Archive of Our Own

Jeno knows a thing or two about himself, at least. First, he wasn't and has never been a homophobic for sure. Second, he really, really, really doesn't hate gays but. Fuck. Jeno hates it when someone starts a sentence then continues it with a but , as he knows it will be followed by an opposite opinion, which can be also called their actual thoughts, on what they were just saying before the 'but'. And right now, this is what Jeno's doing. Yet, this isn't what he intended to do. These aren't his actual thoughts, okay? This is just... God, does he have any idea of what it is.

So, yeah. Let's go back to the very beginning where Jeno hasn't had a bit problem with gay people. He has never ever had a problem with them in his entire life. Jeno does support them from the bottom of his heart, having also lots of friends who are a part of the LGBTQ community. He's always regarded himself as their truly #1 supporter. Proud of them for making their voices heard. He hasn't had even a tiny bit of a problem with them up till now. He once went to a pride with his best friend —Na Jaemin— just because he wanted to show his support to him, and to all the people who aren't afraid of showing who they are to the whole world. He'd even met such lovely people on that particular day, which he still contacts and hangs out with sometimes. In fact, he had never felt disgusted by watching boys kissing boys or girls kissing girls. Hell, he'd even kissed a boy he still doesn't have any clue of his name for a game at one of the parties. He distinctly remembers he did not, not for a second, feel gross out but it didn't feel as good as kissing girls, though. He was and is still not into boys, he knows that fact for sure, he hasn't been attracted to any of them in his whole life. And, he doesn't think he'd be attracted to boys in the near future either. But of course it doesn't mean he's a homophobic or anything like that. He can't be a homophobic. Not after all those things he did which he regards as a support. 

But. It all started when Huang Renjun —Jaemin's new boyfriend— came into his life one cold February evening and he brought the warmth with himself when he came. Jeno, of fucking course, had heard his name from Jaemin several times already as his best friend would never shut up about him. Renjun that, Renjun this. He would tell of how handsome Renjun is, how they have so much in common, and how funny and lovely he is. He'd make sure that he updates Jeno about from their flirt period to their on-going relationship every fucking day. So yeah, Jeno had heard a lot about him. More than he wishes to hear, indeed. Though he was positive that Jaemin most likely exaggerated things as he does it all the time and that Renjun guy was probably just an average boy, he never thought Jaemin would be telling the truth. Because, holy fuck, that Renjun guy was beyond beautiful just like Jaemin described. Ethereal. Renjun is the most beautiful boy Jeno has ever seen in his life. He'd never tell that loudly, though. Nor he would admit. Not even to anybody. Not even to Renjun himself. Nor Jaemin who had once asked Jeno his first impression about his new boyfriend right after he came back leaving Renjun to his dorm. That was because he could never admit the fact that Renjun is so damn devastatingly beautiful. Because it would make him reconsider his sexuality and he definitely didn't need a sexuality crisis since his best friend is dating the guy he finds... oddly attractive.

Well, his 'finding Huang Renjun (a.k.a his best friend's boyfriend) attractive’ problem has never gone away as he hopes so. It sort of decreases eventually the more he gets to know him, gradually, and becomes accustomed to seeing him more and more. Ever since Renjun and Jaemin started dating, Renjun would always visit their house twice or thrice in a week. Some days he'd just stop by to say hi or bring them delicious home-made food as neither Jeno nor Jaemin is good at cooking. He had told them one night when the three of them were chewing the food Renjun brought loudly that his roommate Yangyang is such a good cook and usually he's the one making those delicious meals they eat with their closed eyes. Jeno then told him that he should introduce them to each other as soon as possible as he genuinely wanted to thank him for the delicious foods he always managed to make. It was thanks to Yangyang that they usually have a full stomach before going to bed. One month later, he finally met the Yangyang, their life saver, on one of their regular movie nights. Yangyang came along with Renjun, and then Renjun happily introduced him to Jeno, that was how another lovely friendship started. It was easy to be friends with Liu Yangyang. He is literally one of the funniest guys Jeno’s ever met and he’s so full of energy that sometimes Jeno can’t put up with it. He is like another version of Renjun, but he’s the one with more energy. Renjun is calm most of the time, and the other times he’s as loud as Yangyang. In other words, Renjun and Yangyang are literally the same as Jeno and Jaemin. Maybe this is why Jeno and Renjun get along well with each other. It’s not the same with Yangyang and Jaemin, though. They always bicker. Even when they’re of the same mind. Yangyang claims that he hates Jaemin and he doesn’t forget to remind Renjun that he should break up with Jaemin every time they see each other. Well… Jaemin finds it amusing. Sometimes Jeno can’t help but agree with Yangyang, though. Sometimes Jeno just wants them to break up so that he can have some peace. They’re insufferable together and the fact that Renjun’s whole presence distracts Jeno’s mind is enough for a reason. 

So, the not so small problem of his doesn't just tail off to be honest like how Jeno hoped. On the contrary, it gets stronger every time he encounters Renjun. Getting to know Renjun becomes harder for Jeno because every day he would be captivated by the new sides of Renjun. He begins admiring the boy without even realizing. They always find new topics to discuss and somehow their hobbies and the things they like turn out to be almost the same. It just feels really good to talk with Renjun, and it's easy. Jeno doesn't remember a single time where he gets bored from his voice. His voice is soothing. Jeno could listen to him talking all day, even if he talks nonsense sometimes, Jeno would always listen. It's literally impossible for him to ignore Renjun. He cannot just ignore him. Ignore his voice. Ignore his presence. Hell no. There’s no fucking way that Jeno would be successful. 

The thing is Renjun and Jaemin have been dating for nearly four months and Jeno has never had a problem with them kissing or making out in front of him until now. Actually, it never mattered where they made out, sometimes they would do that right next to him or in Jaemin's room, yet enough for Jeno to understand what kind of things were happening there. Jeno was pretty sure he wasn't a homophobic or anything, but it started when one night he came home after his class and found them in the kitchen lazily making out. Jeno remembers himself froze in place once he saw what was going on in their fucking kitchen and he heard the way Renjun moan, so lowly but it was clear. The lustful moan Renjun let out had never made him feel... weird. Up till that day. Everything had been good up till that day and something Jeno still doesn't have any idea what exactly started right exactly at that moment. He starts to feel weird and tense around them. Around especially Renjun. Five days later, on one of their movie nights, he had to turn his head away from them since he couldn't bear watching the two kissing sloppily right next to him. He'd realized something was certainly wrong after the fifth time of feeling sickness in his stomach while witnessing that certain couple doing lovey dovey things in his presence. Gradually, the sickness managed to get control over his body and made him put a space between them for a while to think. He needed a space. He needed to think about his actions and thoughts. But of course the space he wanted didn't last long as Jaemin constantly brings his boyfriend home, and oh, don't forget the fact that they are nearly inseparable.  

Why, out of the blue, did he start to act and feel weird around them? Jeno had asked himself one night when he couldn't sleep due to the thoughts that were revolving in his mind. His thoughts kept going back to Renjun, kissing, Renjun and his lips. He still doesn't know what the answer is. He hasn't got an answer. He still doesn't know what's going on in his mind nor does he know what's wrong with him. There's no logical answer for his actions. He was fine with them until a month ago. He did never mind what they were doing. Next to him or not. It didn't matter to him. He wasn't a fucking homophobic.

But now, like right now, all he wants to do is escape from here and go to his room, putting on his headphones and playing a song too loud to not hear anything. Because he clearly does not need to watch their fucking kiss for the nth time, nor hear those tiny moans escaping Renjun's small mouth. It really doesn't make sense that there's a sickness traveling up his stomach. He hadn't ever felt like he was going to throw up any time while they were making out. However, right fucking now, he can't help but sigh loudly out of discomfort. Loudly enough to make them stop kissing sloppily and turn their head to look at him in confusion. Jeno regrets immediately what he just did out of his control, regret burning in his veins now. He really really doesn't have any fucking idea of why does he feel like this. It's just— Maybe it's just Renjun's puppy-like moans that bothers him or his small swollen lips that he doesn't need to see. Perhaps it's the wet noises of their lips as they kiss. Yeah, it must be the reason. It must be! Because he doesn't need to witness all of these, okay? He doesn't need to hear those annoying noises that drive him crazy, either. They can do whatever they want in their fucking room and let Jeno breathe in peace.

"Is there something bothering you lately, Jeno? You seem so, uhm, tense." Renjun is the first one to talk. Of course he would be the one who starts the conversation. And god, he would always, always call him Jeno with that soft voice of his. Even the cute nickname Renjun gives him makes Jeno feel itchy. He just wants him— no, he just wants them to keep it quiet a little bit. It isn't too much, nor hard. Instead of doing what Jeno wants the most, all they do is make out over and over. Jeno has had enough. There's a limit to everything, he thinks.

"No, I'm good. It's just—" He stops talking abruptly, starting to think of an appropriate excuse as he doesn't want to break their hearts. He does love them. God knows he really loves them that he even calls them his bestest friends that he can trust with his password. But. They need to know where to stop. They need to know that there's no need for them to kiss too much. It's just too much. "I don't even know honestly." He finishes his sentence with a sigh and says the truth instead. He couldn't find a better excuse as there's no choice than telling the truth since they're officially on their summer break and plus there's no exam he'd blame on.

"You know, you can always talk to me or talk to Nana about what's bothering you. We're just worried about you..." Renjun's soft voice and the intimate kindness on his adorable face make Jeno feel more regret for his behaviour. They don't have any fault in this situation, and damn, they don't have any idea what has been going on in Jeno's stupid mind. He is the one at fault. He is the one to blame. Not Renjun. Not even Jaemin. He should know better than to complain. He should've supported them, not grossing out. God, what was his problem again? He has never hated himself this much before.

"Yeah, I know that, Jun. I really appreciate it. Thank you." He flashes him a genuine smile and receives a sincere smile in return. He likes it when Renjun shows Jeno that he cares about him, too. A lot. He sometimes acts like Jeno is his little brother despite the fact that Jeno's height towers over him. Maybe he's doing this little brother thing on purpose since Jeno is Jaemin's best friend (also his flatmate) and perhaps he thinks if he continues to be nice to him, Jaemin'd like him more as though he doesn't like him so much now. He sometimes doesn't understand Renjun. How can someone be both that kind and considerate? Hell, how can someone be like that to whom he's only known for nearly five months? Sometimes Jeno is not sure if this is the real Huang Renjun he sees, talks with and is taken care of by. But then, he brings him food when he's studying and tells him that he'd always be there for him to help if something comes up. Jeno feels like he's special, like he's the only one in this world those times, yet later he would find out Renjun is always like that with everyone he's friends with. Jeno is not the only one. He's not special to him. He's not the one who is special to Renjun. Jaemin is the one who's special. Because only Jaemin is allowed to touch the areas nobody can even lay his hand on, feel him —feel every part of his body—, kiss those lips and receive his biggest love and affection. Jeno is just a friend. He is just his boyfriend's best friend. Nothing but a friend. He'll always be nothing but a friend to him. A friend whom he sees as a brother. And that certainly shouldn't be a problem but somehow it irritates him. Maybe, just maybe, deep inside of him, he wants something more. Something more intimate. Than just being his friend.

Jeno really doesn't know what's wrong with him lately. And he thinks he won't likely find an answer in the near future.

"We're gonna join this party Chenle throws tonight before everybody starts to leave for holiday. Wanna come?" Jaemin asks as he lifts his brows, helping Renjun slide off his lap and settles him down on the couch right next to him instead. Jeno begins considering the offer Jaemin suggests. He, indeed, needs to blow some steam and let himself go for a while, forget about them, but how could he forget them when they'll be there, too? Fuck. It's not that hard to make his mind up and just let it go. Let the feeling that bothers him go. It's so simple yet puzzling.

"Jenooo, come with us. Pleasee—" He rolls his eyes as he cuts Renjun off before he begins to annoy him with his ugly cry. He has never managed to say 'no' to him whenever he looks at Jeno with his puppy eyes. It's just too hard to open your mouth to say 'no' when you look into his eyes. "Okay okay, stop whining. I'll go."

"Yaay. I'm gonna help you get laid, you're lucky." He winks at him and Jeno wants nothing but to die at that moment. It's the least he wants to deal with right now, his silly problems are enough already. He lets out a groan before getting up from where he's lazily lying and responds to him. "I don't want to get laid right now but thanks for the offer, though." He doesn't feel like dealing with a girl right now. All he wants to do is, indeed, just sleep. Without anyone here to disturb him.

Despite everything, he goes to his room and puts on a new shirt and his jeans. When he comes back to their living room, he thanks god because the couple is not kissing or doing anything that would trigger Jeno again, they're just waiting for him in silence. "We can go." He tells them with a nod before he takes his jacket from the hanger.

Renjun happily gets up and literally runs towards him, he looks so happy when he grabs Jeno's wrist, then dragging him to the elevator with himself. They don't wait for Jaemin since Renjun is in his excited puppy form to do that. He presses the button for the first floor, still clinging to Jeno's hand and looking like an exciting puppy that Jeno has to resist the urge to pat his head. Just as he is about to ask himself what has gotten into him, Renjun attracts Jeno's attention by whispering a 'hey' softly right after he starts stroking Jeno's wrist with his fingertips. Jeno hasn't turned his head so fast in his life before that moment. His eyes going back and forth between Renjun's full of warmth eyes and his fingertips wandering over his skin. "I don't know why you're so stressed lately but I know one thing for sure that I don't wanna see you like this. I'm always here to listen if you feel like sharing."

He's never wanted to hug Renjun so much throughout those months. Right now, he wants to wrap his hands around his small body with all his strength, pull him closer, closer until he can feel the warmth of his body, until Renjun's face pressed up against his chest. He wants to hug him so tight that Renjun would be able to feel his warmth even when they break. He wants to stroke his back gently, then lower his hand to his waist, and feel him against his body. Renjun once hugged him back when Jeno was feeling anxious because he thought he did badly on his finals, and he told Jeno everything's gonna be okay between trying to make him feel better. Jeno had believed in him, in his promises, and a couple days later it turned out he actually did well on his exams. He had immediately grabbed his phone as soon as he saw his finals results and texted Renjun the good news, they'd celebrated Jeno's survival that night. It was then that Jeno first realized Renjun's place in his life. It was the day he realized how special Renjun is to him. Slowly, Renjun went into his life so slowly and sneakily that Jeno couldn't even notice when he started to see him as his close friend. Closest friend. So that's why Renjun is one of his favorite people in the entire world. No matter what happens between them, Jeno would still love him regardless.

"I know," Jeno manages to mumble eventually, voice shaking. He knows. He knows Renjun would always listen to him no matter how stupid his thoughts are. He would always listen to Jeno. And Jeno knows this. A warm smile spreads across Renjun's lips, giving Jeno's hand a slight squeeze. Jeno can't help putting a gentle smile on his lips when he looks at his bright eyes. It was such an intimate moment that when the sound of the elevator door opening echoes, Renjun has to pull his hands away and step back. Jeno almost let out a cry for the reason that the elevator comes to a stop. He misses Renjun's warmth over his skin already but he buries the feeling. Buries it deep. So that he wouldn't think.

Renjun is the first one to get out of the elevator, Jeno follows him afterwards, they go directly to Jaemin's car together and don't talk again. Renjun and Jaemin, though, talk about anything and everything during the road to Chenle's house while Jeno silently watches outside through the window. Renjun sits on the front passenger seat, closer to his boyfriend, and Jeno sits on the back seat as always since he's the third wheel. However, they arrive at Chenle's already so crowded house not too long after and lose one another immediately. Jeno doesn't care wherever they go as they are accustomed to losing themselves in Chenle's parties, eventually they would always come across each other at some point. So, he begins to search for his other friends and find them laughing their ass off on a big couch five minutes later.

"Jeno hyung! Here!" Jisung waves his hands wildly as if Jeno hasn't already seen him, patting the only empty small spot beside him on the couch with his other hand. Jeno settles down after greeting all of them.

"Are you drunk already?" Donghyuck asks Jeno loudly to drown out the bass music playing in the background. Jeno shakes his head as he tries to find a comfortable position between Jisung and Shotaro. "No, I just came here like two minutes ago."

"Then why the fuck are you smiling like you just received the best blowjob ever?" Jeno doesn't realize there's a smile on his face until Donghyuck points out. He must be looking like an idiot because Donghyuck sends him a weird look but rolls his eyes afterwards. "Whatever, I don't wanna know the details. Take this."

Oddly, Donghyuck doesn't insist for the first time and instead drops the subject with holding out a beer bottle to him. Jeno just shrugs his shoulders before taking the bottle from his hands, turning his head to start a conversation with Jisung about some stupid things. He knows very well how Chenle's parties go wild so he tries his best to not drink too much but one hour later and Donghyuck’s still holding out new bottles and making Jeno drink as much as he can. After hundreds of trying not to be drunk, he does get fucking drunk in the end, thanks to Donghyuck and his endless bottles. Apparently, he's the target one who has to deal with Donghyuck's bullshit tonight. Donghyuck has a bad habit of finding someone to make them get drunk until the party ends. This is the third time Jeno's been a target this year and he still doesn't forget how those two times end up so fucking bad. So yeah, he knows things would go wrong any time, that's why he needs to go away from Donghyuck. Go away as far as he can.

