Chapter Text
Oh for fuck's sake.
You have seen landdwellers look like that before, that combination of incompetence and desperation, just before they get themselves in real trouble, and you cannot be having with this shit just at this precise moment.
He's been doing something unknowable and obviously idiotic with his stupid robots and you could have told him that a boat like that would capsize in the slightest chop and yeah, unsurprisingly as he's tapping in commands to whatever robot he's testing out the wind, which is frisky, catches his stupid fucking dinghy at the wrong angle and splosh, out goes one gigantic troll and fuck knows how much work and equipment.
You watch, disgusted, from your vantage point a little way along the rocky shore.
He doesn't surface. You wonder, fuck, can the asshole even swim? And even as you're thinking it you're taking off your cape and your perfectly tailored jacket and your scarf and you are trotting down to the rocks by where his moron boat flipped over. No sign of him, and he's big enough to be unmistakable. You say a few more particularly pointed things and bend down to put your face in the water, a turbulent bubble-glittering green-grey fog, but yes: you can see him. He is sinking.
Equius Zahhak is a disgusting snobbish hoofbeast fetishist with a serious sweating problem but fuck if you are going to watch the idiot straight-up drown right in front of you. It's a seadweller thing. If you are going to watch someone drown you damn well need to be the person who instigated it in the first place.
You roll your eyes so hard your whole head moves, and you make a mental note to charge him for the price of replacing this outfit which is never ever going to be the same, and you slide into the water after him. It takes you very little time to swim down and grab Equius, but the big troll's eyes are half-closed and glazed under the water and only tiny bubbles are coming from his nose or mouth. Goddamnit, you think, and exert yourself to haul the limp form out of the water. You are stronger than you look: Fef is stronger even than you, and could probably knock Equius out with a delicate punch to the jaw, but you have no trouble hauling the limp body up and onto the rocks and dump him on his back.
Fuckin useless musclehead twerp, can't even swim like any decent wriggler would be able to, let's see if you got enough brain cells left to make it worth tryin to get your ass back to breathing.
You rest your ear against the big troll's chest and are rewarded with a little fluttering anxious beat: good, not dead yet. It's more annoying hauling people back from all the way dead, and it takes longer. You push back your revulsion and tip Equius's head back, your fingers tangled in the heavy wet fall of his hair, and breathe for him: a deep long breath, and another, and another. The pulse steadies a little, but isn't getting any deeper; you try another few powerful breaths, and then are almost bucked off as Equius convulses, starts to cough, water dribbling from his mouth, and then doubles up in a terrible STRONG fit of retching.
You haul him over to lie on his side and watch without love, scooping his sodden hair out of the way. It's thick, heavy, clings to your fingers like seaweed. This is how it goes; they have to get the water out, and choking and coughing that hard almost always makes them puke, and that helps to clear the lungs through the sheer force of the muscular contractions. After a moment or two of miserable watching you help Equius steady himself with a hand on his shoulder, and when you think the hurling is over you reach for your own discarded and very precious cape, and drape it around Equius's shoulders. Shivers run through him like long comber-waves running up to a shore.
"You're okay," you tell the bigger troll, crossly. "I know you feel like thirteen kinds a shit right now but you're gonna be okay. Just breathe."
Equius's coughing slowly dies back to the point where he can manage to speak between coughs. He doesn't sound great, though, there's a lot of wheezing. "I......Ampora?"
"Yeah, it's me. You can feel free to play landdweller versus seadweller later, okay? Just...fuck, you're gonna freeze. Let's get you out of the wind. Anyone know you're out here, waitin for you to get back?" He blinks. "I mean anyone you're workin with?"
Wrong thing to say. Equius's face seems to collapse somehow, all the strength leaving the lines of brow and nose and chin. You guess he's alone, maybe catgirl doesn't like playing on boats. "—Yeah never mind, okay, I got you. Here. Which side hurts worse?"
"M-my left side," Equius manages, trying not to cough.
