Chapter Text
Renjun has always questioned his position in the group's relationship. He knows in the back of his mind that everyone really truly loves him and that they don't intentionally leave him out.
But after he has been in the relationship for a while, he noticed how if he didn't go to anyone first, then they would just not acknowledge him.
For example, the oldest would always baby everyone else and would seek out to go cuddle the ones younger than themselves. But they never seem to ever want to come and cuddle him.
Or how the youngest in the group loved to go bother the ones older than themselves with pranks and such. But they just never seem to want to bother him.
Don't get him wrong, he is grateful for how well they treat him and how they can make him laugh and feel loved. But he is not blind when he sees how everyone is always paired up.
Just like now, Renjun walks around the house looking for someone to spend time with late at night. He had been trying to sleep in his bed but he found it too quiet and cold in the room without his lover/roommate Jeno.
So he walks along the first floor and opens the first door that belongs to Jaehyun and Jungwoo. He is quiet as he peaks in and looks for someone to give him attention. What he sees makes his heart pick up but also drop at the same time.
Jaehyun and Taeyong are cuddling on one bed asleep and in the bed, right across have Mark and Jungwoo facing each other dead asleep. Not wanting to disturb them, he closed the door and moved on to the next room.
He found the next two rooms empty but the fourth one he opened was in the same state as the first but with different people. Yuta was on his back sleeping with a Winwin cuddled up to him. The bed across had a Tail and Doyoung was in a similar position.
Renjun was about to close the door but stopped when he heard a whisper of his name, "injunie?"
He opens the door once again to see Winwin sitting up with tired and confused eyes. "What are you doing up?" he asked with confusion as he looked to the smaller boy.
Renjun looks to the older and hesitated before saying, "I was just seeing if anyone was up, sorry to wake you."
With that, Renjun quickly left with a guilty heart at waking up one of his boyfriends just because he wanted attention. Winwin sat looking at the door, feeling a spark of worry that he soon forgot about when Yuta pulled him back down onto the bed.
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Renjun decided to just go back to his room so he doesn't bother anybody else with his needy mood. As he is about to walk back into his darkroom, he hears quiet laughter from down the hall.
He slowly makes his way down to the source of the noise and peaks his head around the door frame to see what's happening. When he looks in his heart shatters even further with longing.
Jeno was sat on Jaemin's bed with said boy in his lap as they watched a funny video on one of their phones. On the opposite bed, Donghyuck and Yangyang were facing each other with a pile of cards between themselves and some in their hands.
Then his eyes further to the desk where Jisung sat on his game console with his headphones on and a hand on the mouse. The other hand was occupied with Chenle's hair as the smaller was curled up in his lap half asleep.
He felt tears come to his eyes at the feeling he gets when seeing how they all were able to be with someone else.
Renjun made his way back to his room and softly closed his door before going to his bed in the almost dark room, the small nightlight he keeps over his headboard only giving him a little help in seeing where he was.
He lays his head on the pillow in the room and tries to fight back his tears. In the back of his mind, he knows that he could go to anybody right now and ask for attention but the front half of the brain is telling him that he shouldn't bother them with his needs and ruin their time with the others.
So Renjun fell asleep that night alone and feeling sad.
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A few days later, Renjun still had the feeling of craving attention and decided to act on it.
He made his way to the first person he thought of and opened their door. Donghyuck looks up from his phone at the sound of the door opening but looks back when he sees that it's just Renjun.
"Hey," he said as he kept looking at the thing on the said phone. Renjun said a greeting back before looking at the rest of the room and seeing a sleeping Johnny on the other bed cuddling a sleeping Jaehyun.
Renjun quietly made his way over to the tan male and asked hesitantly, "can we cuddle?" He then watched as Donghyuck let out a hum of approval while still looking at his phone.
The smaller immediately moves from his place and goes onto the bed to lay beside the other. He lays his head on Donghyuck's chest and wraps an arm around his waist to get conferrable.
