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Sang-woo laid on the floor of his house; the house he had bought when he and Gi-hun were at the most wonderful stage of their relationship; when happiness and joy were all they could experience on their every day.
Artistic and philosophic like they were, their shared home had the tiniest of details that screamed their name in capital letters; rooms and designs they had made themselves, colors and unique textures, artworks Gi-hun had brought from his apartment. The tip of Sang-woo’s fingers slowly traced the fine, visible line of the dark, wooden floor he was seating on; so soft and inoffensive only an idiot could get a splinter from.
“씨발!” Gi-hun shouted from the living room, Sang-woo racing to his side from his studio, his lover’s scream of pain audible even with headphones on.
Arriving at the source of the noise, Sang-woo couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped from his mouth at the sight of Gi-hun lying on the ground rubbing his foot with the most adorable pout on his pinkish lips.
“What happened, baby?” The younger man asked as if he’d just arrived, Gi-hun’s annoyed frown turning into pure sorrow.
“I have a splinter on my foot…” He whispered, looking up to Sang-woo with his eyes shining with unshed tears.
God, how could anyone be so handsome, yet extremely adorable at the same time?
Smiling gently, the younger man reassured, “Oh, my poor Gi-hun-hyung, let me take a look.” Consequently, he lowered himself to his knees, taking his lover’s right ankle and raising his foot, spotting the discomforting intruder almost immediately.
As Sang-woo focused on getting the tiny fragment of wood from Gi-hun’s foot, the latter didn’t hold the tears in his eyes anymore, the concentration and caring on Sang-woo’s brown eyes not failing to touch the most sensitive fiber of his soul once more.
“Only an idiot could get a splinter on this wooden floor, being so flat and slippery I dare say,” The older man mumbled, distracting Sang-woo from looking at his tear-stained cheeks.
Laughing softly, Sang-woo pressed a kiss to the elder’s knee, frowning in confusion after noticing the drying tears on Gi-hun’s face. “Why are you crying?”
Shaking his head, he looked anywhere but the younger man’s face, his lips quivering, “It was a stupid splinter.”
“So?” The dark-haired questioned, brushing his thumb under Gi-hun’s eye. “You were in pain, alright? I’ve told you it’s okay to make mistakes like this, as stupid as you think they are.” He comforted the taller man, his hand emigrating from his face to his growing hair, playing with it.
Gi-hun then ever-so-slowly let his forehead fall against the muscular shoulder, needing to feel his boyfriend’s presence close to his body; his breath against his ear, the melodic beating of his wonderful heart; the warmth of his strong arms encircling him.
Sang-woo smiled at the remembrance, something inside of him breaking after realizing perhaps every wonderful moment they spent was just that from now on: a memory. In moments like this, he thought maybe his unchanging attitude was what lead them to an abysm they wouldn’t be able to come out afloat.
His heart ached when Gi-hun’s hunched body seating on the sofa appeared before his eyes, hands covering his face as sobs rocked his body, watching himself standing beside him.
“How can you be so selfish, Sang-woo? Is my love for you not enough?” Gi-hun asked, aggressively wiping away the tears streaming down his face. “I asked you a goddamn question and you better answer me.”
Sang-woo didn’t remember how that argument started, probably something related to the endless hours and days he spent far from home; between long shifts at the office and last-minute foreign trips. But he did remember was what he said to his partner afterward, convicting their relationship.
“One doesn’t live on love, hyung,” He said in a low whisper, meeting Gi-hun's bloodshot eyes. “Can you imagine if that was the case? I’d be living in the streets right now.”
The older man scoffed, getting up from the sofa. “You never change, don’t you? Is it so hard for you to stop for a moment and think about me as well?”
“What about you?” Sang-woo asked back, facing him. “I give you everything you need and more, look around you, Gi-hun! Look at everything we have!” He gestured with his hands, pointing to all the things they have bought together.
“I don’t want it, Sang-woo, for fuck’s sake!” Gi-hun exploded, kicking a nearby trashcan as hard as he could. “I don’t want your money, I don’t want these luxuries, none of this!”
“Then what the fuck do you want?!”
“You!” The older man sentenced, grabbing the younger man by his suit jacket. “Can’t you realize how long has passed since the last time we’ve spent two continuous hours in the same house? I’ve been living with the ghost of you for months, Sang-woo.”
“I love you, Sang-woo, don’t you love me as well?”
Sang-woo froze in his place, gazing with wide eyes at his boyfriend’s face mere inches from his. Gi-hun stared at him with an intense look in his shaking orbs, waiting – hoping the younger man said those words back. The faith he’d kept for all those weeks finally burning out.
“You know what? Fuck this, and fuck you Cho Sang-woo.” Gi-hun grumbled as a solitary tear streamed down his face, shoving him off and leaving their house, banging the door behind his back.
Tears pricked his eyes, and before he could stop them, he was already sobbing. Sang-woo hugged himself tightly, eyes pressed shut and muttering under his breath the comforting words Gi-hun would whisper to his ear if he was there.
“No… no, no, no!” Shouting tore Gi-hun awake, Sang-woo kicking the duvet off of him as he sobbed and thrashed beside him.
Jumping into action, Gi-hun put both hands on Sang-woo’s shoulders, holding him in place. “It’s okay, Sang-woo, you’re safe, I’m right here with you.”
Nightmares weren’t something they often talked about, the younger man suffering from them after several traumatizing experiences through his adulthood. But Gi-hun learned with time how to react to them, knowing panicking was the last thing he should do; reassuring his partner becoming his top priority.
Stroking his hair with tenderness, Gi-hun waited for the episode to dissipate on its own, resting his hand on Sang-woo’s chest when the younger man inhaled shakily. “You’re okay, I got you.” He whispered, his partner rolling onto his side to press himself against Gi-hun’s chest.
