Archive of Our Own

---

TOGETHER

---

<<Late 2027>>

Changkyun stirs awake. His eyes blink open and settle on the window ahead and he doesn't need to move to know whose arm that is slung around his middle from behind. He's awoken in Hoseok's bed, and today is Hyunwoo's wedding day.

It's hard to swallow that their leader is getting married. He's not even the first one, but it's yet another step further from the group of seven they used to be. And tougher still because Hyunwoo is the leader. These days their jobs are scattered over the globe, and though Changkyun is one of the guiltiest—who ran away to produce music in Los Angeles with Jooheon—it just doesn't sit well to have yet another member take the same steps away. He knows Hyunwoo plans to settle down, he won't return to music, and that makes his move even farther away than America.

Changkyun's plane arrived at Incheon the night before last, right before the bachelor party. The party turned into a rather sad drinking fest, and Changkyun hopes Hyunwoo will be fit for the altar by the time they all have to stand up there—But that's not the point. Last night, afterwards, Hoseok took in Changkyun, the sappy drunk. Responsible as always, his always-caring, always-welcoming senior brother, with whom Changkyun had fallen into old habits. Whereas Jooheon, who arrived on the same flight with his wife, went off promptly to see his parents, Changkyun wanted Hoseok. It was a craving that swept through him the minute he saw Hoseok at the airport. 

So they had sex. How many times this bad habit has recurred, Changkyun has lost count of. But now he's here again: Hoseok's apartment that he bought when he went solo, and the one that Changkyun saw in videos and secretly despises because it represents independence—independence from the group. And by default, distance from Changkyun and the family their group had built. Sometimes it's still tough to understand why people grow up. Why they needed solo projects and solo ambitions that took them away from the group. It wasn't even a conscious step, they just delayed albums for so long and filled their schedules with other commitments after their military enlistments, and one day it didn't seem like he was leaving much behind when he moved halfway across the globe.

True, Changkyun went with Jooheon, but it was a selfish ambition. He wanted to get away. And it's only when he's lying in Hoseok's arms like this that this knowledge he loves to repress rears its head again. 

Hoseok seems to be awake by now as well, since he caresses up and down Changkyun's arm, pulling closer to his body to speak into his ear. 

"Do you remember our first time together?"

Ugh. Why would Hoseok ask something uncomfortable like that. Of course Changkyun remembers. They had wanted inspiration for a song. Something impulsive, something that felt real. It wasn't even something Changkyun thought about in the moment. He's surprised he didn't flinch away when Hoseok first kissed him. 

"Last night felt a bit like that," Hoseok tells him gently, and Changkyun can only nod. It's true. There was a hunger and impulsive disregard for rules, and that's always the best sex when they fall together that way. But it makes Changkyun feel guilty and he always pulls away afterwards. He hates himself for this part. Because even though they're not a couple and never will be, Hoseok is his older brother who Changkyun cares for, and he thinks it probably hurts Hoseok when he leaves so abruptly. 

"Do you have something on your mind, is that why?" Why they had sex again, Hoseok means. And yeah, Hoseok is right, that's exactly why.

They'd gathered and Kihyun had bragged about his latest girlfriend—always a fling that lasts a month tops—and to counterbalance, Minhyuk had proclaimed his eternal bachelorhood, saying he'll only ever be caught dead getting hitched like Hyunwoo and Hyungwon and Jooheon. And something about the way Minhyuk had said it so triumphantly actually made Changkyun feel sad. Because isn't that actually really lonely? Because he knows Minhyuk and the warmth he can provide and what a beautiful soul he has and to not ever share that with someone—

"I've always wanted to know how Minhyuk can stay single. Not one girlfriend in all the time we've known him," Changkyun murmurs.

"Is that what you're worried about?" Hoseok kisses his shoulder. It's a gesture so lovely that Changkyun breaks his own restraints and turns his head to reciprocate the kiss. Pecking Hoseok's lips however, isn't enough. It turns heated quickly and Changkyun has never cared about morning-breath. He likes it when Hoseok gets huffy and falls backward and Changkyun can crawl on top of him. And in his hunger, Changkyun's mouth moves lower, dipping past Hoseok's jaw and down his throat and Hoseok sighs contentedly in that way Changkyun likes—and suddenly he thinks he could go for another round this morning. There's a bit of time if they hurry. 

In one swift motion, Changkyun pulls the sheet away from Hoseok's body and takes his dick between his lips. Last night he had been inside Hoseok. They'd barely cleaned up properly, he can still taste Hoseok's come, still remembers Hoseok with his impressive thighs bent double, whimpering when it felt good and asking for more like a good boy. This morning however, Changkyun can bottom instead. He likes the position they had woken up in. 

Changkyun sucks to get Hoseok hard, to show what he wants, and then reaches for the lube, presses wet digits into himself to get ready, and then straddles the elder. Their eyes meet when Hoseok's hand rests on Changkyun's hip with reassurance, and then Changkyun presses himself down, letting Hoseok's thick shaft enter. Closing his eyes to get past the burn, because he didn't quite prep enough—especially having been so long since they've done this—but that part doesn't matter. He wants the connection and that's why Changkyun moans when Hoseok brushes right over his prostate. That's what he needs to feel. Hoseok inside him, true like he'll never leave. Too bad sex with other people never feels like sex with Hoseok—but that's not something Changkyun wants to think about right now. 

Right now he just needs euphoria so that he can survive the leader's departure and seeing Jooheon with his wife and all the rest of the members again—all together, yet acting like they're not so far apart that Changkyun can no longer touch them. 

He wants to touch sometimes. Like old times. When he could roll over in bed and one of the members would be there with open arms to wrap him in a blanket. When he could wake up and feel his brother against his back, breath on his shoulder, holding him just tight enough that Changkyun was stupid to disregard how lucky he was and run away.

He fucks down against Hoseok harder to wipe away the thought that they're not still together. In this moment, he has Hoseok exactly as close as he wants him. Hoseok runs his hands up Changkyun's torso in admiration and Changkyun whines, lifting himself faster, slamming himself down in Hoseok's lap—near tears it's so good.

And then Hoseok takes him in his arms and places him on the bed when Changkyun can barely hold himself up. In the position they woke up in, Changkyun just pitches a leg up and Hoseok slides inside him again, and Changkyun's heart leaps into his throat. "Oh fuck, fuck me~" He moans as his eyes roll back. Hoseok is tight against his body, giving him long smooth thrusts from behind, plenty of power, all control, like he's at the gym and training to fuck Changkyun as best he can. 

It doesn't take long. When Hoseok kisses his shoulder again, Changkyun can feel those breaths rushing through his hair and it pushes him over the edge. With his eyes closed, he feels weightless. He could fly right off the edge of the Earth if it wasn't for Hoseok's embrace. Hoseok keeps him tight, riding him through the high until his own hits, and though Changkyun is gritting his teeth to keep taking it, he always lets Hoseok finish all the way. 

They're a sweaty mess afterwards, sticky between their bodies and near about to drip on the sheets but Hoseok springs up to grab a towel for them immediately. His lungs are still heaving when he returns. He pecks Changkyun's lips with a big smile.

"I knew I loved fucking you for some reason. Good morning to you too!" he laughs.

---

The wedding is beautiful. Like out of a fairytale. Hyunwoo stands there, grinning from ear to ear, with Hoseok as best man at his side, and the other members right behind, and he vows to love this woman—someone Changkyun doesn't know and doesn't like and it doesn't matter who she is, he would have hated her regardless. There's Changkyun's irrationality perking up again.

Regardless, Hyunwoo is beaming. Even though Hoseok had sat him down gingerly and given him a bottle of water and made sure he listened carefully to one last warning: "You know I love you. And because I love you, I'm only going to say this once more: I don't believe she's right for you. I don't believe she loves you enough. I don't know how you'll be happy with her, but if you believe it then I want you to be happy and I'll never mention it again. If not though, if you change your mind, we'll whisk you away, runaway-groom this instant and we never have to mention it again as well." But Hyunwoo had brushed it off easily as Hoseok's usual over-protective character and assured him he can't wait to be married. Because Hyunwoo has always wanted a family and this was his start, and he would settle down and they would be happy forever.

Well, Changkyun is also sure that it won't be forever, but if Hyunwoo is truly happy, then that's what matters, right? Indeed Hyunwoo's smile has been brilliant enough to melt a thousand glaciers.

Later during the reception, Jooheon gathers them all and proudly takes his very pregnant American wife's hand, places another lovingly over the bump of her belly, and declares for them all that, "We wanted to tell our parents first but now we can tell you too. We're having twins!"

