell when Jisung’s in a bad mood, but it's more likely to be the amount of knowledge he has acquired over the five years he's taken care of him. It's as simple as that.
“What did you do now?” Chan's shoulders sag. He's tired, that much has been obvious to Jisung since they ended up on the street. Sometimes, he feels like a burden, but he knows the moment he would voice these thoughts they would immediately be shut down by the older.
“I got money,” he finally admits.
Chan sighs. “You mean you stole some money?”
All Jisung does is nod against his back.
“Jisung, we're not starving. You're only putting yourself in danger. That's the exact reason why I'm here. To not let you do that. Do you understand?” His tone lacks authority. It has for a while now. Jisung thinks the reason is most likely because he doesn't see himself as someone who should order him around anymore. Or maybe he's grown tired of saying these things only for them to be ignored. The latter seems more probable to Jisung.
“Hyung, I'm tired of eating only bread. Let's get miyeokguk and jjajangmyeon tomorrow,” Jisung mumbles these words into his neck.
Chan scoffs, “Don't be ungrateful. Why do you want to spend all the money on that? Leave it so we can buy clothes for when winter comes.”
Jisung feels just slightly insignificant, but he knows he means well. “But it's my birthday tomorrow. Can't we just have it once?”
And Chan—Chan stiffens. Ah, he forgot.
He's quick to turn around in Jisung's embrace, only to hold the younger even closer. “Shit. Jisungie, hyung's so sorry. I'm so sorry I forgot. We'll get whatever you want tomorrow, okay?”
“It's okay. I know you have a lot on your mind all the time.” Jisung hugs him tighter, hiding his head under Chan's chin as if it's the only place he feels safe. And he does feel safe. With Chan always.
“No. Don't. I should've remembered,” Chan insists, and strokes his hair even though it's so greasy his hand becomes oily itself from doing so. “I'll take you out to eat something delicious, hmm?”
Jisung just nods and stays where he belongs until sleep shows its face and another dreamless night follows.
Chan wakes up to his face pressed into Jisung's smelly blue hair. The colour hurts his eyes if he has to admit. He's not sure why he ever allowed that— right . The puppy eyes and then his excited laughter. They always get him. He would do anything for the younger. Unfortunately, he can't give him much.
Chan had been his babysitter before everything happened. The purging of the rich. Chan's family wasn't wealthy, but Jisung's was.
Five years ago. His parents worked under Jisung's. The Hans decided to sponsor children of their employees. The employees being rather underpaid, he didn't see how this was such a great deal.
Until, he did. Once he was chosen. The Hans thought his choice of wanting to study medicine was something to be admired.
They invited him and his parents over to their mansion. There, Chan met Jisung, who at the age of 14 had been an easily excitable child. He took interest in Chan and his parents were shocked to not see him shy away from attention. Chan gives his kindred trait all the credit for this development.
They asked this favour of him. To look after their son when he's not busy. Chan didn't mind. Alas, he didn't know that meant he'd had to move in with the Hans. If he knew, he would've given it more consideration.
It was rather too late to decline their offer, not that he wanted to do so. Even his parents encouraged him to move there.
Once he'd settled in, he realised taking care of a kid might be a bit more trouble than he expected. Jisung knew how to behave properly and wasn't rude in any way. The problem was that he followed him everywhere. Doesn't matter if it was with his newest game console or empty-handed, which meant he expected entertainment from the older. Chan just couldn't catch a break.
It wasn't that bad at first, but that was until Chan had his high school exams, and he needed quiet. With one goal in mind, he spent most of his time at the library that they had in the mansion. Jisung caught on that he was sneaking away and avoiding him. He was upset and so were his parents when they found out. They didn't turn a blind eye to this and Chan invited the boy to come sit with him in the library. Somehow he managed to make Jisung keep his volume down. After convincing that there were scary ghosts who'll come for him if he talks too loudly. He was rather naive. Not that that ever changed.
The boy busied himself by looking through the books. He soon found a new interest: reading. A blessing for Chan. Finally they found a compromise and it was great.
Then two years later.
He remembers that day clearly.
It was a quiet evening and they were alone at home, besides some maids cleaning. The ruckus started with banging. Chan didn't understand what was going on at first. Then there were gunshots, and he knew he had to get out of there.
