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Adam had expected a lot of things when Ronan had turned up at his door at four in the morning. Maybe Matthew was in trouble and Ronan had fought with Declan again over it and needed space. Maybe Cabeswater needed something and Adam had accidentally tuned it out, so it sent its dreamer to go get him. Maybe Gansey pissed him off and he wanted to rant. There were honestly endless possibilities for Ronan turning up at his door at four in the morning. Adam expected pretty much anything.  

Somehow, watching his face crumple into tears was unexpected.  

“Lynch?” Adam reached out and drew him inside, worry creasing his brow. “Ronan? What’s wrong?”  

“I need to drive,” Ronan rasped. He turned away, refusing to let Adam see his face. Adam let him have the space. “I need to drive, I need to race, I need to fucking drink—he's gone, he’s dead, he’s fucking dead, Parrish, and I don’t--I’m so fucking  relieved,  but fuck,  fuck,  I don’t... I don’t know what to do now.”  

“Oh,” Adam said, surprised.  

“Oh? Really, asshole? Fucking  oh?  God, fuck you. Fuck this, this was a terrible idea. Shit. Bye.”  

“No, wait!” Adam reached out and caught Ronan’s arms. “No, stay. I just—I was surprised, that’s all. You can stay. I’m glad you came to me.”  

Ronan eyed him warily, angrily, but when Adam drew him down to the mattress, he went. “Fuck you,” he rasped again, but the bite was gone from the words. Adam smiled a little, a tiny quirk of his lips.  

“It’s okay to miss him, Ronan,” he murmured. “And it’s okay to be glad he’s dead. You guys didn’t have a  good  relationship, but you were still connected. It can hurt and feel good at the same time to let go of it.”  

“I lost my virginity to Kavinsky,” Ronan blurted. Adam paused as fair Irish skin flushed and tears filled blue eyes—he had the distinct feeling Ronan hadn’t meant to say that. But he kept going, surprising Adam even more, and wasn’t that the magic of Ronan Lynch? He was the only one who still held the power to surprise Adam, and somehow the effect never dimmed. “We were drunk and high on some dream drug, bruised up from a fight after racing, and it just happened. And it hurt, but it was  something,  you know? It didn’t feel  good,  but it fucking  felt,  and I was so fucking desperate to feel. I was desperate.”  

It was a plea, an appeal— don't hate me. I needed it.  Adam reached out and squeezed his hand. “I know,” he whispered. “I know.” And he did; not quite like Ronan, so visceral and violent and hurt, but broken all the same.   

“I just... where do I go when I need to feel?” His voice was soft, a whisper, a silenced roar of fear. Adam’s heart hurt and soared at once for hearing it—for knowing how much pain Ronan felt and knowing at the same time that he was  allowed  to know. “I can’t fucking drink, because I don’t want to scare you and I don’t want to do some fucked-up thing I’ll regret and I  just  quit. I can’t get high because I promised Gansey and Matthew that I’d stay clean. I can’t drive, because right now, I’ll crash. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to dream.”  

His voice cracked and Adam pulled the boy into his arms, heart pounding as Ronan buried his face willingly in his shoulder. “You can stay,” he whispered. “And we’ll talk, and we’ll play-fight, and if you want, we’ll fuck. And in the morning, you can get in the shitbox and shut the fuck up about how shitty it is, and I’ll drive you to the memorial, and you can pray there because I know you won’t be able to say his name in a church, but I know you need to talk to him, and to God. You can say goodbye, and I’ll be there when you’re ready, and then we can go out for pizza and pop at Nino’s and then drive up to the Barns together and spend the whole day doing the stupid shit we always do, and as long as you need me, I’ll stay with you. That’s where you go. That’s how you heal.”  

“Seriously?” Ronan croaked, voice hoarse and wrecked from the effort of silencing his sobs. Adam nodded, smiling as the stubble of Ronan’s scalp scraped his cheek. “You really want to fuck me? We haven’t really talked about that.”  

“Hey, we’ve done some stuff. Whatever you need,” Adam whispered through a breathless laugh, because  of course  that was the part Ronan had focused on, “I will give.”  

It meant more than the moment, more than the offer, more than the words.  

Ronan knew—he always knew.  

“I needed you,” he murmured into Adam’s neck. “I think I’ll always need you. But I don’t want to take that from you, not like this.”  

“Okay,” Adam whispered, and turned his head to kiss Ronan’s temple. “That’s okay too. You want the bed or the floor?”  

“Floor,” Ronan mumbled. “But not yet.”  

“What do you want to do?” Adam asked, rubbing gentle circles into Ronan’s back through the leather jacket and moving his legs up so he could face his—very new—boyfriend more fully. “We can do anything in here.” He only tacked on  in here  because he knew Ronan needed it—needed the boundary, where he could go, what he was limited to. Because he needed something clear.  

