Chapter Text
Dark smoke billows across the sliver of open sky peaking through the rubble of the homes around me. I lay flat on my back in the shadows of their ruins, cold and confused. It's dark down here, and I'm not exactly sure how I got wherever here was, but by some miracle I'm still alive.
I slowly sit up to pull myself out of the mess of splintered wood and stone, but immediately double over. I cringe into myself, watery eyes clenched shut with a hand to my head. My nostrils flare and my teeth grind as I try to breathe through the pain. But after a moment, as it finally begins to fade, a deafening ringing in my ears takes it's place.
The lack of noise since I'd woken up is a little concerning. It had been loud and chaotic seemingly moments ago. A sudden silence isn't typically a good sign; a bad omen if you will. Yet, right at this moment, I'm not sure if it's actually quiet, or the blast had damaged my hearing so much this ringing would be the last sound I'd ever hear.
I sit incredibly still, feeling for any kind of vibration in lieu of sound. Titan footsteps, explosions, giant rocks being hurled over the wall, anything. However, the city's incredibly still once again. The only movement I can sense is a few sparrows that flit about in the tall weeds that have grown freely in the city's abandonment. If the birds have come back from out of hiding, then surely the battle is over.
It has to be.
I pick myself up from the ground and instinctively dust off my clothes. My pants are torn at the knee and a little bloody, but I'm not injured that I can tell. My arms and legs feel a little stiff as I stretch them out, checking for any other wounds, but I seem to be otherwise relatively unscathed. As long as my gear's undamaged, I should be able to get out from this mountain of debris.
I give my holsters and harnesses a quick once-over, making sure everything's still intact and usable, then look for an easy route through the wreckage.
Most of the homes around me lay in ruin. The memories of the families that once lived there destroyed, never to be recovered. Though, the remainder that stand may be lost just as well. It would be nothing short of a miracle if Shiganshina were to be habitable again.
The blast from the Colossal Titan destroyed everything around it. It's a surprise anything's still standing at all, myself included. I could've easily been lost among the piles of memories; nothing more than a statistic of the war. Yet here I stand whether I deserve it or not.
I'm not sure if I believe in karma, but if this wasn't my punishment, I'm afraid to find out what is.
My head swims as I work my way closer to the homes that still stand. The world begins to tilt as my gaze turns up towards the roof. I take a second to close my eyes and breathe, hoping the vertigo fades, but I soon elect to ignore it and decide to take my chances.
I anchor to the home in front of me and quickly pull myself on top. I keep low, trying not to get myself spotted, and survey the area.
There aren't any Titans left standing that I can see. The Colossal Titan had either won and left, or it had been defeated, as impossible as that sounded. Though just as the former began to seriously cross my mind, about 5 houses away from where I lay, I notice the rest of my team. They stand scattered on two rooftops, looking far from celebratory.
They won't spot me from my position, but I can see them clearly. Thankfully, it seems they all survived. The number's the same. I count nine heads. Though as I look closer, I realize a few of them are different. Floch and the Commander are there now—though maybe in rough shape—but I don't see Moblit or Armin.
I breathe a sigh of relief seeing them still alive, it was looking grim for a while, however, something seems strange. They look apprehensive, on edge, like they're waiting for something to happen.
Just as I'm about to stand up and join the others, a bright flash, followed by an instantaneous plume of steam appears a few houses down from where they stand. Materializing on the spot is a fair haired Titan just a little taller than the homes around it.
My muscles tense as I involuntarily prepare to get as far away from it as possible, but I force myself to relax. The others stand still, just watching. They don't seem concerned, and I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself.
I stealthily launch to a roof a few houses over to get a better look. My eyes move back to the blonde Titan that now stands straight, revealing it's face as it's focus turns to something on the roof of the home it leans against.
The Titan looks hauntingly familiar. It looks a lot like..... no...
That can't be Armin...can it?
As I strain to get a better look at the Titan's facial features, I'm startled by a loud, guttural cry that raises the hair on the back of my neck.
Down on the roof is another familiar face twisted in fear. Squirming and shrieking in terror at the sight of the Titan now reaching towards him is Bertholdt.
My heart picks up speed sending icy adrenaline through my veins, numbing my entire body.
"No." I whisper out loud. "No no no no no!"
I finally put together what's happening, why everyone's acting so strangely. Bertholdt had been defeated, and Armin, who must've been given the serum, was about to kill him and take his power.
I inhale deeply to call out to him, but I immediately stop myself with a hand over my mouth.
What was I just about to do?
Nobody knew that I'd known about Bertholdt's secret for months. They all assumed I'd found out when they did. They believed he'd deceived me like he'd deceived them and I'd been just as much of a victim as they had.
But that's not the truth.
There's no way for Bertholdt to escape Armin's impending grasp. His limbs have been severed clean and he's going to be devoured unless someone does something, and soon.
His screams carry though the empty streets. He desperately cries out for someone to save him, but all he receives in return is his own echo. Nobody moves, nobody reacts. They simply stand and watch, waiting for it to be over.
I quickly cover my ears and clench my eyes shut, forcing myself to look away. I can't watch him die. His screams alone are already too much for my soul to bear.
I'm not worried about going deaf anymore. I'd accept it with open arms had I known this was coming. The sounds are going to echo in my mind for all of eternity. They'll nestle deep inside, only coming out at night when I lie awake, praying for sleep because the only relief from the screams I get is when I'm unconscious. But even then, the subconscious can be cruel.
I've been hearing my comrades' cries for years as they screamed and begged for their lives before being torn apart. It was truly, and utterly haunting. The last desperate cry of someone who knows the end is near, who knows that the last thing they'll feel is ineffable pain before they're gone. It's not something I'd ever thought I'd get used to.
However, nothing can truly compare to the sound of a loved one crying out for help, screaming in absolute terror and knowing you can't save them- or worse perhaps, knowing that you can, but for your own complicated reasons, won't. The unimaginable guilt was going to kill me.
How ironic that this would be the place of his death. The place it all began will also be where it ends. It feels like a sick joke.
The two of us had already made our peace and accepted that it was going to come down to us or them in the end. We agreed to go our separate ways when it came to it. Our situation wasn't ideal, but there wasn't another option to choose from. Not that we could figure out—and we definitely tried. It was simply kill or be killed, and it seems we'd won.
But regardless, here I am again, faced with yet another moral dilemma. Blood will spill no matter the choice I make. There's no avoiding it. Deep down, I know the right decision. The real question is, will I have it in me to do what's right? Can I sit idly by as the man I love is sacrificed for the good of mankind behind the walls?
On the other hand though, I'm surely already going to hell, so what's one more crime against humanity?
If Bertholdt could hear my thoughts just now, he'd be upset he'd ever dragged me into any of this. He isn't a bad person. He's done bad things, killed many people, but it was never with true malicious intent. I know it doesn't excuse any of his actions, not to anybody on this side of the walls anyways. But he never wanted to hurt anybody. The Bertholdt he allowed me to get to know was the real him. Kind, caring, compassionate. Though, before we'd ever met I thought he was a little scary. It's funny, the irony.
But the first day we met was already the beginning of the end. It was well over three years ago now. I wonder how different my life would have been had I never spoken to him that day.....