Archive of Our Own

Hoofprints On My Heart

Inspired By:
Light-Footed by: Lokincest
small and little and held by: Lokincest

Disclaimer: All mistakes are my own as this has not been beta’d. I do not own any of Marvel’s characters, nor do I have any claim to the Norse mythology itself.

Note: Go gentle please, this is the first fic I've posted to the archive despite years of writing them, but constructive criticism is always welcome.

Happy reading!

...

Thor was not expecting for his coronation to proceed so quickly after delivering Loki and the Tesseract home to Asgard and despite his protests Father would hear none of it.

He wasn’t sure he was particularly ready to take the responsibility of the crown anymore, Loki’s fall and subsequent crimes against Midgard had left him feeling shaken in a way he’d never experienced before.

The only thing Thor counted as a blessing was that Father set Loki’s punishment such that now he’s only bound to the palace grounds and his seidr is limited by cuffs around his wrists for the next century, which will make his life a little easier so that hopefully if he won’t have to go chasing the Trickster down all the time. Thor missed his brother terribly and it gives him great comfort to know that now he will be kept safe, though he doubts his brother sees it as such.

In the moment that Father places a newly forged and slightly embellished version of his winged helm upon his head as he kneels at the foot of the throne Thor can’t help but reflect on how much he was looking forward to this at his last coronation and how now it merely feels as if he has been weighted down with a great burden to carry with him always.

Standing before the cheering crowd Thor smiles and holds Mjölnir aloft, but on the inside he feels so very heavy and he wonders what ever made him think he was cut out for this in the first place.

A flash of black and green near a pillar in the corner of Thor’s eye catches his attention, and though he doesn’t acknowledge it visibly his mind cannot but help to, and suddenly Thor remembers why he ever thought he was fit to rule.

It all comes down to his brother Loki, just as everything always does with him.

Without his brother Thor felt as if he had lost a limb, but this phantom that haunts the palace is hardly any better and Thor misses him terribly.

Thor misses his wit and sarcasm, his sharp tongue and sweet lies, his cutting insults and sighed frustrations, his wise council and snarky opinions. He misses everything about his brother, he always knew what to say to take Thor’s mind off of things or guide him in the right direction, and only now without him can Thor admit if only to himself that Loki is the true source of his strength and it hurts so much to be without him at his side where he belongs.

At the feast Thor finally gets a better look at Loki considering he’s been forced to attend by Father and probably heavily coerced by Mother, but all he could wish for is five minutes alone with his brother to just ask after him and his health since he hasn’t had a moment to himself since Loki’s sentencing.

Instead after everyone has tucked into the feast Father pulls Thor’s attention away from Loki by saying, “I have a gift for you my son.”

Thor looks at Odin a bit perplexedly and watches the aged once king draw a silver chain up from over his head with a slender whistle hanging from it and offer it to him.

Thor knows what it is immediately: Sleipnir’s call.

“Father I cannot possibly…” Thor starts to protest.

“Nonsense,” Odin interrupts taking Thor’s hand and placing the whistle in it as he says, “Sleipnir is the only mount fit for the King of Asgard, therefore I am passing him onto you.”

“Róta is a perfectly good mount,” Thor mumbles, but it’s drowned out by Loki suddenly shoving away from the table and leaving in a swirl of black and green.

When Thor makes a move to get up Mother sets a gentle hand on his arm and murmurs, “Leave him be son, your interference will only make it worse tonight.”

Thor sighs sadly and stares at the whistle for a moment before taking his helmet off and slipping the chain on over his head, tucking it under his breastplate and shirt, and then replacing his helmet.

He still can’t ignore the hollow ache in his chest nor the heaviness in his heart for the rest of the feast left by Loki’s sudden departure, and he wonders if he has truly lost his brother forever.

That night Thor sits in his chambers nursing a mug of ale as he ponders Loki’s abrupt departure wondering if it was his coronation or Father’s gift that set him off the most.

He thinks Loki is probably upset about Sleipnir as he has always known that one day he would wear the crown, and Thor can’t really blame him for it considering he trained him from the moment he was foaled for Father.

Thor’s slumber is even more unrestful than usual as it seems peace is no longer meant to be his.

Chapter 2

Weeks pass and the duties of the throne weigh heavy on Thor’s shoulders. He dislikes the politics of it all, and while he is grateful for Father’s counsel he isn’t his father and he doesn’t want to be the same kind of king he was.

Thor sees hide nor hair of Loki except for quick flashes of the tails of a black coat disappearing around corners and he feels his sadness become a steady ache in his chest, for he isn’t whole without the Trickster at his side.

His duties are dull at best and trials of his patience at worst, and having sparring matches with his friends only eases his frustrations while his inner turmoil and depression are left to fester.

With some spare time in the early evening Thor heads down to the stables, a place he and Loki used to frequent often together when they were young. It’s a place where he can recall many good memories and times of laughter, and he feels he could use it at the moment.

Thor smiles seeing Róta’s face hanging over the edge of her stall and he calls out for her softly, “Róta!”

The mare’s ears perk and she nickers upon seeing him making Thor’s smile widen in genuine happiness. “How are you my sweet girl?” Thor rumbles as he begins to pet her face and ears lovingly, letting the mare rub all over him affectionately.

“I have missed you darling, I am sorry I have not come to see you,” Thor apologizes, receiving a soft snort and a gentle butt of her nose against his broad chest making him chuckle softly. “Alright, alright, I am a horrible inattentive owner and Loki should skin me alive for neglecting you so, I promise I will be better now because you deserve the best,” Thor reassures getting another snort in return. He goes and retrieves a box of brushes and begins to groom Róta carefully, smiling gently at the sense of nostalgic familiarity that settles upon him as he does.

Róta is beautiful, her coat a beautiful blue black with eyes the same grey of storm clouds, and a long shiny mane and tale as well as long feathers that cover her hooves. Loki helped him train her, actually Loki helped him learn how to ride period, and Thor shakes his head slightly in amusement in remembrance.

He was always too harsh with horses to have any natural touch with them, though not on purpose, it was just that he was easily frustrated by the creatures and could never seem to be able to get them to do what he wanted. It was a source of constant frustration and even embarrassment for him when he was young because he was so good at nearly everything else, despite what Loki said, it was just that he didn’t put his heart into his studies, and it drove him mad that Loki could ride like he was born doing it.

One time he was trying to get a fidgety young bay to stand still while he tried to mount it, but the thing kept shying away from him and running about him in circles. Eventually he became so incensed that he yanked hard on the creature’s reins to make it stop, which in turn only made it more skittish. His attention was more taken up however by someone yanking on his hair hard making him yelp in pain and spin around only to find Loki standing there looking very angry.

He’d yelled at Loki, “What was that for!?” only for the Trickster to snap at him in return, “Well how do you like it being yanked on like some beast?” and for the first time in a long time he’d felt properly ashamed for abusing something so outright.

Loki had helped him quiet the bay so he could get on and that was how the refinement of his riding education started. It was also one of the only times he ever deferred to Loki’s knowledge about anything without complaint, even though he certainly cried out his dissatisfaction with Loki’s teaching methods often enough. When they rode in the woods together or through the fields Loki would carry a switch of willow with him and smack him on the hands every time he was too rough with one of the more rambunctious creatures. Then if he kicked a slow one too hard he’d hit him on the leg as well leaving welts as reminders.

He finally learned his lesson about being careless with how much leg he used when Loki spent an entire court meeting jabbing him in the ribs with his fingers nearly driving him crazy because he couldn’t just smack him in the middle of it and disrupt everything. Afterwards when he’d pinned Loki against the wall completely ready to give his brother a piece of his mind Loki had asked him how he liked being ridden with an overly aggressive leg and he was forced to admit defeat again, though he never said so to Loki.

Thor’s smile becomes fond as he begins to brush Róta’s tail and reminisces on how he came to have her in the first place. She’d been a gift to him from the Queen of Vanaheimr to honor his coming of age, but Loki was the one to help him break her, and he was very careful indeed to adhere firmly to Loki’s instruction so as to not teach her any bad habits and have her trust from the start.

The time he spent with Loki in the stables and riding are some of the best he has of his brother even if his time spent there included being called an oaf, idiot, moron, brute, or any variation thereof, a lot more than usual. He’s always admired Loki’s gift with animals and the time spent here was probably one of the only times he can recall his brother being openly affectionate with anything in front of him. But if there’s any one thing he cherishes about riding it’s that he thinks it may be one of the only things Loki might be proud of him for.

Thor’s smile slips from his face as he thinks about the crack in the ground that had always been between him and his brother and how he doesn’t even know when it managed to become a canyon seemingly overnight. He knows that isn’t true, because if he’d bothered to pay attention he would have been able to see how much Loki had pulled away from him, just how much he had really lost him before his fall.

Róta bumps his shoulder with her nose making him look over at her and he smiles sadly before asking, “How about I take you out for a bit to graze, does that sound good?” The mare’s ears perk and his smile doesn’t feel so fake anymore as he moves to put the brushes away and get her halter.

After an hour of grazing Róta Thor feels the best he has in a good long while, his mind not so tormented and troubled both with things he can and can’t change. He returns Róta to her stall and fetches her an apple from the barrel that is always there near the grooming supplies and gives it to her, petting her face as she eats it. When she’s done he scratches her ears and kisses her forehead with a promise to start coming to see her more often before taking his leave.

As he walks down the aisle he pauses at Sleipnir’s stall at the end. Looking in on the big grey stallion he finds him to be dozing, two legs hitched up in a relaxed pose and standing in the corner of his stall. Thor doesn’t know how Loki feels about Sleipnir, but the stallion has always been so majestic and untouchable as Father’s mount, and the instructions to stay away from him are still hard to ignore in his mind.

Thor doesn’t much remember how they came to get Sleipnir as a colt, just that he was there one day and Father had decided Loki would be the one to break him and train him since he had finally returned from a long stay in Álfheimr to study seidr. They’d been so young then, he himself not even fifty years past his coming of age if his memory serves him.

He remembers that Loki took on training Sleipnir with diligence and indeed he did turn into a fine horse, but once his training was finished both he and Loki were warned by Father to not go near him. To Thor it has always been very clear that Sleipnir belongs exclusively to Father and is not meant to be handled or ridden by anyone else.

