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“Hey, Ben?” Vanya asked, crawling on top of her husband’s lap. “Does Five ever annoy you?”
Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m not getting into this. You two can resolve the laundry issue on your own.”
The laundry issue he referred to was a few disagreements between her and Five that had led to half of their house breaking, which then led to them paying a contractor and embarrassedly admitting to Ben that they’d nearly broken their house completely. Just standard stuff for a superpowered relationship, but their husband had firmly planted himself in neutral territory, which was probably for the best. Usually, they only ever got worse when one of them had Ben on their side.
Vanya, determined to be enabled by her husband and aware that she was his favorite, anyways. (Which, in his defense, when the other option was somebody who had enough confidence to be his own favorite, it was kind of hard not to pick her.) “It’d be so fun, though.” She kissed his neck. “Don’t you want to see him just the slightest bit more humble, Ben?”
“Not if it’s through whatever method you’re suggesting.”
This was actually going to be one of the more convincing parts of her argument. Ben couldn’t resist the sight of her in a strap. “I don’t know about that, though. In fact, I think you’ll really enjoy the method that I’m suggesting.”
Unimpressed, he reached for his book beside him, about to start reading until she poked him, and he glanced up at her with a sigh.
She pouted long enough before a resigned expression crossed his features, and she trilled, “So, Operation Humble Five Hargreeves goes as follows—”
Her husband groaned, but she was pretty sure he’d enjoy the plan, regardless.
Thankfully, by the time Vanya’s absurd plan was being enacted, the repairs required in their home had been fixed. He wasn’t sure he’d have gone through with it if there was a possibility of anybody accidentally walking in on them. Exhibition wasn’t the problem, so much as the confidence required for the task. Ben didn’t think confidence would come easily to him if their contractor saw his wife and himself spit roasting their husband.
No matter what Five and Vanya said, he wasn’t a prude. He was just as nasty as the two of them; he just had enough common sense to not try some of the shit that Five was into. For some reason, Vanya did not, even though he’d have always assumed that they’d be allies in recognizing how ludicrous their husband’s sexual appetite was.
Unfortunately, his wife was even hornier than his husband.
This was especially evident when they watched a movie together that night, Vanya’s eyes following Five like she was a predator and he was prey. Their husband shifted uncomfortably a few times, not seeming to know how to deal with Vanya’s heated look.
Eventually, he just asked, out loud, “Are you about to kill me?”
Ben grimaced; Five sounded excited by the concept.
“Of course not.” She studied him for a few moments before telling him, “I am going to fuck you until you tell me that I am right about the laundry and you’re sorry, though.”
So, this was about the laundry, then. Ben couldn’t say that he was surprised.
“That’s not going to happen.” Five rolled his eyes. “Because I was right about the laundry, and I’m not sorry about being right.”
Her teeth bared, and Ben worried that Five might actually get his dream of getting murdered by Vanya fulfilled tonight.
Then, she said, voice too high pitched and innocent for the words that followed, “Are you saying that you don’t want to get fucked by me, Five? You don’t want to take my strap and get spanked until your little ass is red?”
How did that actually work? God, Five was a moron.
“I’m not saying that,” he hissed, looking offended that she would suggest such a thing. “I’m simply saying that I’m not wrong, and there’s no point in apologizing for being right.”
“Jesus Christ.” Ben set his head in his hands. They were both so stubborn that they couldn’t admit that they were both wrong about the stupid laundry thing. “Just apologize, Five. Please. For me.”
That apparently didn’t work when it was Ben asking.
Vanya, at some point when Ben reprimanded Five, had disappeared. Five looked around for her, confused, until she reappeared several minutes later, stepping forward enough into the mostly dark room that they could see the silicon toy strapped to her body, bobbing up and down when she marched over to the two of them with purpose. She held a bottle of lube in her hands, only commanding Five once to take off all of his clothes before pouring some into her hands.
He abandoned his clothes quickly, setting his head in Ben’s lap. Vanya climbed over behind him, slapping his ass with the hand that wasn’t slicked up before she hissed out an order for him to relax. Five groaned, slumping against Ben’s lap and sighing when he began to play with his hair. He wasn’t the one that was annoyed with Five, beyond the usual base level of annoyance that he felt towards him (which, to be honest, Ben was entirely justified in having).
Why she chose the couch was beyond him, but, as he realized she had no intentions of leaving it, he shifted to where his back hit one end of it, keeping Five’s head in his lap. He looked up at him in confusion for a few moments before he hissed out, sounding betrayed, “You two are working together on this?”
“I wanted to see Vanya fuck you.” Ben shrugged. “I’m still neutral on the laundry thing, though.”
