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Letting out the mother of all sighs you flopped down on your bed in the compound, grateful to finally be horizontal after a gruelling flight back to New York. While you had spent the entire flight back dreaming of your own bed in your own flat in Manhattan, the compound had been closer and all you had wanted was to lie down for an indeterminable length of time as soon as possible.
That and you had missed the people who had become your adopted second family. You had missed Tony’s sarcasm and sassiness, Nat’s ability to match your own dry sense of humour, and Thor’s Golden Retriever energy.
Most of all, however, you had missed Loki.
Since your first conversation all those months ago where you assured him you didn’t think he was a monster you had struck up a tentative friendship, something you thanked the stars for daily. You found that you had a kindred spirit in Loki, however laughable that would have seemed only a few weeks before. You both enjoyed the same books, enjoyed having the same deep discussions about God knows what, and enjoyed teasing the other senseless until one of you was in fits of laughter. You had, however, done something very foolish in the past few months.
You had fallen in love with him.
It had been a sudden realisation and it had scared the hell out of you. One minute you had been listening intently to him talk about growing up in Asgard and the magic his mother had taught him, the next you were thinking about how his lips would feel against yours and how his hands would feel tangled in your hair. You found yourself scanning every room you entered hoping he would be there and experiencing a sinking feeling of disappointment at the times he wasn’t.
The times he was there, though, made you a different person. You were loud, you laughed at the stupidest comments, and tried hard to make yourself the centre of attention, all so you might catch him glancing your way.
When he did your heart almost leapt out of your chest with joy.
You hadn’t fallen this hard for someone in a long time, and definitely never for someone like Loki. He was a god for Christ’s sake. He probably viewed you as nothing more than something to kill the time with while cooped up in the compound. You knew Thor had had a thing with that scientist, everyone knew Thor had had a thing with that scientist seeing as he never shut up about her, but that was Thor. You didn’t expect Loki to be going half crazy over a mortal like you.
You were more than half crazy for him. You were so far gone it almost made you cry out of frustration that he would never feel the same way. You had dreams about him, you imagined what it would be like to have him wrapped around you in bed, you thought about how it would feel to run your hands down his back. You were so far gone it was pathetic.
You had thought taking some time away from the compound to go home and see your family would set your head straight again and you’d arrive back and laugh at how much you’d acted like a lovestruck teenager, but the time away hadn’t changed your feelings, it had only strengthened them. The first person you had wanted to see when those airplane doors had opened was Loki, and he was most definitely the reason you had decided to come to the compound instead of heading straight home to your flat, no matter what other lies you told yourself.
You were totally, completely in love with the God of Mischief.
With a groan you flopped your arm over your eyes and let yourself fall asleep in a desperate attempt to ignore everything for at least another few hours.
oOo
Your eyes snapped open. You didn’t know what had caused you to wake but one look out of your bedroom window told you that you had slept for much longer than anticipated. It had been mid afternoon when you had arrived back at the compound and the sky outside was now an inky black. There was your sleeping schedule out the window.
You pulled yourself from the bed with a stretch, feeling a great deal more refreshed than you had a few hours ago, a lot more clear headed. You weren’t some fifteen year old with a crush, you were a grown woman who was being ridiculous. Telling Loki how you felt was the only way you were going to find any peace, and the high likelihood that your feelings were unrequited was a chance you were going to have to take. You were a big girl and you’d eventually get over it.
First, however, you needed tea, if for no other reason than to plan out how you were going to approach this. Your mind was in overdrive as you padded down to the kitchen. How exactly did one go about telling a Norse god that they were in love with them? You wished that you could confide in Wanda. This was her area of expertise but if things went wrong, and you were more than certain they would, you wanted to be able to lick your wounds without pity from anyone.
You flicked the switch to boil the kettle and pulled your favourite mug from the cupboard, a little smile pulling at your lips as you thought about the times you’d come to the kitchen for the exact same reason and Loki had already made a steaming cup of tea for you. God, how you wished everyone else could see the same side of him you did.
You swirled and dumped your teabag, added your milk and sugar, and turned to go and curl up on one of the sofas to work out your plan of action, but your heart gave an almighty leap as you glanced out through the glass doors across the way.
Loki was sitting alone out on the terrace.
You swallowed hard and gripped your mug. It looked like the universe had decided you were going to improvise this.
A little shakily and with your heart racing in your chest you crossed the living area and slid open the French doors to join Loki outside. He didn’t look up but you knew he knew it was you. The night was still and you breathed in the unique scent you had some to associate with New York. How had you managed to stay away for so long?