Sleipnir as Father’s steed is always left tacked up so he is ready for the call of battle at any time, and looking at the creature now Thor can’t help but feel sad for him. The poor creature unable to move about and rest freely doesn’t sit well with him, but he wasn’t about to disobey Father directly and do anything about it.

Thor goes back to the barrel and retrieves another apple before calling softly to the horse, “Sleipnir do you want an apple?”

The horse blinks one big green eye open at him and seems rather disinterested in him until he shows him the apple causing his ears to prick forward in interest. Sleipnir seems to regard him for a moment before ambling over to him to take a bite of the apple.

It becomes obvious right away that Sleipnir can’t chew the apple as easily with a bit in his mouth so Thor slips the dagger from his boot and cuts it into slices for him, feeding him slowly. When the stallion is done he replaces his dagger in his boot before petting the horse’s muzzle gently, murmuring as he does, “Such a handsome creature you are.”

Sleipnir bumps his big hand with his nose before turning away and going back to his corner in the stall making him frown slightly before he turns and takes his leave for real this time.

Chapter 3

In the morning Thor has just wrapped up a meeting with his advisors when a rather hassled looking stable boy is escorted before him by two guards for an audience. The boy quickly drops to one knee and Thor tells him to stand and ask what he needs.

“Apologies Allfather, but did you perchance untack Sleipnir last night?” the stable boy asks hesitantly.

Thor opens his mouth to say no and then shuts it abruptly realizing Loki could be the only culprit and he wonders at his brother’s behavior and if Loki saw him yesterday. It makes sense that Loki is still upset with him and may not want him to ride Sleipnir, but he is rather confused as to why he would use Sleipnir communicate his dissatisfaction this way.

All he says to the stable boy though is, “Yes I did, I groomed him yesterday and did not put his tack back on.”

The boy looks at him a bit strangely but only nods and thanks him before taking his leave.

Now, however, Thor is curious and he wonders just what Loki’s game is with this.

…

He returns a couple nights later to the stables to visit Róta again, but he also makes sure to stop and give Sleipnir an apple as well. Sure enough in the morning the stable boy informs him that Sleipnir was untacked and he simply tells him not to worry if it ever happens again.

It finally occurs to Thor that since Sleipnir is now technically his he can do whatever he pleases with him. So he begins making nightly trips to the stables even if he can’t stay long and untacks Sleipnir himself every night before feeding him his apple. He thinks the stallion is becoming more used to him or at least recognizes him after a few days because he sticks his head over the stall door if he hears him talking to Róta.

This hardly lasts a week before his father finds out and demands to know just what he’s doing. Thor doesn’t really have an answer for him other than he doesn’t think Sleipnir needs to be left like that all the time, as war is hardly on their doorstep, and deserves at least some rest and time to relax, so he only asks Father to forgive him, but he will do as he wishes with Sleipnir from now on. To say Father looks displeased is the understatement of the century and he receives the admonishment that he needs to be cautious in how he conducts himself now that he is king.

…

A few weeks later Thor has some spare time in the evening and having already grazed Róta he decides it couldn’t hurt to take Sleipnir out as well, because who knows the last time he was able to relax a little outside if ever. Sleipnir’s ears prick forward attentively when he sees the halter in Thor’s hand and allows him to put it on without fuss.

“We are going to go graze for a while, how does that sound?” Thor asks the stallion as he pets his muzzle.

Sleipnir nuzzles his hand in response and Thor thinks he looks excited at the prospect of being out of his stall without his tack on.

Thor is a little surprised at how easy Sleipnir is to handle, following him docilely out to the sprawling slope of meadow that has been sectioned off for the royal horses’ paddocks, which take up a considerable part of the southern side of the city in the back of the palace. In the past many of the stallions he’s handled have been anywhere from brats to complete brutes that test even his strength and certainly his patience. When he’s satisfied Sleipnir is going to behave he takes a seat on the grass and leaves the lead line loose so he can move freely as he grazes.

Thor sighs and looks out at the horizon, where the sun is beginning to fade in the sky, and contemplates his current situation. Before long he finds himself talking to Sleipnir, just telling the horse about his day and the decisions he’s struggling to make as he adapts to his new status as king. Overall it proves to be a very cathartic experience for him as he hasn’t spoken so freely since before taking the throne. He used to confide nearly everything to Mother, but he feels like he cannot bring these worries to her that weigh so heavily upon his shoulders. It is not her responsibility to run the kingdom, it’s his, and as such he must do it alone without Loki at his side. Talking about it seems to help though, just saying his concerns aloud seems to ease the heavy burden that seems lodged in his chest at all times.

After he’s spilled all the thoughts and trivial concerns in his head the sky is turning purple as the sun begins to drop behind the horizon. Thor refocuses on Sleipnir and smiles sadly before remarking, “I can see why Loki likes you, you are a very good listener and so well behaved.”

Sleipnir who has been happily munching on grass for the last couple of hours suddenly stops grazing and looks right at him, ears pricked attentively.

“Ah, you know who I am talking about do you not,” Thor says, his smile turning more genuine. “I am surprised you know Loki’s name, but perhaps I should not be with all the time he has spent with you and I know you are a very smart horse,” he adds.

Sleipnir approaches him and nuzzles his cheek gently making Thor chuckle. He pats the creature on the head and then stands with a groan before intoning, “Well if you like hearing about Loki so much then next time I will tell you a story about him.”

It could just be Thor’s imagination but Sleipnir seems to walk closer to him on the way back to the stable and his eyes look brighter and more intense when he bids him farewell for the night after giving him his apple.

…

Now whenever Thor has spare time in the evenings he takes both Róta and Sleipnir out to graze together upon realizing the stallion won’t misbehave around her and in fact they seem to quite like each other.

While Róta roams freely around them, as she is trained to come when called, he tells Sleipnir stories about Loki from their childhood and the big grey always seems to listen attentively while he munches casually on the lush grass.

Thor knows it is ridiculous, but he feels Sleipnir is the only connection he has left to his brother anymore and he tells him so. The ache of the empty gaping wound in his chest left by Loki’s absence is only ever soothed by the stallion’s presence and sometimes he feels as if his time spent with him is the only semblance of peace he gets all week. His sleep is still troubled and his thoughts are still burdened, but talking to Sleipnir seems to ease some of the worst of it so that it is at least almost tolerable for him.

…

The first time Thor sees Loki in months is at the fall harvest feast and he imagines his brother is only there because Mother made him. Loki looks well enough even if his demeanor is sour, and certainly doesn’t look once in his direction the entire feast. Thor hardly enjoys himself and all he can think about instead is how he will ever manage being king if Loki is truly lost to him forever.

The next night he finds himself in Sleipnir’s stall sitting up against the door with his knees tucked against his chest as he mourns the loss of his brother. Thor doesn’t remember the last time he really cried like he is now. He has shed a tear or two here and there but tonight he feels good and truly broken in a way he has never felt before.

“I miss him Sleipnir, I miss my brother so much,” Thor whispers roughly into his hands as tears tumble down his cheeks.

Warm breath caresses his hands and Thor pulls his hands away from his face to see Sleipnir right in front of him, bending down to nuzzle his hands, which makes him smile sadly. The stallion shuffles forward a step before carefully lowering himself down on two knees and then lays down entirely with a heavy exhale of air so that they’re now on the same level. Sleipnir nudges his knees until he allows them to fall open and the stallion lays his big head on his lap, looking up at him with one large green eye. Thor smiles wanly and pets his face gently, thinking the horse is really more like a big dog than anything else.

“I do not know if I can do this without him, I need him,” Thor laments sadly before adding in a hoarse whisper, “I was never meant to be king without Loki at my side, nor do I want to be. I do not know how I will continue to bear this burden alone if he is determined to hate me forever.”

Sleipnir snuffles his nose against his hand and Thor hugs the creature’s face to him, petting his ears wearily until the darkness takes him, and for once his sleep is peaceful.

…

He doesn’t exactly look forward to sleeping in his bed the following night, but he can hardly sleep in the stable so he gives Sleipnir his usual apple and thanks him for the peaceful rest the night before, receiving a soft nuzzle in return.

When Thor wakes the next morning he notices that he actually feels somewhat rested. His mind that always seems so tormented from the moment he opens his eyes is instead somewhat quiet and he wonders at the cause.

As Thor leaves his room he pauses near his doorway and inhales deeply having thought he just caught the hint of a scent. It’s there though, now he’s sure of it, Loki’s unmistakable evergreen and he wonders just what Loki was doing here during the night.

He doesn’t think the Trickster would hurt him, but he also has no idea why his brother would be in his room either. The idea that Loki may have been watching him sleep isn’t nearly as troubling as he thinks it probably should be because even if he doubts Loki would try to hurt him seriously, now that he has the crown, he’s certainly far from harmless. The other reason he doesn’t mind Loki in his room is darker and one he doesn’t want to dwell on, shoving it back into his box of shameful secrets in the back of his mind, few though they may be. He doesn’t need to give Loki any more reasons to hate him than he already has.

Chapter 4

Thor is so tired and weary the next time he has a couple of hours to sit down and relax with the horses the next week, and he wonders how much longer he’s going to be able manage as he is now.

“I miss him Sleipnir, even more now than when I thought he was dead. At least when I thought Loki was truly lost to me I could mourn him and I had the surety of the knowledge that I could do nothing to get him back. Now it is worse, to know he is so near yet more unreachable than ever is more painful than anything I have ever experienced,” Thor laments sadly.

He’s silent for a long moment before he murmurs, “I deserve it though.”

Sleipnir stops grazing to just look at him, ears pricked attentively.

“I do,” Thor reiterates before continuing, “For all of the pain and suffering I have put him through I know I deserve this and so much more, but it still does not make it hurt any less.”

Sleipnir begins to graze again, but he seems to be watching Thor intently now.

“I do not know how it came to this, or well I suppose I do, but I do not know how I could have let things get this far without seeing what I was doing,” Thor says quietly.

He sighs heavily and continues, “The sad part of all of it is that it all started for want of his love. Loki used to love me when we were young and it was all I could have ever wanted. I wanted to make him proud of me, but I have never been as good at the things he thinks are important as he is. Instead I tried to make him proud of me for the things I knew I was good at, and that I suppose was my first mistake. I would like to think that as children Loki loved me for me, but I made a mess of things by becoming someone he can only resent in my efforts to make him proud.

