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Daryl Dixon was sitting on the outside the house Deanna had provided for his family in Alexandria. His head leaned back on the rails looking off into the distance, afraid to go in, afraid to let go.
But someone else had other plans, he had a visitor.
"What cha doing out here?" a voice said from the doorway. He looked up and saw her. Her blonde hair loose around her shoulders shimmering in the golden sun, her long milky white dress clung loosely to her shoulders and spilled down her body. There was no blood, no dirt, no gaping hole in her head.
Daryl looked at her in disbelief-and relief-. He was afraid to talk lest she leave. He wanted her to come closer. He wanted to yell at her and tell how stupid she was. He wanted to jump up and run to her and grab her and hold her. But he did none of those things, he just looked at her between the hair falling from his eyes.
She languidly walked toward him and sat down next to him. Resting her head on the rails, she turned to him and said ” We both know you could use a bath.”
He turned his head to her and scoffed. Was this real or in his head? He wouldn’t ask her because frankly, he didn’t care.
They sat side by side, looking into each other, yearning for things that weren’t. She reached up and swept his hair from his eyes.
"If I were here, I’d have made sure you took a bath by now."
He looked at her and smirked. “Don’t tell anybody this, but that’s probably true.” He took a pause and looked down at his hands and chewed on his lip. “For you, I would have done a lot of things, Beth. Things I wasn’t sure I could do, but I wanted to do them for you. You gave me hope” his voice cracked and tears came to his eyes “and now that hope is gone.”
Beth grabbed his chin in her hands and made him look at her. Her eyes were fierce. “It is not gone Daryl Dixon. It’s in here” she pointed to his heart “it’s where I am.”
She smoothed the tears from his face and eyes and stood. She let out her hand “Come, lets go get you clean” He stood and took her hand. He followed her into the house, never taking his eyes off her, not even for a second. He walked past the living room where his family was playing cards and telling stories. He could hear muffles of people speaking to him. But he didn’t listen. He was concentrated on one thing, and that one thing glided up the staircase in front of him singing ” and pine for summer…and we’ll buy a beer to shotgun..and lay on the lawn…”
She led him to an empty room and went into the attached bathroom to start the shower. “I think this is good” she said to him. They stood face to face in the middle of the room. Even inside, she still glowed like the summer sun. “Now don’t be shy Mr. Dixon” she said to him teasingly. He looked at her unsure of what to do.
She reached to her shoulder and let the strap of her dress fall, as she reached to the other shoulder she said “Can I tell you a secret?” The dress fell to the floor and she was naked in front of him, her skin as golden and milky as her dress.
"God told me something." He looked at her up and down then stared into her eyes. She was calm and radiant.
"He told me" she continued "That were destined to fall in love. He made it so. I was going to love you Daryl Dixon, and you were going to love me" She paused to take off his cross bow from over his shoulder.
"We were supposed to have a family, five children in all. Four boys and one girl. Our girl would have been the youngest and your favorite." Beth took off his vest, and shirt. He stared at her in disbelief, but wanted to know more.
"God had willed it so, she just was waiting for us to grow. We both needed to grow first." She guided him to the bed and had him sit, there while she took off his shoes and socks. She stood him up again.
"But what happened is when destiny, chance, and human will cross paths. God doesn’t create everything, but sets us along our paths." Beth said and slid his pants down to the ground "And what happens, is a product of chance and our own will."
She paused and looked into the distance. A wave of grief took over her. “I couldn’t let her have Noah, Daryl. I couldn’t leave him there. I just couldn’t.” Beth started to tear up and bent her head down.”My heart couldn’t take it.”
"Shhh" Daryl said. He grabbed her chin and made her look at him. They were both naked in front of each other. Standing face to face, eye to eye. He searched her eyes and met her tears with his own.
He wanted to tell her, that was why he felt the way he did about her. Why he cared about her so much, but “You’re beautiful.” was all he could say.
She looked up at him and smiled with her eyes and a big grin. “I think the bath is ready. ” She led him to the bathtub, place him inside and got in behind him. He leaned into her as she washed his hair and his body. She sang softly and low and while he was thinking of what it would be like to have a family, to have someone to love who loved him in return, he drifted off to sleep.
—-
When he woke he was in the bed. Clean and clothed. He jumped when he realized she was gone. He looked around and didn’t see her. Suddenly, she appeared on the pillow next to him, her golden blond hair laying all around on her pillow and her white dress smooth like water running downstream.
"Don’t worry, I’m not gone yet. You may not always see me, but I’ll be here."
He grunted in reply. Beth, reached over and smoothed the hair from his face. She looked at him tenderly, lovingly and without hesitation. “You know when God told me about us, he told me because he wanted me to experience love. He was sad my life ended, so she gave me a gift. He shared with me what our memories would have been, he gave them to me, they are my memories now.” She paused and took his hand to her heart. “You were one fine man Daryl Dixon. You were a great husband and wonderful father. There is no life without problems, but you loved us. You loved us so fiercely. When we made love, when I felt your lips on mine, my life stopped existing and I became yours. You completed my life. When I touched you, I knew I was safe. When you kissed me, I knew I was alive. Your body communicated to me what words couldn’t. So I’m not sad, I’m oh so very happy now.” Beth smiled. “I love you Daryl Dixon” Daryl looked at her and smiled, he knew deep down it was true.
"God didn’t tell me what was going to happen to you. She only said you will find your way." Beth paused and smiled lost in thought and looked away from him. "I’m going to tell you something you told me when we first started to be together. We had a fight, you had left and I didn’t know where you were or what you were thinking. You came back, you came into my tent. And even though we were both visibly angry, you took one look at me, and I took one look at you, and we instantly came to one another. We made love later and as we lay on the sleeping bag, your hand on my belly and your head nuzzled under my chin you said to me something that I never forgot. Without looking at me, you said ‘Beth, even though I can’t always say it, I do love you’." Brought back to the present, Beth grabbed Daryl’s cheek and said "Remember that Daryl, even though I can’t always say it, I do love you. You are loved Daryl Dixon"
There was a brief knock on the door, as it swayed open. “Hey, just wanted to check on you. “Rick said looking at Daryl laying in bed. “I heard you mumbling to yourself.”
Daryl looked over to the pillow next to him. he reached out feeling the pillow, searching for her.
"Did you loose something?" Rick asked concerned for his brother.
"Yes…No, I think I found it." Daryl threw his arm over his forehead and looked up to the ceiling. "At least, I’m trying to find it. Goodnight, Rick."
"Goodnight Daryl" and with that, Rick left Daryl to his thoughts. I hope you do find it Daryl, I hope you do.