“I want to stay,” Ronan whispered. “Here. And I want you to keep—doing this. Touching me.”  

“Okay,” Adam said simply. “Lay down? My spine hates me right now.” Ronan gave a low, barking laugh, something creaking and harsh, and pulled back to obey. His cheeks were streaked with tears, flushed red and blotchy, his eyes wet and hard and scorning, brows drawn, lip indented from how hard he bit it to stop it from quivering. Adam smiled, running a thumb over the red-bitten lip and pulling it gently from between clenched teeth. “You’re so pretty,” he said affectionately. “I don’t care if you cry. You’re still pretty.”  

“Dumbass,” Ronan sobbed. It was meant to be a laugh. “Don’t call a grown-ass man pretty. Fucker.”  

“But you are,” Adam teased, flopping down on the mattress beside him. “And I have it on good authority that you think I’m pretty, too, so it’s a perfectly valid adjective for a grown-ass man. Fucker.”  

“That’s different,” Ronan grumbled, but the tears were slowing now. “You’re small. And soft. But not  soft  soft, just kind of soft. Sweet, I guess. Sweet and small guys can be pretty. I’m not.”  

“You’re not?” Adam asked, reaching across the space between them to brush the tears off Ronan’s cheeks. “I thought you didn’t lie. You’re soft right now, right? You trust me. You’re making yourself small so I can hold you. It’s sweet that you miss him so much, and sweet that you come here when you’re scared, and sweet that you want me to hold you when you feel lost. You’re sweet, Ronan. You’ve always been sweet with me.”  

“If you tell anyone, you’re fucking dead,” croaked the raven. Adam snickered.  

“I won’t,” he promised. “I would never.”  

“I know,” Ronan muttered, and oh.  Oh.  He  knew.  And that was why he had come, wasn’t it? He knew Adam would keep his secret, and comfort him, and help him. He knew Adam was gentle, and that he would treat his heart with care. He knew there were no lectures or pains here, no judgements, no fear. He knew he was safe with Adam.  

“Oh, sweetheart,” breathed the blond, drawing Ronan into his arms. The taller boy ducked his head into Adam’s chest as Adam wrapped a leg around his hip, drawing one arm up and down his boyfriend’s side. “I’m here. It’s okay.”  

“No it’s fucking not,” Ronan choked out into his neck, and Adam smiled sadly and kissed the top of his head.  

“No,” he whispered. “But it will be.”  

For a long, long time, they were silent—Adam held Ronan and Ronan clung to him, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The day lightened outside, and Adam wondered if his boyfriend was asleep.  

“Thank you.” The words startled him, whispered into his shoulder, but he didn’t jump. Ronan knew how to startle him without scaring him, easy as breathing.  

“Mmhm,” he hummed, kissing his forehead. “Go to sleep.”  

“I won’t sleep,” Ronan admitted. “Even with you. Too late now, and I have to feed the animals.”  

“Let me borrow your phone,” Adam whispered. “I’ll call the house and tell Opal to do it.”  

“She chewed through the phone line,” Ronan muttered, and Adam burst out laughing, full-bodied, eyes sparkling and chest shaking. A moment later, Ronan’s familiar, rumbling chuckle joined in.  

“Of course she did,” Adam wheezed, and then pushed himself up, dislodging a disgruntled Ronan from his chest. “C’mon, Ro. I’ll drive.”  

“Don’t ever fucking call me that again,” Ronan snorted as he followed, and he wasn’t smiling, but Adam could see the way his shoulders lifted and he knew the weight was easing. “That’s awful. And damn fucking right you’re driving, I haven’t slept in two days.”  

Adam gaped. “ Ronan fucking Lynch,  did you drive yourself here after going without sleep  for two fucking days!?”  he yelped. Ronan flushed a little, scowling at him.  

“In case you hadn’t noticed,” he bit back, “you don’t have a  phone.  How the hell was I supposed to contact you, huh?” He looked down for a minute, then back up, meeting Adam’s summer sky eyes with his own hard ice. “I needed you, so I came to you.”  

Adam sighed and reached out, wrapping his arms around Ronan’s waist and nuzzling into his neck. It always surprised him how tall Ronan actually was—even taller than him, by three or four inches. “I’m glad you did,” he said eventually. “Sorry for sounding like Gansey.”  

“I would pay good money to hear Dick put a swear word in my name, Parrish,” Ronan said, and Adam grinned upon realizing that he wasn’t actually mad. Still, though, his face fell into a mask of worry as Adam stepped back. “Can we really go to the memorial later?” he asked softly. “I mean—do you really think it’ll help?”  

