Chapter Text
Veronica fiddled around with a pen, thumbing it between her other fingers, and flipping it around, back into her palm. She tuned in and out of the student council’s speeches, emphasizing the importance of building connections and using your network as a business major. “It’s crucial, not only to your success, but to your survival, here at Stern. Use the perks of your status as an NYU student to their fullest extent.”
Applause. She mustered a measly golf clap, and then waited for the rest of the seated students to get up and start mingling. Veronica stood up, taking a good look at the room around her. It wasn’t that she was scared of making new friends, it was just that learning how to be a person outside of Riverdale was terrifying and that she didn’t understand the point when she had friends in Cheryl, Toni, Jughead, and Archie.
And Betty.
She headed straight for the exit.
***
“I mean, it's kind of annoying that they assume I'm stupid because I don't have a college degree. Between the years of experience I have in the background watching my family run a business as a front instead of just committing to a life of crime, and the classes I’m taking part-time, It's evident that I know what I'm doing. I might as well enjoy being underestimated while I can, though.”
“Yeah.”
“As for people who actually have set expectations, remind me why you're not taking up the mantle of your family business?” Cheryl toyed around with a curl of her hair as she waited for an answer.
“Well, just because Hiram’s gone doesn't mean my mom can't take over for now. She’d rather I get a business degree first, so I guess I get how you feel.”
“All that's left is for your dad to die and your mother to be openly disdainful of you, and we'll be the exact same people.
Veronica couldn't even think of a follow up. She just held her phone against her ear, waiting for the silence to break.
“It's okay to laugh, you know.”
“Yeah, I know, Cheryl. It's just that-”
“-Just that you haven't sounded alive since you've gotten to college.”
Veronica pushed her tongue against her cheek, pulling her phone away from her ear and staring at her screen in disbelief.
“Care to comment?”
Veronica scoffed.
“Well you're obviously holding on to a thought.”
“Cheryl, sometimes you're fucking unbelievable.” Veronica set her phone down on her table and tapped the screen, ending the call.
She sat back in her desk-chair, staring up at the ceiling.
***
Veronica looked out the window, watching buildings fade into trees, trees fade into lakes, then to dirt, and back to buildings. Her suitcase bumped against her knee and she kept her pinky finger around part of the handle so it wouldn’t stray too far. She hadn’t been off campus in a while, much less Riverdale, so coming back, even just imagining it... It was a lot. She was... looking forward- to seeing Archie, Jughead, and even her parents, too. She tried to take her mind off of it all. Looking around, she remembered why she always hated trains as a kid, the combination of the lights and the tiles on the floor reminded her of hospitals, and it made her feel sick if she dwelled on that long enough. Not sick sick, but… out of sorts. Like memories of losing arguments or saying something stupid in front of crushes.
Crushes. She hung on to that thought for a moment. It was fun for a couple seconds before it started feeling shitty. Should have planned something to keep me from coming back here. She pulled out her phone and tapped into her music app. She pressed play immediately. It just mattered that she had something keeping her from being alone with her own thoughts. Being picky about what it was came next. She stared back out of her window.
***
Betty set her baseball bat against the wall of her dorm room. She considered bringing one of them home so that keeping up with practice would be easier, but she liked the idea of a challenge in trying to adapt and make do with whatever was lying around back home. Taking a break from muscle memory and honing her fundamentals- she could use that kind of refresher. Already in her jeans, she slipped a denim coat over her black peplum top with thin white stripes, then started to throw on a scarf. She locked her door and headed outside, towards the school’s shuttle stop. She pulled up her phone and checked her local bus app. The shuttle was coming in 3 minutes, and then it would be a straight shot from there to the train station, then to home. She slipped her phone into her coat pocket and dug her chin into the wrapping of her scarf. As she waited around, a car pulled into the shuttle’s stop-lane.
“Yo, Cooper!”
Betty looked up. “Sawyer?”
He flashed a toothy grin from his car. “Need a ride?”
“I’m headed back home to Riverdale.”
“That’s tri-state, right?”
Betty nodded.
“Hop in.” Sawyer looked in his rearview. “Fast, Cooper. The shuttle’s coming up on my ass.”.
“You’re the one who slid into the bus lane.”
“Did you want a ride or not?”
Betty shot Sawyer a finger gun before heaving her suitcase into the backseat and hopping into the passenger seat. As the shuttle bus blared its alarm at the car. Betty took a moment to grab her seatbelt. “You’re a lifesaver, I was thinking about taking the train home.”