Yet, you know how the things would always happen when you're at a party, Jeno ends up in one of the cliché party games with their gang. And their gang consists of Renjun and Jaemin who are sitting right in front of him, clinging onto each other, probably drunk like Jeno himself. Jeno wants to curse his fucking chance and then puke. Because fuck, Donghyuck's cheap beers taste really bad.

The game starts with Shotaro asking Donghyuck truth or dare, Donghyuck chooses dare as usual, and gives Sungchan a lap dance with a teasing grin on his lips. Sungchan is incredibly doing fine until Donghyuck sits on his crotch oh so intentionally. By the time Donghyuck finishes his show, Sungchan's face is already the brightest shade of red, telling how he has a hard time during the dance. Lee Donghyuck has always loved teasing the other. And all the people he's known. He's such a tease and everybody knows that. It's the fact that terrifies Jeno the most, you see.

Donghyuck happily spins the bottle after going back to his place and the fucking bottle stops at Jeno few seconds later. Jeno immediately swears at his chance under his breath. God is really making fun of him right now. The world is gotta be kidding him. Right after he thinks about Donghyuck's teasing and the cursed bottle stops at him, what the fuck?

"Truth or dare, Jeno."

Jeno groans because he knows just like the rest of the audience knows how Donghyuck turns into an evil when they play this game. So, he couldn't even think twice and rather than putting himself in danger, he chose the truth without even thinking, earning a 'coward' from Chenle yet he couldn’t care less.

"Who is the most attractive guy in this room? You can't pick yourself. I'm asking this on behalf of all gays." He grins widely like he knows that question would fuck with his mind, eyes mischievously wandering around the circle as if he's trying to find his next prey for his evil intentions later when the bottle spots on him again.

Jeno murmurs a curse under his breath and lets his eyes wander around the circle just like Donghyuck did. Jeno hasn't looked at his friends with this intention because there was no need for him to think about who's the most attractive guy amongst his friends. But he has to pick someone, so his eyes start to trail over the faces of his friends, all of them looking at him with expectation in their eyes. They're handsome, Jeno can't deny it, but there's no one catches his eyes as he looks at them one by one. Though, when Renjun's bright face finally comes into his sight, he doesn't know why but he just couldn't simply take his eyes off of him. There's something beautiful in his bright eyes. His face. His eyes linger on his face, studying every corner of it. God, his adorable face makes Jeno want to reach out and pinch his cheeks. He's cute, everyone in the world knows that fact. He's a fucking cutie, Jeno admits. And he's pretty sure if he asks the world, everyone would agree with him, too. Don't you forget the fact that he's attractive, though. Especially in those tight ripped black jeans that make him look so good whenever he wears it. His pink hair looks good as well. He remembers the first time Renjun came to his room to show his newly dyed pink hair. He looked really pretty that day. With his pink hair. Although he wasn't so sure about his new hair color because he was kind of afraid that the color might not suit him well at first, Jeno assured him that every colour would look good on him no matter what.

And before he can stop himself, he declares loudly. "Renjun." Fuck. He shouldn't have said his name. What did he do? Fuck, fuck, fuck. He didn't think right and thoroughly. He didn't think the consequences before opening his fucking mouth. It might make Renjun feel uncomfortable. Hell, it might even cause him to never talk to him again. That was why Jeno tried his best to not get drunk in the first place. He knew things would go wrong. He fucking knew yet he didn't resist it enough.

Meanwhile, Renjun looks surprised for a second, but then a sweet smile appears on his lips despite Jeno's fear. He doesn't look like he wants to kill Jeno. Plus, he doesn't look like he feels uncomfortable. "Aww, thank you Jeno. You're attractive too." He giggles after that, a sweet blush slowly spreads across his cheeks, and he hides himself by burying his head on Jaemin's chest. Jeno finally manages to take his eyes off him with that, and Donghyuck continues to spin the bottle again.

This time, the bottle stops in front of Jisung and he chooses the truth, afraid of his best friend daring him to do the most ridiculous thing. Jeno asks with a wide grin who is the hottest girl at this party even though he knows the answer. He loves teasing the other with his obvious crush on Minjeong. Jisung tells them it's Minjeong in a low voice without even thinking before sending Jeno a warning look. Everyone in the circle, including some of Minjeong's friends, makes a whistle sound, smirking at his answer. Seeing Jisung's cheeks going red, Donghyuck saves his ass by continuing the game. He spins and spins the bottle. They ask silly questions and make each other do stupid things. Jeno lost count of the number of times they made him laugh as he laughs nearly all the time. By the time the bottle finally slows down and stops at Renjun, Jeno's jaw is aching from laughing too much.

Renjun doesn't even wait for the question and tells his choice at once.

"Dare."

Chenle makes a pleasant sound while thinking, there's an evil grin on his lips that makes Jeno feel nervous because Chenle is Donghyuck's best friend. Their mind works the same way. God knows which evil things are wandering around in his mind right now. Regardless, Renjun looks terrifyingly cool as though he isn't afraid of what might Chenle want him to do.

And, Chenle drops the bomb.

"I dare you to kiss the most handsome guy you find in this room on the lips other than Jaemin. Preferably a french kiss."

Jaemin hisses and scowls at Chenle who high fives with Donghyuck while laughing loudly like Chenle has just dared the funniest thing ever. "What the fuck? It's not fair. He's my boyfriend, Chenle."

"It's just a kiss, dude, it ain't that deep." Donghyuck protests, rolling his eyes but there's a smirk on his lips still.

On the other hand, Renjun is trying to hide his amusing smile yet ends up giggling and taking Jaemin's attention from them. "It's okay, Nana. Chenle is right, it's just a kiss and you'll still be my boyfriend after that." He pecks his cheeks. Jaemin eventually nods and lets Renjun do whatever Chenle wants him to do.

Jeno doesn't know why but he suddenly starts to feel anxious as he watches Renjun eye his friends slowly. He's watched Renjun kissing multiple times, it's not going to be any different than those times yet there's a sickness starting to crawl in him. He can't just sit in peace and watch Renjun kissing someone right in front of him again. He just can't.

He goes back to reality when their eyes meet finally, Renjun's smile widens and he begins to crawl towards him. Jeno's palms are becoming a sweaty mess while watching Renjun get closer to him. He can't have chosen to kiss Jeno, right? Although Renjun stops right in front of him, Jeno still has a hard time believing and looks around him curiously to find all eyes are on him to his surprise. "What? Why are you all looking at me? It's not like Renjun's gonna choose me." He scoffs at them, earning laughs from some of them in return. He hears Donghyuck whispering 'idiot' under his breath, too.

Then, Renjun clears his throat, his warm brown eyes looking into Jeno's half open eyes. "I actually chose you, Jeno. Is that okay? If it's not—"

"No!" Jeno cuts him off immediately, voice louder than usual. "I-I mean, it's okay. I didn't expect this, that's all. You can... do whatever you want." He finishes his sentence with a shrug. Though he's far from being cool, and sweating slightly, he tries to maintain a blank expression since everyone watches him and Renjun carefully.

"Just kiss him already." Yangyang sighs loudly enough to make Renjun move towards Jeno. Jeno holds his breath when Renjun cups his cheeks gently and then, he leans down to connect their lips in a soft kiss after he makes sure Jeno's ready. They closed their eyes shut even before their lips connect. Jeno can't help letting out a faint moan once he feels Renjun's oh so soft lips on his, and starts kissing him slowly. Renjun does nothing although he may or may not hear Jeno's moan. Jeno just doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of their friends. He knows Renjun would never judge him but he can't say the same thing for his friends. Oh, wait. Renjun. All he can think about is Renjun.

Renjun is kissing him. Renjun is holding his face. Renjun is stroking his cheeks slowly with his fingertips. Shit. Renjun is really kissing him right now and Jeno does really enjoy it much more than he ever thought he would. He had never thought about kissing Renjun although he thought a lot about Renjun and kissing. But never together. Always separately.

Renjun's tongue easily sliding in Jeno's opened mouth distracts him from his thoughts successfully and he willingly lets Renjun lick into his mouth. He puts his hands on Renjun's waist as their tongues meet and pulls him closer without realizing. Unfortunately, alcohol doesn't let him control his actions properly. And yeah, he blames the alcohol. Not himself. He is not the one who controls his body. Alcohol makes him want to feel Renjun. No, fuck, he wants to feel Renjun. More. He wants more of Renjun. All of Renjun. He kisses him so softly that Jeno cannot think of anything else besides him. He forgets about his friends who are busy watching them with awe, some of them whistling at the two and enjoying the spectacular view that they most likely won't be able to see one more time in their life. So they happily continue watching, and tease Jaemin who has closed his eyes with his hands to not witness his boyfriend and best friend kissing right in front of him. He is the only one who clearly doesn't enjoy the view.

However, Jeno and Renjun seem to enjoy kissing each other so much that they completely forget where they are and that there are people watching their every movement. Jeno is a little more than taken aback by how good Renjun's lips feel against his. And he literally melts into the kiss when Renjun's one hand suddenly slides down to his sharp jaw and gently pulls Jeno's mouth open more for him. Jeno didn't expect Renjun to suck on his tongue, so he responds to it by squeezing his waist, making Renjun smile into their kiss. Just as the kiss gets hotter, someone yells that their time is over and if they don't pull away, Jaemin will shoot himself. Jeno reluctantly, so unwillingly, lets Renjun break their stunning kiss, opening his eyes to see Renjun licking his swollen lips and for the first time, his lips are swollen because of making out with Jeno. He looks so fucking hot when he gazes at Jeno's also swollen lips, both of their eyes hazy and cheeks flushed. "Wow," is all Jeno manages to say, he doesn't know what to say at that moment. He can still feel the softness of Renjun's lips. Moving over his lips slowly and passionately. Jeno hasn't been kissed that perfectly by someone else. And Renjun being the first one to fuck his mind up like this is so funny because he’d never think someday Renjun would kiss him until he makes Jeno can't think anything else beside him. "Yeah, wow." Renjun repeats his reaction. "I didn't know you were such a good kisser."

Jaemin's whine distracts Renjun, and with that, he goes back to his side hurriedly after flashing Jeno a cheeky smile.

Jeno feels so dizzy after the kiss that he excuses himself and throws himself on one of the empty couches, and sleeps peacefully until Jaemin pokes his shoulder frantically, letting him know that they're going. He doesn't remember how he picks himself up from the couch, nor does he remember how he ends up sitting on the back seat of Jaemin's car with Renjun next to him. All he remembers is he drifts off to sleep again with Renjun's head on his shoulder. A fond smile on his face.

☀️

The first thing that comes to Jeno's mind when he wakes up in the morning is that he kissed Renjun. He kissed Renjun. Renjun kissed him. They kissed. And it was a goddamn french kiss. Renjun had slipped his tongue in his mouth shamelessly while cupping and squeezing his cheeks and kissed the soul out of him like he was born to kiss Jeno. No, like he was born to kiss Jeno only . They tasted each other. He now knows how Renjun tastes. Oh god, he also knows how good of a kisser Renjun is. He really does know how to kiss. Despite the lots of bottles he drank last night, Jeno clearly and horrifyingly remembers everything that happened at the party. He wishes, he wishes desperately he could forget as it would be easier for him to get out of his room without shame. But no. He literally remembers everything, even the little details. He remembers how kissing Renjun felt. He got the spark. Damn, he got that fucking spark from the kiss they shared. He remembers how they (not only him but Renjun himself too) enjoyed every bit of it. And also, he remembers if someone hadn't stopped them, they would have continued to kiss till dawn. He's so fucking sure of it. He's so sure Renjun would have continued to kiss the hell out of him.

The images of kissing Renjun still fresh in his mind, giving Jeno a really really hard time ignoring them early in the morning. They shouldn't have kissed in the first place. How the fuck did they end up making out? Oh, right, it was because of Cheble. But was it all Chenle's fault though? No, Renjun was the one who had chosen Jeno to kiss besides all of their friends, so he was as faulty as Chenle. If Renjun hadn't chosen Jeno, he wouldn't be thinking of him like a loser right now.

He doesn't know how to—no, if he can even face Jaemin, or Renjun assuming he slept over last night. He'll have to face Renjun if Jaemin'd brought him with them. God, he's already so fucked up. He doesn't know how to fix this. He just can't go out and apologize to Jaemin for kissing his boyfriend. The fact that he liked the kiss makes things more complicated. He can't tell this to Jaemin, hell no, and what was his problem? He certainly shouldn't have liked the kiss in the first place. Nor should he think about it now. "Fuck..." Jeno groans, fingers massaging his head. It hurts so bad from thinking too much and drinking last night.

He needs to eat something and then take a pill. But above all, he needs to get out of his room and it requires too much courage. There is no one but himself here to encourage him. He has to eventually face Jaemin and Renjun, so why should he run from it now? Jeno gives in eventually and lazily gets up from his bed with a loud sigh, kicking the bedsheets in frustration. He already regrets his decision the moment he stands on his feet, but there's no need to be a coward anymore and stand back now that he made his mind up. It's now or never. "I hate my life." He sighs once again as he opens the door, finally getting out of his room after two hours of lying on his back and just thinking about last night and what he should do. He's been awake for two hours yet he did nothing as a sign of living. He heard someone walking around in the house, though. Jeno doesn't know whoever he is but he'll find out soon anyway.

Does he want to know whoever he is, though? This is completely another case.

He finally gets out of that giving him a gloomy feeling room of his and starts to breathe properly again, it felt as if his walls were collapsing around him and making him feel miserable. Miserable for the thing that happened at the party last night. Miserable for the possibility that Renjun or Jaemin might never want to talk to him again. Jaemin's been his best friend since high school. He doesn't know how to endure his own shits without Jaemin always beside him. He wouldn't have survived the past years without him. He's glad Jaemin is his best friend and is always be there for him whenever he needs. So, yeah, he definitely couldn't bear losing him. It's like losing your own brother and Jeno must admit that he loves Jaemin more than his own brother 'cause he has been his side whenever things went rough and wrong unlike his brother. It doesn't mean he hates his brother, he loves his brother for sure, but Jaemin is something else. Jaemin has been always something more. That's why he is feeling so guilty about what happened.

"Oh, good morning Jeno!" Someone chirps cheerfully behind him and startles the fuck out of Jeno, making him jump like a scaredy cat. This is usually what happens when he gets lost too deep in his thoughts. "You scared me, Nana. Good morning to you, too." He puts his hands on his heart dramatically before turning his body towards him. He finds Jaemin leaning against the kitchen counter with a cup of black coffee in one hand while the other holding his phone up. He flashes Jeno a wide grin as Jeno lazily makes his way towards him to pour himself a cup of coffee as well. "You look like shit." Jaemin tells him, his eyes scanning Jeno's face. Jeno knows he looks like shit despite not seeing his face. Head throbbing as if someone hit it nonstop throughout the night, and he could feel the bags under his droopy eyes without having to look at the mirror. He's never been better. Today isn't his day, obviously.

He just hopes it only gets better.

"You haven't seen me yet, I guess." And then, like universe is fucking with Jeno, right after he's helplessly hoping his day will be going to get better, Renjun barges into the kitchen. Voice cracky and hair a mess. Jeno's brain falters for a second and thinks about how the fuck Renjun manages to look that cute even when he just woke up from the bed. "I literally feel like shit. Nana, why don't you stop me from drinking? I told you I'm such a weakass." He makes an attempt to giggle but his voice cracks and Jaemin laughs on behalf of him instead.

"You said your weakass could handle it." Jaemin states with a chuckle, making Renjun groan. "No, I did not say that!" But he knows that was exactly what he said. "I need a painkiller." He adds quietly, and this is where Jeno finally comes to it, a reminder of their same need. "Here," Jeno opens one of the cabinets and grabs the painkillers he's been looking for since he woke up, giving Renjun a pill as well as sparing himself one. Renjun grabs it, looking at his eyes like he's relieved and Jeno couldn't find disgust in his face when they hold eye contact. Now, Jeno is more relieved than him. Facing Renjun was what he was terrified of the most and it didn't go bad as he thought. In fact, Renjun acts no differently than any other day. He smiles at him, goes to his boyfriend and gives him a morning kiss on the cheek, then starts to pour himself a cup of water. There is nothing wrong with them, it seems. They aren't acting differently or weird as if last night didn't happen at all. And perhaps it should make Jeno feel better yet why does he look at Renjun, expectantly? Why does he feel so disappointed? Why, why and why. There are tons of questions in his mind that he can't find one decent answer.