With a racing heart you sat in the seat next to Loki, curling yourself into the arm and gratefully pulling one of the terrace blankets over your legs.
“Hey stranger,” you greeted him, your nerves making you sound a lot chirpier than normal. “I missed your stupid face,” you fell into the familiar routine of teasing him.
Instead of rising to your teasing, though, Loki stayed quiet, the only indication that he heard you was a slight raise of his eyebrows. He didn’t even look up from his book.
You shifted a little uneasily in your seat, ignoring the alarm bells in your head screaming that something was wrong.
“Get up to much mischief while I was away?” You tried again, bringing your mug to your lips in a vain attempt to hide your nerves.
Again, he didn’t look up. “Perhaps,” he said eventually, and the coldness of his voice made your heart sink. What the hell had happened when you were away?
The alarm bells in your head were growing louder and your stomach was turning, but still you pressed on, desperately telling yourself that he was pissed at something else and not you. It couldn’t be you.
“Ohh please tell me you pulled one over on Tony! I mean, I love the guy, but his ego can be infuriating, and the whole alpha male thing he has going on makes me want to bash my head against the wall sometimes,” you rambled on, hoping that Loki would forget about whatever it was that was bothering him now that you were back.
When the silence stretched on and Loki sat unnaturally still beside you, you chanced a glance in his direction only to find him studying you with the same cold look you recognised from the Before Times. If it was possible your heart began to race even faster. Something was very, very wrong.
“You look happier,” he said eventually, his voice still cold and his eyes never leaving you.
Your brow furrowed slightly. You were sure you hadn’t said anything to him in the past few months, but had he picked up on how much you had been missing your family? Had he heard you telling Wanda about how excited you were to see them again? Was he mad because you had left him?
“I am,” you answered, giving him a small smile. If only he knew how he had haunted your every waking thought in the weeks you had been away. “The trip home was nice. I needed it more than I knew.”
Needed it to know that I’m absolutely crazy about you, you thought.
You waited for your Loki to reappear. Maybe he needed a few minutes of letting you know how he had missed you before he came back to himself. He wasn’t great with his emotions, this you knew, so maybe this was his strange way of telling you that he had missed you.
Instead, Loki scoffed at you and your confusion grew. Before you had the chance to work up the courage to ask what was bothering him, he slammed his book shut and pulled himself from his chair.
“He’s welcome to you,” Loki practically spat, his voice ice cold. “I don’t have time for runts.” He strode past you and you heard the glass door slide open and slam shut.
You were struck dumb, only able to stare blankly at the space he had been sitting.
I don’t have time for runts
Weeks ago you had confessed to him how you felt like the runt of the Avengers litter. You didn’t have magic, you weren’t a super soldier, and you definitely weren’t a Russian killing machine. While Loki had all too easily reassured you that you were a valuable asset to the team and a worthy holder of the title of Avenger, you now knew it had all been a lie.
Suddenly, you felt sick as the familiar feeling of anxiety overwhelmed you. If Loki saw you as the runt of the group, then you were sure the others did too and were just too polite to say anything else. Hell, you were sure Tony was regretting the day he’d asked you to be part of the team.
In the space of just a few minutes you had gone from feeling secure in your place on the team to feeling like the others were definitely talking and laughing about you behind your back.
Your trust had been shattered
For weeks after you retreated into yourself and nursed your hurt. You kept mostly to your rooms, not having the energy to interact with the rest of the team. It had been a while since a single comment had thrown you so off kilter, but Loki had struck right at your biggest insecurity. He had made you doubt yourself in ways you hadn’t since you first joined the team. You were crushed and had even begun to question if you wanted to remain part of the Avengers.
How easy it would be to sneak off in the middle of night and leave it all behind…
You had grown used to everyone knocking at your door to check up on you. They didn’t know what had happened, you were too ashamed to tell anyone, but they knew something had floored you and made sure you knew they had your back. If it wasn’t Wanda coming with food it was Peter with a snack or Vision with his almost fatherly-like advice, but when someone came knocking on your door this evening you wanted nothing more than to be left alone to hurt.
You stayed quiet, an action that had become your way of letting whoever came to your door know that you weren’t up for company, but whoever it was knocked again. And again.
“Go away, please!” You called out and threw your head back onto your pillow.
But your bedroom door creaked open and you silently cursed whoever it was. Wearily, you lifted your head again, and your mouth dropped open when you saw Loki standing at your bedroom door.
