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Kue crossed her ankles tightly under the broom, one hand wrapped around it, one hand holding the severed head of a horned devil against her chest. It was soaking her armor and tunic, but everything she was wearing already needed a thorough washing anyway. She wondered briefly how she’d ever explain how she’d landed herself in this situation, but waved the thought away as Xena pulled the broom up next to the altar.
Remembering the thousand little bottles and jars she’d seen Xena pull out of her robes, Kue asked, “Do you have a container, like a jar or something I could use?”
Xena looked back at her sheepishly. “I need to go shopping for more jars…”
”Oh, god.” Kue leaned back and looked at the ship. “Dyna, can you throw me a container? A cup, or a goblet?”
Dyna gave a thumbs up and ran below deck, returning a moment later with a big cup. He pulled back his arm and hurled it- time slowed as it dawned on Kue what a mistake she’d made.
Dyna’s throw was fine, aimed right towards her core. The problem was on her end. She didn’t move in time and it bounced right off the center of her chest, throwing her off balance. Kue tried to catch herself, but with an already faulty grip on the broom, slipped. She landed in an action pose and would’ve been fine if the ground wasn’t made up exclusively of sharp, glass-like rocks. Her armor negated most of it, but enough pierced her trousers to draw blood.
Xena peered over the side of the broom. "You okay? That's glass."
"So great,” Kue sighed. “I'm doing so great.”
“Do you need me, or can I go back to the ship? Because I don't like it here.”
She just stared flatly up at Xena for a moment before getting to her feet, revealing blood soaking through her trousers. A hiss of discomfort radiated from the crew. She ignored it, retrieving the cup and filling it with blood from the head, pouring it into the altar methodically to avoid overflowing or spilling.
Dyna called, “Kue, are you good over there?”
“So good!”
“We really need to work on your catching and throwing!”
She ignored him.
The cup filled just twice- the head had spilt too much blood on the way over. The altar wasn’t even halfway full. Kue stuck out her jaw. She’d known it wasn’t a good plan as soon as Dyna had chopped the head off, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. Thankfully, they still had a whole horned devil’s body full of blood.
“Hey, Otto!” Kue turned around to face the ship, where the crew's resident goliath was standing at the railing.
Dyna caught onto her plan immediately and interjected, “Are you gonna try and get him to chuck it over?”
She ignored him. “How reliably could you throw that body over here?”
“Uh, how about no, because-”
Otto shouted back, “One second!”
“Oh, no , oh no!” Kue backtracked.
“Otto, no!” Dyna protested frantically. “Otto! Otto, buddy!”
The Goliath grabbed the beheaded body by the ankle and the shoulder shoulder.
“Otto, buddy!”
He started to test its weight, deaf to the captain’s protests.
“Otto, Otto, please. Otto. We have a different way of getting it over that there will be less…”
While Dyna searched for the right word, Xena declared, “It's not coming on my broom!”
“I'm not putting it on your broom, Xena. Do any of you remember anything any of the crew have been saying?”
Excitedly, Nowhere admitted, “Nope!”
Otto threw the body. He swung it back, then forward, pitching it over the railing and directly into the River Styx, where it sank immediately. There was a beat of silence, then he called to Kue, “Unreliably!”
Kue blinked at where the body had disappeared.
Leaning against the ship’s railing, Dyna sighed. “You really did not need to do that.”
“I didn't ask him to!”
“You didn't even need to ask him, though. We had another way of getting it over there.”
“I didn't ask him to.”
“You asked him if he could, remember... Remember the last time somebody asked him if he could throw something?”
“He did it very well,” Kue pointed out.
“He almost killed Dyna,” Nowhere reminded her.
She gave him a pointed look.
Behind him, Otto had picked up one of the dead imps and was lightly tossing and catching it in one of his massive hands. Before Kue could say anything, he threw the imp like a ball. It hit her square in the chest. She fumbled for a second, but managed to catch it. Not before it spattered her with blood, of course.
“Kue!”
“Yes,” Kue sighed.
“After we get out of hell-”
“That's presumptuous.”
“We're playing catch until you get it right.”
Kue narrowed her eyes at him. “I can run circles around you in most fields.”
“Catch a ball, once,” Otto challenged.
“Catch a goddamn anything!” Dyna added.
“I'm doing my very best!” Kue waved them off, using the imp’s blood to fill the cup, then pour it into the altar.
Xena peered over Kue’s shoulder. “We need more imps, Otto!”
There were about ten more scattered around the deck of the ship. Picturing ten more imps being pelted at her, Kue asked almost pleadingly, “Xena, could you go get them?”
“If they're bleeding, no.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don't want blood on my broom.”
“Oh, my god .”
On the ship, Dyna had picked up one of the imps and was testing the weight in his hand. “Kue!”
“Yes?”
“We're gonna practice your catching!”
“Please don't.”
Xena flew up to check the deck for any non-bloodied imps, but found none in the wake of their brutal battle.
“Don't use the charred ones,” Mako instructed.
