Chapter Text
After a disastrous morning with Thatcher, the intern test, and George’s attempt to make her feel better (which, while Meredith appreciated, didn’t help at all), Meredith couldn’t take the worried and pity looks her friends were throwing at her, so she stormed out of the lobby and made her way to the stairs on the fourth floor’s fire exit.
She wanted to be alone and just… think.
But apparently that was off the table because as soon as she entered, she heard crying and saw a woman there, sitting down on one of the steps.
She was about to turn around and leave the woman alone but she recognized that distinct red silky hair and to whom it belonged – there was only one woman in Seattle Grace Hospital who had such smooth-looking red hair that practically called anyone near it to touch and feel how smooth it was.
Addison Forbes Montgomery.
It wasn’t the first time she caught the woman crying. The chaotic aftermath of prom was...something she wanted to forget (and beg forgiveness for). She knew she might not be the best person to comfort the redhead, considering the latter might hate her (and reasonably so), still, there was something about Addison that made her hesitate to just leave her crying like that, alone sitting on a staircase of a hospital.
So, against her better judgment, instead of turning around and leaving, Meredith closed the door and walked further inside towards the redhead, down the stairs until she was sitting beside her.
Meredith sat quietly beside the crying redhead for a few minutes. Neither of them said anything – not that the redhead noticed her presence or something.
When Meredith heard Addison’s sobs turned into mere occasional sniffles, she thought it was best to talk to the redhead. “Hey…”
Addison snapped her head towards her. If Meredith wasn’t staring at Addison’s face the whole time, she wouldn’t have noticed the surprise that flashed through the neonatal surgeon’s red face.
While Addison tried to school her expression and look composed, she didn’t quite succeed.
Meredith didn’t have the heart to tell her that her eyes – her brilliant green eyes, puffy but all the more mesmerizing – gave her sadness and her pain away.
“It’s test day today, isn’t it? Is it done?” Addison asked, her voice hoarse from all the crying. There was a tinge of curiosity in her tone and she looked as though she was ready to kick the blonde out of there just so she could be left in peace.
Meredith merely shrugged her shoulders. “It’s done.”
The way Meredith sounded didn’t sit well with Addison. The blonde sounded detached and cold, but there was an underlying tone of resignation and resentment that nagged on the redhead.
Addison wanted to probe more but Meredith beat her to it.
“So, you okay? I’m hoping that, this time, your tears aren't because of me anymore.”
Addison couldn’t help but chuckle at the blonde’s dry humor, wet and subdued it may be, it was her first genuine chuckle today, so she was grateful for the blonde for doing that.
“No, no.. I just – uh – I just had too many pregnant women today.”
Meredith raised an eyebrow at the unusual statement from the redhead. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you an OBGYN? You know those doctors who deal with pregnant women?”
Addison rolled her eyes and leaned her head on the stairway railing, looking at the blonde. “Seriously, what are you doing here, Grey?”
Meredith just shrugged again. “I just wanted to be alone for a while… and well, I thought the staircase is the way to go but –” Meredith gestured to her and smirked.
“There are other staircases here, Grey. Find your own crying spot. This is mine.”
“Misery loves company, you know.” Meredith smirked.
Addison stared at her for a while, befuddled yet curious. “Stop it.”
Meredith’s smirk dropped and was replaced with a confused frown. “Stop what?”
“You’re bantering with me.”
“B-bante — What’s wrong with that?” Meredith asked, still confused and a bit indignant.
“What’s wrong with that ?” Addison repeated, her voice incredulous. “Wha-What’s wrong!? ”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with bantering with y–?”
“Because we don’t do that! We don’t banter . We’re not friends . I’m your boyfriend’s ex-wife ; and you’re the girlfriend of my ex-husband . The ex-husband who I cheated on with our best friend . The best friend who knocked me up with a fucking baby...”
Meredith’s mouth dropped at the revelation and stood up because holy hell she couldn't process that while sitting. Nope. Nawp. No siree! She wasn’t expecting that.
But that wasn’t all, because the redhead kept going.
“The baby who I aborted because I couldn’t deal with their fucking manwhore of a father. And now … Now I missed my chance. Now … I have two eggs left.” Addisons’ eyes were watering again but she continued. “I might as well have no eggs left.” Addison chuckled dryly. “I am egg- less ..” She joked dryly. “Naomi, my best friend, says she’s all dried up. I’m the one who’s dried up. I’m all barren and all dried up; and I have clearly been wasting my time on men.” She ranted, wiping her nose with her hand.