It started out with me trying to make him proud, but when he would only sigh and shake his head at me I turned elsewhere for approval. I made friends to try and fill the ache in my chest left by his disinterest in my achievements. Eventually it turned sinister and I became someone I am not proud of for lack of his approval. Loki thinks he has stood in my shadow because I put him there on purpose when in truth I pushed him to the wayside because it hurt too much to be near him and know I would never be good enough. I became arrogant, prideful, and selfish to reassure myself of my worth, and to try and bury that pain so it would not hurt so bad anymore. It worked I suppose, to an extent, I became so self-absorbed that I could ignore that he no longer even liked me, but at least he was still there as a support if I ever had need of him. I took advantage of him and greedily took his presence in my life for granted until I became blind to how much I actually still needed him. Loki has always been my main source of strength and I took advantage of that until he resented me wholly for taking for granted his presence and support.

He claims he has always wanted to be my equal when in truth we were never equals, not in my eyes at least. Loki has always been greater than me, better than me, stronger even than me, but I became someone so I did not have to acknowledge that, and just how much I still needed him and wanted for his approval. If he ever knew just how much I really did he would be disgusted with me.

He thinks that I call him Brother to demean him and reiterate his rank within the family when in truth I do so as a reminder to myself that that is all he can be to me. I do not call him by name because it only reminds me that he can never be mine, but he could belong to someone else if he chose to. It hurts so badly already, I am not sure I could ever endure it if he did. It was so painful to have him even only as my shadow, and it is even more so to be without him now, but if he ever went willingly with another I think it would break me completely. I love him so deeply, he will never know just how much, just how much I want him as mine and how much I want to be his.”

…

The next morning when Thor wakes feeling considerably more rested than usual he manages to catch a hint of Loki’s scent again. Thor wonders just what game Loki is playing by being in his room and yet doing nothing. He really shouldn’t complain because it results in the best night’s sleep he’s had in a good long time, but at the same time his heart only aches all the more when he’s without him.

Another night without Loki proves to be Thor’s undoing, and once he’s finished with his meetings he heads to his room to drink himself into a stupor. It’s only when he startles awake in the night that his hazy mind registers that he didn’t bother to tend to Sleipnir. He forces himself off his couch, even though he feels wretched, and shuffles around for clothing before heading out to the stable, feeling incredibly guilty all the while for being so neglectful.

Thor rounds the corner to the stable and stops short seeing Loki standing in front of Sleipnir’s stall and petting the stallion gently while he talks to him quietly. Loki notices him almost immediately and gives Sleipnir a last stroke before throwing him a cold look and then turning on his heel, departing from the other end of the stable with swift strides.

By the time Thor has his bearings enough to call out to Loki the Trickster is long gone. It’s just as well, he thinks sadly, Loki obviously still can’t stand him and he would have undoubtedly only angered him further by trying to talk to him. Thor takes a moment to try and collect himself and keep his tears at bay before going and getting Sleipnir’s apple for him.

He finds that Sleipnir is already untacked, which he supposes he should have expected, but at least the stallion looks excited to see him. Thor lets himself into Sleipnir’s stall and feeds him the apple, but the short reprieve isn’t enough to distract him from his depressing thoughts. He knows he couldn’t sleep in his room for the rest of the night even if he tried, so he settles against the wall of Sleipnir’s stall instead, and the stallion soon follows suit, lying down next to him so he can pet the large creature affectionately.

“I miss him, I miss him so much,” he whispers miserably, but the last thing he remembers is Sleipnir laying his head in his lap, a solid comfortable weight that seems to soothe his ever aching heart.

…

The next day Thor still feels guilty for forgetting about Sleipnir and takes both him and Róta out to graze in the evening. After about an hour or so Sleipnir suddenly looks up from his grazing and seems to be looking at something in the palace just behind Thor. He turns to see what has the stallion’s attention and finds Loki standing at the door jam of his balcony, leaning casually against it. Upon noticing his staring though Loki quickly retreats inside. Thor only sighs sadly and tries to ignore the pain in his chest that feels like a hot blade running clean through his heart.

Thor doesn’t know what wakes him that night until he turns over in his bed and nearly startles off of it seeing Loki reclining against his headboard on the other side of his bed. The Trickster is definitely awake and Thor is left to wonder precisely what it is he is doing here, in his bed no less.

Before Thor can open his mouth to ask just that Loki turns his attention on him and asks quietly, “What makes you worthy of my forgiveness?”

The truth spills out of Thor’s mouth before he can stop himself as he says, “I am not, it still does not make me want it any less.”

Loki stares at him for a long moment in the darkness of his room before nodding once and then taking his leave quietly, not even giving him the opportunity to say more if he’d wanted to.

It’s not until nearly an hour later, as he lies wide awake in his bed, that it occurs to Thor to wonder why Loki would even ask him that, as he is sure he has never said anything to indicate that he even wanted forgiveness from his brother. He knows Loki could have certainly inferred it, but he also knows that Loki rarely speaks without being sure of his facts. Ultimately Thor is left with a headache and he’s still no closer to figuring out Loki’s game with this.

…

When Thor wakes the next night Loki is there again, but before he can inquire about his presence Loki asks, “Why are you so taken with Sleipnir now?”

Thor can’t really articulate anything at the moment, but when he can, nearly a minute later, it comes out as a whisper, “I feel as if he is all I have left of you now. I like him well enough on his own as he is very sweet and a good listener. When I am with him I am finally allowed a moment’s peace.”

“Hmm,” Loki hums. “You are not that far off I suppose,” he remarks quietly before taking his leave once more, and leaving Thor to ponder the strangeness of the exchange.

…

The following night Thor wakes to the feeling of gentle fingers carding through his hair and he can’t help his soft noise of contentment. “Why are you here?” he finally queries roughly a couple of minutes later.

“I am trying to come to a decision, just go back to sleep Thor,” Loki murmurs, and though Thor wants to cling onto every moment he has in Loki’s presence he finds himself fading quickly, Loki stroking his hair gently all the while.

…

Every morning from then on Thor wakes to Loki’s scent beside him, and while he’s primarily confused a small part of him that he can’t seem to quash is hopeful all the same.

The next time he takes Sleipnir and Róta out to graze later that week the stallion again becomes distracted and Thor finds Loki watching them from his balcony, only to head back inside once Thor has seen him.

Thor doesn’t know what to make of this behavior and tells Sleipnir so, trying to relate his confusion and puzzlement over his brother’s strange habits. He knows just as well that Loki could have easily disappeared before he had a chance to turn to see him both times, but that he chooses to stay in plain view for a moment confuses him greatly coupled with his brother’s stand offish behavior.

That night Thor’s thoughts are restless and discontent, but eventually he manages a somewhat uneasy sleep. When he wakes during the night he knows Loki is with him, but he’s so tired and weary. Tired of waiting, tired of suffering, tired of this torment where Loki holds him at arm’s length but still pervades his space.

Thor sighs heavily, not even bothering to turn over, and asks tiredly, “What do you want Brother?”

There’s a long span of silence before Loki replies, “I think the better question is, what do you want from me?”

Thor flinches instinctively and he knows better than to think Loki isn’t talking about what he thinks he is. How Loki found out he has no idea and he damns himself to Helheimr and back for whatever he said or did to give himself away. At the same time he doesn’t know why Loki would be here except to rub his perversion in his face.

“Please leave,” Thor whispers tightly. He takes a shuddering breath before reiterating, “If you are only here to mock me or tell me how much you still hate me, then just leave.”

There’s a long hesitation before Thor feels Loki get up and leave nearly soundlessly, but once he’s sure Loki is gone he allows the inescapable urge to cry consume him. He curls up into a ball and simply cries his pain into his pillow for a good long while, until exhaustion drags him into slumber once more.

Chapter 5

It’s a couple of days before Thor can visit Sleipnir for any length of time beyond untacking him and giving him an apple and his weary soul craves the silent supportive presence of Sleipnir and Róta both.

Thor lets Róta out of her stall knowing she will follow him and heads over to Sleipnir’s, grabbing his halter and slipping inside. Just as he eases the halter over Sleipnir’s ears he hears, “He does not need that,” in the unmistakable drawl of his brother’s voice.

Thor stiffens but Sleipnir nickers excitedly upon noticing Loki. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do with Loki blocking his exit and his wholly unexpected appearance here in the stable at all.

Loki gives him a rather flat look for a long moment before he sighs dramatically and remarks as he opens the stall door, “Fine, leave it on him then, but I think he would prefer some time to graze unless you plan on just standing there for the duration of your visit.”

He only wavers indecisively for a moment before slipping the halter off Sleipnir’s head. The stallion regards him briefly before nuzzling him and then walking over to Loki only to pull him close with his head behind his brother’s shoulder in what looks like a horse hug.

The move seems to knock the breath from Loki momentarily before he can manage to scold, “You are too big for this now you great brute,” but he still hugs the stallion’s neck all the same.

When Loki steps away he beckons Sleipnir from the stall only to begin walking down the hall, Sleipnir tailing him closely. “Are you coming?” Loki calls over his shoulder as he rounds the corner.

Thor has to shake himself physically to get his bearings before following the pair obediently, Róta staying close to his side all the while.

Loki is waiting for them at their usual grazing spot, watching Sleipnir munch away on the lush grass. Thor approaches with caution, unsure of what he’s supposed to do because the Trickster has never willingly been around him during the day since he brought him home.

Thor settles himself on the ground a respectable distance away from Loki and gives Róta a pat on head before shooing her off gently to go graze.

He tries to observe Loki subtly, but his mind still swirls with confusion, and nothing seems to make the least bit of sense.

After a few minutes Loki turns towards him and takes the few paces to be next to him before taking a seat beside him, only a foot and a half separating them.

The silence stretches, but Thor isn’t about to break it by opening his big mouth so he leaves it up to Loki if there’s going to be any conversation between them, though he’s still wondering why Loki would even come near him now. The thought makes his chest feel tight and he keeps his gaze firmly on his knees while he idly plucks blades of grass with one hand.

