Chapter Text
She sits by the lake, hardly moving. She gazes unseeing toward the mountains on the far side. The battle is won, the running is over; she is taking time out of her busy day of helping survivors to contemplate her next steps.
It all seemed so simple - deal with the Horcruxes and Harry Potter does the rest. Only it wasn't simple. Day after day of wearing the locket, feeling the despair, and then Ronald Weasley decides he can't handle it. Coward her mind says. But her heart says that really it's Dumbledore's fault for leaving it all in the hands of teenagers.
And one spy, alone, under enormous pressure. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.
She watched with horror as the giant snake ripped into Severus Snape's neck and shoulder, trying with all she had not to cry out at the gory sight. Once the evil Dark Lord and his monster had left, she rushed to his side, pulling out every healing potion and powder she had from her trusty beaded bag.
The terror in his eyes nearly broke her. When she noticed the silver-grey drops of memories leaking from him, she conjured an empty vial and quickly captured them before shoving them at Harry and demanding he take them to Dumbledore's office to view. Harry and Ron stood there, still shocked by the scene in front of them before she bellowed, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND DO IT!" They turned and ran, not even looking back to see if she was following.
"Don't you dare die on me, Severus Snape!" she muttered as she worked over him. The venom was a sickly green color and when it mixed with his blood, the result was a dull brown liquid that stank of shit mixed with vinegar. She hurredly ground a couple of beozars down, stirred in some dittany and poured the resulting mess over as much of his wounds as possible, which was not nearly enough. His shoulder as well as his neck was torn open and the sight was more horrific than anything Hermione had seen in her life.
"Anti-venin, anti-venin, you must have known this could happen! Where would you keep it?" she asked the silent man, noting that he'd passed out completely after giving her the memories. She searched his pockets until she found a small vial of something she didn't recognize, glowing blue; she decided it was kill or cure and he was dying as it was, so she popped the cork and tried to get him to swallow it down whatever throat he had left. When that didn't work, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and spelled it (she hoped) straight into his stomach.
She came across a vial of Blood Replenishing potion, but with the wounds to his throat, she decided to spell that directly as well. He wasn't looking too good and the beozar/dittany mixture didn't go very far, but she didn't have anything else she could do for him except try to wrap a makeshift bandage around his neck and shoulder and pray to whichever gods were listening that it would be enough.
Hermione sighs as she sits by the lake. Her nightmares, already numerous since being taken and tortured by Bellatrix LeStrange, have an added element to them since the Shack. Running and finding Professor Snape already dead; running and finding Batilde Bagshot, only with Nagini's head, waiting for her in her parents' house; running and finding Bellatrix standing at the door to Gryffindor Tower, waiting with a larger-than-life knife glittering in her hands. All this, and the sight of Severus Snape lying dead, his eyes open and accusing, "Not such a know-it-all after all."
She shudders at the memories of her dreams, then hears the crunch of gravel behind her. Ron sits down next to her. She doesn't say anything to him, doesn't acknowlege him in any way other than to sigh once more.
A few silent moments pass, then, "I'm sorry, 'Mione. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I'm so stupid. I'm sorry I didn't believe in you, in us."
Hermione closes her eyes, saying nothing. There's really nothing to say. Their one kiss, a sloppy gross mashing of tongues and teeth as the Ravenclaw diadem was destroyed is not anything that will make up for what else is wrong.
After a long silence, she sighs again. "You're not stupid, but you are thoughtless." She sees him nod out of the corner of her eye. "I can forgive you for leaving us, but I can't ever forget. And the kiss we shared," she pauses to reflect on her next words, "it was just a kiss."
Tears are running down his face. "I get it. I'm sorry." Her eyes are dry.
"Don't be sorry, it just wasn't meant, you know?"
"I know. I think I've always known, but I hoped."
For awhile, Hermione had hoped too, but that hope was dashed in Sixth year when he had his tongue down Lavender Brown's throat all the time. It was destroyed when he left them in the forest.
"You need someone who can keep up with you. I would probably just drag you down."
"It's not that," she says. "Well, it's not just that." She laughs shortly, without mirth. "You deserve someone who loves you completely, and right now that's not me. I don't know if it will ever be me. Go find someone who loves you and wants to give you lots of babies." She pauses, pushing down a latent anger. "Lavender is healing nicely, at least give her a chance. She loves you more than I ever could."
Ron takes Hermione's hand and looks her in the eye. "I understand. And yeah, I've already visited with Lavender. I kinda missed her last year . . . erm, what I mean to say is . . ."
Hermione reaches over and kisses him on the cheek. " I know what you meant. I'm one of your best friends, Ronald Weasley, and I will always love you, but you and Lavender, that could be something special and maybe what you both need right now is for you to tell her she's beautiful and for her to tell you she loves you in spite of your eating habits." She smirks at him and Ron rolls his eyes.