“You’ve clearly picked a s— ahhh.”
He glanced up to Vanya, expecting to see her fingering him, surprised to see her glowing eyes, which meant she was using her powers on Five somehow.
“Not really sure that prep-by-telekinesis counts,” Ben remarks, petting Five’s hair.
She raised her brows, and Five’s entire body slumped. “I’m aware.”
“You were jerking him off,” he decided. “Why don’t you ever try that with me?”
“Because you’re a prude.”
Five peeked his head up. “What’s taking so long?”
Vanya scowled at him until he set his head back down, pale eyes looking up at Ben pitifully. He leaned down to kiss him, just as their wife quickly warned Five before pressing a finger inside of him.
He groaned low in his throat, and Ben worked at his belt, tugging it off before he worked at the zipper of his trousers. Five didn’t question it, shoving Ben’s briefs down for him and closing his mouth around his cock. When Vanya’s fingers found his prostate, their husband moaned again, the hum it caused prompting Ben to twitch in his mouth. Noticing it, Five looked up at him, humming again deliberately.
“Bastard,” Ben purred affectionately, pulling his hair and guiding his head up and down in a bobbing pattern, watching Vanya as she slipped a second finger inside of Five. “How, exactly, is he supposed to admit that he’s wrong when he’s doing this?”
She frowned, apparently just now realizing one of the many flaws in Operation Humble Five Hargreeves. Finally, she decided, “He won’t get fucked until he admits that he’s in the wrong.”
With a third finger already following the second, Five just pulled off of Ben with a pop and hissed out, “Yeah, sure, I’m wrong. Please fuck me.”
“That didn’t sound genuine.”
“It wasn’t.”
She shrugged, starting to pull away until Five quickly started apologizing, actually managing to sound genuine when the threat of not getting pegged was at stake. Grinning up at Ben, she pumped her fingers in and out of Five, the slick sound of the lube inside of him filling the air, seeming louder than the movie still playing beside them. Ben thumbed at Five’s lips, opening his mouth up again and sinking it back down on himself, careful not to push down hard enough that he gagged.
“Are you ready for my cock?” Vanya asked him, much more sweetly than she had before. Five was wise enough to just nod eagerly, and Ben sincerely hoped that they wouldn’t wreck the house again, curious if they should use this as a method of conflict resolution. She purred out, the praise causing his body to slump down and relax even more, “Good boy.”
The strap slapped down on his thighs before she grabbed it up, holding it in her palm as she stared down at Five. She’d chosen some bright, aqua-colored toy that Ben was certain would irritate Five, who hated fun and thought sex toys should look realistic. Vanya nudged the tip of the toy against him, waiting until he lifted up his head and assured her that he could take it to edge forward. Even with his insistence that he was fine, she entered him slowly. Once she was fully inside of him, Ben commanded Five to take him into his mouth again, glad when he didn’t argue.
He let his eyes close, thrusting into Five’s mouth and thankful for the whines that the toy caused their husband to let out, as they were propelling him closer and closer to climax. Vanya rocked her hips at a steady, brutal pace that Five tended to prefer, always requesting it of either of them when he bottomed, very against receiving orgasms that took forever to come and not minding if it hurt a little in consequence. Ben would have been inclined to fuck him more slowly when he was acting like a brat, but he could tell by the way that Vanya bit her lip to mask her moans that the toy was hitting her clit just as roughly.
Ben beckoned her forward, and she came easily, mouth opening to meet his own in a sloppy, wet kiss. He started to slip his tongue between her lips, but Five started to pull away again, like he was about to complain. “Keep going,” he grunted out, and Vanya snorted as she moved back enough that the position wasn’t as awkward for Five. Green eyes met his, looking pleadingly up at him enough that praise fell from Ben’s lips, going back to gently stroking his hair as he’d done before. Vanya’s hand fell between Five’s legs, jerking him off as she pounded into him, eyes closing in pleasure again.
He started watching her again, staring at her tits bouncing as she plunged into Five, the steady rhythm quickly dissolving into something a little more choppy as she began to focus on her own release. Ben’s own was fastly approaching, and, just as he was about to warn Five that he was close, Vanya’s eyes opened up, glowing white. Without managing to tell Five, he spilled into his throat, grateful when he only swallowed it up and pulled away, wiping at the corners of his mouth with the back of his arm.
Breathing heavily, he wondered what Vanya was doing to Five. The look she’d given him had promised that she would try it in the future, apparently either deciding that he wasn’t a prude or that she could change him. His head tilted back, pulling Five’s hair just as his body tensed up. Ben frowned at the realization they were going to have to clean up Five’s cum from the couch, but he was quickly distracted by Vanya pulling out. He could tell just by looking at her that she still hadn’t come, so he abandoned his worries about cleaning up, deciding that he’d do so once they were both asleep, and helped her take Five to their bedroom, already trying to decide how he’d finish her off.