Thor isn’t sure how much time has passed when Loki suddenly asks quietly, “Do you remember how exactly it was that we came to have Sleipnir in the first place?”

Thor frowns in confusion but replies nonetheless, “I must confess I do not seem to remember exactly. All that I can recall is that he simply showed up in the stable one day, and it never occurred to me to ask where he was from in the first place. I remember that you returned from Álfheimr not long afterwards and Father asked you to train him.”

There’s a long pause before Loki murmurs, “I was never in Álfheimr.”

Thor’s frown deepens considerably, but before he can inquire otherwise Loki turns to look at him to ask a bit accusingly, “Did you never even try to visit me?”

“I did,” Thor supplies immediately, then elaborates, “I asked Father if I could not long after you were gone, but he denied my request saying you wanted time to yourself away from the palace and us.”

Loki snorts derisively and mutters angrily, “He would have.”

Thor wants to ask what this is all about and where Loki even was if he wasn’t in Álfheimr, but he knows better than to ask.

Silence stretches for a few minutes and Thor watches Loki watch Sleipnir for a time before the Trickster murmurs, “Sleipnir is mine.”

“You found him?” Thor asks confusedly.

Loki gives him a look of complete exasperation before saying, “No you dolt, Sleipnir is my son.”

Thor knows he has to look ridiculous with the surprise written all over his face, but before he can formulate any kind of question Loki looks away and mutters bitterly, “The only way Odin would let me keep him and continue living at the palace was if he became a steed to live in the stable. So I was forced to allow my son to be treated like he was some regular beast of burden, and endure the indignity of having Odin ride around on his back and treat him like he was some animal incapable of intelligent thought.”

Thor has no idea what to say, he knows his brother is capable of many things and something like this is not wholly outside the realm of possibility. Besides, he doubts Loki would lie about something like this, and the emotion reading in his face and voice along with the tension in his body is very real. All Thor can think of to ask eventually is, “How did you come to have him in the first place?”

For a moment Thor fears Loki is going to get up and leave because of how angry he looks, but after a long minute while still not looking at him Loki replies tightly, “I helped negotiate the construction of Asgard’s wall. The builder set a price of Freyja, the sun, and the moon, but with my input we implemented restrictions that he should complete it within three seasons with no help of any man otherwise he would forfeit his right to payment. The builder requested the help of his steed Svaðilfari, and I foolishly told Odin even with the aid the builder would never be able to meet the deadline, so it was agreed that he could use his stallion. Of course when we realized this was not the case Odin held me responsible to rectify the situation at whatever cost. Three days before the deadline I lured Svaðilfari from his work in the form of a mare. Obviously I did not escape the experience unscathed, but at least I held onto my life by keeping the wall from being finished in time.”

Loki falls silent for a long moment and Thor simply tries to comprehend the tale just told to him. Eventually though Loki murmurs quietly, “I do not regret having him though, Sleipnir is precious to me.”

Loki beckons Sleipnir to him and the stallion ambles over to him immediately. When Loki pats the ground Sleipnir sinks to his knees and then lies down completely, stretching his neck forward so his head is nearly in Loki’s lap and he can be petted easily, which is just what Loki proceeds to do.

Thor isn’t paying much attention to the pair and instead he’s still processing everything Loki’s told him. The first thing Thor feels is incredibly ignorant and foolish for having never thought to inquire further, but not long after that he is overcome with anger and fury. How could Father do such a thing? How could he hold Loki responsible when he was little more than a child, barely twenty years past his coming of age? And worse still force him to give up his son so they both had a chance at a home. How could Father condone forcing Loki to submit his son to servitude and make him stand by and watch it happen?

His dark thoughts are interrupted by Loki intoning softly, “You need not be angry over it Thor, I have spent enough of mine on the matter for the both of us.”

“He will never have to wear a saddle again,” Thor promises solemnly, and he fully plans on making sure his words will hold true.

A ghost of a smile hovers on Loki’s lips as he replies, “That is just as well, but I would still trust no other better to carry you into battle should you truly need him someday. He is quite fond of you after all.”

Sleipnir lies down completely, placing his head on the grass between them, and Thor takes the hint to begin petting the stallion as well. He cannot help but smile softly at Sleipnir and it makes his heart feel warm to know the stallion seems to be so taken with him.

After a minute Loki remarks quietly, “He tells me that he likes to do this with you when you are feeling upset.”

Thor stiffens and it feels as if he has been punched in the gut as he nearly whispers, “He speaks to you?”

Loki glances at him and his green eyes glitter mischievously as he replies, “Of course, he is my son after all. Do you think he was born without any seidr of his own?”

Thor does not feel well, in fact he feels downright queasy at the thought of Loki knowing with certainty so many of his thoughts and feelings, but especially his secret if Sleipnir has been forthcoming with his information. He wants to leave but he cannot seem to be able to make himself move, and instead he is consumed by thoughts of what Loki must think of him now, how much more he must hate him, and how he will never be forgiven now. It’s only because of where he is and who he is with that he does not allow his tears to flow freely.

The only thing that Thor can really be thankful for is that Loki says nothing else for the duration of the visit.

Loki leaves him alone with Sleipnir in his stall after giving him a parting kiss on the forehead and Thor is left alone to his thoughts. Sleipnir approaches him quietly and nuzzles his chest before using his head to pull him into a hug. It only takes a moment for Thor to respond but he eventually raises his arms to embrace the stallion in kind as he murmurs in a strained tone, “I know you were only doing what you thought was best.” Sleipnir only pulls him closer and Thor uses the time to try and pull himself together.

Even though he is still far from okay Thor forces himself to track down a stable boy and give him explicit instructions to leave Sleipnir untacked from now on, as well ignore if Loki comes around him day or night, and that Loki is permitted to do as he wishes with the stallion now. Feeling as if he has done at least one right thing today Thor trudges back to his room and collapses onto his bed from exhaustion, barely taking a moment to even undress.

…

When Thor wakes he almost immediately cringes upon realizing Loki is in his room with him and sitting quite close to him as well, so that they are nearly touching.

After a moment Thor manages to find his voice enough to speak as he whispers roughly, “What do you want Brother?”

Loki lays a gentle hand on the back of his shoulder and Thor flinches before pleading desperately, “Just tell me what it is you want from me please. Tell me what it is so I can do it and you can leave me alone.”

There’s a pause before Loki replies softly, “You do not want me to leave you alone though, do you?”

Trembles start to wrack Thor’s large frame as he whispers, “No, but it is better than this. It hurts so much already, why are you so determined to torment me like this? Stay on the fringes of my life so that I may constantly be reminded of your presence, but reinforce the knowledge that you want nothing to do with me.” His breath hitches before he begs, “So please, please tell me what it is you want me to do so you will leave me to suffer in peace alone.”

Loki lies down behind him and Thor struggles to keep his composure even as his brother winds a single wiry arm around his waist.

“Firstly,” Loki intones quietly, “Quit calling me Brother. The sentiment is there but the relation is not. You do not lose your meaning to me, nor I to you, by calling me Loki. Secondly, I am not trying to torment you intentionally, I needed time to think about us too. Thirdly, forgiveness is not something that comes to me easily, but I am working on it. I need the reassurance that you will not return to being the man I spent so many years building resentments against, and that will simply take time. I am willing to do my best trying to allow you into my life again as long as you promise to do the same. I need more than words and sentiments in order to forgive you the way you want. I need to see you in action and come to know you again as if it were the first time.”

A shuddering breath, dangerously close to a sob, escapes Thor as he realizes just what kind of opportunity Loki is willing to give him. All he can manage is to whisper a rough, “Alright.”

Loki tugs him closer against him and Thor can feel his cool breath on the back of his neck. Before Thor can really process it and just how close Loki actually is to him, and he can’t seem to recall the last time Loki willingly put himself in such a position to be this close to him, Loki instructs softly but firmly, “Sleep Thor.”

The air seems to rush out of his lungs and with it all of the tension left in his body, leaving him so tired. All he manages before he falls asleep is to cover Loki’s cool hand with his own large warm one and murmur a sincere, “Thank you Loki.” For once his slumber is easy and peaceful right from the start.

Chapter 6

Thor isn’t sure what he expected Loki to do, but it certainly wasn’t to find the Trickster curled up with a book in his armchair in front of the fire once he returns for the evening after giving Róta and Sleipnir their apples.

The query, “What are you doing here Loki?” tumbles out of his mouth before he can stop himself, and he’s seriously tempted to slap a hand over his mouth in an attempt to take back his words.

Loki only glances at him mildly before replying, “Letting you into my life and me into yours seems to call for actually being in each other’s presence. Besides I seem to recall you pestering me nonstop when we were younger to sit with me while I studied, though I could hardly concentrate with the racket you made. If you wish for me to leave I will though.”

“No!” Thor interrupts immediately and quite a bit louder than he intended.

Loki raises an eyebrow at him and Thor looks at the floor in embarrassment before imploring much quieter, “No, please stay.” He takes a deep breath and adds in a murmur, “I am just rather boring in the evenings now.”

Loki snorts making Thor look up and the Trickster rolls his eyes before replying exasperatedly, “Thor you have always been boring, I hardly expect that to change now.”

Thor should take offense to that but the remark is so Loki that it makes him chuckle instead, and the smile playing about Loki’s lips certainly doesn’t detract from his amusement in the least.

Thor grabs some nightclothes before going to the bathroom and shedding his armor, bathing quickly and changing before reemerging into his bedroom. He pours himself a drink and nearly flops down onto his couch with a heavy sigh.

“I take it Odin was not pleased with Sleipnir’s newfound freedom,” Loki remarks idly as he turns a page.

Thor sighs again and rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly just thinking about the argument he had with Father not even hours ago.

“Not particularly, no,” Thor replies eventually.

Loki makes a derisive noise and there’s a pause before he intones quietly, “Yet you did not give into his demands.”

“Of course not,” Thor replies immediately, while wondering idly just how it is that Loki manages to know what is going on all around the palace even when he isn’t present, but then again he’s always been like that at least in Thor’s memory.

“I would never allow such treatment of Sleipnir knowing now that he is your son. I do not understand why Father would ever believe otherwise. If I had known before my coronation I still would have tried to do something. Mostly Father just tried to reason with me as to why he did what he did, and though I can comprehend his logic to an extent I still do not agree with his decisions in regards to you both and how you were treated,” he adds solemnly.