Adam smiled at him, reaching up to cup his cheeks. “Yeah,” he said gently. “I think it will. But it’s up to you—if you don’t feel ready, that’s okay. We can hang out at the Barns and play with Opal and be stupid kids with no responsibilities all day, if that’s what you want to do. There’s no rush.”  

“God.” Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and leaned down, pressing their foreheads together. “You’re so much better for me than that bastard ever was,” he mumbled. “Good for my brain. You just fucking get it. Get me.”  

Adam grinned, moving his hands off Ronan’s cheeks and wrapping them around his neck. He turned his head, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek with a bemused smile. “C’mon,” he whispered, laying his head briefly on Ronan’s shoulder before pulling back. “Let’s go feed the stupid cows.”  

Adam watched from a distance as Ronan knelt on the ground before the memorial, head bowed. He was silent, praying in his head, but every so often he glanced back over his shoulder—checking to see if Adam was still there. The smaller boy moved over, so he was within Ronan’s line of sight, and the dreamer smiled gratefully, briefly.  

For two long hours, he knelt there, talking first to God and then directly to Joseph fucking Kavinsky. When he reached out, Adam joined him, lacing their fingers.  

“I know,” Ronan breathed, “that you hated me as much as you loved me. I know that you were toxic and painful and horrible, and that I’m better off without you. But—I think you always wanted me to keep myself safe. That’s part of why you taught me how to dream, isn’t it?”  

Adam smiled softly as Ronan held up their joined hands toward the little white cross. “I’ve found someone who will keep me safe from myself,” he whispered. “From my dreams and fear, my family, my bad days, my memories and nightmares. I’ll be safe with him, so don’t worry. Adam knows what he’s doing.”  

They stood together, and Adam murmured his own goodbye, and then they turned to walk back towards the shitbox.  

“You think he heard?” Adam asked, squeezing Ronan’s hand.  

“Nah,” said Ronan confidently. “Son of a bitch is definitely screaming in Hell.” Adam laughed, and after a minute, Ronan joined in. They were still snickering when they stumbled through the doors into Nino’s and ordered cheap pizza and flat pop.  

“So, how are you feeling?” asked Adam, looking at his pizza so Ronan wouldn’t feel pressured. The older boy made a sound around his pizza before swallowing and belching. Adam wrinkled his nose. “Gross,” he commented. “Do it louder, the waiter didn’t glare at you.”  

Ronan did it louder.  

The waiter glared at them.  

“I feel so much fucking better,” Ronan admitted when the two of them had stopped snickering. “Being around you helps. Makes me feel calmer. Safer. And you were right about visiting him. It feels easier now.” He offered a little smirk, a glimpse of his usual snark, and then refocused on his pizza.   

Adam sighed happily and reached over to squeeze Ronan’s hand. “Well, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I gave shitty advice?” he asked teasingly.  

Ronan agreed. “A shitty one, that’s for sure,” he snickered. “But still mine.” His smile softened and he ducked his head to kiss the hand he held. “We’re shitty boyfriends together.”  

“You’re not shitty,” Adam assured him, grinning as he retracted his hand so he could keep eating his pizza. Nino’s pizza took two hands. “You’re a really good kisser and cuddler. And you’re really sweet.” He paused to take a sip of Sprite and grimaced, holding up a finger to pause Ronan’s answer so he could let out an even louder belch than Ronan’s, prompting an even harder glare from the waiter.  

“Ooh, nice one,” Ronan cackled under his breath when the guy finally looked away. “That was a full scowl.”  

Adam grinned and finished his last bite, watching as Ronan gathered up the trash and then following him out to the car.  

“Barns?” he asked.  

“Barns,” Ronan confirmed. Then, once they’d climbed in, “I’m gonna show you how fucking good I am at cuddling.”  

“That sounds like a threat, Lynch,” Adam teased. “What if I don’t want to cuddle?” It was a moot point; Adam loved cuddles and Ronan knew it.  

“You always want cuddles,” answered the taller boy dryly. “You’re insatiable. I’m dating a koala, I swear; sometimes I think you were replaced by one.”  

“Oh, I see how it is,” Adam tutted in mock offense. “If my love for cuddles is such an inconvenience to you, then feel free to just fuck right off and not get any touches from me!”  

Ronan reached across the gearshift, bringing Adam’s hand to his lips just long enough to brush a kiss over the knuckles. “Stupid asshole,” he muttered. “You know I love it.”  

“I know,” Adam whispered. “I do too.”  

He parked in the BMW’s spot just to piss Ronan off and got out to hug Opal when she ran towards him with open arms.  