“The charred ones are in the river,” Xena reminded her.
Another imp was thrown Kue’s way, and was caught with just as much (if not more) difficulty as the first. Before she could recover she saw Otto rearing up. They’d created a new sport.
Dyna yelled with an audible shit-faced grin, “Heads up, Kue!”
Otto hurled the imp at her with impeccable accuracy, only for it to hit a somehow unprepared Kue right in the chest. She started falling back, but recovered with a graceful back handspring, using her armor to avoid contact with the glass shards. She’d successfully received the imp.
Kue started transferring the imp’s blood into the cup and altar before Otto threw another. Already, Dyna and Nowhere were looking around for more to throw. Xena thought about helping Kue, but didn’t dare risk her bare feet on the dangerous shore. She pulled away and rode her broom back to the ship just as Nowhere got ready to throw.
“How many more do we need?” Dyna asked.
Kue was just finishing pouring the last of the imp blood into the altar, and made an estimate. “About six?”
Nowhere lobbed the imp before Kue had even looked up. It tore through the air only to smack into the palm of Kue’s outstretched hand, yet again displaying uncanny teamwork between the tieflings. Unfortunately, despite being caught, the brutally-slaughtered imp still managed to splatter Kue with blood. She closed her eyes as it struck across her face, but opened her mouth and caught a streak on her tongue.
Unfazed (or just unobservant, both were equally likely), Dyna was already preparing to throw another one. When he did, it undershot so poorly it hit the ship’s railing. He burst into a fit of laughter and made a bumbling effort to grab it, only for it to slide off the side and into the river. “Alright!” He demanded, still laughing. “Grab me another!”
Watching Dyna’s fumble, Kue yelled, “Maybe have Nowhere throw more!”
Nowhere tossed another. Kue caught it and got back to work transferring the blood.
Dyna cheered, “Ay, you’re getting better!”
“This isn’t fun for me,” she snapped.
“It’s fun for us!”
“Maybe have the half-orc throw one?” Xena suggested.
Mako looked hesitant, almost guilty. On the one hand, she liked Kue, but on the other hand, she really wanted to throw an imp. Before she could say anything, Nowhere turned around and frowned, confused. “Who are you?”
Kue shouted, “You drank with her!”
He was absolutely befuddled. “I did?!”
To herself, Kue muttered about her blood-drenched clothing, speculating, “We run outta imps I could just wring out my fuckin’ shirt. I’m bleeding and all they hear is ‘toss an imp’-”
“Otto! She wants another one! Go!” Dyna yelled.
“No!”
It was Nowhere who threw again, a smooth, athletic toss. The imp hit Kue and knocked her off balance; she tried to recover, but failed and got cut up some more. She let out a frustrated growl.
Nowhere hissed sympathetically. “Are you okay, Kue?”
Dyna shouted over him. “Kue! Have you given up on life yet?”
She gave him a tired look. “I gave up on life long ago.”
Kue managed to catch the next imp, but just barely. She looked absolutely miserable, and the altar was full, but she still called over, “Let Mako throw one?”
“Yeah,” Xena agreed.
Nowhere made a face. “What is ‘mako’? I think that is fish.”
Kue looked at him. “What is wrong with you?”
“What?”
“Mako has been here for almost a month!”
“When?”
“The drinking contest?” When Nowhere only looked puzzled, Kue prompted further, “At the Ugly Melon?”
He blinked. “There was other people at the contest?”
Kue groaned. “It was you, me, Dyna, and Mako. Xena was watching, and... Kjonk was watching, which is embarrassing…”
“That was great!” Dyna interjected. “Kjonk was experiencing things!”
Nowhere’s eyes went wide. “Oh, the sun riddle person?”
Kue thought for a moment, but remembered a riddle the party had struggled with in a dungeon shortly after the drinking contest. “Yes,” Kue confirmed.
“Yeah. The one who kept stupidly saying sun,” Dyna agreed.
Mako, who’d been testing the weight of the last imp in her hands, hurled it to Kue. It hit her, but she put a foot back to steady her balance and managed to catch it. She sighed, standing upright. She was going to toss it aside, but Dyna shouted, “Kue! Kue, throw it back!”
“No, please, no.”
“We're playing catch!”
“We’re in hell, ” Kue hissed.
“Yeah! We deserve to be here,” Xena pointed out.
“And we're playing catch!” Dyna cheered.
“Hit him with a curveball!” Nowhere cried.
Kue pulled back the imp and pitched it back towards the ship. She was at a disadvantage given that she had to throw upward, but that didn’t completely make up for how poorly the imp missed its target. She hit the side of the ship, so low it nearly went straight into the river.
“Kue…” Nowhere shook his head mournfully.
“What?” She snapped.
“You got to throw better!”
“To be fair, there's an elevation difference,” Dyna reasoned. “You- at least you got it to the ship.”
The rock formation began to rumble as the hidden doors beyond the altar started to push open. Dyna’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit, right.”