“Mmm,” Loki hums noncommittally and after that silence befalls them once more. At one time Thor could not have stood the silence, but now he finds it soothing. Rather than break it by saying something unnecessary Thor simply relaxes and takes full advantage of the chance to enjoy the company while sipping at his drink idly from time to time.

…

Thor is pulled from slumber by a gentle hand shaking his shoulder causing him to groan in discontentment.

“Get up Thor, you will be sorry in the morning if you sleep all night on this couch,” Loki scolds lightly causing him to crack an eye open at the Trickster.

“Hmm?” he hums in query, still feeling bleary.

“To bed with you,” Loki prompts, before adding, “You are much too big for me to carry.”

A low chuckle rumbles in Thor’s chest at the very idea, but he gets up obediently with a groan and shuffles over to his massive bed before flopping onto it unceremoniously.

Loki sighs exasperatedly and pushes on him to move over as he remarks drily, “I need a place to sleep too you big lump. I will not sleep on the floor or the couch, not even for you.”

Thor scoots over but he can’t seem to stop the query of, “You are staying?” from escaping his lips.

He hears another exasperated huff from Loki and the bed dips with his weight as he replies drily, “Yes, staying in one place tends to be a requirement for sleeping, at least to my knowledge.”

Thor frowns, but says nothing, as he turns to lie on his side away from Loki.

He stiffens slightly as Loki presses against his back again and winds an arm around his waist to hold him close.

“Besides,” Loki remarks quietly, his voice nearly at Thor’s ear, “You seem more relaxed when I am here, and less stressed.”

Thor is glad Loki can’t see his face since his cheeks burn with both shame and embarrassment, and all he can manage is a slight nod of acceptance, or agreement he isn’t quite sure.

“Stop fretting Thor, I can practically feel you thinking,” Loki admonishes quietly.

Thor swallows audibly and nods once, before trying to make himself relax.

A few minutes later Thor is no closer to sleep than he was in the afternoon and he cringes slightly at Loki’s heavy sigh behind him, knowing the Trickster can’t be happy with him.

Loki’s hand drifts up his chest to rub right over his heart and after a few heartbeats he intones softly, “Relax, you are thinking about this too hard.”

Thor exhales a big breath before nodding in assent, and tries to stop attempting to figure out Loki’s game and focus instead on how good it feels to have Loki hold him close, shamefully so even, but he ignores that part. Sleep seems to come naturally after that, the slender fingers rubbing at his chest lulling him into a deep slumber.

…

Thor wakes alone, but he does not think Loki has been gone all that long considering he is still in the same spot he was when he fell asleep, and he tends to move around a lot when he’s alone. He tries to put the night behind him and get on with his day rather than muse endlessly about Loki’s possible motives for staying.

Thor remains distracted though throughout his meetings during the day, and he can’t help but wonder if Loki plans to keep this up. The Trickster has always been such a solitary creature in his mind, only assenting to anything like cuddling when they were very young and shared a room together. It was always left to Thor to initiate contact between them, even when Loki had a nightmare and Thor knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep, it was up to him to climb into his brother’s bed to try and comfort him. When they got older Loki tended to abhor anyone touching him, though he always remained reluctantly obedient whenever Mother was involved. Thor himself never tended to respect his brother’s boundaries and often mobbed him with affectionate touches even though Loki clearly did not enjoy it. He simply put it off as part of Loki’s contrary nature, until eventually Loki avoided him completely and would sidestep any of his attempts for contact.

So he is mainly confused about Loki’s actions as it is so unlike him.

That night when he finds Loki reading in his room again Thor decides to not even comment as he is not tempted to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when confronted with it and definitely when it concerns Loki. He has been alone too long to risk pushing Loki away again with incessant questions.

Instead all he says is, “Evening Loki, did you have a good day?”

Loki looks up from his book and shrugs lightly before replying, “Well enough I suppose, there is hardly anything for me to do other than read and visit Sleipnir with my seidr nearly nonexistent and being bound to the palace.”

Thor frowns, but he still nods in understanding before moving to retrieve his nightclothes and heading to the bathroom to bathe. He tries not to ponder Loki’s situation too much as there is nothing he can do, Father made sure of that, and he does not particularly trust his own judgment when it comes to Loki and what he does and does not deserve as he will always be biased.

When Thor reemerges he pours himself a drink before gathering up his parchments of requests and legal disputes from Asgard’s citizens, as well as a quill and some ink. He settles himself heavily on the couch and spreads his parchments out on the table, selecting the top one and sitting back on the couch before perusing its contents.

His admittedly rather short patience is quickly exhausted trying to come to decisions he feels confident about. He lets out a frustrated sigh and rubs at his face, wondering again what ever made him think he suited for the crown.

“What troubles you Thor?” Loki asks quietly causing Thor to look up.

Thor waves the parchment in his hand slightly and mutters, “I am not particularly proficient when it comes to domestic disputes. I am much more suited to deal with issues of agriculture and our army. Things like this are just beyond me it seems, as I can never seem to come to decisions regarding the ambiguous matters.”

Loki unfolds himself from the armchair and walks over gracefully to seat himself beside him as he inquires, “You know the law though, do you not?”

Thor sighs and replies, “Yes of course, but that does not mean I am good at knowing when to employ it.”

Loki nods before gesturing to the parchment and asking, “May I?”

“Be my guest,” Thor mutters as he hands it over, it’s not like he’s getting anywhere with it.

Loki seems to read over it quickly before holding it between them and asking, “Tell me what troubles you about this case that makes it difficult for you to come to a decision.”

Thor frowns a little and thinks it over, as the case is about a vendor renting space in the market to sell her woolen wares. The landlord is demanding payment and she is unwilling to keep paying such a high rent.

Eventually he replies, “The woman is a tiny thing and seems nice enough, but I agree that the rent is too high.”

“Stop,” Loki interrupts causing Thor to look up at him in surprise.

Loki grabs the quill and inks it before beginning to cross out parts of the case right on the parchment as he says, “This is one of your greatest faults manifesting itself in the courts. You are too genuine Thor, you like to take others at face value thinking they are as honest as you are. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but it has no place in legal matters like this one.”

Loki begins to point out the things he’s crossing out with the quill as he indicates, “Firstly determine if it is a strictly legal case. If it is, such as this one, throw out the people involved, how they presented, and your impressions of them, and instead look at the facts.” Loki indicates the first paragraph which is meant to jog his memory of the case by providing summaries of the individuals bringing forward the case and who they are, how they dressed, their occupation, age, etc. “These things are not important anymore, you are not there to judge their character or the rightness or wrongness of their actions, you are meant and expected to hold up the law no matter how you feel about them,” Loki intones seriously. He continues as he circles a phrase at the bottom of the page, “The vendor and landlord have a valid and current contract, therefore she must pay as expected in accordance with our law. Rule in favor of the landlord and if you truly feel the rent is too high you may suggest to him the possibility of renegotiating their contract and the terms, but it is not your place to mandate it. If she wants to bring forward a complaint of extortion then that is a different matter, but in this the landlord is owed the rent as indicated. In domestic and family disputes, arguments, feuds etc. you may make judgments of character if you wish. I would have the court recorder bring up the records of the people involved in those cases so you may have a better picture of them in order to make such judgments. It is your job to hold up the law, not play favorites or be the friend of every citizen of Asgard. To hope you can please everyone or solve every dispute is a fool’s errand, you are meant to be the impartial voice of reason. The kind of emotional investment you are putting into all dealings with the people will kill you eventually as they continue to take and take from you until there is nothing left. You do not have to be cruel and cold as Odin could often be, but creating a good and solid barrier between yourself and the people is vital so that you may still retain your identity and sanity, and also better serve the people by not becoming entangled in their emotionally driven brawls because then impartiality is thrown out the window.”

Loki inks the quill again before scrawling in his elegant penmanship, ‘In favor of the landlord. Suggestion to renegotiate the contract for lower rent if so desired.’

Thor is focusing more on Loki though as he thinks this may be the most Loki has talked to him in one sitting without either of them arguing with each other in a century or two at least. He also can’t recall the last time Loki bothered to try and teach him anything without being sarcastic or supremely irritated with him. Not to mention the advice is definitely sound, whether he’ll be able to employ it is another matter entirely.

“Thank you,” he murmurs softly.

Loki glances at him and nods once before setting the parchment down and gathering the rest only to intone, “Let us go over the rest then shall we?”

Loki spends the rest of the evening going over each case with Thor in painstaking detail, asking Thor for his initial impressions before going on to correct him patiently every time he missteps on a matter.

By the time they are finished Thor is exhausted and his head aches, but he still thanks Loki all the same receiving a nod in return before the Trickster resumes his place in the armchair to continue reading. Thor settles back on the couch with his drink and just tries to relax.

…

Thor is woken once again by Loki shaking his shoulder, but he thinks it’s considerably earlier than the last time Loki woke him.

“Up, you keep dozing off,” Loki orders as he pushes at his shoulder lightly.

Thor grumbles something incoherent even to him and forces himself to get to his feet before shuffling to his bed and climbing in it.

Loki pushes at his shoulder for him to move over as he huffs, “Is this going to become a normal occurrence? If it is I will just get in bed first and yell at you until you wake up.”

Thor stiffens in the middle of moving over and looks back at Loki sharply, wondering if he means what he thinks he means.

Loki raises an eyebrow at him and crosses his arms in impatience before he drawls, “Well?”

Because Thor is a coward when it comes to his hopes with Loki he quickly shakes himself mentally and mumbles, “I am moving,” before doing just that so Loki has room.

The bed dips with Loki’s weight and the candle next to his bed is extinguished before Thor feels Loki’s cool weight settle against his back and the same wiry arm wind around his ribcage pulling him close.

Thor doesn’t even dare to breathe and his mind seems to refuse to comprehend his situation, it’s just so surreal.

“Stop thinking Thor and just go to sleep,” Loki soothes as he strokes his chest through his linen tunic with gentle fingers.

Thor thinks that is perhaps for the best and focuses instead on the hand caressing his chest in rhythmic motions, allowing it to lull him into slumber.