The room erupts with cheers of joy but Changkyun vomits in his own mouth a little. Because he, Jooheon, and his heifer wife had flown the same damn airplane together just two days ago. Jooheon and Changkyun see each other at work every other day, and yet Jooheon the spoiler-fairy had kept this a secret from him?? Frankly, that's a punch in the gut and a glaring demotion from the position of best friend, if the wife is able to twirl Jooheon around her finger this way. Changkyun is sure Jooheon would have told him first otherwise; Jooheon has always wanted twins and Changkyun has known for years.

Sigh. Yes, congratulations Jooheon. Upcoming father and one more notch farther from Monsta X.

---

Hyungwon completely steals the show after, when he slow-dances with his celebrity wife—one of the hottest actresses of this generation—and everyone's phones snap so many pictures that Changkyun wonders how there's any room left for the groom and bride. The pair look like the handsomest couple that ever lived, literally oozing glamour, as if paparazzi flashes follow their every move, and that's why Hyungwon married her. They've been rocky from the beginning, but through the ups and downs of their relationship—from the time of rumors to the official confirmation and beyond—it was inevitable that they caught attention as a couple and therefore the match was irresistible. Everywhere they show up, the room lights up.

Which is partly why Hyungwon and Kihyun rarely talk. 

Not to be outdone, Kihyun also shows up with his latest arm-candy—the one he'd bragged about, and she is indeed very beautiful, to the point that Changkyun wonders how Kihyun even scored so well this time. But unlike Hyungwon, Kihyun keeps her at a distance and parades her like a trophy and Changkyun knows it's the same as all Kihyun's previous girlfriends. Kihyun spends his time with Minhyuk instead—Minhyuk who has predictably shown up single and proud. Though, by the end of the night, Kihyun magages to take a few minutes off from his codependence on Minhyuk and sneaks off, likely to fuck his girl roughly in a bathroom somewhere. 

Minhyuk immediately clings to Changkyun instead. Wanting to reconnect with Changkyun after so long, he's exuberant and chatty as always, and the company is as beautiful as it's always been. Changkyun has never been able to resist being pulled in by Minhyuk's charisma and because of all the beatings Changkyun's heart has taken this week, when Minhyuk and he retire to a private corner towards the end of the night, Changkyun can't help getting closer.

Some addled part of his brain has forgotten that Minhyuk is not Hoseok. Another part of his brain is too curious about how someone as warm as Minhyuk seems to feel zero need for the warmth of others. And lastly, yearning has burrowed deep enough to demand to know if Changkyun should count himself among those people that Minhyuk does not need. So he steps closer. He wants to be someone that Minhyuk needs. And the closer he gets, Minhyuk still holds him. Playful and cheerful as ever and it only draws Changkyun into his flame. Until Changkyun has an arm around Minhyuk's waist, pressing him into a wall and whispering heatedly to him, "Wanna make love to you."

"You're kidding!" Minhyuk scoffs, not sure how to react.

"Not kidding," Changkyun kisses so close to the corner of Minhyuk's lips, murmuring gently. "Wanna run my hands through your hair," which he does as he speaks, "and down your spine to feel you shiver in pleasure,"—Minhyuk's breath hitches and Changkyun kisses his lips gently—"And I want to taste you and please you," Changkyun says as he kisses Minhyuk's lips again.

But then Minhyuk pushes him to arm's length and he's staring at Changkyun with uncertainty and shock, and definite fear as well. "You're s-serious," he stutters. As if it's finally hit him what Changkyun is doing right now.

And Changkyun is stupid and impetuous enough to smirk and say, "Kiss me. I promise to blow your mind tonight."

Minhyuk stares at Changkyun like a deer in headlights for several more seconds, before shaking his head, "No. You've lost your mind." And he keeps shaking his head in disdain as he untangles Changkyun's fingers from his shirt, then leaves promptly.

Changkyun is left standing there, shocked and trying to clear the alcohol out of his brain, to recover his senses and understand how on Earth he could have fucked up so badly as to make a move on a friend. He crossed a serious line.

One more reason to hate himself. One more step farther from their group. Like someone is twisting the knife deeper into his heart.

---

<<Early 2029>>

Not even two years after Jooheon becomes a father, his wife divorces him. Jooheon is left with twin boys and a badly broken heart. She said he worked too much, didn't give her enough attention, didn't understand his culture—Changkyun thinks it's bullshit. Jooheon had been wonderful, and nowadays he cries endlessly in Changkyun's studio, asking to get drunk with him to dull the pain. Jooheon had fallen really hard for her, for the family life, and of course he loves his children who need a mother. But nope, she left him with custody of the children too. Changkyun thinks this is a blessing that Jooheon will only realize with more time.

But for now, it means that Jooheon has been counting on Changkyun to babysit. Without a house of his own (because of course the American wife took the American house in the settlement) Jooheon moves into Changkyun's bachelor pad, where they have baby bottles and baby-food jars and diapers all over, at their studio space as well, and while they keep working full-time, it's become clear they need more help. Taking care of young children is affecting both their mental state and their work productivity.

Changkyun has never wanted children. No matter how much he wants to help and support Jooheon, he didn't sign up for this. So when Hoseok invites them both back to Seoul to check out and work in a fresh studio space, Jooheon and Changkyun gladly take him up on the offer. 

Hoseok, the workaholic, has just been promoted to VP of Starship Entertainment. With a larger budget and authority and working space, he's promised Jooheon help with the children. In exchange, Jooheon and Changkyun can give Starship a few of the tracks they've been working on so diligently, that have been proving successful in the international market, so that Starship can boost the status of their current junior idol group—which is Hoseok's main priority these days. Hoseok remains in contact with Wenees, but his album releases are seldom and most of his music goes to other artists. The agreement between the three producers is win-win: Hoseok wants Jooheon's expert input to lead the company better, and Changkyun wants to get the other members to help babysit Jooheon's kids because Changkyun is not a damn babysitter. No matter how cute Jooheon's twins are—who you can bet inherited Jooheon's trademark dimples.

So Jooheon and Changkyun move back from America, with the intention that it's temporary.

---

It's awkward seeing Minhyuk again after he turned Changkyun down at Hyunwoo's wedding, but it's unavoidable since the designated babysitting location is apparently Minhyuk and Kihyun's shared apartment. They're the last members who still live together.

While Jooheon is immersed at Hoseok's new studio, Changkyun is saddled with dropping the twins off in Minhyuk's care.

Minhyuk had insisted he wants to take care of Jooheon's kids, as if he's been missing something in his life. When they're not at Minhyuk's, Jooheon takes them to his parents' place. But most often, Minhyuk completely lights up and almost won't let Jooheon leave. Jooheon promises to let Minhyuk do as he pleases and that he'll "be back soon". 

Minhyuk kisses his cheek like old times and waves Jooheon off excitedly, while holding one baby on his hip and helping the child to wave goodbye to his daddy as well.

Kihyun watches calmly from the background, caring for the second child, who he's feeding a bottle to diligently. 

"Honey hasn't changed a bit," Minhyuk remarks to Kihyun after closing the front door with a smile, and Kihyun shakes his head fondly. It's been many years since Kihyun has seen that rejuvenated happy look on Minhyuk's face. 

But he also wants to know why Minhyuk hasn't been talking with Changkyun. 

"You're avoiding Changkyun," he cuts straight to the chase.

"Maybe," Minhyuk replies, his expression instantly changing to one of apprehension.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you."

Kihyun raises a very skeptical eyebrow at him. "What on Earth could you possibly have to hide?" he laughs.

"It's just something that happened at Leader's wedding."

Kihyun isn't letting this go. He's always believed that their group’s business is his business, so he wants to know what caused the schism. 

"Fine! I'll tell you! I suppose it's old news by now, but I just feel weird about it," Minhyuk says. Kihyun is waiting anxiously. "He—he hit on me." 

"That's it?"

"Well, it was a bit more," Minhyuk's cheeks flush.

Kihyun's eyes squint.

"I don't know how to feel about it. It was really intense. I don't know what he was thinking."

"Well," Kihyun finally replies, "I know Hoseok and Changkyun have fooled around in the past." He speaks while tapping his chin in thought, trying to make sense of Changkyun's intentions.

"No, I mean, I think he wanted to sleep with me."

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Hoseok and Changkyunie have slept together?—That can't be. Are you sure??" Minhyuk's eyes blow wide.

"Pretty sure. Though, it's not like I'm gonna hear details about it so I'm not sure how far they've gone, if it's on-going, etcetera."