Sang-woo held onto him, still feeling shaken up by the very vivid nightmare he went through. Just when his mind threatened to wander around said dream again, Gi-hun’s soothing voice dragged him back. “Wherever you go, I’ll follow. I’ll chase you to the gates of Hell if necessary because there’s no me if there’s no you.” The older man mumbled, hushing him when a small sob broke loose. “I will always be here to catch you before you fall.”
The younger man fell asleep that way, secured in Gi-hun’s arms with his voice lulling him into deep peacefulness, grateful he didn’t dream of dreadful events anymore; grotesque images replaced with Gi-hun’s warm smile.
How could he be so stupid? Assuming Gi-hun, his Gi-hun would be satisfied with material things to repay all the time they’ve lost; money would remedy his misery and pain. Sang-woo looked through the window the beautiful sight of the heart of Seoul shining brightly under the stars, collecting enough courage to go find Gi-hun before it was too late.
Lost in his thoughts, Sang-woo doesn’t notice the front door opening, Gi-hun walking towards him after removing his shoes.
“Sang-woo-ah,”
The younger man flinched at Gi-hun’s voice, confused and concerned he might be losing his mind because there was no way Gi-hun was standing in front of him, dressed in a simple cotton sweater and dark jeans. Beautiful as ever.
“Hyung,” Sang-woo muttered, relief and uneasiness overpowering him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” The younger man finally breaks, squirming on the ground until he’s hugging Gi-hun’s leg like a toddler.
The older man sits on the floor, gathering Sang-woo’s trembling body in his arms once he’s on arms reach, feeling hot tears falling on his exposed neck. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted, Gi-hun,” Sang-woo sobs, holding handfuls of Gi-hun’s white sweater. “But I was so stupid, I was so –”
Gi-hun’s hands cup his face, caressing his chapped lips with his thumb, glaring at him like he’s the most wonderful person in the universe; well, he was in Gi-hun’s eyes. “You don’t need to apologize, I shouldn’t have left the way I did either.” The older man murmurs, closing his eyes when their foreheads meet.
“I love you, Gi-hun.” Sang-woo whimpers, brushing his lips gently against Gi-hun’s. “I’ve always loved you.”
Gi-hun kisses him at his words, Sang-woo instantly straddling him, feeling the older man’s hands settle on his lower back. Sang-woo’s fingers yanking the neck of his sweater, Gi-hun gets rid of it, doing the same with the younger man’s now wrinkled plain T-shirt.
They leave a long trail of clothes on their way to the main bedroom, falling onto the mattress without letting go of their hold. Sang-woo feels a rollercoaster of emotions in his head, but the aching desire of being taken by Gi-hun runs through his veins. He roams his hands over Gi-hun’s toned abdomen, brushing with his fingertips a long scar on his ribcage, treasuring it.
Biting onto his bottom lip for the last time, Gi-hun starts kissing his way down Sang-woo’s chest, leaving love bites on any skin visible, smiling at the way the younger man is gasping his name. He licks the forming sweat on his lover’s torso, while he lifted his left hand to Sang-woo’s open mouth, introducing his index and middle finger in the slick warmth.
And when Gi-hun withdraws them and links their hands together with his free one, Sang-woo finally allows his mind to not think of anything at all.
Sang-woo wakes up to the sound of birds whistling outside, two strong arms holding him from behind, a hot and regular breath trickling onto his neck.
A smile blooms on his face, leaning back to the warm body enveloping him, feeling for the first time in a long time the company of his partner as the sun rose.
He stays still when he feels Gi-hun moving, their naked legs brushing under the soft blanket.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Gi-hun cheers him, his voice deep with sleep and tiredness.
Sang-woo twists so they are face to face, chuckling at Gi-hun’s ruffled hair falling over his half-opened eyes. The younger man brushes it off to the sides so he can stare at his partner’s face in all its natural, breathtaking glory.
“Good morning, hyung.” He mumbles as he closed his eyes, feeling Gi-hun kissing him sloppily with an arm draped over his waist, stroking his side slowly. Fuck morning breath.
Gi-hun lays his head back against the pillow, sighing. “We need to talk.” He says, Sang-woo’s body stiffening at his words, several scenarios forming in his head in a matter of seconds. Amending his mistake, Gi-hun presses a kiss to Sang-woo’s forehead, keeping his lips close to the younger man’s head so he doesn’t run away. “Not now, tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Sang-woo inquires, feeling confused.
“Yes, tomorrow,” Gi-hun confirms, pulling Sang-woo’s body closer to him so they are chest to chest. “Because all I want to do today is stay in bed with you.”
The weight in his chest eases, and Sang-woo melts onto the older man’s embrace, hiding on the crook of his neck so Gi-hun can’t see the immense blush on his cheeks. “Hyung, I’m numb from the waist down, please have mercy on me.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Gi-hun laughs, stifling a yawn against his fist. “I missed this; us,” He corrects with his hand sliding up and down Sang-woo’s spine, resting his cheek on top of his head. “I think last night was the proof we needed to know we both want the same.”
He waits for Sang-woo to reply – or just say anything regarding his thoughts, the sound of soft drizzle plummeting onto the closed windows in the room. Gi-hun leans back a little, looking at Sang-woo’s calm face propped on his left shoulder, snoring softly.
A lovely smile tugs the corner of his lips, and the older man rolls onto his back, Sang-woo’s limp body following him, pillowing his head on Gi-hun’s chest. Wrapping an arm around Sang-woo’s shoulders, Gi-hun’s eyes fall shut once more, feeling relieved there was still hope for their relationship.