Chapter 7

Thor isn’t so surprised to find Loki in his quarters reading again this evening, but the situation still reads to him as entirely surreal.

Loki glances up at him and raises an eyebrow before querying, “What, no greeting?”

Thor swallows and ducks his head slightly before intoning, “Hello Loki, how was your day?”

Loki smirks slightly before replying, “Dull, nothing interesting is going on in the palace.”

Thor frowns, not liking that Loki is bored. He knows the Trickster well enough that boredom always leads to mayhem where he is concerned. Thor struggles for a moment for the right words, because he really has no idea what to say, nor can he really change Loki’s situation. Instead all that comes out of his mouth is, “Would you like to go on a walk?”

A brief flash of surprise crosses Loki’s face before it turns into a rather shrewd expression, and Thor immediately regrets opening his big mouth and waits with trepidation for Loki’s caustic refusal.

Finally Loki marks his page and closes his book as he replies, “Alright.”

Now Thor is the one surprised and he watches Loki stand and stride gracefully to stand in front of him.

“Well? Are we going for a walk or not?” Loki drawls.

Thor snaps out of his stupor and nods once before turning on his heel and striding to his double doors, holding it open for Loki to pass by him.

“Any particular destination in mind?” Loki asks once they are out in the hall.

Thor shrugs and then murmurs, “I have not seen Mother’s gardens since before I left for Midgard.”

Loki nods once in assent and begins heading down the hall in the direction of the gardens leaving Thor to catch up.

He has to end up trotting a few steps to be at Loki’s side and he still marvels to this day how long Loki’s strides actually are. The Trickster is perhaps only two inches taller than him, but Thor thinks they must have all gone to his legs. “Perhaps I should have said a stroll,” Thor mutters to himself.

Loki immediately slows his gait and looks over at him as he asks, “Better?”

Thor is a little taken aback that firstly Loki heard him and secondly that he would care to do anything about it. He recovers quickly enough and replies quietly, “Yes, thank you, you just walk very fast.”

“Mmm,” Loki hums in agreement and about ten seconds later he remarks, “I find others are less likely to bother me if I look like I am actually heading somewhere.”

Thor considers this before replying, “I have never thought of it that way.”

Loki looks back over at him again and returns with a smirk, “Well yes, you actually like other Aesir, I however, would rather be left alone.” Thor frowns but follows alongside Loki to the entrance of the gardens.

They’re quiet as they stroll along and Thor really has no desire to break the silence, but once they reach his favorite tree he pauses to look at it. It’s a delicate and winding looking thing, but underneath the slenderness of its branches and trunk he knows it’s stronger than it looks. Loki had found it for Mother a very long time ago while on a political visit to Álfheimr and brought back one of the seeds to plant in her garden. The tree even reminds him of Loki with its white bark and vivid dark green leaves that sparsely cover its branches, though he has to admit it’s the tree’s silvery flowers that bloom in springtime that he likes the most.

“Thor?” Loki queries quietly from just behind his shoulder.

Thor turns quickly to face him and ducks his head slightly before saying, “Apologies, this one is just my favorite.”

“I know,” Loki replies, a shadow of a smile hovering on his lips.

“You do?” Thor asks confusedly in return.

“Mmm, I know many things about you Thor. I have certainly spent enough time watching you and being around you to know this at least,” Loki replies drolly.

Thor blinks, not quite knowing what to make of that, but rather than comment he asks quietly, “Do you have a favorite then?”

Loki indicates the willow just behind him and Thor turns to look at it briefly before looking back over at Loki and asking, “Why the willow?” before he can stop himself.

Loki smiles slightly and replies as he turns to keep heading down the path, “Because it has the best shade when I want to read outside.”

Thor chuckles and Loki demands with a scowl, “Why is that amusing?”

Thor just chuckles again, and Loki looks even more irritated, but he manages to get it together enough to reply, “I apologize, but your reason is just so you. You never seem to like anything unless it has a purpose to you or for you.”

Loki smiles wryly and returns, “I am nothing if not resourceful.”

Thor smiles and nods his agreement in return.

A few more paces as they head deeper into the garden before Loki queries, “Then what has you so taken with the Silfr Blomi Baðmr?”

Thor looks down at the path as they walk along it and replies quietly, “Because it reminds me of you.”

Thor can tell Loki is looking at him as he asks, “Because I brought it here?”

Thor shrugs lightly and replies, “Well there is that, but I meant the tree itself.”

“A stick of a tree reminds you of me?” Loki asks, sounding less than pleased.

Thor looks up to see Loki and frowns slightly before returning, “It is not a stick, it is just slender like you. I like it because even as slim as it is beneath the bark it is still incredibly strong, resilient, and durable. The white bark reminds me of how pale you always are, as if you have been doused in moonlight. Its dark green leaves make me think of your eyes and the color of your seidr, while its blossoms make me think of your silver tongue.”

Loki stares at him for a moment and then snorts as he shakes his head, replying, “You are so ridiculously sentimental Thor.”

Thor smiles gently and returns easily, “I know.”

Chapter 8

Thor becomes quite comfortable with his new routine over the next couple months, Loki’s now permanent place reading in his armchair every evening and sliding into his bed to hold him snugly seems to soothe his soul in a way nothing has in a very, very long time.

He’s still a little hesitant to engage Loki in actual conversation, but he’s found that if he gets Loki to start on a subject he likes then he talks openly and becomes much less inhibited.

Thor did dare to ask once why Loki will talk to him now and only got, “You are much more tolerable than you used to be, and when you are not annoying me constantly and I know you are listening, then I am much more inclined to share my views with you,” in reply.

They still go on walks and play with Sleipnir and Róta when Thor has free time during the day. Loki also helps him with the domestic disputes often enough, and really Thor doesn’t think he could ask for much more at the moment. Just having Loki back in his life has eased his stress and frustrations greatly.

So when father arranges a trip to Vanaheimr because the court wants to honor his coronation, Thor is less than pleased about the idea of being away from Loki for an entire fortnight.

Of course Loki knew all about it even before Thor did and hardly seems bothered by the idea, but it doesn’t surprise him as Loki tends to take these kinds of things in stride.

Thor is fidgety the next couple of days, since Father only gave him a few days warning, but surprisingly enough Loki doesn’t seem bothered by his behavior as he would have undoubtedly snapped at him from annoyance and irritation before he fell.

The morning Thor is due to leave he’s surprised to find Loki still in his bed, sitting up against the headboard and reading while his left hand strokes his arm gently. Loki gently herds him out of bed telling him to bathe and get dressed, and even though Thor doesn’t want to he gets up dutifully to do as instructed.

When he reemerges Loki is seated in the armchair instead reading and dressed as well. Loki looks up at him briefly and asks, “Ready?”

Thor summons Mjölnir to him and fastens her to his hip before replying, “Now I am,” even though he’s lying through his teeth.

Loki closes his book and sets it on the side table before getting up and striding to the door, remarking, “You are a terrible liar Thor.”

Thor lets out a frustrated huff and returns sharply, “What would you have me say then? That I do not want to go? That I have never wanted to leave here less in my life?”

Loki stares at him for a moment before replying, “If that is the truth, then yes.”

Thor doesn’t really think about what he’s doing until he’s already grabbed Loki in a fierce hug and whispered, “I do not want to leave, not when I have just gotten you back.”

After a few heartbeats Thor feels Loki’s wiry arms wrap around him snugly as he murmurs in return, “I will be here when you return, I promise.”

Thor squeezes him tighter and tucks his face into the side of Loki’s neck. After a minute he murmurs softly, “I love you Loki.”

Gentle long fingers comb through his golden locks and Loki only replies quietly in return, “I know Thor.”

…

Thor is nothing short of miserable without Loki. He can’t sleep, he doesn’t want to eat, and the last thing he feels like doing is attending feasts every single night in his honor. At least he knows better than to drink himself stupid over his woes, firstly because he knows it won’t really help and secondly because he knows Father would never let him hear the end of it if he managed to embarrass all of Asgard by acting like a fool in front of the Vanir court.

The only highlight of his entire trip is going for a ride with the queen on Róta, as she is simply delighted to see the mare again and very happy to see that Thor has treated her well. Father wasn’t so happy with him that he refused to take Sleipnir, but he put his foot down over that matter saying he would never manage to make him ride Loki’s son, nor would he allow anyone else to.

Upon his return to Asgard he’s a little ashamed that he untacks Róta so quickly and leaves her in her stall with a few apples, but he feels as if he will go mad if he doesn’t get to see Loki as soon as possible.

Thor prowls the hallways feeling supremely agitated as he searches for Loki and finally finds the Trickster in the library reading some ancient tome.

Loki looks up at his rather unnecessarily loud entrance and raises an eyebrow, but squawks indignantly when Thor pulls him roughly from his seat and grabs him in a crushing embrace.

Loki huffs a breath of air that Thor squeezes out of him and proceeds to scold in a mildly annoyed tone, “I am not a stuffed toy Thor that you can squeeze as hard as you like.”

“Just be quiet for a minute Loki,” Thor rumbles.

Loki sighs, but only a few moments later he slips his arms about Thor’s neck and holds him close, stroking his hair in a soothing gesture.

Eventually when Thor feels a bit more grounded he mumbles, “I missed you.”

Loki makes an amused noise and replies, “I can tell, but I promised I would be here when you came home, did I not?”

“It does not change that I missed you,” Thor nearly growls in return.

“I know,” Loki murmurs as he uses a hand to stroke the nape of his neck calmingly.

Falling asleep in Loki’s embrace has never felt so good as it does that night, and Thor thinks he could learn to be content with just this if this is all Loki will ever be willing to give him.

Chapter 9

Thor begins to dream of soft cool lips pressing a kiss to his forehead every night, and he only hopes that his suppressed desires won’t end up interfering with his relationship with Loki. He is forever grateful that Loki likes to hold onto him every night rather than the other way around. He would never be able to live with himself if his desire was what ultimately drove Loki away from him. Loki knows, of that he is sure, and Thor is still a bit confused as to why Loki is willing to be around him at all even knowing so, rather than shoving him away in disgust.

He’s dreaming again, that gentle press of lips to his forehead makes him want to purr in contentment, but he simply nuzzles into the cool hand stroking his cheek instead.