Minhyuk stares at him as his brain sparks with revelations and his neck burns with discomfort. He didn't know something like that had been happening in their group. And even worse is he's unsure if it's even his business to have an opinion.

Kihyun is watching him as if he has more comments on his tongue but Minhyuk doesn't want to hear it.

---

<<Late 2029>>

A few months later, Jooheon and Changkyun have given up on trying to return to America. With Jooheon's ex unwilling to communicate, there's nothing much for them over there anymore; and now that they've established their names in the industry, working remotely becomes preferred. But more than that, they've been happy and productive at Starship, because with Hoseok as the boss, it provides the free reign they were so desperately searching for when they first moved away.

Jooheon, who is a hitmaker no matter the market, gifts a song to Kihyun, because being back at Starship makes him nostalgic for old times, and now that he has the opportunity to write for Kihyun's impressive vocal range once more, he can't help himself. Hoseok ok's the song as a single with limited promotion and it charts surprisingly well.

Although Kihyun isn't exactly active as an idol these days, he has made it a point to keep his name on the fringes of media exposure these past several years, just in case an opportunity for career revival such as this should arise. And now that it's here, Kihyun is purposefully soaking up all the attention and promotion opportunities, squeezing as much work and money out of this period as he can.

At the largest awards show of the year, Kihyun attends, and Hyungwon also attends, along with Hyungwon's wife. The glamorous and popular actor couple once again steal the spotlight on the red carpet, but it gives Kihyun and Hyungwon an opportunity to meet in public for the first time in several years and snap a gazillion pictures together.

During the show, Hyungwon unexpectedly comes to sit with Kihyun instead of his wife (who is obviously his date). The two Monsta X members spend the whole night chatting and snickering  together like old times, as if there was no rivalry between them at all; so that not even a few hours later, the media has their faces and shots of them gossiping together splashed across front pages, and buzzing with unfounded rumors of a Monsta X reunion—and since rumors tend to spiral—also sparking up debate about Hyungwon's possible divorce, since he had acted cold towards his wife during the awards show. 

In regard to these latter rumors, there is some truth. Hyungwon intentionally sought to sit with Kihyun, and starts venting to him that he can't take it anymore, that he swears he'll really divorce this time. That it's not just an empty threat like he's been making since before they even got hitched. He can't stand her nagging anymore. He can't stand that she chooses his acting roles for him based on popularity instead of artistic potential—no matter how effective that strategy is for their careers—and he can't stand the manipulative shit they both pull for mediaplay. On and off and on again, only to tug the fans along, captivating them with empty publicity.

"It was fun at first. Honest, it was. Remember how we used to laugh about it?" Hyungwon muses, his head falling into Kihyun's shoulder as the reporters a few meters away snap up a fury of their friendly position.

"Like when you repeatedly lost our product-placement lottery and had to gush about using hair scrunchies as loofahs?" Kihyun laughs in reply. "Do you prefer I nag you instead of her?"

Hyungwon shrugs. "Maybe I do," he sighs.

Kihyun thinks for a moment, and asks more carefully this time. "Is that why you don't speak to the members these days?"

Yes, that's exactly why, but Hyungwon is too proud to admit it aloud. (They read each other too well to need words anyway.) It's Hyungwon's own fault, hampered by his own ego, eager and arrogant to prove he doesn't need help, he doesn't need support and he can make it on his own—no longer in the shadow of Monsta X. Versus Kihyun, an asshole who had always preached the opposite, that staying together is their strength. 

Well, it's served him right, because Kihyun's career barely straggles onwards, while Hyungwon boasts to himself, that obviously setting himself apart was more advantageous. 

Yet at what price? Because he's starting to hate his own success. 

No, he won't say it aloud. But he squeezes Kihyun's shoulders just a little tighter to show that he does care about his members. He always will.

---

"Uncle Hamjji! Uncle Hamjji!" the twins squeal happily when Kihyun returns home that night. They barrel towards him and tumble against his shins in a pile of limbs that prevents Kihyun from taking a step past the front door. 

Minhyuk chuckles at the sight and plucks each child away from Kihyun's legs in turn.

"You didn't stay at the after-party for very long," he remarks.

"Hyungwon got drunk and I whisked him home before media could get shots of him in that state."

"Really?" Minhyuk comments idly, but with genuine concern. It sounds like Hyungwon has been drinking more than usual. Minhyuk gets distracted straightening the shirt of the nearest twin.

Their topic is interrupted by Jooheon who arrives to pick up his other hyperactive toddler, and nuzzles sweetly into his hair, babbling cute high-pitched "kkukku-gaga" noises to him better than the babies themselves, and making his kids laugh. It's Jooheon's usual cute acting, like the members have heard from him since debut. Minhyuk's expression melts with affection for Jooheon and Kihyun thinks it's really nice to see him smiling and happy again. 

The three of them settle in the livingroom, sitting on the floor and lazily eating the food that Jooheon had cooked in their kitchen before Kihyun arrived. 

"Honey," Kihyun tells Jooheon, "I have to thank you again, you made such a good song. Did they divide the royalties fairly? You better have negotiated your worth." 

Jooheon just smiles. "Don't you worry about that. Hoseok and I have it covered." And though Kihyun raises a skeptical eyebrow at him, it goes unnoticed while Jooheon is busy feeding the toddler in his lap, at the same time as Minhyuk feeds the other.

After they put the children to bed—they have their own little cots in Minhyuk's room—Jooheon decides it's time to reveal some news.

"I've been working on a new song," he says, and Minhyuk laughs.

"When aren't you doing that?" 

"No, I mean, I think you should have it. It's in your range and would fit your voice really well, and I'm hoping you'll sing it so that as I finish it, I can really tailor it for you," Jooheon tells Minhyuk, as Kihyun watches the exchange.

"A song for me?" Minhyuk asks. "But I only sing on radio these days, shitty covers and whatever for my show. I haven't done a studio recording in years. Why would you waste it if you think it's got potential?"

Jooheon frowns. "Why would you say that? Of course it's not a waste! I'm making it for you!"

Kihyun reaches a hand out to Minhyuk to stop whatever argument was about to start. "Honey, why don't you play it? You have it on your phone, right?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah!" Jooheon exclaims happily. "I'll play it first, you'll like it." He's beaming again and Minhyuk can't say no. The song really sounds like Minhyuk's style, and by the time they finish hearing the demo, Minhyuk is practically jumping in his seat.

"Honey! Honey baby, I love it!" he wails and throws his arms around Jooheon's neck, suffocating him with love. Minhyuk is so excited, he smooches Jooheon's cheeks and pats his ass and you'd barely be able to tell Minhyuk was older than the twins judging from his giddy reaction to the gift. 

"Honey is giving me a song~ My god, and it's so good!~" he keeps babbling, even when it's just him and Kihyun left. 

Minhyuk is animated and foolish but Kihyun had seen how Jooheon turned shy to be kissed. The flush on his cheeks was nearly magenta-colored. Maybe it felt too much like old times. Maybe they're too old to still be doing such skinship. Maybe it had made his belly flutter too pleasantly, but Kihyun was glad to see Jooheon happy too. 

Their multi-talented producer Jooheon has been in a better mood since he arrived back in Seoul. And it's nice to see smiles from Minhyuk as well. Those really genuine ones that make Minhyuk's chest puff out with pride. It's been a long time since the members have been this way.

Kihyun wonders what it all means. It feels like there's something brewing that he can't yet put his finger on.

---

<<Early 2030>>

Soon after the new year, Hyunwoo discovers that his wife has been cheating on him—with a lawyer, and in the divorce Hyunwoo loses half his assets. 

He feels foolish and he's completely heartbroken since evidence suggests she'd been with someone else from the very beginning. Hyunwoo is too innocent to imagine why she would ever have married him if she was in love with someone else. But he understands this much: no matter how much Hyunwoo loved her, she never loved him. And this is the part that crushes him. They never had the same dream of building a family together.

He hermits into himself, unwilling to show his face from shame. Too shy to admit to Hoseok that he had been right. Hoseok always bloody knew and had tried to warn him. 

Hyunwoo will need to thank him later, but not right now. Right now he needs an escape and has nobody to turn to except Kihyun. He asks Kihyun to take a vacation with him and the location is obvious—there's nowhere else other than Jeju.

Because Jeju Island has always been their groups' private sanctuary. Somewhere safe. Where mistakes are made and resolved, and always kept hidden between the seven of them. That's what Hyunwoo needs right now. Even if it's just a weekend trip for the two of them, he just needs it so badly.