“You can’t be serious,” you breathed out quietly, pulling yourself into a sitting position on the side of your bed. “Do you want something?” You asked, unable to mask the bitterness in your voice.
To Loki’s credit he looked painfully uncomfortable. He paced for a few seconds before gingerly leaning back against your chest of drawers.
“I...uh...I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself these past few weeks,” he said simply.
You raised your eyebrows at him. “Perceptive aren’t you? I wonder what could possibly have happened?” You retorted, your voice dripping with sarcasm.
Loki’s eyes snapped up to meet yours and you swore you saw a twinge of pain in them. Was the God of Mischief feeling remorseful?
He let out a breath, his gaze jumping around the room before settling back on you. “I wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you. It was unforgivable and I’m truly sorry for the pain I”ve caused you lately. Believe me, it wasn’t my intention.”
You studied him, trying to decipher if he was being genuine or if this was just another one of his tricks. As though he knew your intentions, he let his mask slip, and his face told you all you needed to know. He genuinely was sorry.
“Thank you,” you said softly, at a loss as to what else to say.
Loki gave you another awkward nod and made as if to move towards your door, but you quickly decided to seize the moment while you had it. You needed to know.
“Do you really think I’m a runt?” You asked, hating yourself for how hurt you sounded.
Loki spun to look at you, his face a mask of pain and regret. “I absolutely do not,” he replied with such conviction you felt your mood begin to lift for the first time in weeks. “Your strength is astounding and you grow more fierce with every passing day.”
Quickly, you felt your eyes begin to sting. “Then why…” you trailed off, hating how emotional you were becoming.
For a brief moment Loki closed his eyes, as if the mere thought of what he’d said to you was causing him pain. “I was hurting and I wanted to hurt you...for hurting me,” he confessed, making you more confused than ever.
“Loki...please...what did I do?” You gazed at him through your tears, begging him to tell you. Hurting him was the last thing you ever wanted to do, and you needed to know how to fix this, how to fix him.
For a few moments he said nothing, making you think he was going to leave and leave everything still a mess, but he finally joined you on your bed, resting his arms on his knees and gazing down at the floor.
“I’m not great at this, so please bear with me,” he said, his eyes still on the floor. “I saw a photo of you on Stark’s laptop device when he left it unattended. You were with another man. I was...angry and...hurt because I thought ...I thought our friendship may have been growing into something more. I thought I may have had the chance to court you, but if he makes you happy...well, then I’m happy for you,” he finished, finally turning his gaze to you with a pained smile.
For the second time in the past few weeks you were dumbstruck, and for the first time since your conversation with him on the terrace you laughed. You laughed so hard you doubled over. Immediately, you were filled with relief, with joy, and most of all with hope.
“Oh, Loki, I’m sorry!” You said eventually, taking in the stunned expression on his face. “I’m so sorry. Loki, the photo you saw? That’s my brother. There is no “other man” in my life, I can promise you that,” you explained. Your eyes were still full of tears, but they were tears of happiness.
You watched Loki’s face go through a myriad of emotions, from disbelief, to shock, and finally to what you hoped was delight. Tentatively, you reached out and took his hand in yours, his fingers curling around yours like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I would be honoured if you courted me, my prince,” you said, your voice thick with elation. This was everything you had dreamed of for the past few months.
Loki raised your hand to his lips, placing a feather light kiss to your knuckles. “I have dreamed of hearing you say those words,” he replied simply.
Your hand still clasped in his, he gently pulled you closer, guiding you onto his lap and resting his hands on your waist. Your heart began to speed up, this time with excitement rather than anxiety, as you locked your arms around his neck, one hand twisting joyously into his hair. It was just as soft as you imagined. His eyes flitted between yours and your lips and your breath hitched in your throat. God, he was so beautiful.
“By norns I’ve wanted to do this since the first time we spoke,” he breathed out, so close to you that you could feel his warm breath on your cheek.
And suddenly, finally, he kissed you. It was slow and deep. He kissed like he had all the time in the world. One hand left your waist to come up and cradle your neck, the pad of his thumb so lovingly caressing your cheek. It was better than you ever imagined, and your heart was full.
When you finally broke for air, he rested his forehead against yours, his hand still cradling your neck. “There is none more deserving to be called an Avenger than you, my darling girl, and I will cut down anyone who says otherwise,” his voice was rough, but his words warmed you from the inside, and you leaned in to kiss him again.