Long slender fingers comb through his locks soothingly as a gentle voice intones, “Come on Thor, it is time to get up. You will be late for court if you do not hurry,” and then those heavenly fingers are gone.

He opens his eyes blearily to his empty room and sighs at himself, the dream had felt so very real.

As Thor moves to slip from his bed he notices the sheets feel cool on the opposite side Loki sleeps on. He shakes his head at himself thinking he must be getting desperate or possibly delusional to imagine such things.

…

When Thor dreams the same thing again the voice murmurs, “Wake up you lazy thing, you cannot sleep all day.”

This time when Thor opens his eyes he knows someone is sitting beside his hip as a hand strokes over the line of his shoulder.

“Loki?” he mumbles blearily.

An amused huff resounds above him before Thor hears what is definitely Loki’s voice intone, “Unless someone else has taken to sleeping with you without my knowledge.”

Thor looks up and sees Loki looming over him with a slightly amused smile hovering on his lips.

All Thor can think of to say is, “Morning.”

Loki snorts softly and replies, “It will not be soon enough if you continue to laze around, so get up.”

Loki gives his arm a last stroke before getting up and departing quietly.

Thor simply sits there a while musing over the surrealness of it all and the realization that he may not have been dreaming at all all this time is enough to make his mind spin.

…

Finally Thor is brave enough one morning to ask, “Why are you doing this?”

Loki just stares down at him for a moment with his intense green eyes and before he can say anything Thor adds softly, “If you are just doing this for me then please do not. I would never ask of, or force something like this on you Loki, especially if you want no part of it.”

Loki snatches his hand away from Thor’s arm as if burned and his expression is nothing short of furious as he stands abruptly and leaves without a word, slamming the door behind him.

Thor has never had such a difficult day in the court as he does that day.

When he returns to his quarters for the night and finds Loki is not there he simply collapses on his bed and cries his anguish into his pillow for a good long while.

It hurts so much to know Loki is truly lost to him now, but deep down Thor knows he did the right thing. He would sooner kill himself than live knowing he was the one that ended up chaining Loki to his side.

…

Five days later Thor is an absolute mess and the only way he can sleep now is if he drinks until he passes out, but he feels as if he deserves it for doing what he did to Loki. He will never forgive himself for the remainder of his life even if it means living in sufferance each and every day.

“Get up!” a sharp voice barks, jerking Thor rudely from his rest and nearly sending him toppling off the couch where he finally fell asleep in a drunken stupor.

He blinks a few times to make sure he’s really seeing an incensed looking Loki standing right in front of him.

“Loki I…” he starts to say only to be cut off by a sharp command of, “Silence,” from Loki making him snap his moth shut abruptly.

“Do I look like a push over to you?” Loki demands angrily.

Thor shakes his head negatively, feeling thoroughly cowed in the face of Loki’s fury.

“Have you ever known me to take things lying down, or do something simply to appease another?” Loki demands of him.

Thor shakes his head again, because it’s true. Loki will throw an absolute fit and fight tooth and nail when he truly doesn’t want to do something, only finally conceding when left with no other option.

“Then do not ever assume my motives for me, do you understand?” Loki threatens.

Thor nods numbly, not knowing what else to do and not even daring to speak.

“Go get ready and dressed for bed, you look pitiful as you are now,” Loki orders, pointing at his bathroom door.

Thor gets up and slinks past the still rather furious looking Trickster before gathering his nightclothes quickly and retreating into his bathroom to wash up.

He does as instructed, feeling rather numb all the while, and when he reemerges freshly washed and having brushed his teeth he finds Loki in his bed, but before he can formulate anything to say Loki points at the spot beside him and orders, “Lie down.”

Thor lies down in his usual spot and watches the candles extinguish themselves in the room before he feels Loki lie down behind him and pull him back into their usual sleeping embrace.

“Loki…” Thor tries again a few minutes later, but he’s interrupted by Loki intoning firmly, “Do not say it, I do not want to hear it.” He can feel the deep breath Loki takes before he says much more calmly, “Just try not to do it again.”

Thor can’t speak and instead he nods his head before grasping Loki’s cool hand and holding it close to his chest with both of his warm ones.

“Go to sleep Thor,” Loki murmurs quietly in the same voice he used before this whole debacle.

Thor can’t help his sniffle and clutching Loki’s hand tighter, the days without the Trickster have been torture and tonight has been nothing short of very overwhelming for him.

“Shh,” Loki soothes as he presses closer to Thor’s broad back making him exhale a shaky breath. “It will be alright Thor,” Loki reassures softly before pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

The tension bleeds out of Thor slowly as Loki continues to murmur quiet reassurances to him, and finally his exhaustion catches up with him, but he hardly cares because he knows nothing will chase him in his dreams as long as Loki is with him.

Thor feels the most reassured when Loki wakes him in the morning with a kiss to his forehead. Even though Loki says nothing before he departs Thor still feels very much relieved and encouraged that he hasn’t managed to ruin his relationship with Loki again with his foolishness.

Chapter 10

Thor may act foolishly on occasion but he isn’t a fool, so he knew the peace between him and Loki couldn’t last forever and that they would inevitably have their spats, but he didn’t really imagine the next upset in their relationship would come about like this.

Again Father only gave him a few days warning that a feast was to be held so he could meet suitable women to take as his queen.

Loki is in a foul mood the days leading up to the feast and Thor wants to tell him something, anything, to reassure him that he isn’t going anywhere, except the words just seem to stick in his throat every time he tries. He doesn’t plan to take a queen, not ever, so long as Loki chooses to remain at his side. He doesn’t particularly care if he ends up depriving Asgard of an heir, he can always declare a successor that is not of his blood if it comes down to that, though he knows Father would never forgive him if he did.

The feast and dance afterward are very uncomfortable for Thor, Father has even invited potentials from Vanaheimr and Álfheimr. Not terribly long ago he would have been quite pleased with the way the women practically trip over themselves to endear themselves to him, but now all he feels is apathetic towards them and uncomfortable with the way they paw at him. He does not want any of them even in the remotest sense, as he has everything he could ever want sleeping with him in his bed every night already, and no one else will ever compare in his mind.

Loki is at the feast as well, and as good as he can be at masking his emotions he doesn’t seem to be able to conceal his displeasure and dissatisfaction with the whole ordeal, leaving him with a rather dark and brooding expression the entire night. At least the rest of the guests just attribute it to jealousy and dislike, but Thor doesn’t like the idea of Loki being upset if he can help it.

Thor has no idea where Loki is by the time he is allowed to leave the feast, having had to entertain the guests until well into the wee morning hours. He’s exhausted though, and his bed and a decent night’s rest sound most appealing at the moment.

He barely manages to get through the door to his quarters before he is roughly shoved up against it by a rather pissed looking Loki.

“Loki wha…” Thor begins to ask, startled by the Trickster’s show of aggression, but he’s quickly interrupted by Loki hissing forcefully, “You are mine Thor, and I will be damned before I let some whore claim you for her own.”

He doesn’t even get a chance to open his mouth to reply since the next moment Loki kisses him viciously, all of his anger and jealousy manifesting itself in the brutal clash of lips on lips.

Thor is momentarily stunned by Loki’s ruthless assault, but as soon as he comprehends his situation he yields happily to Loki’s forcible kiss, opening his mouth to allow the Trickster whatever he wants. He isn’t passive for long, as soon as Loki’s tongue sinks into his mouth Thor surges forward to give Loki as good as he’s got, slipping his arms about his slender waist and pulling him into a fierce embrace, while Loki proceeds to ravish him senseless.

When Loki finally pulls away they’re both panting, and Thor tries to remember if he’s ever been kissed like that before, he doesn’t think so, and if he has it didn’t mean what this one did to him.

Loki presses their foreheads together and there’s a minute’s pause where Thor simply enjoys the closeness before Loki says roughly, “Tell me now, tell me now if you do not want this.”

Thor can’t think of anything he’s ever wanted more, so the question is nothing short of absurd to him. Rather than say that though he rumbles, “Never,” before catching Loki in another kiss.

Loki growls and allows the kiss for a moment before pushing him back and ordering harshly, “Armor off and get on the bed.”

A shiver runs through Thor, but he’s hardly scared and instead all he feels is anticipation. He separates from Loki and moves to the foot of his bed before he begins stripping obediently. Thor has never been ashamed of his body, his problem with Loki was primarily his shame for wanting him in the first place, so it isn’t difficult for him to lay himself bare.

When Thor climbs on the bed and tries to slip between the covers Loki orders sharply, “Do not dare, it is a crime to hide that body.”

Thor stills immediately, and after his mind has processed Loki’s command he stretches out and lies down on top of the covers in compliance.

Loki prowls towards him, shedding his coat along the way, and comes to a stop beside the bed, so he’s right next to him.

The Trickster then begins to strip with slow purposeful movements, while holding his gaze the entire time, and Thor knows he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight even if he tried.

Loki is absolutely gorgeous in Thor’s opinion, with his sharp refined features and natural elegance and grace he looks more like an elf with dark hair than anything else. His smooth flawless milk white skin stretches tautly over his tall slender form and Thor wants nothing more than to see how soft that skin is and feel the powerful sinewy muscles that lie beneath it. Thor definitely appreciates Loki’s understated strength, and though he isn’t built like him he has no doubts as to how strong and capable Loki truly is.

Thor’s breath catches when Loki draws his leather breeches down before standing tall and stepping out them carelessly. Thor tries to remember the last time he even saw Loki naked and thinks it must have been close to when they came of age, and even then they weren’t as filled out as they are now, sculpted by their lifestyles and experiences. Loki’s long lean legs seem to go on for miles and he’s entirely devoid of hair besides what’s on his head and an inky sleek patch of curls crowning his cock, and personally Thor likes the look, anything else would mar the picture of his flawless skin. Of course what really draws his attention is Loki’s length that is nothing short of respectable and even impressive. It’s a fetching ruddy shade of pink, and more than a little interested in the proceedings, and Thor can’t wait to feel it press up against him and better yet inside him.

Thor doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Loki pounces on him. He groans as Loki settles atop him and can’t resist reaching up and running his calloused palms down Loki’s slender back, gripping at the soft skin, his touches greedy as if he is a man starved.

