Work Text:
Leave it to Tony to do something so… Tony. He should have known asking Tony to do one simple task without explicit instructions was just a recipe for disaster. A recipe that Bruce wouldn’t even have to write down on one of his cookbook index cards. There’s no way he’s forgetting, nobody will let him.
Disaster Pie a la Stark
Materials
- A load of white laundry, sorted and ready to be washed
- Hot Rod red boxers belonging to a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist
- Faith in one’s husband
- Asshole coworkers
Instructions
- Before beginning please make sure that all materials are present and that a time crunch is looming. Once that has been completed, begin by asking your husband to wash the load of laundry in the washer.
- IMPORTANT! Make sure to give your husband a reminder of how to start a load of laundry. Since your machine is already preloaded, explain that all he has to do… Is turn the dial and press the button.
- Thank your husband for being such a great help during a time of stress. Then stress that you appreciate all that he does for you. This statement is important since you will be taking it back at a later point.
- Have said husband start load of laundry while you finish your time sensitive lab work
- The next morning, go to retrieve your white lab coat from your load of white laundry that your husband completed.
- Discover a load of laundry filled with pale pink dress shirts, pale pink lab coats, and one pair of boxer-briefs.
- This is the part in the recipe where you can choose to take back your earlier statement of appreciation. You can save this step for the end of the recipe if that works better for you. Remember that this is your disaster and you can change things as needed.
- Stare in disbelief.
- Decide that there is simply no time to dwell on this nor is there time to file for divorce.
- Bicker with your husband as you toss on your lab coat and leave for work.
- Deal with comments from your coworker all day about the state of your lab coat. These comments can range from “Oh I didn’t realize we worked at the Crayola Color Lab” to remarks like “So you decided to be both Pinky and the Brain today.”
- Now that your disaster is fully cooked you can dust it with some self pity and anguish as desired.
Doctor Bruce Banner sat in the staff break room, head in his hands as he leant forward and stared at the ground. All he wanted was a normal day at work yet he married the least normal man he could find.
Tony Stark, the heir to the Stark Industries throne, a man who doesn’t bother checking the washing machine before tossing in his undergarments and starting the wash. A man who then sees a load of wet pink laundry and decides to not tell his partner, but to instead remain silent and order takeout from said partners favorite Thai restaurant before throwing the laundry into the dryer.
If this was Bruce from ten years ago, he might have turned into a big green rage monster at this point in the day. He might have stormed right out of the Research and Development Department of Stark Industries and marched his way right up to his husband's office, ranting and raving. There were a lot of possibilities of what he might have done back then.
He is a different man now. A man who has ten years of experience on his belt when it comes to techniques that help him remain calm and somewhat rational. Instead of causing a scene for the entirety of S.I employees to see he decides that he is a calm rational man who is capable of being the bigger man in any given situation no matter how disastrous it is.
Being the bigger man can be shown with a multitude of different actions. Some might show it by walking away from an argument. Others might offer forgiveness before it is even asked of them. Bruce thinks that all of those options are gallant in their own right, but decides that there are other options to choose from.
Options that involve finishing work and going to the nearest hardware store before heading home before his husband. Options that involve one Tony Stark entering his workshop to find a haphazardly spray painted Barbie pink Iron Man suit. Next to the suit is a small note, written in handwriting he has memorized by heart.
Now we can match
Much Love,
Bruce Banner-Stark