Jeno hates himself for overthinking. He didn't expect anything from Renjun, nor from Jaemin. He didn't expect anything when he walked in there. He did not expect anything but he feels so sick right now that he excuses himself, returning to his room with a bowl of cereal he probably won't eat. He doesn't feel like eating with them, not when they're acting like nothing ever happened last night at the party, not when he knows how Renjun tastes. Not when he can't even want to look at them. This is it. He finally admits that he clearly doesn't want to see them kissing one more fucking time. Jeno knows he's thinking really childish right now, and this is not his real thoughts. This might be happening because he hasn't got to fool around or hang out with someone. It's been a very long time since he was in a relationship. Maybe that's why he's feeling so gross when it comes to them as he hasn't got someone to do those things they're doing all the time. Maybe if he finds himself a good girl and makes out some time, he'll be okay with them and whatever the fuck they do.

Yeah, Jeno finally finds a solution for his stupid problem and he wants more than anything to see the things go according to his plan. He needs to get laid, that's the only solution. After breakfast, of course. He needs to do this immediately because he's got no patience anymore. He can't continue sitting at his bed, sulking and overthinking everything.

Jeno eats his cereal within a minute and begins to change his clothes into new ones. He spends a great amount of time in front of his mirror, spraying a bit of his very expensive cologne, and pushing his hair up. He goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth for the last touch. He feels refreshed when he finally gets out of the bathroom and takes his phone to text Jisung. His friend would set him up with a beautiful girl for sure. "Hey, where are you going?" He bumps into Renjun while typing a message. "Uh... I'm gonna hang out with Jisung. I might bring someone over or never even get home tonight. You two can do whatever you want as long as you keep it in your room." He tries to flash him a smirk but it comes out forced so he winks at him instead, leaning down to wear his shoes after sending the text, ignoring Renjun's confused look. "But you didn't even like the idea of getting laid when I suggested it to you yesterday. What's changed your opinion? Found someone that attracts your attention?" He asks with both a caring and a curious tone, standing beside him as Jeno laces up his shoes. Even though Renjun doesn't understand Jeno's sudden change of mind, he doesn't dwell on it too much.

"No, I haven't found it yet. But I hope I’ll find someone to sleep with tonight. Wish me good luck." This time, Jeno manages to smile genuinely, opening the door afterwards. Renjun stares at him for a whole minute in silence. "I'm sure you won't need good luck when you’re one of the best looking guys I’ve ever seen, silly. Go and get laid." He reaches out to ruffle Jeno's hair fondly, giving him a small smile.

With a heavy heart, Jeno leaves him behind.

☀️

By the time Jeno comes home, it was already past night. And he wasn't alone. Just like he hoped, he found what he was looking for and took a girl home with him. He'd been flirting with lots of girls till one certain girl took his attention fully on her. Jeno bought her a drink first, a flirty smile was on his face during their talk, complimenting her every chance he got and making her smile shyly. She was both cute and beautiful, Jeno just couldn't let her go man, so he kissed her when they were outside the club. She happily responded to the kiss, and yeah, this is how they end up in Jeno's bed now. They've been making out sloppily since they got here and if Jeno hadn't started undressing her, they would have been making out all night long.

"I want you," he whispers into her ear, earning a low moan in return. She nods her head as she starts to help Jeno take their clothes off. Once they're fully naked, Jeno comes back to kissing and admiring her skin with his swollen lips. "You're beautiful." Jeno loves complimenting his partners, he usually tells them what passes through his mind when they're going at it.

"And you're so sexy." The girl replies with a giggle, she's as drunk as Jeno. She pulls him down by the neck to press their lips together. Jeno is able to taste her sweet cherry lip gloss, he kisses it off. He can't help thinking about the last night, when he was kissing Renjun, and he compares her taste to Renjun's sweet taste without giving a thought. It makes him stop kissing for a second, feeling dazed by the images of Renjun's red swollen lips, his mind's fucking with him again. He lets out a moan as he oh so unconsciously imagines her as Renjun, biting her bottom lip. He's almost so sure he's kissing Renjun until his hands brush her tits, reality hitting him hard in the face. "You like my lips?" She asks cheekily when they break the kiss, wetting her lips in a sexual way which makes Jeno cringe a little bit but doesn't show it to her. "Yeah, I— I wanna fuck you so bad." Jeno didn't know what to say as he's still trying to take the images of Renjun off his mind. "Then, do it."

Jeno doesn't remember when he puts a condom or how he pushes in. All he remembers is he loses himself —they lose themselves in the heat of the moment. They weren't aware how loud and not so subtle they were while going at it. Jeno just keeps fucking and fucking her until they both come hard and drift off to sleep instantly. Slamming in hard and fast made him forget everything.

In the morning, the girl (he doesn't even remember her name) is already gone as Jeno expected, but she left a note with her number on his desk which Jeno probably won't even call back. Yeah, sex was good and all, not to mention that she was so pretty, but it was just a one night thing and Jeno would never fuck his one night stands twice. That's why he throws the note into the trash next to his desk without even looking, and gets out of his room. It feels like yesterday is repeating itself when he goes directly to the kitchen with a bad headache and finds Jaemin in there as usual. But this time he's not grinning. Instead, there's a frown on his face as he glares at Jeno. He didn't greet him cheerfully like he did yesterday. Something must certainly be wrong, Jeno thinks. And he probably knows what's wrong.

"Rough night, I see." is the first thing Jaemin says, voice allusive. Jeno simply nods, and doesn't feel like talking with him right now as he knows there'll be chaos afterwards. "You know, you guys weren't quiet at all. We had to go back to Renjun's place in the middle of the night. You didn't even close your damn door, Jeno. We didn't need to know how good you were fucking her or how amazing she felt."

Jeno does not know what goes into him at that moment but he suddenly starts to shout at Jaemin as if he's been waiting for this moment for so long. And maybe, he's been really waiting for it. "What the fuck? You guys didn't seem to care when you were fucking at 2 a.m. and you weren't quiet at all but I never whined about it, did I? And it wasn't just a one time thing, Jaemin! I'm tolerating all the time when you're fucking like animals right next to my room yet I never ever complained. If I can put up with your sex life, then you guys can too." He was so fucking angry that he didn't realize Renjun entering the house with his spare key and witnessing him snapping at Jaemin like that. Only after he turns his back to Jaemin to exit the kitchen, does he realize Renjun's presence. He freezes in his place for a second, astonished by the disappointed look on Renjun's face, he almost opens his mouth to apologize to him for what he just said. Almost. But he doesn't spare them one more glance and just walks past Renjun hurriedly, going back to his room. Locking the door, Jeno throws himself on his bed, feeling regret for his actions already. He feels so sick. Lately, he hasn't been himself and all he has done is hate himself even more. What was he thinking? Oh god, he doesn't know how to fix this mess. They didn't deserve that kind of treatment. How selfish of him to think and snap at them like that, he's indeed speechless.

Jaemin and him would come round as if nothing happened at all between them two or three days later, he knows this as they've always been like that, but he has no idea how the process works for Renjun. And this, his lack of knowledge about Renjun's process, is what scares him the most. He can't just let Renjun go and lose a friend like him, hell no. He'll be an idiot for letting someone like him go. He needs to think about how to make up for Renjun and clean up the mess he regrets before everyone begins leaving to go back to their home. But first, they need a space only for a day. Tomorrow will be a better day and Jeno won't make a fool of himself again. He cares for Renjun more than he thinks. He would break his own arm rather than seeing him sad because of what he did. He's the cause of his sadness and it really makes Jeno feel so sick that he just sleeps and wakes up only to go back to sleep, and has never felt that terrible in his life.

The next day, Jeno feels better than he did yesterday. He wakes up earlier than usual as he spends all yesterday sleeping like a rock, feeling more energetic than ever, he starts preparing a good breakfast for him and Jaemin to make it up to him. Though he hasn't never been a good cook, he tries his best to impress Jaemin and makes some pancakes since he knows how Jaemin loves sweet things. He decorates pancakes with the fruits, making them look delicious enough to eat. Jeno thinks he really did a good job when he finally finishes, drooling over his masterpiece. He doesn't realize Jaemin's presence until he speaks behind him, startling Jeno.

"I thought you were trying to start a fire to take revenge on me." He smiles foolishly at Jeno, eyes wandering down and lingering on the pancakes his best friend made for him only. "I'd never." Jeno protests quickly, yet he's also smiling like him. "I was wrong. You were actually trying to steal my heart." It has Jeno laughing, he's happy that Jaemin easily buries the hatchet, ready to forgive him. "Damn, you exposed me dude..."

Jaemin punches Jeno on the shoulder jokingly, sitting on a chair next to him. He doesn't wait for Jeno and begins tucking a whole pancake in his mouth. Meanwhile, Jeno is acting like a gentleman and splitting them apart with his knife neatly. He feels like finally talking after five minutes of saying nothing. "Sorry for snapping at you like that yesterday, I was being a dick. You know how I turn into an ass when I'm hungover. I didn't mean it, um, I mean yeah, you guys are sometimes loud as fuck but I don't have a problem as long as you do it in your room. I haven't been feeling myself lately, so please don't mind me and my dumbass."

Jeno explains briefly while they're eating in peace, feeling so much better when he finally admits his mistake and says sorry. Jaemin just smiles at Jeno sweetly and comforts him by saying, "It's okay, bro. I won't force you to talk but I know that you're going through something and everything's gonna be alright when it eventually ends. I'm here whenever you feel like sharing. Oh, and I'm sorry too. I didn't know we were that loud, we'll be quieter from now on. Renjun feels very bad for making you feel uncomfortable." Jeno's eyes soften at the mention of Renjun's name. Oh, no. He's not the one who's supposed to feel very bad, it's Jeno. Jeno feels like absolute shit for disappointing him. "I wanna make it up to him as well. Do you have any idea how I can do that?" Jeno asks, a soft expression on his face. It was easy to win Jaemin's heart but he doesn't know how to win Renjun's and he could consult only one person who knows Huang Renjun better than anyone else— his boyfriend, Na Jaemin.

Jaemin indicates that he's thinking by making a 'mmm' sound, still happily munching on his pancake. "We were going to watch a movie tonight but we canceled it so as not to disturb you. I can call and tell him that I've changed my mind?" Jeno feels bad for making a mess in the first place again. "That's good, you do that and I'll buy some snacks and beers."

They get to work on their plan after finishing their breakfast. Jaemin calls Renjun and tells him how his mind has changed, that he should come tonight as Jeno won't be at home. Renjun makes some trouble and becomes stubborn about how he doesn't want to make Jeno feel uncomfortable when he goes back home, however, Jaemin convinces him in the end. Jeno went to the market, buying Renjun's favorite snacks specifically and some beers. He's learnt what kind of snacks Renjun likes to eat while watching a film over the months. He buys a strawberry candy, as well. He wouldn't forget about it. It would've been a betrayal to Renjun. There's nothing in the world that makes him the happiest other than strawberries.

He comes back home after an hour, Jaemin's nowhere to be seen, so he does all the work by himself. By the time he's done and settles down on the couch to take a proper breath, his phone begins to vibrate in his back pocket. He sees the name 'Jaemin' on the screen before he answers the call and places the phone to his ear. "What's up, dick? Where are you?"

Jaemin hesitates before he starts talking. "What would you do if I said that I, unfortunately, won't be able to join you guys tonight as one of my friends needs my help?" He sounds bashful and somewhat unclear. Jeno curses under his breath. "Are you kidding me? Are you leaving me watching a movie with your boyfriend? And don't start the bullshit that your friend needs your help, tell me the truth asshole."

Jaemin sighs. "Uh, um okay, the truth is I'd got invited to a party a few days ago and uhh. it just slipped my mind? They really wanted me to come, and you know me, I couldn't resist them begging. And I didn't know how to tell Renjun so I thought maybe it'd be a good opportunity for you to break the ice. It's not like that you guys are gonna watch a movie together for the first time. Just two bros watching a movie together then?" He chuckles at what he just said as if it is the funniest thing he's ever said.

"Oh please, stop talking Jaemin. You make me sick." Jeno wants to jump through his screen of telephone and break his head. The thought of him and Renjun alone watching a movie together makes him so fucking nervous all of a sudden. They've watched movies together multiple times, sometimes it'd be just the two of them, but mostly with Jaemin sitting between them and them making out next to Jeno. Yeah, just like Jaemin himself said it's not like that this will be their first time watching something together but why does it make Jeno so tense then?

"Okay, listen to me. If you don't want it, I can let Renjun know—" Jeno cuts off immediately. "NO!" He breathes in deeply, rubbing his forehead. "Don't cancel it. Just... let him know the reason why you cannot join and leave the rest to me." Their plan is partly ruined by Jaemin but they can't do anything about that now except following it in a different way. Now Jeno is all alone in this and will act mostly spontaneously.

"Okay. I'll explain to him when he already stands behind our door. Have fun you two!"

"Just hang up already, idiot." Jeno doesn't wait for his answer and hangs up on him. Everything is Jaemin's fault. Jeno should've known he couldn't rely on Jaemin. He'd always find a way to ditch you, whether deliberately or not, so it didn't surprise Jeno.

Doesn't know what to do else, Jeno decides to kill time while waiting for Renjun by washing himself out as he literally reeks of sex and alcohol. He wouldn't want Renjun to be disgusted by him and cover his nose. He then puts on more comfy clothes when he gets out of the bathroom, leaving his hair to dry itself. Just as he was wondering where Renjun has been, the doorbell rings, indicating that Renjun is here. Oh shit. Renjun is here. Fuck, why does it feel so awkward? That they're going to watch a movie together. You're making it awkward, you asshole. Jeno thinks to himself. It's not like he's in high school again and invited a girl over to make out. Nope. Of course it's nothing like that because Renjun is not a girl and Jeno is not definitely into guys. Oh, and Renjun is his best friend's boyfriend.

Jeno almost runs, not wanting Renjun to wait too long. He takes a deep breath before opening the door to Renjun's flushed face. He looks like a kicked puppy as he looks at Jeno up and down, unsure of whether he's welcomed. His cheeks get impossibly redder when Jeno spends a whole minute checking him out without saying anything.

"Hi, Renjun." Eventually, Jeno greets him the way he always did and stands aside to let him enter inside. "Um... Hi, Jeno." There's a shy smile on his lips that makes Jeno want to pinch his cheeks badly. They go to the living room in silence where the bowls of Renjun's favorite snacks are resting on the table, waiting to be eaten and Netflix is open on the television. Now that Jeno thinks about it, it really feels like he's back to high school and bringing someone home. There's no one at home, just the two of them. The mood literally screams— No, he shouldn't even think about it like that. He shouldn't have been allowed to think like that. He's just Renjun. His best friend.

"Well, I was thinking how to win your heart back and Jaemin suggested that we should—" Renjun cuts him off before he completes his sentence. "You didn't lose my heart, silly. I thought you wouldn't even want me near you."

"Guess you were wrong, then."

Renjun looks up at him, his eyes are bright. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, I..." Jeno looks away, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "So I was being a dick. I already apologized to Jaemin but I want to apologize to you, as well. I'm sorry." He halts for a second, not knowing how to make Renjun believe in him 'cause he really, really feels sorry. "I'm so so so sorry. Like very very. I mean, it's kind of a sorry when you break your mom's beloved vase accidentally and—"

"Jeno, oh my god please stop, I get that you're sorry." Renjun can't stop giggling at his poor attempt to apologize. Simple apology like a 'I'm sorry' would be enough for Renjun. "Yeah?" Jeno asks, voice so low, like a whisper. And soft. He usually gets soft around Renjun. Around Renjun only.

"Yeah." Renjun reassures him, smiling widely. "Let's start watching, shall we?"

Jeno agrees with him by nodding his head, a smile spread across his face already. Following Renjun like a puppy, Jeno settles down on the couch right next to him. Their knees bump together and shoulders touch lightly, but they don't move away from each other, instead Jeno grabs the controller and starts that movie they've been looking forward to since they saw the trailer a month ago.

"We're good, right?" This time Renjun is the one who wants to make sure, so he couldn't help but ask when the intro starts, needing to hear it from Jeno himsel, voice so small. He sounds unsure as if he's scared of being rejected by Jeno. And then Jeno turns his head to him, Renjun is looking heavenly innocent as he waits for an answer. "We're more than good 'cause we are best friends, remember?" He grins, teasingly, making Renjun both smile and roll his eyes at him. "Yeah, right. We're best friends."

The movie starts after that. They fall into a comfortable silence, begin watching it carefully, eating junk food from the big bowls Jeno put them into. Renjun opens up two cans of beer and hands one to Jeno who happily grabs it. Even the beginning of the movie is so captivating that they immediately lose count of how many beers they drink, slowly starting to feel tipsy. At some point, Jeno has no fucking idea how or when it happened but, Renjun puts his head on his shoulders, then it lowers until it stops on his chest. Well, Jeno has no other choice than throwing his hand around him, okay? He didn't want to ruin the mood or make a fool of himself. Renjun is a clingy person, he always clings to him, to Jaemin or to someone else out there, so it wasn't extraordinary. He just happens to like physical contact, that's all. They're good. They're just watching a movie together as all the best friends do, there's nothing wrong with that.

Except his heart is thumping wildly in his chest where Renjun’s resting his head on.