Loki hums in contentment before swooping down and capturing him in a searing kiss making Thor groan at the intensity. When Loki rocks his hips down into Thor’s he pulls away from the kiss with a gasp making Loki chuckle darkly.

“So desperate,” Loki purrs against his ear, nipping the lobe of his ear before taking it between his teeth and worrying it gently. All Thor can do is groan under the assault and clutch at Loki tightly.

Loki begins to work over him in a slow methodical manner, licking, biting, teasing, and worrying what seems like every inch of his skin until Thor is a puddle of need. Every attempt to lay his hands on Loki after he begins his assault is thwarted by a long fingered hand forcing his own back into place above his head making him whine helplessly and receive only dark chuckles for his trouble.

Loki keeps him unbelievably aroused by dictating the absolutely torturous rhythm of their hips rocking together and finally Thor just can’t take it anymore, whining desperately, “Lokiiii.”

Loki chuckles at him again, but slips a slender thigh between his and Thor widens his legs accommodatingly so Loki can settle between them. Before Thor can become uncomfortable with the vulnerability of the new position Loki wraps his slender hand around his length making him choke on a breath of air, and his groan into Loki’s mouth sounds a lot more like a moan.

When Loki pulls away he looks at Thor steadily, even though Thor struggles to maintain the eye contact with that lovely hand stroking his cock, and asks seriously, “Have you ever done this Thor?”

Thor can’t help that his cheeks go a bit pink and he has to swallow before he can articulate quietly, “Not like this no, I would never allow anyone else but you.”

Loki’s smile is wicked, but Thor can tell he’s pleased even before he replies, “Then I am going to make you spill first, you need to be relaxed.”

Thor can’t even voice his assent so he simply nods instead. Even if he’s never wanted anything more it doesn’t mean he isn’t at least a little bit nervous.

Loki leans down and kisses him deeply before murmuring against his lips, “Stop thinking Thor,” and emphasizes his point by stroking Thor’s cock distractingly.

Thor exhales a shuddering breath and tries to relax, but when Loki murmurs something he feels slick making him startle in surprise. Loki chuckles and remarks, “At least I am allowed enough seidr for this, it is far easier this way.”

Before Thor can formulate a reply Loki has slithered down his body and licked a long stripe up the underside of his length making him gasp and arc into the feeling. The Trickster is quick to pin his hips with one hand to keep him still before taking his length into his mouth in earnest causing Thor to grip the furs tightly.

Thor drifts in a state of bliss and he knows he won’t last terribly long if this sort of treatment continues, but his mindless pleasure is interrupted by Loki smoothing his free hand over the top of his thigh. He widens his thighs obediently and tries not to tense too badly when he feels the first brush of Loki’s finger against a place where he has never allowed another to touch him.

He’s startled by the sensitivity but Loki works to distract him quickly with his attention to his cock, and gradually Thor relaxes into the unfamiliar, but not unpleasant, caress of Loki’s fingertip circling around his slickened entrance.

Thor gasps when Loki finally slips his finger into him, but the Trickster is remarkably gentle and gives him time to adjust to the foreign sensation before beginning to press the long digit in and out of him with painstaking slowness. As he becomes used to it Loki ups his attention to his cock and in fairly short order Thor is groaning his release, struggling to not pull on Loki’s inky hair as he does.

Loki milks him completely dry before pulling off his length and leaning up to kiss him, while keeping his finger inside him. Thor moans at the taste of himself on Loki’s tongue and when the Trickster pulls away Thor thinks he’s never seen anything more entrancing than Loki with swollen spit slicked lips. He looks… wild, seductive, and his eyes burn into Thor in a way he’s never seen before.

Thor’s attention is quickly captured by Loki moving the finger he has inside of him, tearing a shuddering gasp from his chest. Loki places a gentle kiss on his lips before sitting up to settle himself fully between Thor’s thighs.

“Relax,” Loki purrs, as he uses his left hand to rub at his lower stomach soothingly, “And just let the sensation roll over you.”

Thor does his best to comply, but when Loki adds a finger and begins to really stretch him open it’s harder than he expected to remain that way. The pain is nothing more than discomfort and rather Thor struggles a little harder to come to grips with the strangeness of the sensation.

Loki does something as he twists his fingers within him and a startled cry escapes Thor involuntarily as white hot pleasure lances up his spine. Loki laughs softly and continues to stretch him open, and Thor relaxes much easier into the sensation with occasional sparks of intense pleasure running through him, that he’s sure Loki is managing intentionally.

When Loki finally removes his fingers from him Thor realizes he’s had three fingers in him and he doesn’t remember when Loki added the third. Thor shakes himself out of his daze as Loki leans up his body, caging him with his long wiry arms.

Loki steals a passionate kiss and Thor can feel his slickened length brush against his own making his breath hitch in anticipation. When Loki pulls away he remains close and runs his hand down the outside of his thigh causing Thor to wrap his legs around the Trickster’s narrow hips in compliance.

Thor groans at the feeling of the tip of Loki’s length brushing his sensitive entrance. He feels empty and he knows only one thing will satisfy him.

Loki doesn’t ask if he’s ready, he only murmurs, “Breathe,” against his lips before beginning to press inside.

Thor was not prepared for the feeling. It burns a little and he feels so full already with Loki pressed only a little ways inside, but at the same time he can’t get enough. When he grips Loki’s hips harder with his powerful thighs and pulls him in faster Loki doesn’t protest, but he definitely breathes a sigh of relief when he feels Loki’s hips settle fully against the cradle of his own.

As Thor tries to accustom himself to the feeling Loki distracts him with fleeting kisses and nips to his skin while he runs his long fingers through his hair soothingly.

When Loki finally rocks his hips into Thor’s he can only moan loudly and arc helplessly into the sensation.

“Beautiful,” Loki purrs, stroking his cheek affectionately, before unsheathing himself and thrusting back in firmly.

Thor nearly screams from the sensation alone and Loki has him completely undone within minutes. When Loki begins to thrust past that spot inside him that sends lighting up his spine Thor hardly lasts a minute, shouting his completion as he spills across his stomach. Perhaps what he enjoys the most though is the feeling of Loki spilling inside him, and he finally feels like he is truly connected to Loki in the way that he’s always craved.

Thor is quickly reduced to a puddle of contentment as the high of his completion wears off, and he thinks Loki feels just as good too judging by how heavy his body feels atop his own.

He suddenly wishes they could do it all over again.

“Do not worry, as soon as we are recovered I am going to fuck you again,” Loki murmurs against his neck making Thor smile.

…

Basking in the wake of their last coupling Thor feels content, and so sated that he does not even offer a token of protest as Loki cleans him up and then settles him beneath the covers.

He’s never felt so fucked out in his life, and his body feels deliciously raw and used, which he knows he’ll regret in the morning, but right now he doesn’t care.

When Loki returns from the washroom he extinguishes the remaining candles and crawls into bed with him, drawing him close, and Thor readily snuggles against him, twining their legs together and slipping a thick arm around his slender waist.

Loki uses his hand to gently caress his face and neck and simply regards him silently. Thor watches him for a minute before closing his eyes and just enjoying the attention.

Eventually Loki breaks the silence to murmur softly, “Never in an era would I have imagined you wanted this.”

Thor opens his eyes and queries, “To be with you, you mean?”

Loki shakes his head slightly and replies, “No, you are very tactile and like to be close to others, but to learn you wanted something like this with me was more than a little surprising for me at first admittedly.”

Loki pauses and Thor draws away slightly thinking he may have done something very wrong in taking Loki up on this. His mind only begins to get on the tangent that perhaps this is when Loki chooses to break him completely when Loki says, “It is not a bad thing, or at least I do not see it as such.”

Thor breathes a slightly shaky breath of relief. Loki’s gaze reconnects with his and he smiles gently as he uses the pad of his thumb to rub over the line of his cheekbone.

“I meant,” Loki continues quietly, “That your strength has always been so absolute. I would have never imagined that you would let me have you like this, much less want me to.”

There’s a long pause and Thor isn’t sure what to say exactly but Loki picks up again before he can form any kind of reply with, “I was angry when Sleipnir told me.”

Thor flinches slightly, but Loki keeps his hold on him to keep him from retreating as he continues, “I was angry because at first I thought it was you being your old typical self and throwing a pity party for yourself because you could not have me the way you wanted. I thought you wanted me for purely selfish purposes, to own me and keep me like I was some pet at your beck and call, and it made me angry, so angry. Before this your need for me has always been solely at your choosing, dismissing me again as soon as you were done. I just… I could not be your toy for something like this, and it made me angry to think that is what you wanted me for. But as time wore on you got worse and it finally occurred to me that you might really want me more than I gave you credit for. I felt that if I could reenter our relationship in a position of control then I would feel safe from your abandonment if you did it again.”

Thor feels thoroughly ashamed that he ever did anything to substantiate such thoughts in Loki’s mind, but there’s no denying that he has abused Loki and his loyalty thoroughly in the past. His reminiscing is cut short by Loki murmuring almost to himself, “But after a bit I realized this is actually what you wanted. You did not want a subordinate at all, and more surprising still you wanted to allot me control in all things. I prefer it this way, but I never would have imagined you would.”

Thor looks down slightly and murmurs, “Sometimes the mantle that rests upon my shoulders feels so great I feel as if I will be crushed by it. When I am with you I feel like I can shed it without guilt or shame or worry that everything will fall apart including myself when I am not wearing it. You keep me sane and grounded, but I want you for so much more than that, need you for so much more than that in ways that I cannot even put into words it seems.”

Thor looks up at Loki and says sincerely, “You are my everything and I will never leave you, and I want you by my side for as long as you want to stay. I love you no matter what.”

Loki smiles gently, but his eyes glow with sincerity and happiness in a way Thor has never seen from him before even in the darkness, and he allows Loki to draw him in for a kiss.

When Loki relinquishes his lips Thor snuggles closer, placing his head on Loki’s chest and allowing the soothing rhythm of his breathing and the gentle petting of his hair to lull him to sleep.

Just as the fringes of his consciousness begin to feel fuzzy Thor feels lips against his hair and hears the soft murmur of, “And I you Thor.”

Thor falls asleep with a smile on his face and nothing but contentment in his heart.