Chapter Text
"Don't sweat it big blue. I'll fix it!"
"How? How will you fix it?" Clark had an idea of the play here and he did not like it, not one bit. "That's why I'm here. On behalf of earth, please don't try to fix it."
"Simple. I'll go back in time before I gave it to him and it will be like it never happened."
"Traveling into the future is half of what got us into this mess. No time travel. Read my lips Booster. No. Time. Travel."
"Technically this is the past from my point of-" Clark took a step towards the hero by hapistance and larceny, to prove he was in no mood for semantics. "Ok. OK. I'm not sure why everyone's so upset. The whole thing was a joke."
"A joke?"
"You've never heard of a gag gift?"
"You traveled to the 25th century, to buy a very specific marital aid. In hopes that . . . Batman . . ." Pause for emphasis. "Batman. Would get a laugh?"
"So you do admit you two are an old married couple Looking to spice-"
"Booster! Be serious for ten seconds I'm begging you."
"He did laugh!"
"No Booster, he didn't." Bruce had certainly not laughed. He had stormed out of the room and went over a week before making eye contact let alone speaking to anyone in the leauge. Both Clark and Booster had yet to be granted either.
"I can prove it!"
"What did I just say about time travel?!"
"Will you settle for watching the security camera footage?"
"Fine."
The date and time range selected the two men were transported a week and three days back in time. "It's . . . A dildo." Bruce was adjusting the box in his hands as the room grew quiet, as the earth stopped spinning, as time itself came to a screeching hault. "I don't believe this gift is exactly appropriate Booster. What with this being a quasi work holiday party."
"Who said I gave it to you? It's a secret santa could be any-"
"Because as someone who deals with them regularly I know the U.S patent office is not so far ahead of itself it's issuing trademarks out of this millennium." Bruce was giving the box a third glance over.
"Well this isn't technically a workplace. Is it work if you're doing what you love? And you're not getting paid?" He mumbled the last bit under his breath. "I think of us more as a group of like minded friends who-"
"Tell me do I give off friend vibes to you? Because I promise you that is not what I'm going for."
"Booster quit while you're-" Even Blue Beatle couldn't lie to his friend and impliy he was ahead. "Above ground?"
"Lighten up . . . It's just a joke. You never heard of a gag-"
"The thought of Superman and I having sex is amusing to you? How so?"
"Wait how did I get roped into this?" Clark's jaw almost hit the floor.
"Kan't believe it's not Kryptonian." Bruce showed the box to the class and if Clark could have thrown himself through a window and plummeted to his death he would have.
"The Uh. . . Receipts taped to the box if you want to return it." Booster offered the bat who was standing to leave.
"Hmm."
"There! See! He chuckled!" Booster had almost a full blown ta da hand gesture going and Clark was not willing to engage that level of delusion.
"He was clearing his throat as he mulled over his no killing policy Booster." Though in the freeze frame Clark could see where the confusion stemmed from. The corner of Bruce's mouth had twitched upwards. It almost looked like a smirk but it was likely Bruce biting down his blood lust.
"I'll . . . Try to fix this just . . . And I can't believe I'm having to say this, don't gift coworkers sex toys! That's not ok. In fact, just to be on the safe side, do not bring sex toys to work full stop."
"How are you going to fix it?" Booster asked, adequately scolded.
"My plan? Grovel for forgiveness till the direct eye contact becomes so uncomfortable he caves."
"Solid."