Work Text:
June 14th, 1976
Narcissa stood on the balcony as she watched Lucius walk the dogs through the gardens; the sunset casting a nice glow over the grounds. He paused and turned to look at her, smiling a bit. She smiled back and giving him a small wave, making sure it didn’t wane until his back was turned again. She sighed, walking back to the bedroom, and lying down; her hand briefly resting against her stomach, cruelly reminding herself that she wasn’t carrying. It had been almost three years to the day, since she had miscarried her first child; and eight months since she had lost her second. Some wife you are, she thought bitterly, her body curling up in the sheets. Can’t even provide a child for him…
They had been married for almost four years. Four blissful years, that had flown by too fast for them. Lucius, had been a wonderful husband. Being particularly supportive during each loss. Lately, though, she’s had to once again withdraw from him. His gentle touch only brought hurt; his loving whisper, a stab in her heart. The worst part was, she hated herself for pulling away from him; he didn’t deserve her withdraw, didn’t deserve this kind of neglect. Especially when he didn’t do anything wrong.
Tears stung her eyes, and a sob escaped her throat. She buried her face into the pillow, allowing her tears to fall. A touch on her shoulder caused her to flinch out of her thoughts, and she turned to see Lucius beside her. A glance toward the balcony told her night had fallen, and the fire had just been mended. How long have I been lying here?
Lucius kept his hand placed on her shoulder, until she couldn’t stand it anymore, twitching free of him. Her heart twisted at the action, but she couldn’t stop herself. He sighed softly, and she felt the bed shift as he laid down next to her. “I wish,” he whispered, his fingers gently caressing the long blonde and brunette tendrils. “You would tell me what is torturing you.”
“I wish I could too,” she whispered back, her voice faltering as she struggled to remain stoic.
Lucius inched closer to her. There was some hesitation, but then she felt his hand on her hip. She tensed slightly, but after a moment, relaxed again. He slowly added more pressure, and she knew he was waiting to see her reaction. When she didn’t pull away, he positioned himself mere centimeters from her. “When you’re ready, Flower.”
Narcissa’s lip trembled a bit, then she placed her hand on his, stroking it gently. She then pulled his hand higher, placing it over her heart.
⨒⨒⨒
Lucius woke up early the next morning, just as the sun began peeking through the window of the balcony. His hand was barely touching his wife’s back, probably because he shifted during the night. He thought about trying to rouse her, but then thought better of it. In his opinion, she was sleeping too much; however, every time he's tried to press the issue, she would cover it with a smile and say she was fine; and if pressed her too hard, he knew she would likely shut down further. Instead, he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I love you, Flower,” he whispered in her ear.
Making sure he didn’t disturb her as he got out of bed, changing into some casual clothes. He walked out of the chamber, apparating downstairs into the foyer. “Dobby,” he called.
“Y-yes Master Lucius?” Dobby stuttered.
“Make sure my wife isn’t disturbed,” he ordered. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
⨒⨒⨒
As Narcissa awoke, she looked over her shoulder to see Lucius gone. Of course he is, she thought, getting up from the bed. It’s probably mid day, she thought harshly, walking to the wardrobe and finding something simple to wear. She didn’t have much energy to worry about wearing something extravagant; but, a simple sun dress would suffice. Especially since they weren’t expecting any visitors. She didn’t bother with makeup, she was probably going to cry it off with what today was. Pulling her hair back into a simple beret, she walked out onto the balcony.
The sun felt warm on her skin, making her feel a bit drowsy, but she continued to the edge. In the distance, she could see the horses grazing with the yearlings; and she quickly averted her gaze to the Secret Garden. The lone figure of her husband sat on the bench, reading a book. Frowning slightly, she apparated to the garden. “You’re finally up,” Lucius spoke, not looking up from his book. “I hope Dobby didn’t disturb you.”
“He didn’t,” Narcissa replied softly. Though his phrase could easily be seen as sarcastic, there was nothing but warmth in his voice. She relaxed a bit, walking toward the two Christmas Roses. “Don’t suppose you have control over the sun?”
“Afraid I’m not that powerful,” he replied, closing the book, and placing it on the bench.