Meredith just kept listening to her, her brows furrowed in concern.
“I mean, I might as well take up hobbies, like needlepoint or, um, collecting those little ceramic dolls, you know? Because that’s what dried-up women do. They needlepoint. They do not waste their time flirting with men who clearly just wanna get laid… or bantering with people who were clearly not their friend, they do not waste their time –” Addison’s voice cracked and looked up at Meredith who was intently listening to her, then she paused, realizing her blunder. “– telling overly personal information about their eggs to the girlfriend of their ex-husbands.” Her voice became a whisper on that last part.
Feeling embarrassed, Addison suddenly stood up, opting to just leave and get the fuck out of there to save what little was left of her dignity. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry.”
Meredith should have let her go, she should have let her be – like what she did back when she first caught her crying in the supply closet – but she couldn’t. Not again. Not anymore.
So, again… against her better judgment, Meredith caught Addison by her waist and pushed her backward so her weight was on the railings.
“What are you doing?” Addison asked.
Meredith didn’t know what in the world possessed her to say (and do) what she was about to, but somehow… she did. (If anyone asked her, she’d just say she stopped thinking and did something wild – because that's what this was. It was wild...ly inappropriate, but did she care? Of course not.) “I’m gonna kiss you now..” Meredith said, looking straight at Addison’s greyish-green eyes that tempted to suck the soul out of her body.
Addison’s eyes widened a bit, but she was now also staring at Meredith’s captivating blue eyes. “Wh-what?”
“I’m gonna kiss you… with tongue. I’m gonna kiss you, so you feel it. Okay?”
They stared at each other for a few minutes – Addison thinking whether the blonde was serious; Meredith internally freaking out about it. Meredith was about to take it back when Addison wiped her nose and answered with a quiet – “Okay.”
(If Addison were to be asked why she agreed, she’d say that she stopped thinking and just did something wild like say yes to a kiss from the person your ex-husband cheated on you with. Great. )
Meredith held Addison’s hips tighter and slowly leaned towards the redhead. Once their lips touched, all the doubts and the admonishment in both their minds quietened. With their eyes closed, nothing was quite as important as feeling each other’s lips; nothing was more intoxicating than the taste of each other’s lips.
Meredith swiped her tongue on Addison’s lower lip, urging the redhead to open her mouth which she readily obeyed. As promised, Meredith slipped her tongue in the redhead’s mouth, as Addison also did, and their tongue moved against each other, intertwined and engaged in a sensual dance of exploring each other’s mouths.
Addison practically melted with the kiss. She raised her hand to place them on the blonde’s neck but changed her mind a second after, her arms going slack on her side.
However, once Meredith pushed closer towards her, her hands slipping up on her upper back to hold her closer, Addison couldn’t resist the pleasured moan from escaping from her lips and finally gave in to the urge of slipping her arms around the blonde’s neck.
They kissed for a few more seconds until the kiss naturally made its end, both breathing heavily after.
Addison opened her eyes and looked at Meredith, swallowing at the sight of Meredith’s eyes – the blue of it barely noticeable with how blown-out it was – staring right at her. “Why’d you do that?” She whispered.
Meredith tucked a loose hair on Addison’s ear and whispered. “To remind you… that you’re not dried up.”
Addison stared at her for a few more seconds, confused and convinced that the last few minutes did not actually happen.
“B-but.. Derek –” Addison tried to reason.
Meredith smiled. “Relax, Addison. We’re not together anymore.”
Addison’s glazed eyes sharpened at Meredith’s revelation. She perked up and asked, brows furrowed. “What do you mean you’re not together?”
“We broke up.”
“Y-you did?”
“Mhm..”
“W-when?”
“Last week. We didn’t want to make it a big deal…”
“W-why?”
Meredith looked at her, as if expecting her to know the answer to that question.
“I mean, why did you break up?”
Meredith pursed her lips. “He wanted … more from me. He wanted more than I could give him.”
“And what is that?” Addison asked, but caught herself. “I–I mean.. Y-you don’t have to answer that, of course. I, um.. It’s not really my business.”