Kihyun takes his hand in the car on the way to the pension. Kihyun holds his hand again as they walk calmly through a quiet neighborhood. He knows Hyunwoo needs the support and that physical touch helps in moments such as this. Hyunwoo doesn't want to talk about his wounds, he just needs to lick them in peace. Kihyun understands.

They walk together in a peaceful silence for hours. 

Hyunwoo doesn't even have a house anymore. There's nowhere for him to go back to. And there's calm that comes from this. A sense of freedom, despite his heavy heart. 

They walk hand in hand through the sand, past beachfront properties and Hyunwoo sighs. 

"Do you remember the dream?"

"Pardon?" Kihyun asks. They've stopped in front of a quaint house with a For Sale sign, and a boardwalk path onto the sand. There's a large white balcony above the front entrance. Hyunwoo seems to be studying it.

"What we said after debut. That we'd always be together. We promised."

Kihyun's head dips. "I think we're still together."

Hyunwoo looks at him, and in his eyes there's so much pain that Kihyun has no idea what to say anymore. They sit there just staring at this house and suddenly a crazy idea hits Kihyun.

"Listen. What about if you buy this house? How many bedrooms do you think it has? Three? That's good, right?"

"Why would I buy this house?"

"To live in it."

"I'm broke right now, remember?" Hyunwoo laments. And that expression of defeat is nothing  Kihyun ever wants to see on Hyunwoo's face, ever. 

"No, you're not. We can 50-50 it. I want to."

"You're buying me a house?" Hyunwoo is speechless.

"I wouldn't have what I have without Monsta X. You're part of that," Kihyun declares, and it only makes him more determined. He calls the real estate agent immediately. An hour later they've negotiated a price and haven't even looked inside because nobody was available on the weekend to let them in. 

Kihyun supposes this is what it means to follow your bliss. It's crazy and impulsive but it feels right. Kihyun has money from his recent successful song so it's fine. It's like the time Hyunwoo had split his solo earnings with the rest of the members. This is the same. It's a house for Hyunwoo, but it's also a way to give back to the team.

Hyunwoo needs time to heal and Kihyun knows this will be good for him. 

That night, they drink too much in celebration. They call it a new start because Kihyun insists on perking up Hyunwoo's mood. Hyunwoo agrees, and in his sappy state says the only people he's ever been able to count on are the members. 

Though they have separate beds at the pension, Kihyun stays with him that night, legs entwined and shoulders pressed together, and Hyunwoo has a strange expression on his face when they wake up in the morning, like he's never seen Kihyun so clearly before. 

When they part at the end of their eventful weekend, Hyunwoo is unusually skinshippy. He squeezes Kihyun's hand in return and it hits Kihyun that they don't normally act this way. They don't hold hands. Maybe other members do but not them. Kihyun doesn't know how to feel but knows his heart is beating very fast.

---

After the sale is final, and Hyunwoo has the keys in his hand, Kihyun convinces Hoseok to leave the work at Starship for a few days—he can reliably leave it to Jooheon and Changkyun now—to finally take a much needed vacation to Jeju with Hyunwoo. 

Hoseok kind of freezes when he sees the house. His heart constricts with a nostalgia so strong he nearly sheds tears. 

The two elder members are rather quiet that first night. Normally Hoseok would talk, but his heart has felt tight since he arrived. They focus on painting the downstairs, kitchen and livingroom and the veranda, and the time passes quickly as they work. 

At night-time, as they sit outside on the second-floor balcony, staring up at the sky with a drink in their hands (non-alcoholic for Hoseok), it finally feels like the time to open up. Though it's not like Hoseok needs Hyunwoo to tell him the story of his shitty short-lived marriage because he's already heard the news by way of the other members. No, he'd rather talk about the happy times.

"Do you remember after we debuted and decided that we should live together in one big house forever?" Hoseok chuckles.

"Yeah, that's what you said," Hyunwoo agrees.

"Well, I was just thinking, this house reminds me of that."

"Hmm," Hyunwoo agrees. "It was a nice dream." But it was childish and unrealistic, wasn't it? Life doesn't turn out like that.

They're looking up at the stars which seem to twinkle especially bright for them tonight, and Hoseok gets brave to say something else.

"Us seven, you know, that was the best time of my life. Blindly fighting the world with you guys beside me. I was so sure we were going in the right direction, but I think the only reason I was so arrogant was because of the strength you—our team gave me. I couldn't have done it without you."

Hyunwoo hums his assent. Yes, he feels that too.

He turns to Hoseok and they clink glasses. "To the best times of our lives," Hyunwoo toasts, and Hoseok repeats.

---

<<Late 2030>>

When it becomes necessary for Starship to release music in international markets, Jooheon and CEO Kim negotiate a merger with HoneyCo., the company which Jooheon and Changkyun had started in America. The two youngest Monsta X members aren't moving back to Los Angeles anytime soon anyway. And the result of the merger is that Jooheon becomes co-CEO of Starship International. The move is rather inevitable after Jooheon's return had nearly doubled Starship's profits. 

Needless to say, Hoseok, Jooheon, and Changkyun remain as flagship producers for the company. In celebration of such a big achievement, six of the members (minus Hyungwon) decide to spend a weekend in Jeju where Hyunwoo is more than happy to host them.

The only other issue is that Jooheon still doesn't have a home in Korea. He's been couch-hopping for the past year and a half, between his parents' place and all the members who will babysit for him in shifts on different days of the week. Which is great for the twins to get familiar with all their uncles, but not so great when he has to declare a permanent address. Though Jooheon is a workaholic (maybe even worse than Hoseok) he's been very cheerful to be able to work and have his family and kids with him, and it's resulted in very inspired creative material. 

They managed to peel him away from work for the weekend however, and while Jooheon is falling asleep on Hyunwoo's couch in Jeju, he's hit with a question that makes him blink his eyes open. 

"What if you declare this as your permanent residence?"

"Pardon?" Jooheon asks Hyunwoo.

"He wasn't paying attention to the conversation," Minhyuk chuckles.

"We were talking," Hyunwoo says, "and I'd really like it if you would live here. Obviously not full-time. Probably not even part-time, but if you call this your home—"

"Bro," Jooheon interrupts. He thinks for about three seconds, eyes firm on Hyunwoo. "Yeah, definitely. I'll do it." And his brilliant smile lights up the whole room, Hyunwoo almost becomes shy from it. He didn't expect an instant reply.

"I'm starting a restaurant too," Hyunwoo says to Jooheon, sounding a little more self-conscious. "I was just telling the others. I'm opening next week."

"So, you and me, the twins, and a restaurant?" Jooheon smirks. 

"Yeah, I guess," Hyunwoo nods, bashfully realizing that the proposal sounds like a small family unit.

Jooheon's grin gets wider. Maybe he's thinking the same thing. "I think I love the sound of that."

"Good. Then pick your bedroom?"

"The master. Duh!" Jooheon laughs, winking mischievously, and then he turns around to fall asleep again because he's exhausted and this weekend was supposed to be about unplugging.

The decision was surprisingly quick. Perhaps because Jooheon isn't likely to stay here much, but giving Jooheon the biggest bedroom actually makes Hyunwoo even happier, because he knows Jooheon needs the space for the kids. So even if it's just in name for now, maybe one day they really will live together again. That's a happy thought. 

They visit Hyunwoo's new restaurant the next day and Jooheon tells him with a hand clasping his shoulder, "I'm happy that you're living your dream." He sounds a bit mesmerized and Hyunwoo smiles shyly in response. It's nice to have the members' approval. 

"A meat restaurant run by a vegetarian," Kihyun pipes up and everyone bursts out laughing. 

---

The new song that Jooheon gives to Minhyuk gets used in Hyungwon's new drama. The coincidence stirs rumors of a group reunion once more, and Hyungwon's wife doesn't seem very happy about it. But it does drive Minhyuk's OST to the top of the charts.

Minhyuk thinks the song could have done even better however. He's complaining to Changkyun one night, "Honey is a genius, but nobody has taste anymore."

Jooheon looks up from where he's feeding the twins. "I'll give you an even better song next time if you want."

Changkyun purses his lips however. Something about Minhyuk's endless admiration for Jooheon suddenly irks him, and before he knows what he's saying, he's vowing, "No no no, Minhyuk's next hit song will be from me." He turns to Minhyuk with a big boasting smirk. "I'll compose it. You'll see!"

And it's totally worth it because Minhyuk lights up like fireworks and throws his arms around Changkyun's shoulders. He thought Changkyun was in a sour mood, so he doesn't understand this sudden generosity. "Why would you do that, huh?" he asks sweetly while petting Changkyun's fringe away from his eyes. 