Five eyes drooped as they walked to their bedroom, fucked out enough that he’d admitted he couldn’t teleport in this state. She grinned, pushing him down on their bed, about to climb in beside him when Ben grabbed her arms.
“You didn’t come.”
It wasn’t a question. She raised her brows, giggling as he lifted her up easily. Five, clearly about to fall asleep, watched the two of them without a word.
Ben deposited her down on the bed, lifting her legs up until the backs of her knees were hooked to the backs of his shoulders. Five crawled over to them, apparently awake enough to set her head in his lap and stroke her cheek, not saying anything but offering her a sleepy smile. She turned her head enough to kiss his hand, which caused his smile to grow, eyes filled with a tenderness that still always stunned her to see from him.
Before she could comment on it, though, Ben’s tongue wedged itself into her cunt, and she yelped. Five shuddered a little at the sound, looking a lot more awake than moments before. Just as Ben’s hand reached up, likely to finger at her clit while he ate her out, it stilled.
With a grin, Ben pulled away.
“Wh… What are you doing, Ben?”
“Admit that you’re also wrong about the laundry thing.”
She gaped at him, stunned that he would be so cruel but also impressed by his moxie. Ben didn’t move an inch, chin slick from her soaked pussy. Because of how worked up she’d gotten from pegging Five and how on edge she was and how little she wanted to jerk off pitifully in the bathroom, Vanya was inclined to just take the loss. So, she did, saying, “Five and I were both in the wrong.”
“Five already said he was wrong,” Ben told her, clearly delighting in the fact that the tables had been turned on her. Perhaps the fact that they were married had tainted her gauge of what got her wet, as she couldn’t imagine a couple that had just gotten together would have fucked this much over laundry.
(Though, seriously, who the fuck would take out somebody’s wet clothes from the dryer to put in their own a little faster? Regardless of whether or not Five had had no clean clothes and needed to get to work in a few hours, Vanya’s clothes could have easily mildewed from his own lack of preparedness.)
“You’re really debating just jerking off instead of admitting that you were wrong to use the washer when you knew I had to use it for work and even told you that I would need it, aren’t you?” Five asked, eyes widening as he seemed to read her mind. “I can’t believe this!”
Ben groaned, realizing his mistake in bringing this back up after they’d reached a truce.
“You still could have at least hung up my stuff to air dry the rest of the time,” Vanya sputtered. “Do you know how expensive bras are, Five?”
“You have the inheritance of a billionaire!”
“Both of you stop right this instant.”
Five and Vanya exchanged a glance, apparently equally turned on by Ben ordering them around.
“Apologize to each other.”
“I can’t decide if this is kinky for leaning into Vanya and I being siblings or because you’re ordering us around like you’re our father,” Five snarked, and she unsuccessfully tried to hide her laugh. Ben only rolled his eyes, exasperated but still fond of them, despite his best efforts. “Vanya, I’m sorry for taking your clothes out of the dryer.”
“I’m sorry for ignoring you when you told me you would need to use the washer and dryer.”
His eyes flashed, probably about to point out that he knew that she’d heard him when he told her, but Ben beckoned him forward. Five shot her a sly grin before blinking to where he was beside him.
“Is this our new way to handle conflicts together?”
“If you make a daddy kink joke, I will slap you.”
“Jokes on you, being slapped around in the formative years of puberty by our actual father would make me inclined to enjoy that.”
“You’re disgusting.”
Five kissed him, lips lingering over his mouth. Vanya watched them impatiently, already about to look for her vibrator when he murmured to him, “You love it.”
“Whore.”
“Prude.”
“You’ll regret saying that in about thirty minutes.”
“Are either of you going to eat me out?” Vanya interrupted, aware that they would keep going if she didn’t stop them and also remembering that her favorite vibrator wasn’t charged. She wasn’t going to masturbate with her fingers, like some sixteenth century peasant. “I’m dying over here.”
They glanced at one another. She figured out pretty easily where their line of thinking was going, spreading her legs and sighing when Ben’s mouth started kissing at her knee and Five’s went straight for her cunt, tongue sliding inside of her with the confidence of having done this many times before. Ben reached up, finally giving attention to her swollen and throbbing clit, and she slumped down against the pillows, watching the two of them with a small smile.
If Ben did intend to solve problems this way in the future, she couldn’t say that she had a problem with it. Five was annoying enough that they’d probably spend the rest of her lives constantly fucking to keep them from fighting.