Meredith shrugged. “It’s fine.”
Addison was about to change the subject, but Meredith answered. “He wanted a baby.”
Addison froze. “H–he w–wanted –”
Meredith laughed dryly and nodded her head. “Yep. He wanted a baby, and I can’t give him that.”
Addison’s brows furrowed. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean now, Meredith –”
Meredith shook her head. “Yeah, no. I know that.. But regardless of the when, Addison. I can’t give him a baby.”
“Oh.” Addison tilted her head. “You don’t want a baby?”
“It’s not that … well, it’s not like I actively thought whether I did want or not want them.. It’s just not a possibility… not for me.”
Curious and very very much intrigued (and a bit concerned too), Addison couldn’t help but probe further. “Why?”
Meredith looked at Addison’s curious (and concerned) face, thinking whether it was okay to tell Addison but then again, the woman had told her about her condition. Meredith guessed there was nothing wrong in telling Addison about hers too.
“Well, I – I have a hostile uterus.” Meredith admitted.
Addison’s brows raised in surprise. “As in –”
“As in my cervical mucus is so thick that it literally destroys the sperm cells that try to pass through.”
Addison stared at Meredith in disbelief. “How’d you find out?”
“My mom may not be a good mother, but she is a great surgeon and a health buff. She took me to the doctor for an annual general examination since I was 12. When I got my first period at 14, she had me go to an OBGYN and did multiple tests on me, so I wouldn’t get pregnant or for whatever reason she had. That’s when we found out about it. Initially, we thought that there might be a way to cure it, because it is curable –”
Addison nodded her head, knowing the treatments possible for hostile uterus because she had multiple patients who had the same.
“–but it wouldn’t work out. Tests showed there was no way. After that, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’d never become a mother; it just isn’t possible for me. Plus I might be terrible at it anyway; no child would want me as a mother.”
“That’s not true, Meredith. There are other ways to make you pregnant and you will be a good mother –”
Meredith shook her head and brushed Addison’s admonishment. “It’s fine. I dealt with it already.”
Sensing that Meredith didn’t want to talk about it further, Addison respected that and did not push it anymore.
After that, Meredith and Addison found themselves sitting side by side on the steps again, just staring at nothing, but their minds were whirring with rapid thoughts and ideas.
“How weird is that?” Meredith started.
Addison turned her head to look at her. “What is?”
“That you have a functioning oven, with no buns; and I have plenty of buns with a dysfunctional oven.”
Addison rolled her eyes. “Misery really does love company, huh.”
Meredith chuckled, her eyes wet.
Silence.
“What happened to your intern test, Meredith?” Addison asked after a while – it had been killing her to ask about it and know the answer since she saw Meredith here. Addison was admittedly lacking in a lot of things, but she was a goddamn good teacher – she cared for her students, for her interns’ career, more so for Meredith Grey’s future because she witnessed how brilliant of a surgeon the woman actually was. (She wasn’t kidding when she told Derek that Meredith came highly recommended)
Addison waited for an answer, but there wasn’t one. She was about to retract her question, fearing that maybe she overstepped (though she knew she didn’t) when Meredith answered.
“I flunked it.”
Addison’s eyes widened. “Wh-what?? You… flunked it?”
Meredith shrugged her shoulders, not answering.
Addison blinked. “H-how is that possible? Y-you never fail at anything.”
Meredith’s brow raised at the neonatal surgeon’s statement, pleased that the latter apparently thought that highly of her.
“I–I m-mean…” Addison stammered, before she exhaled and leveled the blonde with a piercing look. “Look, Grey. You’re a good surgeon. One of the best residents this hospital ever had, I’m quite sure… We … may not… have the best personal history but I do respect you as a surgeon. As a fellow surgeon and as your teacher, I am quite confident about your abilities and your knowledge. You are born for this job, Meredith, so forgive me if I can’t wrap my head on the possibility that… you flunk it.”
Meredith preened at Addison’s praise. Okay, it wasn’t the first time that she was praised by another surgeon, by her teacher (Derek had done that so many times), but for some reason, Addison’s words had more effect on her. Addison made her want to believe that she was actually a good surgeon; that she deserved to be here; that she earned her place. It was probably because she knew Addison would never lie to her, would never shower her with compliments just so she would sleep with her, would never say what she didn’t mean.