Because Changkyun is jealous. It's peeking through the cracks of his stony expression and Minhyuk thinks he understands it stems from loneliness. He reflects on this, and how he really might be falling in love with Jooheon—as if Minhyuk hasn't always been in love with Jooheon from the beginning of time. It's just, it's been a bit different ever since Jooheon moved back with the kids. It feels like family, but something even tighter than before, like the type of bond Minhyuk has always wanted, and the fact that even Changkyun seems to recognize this makes Minhyuk admit that these are emotions he should start addressing. 

When Jooheon is out of earshot and he has time alone with Changkyun—because usually Minhyuk still avoids him. They've babysat together several times, yet Minhyuk is still apprehensive about being alone with him after how Changkyun behaved the night of Hyunwoo's wedding—Minhyuk finally broaches a subject he's been curious about for some time. 

"Listen, I hope it's ok to ask," he says to Changkyun. Hand on his shoulder so Changkyun will look into his eyes, so he knows Minhyuk isn't upset at him anymore. He licks his lips and gathers up his courage. "Are you still sleeping with Hoseok?"

Changkyun gulps, and in his eyes and whole deflated demeanor, Minhyuk is so aware of his loneliness that it feels like it's slapping him. "Uh, yeah. Yes, sometimes." He doesn't understand why Minhyuk is asking.

It's because it's—peculiar—to sleep around within the group. Normally the idea makes him uncomfortable, but with the way Minhyuk is starting to feel about Jooheon, he can't help but wonder what it's like. "It's never been an issue, right? I know you work together really well."

Changkyun nods. His eyes drop to Minhyuk's lips and Minhyuk knows he's in dangerous territory again. He sighs. He's not sure what to feel about stepping over such lines, but he knows Changkyun is well intentioned and full of love to give, and Minhyuk loves him too. He pecks Changkyun's cheek softly, letting their faces linger together.

"Does it feel nice?"

"Yeah."

"And does it make your heart happy?"

"I think. I know it makes him happy too." Though, Changkyun's tone suggests he's omitting a few details.

"Do you regret it?"

"Never."

Minhyuk swallows thickly. "Do you think of me sometimes?"

"Yes." Changkyun pulls away after this, hiding a guilty expression. "I'm sorry I'm like this." 

Minhyuk doesn't understand what Changkyun feels guilty about. If neither of them regrets it, then isn't it ok? Maybe it's Minhyuk who's been in the wrong to think ill of such an arrangement between friends.

He's glad he asked, at least.

---

"No!" Hyungwon exclaims. "I'm done. I'm really done this time. I can't take her anymore. I can't take any of it!" His voice is so aggravated he's nearly shouting.

He's found out that the six other members had taken a trip to Jeju all together and somehow the message had fallen through the cracks, and regardless of how it happened, he's pissed it was without him. He would have gone too! He's on a video-call with Hyunwoo who seems timid because Hyungwon rarely yells. He must be really pissed this time.

"I'm divorcing her. I want my life back—this is insane. I swear to you Hyunwoo, after this drama is finished filming, I'm done. I don't give a shit about the blowback!" He's been in China filming a blockbuster with his wife as of late.

"And what are you gonna do after that?"

"No fucking idea and I don't care! I just can't stand—this—this box—I don't know—just, I can't anymore!"

"Live with me?" Hyunwoo invites, skeptical and thinking it's a long-shot.

But Hyungwon agrees immediately, as if that's the magic solution. "Yes! I swear I'm going to!"

It really is the last straw, because less than a month later, Hyunwoo receives a grinning Hyungwon on his doorstep in Jeju, waving a divorce certificate around in the air like a happy flag of freedom.

"You have a restaurant now, right?" He can't wait to celebrate.

"Yup. Wanna eat there together?" Hyunwoo is a bit stunned at his good fortune. It's really nice to see Hyungwon free of a sucky marriage. Hyungwon throws his one piece of luggage into the third bedroom and claps his hands. 

"Let's get food!"

Hyunwoo nods. Three male divorcés in one house sounds a bit pathetic, but if it's going to be anything like when the three of them lived together back in their 20's, then Hyunwoo is nearly giddy with excitement also.

"Wait 'til you see the menu. Not a single vegetable!"

"My favorite," Hyungwon chuckles.

"What can I say. Food is the way to a man's heart."

Not even a week later, Hyungwon is working at Hyunwoo's restaurant with him. The news media hasn't picked up Hyungwon's high-profile divorce story yet, but it's imminent. Nevertheless, Hyungwon is ecstatic. Hyunwoo can't remember the last time he's seen Hyungwon this relaxed and content. It makes his heart flutter, renewing the dream buried within that he knows is unrealistic. For now, he gets a small slice of it and he's grateful.

---

<<New Years 2031>>

The seven members reunite in Jeju to ring in the new year and though it's unintentional, it's nice to know they're starting the new decade together. It's surprising that they ended up all together after so long because the last time they'd been seven for New Years Eve they'd been on stage. 

Their party takes place at Hyunwoo's restaurant and they all retire to Hyunwoo's beach-house after midnight. 

A rather quieter mood has settled in and Minhyuk and Changkyun find privacy in Hyunwoo's bedroom. Minhyuk feels he needs to explain himself and Changkyun seems like the right person to ask this kind of advice from. 

Though it's forgiven, the way Changkyun had propositioned him that one night is still crawling under Minhyuk's skin. Changkyun had been so open and ready to give himself and that's hard to get over. At first Minhyuk found it shocking and nearly repulsive. But the care with which Changkyun offered to please him lingers. He didn't know they could be that close, he'd never considered it before. But sometimes, when Minhyuk looks at Jooheon, after Minhyuk has spent the day with the twins and those squealing cuties rush to hug their daddy, there's such an emotion that floods Minhyuk's heart, he wants to run into Jooheon's arms and kiss him too. He wants to stay in those arms forever and he knows it would fulfill the longing in his heart. He knows that's the feeling he's been searching for and why he never even bothered with anyone else for longer than one night. Because it wasn't real. But Changkyun was real—Changkyun is real. Minhyuk hasn't asked, but intuition tells him Changkyun would still want him that way. He sees how Changkyun loves him, like Changkyun loves all their members and Minhyuk is trying to wrap his brain around what it means to have physical intimacy between the members he loves. Obviously they're brothers, that's what he's always felt. And yes, sometimes small sparks of attraction nip at his heels, sometimes—he's sure they all feel like this—he can't help the flutter of arousal from flipping his belly around. But it's not the way Changkyun offered—sex. 

Fuck, that idea shivers right up his spine.

Minhyuk clears his throat. "I need to confess something." It gains Changkyun's full attention. "You remember you wanted to know why I don't get into relationships." 

He takes Changkyun's hand and he's relieved that Changkyun doesn't shake him off. "It's because I've been scared." And he sighs. There's more he needs to say, but it's difficult. The way Changkyun sleeps with Hoseok—it's not a relationship yet Minhyuk knows there's love there—but just because they love each other doesn't mean that Changkyun will understand the kind of love Minhyuk is trying to explain he needs. Changkyun is waiting patiently for him to speak. 

"There's a feeling, it's definitely love, that I've felt for years, that I'm searching for. The way I feel about you guys—my family, I know this already—but it's something I can't find elsewhere.”

"Have you tried?"

"It's just something I feel in my gut, instantly when I meet someone, I know what I feel. I know that no matter how long I spend with them it's not going to feel the same. It's not going to make me happy in the same way, and that scares me. I wonder more and more if the best years of my life are already behind me."

"You'll find someone if you want to," Changkyun says softly and he's being honest. He believes Minhyuk will find love one day. Someone who shines as brightly as Minhyuk does attracts everyone, and one day it'll be the right match. And then Minhyuk will be one step farther away from him.

But Minhyuk shakes his head. "No, I already know. We're nearly 40 and we've met more people in our lives than most people meet in a hundred lives. I could meet every person on the planet and I still wouldn't find what I need. I believe in destiny too, but I don't think it's out there."

"I don't understand..."

Minhyuk's head dips and Changkyun gets closer to comfort him. "Can you tell me what you felt?—what made you come on to me that night?" Minhyuk says, "—I can't get it out of my head. I don't know what to do." His eyes plead with Changkyun when he looks up again.

"I was drunk. I didn't mean to bother you so much."

"No," Minhyuk squeezes his hand, still clasped tight. "I know you meant it. I know you did and I'm ok with it now. So I need to ask you about it. I need to understand why you sleep with Hoseok." Minhyuk swallows past a knot in his throat. "You would sleep with more of us, wouldn't you?"

Changkyun is taken aback by this question. He's searching Minhyuk's eyes, unsure what to answer, unsure how much truth Minhyuk can handle. 