“Hi, baby!” he cooed, lifting her up and placing her on his hip. She bleated happily and nuzzled under his chin—she'd been asleep when they’d come in that morning. “Did you find something?” She showed him a beautiful, shimmery pink rock, probably dug out of Ronan’s dream boxes or Cabeswater’s soil. Adam oohed and ahhed over it until Opal deemed him sufficiently impressed and squirmed around.  

“Hi, Kerah!” she called, and then dashed off into the fields. Ronan snorted.  

“Brat,” he said affectionately. Strong arms wound around Adam’s waist from behind and he leaned back, sighing as Ronan’s chin settled on his shoulder. “S’cute, how much she likes you,” he murmured. “Like watching you play with your daughter.”  

“Maybe one day, she will be our daughter,” Adam murmured back, laying his head back against Ronan’s shoulder. “She’s our baby, Ronan. And she’s a good kid. I could put up with her for another eighteen years.”  

“She’s  your  baby,” Ronan corrected, chuckling into Adam’s neck. “She’s a fucking brat with me. Besides,” and he pressed a chaste kiss to the base of Adam’s throat, “ you’re  my baby already.”  

“Sweet-talker,” mumbled Adam. “Let go of me so we can go and nap.  Somebody  had an existential crisis at four in the morning, so I’m sleepy. I’ll get grumpy soon.”  

“You’re always grumpy,” Ronan grumbled, but he took Adam by the hand anyways and led him inside.  

“Couch,” Adam decided. “I’m not going all the way up the stairs.”  

“I am not sleeping on the fucking couch, Parrish,” Ronan deadpanned. “I haven’t slept in like fifty-something hours. Once I’m out, I’m not getting back up.”  

“Okay,” Adam mumbled, flopping down on the couch. “See you tomorrow.” Ronan scoffed; a second later, those corded arms that Adam dreamed about sometimes were sliding under his body and picking him up to cradle him against Ronan’s chest. “Oh,” Adam mumbled, slanting an eye open. “You sure you can make it up the stairs? You’re more tired than I am.”  

“It’s fine, dipshit. You callin’ me weak?” Ronan kissed his forehead as he maneuvered them both through the halls and up the stairs to the middle Lynch’s bedroom. “Here, c’mon; stand up.”  

“Mm... but it’s so hot when you carry me around,” Adam said with a cheeky grin. Ronan raised an eyebrow and dropped him, prompting an insulted and pained whine from Adam’s lips. He pouted up at his boyfriend. “Mean.”  

“Uh huh. Brush your teeth if you want me to kiss you. I’ve had enough of greasy ass pizza and shitty pop.”  

Immediately, Adam hauled himself up and headed for the bathroom, only to pause. “Ronan  Lynch,”  he cooed, picking the stolen item up off the counter. “Is this my bracelet?”  

“Wh--fuck off!” Ronan grabbed the item and fastened it around his wrist with the other six, blushing dark pink. Adam thought the sight was far too pretty. “You were taking doubles and shit, and I hadn’t seen you in like ten days. I missed you, and then one of mine broke and I thought fuck it.”  

“Ronan, honey, it’s fine,” Adam cooed. “You’re my boyfriend, you can take my things. I have so many of your clothes in my drawers now, I honestly don’t know what you’ve been wearing.”  

“I let you take them,” Ronan said dismissively from the bedroom before shuffling back in.  

“Really? Why?” Adam called, words mangled around his toothbrush. Ronan smirked at him in the mirror over his shoulder, holding up a hoodie.  

“Because you look really fucking good in my clothes, baby,” he murmured in Adam’s ear. Adam grinned around his toothbrush and leaned over to spit—Ronan swatted his ass playfully, laughing at Adam’s indignant yelp.  

The smaller boy changed, ditching his clothes in the hamper, and then crawled into Ronan’s bed to flop down in the sheets as his boyfriend went to take his turn in the bathroom. He dozed, worn out by the emotions and the early start, until Ronan tugged the covers down and climbed in under them.  

“It’s too hot for a blanket,” he complained when Adam pulled the blanket up.   

“Then take your shirt off,” Adam mumbled sleepily. “I’m cold and you’re not cuddling me.”  

“Oh, does the koala want his cuddles now?” Ronan cooed mockingly. “Pervert. If I take my shirt off, it’ll get cold.” He grinned cheekily in Adam’s direction and the smaller boy groaned, rolling into his personal space.   

“Then take off your shirt and cuddle me, Goldilocks,” he muttered. “I’ll keep you warm.”  

Ronan rolled his eyes, but pulled his shirt off with a dramatic sigh. “You just want to get me naked,” he deadpanned. Adam hummed softly and snuggled into his open arms, happily nuzzling into the dip of his throat and breathing in his warm, familiar scent.  

“Sweet dreams, Adam,” Ronan murmured, arms wrapping tight around him, pulling him even closer as he kissed sandy blond-brown hair. Adam smiled into his chest and wrapped his arms around a toned waist, perfectly content.  