"Is that okay?" He hears Renjun whisper, then feels his hands wrapping around him hesitantly. Jeno makes a small sound that tells him that's okay. He can only hope his heart isn't too loud to be heard.

He tries to refocus on the movie to ignore his stupid heartbeats. It actually works out, at least for a while. Of course Renjun can't resist enough as he drinks too much and drifts off to sleep when the movie is about to come to an end, his head drops down on his legs. Jeno could see his flushed face from where he's sitting, his small mouth apart, and snoring softly like a puppy. Jeno has a hard time believing how someone can be that super cute even while sleeping their ass off. He's the most ethereal thing Jeno's ever seen. Jaemin is such a lucky guy, he thinks as he watches Renjun instead of the movie which still plays on the tv. Suddenly, a dangerous question pops up in his mind. He wonders what it would feel like to touch his face. Feel him. He wonders if his cheeks are as soft as they look. It's a very risky feeling. Before he can stop himself, he holds up his hand and places it on Renjun's face, carefully so as not to wake him up, and begins stroking his face with his fingertips. He's just feeling it, at first, then exploring it as if he's never seen a face, Renjun's face, in his life before. His skin is flawless and soft as it looks, and warm. A wave of warmth radiates through him, his cheeks are especially warmer. Oh god, his cheeks... Jeno can't remember if he's ever touched something so soft and pretty like this. A low giggle escapes from his mouth, thank god Renjun's sleeping like a rock that he doesn't react.

He let his fingers wander down to his pouty lips, slightly apart, there's a little bit drool at the corner of his mouth. He wipes it off with a smile on his face, causing Renjun to stir in his sleep but he doesn't wake up and closes his mouth only. Jeno continues to explore his face, spending more than necessary time on his lips as they're as soft as his cheeks, images of kissing that lips wandering around his mind. He still can't believe he got the chance to kiss those sinful lips of Renjun. If Jeno has to kiss only one guy, that would definitely be Renjun. For sure. Fuck, there he is again, thinking about the things he shouldn't even think.

He stops himself abruptly. It was too wrong to touch him without getting his permission. Feeling like a shit again, Jeno decides to carry Renjun to Jaemin's bed as his legs start to feel numb, mind getting fuzzy. It was a little bit hard to lift Renjun's body at first but he managed to carry him thoroughly without bumping into a wall.

"Jeno..." Renjun murmurs lowly when Jeno is about to settle him down on Jaemin's bed. "Get back to sleep, princess." Jeno chuckles at Renjun's grunt, eyes still closed but he listens to his words anyway, hugging a pillow before getting back to sleep. "'Night, Jeno."

"Good night, Renjunie."

Jeno doesn’t resist at all, pressing a light kiss on the top of his head before he leaves.

☀️

Things go back to the way they used to be. Though Renjun stops coming over to them, Jaemin assures Jeno that it's only because Renjun wants to spend more time with his friends before he goes back to his hometown. Jeno was relieved to hear that as he thought he did something bad again, like touching his face without getting permission. In fact, Renjun just wanted to hang out with his other friends, that's all. They even text regularly, Renjun making sure that he is doing okay.

Jeno, too, wanted to spend some time with his friends so he tried his best to not stay at home as much as he could and had an actually great time with them. Jisung was the first one to go back to his home, then Donghyuck went after him. Jeno's turn was also approaching day by day and he's never not wanted to go back to his home before this. But, he knows the day will come sooner or later now that his family starts calling him to babble about how they miss him and when he will be at home. Even though Jeno spent most of his years there, he doesn't feel like calling it home lately. His home is this home where he shares with Jaemin, where he spends time with Renjun, where he feels more himself than being in his old home. Of course he loves his family but he’s started to think the home is where you're most comfortable in it.

"I'll leave in two days, Jaemin. Don't you fucking dare to destroy our house when you throw a party." Jeno feels like warning him. Although he doesn't want to leave the house to all Jaemin, he has no choice unfortunately. He won't forget to lock his room for sure. He doesn't trust Jaemin.

"You're going?" Jaemin beams at him, not bothering to stop playing Fifa. "Hey, did you know that Renjun lives in the same town as you? You guys can hang out sometime."

"Oh, I didn't know this." Jeno answers, a surprised look on his face. "Cool."

"Yeah, I know right. He's thinking about leaving on, like, Friday I guess?"

Jeno falters for a second, "Jaemin, Friday is two days later."

Jaemin's still continuing to play his game without stopping to raise his head to look at him. "Nice! Maybe you'll encounter each other on the bus."

"Yeah, maybe." Jeno suddenly gets up, one hand going down to take out his phone from his pocket. "I'm gonna call Renjun."

"Say hi to him!" Jaemin yells.

Jeno nods his head even though Jaemin can't see him as he's very busy playing a game and Jeno's going to his room to talk more comfortably while lying on the bed. He still has a lot of things to do before he leaves. However, work can wait but calling Renjun cannot so he calls his number once he finds a comfortable position on his bed.

Renjun answers his call on the second ring. "Miss me?" Jeno can feel him smiling, almost seeing his teasing grin. "A big birdie told me that we're living in the same town and you're leaving on Friday too."

"Really?" Renjun sounds so taken aback. "I haven't got my ticket yet, text me where you get your ticket and all so we can take the bus together!"

Taking the bus together with him sounds really exciting that Jeno already begins feeling impatient for their vacation to start. Just a few minutes ago, he didn't want that day to come. What was wrong with his mind? Lately, his moods change so easily, he can't even put himself with his thoughts. He feels like his body structure has changed abruptly.

"Sounds good! I'll text you." There's a pause as Jeno's trying to find what he should say next. He gives up when nothing comes to his mind. "See you on Friday then? I gotta pack up."

"See you on Friday!"

Jeno realizes there's a big foolish smile on his face after the call ends.

Luckily, Jeno doesn't wait too long and Friday comes in a blink. They were lucky no one booked the seat beside Jeno otherwise it would raise an issue they hadn’t wanted to deal with. Jeno would probably cancel his ticket, though. He'd do anything to be with Renjun. The following two days were very boring with him counting every passing hour. When Friday morning finally comes, Jeno jumps off the bed, feeling more excited than ever. He has a feeling that this vacation will be much more entertaining than his other vacations he had to take alone. Plus one is always much better.

"You guys got everything you need, right?" Jaemin asks them nth time, Jeno doesn't have any idea how to convince him that they really got everything they needed. He just ignores him and asks over again every time despite Jeno's attempt of trying to shut him up. "Jaemin, you've literally asked the same question fucking 20 times already. Stop it, dude."

"Fine. Don't cry if you don't find your favorite lube when you unpack 'cause I'm not gonna ship it to you, dickhead." Jaemin looks deadly serious when he threatens Jeno but a teasing smirk appears on his face. "I left it on purpose, asshole. You'll need that more than I'd when your boyfriend's away." The truth hits Jaemin in the face hard and he immediately shoots Renjun who is very busy laughing at his face with a desperate look. "What am I gonna do, Renjun?"

"I told you there will be days where you'll need that lube more than anything." Jeno reminds him the awful truth again, making Jaemin groan in frustration. "Anyways, we really gotta go. Thanks for the ride and helping us carry those luggages. Take care, Nana. And you too, Yangyang.”

"I'll miss you both." Jaemin wraps Renjun in a tight embrace, pressing a kiss on his forehead before giving Jeno a tight hug too. "Don't have too fucking much fun without me or else I'll cry my eyes out."

"Such a crybaby." Jeno utters under his breath, rolling his eyes at Jaemin's wet eyes. "We all know you'll throw a party right after we've gone."

"Leave him alone, Jeno." Renjun chimes in, still laughing at them. He gives Jaemin one last kiss on his cheeks, then hugs his best friend. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me alone with this dick.” Yangyang rolls his eyes with a sigh, sending a glare towards Jaemin’s way. 

“Hey! Renjun tells me to look after you, so be nice to me.” Jaemin snickers beside him, earning an elbow from Yangyang. Oh, how much Jeno wants to watch the two staying at the same house alone. It'd be so much fun to watch.   

“You can’t even take care of yourself. Besides, Renjun tells me to look—”

“I take care of myself and Jeno and Renjun quite well, thank you very much. I’ll take care of you too, no worries. You're in good hands.”

“Just do not even try to contact me after we leave. I don’t wanna see your annoying face anymore now that Renjun won’t be here.” 

“But Yangyangie, you’re so c—” Jaemin’s irritatingly high-pitched voice is cut off by Renjun’s loud sigh. “We really gotta go. Stop fighting and behave after we leave.”

This finally puts their bickering to an end, then Renjun starts to drag Jeno to the bus hurriedly as it'll depart really soon. They wave at Jaemin and Yangyang behind the windows after they settle down on their seats, Jaemin waves back at them with a broken smile and Yangyang waves back enthusiastically unlike Jaemin. "He's definitely gonna cry." Renjun murmurs as the driver starts the engine, looking at Jaemin longly before the bus leaves. "Nah. He'll be okay." Jeno comforts him since he knows Jaemin very well. One minute Jaemin would be the saddest guy, then the other minute he would be the happiest.

"If you say so." Renjun eventually gives up and leans against his seat, turning his head to look at him warmly. "Wanna listen to some music with me?" He holds his Airpods out to share one of them with Jeno which he happily grabs from his hand and takes it to his ear. Renjun plugs it in, scrolling through his playlists a little longer to find what he's looking for and finally plays a Bon Jovi song they both like. Jeno could easily say after months of practically living with Renjun that their music taste is very similar. Though Renjun loves almost every genre, he likes listening to ballad songs the most, and he really loves rock bands too.

They listen to a whole Bon Jovi album without talking, then Renjun plays some of Oasis songs which are Jeno's favorites. Normally, that pregnant silence would make Jeno feel somewhat uncomfortable since he’s very used to Jaemin’s loud ass,  yet it's not bothering him at all. In fact, it’s so relaxing that Jeno would spend a whole day on the road with Renjun. The silence keeps on until Renjun breaks the silence to speak after nearly an hour, sounding sleepy as hell. "Can you take out my Airpod if I fall asleep?" Jeno responds with a small nod, "Yeah, of course."

And Jeno took his promise after Renjun fell asleep while Wonderwall started to play, head falling down to Jeno's shoulder softly. Jeno continues listening a bit more, then he too gives in and decides to sleep just like Renjun to kill some time as their destination is still too far away. They slept almost most of the time, with Jeno also leaning his head against Renjun's, whose head is on Jeno's shoulder. The first one to wake up turns out to be Jeno, which should be no surprise as he knows Renjun really loves sleeping. So, he spends the time watching him as he did on the movie night, appreciating his beauty. He doesn't realize Renjun opening his eyes because he was in the moment of studying his pouty lips until Renjun scares him by whispering softly all of a sudden. "Were you watching me? You creep." He says jokingly, a teasing smirk on his sleepy face. Jeno immediately takes his eyes off of his lips and blushes hard as he was caught while 'creepily' watching him. However, Renjun doesn't give him the time to defend himself, and perhaps embarrass himself more so he thanks Renjun in his mind.

"We still didn't arrive, right?" Renjun asks, voice hoarse from the nap.

Jeno shakes his head. "Nope."

"Good. I made us some sandwiches, you hungry? I'm starving." He asks as he reaches out for his backpack, taking out two sandwiches from it, offering one to Jeno. Feeling kinda hungry, Jeno nods almost too excitingly. "Thanks, Jun. You're the best!" Jeno grabs it with a wide smile. Sandwiches that Renjun made look so big and delicious. It would probably be enough for them not to get hungry until dinner time. Jeno's mom had specially told him to not eat much as she prepared a large dinner for him. She cooked the dishes Jeno loves the most although Jeno would eat anything from his mom's hands even if it doesn't taste good.

"I know." Renjun winks at him.

They eat their sandwiches in silence, munching happily on them. Jeno thanks Renjun again when he finishes off his own sandwich, telling him how delicious it was and making Renjun smile shyly. It always entertained Jeno to tease Renjun. It's worth it to see the faint blush spread across his soft cheeks. He would get more prettier with the rosiness of his cheeks.

"What are your plans for summer? After we take leave." Renjun asks a new question, wanting to break the silence as he starts to get bored of it. He knows Jeno is not much of a talker unlike himself. He also knows Jeno's still kinda shy to start a conversation.

"Um... I didn't plan anything particular. I'd probably hang out with my old friends, going to parties and playing games at nights. Sorry, I'm so boring." Jeno smiles sheepishly. If it wasn't for Jaemin, he'd have never socialized. Thanks to him, Jeno has met Renjun. "What are yours?"

Renjun replies. "You're not boring, silly. I don't actually have plans, either. I’m thinking about asking Jaemin over if things continue going well. I'm gonna meet with my friends, go to parties and play games all the time."

"That makes two of us then." Jeno doesn't show his feelings when Renjun mentions Jaemin's name. Jeno hasn't ever seen Jaemin going to his boyfriend or girlfriend's home other than the purpose of doing nasty things with them. But he couldn't tell Renjun. Not when he looks so innocent and excited about it. He doesn't have the heart to tell Renjun that Jaemin's relationships never last for too long than six months. It's not that Jaemin is a douchebag who ditches anybody he dates, he just gets bored easily, that's all. He gets easily bored of almost everything.

"Promise me we won't stop contacting." Renjun demands and Jeno wouldn't say otherwise when he's staring at Jeno with intensity as if to bore a hole into his soul. "I promise." He holds his pinky finger out, it has Renjun smiling, then intertwining their pinky fingers together as he repeats Jeno's words. "I promise, too."

Their deal got broken by the voice of the driver informing the passengers that their trip is over. They only realize the bus came to a halt upon hearing the driver. Both of them immediately gather their things up and get off the bus. Jeno couldn't help feeling sad about parting their ways —for now. He doesn't want to say goodbye to him. Not yet. Oh god, he already misses Renjun when he's just here right beside him.

He is about to open his mouth to say something when someone so familiar calls his name out.

"Jeno! Here, buddy!"

He doesn't even have the chance to turn back when those slender arms wrap around him tightly, pulling him in a hug. It's no other than his cousin, Mark. "Let me breathe, jerk." Jeno tries to get rid of his big body but Mark doesn't pull away until he gets bored. "I missed you, asshole. Is this how you treat your other half?" He playfully hits Jeno's shoulder, making him laugh.

"I missed you, too."

"Who's this guy?" Mark, known for his bluntness, gestures at Renjun with his chin as he not so subtly checks him out. Jeno clears his throat before he replies. "This is Renjun, uh, one of my closest friends in college." He gestures at Mark to Renjun. "And he's my cousin, Mark."

"Nice to meet you!" Renjun says a little too enthusiastically.

"Likewise." Mark smiles politely.

And the time Jeno has never wanted it to come since they got on the bus eventually arrived. He turns back to Renjun who's looking at him with the same expression Jeno has on his face. "Take care of yourself, kiddo." He says jokingly. He has got so much to say but Mark's presence makes him swallow all of the things because he knows his cousin would never miss the opportunity to tease him. "Same goes for you." Renjun grins at him.

Not knowing what else to say, Jeno gives him a small hug. Not a long hug because Mark is here to watch their every movement.

Renjun bites his shoulder lightly before they break apart. "Goodbye, Jeno."

Jeno waves at him, trying not to show his sadness by forcing a smile. "Goodbye!"

After they walk far enough away from Renjun, Mark begins to bombard him with questions he's been wanting to ask. "Did he really bite you? And did you really allow him to do that?"

Jeno doesn't answer him. But of course Mark would not call it quits. Not when he saw with his own eyes. "You don't even let your mother's dog bite you, asshole! What was that? Don't tell me you have a soft spot—"

"Shut up, Mark!"

Mark did never shut his mouth while they’re on the way to his house.

And Jeno already knows he is fucked up really bad.

☀️

Life goes on for both of them. Jeno adapts back to the life in his house easily. He spends most of the time with his family during the first week. On his second week in this house, Mark and him begin playing games all day long like they used to, receiving squeals every now and then from Jeno's mom, making (forcing) them go out and breathe some fresh air. He meets with his friends in the town, walks his mom's dog regularly, drinks with Mark and also gets teased by him every day. Of course Mark doesn't let it go or leave him alone. While he tries his best to forget about a certain person, his cousin reminds him every day with endless teasing. It's not the fact that his mind has always gone back to Renjun. It's because of Mark that he always thinks about Renjun even when he doesn't want to think, okay?

They text on the first week and stop texting on the second week abruptly. Jeno doesn't know the reason but he doesn't dwell on it, either. He has got a life, as well. He has his family to spend time with. He has his own friends to hang out with. It's been a while since he's seen them. So yeah, Jeno understands. He gets that Renjun's too busy to text him. It's fine, though. Jeno could wait until he's free. They promised to each other after all. It was a pinky promise, dude!