"It's not exclusive. It's just a thing we do sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could stop."

"But you don't want to stop?"

"I wish I could find someone who loves me as much as Hoseok."

"I love you the same," Minhyuk sighs. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, exactly." Changkyun's gaze drops to their entwined fingers. He caresses his thumb over Minhyuk's knuckles. There's something that they're both saying yet not saying, and it's probably the same thing.

"I'm scared I've found the people I love already," Minhyuk says after a while. "I've been scared about this for a long time."

"It's nice to be able to share it," Changkyun replies. And though it seems like a happy statement, his tone is melancholy.

"Why aren't you happy with Hoseok?"

"I am!" Changkyun's head pops up. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It keeps me from jumping off a cliff—I don't even know how to express it—I wouldn't be alive without someone like him."

Minhyuk is studying the tragedy inside his eyes. "But it's not enough? Incomplete? Something is holding you back. Tell me what."

"Minhyuk, you have to promise not to say a word if I tell you." 

Minhyuk grins suddenly.

"I'm serious!" Changkyun insists gravely. "None of the others, don't even tell Hoseok. Promise?"

"Promise," Minhyuk agrees, and though Changkyun thinks Minhyuk shouldn't be smiling for this kind of confession, maybe his chest will feel lighter if he finally says this to someone. Minhyuk deserves the truth.

"I liked the way we were," Changkyun says timidly. "When we all lived together and whenever I came home you assholes would jump on my head and annoy me. I—" he checks Minhyuk's gaze once more, to see if it's still safe to say this. "I fell in love with you—with our group. Seven, as we used to say. The way we were—the way we could be but aren't. But we grew up in the wrong direction." He sighs, "I know it's stupid. I know it's sick too—it's just this really deep feeling that keeps me alive. And the sex is just—"

"'Kyun," Minhyuk interrupts him. "What you said to me that night—"

"Of course I love you the same as Hoseok! I dream of it. I write songs about it and sometimes it makes me literally puke—I don't know what to do and I don't know how I ended up like this—"

Minhyuk shuts him up with a rushed kiss. "—I know what you want. I think I know, and it's ok." He kisses him again but Changkyun isn't opening up yet.

"Minhyuk, I got carried away. I know I'm not supposed to feel this way." 

"No." Minhyuk is firm. "No, I'm starting to think you might have it right. I feel crazy also. Just don't feel crazy with me—ok?" Another kiss. "Don't feel bad about this. I'm sorry I freaked out before." More kisses and this time Changkyun leans into it more.

Minhyuk deepens it, taking Changkyun by the nape to show he wants more.

"So, are you saying you want me?"

"I'm saying I want to try,” Minhyuk replies. His eyes are very clear. “I need to know if this is what I've been longing for." There’s a second that confirms they’re doing this—

Then Changkyun pushes forward, laying Minhyuk flat back on the bed and climbing into his lap as he keeps searching for Minhyuk's tongue to play with. It feels like a tidal-wave flowing into him.

Changkyun's kisses travel from his mouth, down Minhyuk's throat, hot and wet and somewhat rushed. "How far?" he needs to know, his voice ragged with lust already.

"I don't know but I'm ready, I think." Minhyuk is spreading himself out beneath Changkyun, trying to clear his mind of any grief. The way Changkyun kisses is heating him up—he didn't know he'd feel so good letting something like this happen between them, but he suddenly wants to murder the little voice in the back of his head that tells him he shouldn't be reacting this way to Changkyun. His heart is racing.

"Have you bottomed before?"

"I think I've had all the kinds of sex and it doesn't feel the way I need it to," Minhyuk chuckles.

"That's because it's not about the sex anyway." 

Changkyun's words shake something inside him, and Minhyuk pulls him back up to kiss again. He tugs at Changkyun's clothes and as Minhyuk strips the shirt off him, Changkyun loses balance and falls against him. Minhyuk just moans and drags his tongue deeper into Changkyun's mouth, needing to drink up more of those pleasured sounds Changkyun is making. 

Kissing is nice. Kissing Changkyun is nicer, and they spend a long time just making out. Getting used to being together this way. Minhyuk touches down his chest and notes that Changkyun must still be working out a fair bit because his muscles are firm, belly as flat as he's ever known it. He's thinner though, his natural toothpick limbs are back and Minhyuk thinks it makes him look delicate, as if Changkyun should be handled with care. It's opposite to how Minhyuk actually tugs at his body. When Changkyun's hips fall between Minhyuk's legs, Minhyuk grabs his ass and rocks up against him and Changkyun yelps. But he smiles too. 

"You like it," Minhyuk smirks.

"Take your clothes off," Changkyun dips his head to whisper into Minhyuk's ear. He sounds very affected, so Minhyuk blindly follows instructions. They've been naked before, just not with all their skin plastered together, and obviously not for many years. Changkyun shoves the covers around until they're both under the blankets and it gets steamy as they roll their hips gradually against each other and keep kissing. Minhyuk keeps running fingers through Changkyun's hair and touching down his spine and it's making Changkyun anxious and more aroused. Not like he can't feel Minhyuk's hard length against his own too.

The more he sucks at Minhyuk's mouth, the more he wants to taste another part of him too. He's thought about this before. Not often, but still, he's wondered at least once if Minhyuk's dick is big like his hands when he's aroused, and if he can choke on it, the way Minhyuk is vicious when he plays around strangling his members when they're all joking. He wants to gasp for air the same way. 

With a deep groan, Changkyun meanders down Minhyuk's body, retreating beneath the blankets so Minhyuk laughs for a moment. Changkyun licks his nipples and Minhyuk swats at him because it tickles. 

"You're not ticklish," Changkyun reminds him, and it only makes Minhyuk laugh more. But Changkyun's mission is serious. His kisses trail lower and Minhyuk quiets down.

With Changkyun's heated breaths and hands caressing between his thighs, Minhyuk's chest locks up, as he tries controlling the excitement in his veins. Or maybe he might puke. He's still not sure. His heart is somewhere in his airway. He reaches down to find Changkyun's head, and that's when Changkyun gives him a lick.

Holy fuck. Another lick, like a cat lapping up milk. Changkyun is taking it slow and Minhyuk thinks he might shove his head down if he doesn't move this along a bit faster. It's making him tremble. But he waits for it. Changkyun licks up the bead of precome at the tip, digging his tongue into the slit before he takes the head between his lips. 

"Fuck," Minhyuk moans out, as Changkyun keeps going. 

There's no way Changkyun can see what he's doing. He's going purely on feeling. Tongue plush against where Minhyuk is sensitive, it feels like being enveloped in a dream. Minhyuk's thighs spread wider on instinct, to allow Changkyun more room. His head tips back and his exhale is punched. Fuck, it feels incredible. Pleasure building inside him the more Changkyun's mouth takes him, lips taught around his shaft, tongue swirling around him like Minhyuk is candy, one hand below his lips to guide the movements he makes. The other hand grazes up Minhyuk's inner thigh, to his balls and lower between his legs and Minhyuk is completely pliant. Changkyun nudges him and Minhyuk's legs fall further open, until Changkyun's fingers are massaging along his taint and Minhyuk is at his mercy—but doesn't even care. Changkyun can do what he wants. Changkyun can do literally anything to him. Minhyuk's insides are coiling into a knot so tight he feels the tension climbing up his spine. 

Changkyun licks his fingers and brings them back down between Minhyuk's legs. Minhyuk just moans and ruts back against the digits to increase the pressure. There are no words exchanged when Changkyun's fingers push into Minhyuk. It's at the same pace as the way Changkyun is sucking him and it feels like his fingers belong inside Minhyuk's body. Minhyuk rolls his hips into it, fucking up into Changkyun's mouth and down against his fingers. The pads of two digits brush against his prostate and Minhyuk whimpers, head flopping from side to side to keep some semblance of restraint. But he's close. Changkyun probably knows it too. The way Minhyuk is breathing is choppy and erratic, and this only encourages Changkyun to take him harder. As he presses into Minhyuk, it lifts his pelvis towards Changkyun's mouth, shoving his dick down the younger's throat—oh god, he's taking him so far—how does Changkyun not have a gag reflex?!—He swallows around the head and Minhyuk swears aloud. 

"Fuck, too good," he whines. But after Changkyun takes a breath, he only does it again, harder next time. "Oh—oh—god." Minhyuk's hand rushes into Changkyun's hair. "I'm gonna—fuck, you want me to—I know you," Minhyuk gasps. The shape of Changkyun's lips when he swallows Minhyuk down next almost feels like a smile. That's so sexy, making arousal bubble up within him, soaring higher, sparking, prickling until he can't take it anymore and flows over the edge. 

