Chapter Text
The Valkyrie’s course is locked, headed down. Steve pushes himself back and pushes his hair out of his eyes. He doesn’t look back. “I’m sorry,” he says.
Bucky grabs his hand. “Shut up, Rogers,” he says, very clear. “Save your apologies for later.”
“Bucky--”
Bucky smiles at him. “Yeah, Steve,” he says. “I know.”
------
Bucky’s lips are blue. His eyes are closed. He doesn’t respond when Steve shouts his name in his ear.
But he’s breathing.
Steve raises Bucky’s hands out of the way so he can wrap an arm around his torso. He’s treading water and already the cold’s starting to seep through his uniform. He has to strip Bucky’s coat off because it keeps getting in the way.
“Sorry, Buck,” he mutters. The coat tangles around his foot before he gives a kick and it’s gone, sinking into the Atlantic.
Bucky makes a noise. Steve brings a hand up to touch his face. Bucky’s hair is flattened on his head, falling in spikes across his forehead. He pushes it out of Bucky’s eyes.
“Bucky?” he says. “C’mon, Buck.”
But Bucky doesn’t make a sound again. His head lolls back in Steve’s arms. Steve has to shift him against his shoulder so water doesn’t splash into Bucky’s mouth.
“You’re not dying here,” Steve says. It’s true. He’s going to make it true. Bucky doesn’t deserve to die like this, not after all they’ve been through.
He’s been turned around so many times he doesn’t know which way is east. He looks around for the wreck of the Valkyrie but it’s already gone, sunk through the ice. It’s better that way. That’s where it should rest.
He picks a direction at random, and starts kicking.
------
Steve swims for a long time. The salt stings his eyes and the cold makes his hands and feet numb, but he keeps going. Every time he pauses to take a breath he makes sure Bucky’s head is above water, that he’s still breathing.
The sky is covered in clouds turning red. He thinks there’s a spot that’s brighter than the rest and puts it behind him.
Bucky wakes up, once.
“Steve?” he says. Steve stops swimming at once, pressing Bucky higher up in the water.
“Shh,” he says, tipping Bucky’s head up with a numb hand. “We’re gonna be alright, Buck.”
“Sure we are,” Bucky slurs, grinning lopsidedly at him. “Saved me on that train, didn’t you? Could save me from anything. Always could.”
“Yeah, Buck,” Steve says. He wants to wipe his eyes but he’s still holding Bucky up and it’s not like it matters anyway, with all the water on his face. “We’re gonna be fine.“
Bucky’s eyes slide closed again. He’s still smiling, like he has faith in Steve, like he really believes it.
Sometimes he thinks Bucky believes in him more than he ever believed in himself. Sometimes it scares him, how much Bucky believes.
But Bucky thinks they’re gonna come out of this alive, and it’s true, it has to be true. Steve won’t have it any other way.
When it turns dark, Steve realizes just how much the sun had been keeping him warm, even indistinct and covered with clouds. He’s shivering, despite his steady kicking, and his breaths come out as white fog in front of his nose. He has to pause more often to catch his breath and he can barely see Bucky in the moonlight. He presses a frozen thumb to the curve of Bucky’s neck. Bucky doesn’t react. He can’t feel a thing with his numb fingers.
He clicks his teeth together and keeps swimming. His arm is still around Bucky and that’s the only thing that matters.
------
He finds the ship in the morning. It’s flying a British flag. “Hey,” he says. His voice comes out in a tiny gasp, after a night of swallowing salt. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hey!”
They must have seen him first. He notes a boat being lowered. He’s so tired he doesn’t even have the energy to be relieved.
They manage to drag him onboard.
“Sir,” they say. “You’re gonna have to let the gentleman go --”
“Take care of him first,” Steve rasps. “Bucky. Take care of him first.”
------
When Steve wakes up, he’s dressed in dry clothes and lying in a bed that’s too small for him. He struggles up on his elbows and bangs his head against the bunk above.
“Bucky?” he says, blinking tears out of his eyes. “Buck?”
“Yeah, Steve, I’m here.” Someone’s holding his hand. It’s warm. Bucky’s holding his hand. Bucky’s climbing into the too-narrow bunk, lying on top of his body. “You’re alive.” Bucky touches Steve’s face. “You wouldn’t wake up.” His mouth is nearly pressing into Steve’s mouth. “You wouldn’t wake for such a long time.”
“Sorry,” Steve says. His mouth pulls into a grin despite himself. “Didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“You idiot,” Bucky says, and then he’s moving, he’s turning his head, and now their mouths are aligned. There’s a hitch in Bucky’s voice. “Make me worry all you want. Just.” He brings a hand up to stroke at Steve’s jaw. “Stay alive, alright, kid?”
“Don’t call me kid,” Steve says, but he’s laughing. He can’t stop laughing, his voice wet. They’re alive. They’re both alive.
Bucky moves against him, patting at Steve’s shoulders and chest. “Steve --” he says. “Let me -- I need to --”
He knows what Bucky means. “Yes,” he breathes. “C’mon, Buck. Please.”
Bucky’s mouth is pressed into his collarbone, leaving the skin there wet and sensitive. Bucky slips his hands under Steve’s waistband, wraps his hand around his cock. He’s so warm.
Steve lets his head back down onto his pillow. “I thought --” His throat seizes. He can’t say it. “You were so cold.”
“You should have let me go,” Bucky says, matter of fact. “I was dragging you down.”
“No,” Steve breathes into Bucky’s mouth. “I couldn’t let you go.”
“What if --” Bucky’s pulling at him now, his thumb stroking against the head of his cock. “What if I’d been dead, Steve?”
Steve lets out a sob and presses his forehead against Bucky’s. “I still wouldn’t,” he says. “I would’ve brought you back.”
“You could’ve drowned.”
“Then let me drown.” Steve closes his eyes when Bucky strokes him roughly, nearly too hard. “Let us both.”
“You’re an idiot, Rogers,” Bucky says, but his voice is warm and his hand is warm, and Steve smiles because it’s alright -- everything’s turned out alright, after all.
------
They’re headed back to London. Steve goes topside and looks out at the horizon. He should be celebrating but Bucky’s not looking at him anymore.
He thinks he’s made a mistake.
------
It’s two days later, when the cold’s nearly faded out of Steve’s limbs, that he gets called to headquarters.
“Congratulations on coming back from the dead,” Colonel Phillips says. He presses a hand to his forehead. He looks genuinely apologetic. It’s a look that’s rather alarming on him. “Unfortunately, you’ve been given new orders. From the very top.”
“What is it?” Steve asks.
“You and your Commandos are being deployed to the Philippines.”