“You too,” he mumbled. “Wake me up if you have a nightmare.”  

Ronan paused, but then smiled into his hair and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I promise.”  

Satisfied, Adam dozed off.  

“Parrish.” Adam grumbled, rolling away only to feel a warm, heavy weight press up against his back. He whined. “Parrish.”  

“Mm-mm...”  

“Adam. You told me to wake you up.”  

That got his attention—Adam rolled over again, back into Ronan’s chest, and opened his eyes. Pale lashes fluttered against the harsh light of the sun outside and he buried his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder for a moment before reaching up to cup a sharp cheekbone. Ronan looked down passively at him, eyes troubled, but features calm.  

“D’you have a nightmare?” he mumbled, tone soft with sleep. Ronan’s shoulders relaxed, tension easing at the sound of his boyfriend’s warm, sleepy voice. He nodded.  

Adam let out a long, gentle breath and slid his arms around his lover’s waist, leaning up to kiss him, soft and slow. Ronan sighed into his mouth, melting a little as Adam rubbed circles into his lower back and kissed him so sweetly.  

“Wanna talk about it, honey?” Adam asked, his accent slipping into his words. He pushed himself up the bed so Ronan could rest his head on a thin chest—not so thin, anymore, now that he was always visiting the Barns and not stretching his meals. Ronan liked the feeling of Adam’s body, liked feeling muscle on his pecs and padding over his ribs. Liked feeling his heartbeat.  

“No. I didn’t bring it back,” Ronan murmured. “I killed it before I woke up.”  

“So brave,” Adam praised in a whisper, reaching up to pet at the buzzed hair on the back of Ronan’s neck. “My brave dreamer. You’re stronger than the nightmares.”  

“Scared it would hurt you if I brought it back,” Ronan murmured. “Had to kill it. If you got hurt... I’d never forgive myself.”  

“Nothing hurt me. You protected me. You were so brave, and so strong, and you kept me safe,” Adam whispered. “It’s over, Ronan. It’s over. You’re okay.”  

“I love you,” Ronan said suddenly. “Fuck, Adam, I love you so much.”  

“I know,” Adam breathed. “I know, Ronan. I love you too. So much.”  

“Yeah,” Ronan said, and sighed. “I know.” He pushed against the mattress, rolling over on top of his lover and kissing him deeply. Adam smiled into the kiss, feet drifting up Ronan’s calves as he wrapped his legs around his lover’s waist.  

“Mm, you need to shave,” Adam mumbled against Ronan’s lips, grinning as stubble scraped his cheeks.  

“Fuck off,” Ronan muttered back, trailing kisses across his jaw and down his neck. “We both know you like your men a little scruffy.”  

“Oh, my  men?”  Adam chuckled, running his hands over strong arms. “Plural? How many men do you think I’ve had, baby?”  

Ronan grinned from his collarbone, glancing up. “If you wanted them,” he whispered, leaning up again for a long, slow kiss, “you could have any man you wanted in the world.” Another kiss, deeper as Ronan dipped his tongue into his lover’s mouth. “So I’m really fucking lucky to call you mine,” he whispered when he pulled away.  

Adam’s smile widened and he tugged his hoodie—Ronan's hoodie—over his head, throwing it in the general direction of the hamper. “And  I  can’t believe the strong, scary, sexy badboy of Aglionby is  mine,”  he whispered. “Or that I get to know you as a loving boyfriend, a great father-in-training, and a dreamer.”  

“Mmm,” Ronan hummed, lips skimming a trail down Adam’s chest, one hand exploring the planes of his body while the other braced him against the bed. “You think I’m scary?”  

“No,” Adam snorted. “Everybody else does.  I  think you’re handsome, and strong, and sexy.” He arched up against his boyfriend with a gasp as Ronan sucked at one of his nipples, teasing the other with the pad of his thumb. Ronan chuckled darkly.  

“Yeah?” he murmured. “And what does my pretty boyfriend want his big, sexy man to do to him?”  

“That was the worst thing you have ever said to me in bed,” Adam snickered. “And why is pretty valid for me, but not for you?”  

“’Cause you  are  pretty,” Ronan argued. “My tiny blue-eyed boyfriend. The freckles and the curls and this cute twink body. Now let me make you feel good and tell me what you want me to do to you.”  

“Mm, God, I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Adam sighed, squirming under the hands that roamed his body. “Want your hands today.”  

“Here?” Ronan teased, dragging his fingers lightly over his boyfriend’s cock. “Or maybe here...?” He squeezed Adam’s balls gently, pulled a choked mewl from his lips. “Oh, is that it?” he whispered into his lover’s hip, sucking a soft violet bruise into the skin there.   