Minhyuk's muscles contract and Changkyun pulls him through the waves, sucking until he's jittery, with his insides crawling and probably squeezing Changkyun's fingers to death. Small death, as the French say.

Opening his eyes to the land of the living after such a rush, is illuminating. Minhyuk's lungs are still running away but Changkyun rises from beneath the blankets and captures his lips in a wet and needy kiss and Minhyuk is breathless once more, moaning from his feeling in his heart that Changkyun has awakened. 

"That was—" Minhyuk puffs. He's trying to say it was incredible, but Changkyun won't let his mouth go. It's really hot how he can taste himself mixed up with the flavor he recognises as Changkyun, and it just melts him down into the pillows, as if they're on a cloud. 

Weightless. That's what they are. Changkyun's mouth is wet, with spit and come all down his chin, he's still panting. Minhyuk knows there were moments Changkyun didn't get enough air. All he knows is to kiss him back in gratitude. 

Fuck, that was sexy. Finally, he wipes Changkyun's mouth for him and the evil youngest smirks with achievement. "I was thinking about fucking you," he says smugly. "I nearly came against the mattress when you came—"

Minhyuk shuts him up with another kiss. "Don't be gross," Minhyuk tsks. Yet his hands reach down Changkyun's back to pull him tighter against his body, positioning so Minhyuk can finally touch him too. He wraps a hand around Changkyun's length and laps at his lips. "You did a good job, puppy."

It's an old nickname Changkyun hasn't heard in many years, but it brings back memories of them together, old happy times that make him smile. His eyes flutter shut as Minhyuk keeps stroking him. Head dipping a moment later, he comes into Minhyuk's fist, panting into the crook of his neck. Shuddering as completion courses through his body. 

When he slumps forward, Minhyuk's arms envelop him and Changkyun doesn't remember the rest. He must have fallen asleep then. And Minhyuk holds him until morning.

---

At the same time as Minhyuk and Changkyun were busy together, Hyunwoo and Kihyun have been out on the balcony above the porch, staring up at the stars together.

Their hands are linked again, leisurely caressing, sometimes playing between their fingers, and neither wants to point out that it's weird to behave intimately like this. But it's really calming.

Finally Hyunwoo breaks the silence. Voice still quiet, as if talking above a whisper might disturb the night. 

"I need to thank you for buying this house with me. It's because of you that I feel like my life is on the right path again."

Kihyun hums, taking a few minutes to reflect on Hyunwoo's words before he responds. 

"You're collecting the members," he points out thoughtfully. "You'll have a dorm again soon if you keep going."

"Don't get my hopes up," Hyunwoo chuckles.

"Is that really something you'd like?" Kihyun's tone is misleadingly steady as he questions. "I thought you'd try the family life again one day. Just because the first wife wasn't it doesn't mean someone who really loves you isn't somewhere out there."

Hyunwoo sighs. "You really love me. It's enough."

"Hyunwoo, no..."

"You don't?" Hyunwoo is smiling though, eyebrow raised as he glances at Kihyun and then back  up at the stars in wonder. 

"You know what I mean," Kihyun mumbles.

Hyunwoo just shrugs. "You're enough for me. The members are enough. Hyungwon has been busing tables and when I see him I can't help smiling. I think it's the small things in life that bring real happiness. I haven't felt like this in a long time."

Guilt churns up Kihyun's gut, because something about this isn't right. He's not supposed to feel relief when Hyunwoo says something that utterly misguided. Because they're not kids anymore. Even if a vacation to Jeju is their bliss, it's not somewhere you actually live. A part of him is shocked and sad, feeling almost betrayed that Hyunwoo would give up starting a family of his own, choosing instead the makeshift clubhouse of members they call "family". Yet that's what they are , tighter than any there's ever been, and because the other part of Kihyun never let go of their dream either—it's even why he still lives with Minhyuk! though he'll never admit it—this other part of him is selfishly happy. Elated even. He's not sure how to describe this feeling. He's a middle-aged man who still lives the dorm life with his best friend, but the codependence is what fulfills him, giving him the emotional satisfaction he can't get from anyone else. 

Kihyun always thought it was emotionally mature of Minhyuk to know their needs and discard the pretense that there was ever going to be someone out there that's a better match. But... Kihyun hasn't given up on his own system of dividing his life between physical and emotional needs. For him, it's always been like this, he resolved to live this way, and these two needs were never supposed to be met by the same person. So any suggestion that he should find his sexual gratification within their team makes his stomach turn horribly.

He needs to remind himself that's not what Hyunwoo is saying. It's not. It's not—can't be—and yet that's where Kihyun's mind takes him. He's staring down at their clasped hands and butterflies clog up his airway. It feels disgusting and immoral, yet the emotion inside him is so strong, he knows he can't let go. As much as it hurts to stay, it would hurt a million times more to let go. 

No, he's believed in this same dream for too long to ever let go. It's part of him.

Hyunwoo has pulled him closer, arm protectively slung across his shoulders to shelter Kihyun from the winter wind that's started whipping them about, and without thinking, Kihyun looks up into his eyes.

Hyunwoo, who is taller, meets his gaze from above, and it's something automatic when they bridge the few inches between them and their lips touch. Eyes fluttering closed.

It's very warm. Like the wind has stopped. The whole world is silent for that instant.

But then reality crashes into him so hard he feels every nerve recoil.

Springing back, Kihyun can't even look at Hyunwoo. 

He doesn't want to see the disappointment. He doesn't want to know what even made Hyunwoo lean in. He doesn't want to look inside himself either. He just runs.

They fucking kissed—

That's not part of the dream! That's just not part of it—never was supposed to be—Kihyun wants to yell his lungs out! His insides are burning, barely able to keep down his vomit.

And the only thing on his mind are Hyunwoo's words: 

You really love me. It's enough. 

---

Hoseok and Hyungwon have been cuddled in the livingroom together when Kihyun zips past and right out the front door.

Hyungwon chuckles, "Wonder what that's about."

But then Hyunwoo enters, looking flustered and worried in a way he so seldom is, searching around, obviously for where Kihyun went, and Hoseok tells him; "He ran out," nudging his chin towards the door. 

"Oh." Hyunwoo deflates. "Oh. I see." And the other two members understand that something must have happened between Hyunwoo and Kihyun.

Hanging his head, Hyunwoo turns to go back upstairs. 

Hoseok is about to rush after, to check on him, but Hyungwon holds him back.

"I think I know what that was about," he says quietly.

"Really?"

Hyungwon sighs. "You know I've been working with him. We've spent a lot of time together lately." Hoseok turns to him curiously. "There's something he said a few days ago that—honestly, left a heavy feeling inside me and I didn't have the heart to ask him what he meant."

"What did he say?" Hoseok questions.

"We were tidying up the kitchen at the restaurant after an easy shift, just us and some beers, and we got to talking about how we both suck at being married obviously. I said I don't think I'll make that mistake again, that thank-god I never had kids like Honey. And I expected him to say the opposite, that he would still want kids, like I always thought he wants, that he would try again to settle down and do things right. You know him and those traditional ideals. But Hyunwoo—he said he thinks he already feels married."

"Already feels married?" Hoseok repeats. "To who?"

Hyungwon nods. "I know. That's just it. I think it's about this house. He likes the idea of Honey moving in for real one day. He said he'd like to see the twins grow up and run down the shore laughing, building castles in the sand. He says we would bring out drinks from the house and everyone would gather 'round, and he'll retire here in perpetual happiness. You should hear the way he talks sometimes... it hits me in the gut so hard I have no idea what to reply."

Hoseok thinks for a moment. The way he felt when he first saw this house feels exactly like that and it makes him feel guilty suddenly. He swallows thickly and his mind conjures up images of kissing down Changkyun's neck and those pretty sighs the youngest makes when he feels good. Of the peace he feels when he gets to relieve their tension together. Hyunwoo's house in Jeju and the sex Hoseok has randomly had with Changkyun for years may seem unconnected, but Hoseok won't lie to himself. These things are connected. 

He sighs. This is a shitty start to the new year if these are the feelings he has to face. But he won't keep the worries to himself because obviously Hyungwon is concerned too. And who knows what will happen when Kihyun returns, and whatever his problems are.

Hyungwon's legs are thrown lazily over Hoseok's lap as they sit on the couch together, Hyungwon's elbows bent behind his head, and he seems deep in thought while staring at the ceiling, not currently meeting Hoseok's gaze. But Hoseok is studying him, wondering about the blurred lines between their relationships. He doesn't ask Changkyun how he feels and why it's ok for them to do what they do together but it's somehow not ok to do the same with the other members, but suddenly he wants to ask.

