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The deck sways beneath my feet as I stare at a night despoiled of stars, tracing the sleek white wood of the ship with twitching fingers. Peering down, the restless waves now hurl us to and fro in anger, as a great beast swats its tail over the wandering lice on its hide. The cries of the Sea cannot drown the ones yet swelling in my mind and I lean forward, grasping the embellished edge until it moans in my grip.
“It had to be done.”
I start from my meandering, glancing at Father. He stands at my side, straight and tense, the harsh winds snapping at his messy hair. He says nothing else, and I cannot speak; for the biting guilt such as I’ve never known before, for my misery, for the love I bear him.
Time passes, silent but for the creaking of the swanship’s innards.
“I still see their faces.” I could never hide from him. The need to curl in a forgotten den in Aman’s wild forests, away from it all, seizes me with such power my mind darkens, and suddenly I yearn for the embrace of hostile waters that once lapped gleefully at my ankles.
His hand burns on my shoulder. Useless tears prick my eyes. His voice is hoarse, void of spirit; unlike him. “As do I, Nelyo.”
I am my father’s son. He cannot hide from me, either.