“A waste of your time and cash.”
“Again, thank you.”
“What’re friends for?” Sawyer smiled. “Take the aux, play whatever you want.”
***
Veronica hopped out of the train. She could feel her teeth chattering against each other as she moved along, making her way out of the station. Her hairband prevented the winter breeze from completely ruining her hair. Even wearing a puffy jacket barely helped her, she felt the chill of winter in her bones. Her eyes darted around the lot, looking for Smithers. Her phone buzzed in the pocket of her coat. Pulling it out, she slipped off a finger of her black leather glove to navigate the screen, picking up.
“Right in front of you, Veronica!!”
Her focus shifted from her phone to the car lane out in front of her. A couple cars down, Hermione stood right next to her open passenger door, waving to Veronica. She hustled over to her ride.
“We were honking the horn and calling out for you but you didn’t even notice! Are you feeling alright? How’re you doing? I missed you so much!” Veronica could barely get a word in as Hermione held her face, pushing on Veronica’s cheeks a bit with her thumbs, getting a good look at her daughter. “I hope the city’s treated you well.” Hermione held her for a second, then brought her in for a warm hug, and Veronica could swear, for the first time in months, that the life she was living felt real again.
“It’s the city, Mom. It’s nothing a Lodge can’t handle.”
“Fair enough, Mija.” Hermione gave her daughter a good, hard look.
“You seem tired, though’.”
Honestly?“All I want to do is get back into my own bed and sleep.”
“Let’s get you home then.”
**
Veronica’s room engulfed her as she laid asleep in her bed. Behind her was her window, cracked open just a bit to let cold air flow in while her house’s heating ran and she stayed under her covers. Her laptop sat on the left side of her bed, waiting for her to get back to working on any of the projects she had going on.
She woke up at 5AM with nothing to do but be restless. Naps always felt good in the moment, but when it came down to it, she ended up like she was now- unlocking her iphone and scrolling through Instagram to see all the events nobody had invited her to. Cheryl and Toni went rock climbing, apparently. Cheryl did physical activities? In public??? And how long had they been in town for? Cheyl forever, probably, but Cheryl and Toni, the last Veronica heard of the pair, had amicably broken up. Toni hadn’t been in town for a while.
How long have I been out of the loop?
She hopped out of her bed. Pyjama top on and a leg into her sweatpants, the other leg making the garment work with her as she waddled out of her room (this ultimately took more effort than if she’d simply taken a moment to stop and put the pants on). Veronica made her way into the kitchen, fumbling through cabinets until she found the one with her family’s favorite tea. Handmade, tiny strung sacs of tea leaf and spice. Chamomile worked, for now. Over to the electric kettle she went. It was less than a minute before the water was boiling, then into the mug and over the tea bag. She fished the bag out with a little spoon and left it on top of an equally little plate. With that, it was back to perusing everyone’s socials.
She knew the basics. Jug got with someone, the two gave it a go for a year and a half, and now he was flying solo once again. Archie and Reg managed to pull through, strong as ever. It was only a matter of who was going to pop the question. (It would be Reggie, of course.) And-
-And Moose and Midge had already gotten engaged. How nice. Good. Wonderful- for them. Nothing else to see here.
In spite of being up and about, the chamomile, combined with gluing her eyes to her screen, knocked her out soon enough. Better to rest. More peaceful that way.
Besides, it wasn’t long before she’d jolt awake from her dreams in tears. Gasping for air and in several different kinds of pain, all because her stupid fucking brain couldn’t just stop thinking about her. Wanting. Craving. Missing her. And suffering for it.
...
Better not to think about her- them or it. Better not to think at all. Back to the phone.
Instagram? We know what we want to find there. Too easy. Too obvious, and too risky.
Facebook? We’re out of touch, but not old.
Tumblr? If she felt like revisiting any of her own attempts at poetry, sure. That was a short lived career for a reason.
Tinder? Bumble? Give me a break. The very surface of what she wanted couldn’t be seen- so much as scratched- there.
Her fingers moved faster than her thoughts did, and the feedback of the dial tone buzzed against her skull.
“The winter night makes insomniacs of us all, apparently.”
Already sniffling, teardrops hitting her thighs, the embarrassment hitting her cheeks and resting her head on her fist, knuckling right under the center of her forehead, above the bridge of her nose. She sighed to make the sniffling ease up for a moment.
“Listen, Cheryl, I’m sorry. Can you just stay on the line with me? Please?”
“Of course.”