He pulled Jisung up from the couch by his wrist, who was still in shock from the loud noises. He ran for the basement, where he knew there was an exit that led outside the mansion property.
By the time he was running down the stairs, Jisung was crying, utterly confused, and a bit weak in the legs. He stumbled a few times. Chan hoisted him up by the elbow and kept his hand there, his grip bruising.
Once they were outside, they ran into the forest that was behind the houses. Chan only looked behind him once. When he saw flames come up from all the houses in the street, he pulled Jisung onto his back, who by the time, had lost all strength in his legs, looking devastated. He piggybacked him all the way to where he knew the city life bustled.
Chan didn't know what to do. He kept walking around the streets with Jisung, tired from the shock, asleep on his back. Then he saw the billboard with the news.
‘Millionaires and all their employees purged for the greater good.’
Chan didn't understand. He really didn't. How his parents’ death could be for the greater good. He was numb by the time he entered an alley and slowly let Jisung slip onto the ground and sleep against his shoulder. His tears were flowing down without his knowledge.
He still doesn't get it.
After three years, he still feels like he's living a nightmare. But then Jisung wakes up and mumbles, soft and hoarse, “Hyung?”
And he realises this isn't a nightmare. Just the reality and this dreamy electric blue boy, who's so dear to him. He has to keep going. If not for himself, then for Jisung.
“Morning,” he answers him, stroking his hair as the boy yawns and rubs at his eyes.
“Good morning.” Chan can see a grin on his face before he goes back cuddling into him. Chan is so easily endeared by him.
He places a kiss on his hair. “Happy birthday.”
Jisung tightens his grip around Chan. And the older knows he's being shy.
“Thank you,” comes his reply in a muffled and whiny kind of way, and Chan is head over heels.
In the three years they've spent struggling, Jisung has become Chan's world. As long as the younger is happy and healthy, then Chan is happy too.
They lie on the bed for some time, cuddled together and Chan thinks Jisung might've fallen asleep.
“Jisung?”
He gets a hum in response.
“Wanna freshen up?” Chan asks. And Jisung's head shoots up, looking wide-eyed at the older, his eyes sparkling at the idea.
They haven't showered for a week, or two. Chan doesn't count. The only place to shower properly was at the bathhouse, and lately it had gotten expensive. So, if they can save a few won for food instead of wanting to smell good, then surely the choice was made easily.
They've been turned away from the bathhouse a few times when they came up like they do right now. At those times the employees at the reception were young men who turned their noses up at them.
So, they're glad to see the older woman behind the table who always sympathises when they come in. She easily lets them in after paying a fee of 20,000₩.
Chan opens a locker with the key they've gotten. Jisung takes off his tattered backpack, where they have their fresh clothes—that might smell of a mix of rain and their own scent that mingles at home—and stuffs it into the locker.
Chan grabs two towels from a rack for them, and they both undress. Chan averts his gaze from Jisung's lanky bare body. Though, an intruding thought enters. Jisung's 19 now. Chan glances over, but quickly turns away again. He can't do that. It's taking advantage of the younger's trust.
It's not like Chan has never seen him shirtless before. He has, on many occasions. They change without shame in their bedroom. The older always averts his gaze when Jisung does so, nevertheless.
He hangs the towel around his waist and waits for Jisung in the corridor, who happily skips over to him not long after.
The bathhouse isn't busy, luckily. It most likely has to do with the fact that it's a workday. Even better for the two of them.
They take off their towels and hop under the shower in separate stalls. With the bathhouse provided shampoo and body wash, he finally feels good.
While washing his hair for the third time—he's paid for this, might as well use as much as he wants—Jisung calls out from behind him and Chan becomes self conscious of his body. Back when he was 18, he was nicely built from spending all that time at the private gym of the Hans. His physique deteriorated since then from no exercise. He'll admit he doesn't look bad despite the fact, but it isn't a body he's comfortable with anymore. There's no hiding from the younger's eyes. The open stall gives him the full view of his back, and Chan plans to keep it that way.
“Done?” Chan asks, rubbing out the shampoo in his hair under water.
“Yup,” Jisung confirms with a pop. He stays quiet, so Chan doesn't pay him any mind. Belatedly it registers that Jisung is probably standing there, just looking at Chan's body. He wouldn't be this shameless, would he?
He's washing his body when he senses the younger stepping closer to him.