"You're thinking about that cute guy again, don't you?" Mark pipes suddenly, startling Jeno as he was too deep in his thoughts. He scoffs, trying to focus on the game they've been playing since morning. "No, man. Where did you get that?" He makes a weird sound that catches Mark's full attention on himself again. "Jeno, don't you even try to lie to me. We grew up together and I know you better than anyone else. So tell me," He pauses the game and turns to him. "What's up with that boy? Did he do something bad to you? He's all you ever think about. I haven't seen you hung up on someone before. I mean, since you know—"

"Yeah, I know." Jeno cuts him off. "It's not like that, Mark. I really care about him and I don't know? I'm just scared that his boyfriend might break his heart." He rubs his nape furiously. He didn't know he was that obvious and it makes him feel so vulnerable all of a sudden. He shouldn't be so tense especially around Mark, as he said, his other half. But fuck it, he can't help himself. 

"There is something you haven't told me." Jeno, of course, cannot escape from his cousin. He was right when he said that he knows Jeno better than anyone else in the world. And plus, Jeno is really bad at hiding something from someone. For the first time ever Jeno hates being so honest all the time.

He sighs loudly, giving himself the encouragement he needs at the moment before he talks. "I'm gonna tell you but on one condition." Mark is about to protest but gives up and nods his head in the end. "You won't ever talk about it again." When he nods his head again, Jeno continues. "So... We may or not may kissed for a stupid game. And since then, I feel like our friendship has changed? Don't know, bro. Maybe I'm the only one who feels like that. However, something definitely has changed and I don't know what it is yet."

The first thing Mark says after he finishes his sentence is, "I thought you were straight!"

Jeno throws a pillow as he nearly shouted his ass off. Sometimes he really hates Mark and being his cousin.

"And I am!" Jeno responds immediately.

"Then what?" Mark asks, looking somewhat unsure. "It's okay if you liked the kiss, Jeno. I'm not even the last person who would judge you for anything. So please, elaborate."

Jeno wants nothing but to strangle himself with the pillow he just threw right now. He can't believe he's talking about that subject with Mark. As Mark keeps staring at his eyes, Jeno eventually gives up and admits. "That's true... I kinda liked the kiss and whenever I see him, the images of kissing him just pours into my head. Is it alright that I liked the kiss?" Mark doesn't say anything and just keeps eye contact as if to say 'keep going, there's one more thing you haven't said' to him. Jeno closes his eyes as he mumbles. "And that I want to do it again?"

He really wants to die from embarrassment right now.

The more Mark remains quiet, the more it frightens Jeno. He wants to hear that it's alright to feel like this from someone, most especially from Mark. His feelings and thoughts have been fucking him hard lately and it starts getting out of his hand. He knows it's irrational and inappropriate to think like this. First off, Renjun has a boyfriend and his boyfriend is Jeno's best friend. Second off, Renjun is also his best friend. Third off, he is absolutely not into boys. And fourth of all, that's why he shouldn't be thinking of kissing a boy who has a relationship with his best friend. No matter where you look, it's futile in every way. And Jeno does know it very well.

When Mark finally breaks the silence, it feels almost like a decade. "It's alright. You are allowed to like the kiss you shared. It doesn't matter who you kiss. It is about the feeling and nothing is more natural than liking it, Jeno. So don't worry, man. It's totally okay." He squeezes his back as if to give some encouragement and make him feel better again. Jeno flashes him a small smile that tells how much he appreciates his words and they mean a lot. He feels more light-weighted now thanks to Mark.

"Besides, I'd like to kiss a cute boy like him too." Mark decides to change the dense atmosphere by teasing him and punches his shoulder jokingly. "Shut up." Jeno joins him then, laughing with Mark. But for real, who doesn't want to kiss Renjun? It's hard to resist when Renjun pouts, and what makes it harder is that this is how he always talks. He always does the pouting thing whenever he opens his mouth to say something and he's not even doing it on purpose. It's just the way he talks. It's sometimes so annoying, man.

(Because it makes him want to do something about it and you know well goddamn what the hell he's talking about.)

A sound that indicates he's got a text fills the room suddenly, making both of them turn their heads to Jeno’s phone on the table. Mark lifts his one eyebrow cheekily, a shitty grin on his face as he speaks. "Speak of the devil. Come on, reply to your little cutie."

Jeno curses at him before almost running to his phone and sees the name which has been in his mind recently. He realizes he has a big foolish smile on his face as he opens the text.

hey jeno im so sorry i was busy :(

wanna hang out tomorrow?? 

i know a rly good place

i mean if you're free

it's ok junnie

tomorrow is good

tomorrow it is then

is 2pm ok?

i'll send you the address

yea ok i cant wait :)

same!! missed u♡

i missed u too ♡

Jeno couldn't believe he just sent a heart emoji to Renjun and Mark saw all of that.

Oh god, he lost count of how many times he's fucked up.

☀️

That night Jeno couldn't sleep properly because of the excitement. Mark teased him the other day and didn't stop until he got the fuck out of the house. If he looks on the positive side, Mark helped him get dressed at least. They decided on a striped shirt with summer colors, tucked in his ripped jeans. Mark did his hair, showering him with his newest cologne. He was sure Renjun would be able to smell him from 6 miles away.

He walks to the place they're going to meet as it wasn't that far away. Listening to his mom's words, he breathes fresh air, enjoying the weather. He's not sure if he sweats from the temperature or the fact that he's going to see Renjun in two minutes, though. However, those thoughts melt away as soon as he enters the place they’re supposed to meet and finds Renjun sitting on a table alone, looking amazing as always. Jeno hasn't realized how much he's missed him until he saw him in real life. He looks so adorable even when he does nothing. Fuck, maybe Jeno’s whipped. A little bit.

Jeno goes right to him, smiling ever so big. "Hey, Jun." He calls his name when he stops next to him, catching Renjun's attention. Renjun immediately gets up to give him a hug as soon as he hears his name. "Aw, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you, too." He replies back despite the growing blush on his cheeks.

He sits on the seat in front of Renjun, feeling so energetic all of a sudden now that he's seeing Renjun in real life. Wow. He really has missed him that much, huh? And oh, Renjun now has a brilliant smile on his face, it's literally shining like a star.

"How have you been?" Renjun turns out to be the first one to talk.

"Good. Better now that I see you. What about you?"

He shrugs and scrunches his nose in a cute way. "Same. I've been busy with family stuff and all. Sorry again."

"No, it's okay." Jeno gives him an understanding smile.

"Anyways. Have you contacted Jaemin today? He hasn't been replying to my texts for two days." He pouts, looking at the menu in front of him longingly.

Jeno tenses at the mention of his best friend's name because they have just texted in the morning. Jaemin tells him of how he takes good care of their 'home'. That means one thing if he stops replying to Renjun and Jeno doesn't have the heart to tell him yet.

"Ah...We haven't contacted each other lately. I think he's busy, don't worry about it." is the first lie he tells Renjun. He feels ashamed for what he just did. He's gonna kill Jaemin when he comes back.

"Oh, okay then!" Renjun goes back to radiate light and the subject is forgotten thanks to the waiter who asks for their orders right at that moment. Renjun orders a hamburger with french fries and a strawberry milkshake meanwhile Jeno just orders an americano and a cheesecake as he doesn't feel that hungry. They find a new subject after the waiter leaves and talk nonstop until their orders arrive.

Jeno watches him eating with a subtle smile while he sips his americano because oh god, Renjun looks freaking cute when he's eating. His mouth so full and cheeks puffed. He can't help giggling when some ketchup drips down his mouth when he takes a big bite of his hamburger.

"What?" Renjun asks as he still munches on his hamburger happily, not knowing how messy he looks right now. "What are you laughing at?"

Perhaps, it's wrong. Perhaps, Jeno shouldn't do this. Yet he reaches out to wipe out the ketchup and brings it to Renjun’s mouth with his fingertip, making Renjun look shocked for a second. "T-There was ketchup..." and then it finally clicks, Renjun licks the ketchup off his fingertip.

And Jeno realizes what a big mistake he just did exactly at that moment.

He excuses himself when Renjun finishes cleaning up his fingertip, sweating like he’s in hell. "I need to, uh, go to the toilet. I'll be right back." He gets up hurriedly and almost runs to the toilet, not waiting for Renjun to say or ask anything in return.

He just needs to chill for a minute even though the toilet is not the best option.

"Fuck! What's wrong with you, idiot?" Jeno talks to himself, benefiting from the emptiness of the toilet. He stares at the reflection of himself in the mirror. His cheeks flushed hot red. "Are you fourteen or what?" He couldn't believe he just got panicked by a simple movement. He feels too hot. It's because of the weather, he tries to convince himself. It's not because of a boy licking his fingertip.

Jeno groans in frustration before opening the faucet, splashing some cold water on his face. He tries to ignore the tightness in his pants. Jeno has never been this angry at himself in his life before. He was a grown-up. What was that stupid reaction of his body when Renjun did... did the thing with his tongue? Oh god, he feels too ashamed and mad at himself.

He spends a good time there before he makes sure he's okay and ready to go back and face Renjun again.

By the time he sits back in his seat, Renjun has finished eating everything up already.

"I paid the bill." Renjun announces, mouth yet full again, as he takes one slice from his cheesecake because he knows Jeno would always let him. "You didn't have to, Jun."

"You'll pay next time then," He winks at Jeno.

So there'll be a next time, Jeno thinks. Of course there'll be.

They leave the place after then, walking to a park nearby, and keep on talking about everything and nothing. They didn't realize it was late and they never stopped talking until it was dark. Unfortunately, they had to split for dinner. But before they part their ways, Jeno gave Renjun the tightest hug ever, making him giggle shyly.

Jeno returned home with a goofy smile that night.

Their next meet-up happens five days later from their first meet-up. (They don’t stop texting like they did a few weeks ago.) Jeno doesn’t know what he should call their hanging-out. It was not a date, obviously. But it sure felt like a date. Well, he shouldn’t think like that. They were just hanging out, that’s all. Nothing more. Nothing intimate. They were close friends, so sharing pies and cuddling were normal right? And calling each other cute names. Oh, and holding hands when they feel like it. And biting each other playfully. Because they are close. And best friends. Yeah.

When Renjun wanted to go to swim and none of his friends accompanied him, Jeno agreed to accompany him that day, not wanting to see Renjun's sad pout on his face. He wouldn't let Renjun feel sad. Never. So, he borrows his mother's car to drive them to the beach. Being the annoying cousin, Mark tags along with them as well. Jeno wasn’t so happy for it but Renjun seems to enjoy Mark's company, though. If Renjun is fine with the idea of Mark joining them, then Jeno’s got nothing to tell. Plus, he’s glad that two of his favorite people in the world are getting along well. He listens to their giggles and silly jokes during the ride to the beach, glancing at Renjun from time to time and joining their chat.

To be honest, Jeno had thought it‘d be just like him and Renjun until Mark, too, decided to take part in it. Although he wasn’t so sure in the first place, he didn’t make a fuss about it. There was no harm in Mark joining them, right? He didn’t mind. The three of them were okay. Just the three of them.

But.

Mark fucking didn't tell him that his friends would be there, too. And this was a problem. Now excuse him but Jeno does mind because he fucking thought he and Renjun would be all alone. Not around six teenagers. What pisses him off more is the fact that Renjun does happily agree to hang out with more people. He immediately forgets about Jeno's presence when Mark introduces him to his very handsome friends. Of course they take an immediate liking to Renjun, well, because who wouldn’t fall for his charms? Renjun has always been friendly, having lots of friends around him. So it doesn’t surprise Jeno when he easily gets along with Mark’s friends. Oh. And now he is swimming with Ten. Together. Alone. Jeno wouldn’t act if he hadn’t heard from Mark last summer that Ten likes boys, especially cute boys. Like his Renjun.

He can't let it happen. For Jaemin's sake, of course. For this obvious reason, Jeno tags after them, nearly breaking his arm while swimming too fast to catch up with them. Thank god he arrives just in time when Ten is about to make Renjun climb onto his back.

“Hey!" He squeals to attract their attention, panting heavily. Making a happy sound upon seeing him, Renjun swims towards Jeno quickly. "Jeno!” He smiles at him, looking like a wet puppy with his hair down and prominent ears. “We're going to swim further, you going?"

Hell no. Jeno never likes going deeper. The water reaching his neck was his limit despite his height, man.

"Yeah, of course, I'm in." But he'd do anything for Renjun. He can’t let them stay alone. And not when they swim further.

Renjun goes back to swimming then, smiling like an idiot. Jeno follows after him without a thought and they swim together further until their feet stop touching the sand under the water. Uh. Jeno didn’t like the fact that his feet couldn’t touch the sand. How the fuck does not Renjun feel worried at all? He’s smaller than Jeno and he doesn’t seem like he’s struggling unlike him. Jeno didn’t want to be a coward and show his fear to Renjun but he starts to panic. Suddenly breathing is a very difficult thing to do at this moment. He‘s not swimming properly now, just moving his arms and legs rapidly.

“J-Jun, I think it's enough." Jeno finally gives up, not liking Renjun and Ten's comfort even though they're smaller than him.

“Oh?" Renjun realizes Jeno's discomfort when he turns around. "You okay?” Jeno couldn’t respond because there was no need as Renjun saw the awful look on his face. He doesn’t waste time and swims directly towards him. "Hey, I'm here. Let's go back, 'kay?" He grabs one of Jeno’s hands, intertwining their fingers. Jeno tries not to panic then. Because Renjun is here beside him now. Renjun is holding him so tight like he won’t make Jeno get drowned even if he wants. He won’t drown because Renjun’s holding his hand and taking care of him.

They swim back until the water reaches their shoulders, enough for Jeno to breathe properly again.

“Why didn't you say no? You silly!" Renjun splashes him water, still feeling so worried about the situation. He also looks very angry. 

Of course Jeno couldn't tell him the reason why he didn't say no and how the fuck he decided to join them. He couldn't tell him that he didn't want them to be alone.

So he says this instead. "I wanted an adventure."

"I'll show you the real adventure, Lee Jeno!" Renjun threatens him before he starts splashing water at Jeno's face, catching him off guard. They get into the splashing water and don’t stop until Renjun whines when the water went inside his eye. "You're like a baby." Jeno sighs though he smiles at his cute whining. He goes to check his eye, tugging his wet hair back carefully. "I'm not a baby." Renjun argues with him but his voice comes out like a baby again and it earns him a laugh from Jeno.

"Sure, babe."

Jeno didn't mean it to call him babe, but oh shit, he just called Renjun babe and the realization hits him in the face seconds later when he was holding Renjun's face to look carefully at his eye. Renjun blushes first, then Jeno follows his way. Jeno has never called him babe, not even jokingly. That was new and unexpected for both of them. Jeno only calls his hook-ups babe and when they’re on the bed. "Uh... Your eyes look so red. Let’s rest for a while."

Renjun nods his head, frantically, eyes never meeting his own. Jeno suddenly realizes they were almost naked and wet. He hasn't realized Renjun was trying really hard not to look at his body until then. He didn't take a glance at Renjun's body. Not a bit. But now that Renjun is in front of him, standing in his trunks and wet, Jeno couldn't help checking him out not so subtly. His first reaction was cute. Cute, cute and cute. Not sexy. No, no. He could not find Renjun sexy.

But fuck it, Renjun looks very sexy in those trunks. He has a small waist and cute but flat tummy, perky little nipples hard from the water. Or from the stare he's receiving, Jeno couldn't tell. Renjun visibly trembles and this was enough for Jeno to stop looking. They head back to their sunbed. Renjun finds one of Mark's friends to chat with again. This time Jeno doesn't let his jealousy take his body over. Because this time Renjun doesn't forget about his presence. He makes him eat some fruits he brought, applies sunscreen on his body, and takes a quick nap on his shoulder. When their time to go home comes, Jeno wakes him up oh so unwillingly. He was so fucking cute while asleep, everybody agreed much to Jeno’s dismay. And of course Renjun was too tired to even walk so Jeno had to carry him to the car.

They drove him home, and Renjun kept sleeping through it again. It was too hard to wake him up and Jeno didn’t have a heart to do it, so Mark did it instead. They promised each other to meet again. Renjun thanked for the lovely day, kissing his cheeks before telling Jeno to check out his back when he's in the shower.

Jeno doesn't understand what Renjun meant till he sees the 'R’ on his back in the mirror. So, Jeno finally learns what Renjun was doing with sunscreen earlier…

Jaemin and Renjun broke up two days later through a text. Renjun assured Jeno that he's okay. That he knew this would happen sooner or later. He just didn't think Jaemin would break up through a simple text like 'let's break up'.

Next week Renjun throws a party and invites nearly all of the town. Jeno hadn’t thought Renjun would move on really quick. He seems like the type of crying over his exes. Yet, he‘s looking so happy to be single again. He even goes back to flirting with other boys and Jeno doesn't know how to feel about it. His two best friends who were once in a relationship just broke up and here he is, witnessing one of them flirting with another boy while the other one is probably doing the very same thing back there.

