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“Baby, I don’t feel so good,” six words you never understood.
Kyungsoo always wondered if his opinion mattered in their relationship. Minseok always did what felt right for him: he would ask Kyungsoo to ‘tag along’ (more like force him) to those flashy company parties, even when the younger had announced his distaste of parties. Minseok always did what he wanted to do, let it be with Kyungsoo’s consent or not. He’d kiss him in public, even if Kyungsoo was against it, even if he explains he didn’t believe that they have to showcase their love to the entire world.
“I’ll never let you go,” five words you never say. (Awww)
Kyungsoo was insecure, he was fragile and all he expected was reassurance and love from his boyfriend, but all he got was anxiety and fear. He wanted Minseok to tell him that what they had was permanent but the older never did that. After almost four years of being in a relationship with Minseok, every word he uttered would trigger anxiety in the younger. Kyungsoo was so afraid of talking with his boyfriend that he would rehearse what he wanted to say multiple times before he actually spoke.
I laugh alone like nothing’s wrong, four days have never felt so long
The four days Kyungsoo spent with Minseok at his sister’s wedding were like a nightmare for him. He remembered how he had to fake laugh at the people’s corny comments about how their relationship was perfectly balanced by them. He felt like he was kissing a wall every time they kissed each other in front of his family members. He felt like he was suffocating every day he spent sharing the room with Minseok. He behaved like nothing was wrong between them yet he only wished for people to see through his mask, so that he could cry about it in their arms. He didn’t want to approach people by himself; he didn’t want them to see how vulnerable his perfect relationship actually was.
If three’s a crowd and two was us, one slipped away. (Hahahahahahahaha)
Minseok never liked spending time with Kyungsoo’s friends. He never liked when his friends came over to hang out or for dinner, and he would find excuses to stay away from home when they were coming over. Minseok always reasoned it by saying that they are a bad influence and Kyungsoo thought that his boyfriend was always right, so he didn’t want to doubt him, thought that his words would never be wrong. But when they were by themselves, why did it feel like this wasn’t it? Kyungsoo never understood that, he just went with the flow until the older slipped away, and the younger could only laugh at himself.
I just wanna make you feel okay
Even after Minseok broke up the four years bond between them, Kyungsoo tried his best to get back what they had. Kyungsoo can’t forget the way Minseok would look at him with those full of love, that’s why he wanted to stay. The younger wanted those soft lips on his own lips. The younger wanted to hold Minseok and wake up next to him. Because what they had was special, what they had was precious and what they had was very dear to Kyungsoo’s heart, even if all these dear memories came from a Minseok he lost long before they broke up. Kyungsoo did everything in his power to get Minseok to love him back, he reminisced their memories for the older, told him about his feelings, and even begged in front of him. Despite this, Kyungsoo’s inner self isn’t sure why he took so much effort after how disrespected he and his choices were when they were together. Is this what love’s supposed to be? Is it worth it?
But all you do is look the other way
Kyungsoo’s efforts were all in vain because the older would only ignore him. The older would use harsher words with every passing attempt, hurting Kyungsoo. He was tired but he didn’t stop trying to convince Minseok, but the older only pushed him away. After the older stopped picking up his calls, Kyungsoo went to pick him up from his office and proposed staying as friends. To his shock, Minseok agreed to it. Although he didn’t want to lose him, staying as friends was just hard. Every time Kyungsoo would become intimate by habit, the older would scoff and shoo him away.
I can’t tell you how much I wish didn’t wanna stay
Kyungsoo wanted to tell Minseok how much he didn’t want to stay with him but a part of him wanted Minseok, a part of him wanted Minseok to kiss him in public even when he hated it. Kyungsoo wanted to be loved again by the Minseok he knew four years ago. Kyungsoo believed that the Minseok from four years ago is still there in the older’s heart, so he tried his best to keep Minseok by his side, even if it pained being just friends and watching him talk about other guys, kiss other guys. Kyungsoo only wished to be those other boys, because that’s all he could do.
I just kinda wish you were gay straight
Kyungsoo hates the moment where he fell for Minseok, he hates the moment where he proposed to the older and became his boyfriend. Why did Minseok have to be gay? Why did Minseok have to accept the proposal? Why didn’t he reject him and made fun of him for being gay? There are many why’s Kyungsoo needed an answer for but he could only blame it on one reason, Minseok being gay. He hated Minseok for being gay, he wished the older was straight. He wished he was straight so that there would have never been Kyungsoo and Minseok , there would have never been a Minseok who’d end up talking about other boys.