“Hyung? Let me wash your back?” Jisung requests, and it sounds innocent, but how can it be for two full-grown men?
He lets out a weak, “Yeah.”
He should've given Jisung the bottle of body wash, but his brain short-circuits, even more so when the younger reaches forward for it. His bare chest against Chan's bare back, and he has to take a big breath, hopefully going unnoticed by Jisung.
Then he feels his hands on his back, slowly stroking his skin and Chan doesn't have the heart nor mind to tell him that that isn't washing. He lets the younger stroke him, quickly changing to what seems a normal scrub.
Chan feels himself heat up from the younger's touches, but he has to stay calm. His celibate self not withstanding single friendly touches is another story. The way Jisung touches him, however, is slightly sensual. If it's on purpose he's not sure.
And then Jisung's massaging his shoulders. “You're so stiff, hyung. Don't you know how to relax?”
Chan huffs and tries to do so, and maybe it was a mistake. As soon as he relaxes, Jisung's fingers prod a knot and Chan involuntarily moans.
Chan stiffens and Jisung follows. With a small chuckle from the younger—Chan doesn't detect any discomfort in his voice—he continues probing his muscles. “Hyung. Is this stress or physical?”
“Both. I think.” Jisung pulls another groan out of him when he kneads the spot where neck and shoulders meet.
“Please let me know if I can help with anything,” Jisung whispers. Chan knows he feels ashamed that he lets Chan do everything. That's why the younger resorts to stealing. He's good at it and brings something to the table.
Without any other suggestive stroking, Jisung stops and says he'll wait for him in the room that adjoins the baths.
Chan has to take a deep breath as he looks down. He's half-hard and needs to will away his sinful thoughts about Jisung. Not think about his fingers on his skin, however, he checks again and finds himself sporting an erection already.
He sighs. He's not going to jerk off in public. With many deep breaths, and ugly and sad thoughts, he's almost soft again.
He steps out of the shower and wraps the towel around his waist again. He meets Jisung where he said he would be.
“Took you long, hyung,” he whines, and without waiting any longer he steps into the room where everything echoes. Chan watches as he without a care takes off his towel and lets it drop right beside the bath. He sits down on the side and lets himself sink into the water with a sigh of pleasure.
“You coming?” Jisung snaps him out of his thoughts. He's been caught staring. His cheeks heat up, although he's not sure if it's because of that or the heat of the room.
With a bit of hesitation he does the same as Jisung and soon they're lazily enjoying the water on their clean skin.
They don't talk much. This is probably the most content Chan has seen Jisung.
When they leave the bathhouse all clean, Chan becomes aware of the difference. Jisung in particular. Because for Chan everything is Jisung, Jisung and Jisung . The younger had berated him about it before, to put himself as priority. Somewhere along the lines Jisung had become the one and only priority.
The moment they step into the coolness of the streets, Jisung, wearing his favourite pink fleece hoodie—that gives a bit too much contrast to his electric blue hair—turns to him and shoots him the biggest grin. And Chan, falls just a bit more, and thinks, this is how I always want him to be.
Chan takes him to the restaurant they always visited back when they had more money and the prices hadn't skyrocketed.
The owner greets them with his familiar eye smile. He says he's missed them coming around and hopes they've been eating well.
Chan lies, telling him they've been eating a little on a budget, but don't skip their meals. He gives them both his warm laugh and a squeeze to Jisung's cheek, pointing out how he had chubbier cheeks the last time he'd seen him.
Chan can't deny that. Jisung is skinny and Chan half blames himself for it. Maybe he should've given up some meals for him. He was still growing unlike Chan, who had his fair amount of muscles developed by then. Jisung, though, would never let Chan do that. He always watches over Chan if he eats well. The thought will always gnaw at him, though.
They order two bowls of miyeokguk and one plate of jjajangmyeon. It takes a second for the ahjussi to figure it out and ask who's birthday it is and Jisung shyly puts his hand up as if he’s back in school again.
The elder quickly becomes excited and wishes him a happy birthday, before disappearing into the kitchen.
Chan chuckles at Jisung’s shyness to which he gets a glare with no heat behind in return. Jisung looks away and from the angle, Chan can see he's smiling to himself.
Soon, their table is filled up—to the two's pleasant surprise. Chan tells the ahjussi he can't possibly pay for all of it. The elder just waves him off, saying birthdays must be celebrated properly. Chan and Jisung thank him profusely for his kindness with bows and the ahjussi just smiles at them before walking off again.