"I love you too, best friend of mine. I'm glad we'll never lose that." He stands up and brushes off his trousers. "We will never lose that, right?"
The silence stretches. Hermione looks back out across the lake to the mountains beyond. "I'll be in soon."
Ron stands there for a second before deciding she isn't going to answer. He walks away, back to the castle where his family is staying until the Burrow is repaired. The castle, where they can mourn together the death of Fred and comfort each other in their grief.
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Eventually, she stands up, stretching her stiff limbs from sitting too long, and heads back up to the castle. Hogwarts still takes her breath away, especially after being gone from it for more than a year. It's magical, in the so-called mundane Muggle use of the word, and she never tires of the thrill it gives her to know she is allowed to be here.
Leading up to the front, she glances around to see Hagrid and Fang sitting dejectedly on the steps of his cottage. He is mourning the loss of "me friends" the Acromantula. The Department of the Regulation of Magical Creatures came in two days after the battle and exterminated all of them, including the nests and all the eggs. The creatures were responsible for killing or maiming several people on both sides of the battle. No one necessarily misses the Death Eaters, but the loss of students Justin Finch-Fetchley and Mandy Brocklhurst is unacceptable. Others were almost as unlucky, as Dean Thomas had lost his foot to the creatures and two Centaur were mortally wounded fighting to keep the monsters away from the rest of the herd.
Hagrid just couldn't understand. They were his friends, they never hurt him. But just because they didn't hurt him didn't mean they weren't dangerous.
Hermione feels sorry for him, not that he misses his friends, but that he honestly doesn't feel remorse for what they did.
She walks into the front hall and up the stairs toward the Infirmary. This is where she mostly works, helping Madame Pomfrey with changing bandages and giving doses of potions she's prepared herself. With Professor Snape still recovering, Hermione, along with Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott, is making all of the potions post-battle now. She grabbed the Half-Blood Prince's book from the Room of Requirement before they found the Ravenclaw diadem and the subsequent fire, and it's from that which they are replenishing the deeply depleted stores in the Infirmary.
Matron was ecstatic when Hermione volunteered, since Professor Slughorn had perished during the fight for the school. She asked Hermione to please allow Draco and Theodore Nott to help, since Draco was on "house" arrest for now and Theo had been part of the student body who protected the younger students from harm. They both need something to occupy them.
Draco, Theo and Hermione get along fairly well. Draco, ashamed and guilty for what he had been forced to do and watch (including the torture Hermione received in his home at the hands of his mad aunt), is anxious to do something to not only redeem himself, but to keep himself busy while stuck at Hogwarts until his trial.
Theo, never a Death Eater, never really caring about blood purity but unwilling to say so to his Slytherin House mates, had refused to leave and had watched over younger students of all houses deep in the Slytherin dungeons. Between him, Millicent Bullstrode and Tracy Davis (a rare half-blood in Slytherin), they kept the children safe. Professor McGonnagal praised them to the attending Aurors, forbidding them to arrest the trio on the grounds that they were not only not Death Eaters but that they had been instrumental in keeping the younger children safe.
Hermione likes her time in the dungeon Potions' laboratory. She gets along well with Theo, doesn't mock Draco (as long as he doesn't mock her), and together they are replenishing the potions' stores used immediately after the battle. It helps that the Prince's book is thorough in its recipe changes and easy to use, with step-by-step directions. Severus Snape, the young man with so much potential, had detailed his changes meticulously. That he had to throw it all away at the behest of two Machiavellian masters makes Hermione itch to bring both of them back to life just so she can yell at them and kill all them over again.
She snorts softly to herself, remembering that thought as she climbs the last of the steps to the Infirmary. Albus Bloody Dumbledore, Champion of the Light my arse. Keeping his cards so close to his chest that no one could see he was bluffing the entire time. Voldemort was his fault, and she would make sure the world knew it. One day.
Meanwhile, she strides into the Infirmary, looking for Madame Pomfrey. She sees Matron bent over a sickbed, helping a student sit up to drink a potion. It's Susan Bones, and Hermione smiles at her as she walks up.
"Drink it up, there's a good girl," says Matron, while fluffing pillows behind the girl and straightening the blankets on top of her all in one movement.
"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey," says Susan, reaching for a cup of water to wash down the taste of the potion. Blood Replenisher Hermione thinks, and puts it on a mental list to see if they need to make some more. The coppery aftertaste definitely needs something to make it go down more easily.
"Hello Hermione," says Susan.
"Hello Susan, how are you feeling?"
"Better now. The gash in my leg was bad, but it's healing and Madame Pomfrey says I'll be good to go home at the end of the week." Susan's voice trembles a little, remembering that her home had been destroyed when her parents were killed. Her aunt has taken her in, but it isn't the same.