Adam had taken a long time to let Ronan leave marks, after leaving his father’s bruises behind. But they didn’t look angry, or painful, and they felt so good. Once he let his lover leave them, he was instantly addicted.  

“Please,” he gasped. “Please, Ronan, God, your mouth—your fingers—ah!”  

“Oh? What do you want me to do with my mouth and my fingers?” Adam groaned at the tease, reaching out for something to hold onto. His hand found Ronan’s and he laced their fingers together, smiling up with that twinkle in his sharp, mischievous eyes.   

He whined. “Fucking--Ronan, c’mon!” he pleaded, bucking his hips.  

“Ah ah ah,” Ronan said softly. “I’m gonna give you what you want, baby. I’m gonna give you what you want, but you gotta tell me what that is. Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you, Adam.”  

“Jesus Christ, Ronan,  fuck  me!” he gasped. “Put your fingers inside me and suck me off! Please!”  

“Good boy,” Ronan breathed, pupils dilating as he ducked his head down. “Pass me the lube and spread your legs.”  

“Yeah, okay.” Adam did as he was told, relaxing into the pillows as he watched Ronan lube up his fingers. He exhaled as the boy pressed one inside and gripped tighter to the hand he still held. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned, arching his back to roll his hips in counterpart to the slow slide of Ronan’s finger. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, please, I need more!”  

“Greedy,” Ronan commented, snickering. “Okay.” He pulled his finger out and thrust it gently back in with another, stretching him wider. “Two or three, hun?”  

“Two is fine, it’s fine, please, Ronan,” Adam gasped. Ronan let out a breathless chuckle, watching him writhe as he fucked him slow and steady.  

“You’re so fucking hot,” he groaned, leaning down to suck Adam’s cock into his mouth. Adam cried out, reaching up and clawing at the sheets with his free hand as his legs shook and hips bucked into Ronan’s mouth.  

Ronan, being the champion he was, took it all without complaint, letting Adam rock between his fingers and his tongue. In minutes, Adam was cumming down his throat, babbling praises and curses senselessly.  

“Ah! So good, baby, so good, feels so fucking good, shit, fuck, beautiful, so pretty like this—uh, ah! Ronan,  Ronan!”  

He whined as he came down from his high and Ronan pulled back, lowering shaking legs to the mattress and wiping his fingers on the sheets. “Good?” he asked smugly, smirking at his boyfriend. Adam just nodded, still panting from the violent orgasm.  

“Holy shit,” he breathed when he had finally calmed down. “You’re so good at that.” He pushed himself up and pulled Ronan up the bed, shoving him down on his back and climbing on top of him. “Hands or mouth?”  

“Oh, you don’t have to--” Ronan was cut off by two long fingers sliding between his lips, gagging him a little before pulling free. Adam tapped his lower lip with a warning glance.  

“Hands or mouth, Ronan?” he asked again. “You choose and I’ll do it.”  

“Ass,” Ronan muttered with a small cough; an insult, not a request. Adam paused, then leaned down and kissed him.  

“If that’s what you really want,” he murmured into Ronan’s mouth. “But I’d rather do that when Opal isn’t home, y’know? After a date or something. Set the mood a little.”  

Ronan’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, fuck no,” he said quickly, then paused. “I mean,  yes,  but no, not right now. Can I—can you do it with your hands? I like the way you touch me.”  

Adam kissed him, slow and soft and sensual, and reached down to pull his sweatpants off, shimmying backwards. “Spread your legs,” he whispered. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me see your pretty cock.”  

“Eugh. Don’t ever say that again.” Ronan wrinkled his nose as he obeyed, erection standing straight up and flushed even through his apparent disgust. “Dicks aren’t pretty, dweeb.”  

“No?” murmured Adam, and fuck if he didn’t sound like sin incarnate. “I think you’re wrong.” He reached out and took hold of the base, stroking slowly—not too tight, not without any lube, but enough to make him squirm. “I think you have the world’s prettiest cock. See how hard you are for me? You’re even wet already and I’ve barely touched you.” He grinned as Ronan gasped, watching his lover’s muscles shift and flex as he thrust up into the grip.  

“Fucker,” Ronan groaned. “You’re fuckin’ cute when you cum—shit, Adam—gets me hard. You know that—ugh, fuck, I love your fucking hands!”  

“I know,” Adam whispered, grinning. “Here.” He let go and reached for the discarded lubricant, slicking up his hand to ease the slide, and then he reached out and gripped Ronan’s cock in his right hand, pushing his legs further open with his left.  

“Fuck, shit,  yeah,”  Ronan groaned, head falling back. “Adam, Jesus--”  

“Come on,” Adam crooned, twisting his fist under the head in the way Ronan liked so much. “Fuck my hand. That’s it, baby—so dirty. Look like a whore down there, so desperate to feel good.”  