“This'll probably be more than I have eaten in a week,” Jisung comments before diving in. Chan hesitates, the guilt eating him from inside out.
Jisung's so thin. Jisung hasn't eaten properly for over three years and even now he won't be able to eat everything because his stomach has shrunk so much from the little portions they've been having. And somehow, the fault always seems to be pointed at Chan, because Jisung was a minor. As an adult he should've taken care of him properly.
“Hyung!” The shout brings Chan back to earth from his own guilt-tripping rabbit hole. “Why are you looking so sombre on my birthday?”
And now he made him worry too. Has he ever done anything right?
“Sorry. I was just thinking,” he admits. He takes a dumpling with his chopsticks. Chewing, he moans, not having eaten such good food in a while.
Jisung seems to agree as he's satisfied with everything. They eat in silence until only a few side dishes are left half eaten.
“Hyung,” Jisung whines—he's been doing that a lot lately. “My stomach hurts.”
Chan chuckles at his childishness. “It's because you've eaten so much.”
“I know!” He whines again.
“Then why are you telling me that?”
“I just wanna complain about being full,” he laughs before drinking some water.
Chan wants him to always complain about being full. Maybe, if he just. Did that. He shakes his head and calls over the ahjussi. When he hands him the money he refuses.
“It's my gift for the birthday boy,” the man says and Jisung thanks him tenfold with a low bow, to which he laughs and shoos them away.
They re-enter the streets and by now it's noon. And they don't have anything to do.
Chan stretches and realises he's now got money left over.
He tells Jisung to go home for now, that he'll be back soon, but first gotta do something.
Jisung once again whines at not wanting to go alone, still he caves easily when Chan shoots him a look.
He waits for Jisung to disappear from sight before taking his leave to a local supermarket. He buys Jisung a cake. It may be the cheapest one, nevertheless it's a cake. A simple chocolate with vanilla cake.
Though as he walks back he sulks that he couldn't get candles to light up.
He pushes the material aside and enters their little shack.
“Jisung?” Chan calls. Immediately after his head appears in the doorway to their bedroom. A tight lipped smile changes to a wide one when he sees what he's carrying.
“Is that—” His eyes sparkle and Chan grins at his excitement. He grabs two plastic forks from a drawer and joins Jisung on the bed.
“You didn't have to,” he groans, but the way he ogles the dessert says otherwise. Chan sets it down on the mattress between them as they sit both criss-cross towards each other.
“I couldn't get candles,” Chan admits. “But you should still make a wish.”
Jisung smiles at him as if they aren't sitting on a dirty old mattress inside a room too small for two people, and where the paint falls off, the ceiling is mouldy and everything is damp.
Jisung leans forward, closes his eyes and blows onto the candle-less cake.
When he opens his eyes, he grins even brighter at Chan.
So, he decides to ask, “What did you wish for?”
And Jisung simpers, his gaze flits about the room before he sighs and stares Chan head-on. “A kiss from hyung.”
To say Chan's shocked might be an understatement. Jisung giggles at his blown wide eyes.
“A joke?” Chan cautions, and Jisung shakes his head.
“Come on. Everyone knows that kids get crushes on their babysitters,” Jisung says matter-of-factly. “And it seems that it's not one-sided?”
Well, he's not wrong. It hasn't been long since Chan realised his feelings. At first he still saw him as the kid he was supposed to babysit. Then Jisung was in his rebel phase. Decided to get a piercing. Chan didn't think of it much. All kids go through it, but Jisung just kind of never got out of that phase, and started getting more piercings, helixes and now industrials. Chan's afraid he's gonna start getting them on his face too. Now, he doesn't have a say in it anymore. Although, he might've never had to to begin with. However, he's silently hoping for no tattoos.
Somewhere there, in between scoldings and arguments that never lasted long enough to leave a scar, he started seeing him as a more mature person than when he met him at 14. It was a strange experience. To see someone grow up, mentally and physically.
He remembers somewhere a year ago meeting him in the bustling streets, and he fit right into the crowd making Chan almost miss him. He wasn't sure when he realised Jisung is his own person now. Has his own principles. Jisung is a headstrong person, who can hold his ground well when needed, and he doesn't need Chan anymore. In spite of that, he keeps him around, because that's what it always has been—Jisung keeping Chan around. Not the other way around.