"Jeno, I swear to god if you're not going to make a move then let the others do it." Mark slaps his head, taking his attention from Renjun. He looks deadly serious and very aware of Jeno's complicated situation. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Mark gives him an intense stare that it feels like he's staring into his soul. "Yeah I get it. You're still in denial. And I'm not gonna force you into anything but you know, you're the one making it difficult. I just hope you'll realize it before it's too late." He rubs his back before leaving him alone with his thoughts. Jeno doesn't understand his cousin's words clearly, feeling like he can't see the big picture but also not knowing what he expects to see. He'll think about his words later when his mind is much clearer.

When his mind is not occupied with Renjun.

Speaking of him, where was he? He was just there, drinking and flirting with a boy a few meters away from him. Where did he go? Jeno was supposed to take care of him and protect him from doing stupid things. "Fuck!" He curses under his breath, eyes wandering around the crowd to spot a fluffy hair. Oh. He spots Renjun at the corner of the room making out with the same guy he flirted with seconds later. He's not in trouble then. Nothing to worry about. But why does Jeno feel like he needs to separate them right now? Why does he feel like his blood boiling? Damn. Why does he feel so angry? It's not like Renjun's still dating his best friend. He's not cheating on anyone. What was wrong with him? Jeno slaps his face harshly. To take Renjun off of his mind, he decides to make out with someone like he does. It doesn’t take long for Jeno to find a girl to flirt with. Even though his purpose was taking Renjun off of his mind, he doesn’t stop himself from taking glances at him from time to time and making sure he's doing okay. Unfortunately, Renjun deepens their make-out and the next second he's taking the guy upstairs, to his room.

Jeno breaks apart from the girl, not needing her now that Renjun is out of his sight. He goes to the less crowded area, drinking a beer while counting the fucking time. Approximately an hour later, the guy comes downstairs looking like he just had the best sex ever, hair messy and shirt wrinkled. It was obvious that they had sex. But still Jeno needed to make sure Renjun's okay. So he goes directly upstairs after the guy disappears, opening doors after doors until he finally finds the right room he's looking for and finds Renjun wearing his shirt. Jeno inhales deeply, feeling happy for seeing him alright despite looking fucked up.

"Oh, hi Jeno..." Jeno tries to ignore that Renjun's voice cracks as he speaks. He's wearing nothing but boxer shorts and an oversized white shirt only. Face flushed, hair messy like the guy he'd fucked with, and a fresh hickey littering his neck. Jeno spots the used dirty condom lying on the floor and he suddenly feels his blood boiling inside of him again. It doesn't do good when he notices the redness on both of Renjun's knees as he walks toward him. "You okay?" He asks once he sits down on the edge of his bed, closer to Renjun.

Renjun curls up in his bed and yawns loudly. "Yeah, I feel amazing. That guy fucked me really good, man." Sometimes Renjun's very shameless when it's about sex. And sometimes Jeno wants him to shut his mouth up when he starts talking about his sex life.

"Is that so?" Jeno gazes at his knees, voice icy.

Renjun nods, feeling so small under Jeno's hard stares. "Uh-huh. His dick was big."

Jeno feels kinda uncomfortable about his statement but doesn't move away or try to change the subject. "How was it?"

Renjun gives him a look that makes Jeno shiver. He bites his bottom lip before speaking up. "It was rough. Jaemin wouldn't fuck me like that even if he tried. He kept talking dirty to me while fucking." Jeno gulps, and Renjun continues talking despite the blush blooming on his cheeks. "He gripped my thighs hard when I rode him. It felt so fucking good, you know Jeno. I was tired of Jaemin fucking me the same way. Our relationship was based on sex only, anyway. I needed someone to fuck me the way I want."

Renjun's legs give up eventually, spreading apart slowly. Jeno can see the faint traces of fingertips on his inner thighs now. "What were you doing? Tell me. Have you found a girl?" He smirks at Jeno cheekily.

"Yeah. Wanna hear how I fucked her in the bathroom?" Jeno lies. He doesn’t know why but he lies. He feels so brave all of a sudden, feeling like he needs to prove something to Renjun. Something he doesn't have a fucking idea yet.

"Go on." Renjun encourages him by saying, hazy eyes not leaving him for a second as he bites his bottom lip again.

"She was cute and clingy, said she wanted to suck me off. So we went into the bathroom. She unzipped my pants and started stroking me until my dick got hard. She couldn't put it all inside her mouth, though."

Renjun cuts him off, tone curious. "So you're big?"

This time Jeno doesn't lie to him. "Yeah. Bigger than Jaemin."

"Did she suck you off good?"

"She would have if her mouth wasn't so small."

Renjun licks his lips. "I have a small mouth too but every guy I'm with says I'm good at giving heads."

Jeno grips the bedsheets. He doesn't need to know how good Renjun is at giving heads. "Yeah?"

Renjun nods his head as he lowers on the bed, legs still spread apart. "How did you fuck her? Hard? Fast? Or slow?"

Why were they talking about sex openly? Why did he want to learn the fucking details? Jeno has tons of questions but he wouldn’t never ask them out loud. Not now.  

"I fucked her hard. She cried out and moaned my name nonstop. She was so loud that I had to put my fingers in her little mouth to muffle her whimpers." Suddenly Jeno's pants feel so fucking tight and he freezes as he sees the tent in Renjun's boxer, too. So he wasn't the only one feeling aroused then.

Renjun's eyes linger at his hand at the mention of his fingers. He studies his long fingers, carefully, like he’s imagining them in his mouth. Fuck. 

"Did she feel good?" He asks, voice hoarse now, one of his hands landing on his boxer. "Did you feel good?"

"Yes." Renjun is now stroking himself through his boxer slowly while looking him in the eyes shamelessly and Jeno doesn't know what to do. Shit, shit.

"I bet I'm better than her." Renjun blurts out suddenly. It takes Jeno aback for a second but he’s quick to collect himself.

He lifts his brow up instead. "Is that so?"

"I bet I'd do better than her. I could make you feel better."

"And how would you do it?" His pants feel so fucking tight that Jeno fidgets uncomfortably in his place.

"I would take all of your cock in my mouth. All the way in. I would suck you off better than anyone you've been with. And... what would you do when I suck you off?" Renjun's breath gets heavier each time he opens his mouth to speak. He grabs his half-hard dick through boxers, eyes never leaving Jeno's as he does so. "I'd make you choke on it."

Renjun makes a little sound. "Oh, I-I’d like that."

Jeno finally decides to put his hand on his crotch and unzips his pants. "Would you swallow when I cum down in your mouth?"

"I'd swallow every bit of your cum. Don't wanna waste any of it. I bet it tastes really good."

Jeno was hard. He realizes it when he grabs his cock, giving it a slight stroke. "F-Fuck..." He whispers under his breath, can't bring himself to take his eyes off of Renjun's fingers around his dick, stroking himself right in front of him. He's so hot even without being naked. Jeno can't imagine what he'd look like when he's naked. God, the guys Renjun had been with are so fucking lucky. They don't know how lucky they are to have Renjun once. Jeno would do anything to have him even for once.

"Would you fuck me better than that guy?" Renjun's next question has Jeno almost growling.

"I would!" Jeno’s honest reply comes almost immediately, his heart beating so loudly that Renjun'd be able to hear it. "I would fuck you so hard that you wouldn't walk straight for days. I'd make you cry, Renjun. You'd cry for my cock."

"Yes, Jeno. Please." Renjun whimpers loudly, his hips bucking into his hand. They begin stroking faster together. "Your cock would feel so fucking good. You'd have to put your long fingers in my mouth to muffle my cries, too. I'd suck and choke on them. I'm obsessed with your fingers. Fuck."

Jeno throws his head back, stroking his throbbing cock furiously. He has never felt that turn on. He has never felt like that before. "Fuck, Renjun. You're so good."

"Nghh... Jeno..." Renjun reaches out to hold his free hand. He needs to hold something. Watching Jeno jacking off in front of him and knowing he's watching him too makes Renjun feel incredibly hot. It doesn't take long for Renjun to come with a scream of Jeno's name, and Jeno follows him afterwards and comes in his boxers. He gives himself a little time to get back to breathing properly again and when he finally takes in what they just did, Renjun has already fast fallen asleep.

"Holy fuck."

No fucking way. Jeno can't believe it. Did they really..? Oh no. He immediately gets up, zips his pants and runs. He just runs. And he doesn't stop running until he arrives at his own home, throwing himself on the bed and closing his eyes. He tries not to think about Renjun but he enters in his dreams instead.

☀️

It feels like the day after he kissed Renjun is repeating itself when he woke up that morning with a slight headache, memories of last night flooding his mind. The first thing he did was cursing. Lots of curses and swears. A mess of crisis in his mind. Having a hard time believing it. It can’t have happened, right? It must be a dream. A wet dream. But the stickiness in his briefs and the lustful images of Renjun stroking himself while watching him is saying otherwise. Jeno gulps, breath getting heavy as he remembers the lust in Renjun’s eyes when he jerked him off in front of him. The sensual moans he let out. The scream of Jeno’s name when he came. It was fresh in his mind. It was clear. They did that. Together. This time Jeno really doesn’t have any idea how to face Renjun.

They’re fucked up. That’s for sure. He could only hope Renjun was too drunk to remember what happened in the morning. He could only hope. God, why do you always put Jeno in those situations? He’s been a good boy. Then why are you doing this to him? Why, why, why?

Jeno stops rebelling, rolling out of his bed to shower himself. The memories keep haunting him there, too. Although Jeno's heard Renjun moaning several times in the past, hearing it closely had a huge effect on him. It hasn’t affected him before. Not before last night. Jeno doesn’t want things to go awkward again. They’ve been there and Jeno almost ruined their relationship. No, he can’t let it happen again. He’ll do anything to protect their relationship from being destroyed.

After shower, he makes himself a bowl of cereal and eats it while trying not to think of Renjun. He does nearly everything to take him off of his mind. He plays games, watches tv, and listens to music loudly. Mark visits him after he finishes his breakfast. His precious cousin keeps his mind busy at least. Though he notices Jeno’s weird mood, he doesn’t ask anything. He probably knows it’s something related to Renjun and last night but he leaves Jeno alone anyway.

Renjun texts him towards the evening, saying he slept till evening and having the shittiest headache. He talks with him as if he doesn’t remember anything from last night or nothing happened between them last night at all. Then they are good, right? There was nothing to be afraid of then. It was only Jeno that made it seem like a big deal.

But wasn’t it a big deal? That they seduced each other and jerked off together? While making eye contact? Okaay, Jeno has to stop himself from thinking too much again. If Renjun has no problem, then so does Jeno.

Renjun is the same, nothing changes. They keep texting, calling each other, playing games together. He still makes Jeno laugh, making stupid jokes. It feels like nothing has changed despite the fact that Jeno sometimes remembers that night in the middle of something he’s doing and feeling goosebumps. The worst thing happened three days later in his sleep. Jeno had a wet dream about Renjun. Renjun’s delicate fingers around his cock felt so fucking real that Jeno was able to feel the touch for days. But he couldn’t do something about it. He couldn’t tell it to anybody. Not even to Mark. So he kept it to himself. Because he didn’t want to make it weird again. It was just Jeno and his stupid mind. Renjun is still the same. Even after one week later of their... thing. He even invites Jeno over to play game on Saturday and Jeno doesn’t have anything better to do so he accepts his offer willingly.

Now he’s in the very same room ‘the thing’ happened, playing Fifa on the playstation with Renjun for a while. He met Renjun’s mom (now Jeno knows who Renjun takes after his cuteness), she made them chocolate cookies and orange juice. Jeno couldn’t help giving one of his cookies to Renjun as his were finished and he was pouting at his empty plate. He just couldn’t resist his adorable pout, man. They were going pretty well. Haven’t talked about anything related to that night. Until Renjun suddenly stopped the game and spoke up.

“I think we need to talk.”

It feels like someone pours ice water on Jeno. Cold, cold water. Renjun turns his body to face him, a serious look on his face now. Jeno drops the console and turns to him, focusing fully on Renjun. He tries not to show his anxiety.

“I remember what we did in my room last week, Jeno. I know you remember it, too. I just... I don’t want it to ruin our friendship, Jeno. But I get it if you don’t wanna talk to me again. I—“

“What are you talking about, Jun? I’m not going anywhere, silly. It’s okay. We’re good.” Jeno cuts him off, not liking what Renjun was trying to say. Renjun lets out a relaxed sigh, his tense shoulders give up. “Oh, thank god...” Jeno then feels Renjun’s body on him all of a sudden, arms wrapping around his body tightly. He giggles before embracing Renjun, feeling as relaxed as him. He’s glad that they solved their problem again.

Yet, another problem ensues when Renjun pulls apart from the hug to mumble softly. “Can I kiss you?”

Oh. Fuck. Jeno didn’t want to tense. Nor did he want his eyes to go wide. He just couldn’t hide his surprise and Renjun read him completely wrong, withdrawing hurriedly. “Right, I’m sorry. You were straight. I shouldn’t have—“

“No, Jun!” He stops Renjun who looks so fucking disappointed at the moment, feeling regretted already. It breaks Jeno’s heart to see him like this. “It’s just... Are you sure? It hasn’t been that long since you and Jaemin broke up.”

Renjun looks at him, this time hopeful. “Yeah, of course I’m sure. I want to kiss you, Jeno.”

Jeno tries not to show his excitement. “So do I.”

The last thing he sees before leaning in and pressing their lips together is Renjun’s big smile. Jeno’s first reaction was ‘woah’. Renjun tastes more amazing when they’re sober. His lips feel softer than they look. Everything feels more real now. This time Jeno is the one who cups his almost entire face, rubbing softly his rosy cheeks with his fingertips. Renjun slides his tongue in when Jeno opens his mouth oh so willingly. The kiss is nothing compared to their first kiss. Now it’s full of hunger, lust and need. It starts off soft but becomes rough at one point. Renjun moans into the kiss when Jeno sucks on his tongue, his back touching the bed. Jeno is on top of him now, holding his face gently and licking into his small mouth. Renjun tries to kiss him back as long as he could but it’s hard when Jeno is hovering over him and kissing the hell out of him, Jeno’s lips against his making his mind go dizzy. Everything feels so surreal. Jeno wouldn’t think they’d end up like this just a few weeks ago.

They make out for a long while. Renjun has his legs wrapped around Jeno’s waist but he never does anything like grinding against him or like that which Jeno is thankful for because he doesn’t know what to do if they take it to the next level. It’s really good for now, just them making out lazily. He doesn’t want to rush things yet.

They eventually pull away from the kiss to breathe but Jeno doesn’t stop kissing Renjun, not yet, trailing his lips down Renjun’s neck. Renjun tilts his head up when he feels Jeno’s mouth on his neck, letting him pepper kisses along his soft and slightly sweaty skin. “J-Jeno...” A whimper escapes from Renjun’s lips as Jeno sucks teasingly into the sensitive spot. “Mmh?” mumbles Jeno, knowing his effect on the smaller. “D-Don’t tease me... Please.”

Jeno nuzzles into his neck, Renjun smells so fucking amazing. He just stays there without doing anything particularly, resting and enjoying the moment for a little while. They gather their breath during it. However, Jeno begins to leave wet kisses again, Renjun allowing him to give his neck small bites, trying to hold his moans so bad from escaping his mouth. Jeno doesn’t stop sucking and biting until a hickey forms. Renjun only keeps squirming under him, letting out pretty sounds.

They suddenly pull away when they hear a knock on the door. Renjun’s mom appears then, without giving them much time to fix themselves. “Uh..? Wrong time I guess.” She says cheekily, staring at their flushed cheeks and swollen lips. It was very obvious that they were making out before she interrupted them.

“Yes, mom. Can you please leave us alone?” Renjun whines, still underneath Jeno. He’s not blushing unlike Jeno who can’t even meet Mrs. Huang’s eyes. He doesn’t raise his head from where he rests it on until Renjun’s mother leaves the room, feeling extremely shy that he’s caught while sucking his son’s neck. “Oh god...” Jeno buries his head into Renjun’s neck again after muttering. Renjun giggles softly, hands rubbing Jeno’s back to comfort him. “She doesn’t mind, don’t worry.”

“She caught me sucking his son’s soul outta him, Renjun.”

Renjun bursts out laughing so loud that Jeno has to shut him up by locking their lips in a passionate kiss. They continue making out for a while and by the time they stopped it, their lips were red and swollen. Renjun yawns after hours of making out, looking so sleepy and cute. “Can you stay over tonight? I wanna sleep with you. Like sleep sleep ‘cause I don’t think I can handle another make-out session.” He smiles sheepishly, cheeks flushed as he looks up to Jeno from where he’s lying on his chest. Jeno makes a sound that indicates he’s thinking even though he already made his mind up once the words left Renjun’s mouth. He’s been stroking Renjun’s fluffy hair since they stopped their heated session and decided to enjoy the moment. Jeno is clearly enjoying the moment.

“Yeah, I can.” He tells him a few seconds later, making Renjun shout in happiness. “I have to tell my mom, though.” Renjun stops him when he is about to reach out for his phone, and enters his password instead which surprises Jeno for a second. “You know my password?”

