Work Text:
David settled down to work at the desk. He was determined to find something to take his mind off the flurry of activity that happened within the last few days. He was not used to such excitement, and if he had once or twice involved himself in high drama, those incidents where trifling compared to the shocks he received one after the other. Murdo’s father’s news of Murdo’s engagement. Seeing Euan and Elisabeth struggle to keep their happiness alive. Murdo’s dramatic challenge, and the prospect of a duel. His father’s face, as he let go of his favourite son. The way they had tied up Kimmel with legal clauses and freed Elisabeth. The power of the word, and honour between gentlemen, and the lack of it between a man and his wife. Thoughts chased each other in David’s head.
The most bewitching one, the nugget he had stowed aside to explore when he had time, the thought that made warmth rise within him every time he peeked at it, Murdo loved him! He had for years. Looking back over the months David had known him, he could see everything that happened from this perspective.
Murdo’s concern over him when he had been mugged leaving his house.
His grip on David’s shoulder, preventing him from confronting Euan. His name “David” uttered thickly for the first time.
His horrified eyes, when Euan took him away with him.
Murdo giving David the first taste of passion, if only he had known, how much more it had been. Murdo finding his pleasure, just looking at him.
His anger, they day they parted. The bruising kiss that had stayed with David for months. He still touched his tongue to the place, unconsciously.
Murdo’s look, when they had met two years later. How he had extended the invitation, but not pushed David.
The sight of him, lonely in his castle, gazing out at the fireworks. And then his eyes locking with David’s own, and the eagerness with which he ran down to invite him in.
Murdo’s possessive declaration to Captain Sinclair at the Opera, laying claim on him.
The day he had refused to give David pleasure, because he couldn’t bear David thinking of William.
The wreck he looked, when David awoke after his accident. David who had been too caught up in his injuries to pay thought to Murdo’s distress. Of course that had been love. He had fretted and hovered like a mother. If he had pushed to care for David, he had restrained himself from doing so much more. Murdo who could have easily taken over his life.
Their endless walks in the estate, the times their eyes caught with the same thought, or appreciation, working across the table.
Warm fires, good conversation and full belies lounging in his drawing room, content at the end of the day. David always pushing the thought away, that this would not last. Murdo, suffering, because he did not dare ask him to stay.
Every impulsive embrace David made, always surprising Murdo, the hesitancy, as he thought them through.
He could not believe he told Murdo he loved him in anger. Snapping at him, frustrated with his obtuseness. How had he expected Murdo to know his heart, when he guarded it so well?
His bruised heart, the one he had given on a plate to Will. Beautiful, green eyed Will, who had knocked it aside to save himself.
“Davy...” his old name and the touch of Wills hand on David’s forearm. Expectation, solicitation which barely moved David. Will was not offering love, just some hours of pleasure, trying to recapture a feeling he threw away so many years ago.
Will was no different from the Murdo he had met two years ago. The Murdo who wanted all that world had to give him. The wife the family and lovers on the side to ease his lust.
What had changed? When had it changed? He couldn’t see. David who had been so engrossed in the struggle within himself. Accepting Murdo’s passion as a give and take of pleasure. Touched but not understanding the slow burgeoning of Murdo’s feelings for him. Murdo on who’s lips his name had always sounded so different “David”
“David!”
David looked up, shaken out of his thoughts to see Murdo had entered the library. An amused smile on his face.
“I never told you properly” David said unthinkingly
“What?” Murdo confused.
“I shouted it at you, but never told you properly” David stood and went to stand in front of Murdo. His had rising to Murdo’s jaw.
“I shouted it at you in anger”
Murdo’s eyes cleared and softened. His hand came to clasp David’s at his jaw.
“I love you Murdo” David said, his voice rough as the words came out. “I have for a long time too, but I have let practical considerations stop me from admitting it to myself or to you.”
“You would have been a lot harder to leave, if I said the words”
“But you could have left” Murdo’s voice slightly bitter
David looked away, ashamed, but answered anyway.
“I never considered I had a choice. And I did not know… The life you lived, that you said you wanted, the gulf between who we were. You had no attachments to anyone… ”
Murdo grimaced as if conceding a point.
David looked back at into Murdo’s eyes, using his thumb to smooth back the sour lip.
Murdo smiled at him, chasing away the gloomy thoughts.
“I came to tell you dinner is served, and…”
David moved to draw back, habit forcing him to tidy his papers before leaving the room.
Murdo leaned forward going with him, his hand still holding David’s to his face. He planted a soft kiss on David’s lips.
David blushed, and Murdo laughed. He always enjoyed bringing colour to David’s face.
“That was the second time you said you loved me, I could not let it go without showing the appreciation it deserved. We made a jumble of it the last time.”
David smiled.
“You never had any competition” he said.
Murdo smiled also, catching his meaning. “You never had any competition either”
David’s eyes clouded. He had never thought to ask. He had accepted Murdo as who he was, his past, his experience his desires. He had been right, when he claimed Murdo had no affections. So naturally that made David the only one. Perhaps it was time to give thought on expanding Murdo’s circle, to find likeminded people he could feel more comfortable with, away from the politics and the peers he detested. David’s mind ran with the idea. After all they were no longer stealing a few forbidden months before getting on with their former lives, they were going to build their future together. He nodded to himself, and saw Murdo’s eyes quirk in question.
“Making plans” said David, hugging his thoughts to himself.
Murdo’s smiled widened. He caught David in his brawny arms for a swift hug, and murmured into his ear as he let go “I can’t wait”