Hermione nods, understanding. She herself obliviated her parents and sent them to Australia to keep them safe. She knew it was irreversible but did it anyway. She will take a few days later in the month to go make sure they really are alright, but for now she just tries not to cry in front of the boys, or anyone else for that matter.
"I've come to see if you need me for anything this evening, Madame Pomfrey," she says to the Matron.
"Call me Poppy, please Hermione. I'm sure no one cares one way or the other right now." Madame Pomfrey offers Hermione a wide smile and pats her hand.
"I don't need anything tonight, dear. Tomorrow we can go through the inventory and see if there's any potions we need right away, but there aren't that many people here now and it's quiet." At this statement, Poppy's eyes shift over to the makeshift private area where Professor Snape lays in a medical coma.
"That sounds fine, Poppy," says Hermione, trying out the Matron's first name on her tongue. "I'll go get some dinner now, then come back and sit with the patients so you can get some rest." Her own eyes wander over to where the curtained-off area is.
"Oh, thank you! I do need a bit of a sleep, it's been so busy this past couple of days. You go get your dinner, take your time dear, and I'll be ready to hand them off to you when you're finished eating. You've done so many things for us lately, and I know you're tired too, but frankly dear, you're much younger than I am! Go, go, I'll see you in a bit." Matron turns on her heels and goes to the next bed, waving her wand to run a diagnostic.
Susan looks at Hermione and follows her gaze. She understands Professor Snape was a spy, but it's been such a difficult year. She is still processing it emotionally that he was-is a "good guy". Susan lays back down and turns over so Hermione can't see her tears.
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Hermione treks down to the kitchens where most of the meals are being taken due to the Great Hall being such a wreck. The elves are busy preparing and serving dinner to about 15 people, mostly those who can't or won't leave the castle right now. The Weasleys, minus Fred but plus Percy; Harry and Ginny; Draco, Theo Nott and Tracy Davis from Slytherin; Hannah Abbot from Hufflepuff next to Neville Longbottom, holding his hand; Ron and Lavender, for once not speaking but Ron trying his best to eat without making a mess. Professors McGonnagal, Flitwick, Sprout and Vector. Argus Filch, handing off small bits of food to Mrs. Norris. There is very little conversation.
George Weasley sits on his own, not speaking or smiling, eating mechanically. His other half is gone, his braver, more adventurous half. Hermione thanks the elf who hands her a plate of dinner and sits next to George on the bench. She says nothing, only scooting up close to lean her thigh against his, giving him as much comfort as he'll allow.
He looks up and tilts his head toward her, giving her a small smile. Hermione, who is having trouble keeping her tears at bay, smiles back and digs into her food. George returns to looking at his plate, now half-empty, shoving the remaining food around with his fork.
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Hermione relieves Poppy and sits herself down next to Severus Snape's bed. When she went back after the battle, he had mostly stabilized but the damage was still pretty extensive. She and Poppy worked on him for over three hours, Hermione learning diagnostic spells on the fly while Poppy chanted spell after spell to repair the esophagus, neck and shoulder muscles. It wasn't perfect, not with that much torn out, but it was enough so the anti-venin could purge him of the poison, the dark magic dissipating with it.
She hesitates before taking his hand in hers. The magical coma Matron has put him under allows for the healing to take place undisturbed, but some nights it looks as though he is dreaming, and not in a good way. Hermione holds his hand then, giving comfort where she can while he can't know it's her.
Tonight he's quiet, but she holds his hand anyway. She remembers how she felt when she was petrified in Second Year, longing to be touched by human hands, hearing everything and seeing nothing. She wonders if he is feeling the same things. She notices the callouses and scars from his potions-making, rubbing her thumb across his palm and fingertips. A man's hands, not a boy's.
During her time on the run last year, she had considered many things, including all the reasons why Severus Snape would have killed Albus Dumbledore. She isn't stupid, she saw all the things he'd done over the years of their childhood to protect them, and nothing added up. In the end, using a glamour, she risked sending an owl to Professer McGonnagal with her questions and conclusions. The answer she received back was surprising and enlightening. McGonnagal knew the truth, confirmed it to Hermione, but directed her to keep silent. She already knew she shouldn't dare share it with Ron and Harry.
Watching the snake monster tear out Snape's throat at the whim of another madman (she groups Albus Dumbledore in with Voldemort in that category), she knew she must do everything she could to save her former Professor.
Now, as she sits at his bedside, she turns his hand over in hers and smooths the back of it with her palm. "I know you don't want to hear this, so I'll say it when you can't talk back." She smiles. "Thank you, Severus Snape. Thank you for all you did when we were children, thank you for all you did this last year, thank you for teaching us even when we didn't want to learn. Thank you." She spends the rest of the night in the chair beside his bed.