Chan sometimes has to take a second when the younger looks at him. His adoring gaze has never changed throughout the years they've spent together. Chan knows Jisung looks up to him, but he never knew there was something more there.
“How'd you know?” He asks, not denying his attraction to the younger.
Jisung eyes him as if ridiculed. “Hyung, you're always so obvious. Do you think you were slick back at the bathhouse?”
Chan finds interest in the mould on the ceiling. His face is burning at being found out—it was never a secret to begin with—and he knows Jisung sees it just as much as Chan feels it.
“Hyung! You don't need to get shy!” Jisung puts the cake aside and inches closer to the older, sitting on his calves, their legs touching.
Jisung leans in and Chan can feel his breath on his face, but he doesn't dare look him in the eyes.
“I'm sorry. This is wrong.” Chan can't do it. Jisung may be a legal adult now. Chan was attracted to him before he was one. It's wrong on so many levels.
Jisung leans away and he looks sombre. He plays with his fingers in his lap, looking down on them.
Insecure, he chuckles listlessly, “Are you rejecting me, hyung?”
Chan sighs. “I'm— Jisung, we— we can't. I don't want to take advantage of you.”
At that Jisung's head shoots up and he insists, “It's not taking advantage of me! I really like you! I have for a while now.”
Chan feels like he's defenceless against the younger. He lets him take his hands into his own and hold on tightly. Chan just melts at his eagerness.
Jisung shakes their hands. “Hyung! We are both adults. I've known you for five years. I know you wouldn't take advantage of me. Give us a chance!”
Chan really wants to cave, but is it really okay to do so? He finally meets the younger's gaze and all Chan can see is his desperation. And maybe he can cave a little. Just slightly. Take a small step like the sparkles in the younger's eyes, a minute part of a bigger picture.
“Just a kiss?” He finally utters. Jisung's face immediately breaks out into a bright smile. He lets go of Chan's hands and cups both of his cheeks, and leans in again.
Jisung's breath tingles his face when he closes in. Chan just studies all the small details on his face—as if he doesn't do it every single time the younger falls asleep in his arms—from the mole on his cheek, to how his eyelashes flutter. And then he's closing his eyes, anticipating the soft press of lips.
It doesn't seem to come as he waits, but the calloused hands on his cheeks never waver. He dares to open his eyes and he immediately meets Jisung's gaze, who's smiling softly.
“What is it?” Chan asks, his words no more than a timid whisper. Jisung, flustered, looks down with a simper.
“You're just really pretty, hyung,” he admits. Chan can't help but giggle at his honesty.
“Getting shy now?” Chan teases with a grin of his own and takes the hands on his cheeks into his. With a squeeze he leans in, their noses touching and with the action Jisung's breath hitches.
The smile on Chan's lips stretches even wider at his reaction. He tips away from him and Jisung is quick to react, harshly pulling his hand from Chan's grip and cupping his cheek again.
The sudden determined gaze of the younger has Chan shivering just as Jisung nimbly leans in. He has no time to close his eyes as their lips press together. And when he finally does, everything he thinks about is once again Jisung, Jisung and Jisung .
Their first kiss is gentle and no movements are made by either. Be it them being shy or just the fact that both are inexperienced. Though, Jisung takes the lack of enthusiasm as negative.
Just as Chan gets used to the softness, the younger cants away. Chan opens his eyes and sees Jisung frown. When their gazes lock Jisung looks away insecurely. That look, Chan knows it well. He always does it when he isn't sure if he did okay.
With a hand on his nape, Chan pulls Jisung in again. The latter goes easily with a startled squeak and when their lips meet again, Chan moves eagerly against the other’s. Jisung sighs and the air is lost against Chan’s lips. Jisung’s fingers grip onto the older’s thighs to ground himself.
Chan smiles and due to the feeling of his corners quirking up, Jisung must have caught onto it, the latter’s grin just as obvious.
Chan strokes his cheek with his thumb when they pull away, but they don’t move far. Their breaths mingling and noses still touching.
When the older opens his eyes, Jisung’s are still closed.
“Sung,” he calls and the younger finally looks. Chan finds the growing flush on his cheeks makes him just so much more lovable. With hooded eyes he smiles shyly.
“Was that... Okay?” Jisung asks.
“More than okay.”