Work Text:
Taking a cup out of the cabinet, Seokjin sighs. Filling the cup with water, Seokjin sighs. Putting the cup in the microwave for a quick coffee that will get too cold far too quick, Seokjin sighs.
He feels heavy, his arms weigh more than they should. He remembers he didn’t use to feel this way, but he doesn’t remember what that was like. What did he think, if not only of the past mistakes he’s made. How did he fall asleep, if not by crying himself into exhaustion. When did he work, if not only when he’s dragged out of bed.
He does remember getting up early in the morning, ready to face the day with the movement he had been accumulating for the past few weeks. He used to open his eyes with a smile, closing them up again to enjoy the refreshing splash of cold water and also to apply the best-smelling lotion he has ever found. He used to breathe it in, and he’d feel calm. It used to be so soothing.
Today, he doesn’t even think about washing his face. He finds no use in it since his skin is going to get dirty anyway and it’s going to stay dry and ugly no matter what he does. What’s the point. The water is now too cold, the lotion too useless, the morning too tiring.
His routine used to bring comfort and order to his life. He knew what he was meant to do, even if those things changed every day. Monday this, Tuesday that, and so on. He used to know by heart. And he used to have energy for every activity. Today, he has to rely on Yoongi to send him texts with reminders. He has to rely on Jungkook to cook meals for him. He has to rely on Namjoon to tell him what to sing. He has to rely on Hoseok to correct mistakes he used to catch before anyone told him. He doesn’t expect any sort of physical affection, especially when he’s like this. Yet, he gets cuddles from Taehyung and massages from Jimin.
He knows he loves them all. It breaks his heart to not remember how strong that used to feel.
He sips his bitter coffee and leaves the kitchen.