“Not unless –” Addison paused, realization hitting her. “You purposely flunk it!?” She exclaimed, which made Meredith wince.
“I, uh, I m-may have … not answered it?” Meredith stammered, feeling small and quite foolish now with what she did earlier.
Addison noticed how uncomfortable Meredith looked, so she relaxed her stance and placed a comforting hand on top of Meredith’s. “What happened?”
Meredith shrugged.
“Talk to me, Mer.”
For some reason, the sound of her nickname from Addison’s lips softened Meredith’s resolve and made her spill her thoughts out to the redhead.
“I didn’t write a single thing on the answer sheet. It’s just – after what happened with Susan, my stepmother – and then with Thatcher earlier today…”
“In the funeral?”
Meredith shook her head. “No.. I – I wasn’t able to go to the funeral.”
“Oh.”
“Mhm.. Thatcher came here and…” Meredith swallowed the lump on her throat. “He, uh, told me not to come. Susan trusted me… she … trusted me to be a good surgeon… she entrusted her life… to me ; and I failed her.”
Addison squeezed Meredith’s hand and let the blonde continue.
“I felt undeserving of the title… of being a surgeon. Simple hiccups –” Meredith chuckled dryly, wiping her tears away. “– and she was gone. Why did I become a surgeon if I couldn’t save the people I love? My mom… Ellis, she died, and I… wasn’t there. I couldn’t do anything.. Now, Susan.. She was more of a mom than Ellis ever was, y’know?” Meredith smiled, remembering how Susan exerted effort to get to know her and to get her and Thatcher to bond and get along. “For the first time in my life, despite my initial reluctance, I felt like I knew how it was to have a mom… because of her and I let her die.” She sobbed.
There was no hesitation on the part of Addison when she pulled the blonde’s head towards her to rest it on her shoulder and wrapped the blonde in a comforting hug. She enveloped her in her arms and rubbed her back, hoping to give her comfort she seemed to need but wouldn’t ask for.
They spent a few minutes like that, with Addison rubbing her back and whispering soothing words to calm Meredith down. They were like that until Meredith stopped and lifted her head up. Her eyes, that screamed determination, looked at Addison and she said. “Let me help you be a mother, Addison.”
Addison didn’t even bother to hide her shock at Meredith’s statement. She just stared at Meredith’s blazing eyes, incapable of saying anything.
“I’ll be your egg donor.”
“W-what –”
“You have a functioning uterus, I don’t. You only have 2 eggs, I have plenty.. I can give you a baby, Addison. I can help you be a mother.”
Addison was speechless. She didn’t expect the blonde to volunteer her… eggs? Just what the hell was going on. First, the blonde kissed her, then now… just what the hell? She didn’t know.
“I-I –”
“Let me do this for you, Addison. Please, let me help you..”
Before Addison could properly say something, the door opened and Izzie’s voice echoed. “Meredith!”
When Izzie looked down, she saw the hunched, hugging form of a puffy-eyed Meredith and an equally puffy-eyed Addison Montgomery.
Oh gosh. Izzie felt like she was in some kind of a dream. How was this real?
Even so, she shook her head. There were more important things to think about right now.
Her friend’s future is the direst.
“I need you to come with me, Mer. George talked to the Chief… you can retake the intern test. Just – just come with me, please.” Izzie implored, expecting the twisted sister to resist.
Addison stood up and took Meredith’s hands to pull her up.
Izzie watched them, looking curious and confused.
Meredith looked at Addison, trying to decipher any answer from Addison’s impassive face. “Addison?”
Addison smiled. “Don’t worry about anything else, Meredith. Focus on your test. We’ll talk, okay?”
Meredith was hesitant at first but she nodded anyway.
“Go. Goodluck. Ace that test, Grey.” Addison warned with a playful glare.
Meredith smiled at that, tension on her shoulders easing a bit. “Right. Thank you, Dr. Montgomery.”
Addison nodded. “Thank you , Dr. Grey.”
Addison watched as Meredith walked up the stairs and took Izzie’s outstretched hand. Meredith glanced over her shoulder to look at Addison one last time, so Addison smiled and gave her a thumbs up, then the door closed, leaving Addison alone again.
This time, however, instead of tears, there was a small genuine smile on her face.
What a wild day.