Chapter Text
Severus watched him leave with an expression of forced satisfaction, eight torturous years spent largely under the same roof and he was finally leaving for good, it should feel like closure, he should feel relief. But what he does feel as he watches the back of Potter's head descend down the front steps and into the carriage, feels a lot closer to regret, and as his stomach writhes unpleasantly like a nest of angry vipers, he watches him walk away, walk away forever.
"An end of an era" said Minerva fondly, stepping up beside him to watch the last remaining stragglers. Severus started slightly, he'd not heard her approach, with the dark lord finally gone he had clearly let his defences slip, he would have to rectify that!
"They really were an exceptional bunch of students though" she continued, oblivious to Severus' discomfort. "You know the kind, you see them perhaps only once every ten years or so, they come and go leaving their mark on the castle, and well, Harry and his friends have certainly done that, and we are all really going to miss them."
"Speak for yourself" Severus grunted with a look of disgust, turning from the window. "I for one am finally looking forward to some well earned peace and quiet. The likes of which I have not experienced for, hmmm.....8 years!"
"Come now, Harry and his friends did save the entire wizarding world after all, you especially should credit him that" she retorted knowingly, her eyes twinkling in that infuriating way that reminded Severus far too much of Albus.
He sighed, his face hardening. "You think me fickle, that suddenly he saves the world and I'll be what, kissing his boots?"
"You? Fickle?" laughed Minerva. "Never. I just thought that Harry saving your life might have made a difference, made you feel a little warmer towards him at least."
Severus scoffed, pulling his robe defensively across his chest, his voice dripping with its usual sarcasm "Oh of course, I'd almost forgotten the radiating warmth Potter expressed towards me after I saved the brats ungrateful hide for what was it last? The tenth time."
"Now now Severus, no ones counting, and he's nearly nineteen, you need to stop thinking of him as some unruly child in need of chastisement and see him for the man he's grown to be. It's been longer then I care to admit since Harry was ever a child," she added sadly.
Severus rolled his eyes. He knew she was right, but loath if he would be seen openly admitting it. From what Albus had told him Potter had never had a real childhood at all, manipulated by his over bearing aunt and uncle he'd spent the first eleven years of his life as nothing more than their servant, cooking and cleaning and being a scapegoat for anything and everything that went wrong in their sad little lives. He'd then been subsequently thrown head first into a world he knew nothing about and informed that he was to be the wizarding worlds saviour. It was hardly surprising he'd had to grow up, and grow up fast.
That being said he was still an overgrown child in Severus' eyes, and being only 5ft 5 didn't help his case any. Nor the fact that he'd gone straight from the blazing glory of the battle field, right back to slouching around the castle corridors in his hideous muggle "hoodies", ingeniously named Severus had since learnt, because of the over sized hood on the garments rear. Muggles did have a terrible tendency for stating the obvious.
After the battle, in true Potter style, he had rather rudely refused the exceedingly generous offer from the new Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, of becoming his second in command, an incredible prospect even for Harry Potter. But Potter, ever the martyr, had insisted on earning his place at the Ministry and instead chose to spend another year at Hogwarts in which to finish his Newts. A ridiculous choice, though perhaps Severus only thought so for the selfish reason of having to suffer another year of his company.
And suffer he did, as not only had Potter made it his mission to take the 'right and proper path' when it came to his education, but it quickly became apparent this was also to be extended to his and Severus' 'relationship' for want of a better word. Yes, the young man had saved his life, he'd somehow predicted the possibility that Severus may end up being subjected to Nagini's bite and had brewed an anti venom, much to Severus' surprise, strong enough to counteract the poison, allowing Severus to emerge marked but relatively unscathed from the battle. An outcome, if being truthful with himself at the time, he had neither anticipated nor entirely desired.
If anything this made them square now surely, he owed Potter nothing. It certainly didn't warrant the constant pestering that Severus had to endure every time the two of them crossed paths. Nothing had changed between them, and if Potter believed they were suddenly to become life long friends he had another thing coming. The horrors of war and a lifetime of loss may have matured Potter prematurely, but he was still completely clueless when it came to the ways of the world. Lifelong enemies, OK perhaps enemies was a little strong, but either way, people who strongly disliked one another did not suddenly become 'friendly' overnight just because they fought in a war together, this was the real world not some muggle movie.
So Snape had continued in very much the same way he had always done, saviour of the wizarding world or not, Potter was still a student and him his teacher, so while the other professors continued to stroke his already over inflated ego, Severus was always there to bring him down a peg or two.
But as Severus had continued to allow himself comfort in the familiar, the inevitable day loomed forever closer when that familiarity, like all the other constants in his life, would be ripped away. Like it or not his and Potter's lives had always been intertwined, and although the boy made him bat shit crazy at times, it didn't stop him wondering what pleasures he would have left in life when the joys of winding Potter up tight and watching him spin were finally taken from him. And Potter had done just that, exactly one year after the end of the war he had graduated along with his class mates, achieving grades Severus hardly thought him capable of and was finally leaving for the big wide world.
Severus looked up, Minerva was watching him, a slight smile on her face. He frowned, snapping himself out of his little reverie before scowling at Minerva and sweeping out of the room is a flurry of robes.
Peace at last he had thought, and peace he had had, a whole six months of boring monotony, and if during this time his eye had been drawn by a particularly messy head, or a pair of especially round spectacles, it was purely coincidental, of course. In his defence, it was difficult to forget the boys existence when his name was uttered amongst the staff and students more now then when he was at school here. Potter this, Potter that, his face glaring out at him on the front of the daily prophet more often then not, taunting, tormenting. It was enough to drive the most stoic man to distraction, a distraction that came in the form of Potter, in his full Auror regalia, strolling around the castle in all his crimson and gold glory like nothing had changed at all. Like he had ever right and reason to be there.
