Chapter Text
The first time it happens it is not a conscious choice by any means.
Phupha is doing his morning patrol diligently when he sees a pair of hornbills sitting near each other on a tree branch. While he smiles up at them, a sudden pain in his chest reminds him of the day when he and Tian saw the birds together and how much he misses the younger one from his side.
He isn't regretting his choice to let Tian go, and the fact that he was able to send him off with the promise of waiting for him, no matter how long it takes, is something he can hold onto. Still, it is hard to be the one left behind, not knowing when the day of Tian’s arrival will come.
Back at the base Phupha goes on with his daily routine but, as the night falls, he becomes restless. The other rangers are back at their own homes for the night and Nam is a less frequent guest here since he and his wife are expecting their first child.
Phupha feels like he can't go to sleep just yet, and he doesn't feel like playing the khlui either, not when it would only bring up another painfully sweet memory of Tian. After giving it some thought. he brings up his painting equipment and a blank canvas and starts to paint.
He gets engulfed in his work and soon he feels like nothing exists beside the task at hand. The brush in his hand sliding on the canvas gracefully while his mind wanders back to that day on the cliff again. He was so nervous back then it could be laughable at now, but he still remembers how helpless he felt. He had never been on a date before and he just knew that was one, he could see it in Tian’s eyes when the teacher asked Phupha to take him to the cliff. And he had every intention to treat their outing as one no matter how awkward he felt.
As a tree branch comes to life under his hand, he remembers that stupid shirt Nam insisted he should wear. He can still recall the feeling of the unfamiliar fabric on his back, remembers how strange he felt wearing it, and how he wanted to die of humiliation when Tian took off the price tag he hadn't even noticed.
He dips the brush onto the black paint and goes on with his work while more memories find their way to the surface. Mundane things he didn't even realize catching his attention at the time. Like how fluffy Tian’s hair was; how his hands disappeared to form sweater paws as he clearly felt cold; how his eyes shone brighter than the Sun as he listened to Phupha telling him about his family.
Hours pass and Phupha still works on the painting as if in some kind of trance. Memories are invading his mind but while it can be hurting in other days, now he relishes in them and feels like he is channelling them to the painting which is almost done by now.
The vibrant yellow he now uses reminds him of the sunlight that kissed Tian's hair when they were up in the cliff. He can't wait to bring Tian back to that place again. As he finishes his work, Phupha imagines what their next time together in that place will be like. He is going to hug Tian. He is going to kiss him even, and never let him go ever again. And he is going to tell him how much he means to Phupha.
After a quick wash-up he finally lies on his bed and soon he is sleeping soundly. At his head a uniquely embroidered tea sachet can be found and propped against the wall is a freshly made painting of two hornbills snuggling together.