“What are you doing out here?” She asked, eyeing him out of the corner of her eye.
“The same as you, I hope,” he replied, slowly approaching her. “I just didn’t want to start without you…” He was able to get within an inch of her, placing a fingertip on her shoulder; but she quickly twitched away. He sighed, and she winced. “Narcissa, before we start, I need to know: am I making you unhappy?”
Narcissa quickly whirled on her heel, stunned he would ask such a thing. “No,” she replied incredulously. “No, you make me very happy. I would argue I’ve been the happiest woman alive since we married…” she faltered, as she gazed at the Roses, not daring to finish the sentence.
“Then why are you so haunted?” Lucius demanded, his voice cracking a bit. Narcissa’s heart ached as she saw the pain in his eyes; the struggle of not being able to do anything to help her. He reached out to her, his hands inches from her shoulders. “What’s troubling you so? If I have done—”
“That’s it, Lu,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “It’s not you… it’s me. I’m a failure to you as a wife. I can’t provide you with the heir you need to continue your bloodline…” her eyes squeezed shut, as she fought the urge to breakdown and cry.
“Don’t ever say that to me again,” Lucius countered harshly. “You are not a failure to me! Yes, we’re struggling to have heirs, but that doesn’t fall on you directly.”
“Doesn’t it?” Narcissa demanded. “I’ve only felt comfortable letting you make love to me a handful of times since Halloween.”
“And I understand why, Narcissa! Damn my Father and his demands, I’m not going to force myself on you— nor do I want you to pretend you enjoy yourself, when the reality is that you’re miserable.”
“How—“ she began, her face flustered.
“Because it is far more enjoyable when you’re actually happy.” Lucius took a slight step forward, his hand gently caressing her cheek. She didn’t bother pulling away, actually finding a bit of comfort in his touch this time; a tear escaping from her eyelid.
“You want to know what the worst part is?” She whispered, leaning into his touch. He started testing the waters, cupping her jaw with both hands.
“Tell me, Flower.”
“I’ve hated myself for withdrawing from you,” she whispered, grasping his wrist. “I want to give in to your touch; I want to make love to you as enthusiastically as we did our second time… but, I’m scared. I’m scared of all the uncertainty floating around with the war; I’m scared of losing you to another woman…” she paused, trying to gather her thoughts. “And I hate myself for feeling all this fear…”
Lucius wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him; feeling his chest against her head, she finally released all the emotions she was feeling with a sharp sob. “Let me share your burden,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly as she felt his hot tears drip to her forehead. “Please, Flower.”
She felt her knees buckle as another sob wracked her body. Slowly, Lucius helped her to the ground; rubbing her back, as she finally able to feel safe in his arms; absorbing his scent as she felt a bit of weight lifted from her chest. “Cry, Flower,” Lucius murmured, continuing his caresses. He stayed there, continuing hold her and soothe her, until her cries finally subsided.
Narcissa remained in his arms, absorbing his touch; allowing it to anchor her back in the present. “It’s been three years,” Lucius murmured softly.
She nodded slowly, pulling herself up a bit as Lucius cradled her. “I wonder who he would’ve taken after,” she whispered wistfully, smiling as the sun kissed her face; drying her tears.
“Physically?” Lucius replied proudly, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Me. He would’ve had your senses, though.”
A smile broke through her lips, as she shifted so her back was against his chest. “I think he would’ve been far more sensible than I am.”
“Blasphemy,” Lucius murmured, placing a golden charm in her hand.
⨒⨒⨒
Later that night, Narcissa laid curled up in her husband’s embrace. He smiled, caressing her cheek. Her brown gaze meeting his steel grey ones. “How are we going to move forward?” He asked, his fingers trailing up to just below her eye.
“I don’t know, Lu,” she replied, sighing. “I… can’t make any promises on my mood rapidly improving; but, I do know that if you’re patient, and willing, we can get through this together.”
He kissed her forehead, brushing back her hair; his other arm snaking behind her body and pulling her close. “‘Til Death do us part,” he whispered in her ear.
She smiled as she pulled back slightly, shifting to her side within his embrace; his arms squeezing around her waist.