He'd grinned at Severus in a way an ex student had no right to grin at his hated old potions professor, the light glinting off the golden buttons of his high necked collar, and Severus had hoped in that moment, for his own sanity more than anything, that this would be a one time visit. He'd had quite enough of Potter roaming the corridors at will when he was a student, he didn't need it now, and must definitely not dressed like that! He was reluctant to admit it but it seemed even a scrawny midget like Potter looked good in an Auror uniform. The robes, pinched in at the waist with its intricate golden trim, paired with the knee high dragon hide boots, god damn it he was only human!
All hopes of Potter's visit being a one off were quickly dashed, when his popping in and out of the castle to visit Minerva, Hagrid, and one time even Rolanda, became more and more frequent. His persistent loitering had reached such a level of annoyance that Severus found himself snapping at Potter from across the entrance hall having just descended the staircase and found him looking far too at home strolling from the Great Hall.
"I sometimes wonder whether you ever left the castle at all Potter!" Snape shot from across the hallway, "or have you forgotten your way home again?"
Harry stopped in his tracks, looking up at Severus with a quirk to the corner of his lips, his eyes glittering as though sharing a private joke.
"Good to see you too Professor" Harry quipped, grinning.
"I'd like to say the feelings mutual Potter."
"Would you?" Harry replied with a laugh.
Snape glowered, coming to a halt on the bottom step he towered over Harry in a way that should have had him quaking in those god forsaken knee high boots, but instead did nothing but fuel his apparent amusement.
"So what brings the ministries poster boy to the castle today? Investigating a stolen quill perhaps, or are you infiltrating an illicit underground Gobstones club?”
Harry barked out a laugh, his entire face lighting up in a way that did unexplainable things to Severus' stomach.
“Nothing quite as exciting as that” he answered with a smile. “Just this and that, you know.”
"This. And. That?" Severus repeated, his eyebrows raised sceptically.
Harry rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, the shiny gold buttons of his uniform straining under the pressure. Severus' eyes flickered briefly to the appendage in question before silently cursing the gods for ever creating Harry Potter and his suddenly ridiculously broad chest.
"I'm not here on Auror matters, if that's what you're asking.'
"Another social call then, how lucky we are to have the ministries finest at our beck and call. You're quite the budding Auror from what I hear" sneered Severus, stepping down beside Potter and taking great satisfaction in finding still a distinctive difference in their heights. That was at least one thing that hadn't changed he thought smugly.
"Budding Auror?" said Harry with a snort. "Been reading Witch Weekly professor?"
Severus scowled, he would never have had the nerve to speak to him like that when he was at school. "Do I look like the sort of man who reads Witch Weekly Potter!”
"I dunno" he answered with another one of his insufferable shrugs. "What kid of man would that be?”
Oh he was testing Severus' patience today, and didn't he just know it. “You can rest assured Mr Potter, although I'm yet to see how it could possibly be any of your business, that the only magazine worth my perusal is that of the potions variety."
"There's no need to sound so defensive, sir,' Harry answered with a smirk.
Severus took a deep breath before answering, it wouldn't do to start a confrontation with Potter this close to the watchful eye of the headmistress, not if he wanted to keep a roof over his head and galleons in his pockets.
"Well as scintillating as this conversation is, we don't all have the luxury of time in which you do, so if you will excuse me."
"Of course' said Harry taking a step back, smoothing his hands down the front of his jacket before sliding his hands into its pockets. "I guess I'll see you around then."
"I sincerely hope not" Severus replied with a scowl "Good day."
"Bye then Professor."
Potter turned and continued his earlier path out of the entrance hall, Severus watching uneasily at the reminder of the similar moment not that many months ago, when he was naive enough to believe it to be the last time he'd ever lay eyes on the insufferable brat. Oh the irony!
He sighed, inhaling deeply the lingering scent he had only recently come to associate with Potter. The smell of rain, of earth, of youthfulness, of unpredictability; and as it drifted away on the gentle breeze from the open front doors, Severus was hit with a sudden and completely unexpected feeling of loneliness, the likes of which he'd never felt before.
Loneliness was not an emotion Severus was familiar with, having seldom had the time in which to feel the absence of others, and having never felt the need to seek out company for company's sake. In all the years he'd worked at Hogwarts, had worked for Dumbledore as a spy, solitude had kept him safe, and it certainly had never been a job that required him to be a sociable, god forbid!
Ever since he was a child he had learnt to be reliant on no one, and that had suited him just fine. 'Expect nothing, and you will never be disappointed', that was Severus' motto, a sentiment which had rarely let him down throughout his lifetime. None of this helped however to explain this sudden need for companionship, this sudden feeling of isolation. It made him uncomfortable to feel, to want, to need. It seemed that a void had opened in Potters absence, and Severus had no idea how he was going to fill it.
He returned to the dungeons that night clutching tight to a bottle of Ogdens finest, arguably his one and only true companion throughout the years, the likes of which had certainly got him through tougher times then these. The problem tonight was once he started, he found he couldn't stop, and more importantly, tonight he did not want to stop. The result was inevitable, and some hours later, crouched over the toilet bowl, his knees protesting loudly at the hard cold tiles beneath them, he pondered the unfairness of the hand he'd been dealt and wondered how he was ever going to get himself out of this one.