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Hey,Koutaro?" Bokuto looked up from his switch and smiled.
"Hm? What is it,mom?"
"Please,can you just try it out,for me?"
"..what'dya mean?" Here we go again..
"Y'know,high school? You're fifteen,now!"
"..."
"If only,please..a term?"
He put his switch down after saving his load data,forcing a smile at his mother as not to worry her.
"..fine.."
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Standing infront of his prestigious new school,Koutaro Bokuto took a deep breath and opened his eyes,to try and take in the surroundings of this unfamiliar place. It was new,unusual,and oh so big.
How an earth..was he going to survive high school? He wasn't..exactly normal. He had a sort of barrier,a barrier in his brain,he was wired different.
At times he wished he didn't have it at all. So he could be treated normally,and not as if he were a delicate object,one wrong move and he'd shatter. When teachers would lower their voices as if he was stupid and unable to comprehend words.
But Koutaro was grateful,relieved for the diagnosis even,because it gave him and his mother so much closure and explanation to her sons troubles. To why he acted the way he did.
ADHD.
Those four words,the one short phrase,gave so much away to Bokuto and his mother,stuff they'd never even thought about.
His short attention span,the way he'd try and actually listen during classes,to try and get at least a C to impress his teachers. The difficulty in trying to stay focused while listening and being part of a conversation,but drifting off into his own head. just unable to stay in the zone and talk to people like the other kids his age could.
The impulses to do random things like bend a ruler until it snaps,simply because his brain told him it would be a fun thing to do.
The acting without any thought of repercussions. Where he'd yell something embarrassing to his (ex) friends at the top of his voice,without thinking of what the other would feel and do about his actions. It just didn't cross his mind. And in the rare case it did,it was purely instinctual. He didn't really have a filter.
All normal things,assigned with ADHD. The one's people know about,and children use as an excuse to act out infront of their peers.
But,as in most mental disabilities,there is a downside in the mental health factor...
The times where he was feeling so done and exhausted over the slightest little thing, something that a 'normal' person wouldn't have to worry about. He'd spend hour apon hours simply staring at the whitewashed ceiling above him,thinking about anything and everything that came to mind.
The anxiousness over things that again, 'normal' people wouldn't have to worry about. Like not talking in a group of people you don't know particularly well,in fear they'd think of you as stupid or weird.
There were so many things that couldn't be explained before,that were all brought to light with four words.
'Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder'.
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"AgaShhIiiIi!!"
Again,and again,and again. The constant slam of volleyballs against the cold,hard floor,would have been tiring for most people,but the consistency of it all excited Bokuto.
"Pleaseeeeee? Only a few moreee..?"
Akaashi shook his head,a small smile playing on his lips. As much as he was tired,he couldn't resist his big beefy sweetheart of a boyfriend. "Okay Bokuto-San..Only a few more minutes,though."
Meanwhile,Bokutos classmates and ex friends watched on the sidelines,a variation of pitied and disgusted faces adorned on their faces,whispers and insults being chucked between the group like a crude game of Chinese whispers.
"Poor Akaashi,having to deal with him..".
"It's like trying to control a huge fucking baby!"
"I certainly couldn't do it..what a..freak.".
And in those few moments,Bokuto seemed to sink,the sparkle in his eyes dulled,the golden aura he usually emmited fading to nothing,and his posture going to one of an injured person,head down,shoulders slumped.
He purposely missed the hit,and simply walked away.
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He couldn't focus,everything was spinning around his brain in an incomprehensible blur. Pen in one hand,snap toy in another,he tried to focus on the professor.
He needed to listen,this damned class was worth 20% of his final grade,but no sleep,and an early morning panic attack,mixed with exam revision,wasn't a good combination.
What even was algebra anyway? It all looked like a bunch of squiggly characters,random numbers,and letters to him!
Why an earth would he even need this stupid class if he was going to pursue in Volleyball,anyway? It's not as if he'd need to know what - 6x + 5 + 12x -6 means in the future!
It's not as if he'll need to calculate the exact distance between his hand and th..
"Mr Bokuto!"
He flinched harshly and snapped his head up,being met by the angry eyes of his proffesser,glaring at him and his work,or well..his lack of work.
"What an earth do you think your doing!? This isn't preschool! Put the toy down!"
His eyes widened,as he looked from his paper to her,trying to find an excuse,but unable to find words as he felt his chest tighten. He looked towards Akaashi,on the other side of the class,just before his teacher yelled again,desperate for the other.
'K-Keiji..I can't do this.."
But of course,Akaashi didn't hear him.
Bokuto whimpered in fear and covered his ears to try and block all the yelling. It was too much. He couldn't do it. He couldn't.
'Akaashi..'
'Keiji..'
'Please..'
He couldn't breath,it was so hard. His chest felt as if it was burning,unable to breath,the fire in his chest just flickered more,constricting him. He reached up and clasped at his hair,pulling at it in a blind panic,to try and feel something apart from the flames in his chest.
"Kou.."
'Keiji..?'
"Koutaro..I need you to look at me,okay..?"
'I can't.. '
"You can't focus if you're unable to breath,baby.."