“Yeah, of course I know it. You’re bad at hiding your password, babe.” He blows a kiss to Jeno but it wasn’t enough for him so Jeno leans in to kiss him properly which Renjun easily gives in. “Let me text Mama Lee that his boy can’t come home tonight.” Renjun tells after they break away.

Jeno watches him typing a message to his mom with a delighted smile. Jeno’s mom replies immediately after, telling them to have fun. However, Renjun doesn’t put his phone back and instead enters his gallery. “Can I look at your pics?” Man, Jeno melts every time Renjun asks with those puppy eyes of his that he can’t ever say no to. “You already know my answer, Jun.” He sighs defeatedly.

Renjun gives him a victorious smile, of course he knows how to tempt him.

Jeno has got nothing to hide from Renjun. Thus, he lets him look at whatever he has in his gallery. Renjun rolls up and down his gallery until he opens a sleeveless pic of him. “Mmm, you look hella good.” He murmurs as he zooms into his abs, mouth watering at the sight in front of him. “Who did you send it to?”

Jeno scratches at the back of his neck. “You know the girl I was hooking up with around April?”

Renjun glares at him. “And you know how I don’t like her. I still can’t believe you hooked up with the girl I disliked the most.” He rolls his eyes before opening a new pic of him. “Who are you? The most handsome guy on earth or what?”

Jeno laughs at that, enjoying Renjun’s pampering. Renjun makes himself busy with Jeno’s phone until his mom calls them to dinner. Jeno met Renjun’s dad at the dinner and it didn’t turn out as scary as Jeno thought it would be. After dinner, they go back to Renjun’s room and continue playing games until they get bored of it and start making out again. It wasn’t heated like earlier. Instead, it was soft and full of smooches. Renjun didn’t stop clinging onto him even when they went to sleep together.

And Jeno didn’t know how he could resist himself. Resisting Renjun was the hardest thing Jeno has ever experienced. It kept on going like this after he went back to his home. They start to hang out more, in his or Renjun’s room. They keep their make-out session longer and longer. And it has become too hard for Jeno to resist him. Renjun has never let them take it further, though. He was always backing away from Jeno as if he was afraid that Jeno wouldn’t want to take things further.

But for Jeno, it was not even the case. He wanted nothing but to take it further with Renjun. Ha craved nothing but Renjun. He didn’t mind doing things with him yet Renjun never let him once. However, Jeno decides to change that today. He had to make something or they were going to keep having blue balls.

“Nobody’s home.” He mutters under his breath, rubbing Renjun’s small waist. This time they were on Jeno’s bed. Another game session ended up with them making out. None of them complained at all. Whatever they do, it would always end up them making out anyway. Jeno has never thought he and Renjun would end up in... this situation before. It started when he first savored the dazzling taste of Renjun and it has never laid off since then.

Renjun kisses his collarbones. “That’s good.” He then lowers down on his body a little and lifts his t-shirt up. “So that I can kiss your abs.”

“Or we can do... something else... that we haven’t done before...” Jeno suggests nervously, not wanting Renjun to scare or withdraw. He tries to stay cool but it wasn’t a choice when Renjun’s right on top of him.

“Oh.” Renjun stops his movements abruptly and gets what Jeno meant at once, cheeks turning pink. “Yeah, of course we can... I mean, if you really want?”

Jeno’s expression softens, cupping Renjun’s face with both of his hands. “I really want to do those things with you, Jun.” A smile appears on Renjun’s face. “I want to feel you.” He grabs Renjun’s half-hard dick through his pants. “I want to know how you taste.”

Jeno has never felt this way about a boy before. All of this is new for him but it doesn’t stop him. He’s kind of nervous, yeah, still he wants to experience how Renjun feels.

Renjun responds to him by grinding down on his crotch. “I do want to feel you.” He grinds down harder. “I want to know how you feel inside of me.”

Jeno groans loudly, watching Renjun straddling him and starting to grind down against his dick. “Fuck, Renjun. Please. I want to fuck you so bad.” He just got a boner from a boy for the first time in his life. He’s glad that Renjun is the first boy to make him feel like this.

“Shh, don’t rush. I’ll make you feel so good.”

Jeno doesn’t remember what or how happened after that. Next thing he knows is Renjun’s taken off his pants and is now between his legs, mouthing at his cock through his briefs. “Can’t wait to finally take you in my mouth. I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

Renjun keeps teasing him, mouthing along his shaft slowly, not taking off his briefs until Jeno begins whining. Even when he’s taking off Jeno’s briefs, he keeps teasing him. “Renjun, I swear to god...” Jeno doesn’t think he could take his teasing now. Not now. His whining has Renjun laughing after giving kittenish licks at the tip of Jeno’s dick. “You weren’t lying when you said that you’re bigger than Jaemin.”

Feeling proud, Jeno grins widely. “I have never lied to you.” He halts. “Except that night when I told you I fucked a girl in your bathroom.” Confessing it makes him blush but he has to do it for Renjun’s sake. He doesn’t want to ever lie to him again. Renjun’s eyes widen at his statement, stopping licking for a second. “You are such a bitch, Jeno. You tried to seduce me.” He stops for a second like Jeno did. “You were jealous!”

Jeno’s cheeks turn into a deeper shade of red. “You got me.”

“You know what, I was jealous that night. And the night when you fucked a girl right next to Jaemin’s room.” He licks along his shaft. “I was jealous because I wanted to be the one who can make you feel good.”

“Ngh… You make me feel so good right now, babe.”

Renjun fucking finally takes his cock into his mouth. Even though it was only the head of his cock, Jeno feels like he’s in heaven. And when Renjun starts sucking him for real, Jeno loses his shit. His sanity. “Renjun, Renjun, Renjun.” His hands grab a handful of Renjun’s hair automatically. Jeno could feel the smirk around his cock. It seems that Renjun is enjoying it, too.

“Mmh,” Renjun purrs. Renjun does fucking purr around his cock and Jeno almost faints from the sensation. “Fuck!” He swears, hands tightening in his hair. “You’re so hot, sucking me like this...” Jeno takes one of his hands to Renjun’s soft cheeks and strokes him gently despite the grip in his hair. It feels really good, Jeno thinks. He could easily get used to this feeling. This Renjun. Between his legs. Bobbing his head up and down slowly. Moaning around his cock only.

“Don’t look at me like that, Renjun.” Jeno groans at the way Renjun giving him the look. The look that screams he wants Jeno to fuck him. To wreck him. “It makes me wanna fuck you so bad.” But not yet. He wants to relish the moment. Renjun’s right, they don’t need to rush things. Why rush when they have all the time they need? It’s still July, man. They’re still in July. Though it’s ending... “You can’t imagine how hard it is to resist you.”

Renjun gives him a satisfied look. Good. Jeno doesn’t want to be the only one enjoying right now. It becomes too hard to hold himself when Renjun keeps showing how good he’s at this. He gives up eventually, trying to reach his climax. “I’m close, babe.” He announces and lets Renjun decide for himself whether he wants to swallow his cum. It turns out Renjun does want to swallow because he doesn’t back away. “I’m so close.” Jeno warns him again, and when Renjun flutters his eyelashes and takes all of his cock into his mouth, Jeno comes deep down his throat.

Renjun swallows every bit of drop, then pulls out his now soft cock with a loud pop.

“You taste really good.” is the first thing he says with his lips swollen and red. Jeno couldn’t help pulling him into his lap, kissing him filthily on the mouth. “You were amazing, Jun. I— Thank you.” Jeno says after breaking the kiss, his eyes are not meeting Renjun’s own. “I wanna return the favor b-but—” Renjun shushes him by giving a peck. “No, it’s okay. You don’t need to return it. I did it because I wanted to. Don’t think like you owe me anything, alright? I would never force you into anything you’re not ready yet.”

Jeno hugs him close, not forgetting to give him a kiss on the forehead. “Thank you, Renjun.” He wants to add something, he wants to say more. It feels like he forgets what he’s supposed to say, not remembering the words. However, he doesn’t dwell on it. He cherishes the hug. He cherishes him.

“Jeno, you know, it’d feel more romantic if your dick isn’t poking my ass right now.” Renjun spoils the moment with a quiet murmur against his chest and Jeno bursts out laughing. “Oh, sorry!” He hurriedly puts his briefs back on. Renjun joins his laughter then, burying his head into the crook of Jeno’s neck. Jeno doesn’t know when it happened but they drifted off to a sweet sleep at some point.

When he wakes up from their little nap, the first thing he sees is not Renjun like he hopes, but Mark instead. He groans at his cousin who’s watching him like a fucking creep from where he’s sitting. “You’re awake I see." Mark flashes him a shitty grin that Jeno knows doesn't hold a good meaning. “Where’s Renjun?” Jeno ignores his curious eyes and asks the most genius question he’s had at the moment.

“He left when I came here.”

“Oh.” Jeno tries not to show his disappointment, yet he fails it seems. “I’m kidding, silly. I just wanted to see your sad puppy face. He just woke up and went to the bathroom. He looked embarrassed by the way. It was cute.”

Jeno sighs in relief. “Of course he’d look embarrassed, dickhead. Why are you in my room?”

Mark flashes him a shitty grin. “I was so bored so I thought I would come over and hang out. But I think you were enjoying it a lot, well, unlike me. At least some of us weren’t bored.”

Nice, now Jeno has to endure the teasing during all summer.

“Fuck off.” He groans as he sits up to gather himself. Mark just grins widely. “I knew you were into him. You’re not very oblivious.”

“If you don’t shut your fu-” His sentence cuts off when Renjun returns to his room with flushed cheeks that melts Jeno’s heart every time he sees. Oh, he just wants to kiss his cheeks all day long. He has never been that soft for anyone, fuck. “Oh, hello Jun.”

Renjun keeps standing there as if he doesn’t know what he should do. “Uh... I, um, I should go home. Mum called, yeah. See you guys later. Bye!”

Jeno practically runs after him when Renjun leaves his room in a flash after saying his goodbye, not waiting for a reply. “Wait, Jun!” He catches him at the start of upstairs and they go down together to the front door. “I’m sorry if Mark made you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know he was coming.”

Renjun turns to him after wearing his shoes. “No no, it’s okay. I like him.” He gives him a reassuring smile. “Oh, cool.” Jeno awkwardly stands there before clearing his throat. “When do you think we’ll see each other again?” He can’t fucking believe he starts to miss Renjun already.

Renjun just smirks. “You know, my parents are going to visit my grandma tomorrow morning and they won’t be home for the weekend. You can come over and be my company until they return. I mean, if you want of course.”

“I wouldn’t mind. I mean, yeah, I’d definitely want to come over. And be your company.”

“Nice! I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Jeno nods. “I’ll miss you.” Fuck, he really just said that. To make things even worse, he leans in to kiss Renjun on the mouth. “Be careful.”

Renjun nods his head in awe as he stumbles on his way, trying to walk straight while his eyes are still on Jeno. He watches Renjun walk away until he disappears from his sight and closes the door with a scream of ‘yes’.

Jeno arrives right after Renjun’s parents left the house, with his backpack and a packet of chocolate chip cookies he brought on his way as a little gift for Renjun because he knows how much he loves those cookies. It’s his favorite, he said it while munching on it later, then kissed Jeno full on the mouth as a ‘thank you’. Later he said that Jeno’s dick is his favorite, too.

Renjun admits that he even loves just feeling Jeno's dick. It’s hard not to ignore it as Renjun always tries to palm him with a giggle whenever they do something together… It took them nearly an hour to finish tidying his room between Renjun palming him and Jeno trying to make him stop from giving himself a boner. However, Renjun finally settles down towards the evening and they just cuddle up together while watching some sit-com on the TV.

“It’s so comfortable to hug you like this.” Renjun sighs happily, nosing along Jeno’s neck. “You smell so good.” It’s unbelievable that he gets horny just from Jeno’s own manly scent. It makes his insides go crazy. He wants nothing but to feel Jeno and Jeno only. Not controlling himself anymore, he begins to pepper wet kisses to his neck, making Jeno stir up. “Babe...” Renjun moans at the nickname and at the way Jeno gropes his ass to make him sit on his lap.

“Say it again.”

Jeno licks his lips before repeating, “Babe. My baby. My Renjun.”

Renjun raises his head to capture Jeno's lips with a wide smile. Their little make-out turns into a not so innocent make-out session and Jeno doesn’t remember when or who starts to grind against each other. All he knows right now is Renjun keeps rubbing his ass down on his clothed dick and moves frantically like he’s riding him. It’s impossible for Renjun to not feel Jeno’s growing erection pressing against his ass now. The fact that Jeno’s dick is not inside Renjun drives him crazy but he doesn’t want to ruin the mood by mentioning it, so he grabs Renjun’s ass and slams down onto his lap just to feel him deep.

“I wanted to do this when we were in my room at my party.” Renjun pulls away from the kiss to admit it. They were both panting and trying to reach their climax from grinding against each other like they’re in a heat. “I wanted to ride you.”

He presses hiss ass down Jeno’s erection so deep that it almost feels like they’re actually fucking. He wishes it were like this... Nevertheless, it still feels so good and it is the closest thing to actual fucking. So yeah, Jeno decides to enjoy it. “Yeah? Then ride me like you mean it, babe. Show me how much you wanted it.” He hesitates before speaking again, gathering the courage to say it aloud. “I actually want to fuck you so bad right now. Like for real.”

Renjun stops moving, eyes darkening as he stares at Jeno’s face as if to make sure he’s not lying in the heat of the moment. He would never force Jeno into anything he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for yet. But hearing it from himself is something else. Jeno wants it. Jeno is ready for it. Jeno wants him. Jeno wants to fuck him and oh god, Renjun has been waiting for this moment for so fucking long that he can’t quite believe the day has finally arrived. Weeks of sexual tension and fooling around will be over finally.

“You’re sure?” He asks just in case. He wants to confirm it before taking it further. Jeno nods frantically, “I’ve never been this sure before.” It makes Renjun chuckle and he can’t help leaning down to kiss his lips before getting off his lap, taking his hand with him. “Let’s go to my room then.”

Jeno curses under his breath at the way Renjun biting his bottom lip and winking at him. He doesn’t wait any longer and follows him like a good dog, eyes never leaving Renjun’s curvy body before him. He may have squeezed his ass once or twice when they were climbing up the stairs. He couldn’t help himself. Renjun is just so cute. Jeno has no idea how he managed to hold himself back for months when Renjun was just always there. He has no idea how he didn’t realize his feelings sooner. He’s extremely attracted to Renjun. There’s something in Renjun that Jeno can’t just ignore. The attraction is so strong. His feelings towards Renjun are so strong.

But also, the lust is so strong.

Jeno pins Renjun against the mattress once they’re inside his room, making them jump up and down on it. Renjun flashes him a smile as Jeno starts to undress them in a hurry. “Babe, relax. I’m not going anywhere. Slow down a bit.” He tries to comfort Jeno by helping him and rubbing his tense shoulders. Jeno visibly relaxes under his touch and gives him a nervous smile in return. Renjun leans up to give him an open-mouthed kiss. After that, they continue whatever they’re doing more slowly. Renjun tries his best to make Jeno feel less nervous about the situation by making out more than necessary and letting Jeno feel him up. At some point, Jeno touches his dick and they both jump simultaneously at the new feeling.

Renjun looks at him in dread to see if Jeno’s showing any kind of discomfort or having second thoughts about it, and finds out Jeno is actually enjoying it instead. “It’s cute,” he says and Renjun chuckles as he hits him on the shoulder. “Shut up!”

Then, Jeno raises his hand and spits into it while holding eye contact, starting to stroke Renjun’s dick into its full size. “Fuck... That was hot, Jeno. Oh my God.” Renjun gapes at him, having a hard time recovering from what he has just seen with his two own eyes. He finally comes to himself when Jeno rubs the head of his dick and Renjun thrusts into his hand with a blissful moan. “Well, I don’t think we have to take it this slow. I changed my mind.”

Jeno laughs, nodding his head as he understands what Renjun implies. “Uh, where do you keep the condoms and lube?”

“There,” Renjun points out the second drawer on his nightstand, feeling excited all over again. Jeno takes them out and doesn’t waste any second to slick his fingers with the lube. Normally, Jeno would be really confident in bed. However, he’s not that sure about himself this time. It’s his first time he’s doing it with a guy. And he is really glad that the guy is Renjun. His Renjun. He’s happy he’s doing it with Renjun. He’s there to help and guide Jeno.

“You need to be gentle when you’re fingering me, okay? Remember, always be gentle and take it slow.” He directs one of Jeno’s fingers against his rim and lets Jeno rub at it, teasingly, appreciatively. “I fingered myself before you came here, so I’m still loose. You can add your finger now.” Jeno does what he says, pushing his finger in and watches in awe as Renjun’s hole sucks it easily. If it isn’t the hottest thing Jeno has ever seen... Renjun whimpers loudly, finally feeling Jeno’s finger inside him after so long. “Keep going. Finger me. Slowly.” Jeno begins to push his finger in and out slowly, earning low groans from Renjun. He keeps doing that for a while before Renjun tells him it’s okay to add another finger.

