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Rafael and Sonny walked together through Central Park, carefully avoiding the seemingly blind joggers and jumping from topic to topic of conversation. They stood close, but not too close, and made eye contact, but not too much eye contact. They had both been in relationships with other men before, but this felt different. It was the first time in a long while that Rafael wasn’t at his usual confidence level, and Sonny’s usual charm had turned into shaky laughs and occasionally stumbling words. Yet despite all that, it felt perfect, almost picturesque. Both men were dressed casually, though Sonny had often teased Rafael about his version of ‘casual’, and the unusually warm Spring day meant that the bulky jackets could be left at home.
They refused to call this outing a date even though they just had lunch and this was the third of a series of similar outings, the other two, however, involving dinner. When Sonny asked the other man out for that day and Rafael agreed, Sonny slipped and said “Great! It’s a date!” immediately looking as if he wanted to somehow take the words back and force them away. Neither of them had ever mentioned the ‘d word’ to the other, content to just enjoy the simple miracle of each others company. As they laughed at some joke Sonny made, they locked eyes and- were Sonny’s eyes always that green? They seemed a lot more green than usual, maybe it was the sun or the trees around them.
While Rafael was distracted by Sonny’s eyes, Sonny though about how to ask Rafael the question that had been hanging around his head- are we dating or just friends or what the hell is this? Realizing he’d been silent and staring into Sonny’s eyes for a few seconds too long, he abruptly broke the contact and stared at the ground for a second, trying desperately to clear his head, before looking up at the sky and squinting at the brightness. The conversation lulled and they resorted to just walking together, the silence comfortable and familiar.
Fifteen minutes and a couple short conversations later, Rafael glanced at his watch, the first time he’s done so all day, and cursed lightly. Sonny asked if something was wrong, to which Rafael replied with ”yeah-I mean no. Something is wrong, not here though, here is good. I’m running late to meet my mother, I have to get home and pick something up. But here, us, we’re good.”
Sonny tried his hardest to contain his growing smile at the usually perfectly poised attorney stumbling over his words- is he nervous, can he tell that I’m nervous? Fuck, he looks really nice today. He ended up breaking, a wide smile taking over, his eyes crinkling as he looked away so Rafael wouldn’t see, even though that didn’t work. Rafael nudged the taller man lightly and murmured a “shut up,” a smile starting to grow on his face as well. Sonny offered to take him home, to which he agreed, desperate to spend even a few extra minutes together.
As they journeyed to Rafael’s apartment, the conversation picked up and switched to childhood stories, laughing at each others antics and sharing embarrassing stories that few people outside their families had heard. Nearing the apartment, the exchange turned slightly serious towards a recent case the SVU had picked up. The talk waned as they got to the door, the air between them slightly tense. As Rafael got his keys out of a pocket, Sonny suddenly blurted out “listen, Rafi, I need to say something.”
Rafael looked at him with raised eyebrows, urging him to keep talking. “Okay, so. I know we’re just hanging out or whatever, everything’s been kind of wacky. I like you, Rafi, I do-“
Rafael’s expression dropped. He’d heard this said plenty times before in different variations. Usually with people he didn’t particularly care for, so those instances didn’t matter. He didn’t think he could bear to hear Sonny speak the words, so he interrupted, “don’t worry. I get it. You like me, but just as friends. Understandable, Carisi, it’s fine.” As Rafael rambled on about how working together would be fine, Sonny looked at him awestruck. First, Rafael hadn’t called him by his last name in months. Second, that definitely wasn’t where he expected the conversation to go.
”Wait, wait hold on a second Rafi-“
”No, really, I completely understand that-” With that, Sonny grabbed Rafael by the shoulders and planted his lips onto the other mans. Not giving Rafael a chance to react, he pulled away, hands still on his shoulders. Rafael looked up at Sonny’s worried gaze in shock- were his lips really that soft?
After a couple seconds that seemed like eternity to them both, Rafael raised his hands to the back of Sonny’s neck, automatically threading through his long hair, and raised up on his toes slightly. Sonny bent down slightly to meet him in the middle, one hand moving to the older mans jaw, the other going down to Rafael’s waist, then his back, as the two kissed again. With two active participants, it was a lot more heated than the sudden short kiss earlier. Rafael hesitantly licked along Sonny’s lower lip, immediately getting access and taking full advantage and- wow, his lips really were that soft, how did Sonny still taste like coffee?
They slightly battles for dominance, Sonny winning this round even though he was distracted by how Rafael smelled and felt and especially by how he kissed. Their hands roamed slightly, one of Rafael’s staying in Sonny’s hair, the other moving down to this chest, feeling his racing heartbeat through the shirt. One of Sonny’s hands kept moving from Rafael’s jaw to the back of his neck, the other one firmly planted on his back, holding him close. They finally broke apart, breathing raggedly and looking slightly crazed and mostly happy.
After a beat of silence, Sonny says “the thing is, I like you, but I lie you a lot more than a friend. Have for a while now.”
Rafael answered with a smile and “with a kiss like that I’d really hope you liked me more than a friend.” They smiled even wider at this, both men’s eyes crinkling in a way that they knew to be genuine. Hearing a nearby door shut loudly, they moved away from one another with a jump, nodding in acknowledgement to the neighbor walking past. Rafael picked up his keys from where they’d fallen to the ground and then looked at Sonny, stilling a moment before asking “will you come in?”
”I thought you had to meet your mom?”
“She holds enough over my head, at least missing her this time will be worth it.” With that, Rafael opened the door and walked in, letting it swing all the way open before calling over his shoulder “well? Anytime this century, Dominick?”
Sonny shook his head and laughed lightly before entering the apartment and shutting the door behind him, still trying to get his heart to calm down from the kiss and confession.