He snapped his head up from the desk appn recognition of at the others voice,realising he wqsnt imagining it. Wide golden eyes meeting worried aqua,the other crouching down to meet his eyes,hand outstretched for Koutaro to take,which he gratefully accepted,holding on as if it were a lifeline.
Keiji held onto it tightly,rubbing his thumb over the back of his boyfriends hand,a tactic he knew worked from past panics,it always seemed to sooth him. Any sort of affectionate contact that would be,like a hug,hand holding,stuff of the sort.
"Okay Koutaro,deep breaths for me,please..?"
He stared into his boyfriends glassy turquoise eyes and simply wondered.
'How an earth did I get so lucky..?'
He didn't deserve Keiji.
He was large and beefy,the other was small and slender,tall but model-like. Bokuto was loud while Akaashi was quiet,while he preffered playing Volleyball with everyone,Keiji liked it when it was just him and Kou alone,where they couldn't practice together and be affectionate toward one another without being stared at in disgust by their prejudiced society.
Akaashi seemed to notice the sad glint in the others eyes and smiled reassuringly,that small,nervous,but calm,beautiful smile that only Bokuto was allowed to witness.
"I love you,okay..? I'd give my world to you..you're everything to me.."
Bokuto took his first calmed breath,the flames dying down.
When Akaashi was there,he knew he would be okay.
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A sigh left his slightly parted mouth as he stared blankly at his phone,just the same as he had been doing for the past three hours. Even his favourite video apps seemed boring,with the content simply repeating over and over and over again.
His hair dirty,clothes scattered over his bedroom floor,along with various crisp packets,showed just how little motivation and bad he felt.
He'd skipped school,for three days,now. No one knew where he was,he didn't bother to alert anyone on his whereabouts,he just..stopped going. How could he go to school if he could barely muster the energy to get out of his bed?
Dropping his phone on the mattress below,he glared at the ceiling for no actual reason,except just to let out some frustration without tiring himself out. He hadn't played Volleyball in days,he missed it of course,but he just couldn't right now! He was most likely putting his team behind,being the captain,but coach knew about 'this' , so at least his back was covered in that field. But,it must be hard for a setter without their ace. How was Akaashi still practicing?
Akaashi.
How was he? Bokuto didn't know,he didn't want to be a bother and message Akaashi first,but he also knew Akaashi didnt want to either,so they simply had not spoken. He ignored all the messages from his teammates. He didn't want to talk,and no one was going to make him.
He missed Akaashi. So fucking much.
But did Akaashi miss him..?
He let out a bitter laugh. Of course he didn't! Akaashi didn't need him,he has enough people to make him happy without Bokuto. Maybe,just maybe..
Akaashi has found another setter? One better than him?
One who was quieter,and listened better,who didn't overwork themself and stay up late into the night,forcing Akaashi to set for them.
A single lonely rolled down his cheeks,and he clasped his phone to his chest.
I miss Akaashi..
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Thunder crashed and lightning crackled in the sky,and Koutaro pulled his hood over his head more as the rain poured down over his body,as to at least try and avoid soaking his hair. All he'd wanted to do was go for a walk,and ended up getting caught up in a thunderstorm.
He clasped his hands over his ears as a bang erupted from the sky. He just wanted to get home,and so he put his head down and continued on,down the road through the local park,scarcely noticing any of the things he usually would with his perceptive eye,like the mother ducks protecting their babies,or the water fountains overflooding and flooding the concrete below.
Curse him and his stupid mind..
Don't take your phone,he thought. It'll be fine,he thought..
Well look where that got him..soaking wet,his clothes making their own puddle underneath him,and trembling from the sheer coldness of December.
taking his hands off of his ears,he wrapped his arms around himself to try and preserve some body heat,it was his best bet at this point,to try and avoid getting ill.
"Kou..?"
Bokuto laughed to himself. He was going mad,huh? The lack of social interaction and sleep was really getting the better of him,to the point he was imagining his boyfriends voice,and so he carried on walking,not even bothering to look up.
"Koutaro Bokuto,listen to me..!"
"Wha..!"
He went to yell,snapping his head up angrily at whoever was yelling his name. Though,all curses dying on his lips when their eyes met for the first time in what felt like years,sapphire meeting Amber.
Keiji.
Akaashi looked rough,and..like he was crying..? His puffy eyes and red cheeks,thr lack of glasses,his hair messy and clothes hanging off of him. After all,they weren't even his own.
Another crack of lightning made him flinch,and Akaashi was there in a heartbeat,cuddling him tight.
"K-keiji.."
The other looked up,barely noticeable tears rolling down his face in time with the rain. "M'so g-glad you're okay.."
Glad? Keiji was glad?
But why..?
Why he so happy to see him? He was nothing but a bother..he deserved someone better.
But,when Akaashi leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek,all doubts,worries,and fears he had in his gut just..
Melted.
He leaned into the others embrace and whispered two words,tears pooling in his eyes.
"I'm home.. "
Keiji laughed softly,wiping his face. "Cmon..let's get you home,hm..?"
But Bokuto didn't need to 'go home' , because when he was with Akaashi Keiji,his soulmate and best friend,his setter,he was at peace.
With Akaashi,Bokuto knew he would always have the warm feeling of being home.