Renjun tries to be happy with cuddling with the other but can only feel hurt when Donghyuck only pays attention to his phone and not Renjun. But Renjun isn't going to take this for granted and just closes his eyes to try and catch up on some sleep that he has missed.
When he is finally about to drift off, Donghyuck moves and nudges Renjun with his hip. "Hey, it's getting kind of hot. Can you move over?" Donghyuck said as he looked away from his phone for a second to give the other a pleading look.
Renjun moves away and watches as the other gives a quiet thank you before going back on his phone. He decided that he can't just lay next to the other, so he just leaves without Donghyuck noticing.
Renjun guessed that Donghyuck probably was not feeling like having physical affection today, so he just goes to find another person.
He moves down to the first floor and goes to find Sicheng. The older male is always willing to do something with Renjun. He looks through a couple of rooms but finally finds the male in Yuta's room getting ready along with the older.
The small boy walks in and catches the attention of the two taller boys. Yuta turns back to his closet shirtless to continue looking through his wardrobe. He was wearing nice pair of jeans with a belt that showed his pretty figure well.
Sicheng on the other hand moved over to where Renjun was standing and sat down on the bed in front of him with his shirt still unbuttoned. Renjun must have had a sad look on his face because Sicheng asked worriedly, "are you, alright baby?"
Renjun could feel his heart pick up at the pet name that he hasn't been called in a long time, now that he thinks about it.
Before he could get too lost in thought though, he shakes his head as he looks to the other. "I was just wondering if you could cuddle," Renjun says as he looks at the older male hesitantly.
Sicheng lets a frown come onto his face as he grabs the younger softly by the waist and pulls him closer. "I have plans to go eat lunch with Mark and Yuta but if you want, I can always reschedule with them?" he said as he looked at the other with sincerity.
The younger could already feel the guilt start to build in him, so he just decided to not bother them.
"I-it's alright. Don't cancel anything on my account. I can always find someone else to cuddle with," Renjun says as he tries to back away from the taller.
But Sicheng doesn't release his grip and keeps the other between his legs. "Baby, are you sure you're okay with it. They really won't mind if I reschedule," he says reassuringly.
Renjun just shakes his head and tries to put on the best fake smile he can manage. "I'm really fine, you, Yuta, and Mark have a nice dinner," Renjun says as he lifts his arms to rest on Sicheng's broad shoulders.
They both look at each other for a minute before Sigheng lets out a sigh and says, "okay but if you need anything, then call me or text."
Renjun nods at that before he is being moved back slightly because of Sicheng standing up. He then received a kiss on the crown of his head before his waist is being let go of and the taller gets back to getting ready.
When he is about to step out the door, he is being pulled back by his waist and is surprised by it being Yuta. The Japanese man looks a Renjun with a teasing smile before saying, "we're you going to leave without letting me give you a kiss?"
Renjun let out a small giggle before offering his cheek to the other. Yuta smiled as he leaned down a gave the smaller a peck before moving away to let the other move out to the door like he wished to before.
Renjun left a little happier than before and made his way down the hallway and then to the staircase to go to the second floor once again.
He feels a little more hope as he goes to the first door but it is immediately destroyed when he walks in to see the room has four people sleeping in it. Jeno was cuddling Jaemin on his bed while Donghyuck was on the other bed cuddling with Jisung.
Renjun feels pain in his heart at the sight of the tan male cuddling with the larger chicken less than an hour after he made Renjun stop cuddling him.
Renjun closed the door back as he felt tears quickly come up to his eyes as he now makes his way to his room.
He hurriedly shuts the door behind himself as he feels the first tear slip down his cheek. After the first one falls, the rest follow shortly after.
Stumbling to his bed, Renjun tries to muffle his sobs with the sleeve of his hand. He curls up in his bed with his face to the wall, not being able to look at the empty bed across from himself, and cries into his body pillow that he cuddles at night.
Renjun starts to think about why Donghyuck would lie to him. Why do his boyfriends never seem to want his attention? Why do his boyfriends always find other people and not need him?
It's not long till Renjun ends up falling asleep from exhaustion from crying so much.