He wasn't down there very long and you don't think there's gonna be permanent damage, but still, you know it hurts like fuck to breathe at this point. "Okay. Gonna support you on that side but seriously, you want to cough this shit up now as much as you can. Won't do any good to keep that inside you."
Equius flushes deep blue and tries to turn away. Obviously the coughing embarrasses him; sure, it's a sign of weakness, loss of control. You sigh and get your arm properly around him, angry at everything. It shows in your voice. "Listen, Zahhak, I'm a fuckin seadweller. Sorry. Language. A frickin seadweller. I know drowning, okay? I know how this goes. You want to get all the crap out of your lungs you can possibly get. It's okay."
"Ampora....I...my caste status is..."
You abandon bowdlerism. It never suited you. "Oh for fuck's sake quit that shit. Yeah, I'm a sea troll, you're a blueblood, our people been feudin for generations, all that happy guano, but you see anyone around here looks like they give a fuck? You'll be back home safe soon with your happy hemospectrum buddies and all this will be a big bad dream, so shut up and let me fuckin help you."
He twists a little to stare at you and you wish your hair didn't look like ass, all wet and draggled and sticking to your forehead. You'd spent half an hour on that shit not so very long ago, and diving in after Zahhak has not helped; you don't acknowledge his staring, just hauling one of his gigantic arms round your neck and levering him to his feet. He's still trying not to cough, his chest spasming, cheeks flushed miserably deep blue.
You've hauled him into your cave out of the biting wind, at least, but you can hear the stuff in his lungs bubbling and squeaking as he breathes, and he has that anxious helpless look of a person who isn't getting enough air. You guide him to the wretched excuse for a pallet. You never use this place except when you go hunting, these days, and it's never been too luxurious. "Lie down on your stomach, lean your shoulders over the side. No, shut up. Don't even talk. Do as I say."
With an unhappy little noise he obeys, coughing a little as the position shifts the stuff in his lungs. Good. It's moving. You sit down behind him on the pallet and you begin to rhythmically thump his back and sides with the edges of your hands, moving from the bottom up, loosening whatever the ocean left inside him. He tries to protest but you shoosh him with a glare worthy of Fef and he droops down to hang over the edge of the pallet—and then suddenly, satisfyingly, he is coughing again, obviously involuntarily, loudly and productively. You pause long enough to hand him a handkerchief before going back to your work.
He is hoarse and very sore by the time you are done, but when you listen to his chest there is none of that unpleasant bubblesqueak wheeze, and he looks less anxious and restless than he had, just pale-blue and exhausted, deep shadows under his eyes. You get him settled half-sitting-up against the wall and you go to build a fire and find your goddamn palmhusk to get his moirail out here and take over the job.
** -- caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)! --
CA: nep you there
CA: nepeta seriously this is important
CA: its your goddamn moirail come on answwer
arsenicCatnip is not available
CA: fuuuuck
--caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)! --
CA: kar get nepeta on the line
CA: its zahhak he fuckin almost drowwned
CA: kar
CA: seriously wwhat the fuck is this ignore ampora day or somefin
carcinoGeneticist is not available
CA: FUCK
CA: IS ANYONE FUCKIN ONLINE WWHAT THE FUCK
CA:....ok maybe wwinter storms knockin out internet or some shit
-- caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling gallowsCalibrator (GC)! --
CA: pyrope are you there
CA: pyrope
CA: this isnt some creepy hittin on you kind a deal are you there i need you
CA: fuck
CA: wwinds pickin up again
CA: fuck
-- caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling cuttlefishCuller (CC)! --
CA: fef
CA: fef are you there
CA: fef this is serious i cant raise anybody on the fuckin mainland
CA: kar is not answwerin neither is terezi
CA: fef i need help
CA: its equius
CA: kinda maybe savved his gross life or somefin noww i need help
CA: fuuuuuuuck
--caligulasAquarium (CA) has signed off! --