“Jesus fucking shit, Adam,” Ronan panted, arching his back as he bucked up into Adam’s quick strokes. Only Adam Parrish knew that Ronan liked degradation in sex, and he abused the information mercilessly. “Fuck,  faster!”  

Adam smirked, squeezing tighter and rolling his thumb over the head just to hear Ronan whine. “Yeah?” he cooed. “Whining like a dog already, Lynch? You’re gonna cum soon, huh? You like that? So wet for me... can you hear it?”  

“You’re a lot more talkative,” Ronan gasped, “than when  I  was the one fucking  you.”  Adam just chuckled and leaned down, sucking Ronan’s head into his mouth, using his tongue to play with the soft, wet thing—dipping it into the slit made Ronan loose a choked groan that sounded way too cute to not do it again.   

“You like this, I know,” he whispered, pulling off and thumbing at the tip again to ease the little shock of cold. “You close? C’mon, sweetheart, cum for me. I want to see you get yourself all dirty, get you looking like the slut you really are.”  

With a shout, Ronan came, biting down on a fist to muffle his sounds as he spilled over Adam’s hand and onto his own clenched abs. Adam worked him through it, grinning when he flopped back to the mattress, boneless.  

“Good?” he asked, grin only widening when Ronan just nodded. “Awww, you’re speechless,” he teased. “God, that was amazing.”   

“We are not going back to sleep without cleaning up,” Ronan panted. “Never again.”  

“Agreed,” Adam said, watching his lover stand to go get a cloth. “Next time, you should cum on my ass. Maybe some will get inside if you finger me first.”  

Ronan tripped and banged into something in the bathroom, prompting a vicious string of curses that left Adam laughing in his bed.  

“You little shit!” Ronan accused, throwing the damp cloth at him sullenly from the doorway. “What the fuck!? Say that shit  before  I cum!”  

“Meh,” Adam said, smirking like a devil as he wiped himself down. “Should we make cookies with Opal or go fix up the big barn?” The wall of the biggest barn had blown out the previous week and was now precariously tarped over in an attempt to keep the cows warm.  

Ronan sighed, sounding content as he flopped down and pulled Adam back to his chest. “How about  you  teach Opal how to bake, and  I  fix the barn?” he suggested. “I do  not  want to be around when she discovers that the mixer makes noise.”  

“We’ll make your favorite,” Adam promised, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”  

Ronan grinned happily. “You should say that more,” he murmured. “It sounds good.”  

“I love you,” Adam cooed obligingly. “I love you, Ronan. I love you. My Ronan; love you so much.”  

“Alright, alright.” Ronan pushed him down, kissing him deeply and smiling into the contact. “I love you too.”  

A crash downstairs drew sighs from both of their lips and they pulled apart reluctantly to pull on jeans and t-shirts and hoodies, too, because it was November and really fucking cold.  

“KERAH!” called Opal’s voice as they headed downstairs. “YOUR RINGY THING IS RINGING!”  

“Must be Gansey,” Adam said, smiling as he took the phone from the little girl’s hand. “Thanks, baby! You’re so helpful. Why don’t you go wait in the kitchen and we can make cookies like I promised last week, okay?”  

She nodded and dashed off, hooves clopping on the tile floor of the kitchen, and Adam answered the phone.  

“Ronan? Oh, thank goodness. I didn’t think you’d answer.”  

“Hey, Gansey, it’s me; what’s wrong?”  

“Is that Adam? Why do you have Ronan’s phone?”  

“I’m with him now, why?”  

Gansey breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. We got a message this morning from Ronan’s phone that was complete gibberish—probably butt-dialed, actually—and panicked, and we couldn’t reach him, so we went to the church to find you and found Ronan’s car but you weren’t there and we got worried!”  

“Sorry, Gansey,” Adam said apologetically, shifting the phone to his ear. “Opal, sweetie, don’t chew on the counter, okay? Can you find me flour, eggs, white sugar and brown sugar? Ronan was having one of those days again and came to me for help around four this morning. We went to the memorial site, dropped by Nino’s, came back here and had a nap; he’s just gone out to fix up the barn that blew in, and I’m baking cookies with Opal.”  

“Did you have sex?”  

Adam startled. “I’m sorry?” he choked as Gansey spluttered and Blue cackled somewhere in the background.   

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t--I meant, did you see him naked today?” he clarified. “Were there any indications of...?”  

“You mean, any new injuries?” Adam asked, relaxing. “No, none. As soon as he felt it, he came straight to me and told me everything and asked for help. You’d have been so proud, Gans. It was so sweet. Oh! Thanks, Opal; now you’re gonna put the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in this bowl, okay? Make sure you measure it with the cups, like I showed you last time!”  