Jeno starts to finger him properly when he finally gets how it works and finds the best rhythm. He’s actually enjoying fingering just like how Renjun enjoys it. Renjun’s compliments and moans help him boost his confidence. So, eventually Renjun stops guiding him and lets Jeno take control. Considering his size, he prepares Renjun as best he can, not wanting to hurt him in any way while they’re doing it. At some point, Renjun screams at him to stop and Jeno pulls away immediately, fear painting his face. “Did I hurt you? Did I do it wrong? Renjun, I’m so sor—”

“No, Jeno. Just fuck me already.” Renjun giggles at Jeno’s poor expression. It was cute how Jeno was worried about him in an instant.

“Oh, okay. I’ll just—” Jeno hurriedly tears open a condom, rolling it down onto his dick and pouring a great amount of lube onto it. “You ready?” He asks Renjun and when he nods, Jeno leans down to capture his lips in a kiss as he lines himself up and finally pushes his cock in so slowly.

“Oh my God.” Renjun lets out the most sinful moan, eyes rolling back from the stretch and the feeling of Jeno’s dick inside him after so long. Jeno curses under his breath at the warmth and tightness around his dick. "Fuck, Renjun. It feels so good.”

Renjun nods his head frantically as he shouts, “Yes, yes, yes! I know, right? It gets better when you start actually fucking. Just let me adjust to your size. God, you’re so thick.”

They spend the time kissing until Renjun has adjusted to his size and Jeno is ready to go. Jeno thrusts into him slowly, testing the water before beginning to fuck Renjun properly. Like how he wants, like how they both want. Renjun wraps his hands around his neck to hold onto him when Jeno begins to roll his hips against him professionally. Renjun has always known Jeno is great at sex, but now that he’s experiencing it at the first hand, he feels like going insane because of the amount of pleasure Jeno’s giving him. He’s not only fucking Renjun, he’s touching him, kissing him and making him feel like he’s the most beautiful person in the world with such sweet words. He’s treating him like he’s the most precious thing, always making sure he’s doing it right and Renjun’s enjoying it as much as he himself does. He’s gentle with him despite the hunger in his eyes. Renjun could see the way Jeno’s holding himself back from wrecking him. He could see the amount of want in those eyes. Jeno wants him as much as Renjun wants him and it sure feels amazing to know this.

“You’re so good for me, Jeno. Fucking me so good.” He throws his head back as Jeno thrusts into him harder after hearing his words, wanting to prove Renjun that yes, he’s good. And that he’s fucking him really good. “You have no idea how hot you’re looking while taking my cock, Renjun. Fuck, I could fuck you forever. I wanna fuck you and you only.”

Renjun sobs, rocking his hips to meet Jeno’s thrusts. “Yeah? I want you and you only, Jeno. Only you can make me feel this good... I’m all yours.”

Jeno’s now thrusting in and out of him, faster and harder. “You’re all mine? Fuck yeah, you are.”

Renjun spreads his legs wider for Jeno to enter deeper, his moans getting out of control but Jeno loves hearing it. He loves Renjun’s voice. He loves knowing Renjun’s letting out those sweet sounds because of him. “Wait, Jeno.” He stops his movements as soon as the words leave Renjun’s mouth. Renjun stops for a minute to catch his breath before changing their positions. Now Jeno’s the one lying on his back while Renjun’s on top of him, straddling him. “Shit.” Jeno groans when Renjun starts to ride him like how he wanted back downstairs.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, I swear.” He puts his hands on Renjun’s hips to help him bounce on his dick, watching how Renjun jumps up and down with a blissed face. Jeno pulls his upper body down to suck a spot on his chest, painting his skin there with bright red hickeys. Renjun has to put his hands on Jeno’s shoulders to steady himself from collapsing. “I’m close, Jeno. So close.”

Jeno realizes he hasn’t touched Renjun’s dick since they started fucking and immediately wraps a hand around his leaking dick to start jerking him off. Not expecting the touch, Renjun whimpers helplessly as his hips thrust into Jeno’s hand, chasing his lust. “Come for me, baby. I want you to cum on me. I want to taste you.”

Renjun’s now sobbing with his eyes shut closed, his movements halting as his legs start to ache. Jeno takes over and raises his hips to fuck into him, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of Renjun’s ass as he grips him tightly. “T-There! Jeno, oh my god, keep fucking.” Jeno knows he finds his prostate, so he aims to hit him there brutally, pace so fast. It doesn’t take long for Renjun to come after a few thrusts, his cum landing on Jeno’s chest just like how he wanted, riding out his orgasm. Jeno, too, follows him and shoots his cum into the condom, thrusting shallowly as he enjoys every bit of his climax.

Renjun can’t help collapsing onto Jeno, too fucked out to move. Jeno lets him lay down despite the stickiness, rubbing his back softly as they try to steady their breaths, both panting. None of them says anything for a minute before Jeno decides to say something. “You know, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“You’re lying.” Renjun giggles into his neck.

“No, it’s true! I can’t remember ever cumming this much. I may have broken the condom.”

Renjun laughs this time, raising his head to meet Jeno’s bright eyes. Fuck, Renjun hasn’t still used to Jeno’s warm eyes that make him feel special. Like he’s the only one receiving this kind of treatment. And yeah, maybe he is. Because he can’t remember Jeno ever looking at someone with that much intimacy in his eyes. He’s glad that those eyes are directed to him only. That those eyes are only for him. He’s glad to know that he’s somehow special. “That was the best sex for me too because it was with you.” He admits shyly, watching how Jeno’s expression softens with that. “I’m happy you were my first.” Jeno replies before pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. He doesn’t miss the way Renjun’s face glows.

Eventually they need to break apart to clean themselves up. Despite being tired, they have a quickie in the shower. After that, they just cuddle together and fall into a deep sleep.

The next morning, Renjun wears Jeno’s way too big shirt and damn, leaving a few buttons undone on purpose. They ‘try to’ prepare breakfast between kissing and playing. The outcome is edible, though. So they eat it up.

They’ve been making out for quite a while instead of cleaning up their mess when they hear the bell. Renjun pulls away with a pout and a confused face. “They weren’t supposed to be here till tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’ll just clean these up quickly, go.” Jeno kisses his pout away before Renjun goes to open the door. Well, Jeno expects to hear Renjun’s parents. Or anyone. It could be anyone but Jaemin. Jeno definitely doesn’t expect to hear his other best friend’s voice.

He freezes, eyes going wide as he listens to Jaemin talking with Renjun excitedly as if he’s happy to see him. Jeno suddenly feels sick in the stomach when he hears footsteps approaching towards the kitchen. He doesn’t know what to do or how to face Jaemin. It’s obvious what they were doing with the way both of their lips are swollen, hickeys glittering and the lack of clothes on them. So yeah, it surprises Jaemin once he finds Jeno in the kitchen.

“Oh.” He looks back at Renjun, then says. “Wow. Hi, Jeno. I didn’t expect to see you here.” He flashes him a shitty grin despite the weirdness, even going far to hug him. Jeno hugs back because he really missed him.

“Uh, hi Jaemin. I didn’t expect to see you either. What brings you here? Why didn’t you text me, dick?”

Jaemin chuckles after pulling away to glance at Renjun. “I wanted my visit to be a surprise. But you guys also have a surprise for me.”

Jeno blushes under Jaemin’s eyes, feeling like he can’t breathe suddenly. He doesn’t know how to explain it. He doesn’t even know what he and Renjun are actually. They didn’t put a label on their relationship yet. They didn’t ever talk about it. So, it is a rather weird situation between the three of them now. Shit, Jeno fucked his best friend's ex boyfriend. This is a big no, right? He's fucked up. 

“Why are you here, Jaemin? I mean, why did you visit me first?” Renjun interrupts them when he sees how stiff Jeno is.

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you. To clear some things between us. Can we talk?”

Renjun glances at Jeno before answering. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go inside.”

They leave Jeno alone in the kitchen with his thoughts swirling in his head. He lets out the breath he’s been holding since god knows for how long and tries to ignore the weird feeling in his heart by cleaning up. But it was hard. He could see them sitting on the couch from where he is but he wasn’t able to hear what they were talking about. He could only watch and desperately prays for the best. What would he do if they decided to go on their relationship just like how it was before they broke up? What would he do? Jeno doesn’t want to jump into assumption but seeing them smiling at each other softly makes him want to run away. He decides to turn his back to them when Jaemin puts his hand on Renjun’s back, not wanting to witness anything more. Renjun just wanted to replace Jaemin because Jeno looks like him. He just wanted to fuck around when they were away. Jeno’s feelings didn’t matter.

His feelings. Jeno’s heart almost stops as the realization dawns on him finally. He loves Renjun. He likes him and he can’t believe it took him for this long to realize his feelings towards Renjun. It’s been there the whole time. It’s always been there and Jeno has just seen it now. He likes Renjun a lot. He probably has liked Renjun since the first time he saw him.

But Jaemin—

“Hey, Jeno. Can we also talk? I need to tell you something.” Jeno turns back to find Jaemin standing in front of him with an unreadable look. Jeno thinks he’s fucked as he nods, gulping heavily. He’s suddenly very anxious when he follows Jaemin towards Huang’s garden. They stop once they’re out of Renjun’s sight and the first thing Jaemin does is… laugh? He’s laughing at Jeno’s face.

“I can’t believe you and Renjun— I just… I just never thought. I gotta say I’m really surprised.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry? I never thought it’d happen either. It just happened?”

Jaemin stops laughing, raising an eyebrow as he asks. “So you’re fucking?”

Jeno flushes bright red. “Yeah, you could say that…”

“So Renjun was right. You think you’re just fucking.” Jaemin shakes his head in disappointment as he takes a deep breath. “Well, I have some things to tell you bro. So, the reason why Renjun approached me at first was actually to ask about you. He’d seen us hanging out around the campus at the beginning of the semester and wanted to know about you through me. I told him that you were straight and that I was bisexual. Well, he was cute so I thought we might hook up or something if he was interested later. As expected, we hit it off quickly and started flirting but his eyes were always looking for you, man. He wouldn’t stop asking about you, even in the bed. I wasn’t irritated by it, well, because we both knew he would never have a chance with you. It was fun to be with Renjun but you know me, I don’t wanna get into a serious relationship. Ew, not my style. And I’ve been aware of Renjun’s tiny crush on you since the beginning, so I decided to break up with him before he gets too attached to me. Anyways, I just talked with Renjun and he thinks you’re just experimenting with him. But I’ve been your best friend since high school, Jeno. I know you. You don’t play with people. And you don’t definitely get involved with someone you don’t like. Geez, I know you like Renjun a lot and that’s so cute but please make it official as soon as possible. Renjun was really upset and didn’t know how to ask you about it. And before you say something silly, I don’t mind if you two start dating. I told Junnie the same thing back there. You guys have my blessing. Yeah, that’s all. Wow, I talked too much.”

“My head hurts.” is the first thing Jeno says after Jaemin fucking finally finishes. Jaemin lets out an obnoxious laugh at that. “But you’re right, I  like him a lot and god, we really need to talk.”

Jeno feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders now that everything is clear. He likes Renjun. Renjun likes him? Jaemin knows it and doesn’t have a problem with it. Jeno is not as straight as he thought. And that’s okay. At least he now knows why he’s been acting all weird back then and it’s not because he’s a homophobic asshole. It is, indeed, the otherwise. God, he was so stupid. Why didn’t he realize it sooner? Well, it was kind of better that he hadn’t realized it then while Renjun and Jaemin were still an item now that he thinks about it. Jeno would have lost his mind if it were like that. It was difficult enough back then. So yeah, he’s fine with the way things went. 

“Wait, Renjun really liked me since then?” Jeno’s eyes widen once he consumes everything Jaemin just said. Shit. Renjun couldn’t have liked him that long, right? But… In hindsight, there were little signs here and there. The way Renjun was always so eager to hang out with him, the way he took care of him, the way he looked at him like he was so special. Jeno remembers him confessing how he wanted to be the one who could make him feel good back before they even started hooking up. Little confessions that now make sense.

“Yeah, I always made fun of him for that. Oh, you have no idea how hard he was crushing on you.” Jaemin replies and Jeno decides not to ask more questions about it since Jaemin has that evil grin on his face that scares Jeno a bit. “Well, I think you should get the fuck out so that we can talk?”

Jaemin has the audacity to pout. God, Jeno wants to punch his face so much right now. “You’re so mean. I came here all the way to be treated like this? You guys don’t deserve me.”

“Just go. You literally interrupted our moment.” Jeno huffs in annoyance. Jaemin finally gives in, rolling his eyes. “Fine. I’ll go to annoy Mark then. You’re not fun at all. I thought there’d be more drama. Like, I really expected you to have a gay panic and ignore Renjun like the plague. Shit, it’d be more fun if you two weren’t so mature. Then I would ha—”

Jeno puts his babbling to an end and grabs him by the shoulders to drag him towards the door. Jaemin whines and resists a few times but he eventually accepts the defeat, letting Jeno close the door to his face. “Don’t forget to thank me later!” Jaemin’s voice comes from behind the door even so. Jeno rolls his eyes despite the smile on his lips. Jaemin is really something…

Renjun is standing a few steps away from him when Jeno turns around to find the other one. “Oh. Hi.”

Renjun gives him a nervous smile. “Hi. Did Jaemin leave?”

Jeno nods. “I think we should talk.”

Jeno sees Renjun gulp, fiddling with his fingers nervously. Oh. Renjun must have read it wrong. Before he can reassure him, Renjun blurts out. “I get it if you don’t want to continue, uh, whatever it is we’re doing. I guess you’ve had enough of experiment now that we had sex. Just know that—”

“Wait, wait. Renjun, it’s not like that.” Jeno stops him with a chuckle. Renjun glares at him. “You read it so wrong. I wasn’t going to end it. Well, I actually wanted to, uhh, how do I say this? Fuck.” Jeno takes a deep breath to prepare himself. “I like you, Renjun. I’m not using you for experiment shit or anything like that. You make me feel extremely happy. Like, I’m happier when you’re around. Or even when you’re not around because even thinking of you is enough to put a smile on my face. When I’m with you, my heart feels so full. When I look at you, all I wanna do is just hold your hand, kiss you breathless, hug you for hours and make you smile because your smile is the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Shit, I know I’m being so cheesy right now but I can’t help it, you’re just everything I want. I'm gonna stop being cheesy now. I really really like you Renjun and I’d really really like you to be my first boyfriend.”

“Oh my god,” Renjun gasps when Jeno finishes. “You’re so silly.”

Jeno exhales the breath he’s been holding. “Wait, what does that mean? I need an answer, Renjun. I’m literally dying here.”

Renjun lets out a lovely laugh. “Did you really not realize I’ve been crushing on you the entire time? I really really like you, too. And I’d really really like to be your first boyfriend.” A pause. “And your last boyfriend hopefully. I don’t plan on leaving you for a very long time.” 

“I’d like that.” Jeno smiles, opening his arms to embrace Renjun who happily runs to him. “God, I like you so much.”

They only pull away to press their lips together. It’s the sweetest kiss they’ve ever shared. And it’s also their first kiss as boyfriends so it feels even better than the previous ones. Damn, Renjun is really his boyfriend. He really should thank Jaemin later. Just as they deepen the kiss, Jeno’s phone starts to vibrate in his back pocket loudly and interrupts them. Jeno groans as he grabs his phone to check who is the caller and it doesn’t surprise him when he sees Jaemin’s name on the screen. 

Speaking of the devil… As if he sensed that Jeno thought of him, he rushed to call him. It’s kinda scary. Nevertheless, Jeno accepts the call just to curse at him. But Jaemin’s excited voice doesn’t give him the time to start talking. 

“Did you make it up? Are you official now? Was I right? Am I the best? Hurry, Jeno, tell me everything! Wait, or did you run away like a coward? Do I need to punch you or—”

“Oh my god, just shut the fuck up dude. You interrupted us again. And we made it official just before you called for your information. So if you excuse us…” Jeno attempts to hang up but Jaemin’s loud voice stops him. 

“Wait! Congratulations! Where is my ‘thank you Jaemin, we wouldn’t have made it if you hadn’t helped us’ and ‘you’re the best—”

Jeno does hang up this time, Jaemin’s loud voice disappearing fucking finally. He can’t believe Renjun’s ex literally interrupted their moment to congratulate them. Jeno can’t ignore Jaemin’s tiny help, though. He gave him the push he needed to. He talked to Jeno and Renjun to clear things for them. He didn’t respond badly like Jeno imagined. God, he even showed support. And the fact that Jeno and Renjun met because of Jaemin is something Jeno will forever be thankful for. So yeah, maybe Jeno should really thank him later. 

Now, though, he would rather be with the boy likes the most in the whole world and kiss him silly. 

“We should thank him later,” He says, leaning in to peck Renjun’s lips. 

“Yeah, we should.” Renjun says back, eyes never leaving Jeno’s lips. It’s so obvious that his mind is somewhere else. “Later.”

“Later.” Jeno repeats as his lips stretch into a wide smile before Renjun closes his eyes to dive into a kiss again.