“Okay!” she promised. Adam moved over to do the wet ingredients with a practiced hand, tilting his head to secure the phone better.   

“He’s okay, I promise. We both are. Don’t worry, I’ll drive him back to get his car later, if we don’t stay up here tonight—hey, honey, did you forget something?”  

“Yeah, my nail kit isn’t in the toolbox; did you eat the nails, brat?”  

Opal shook her head. “No!” she said, pouting. “I just borrowed them for my shinies!”  

“Okay, can you go show Kerah where your shinies are? He needs those nails to fix the barn so that your friends won’t get cold inside,” Adam said, crouching down to ruffle her blonde hair playfully. She gave a dramatic sigh and nodded, hooves clattering towards the door.  

“Mm, thanks, baby,” Ronan said, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and stealing some chocolate chips. “Love you!”  

“Love you too!” Adam called as he followed quickly after the little satyr. “Sorry about that, Gansey, you still there?”  

Gansey chuckled on the other side of the line. “You three are starting to sound terribly domestic,” he said fondly. “It’s hard to believe you’ve only been dating two months.”  

“When did you guys start saying I love you?” Blue demanded. Adam coughed, then laughed.  

“Earlier today,” he said. “Ro had a nightmare and when I was holding him after, he just said it.” He smiled warmly. “I like the sound.”  

“You guys are so cute,” she sighed. “Relationship goals.”  

“Thanks, Blue,” Adam said, touched by the supportive girl’s approval. “Was there anything else?”  

“No,” Gansey said. “We just wanted to make sure you were safe. I’m glad everything seems to be okay! Tell Ronan and Opal we said hello!”  

“I will,” Adam promised, and hung up.  

When the sun had set and things were winding down for the evening, Adam smiled out the window. Upstairs, he could hear Opal bleating indignantly as Ronan repeated the reasons she had to sleep inside-- “It is fucking cold, the barn is filthy, and only half of you is furry so shut up and go to sleep, already, you little puke.”  

Outside, the stars were coming out, but the warm glow from the kitchen behind him made it difficult to fully appreciate the bright pinpricks of white. Adam sighed, reveling in the warmth of his tea and the quiet peace of this world, and wondered if maybe one day, he could go to bed and know that he didn’t have to go back to some shitty apartment.  

Warm arms encircled his waist and a sharp chin landed on his shoulder; Adam leaned back into his boyfriend’s embrace, turning his head to kiss a prominent cheekbone. Ronan was as handsome as he was beautiful, soft as silk and sharp as a knife all at once. Adam didn’t think he’d ever get tired of looking at him.  

“She’s asleep,” Ronan murmured into his hair. His breath tickled Adam’s hearing ear and he sighed, turning again to nuzzle his lover’s cheek. “What are you doing?”  

“Nothing,” Adam said, and he meant it. Nothing was something he was only recently learning how to do, and the more he indulged in it, the more he appreciated the moments he was allowed to have it.  

Ronan hummed and kissed the top of his head, removing his chin from Adam’s shoulder. Adam let his head fall against his boyfriend’s neck and Ronan kissed him again, squeezing his waist. “Would you come and do nothing with me?” he asked, gentle, hopeful.  

Adam smiled and took a sip of his tea. “Okay,” he said.  

When they settled, they were on the couch; Ronan laid across it, propped up against the arm, feet kicked up on the other. Adam settled in his lap, loose and happy and warm, and laid back against his chest, sighing in bliss at the gentle  thump-thump  of Ronan’s steady heartbeat. He hoped he never had to stop hearing that sound.  

“I love you,” Ronan murmured, running one hand through his hair and letting the other one fall around his hips. Adam barely made out the words, with his hearing ear down, and maybe that was what had prompted them in the first place.  

Ronan was the only person who could know Adam like this, and he knew it. The only one allowed to hold him like this, to see him so vulnerable. The only one Adam trusted enough to lay deaf with, eyes closed, because all he needed was the feeling of Ronan’s arms around him to know he was safe.   

“I love you too,” he murmured, snuggling into the space under Ronan’s chin—his special place, the one no one knew but him. “I’m glad you came to me.”  

“Me too,” Ronan said immediately. He paused, but Adam said nothing, just slid his arms around Ronan’s back and breathed in his scent. “It’s easier with you. To deal with it. You know what to do.”  

“Not always,” Adam said, smiling into his boyfriend’s chest. “But I do know you.” And Ronan knew him, too, and it was strangely comforting, to be known; not as frightening as he had imagined. He hoped Ronan felt the same way.  

“Yeah,” mumbled the taller boy. “You do.”  

And maybe that was enough.