It's not a subject he's ever wanted to talk about. He wanted to just go about these things organically. But his hand pets up Hyungwon's shin, and he remembers how much closer they used to be when they were young. He remembers how in love he was with Hyungwon. How sometimes Hoseok's heart would skip in his chest from how beautiful Hyungwon is. Maybe it's weak of him to ask, but maybe it's also about time.

"Do you—um, do you ever wonder what it's like to kiss one of us—another of our team?"

Hyungwon frowns. "No."

Hoseok nods, but now Hyungwon's eyes are intent on him, trying to piece together why Hoseok would ask such a thing.

"Do you?" Hyungwon asks.

"I already know."

Hyungwon remembers then. "Oh, you mean you and 'Kyun?"

"Yes, but not just him. I meant, do you ever wonder? Has it ever even occurred to you that maybe the great love of your life isn't somewhere out there—but actually—"

"I don't believe in true love, Hoseok. You know that."

Hoseok gulps. "Well, I do. I believe in it."

Hyungwon studies him for several quiet moments but Hoseok won't meet his eyes anymore. "You're saying you think about it," he finally states, and Hoseok nods. Hyungwon shakes his head and thankfully it's fondly, almost chuckling. "You've always been a hopeless romantic, but that's a bit too much, you know."

"I know."

"You feel the way Hyunwoo does, don't you?" Hyungwon says perceptively. It's not really a question, and Hoseok nods again.

This leaves Hyungwon with several thoughts, the main regret being how much he feels he's missed out on. He can also see Hoseok is hurt, and probably doesn't want to explain further since he changes the subject.  

"How do you feel about your divorce?" Hoseok asks. "The media's been dragging your name through the dirt. You should put out a statement."

Hyungwon shrugs. "If it kills my career I honestly don't care." 

"So you're gonna work at Hyunwoo's restaurant as a busboy for the rest of your life?"

"It's been good so far. Honestly," Hyungwon grins, hoping to pick up Hoseok's mood.

"You're confusing the fans. They don't even know where you are."

But Hyungwon just laughs at this. "They'll find me soon enough. When the traffic at Hyunwoo's restaurant picks up, we'll know they have. And then I'll have finally managed to contribute something worthwhile for him, with which to return my gratitude. Until then, I could use a break."

The scornful expression he receives from Hoseok makes Hyunwon clarify however. "'Seok, I know I've been off in my own bubble, isolated, for years. That's not the kind of break I mean," he gestures to placate.

But the way Hyungwon keeps brushing everything off is pissing Hoseok off, driving up his need to get answers, and he just snaps. "You left," he accuses suddenly.

Hoseok instantly regrets saying it, but at least it gets through because Hyungwon's eyes narrow at him. "And you didn't. I still can't believe you stayed at Starship," he throws back.

"I'm not alone anymore," Hoseok tries to lessen the blow, since he can see he's hurt Hyungwon in return.

"Were you seriously waiting for us to return? You know that's insane."

Yeah, exactly. And Hoseok can't refute it, so he flings his arms wide like a mad-person and agrees. "Love is insane."

Hyungwon shakes his head, the guilty weight on his chest feeling even heavier. "I feel like I've missed a lot," he repeats, because the way the members have been acting seems so different and Hyungwon thinks it must be his fault. That's the price of fame, they say, missing out on the most important moments. So now that he's back and trying to make up for lost time, no wonder he doesn't understand anything. 

"You didn't miss that much."

"No no, I have," Hyungwon insists, mostly angry at himself now. "I know I have, because I don't get why Hyunwoo has turned into a grandpa who wants to retire with Honey's kids. And I don't get why on Earth you stayed behind all these years—you could have gone anywhere, worldwide, you could have gone to—"

Hoseok's temper really flares from this though—Hyungwon is too negligent if he really doesn't understand—"You don't get why I stayed??" Hoseok grits out, pushing Hyungwon's legs away rudely, rounding on him. "I stayed so that you'd have a home to return to!"

He's said too much but Hyungwon doesn't realize, because he also rises, voice even louder. "So you didn't believe I could make it on my own?!"

"—No!" Hoseok interrupts, "And don't insult me by even suggesting such a thing!" He's glaring daggers, so hurt he's practically frothing at the mouth.

Hyungwon retreats. "Fine. That's not why. But everything has changed since I left."

Hoseok scoffs, turning away. "Nothing changed for me," he says. "Maybe that's what you don't understand."

And then Hyungwon is left alone with a burning face that feels like he's been slapped.

Wait—Hyungwon's brain catches up a few minutes later, as he shakes the fogginess away. That's not how this conversation ends—"'Seok!" he yells and then runs up after Hoseok.

But he doesn't make it even halfway up the stairs before Hoseok is pushing him back into the livingroom. Hyungwon can see he's clearly still livid. "Keep your voice down," Hoseok hisses. "Honey and the kids are asleep!"

"'Seok, come on, be real. You can't possibly be saying what I think you're saying."

"And what do you think I'm saying?" Hoseok's hands land poised on his hips, waiting.

"You think the group is all gonna come back together or something? So you waited a million years like a damsel in distress for everyone to return and live happily ever after?"

"I'm sure I've done stupider things in my life."

"But that's not even it, is it?" Hyungwon steps closer, his voice becoming more gentle. "'Seok. What you said, about if I've ever thought about—the stuff you do with Changkyunie..." Hoseok nods. "Love makes you do stupid things, doesn't it?"

Hoseok nods, and turns his gaze away. Hyungwon pulls his face back. Maybe he understands after all. Maybe it's more interesting than he previously thought.

"You're a really hopeless sap," Hyungwon tells him softly, smile tugging up the ends of his lips as he holds Hoseok's chin and studies his eyes. "You always have been." They're very close now.

"All in vain. You don't think of me the same way." 

"You're in love with me," Hyungwon smirks. "You think I don't know?"

"You're dumb enough to leave," Hoseok counters with a shrug, trying to tease again. "I don't know what you know and don't know."

Hyungwon pulls him unexpectedly closer, to whisper, "I know that you want to kiss me."

"N-no," Hoseok stutters, suddenly sensing danger. "I just asked what you think about it—within our group." He tries putting more distance between their bodies, trying to shake the nerves away.

"—Shut up," Hyungwon laughs, mouth coming so close Hoseok can feel the heat between them—"Like there's any difference." And easily like Hoseok never imagined, Hyungwon leans in to capture a sweet kiss that leaves Hoseok feeling dazed. 

Smiling as he pulls away, Hyungwon says, "Consider that a New Years type of thing, yeah?"

His hand claps Hoseok on the shoulder, reassuring like old friends, as if nothing just happened. Meanwhile Hoseok is spinning—no idea how Hyungwon takes all of this so easily.

---

On the morning of January first, there's six of them in the kitchen when Kihyun comes home, looking like his tail is between his legs.

"And a happy new year to you too," Minhyuk says to him with a chuckle. "They told me you ran away last night."

Hyunwoo is in a corner with his head down when Kihyun spots him. "I just took a walk."

Nobody bothers to point out how ridiculously whitewashed that statement is, not when Kihyun has that guilty expression on his face, but Hoseok pipes up. "Hope you were safe. Where'd you go?"

"Where do you think I went in the middle of winter?" Kihyun eyerolls. "To the restaurant." His eyes remain on Hyunwoo and when nobody says anything further, Kihyun calls to him. "Come, let's talk," he says with a sigh, and nudges his chin towards the hallway. Hyunwoo follows him out of the crowd.

Like Kihyun always knew, it hurt too much to let go. So he can't. He can never leave. Not even now, when the knowledge of what's been building between them seems a little more clear and much more scary than Kihyun anticipated. Dare he say, unwelcome. 

He explains to Hyunwoo as best he can that despite being caught in the moment and the kiss feeling nice, what happened between them can never happen again because it was a mistake.

Hyunwoo listens patiently and nods his head in agreement. But he becomes even more confused when Kihyun leaves him with a gentle, lingering touch down Hyunwoo's cheek, which makes his insides blossom with butterflies.

---

As for the aftermath of Minhyuk and Changkyun's heated moment on New Years, Changkyun declares as soon as they woke up, "You can tell the others we slept together, but don't tell them why. I'm not interested in explaining my darkest fears again."

Either way, they get dressed before anyone can find them in such a compromising situation.

In the same way that Kihyun is sure he knows his own future, Minhyuk does too now. He confirmed that it felt right being together the way they had. It also feels like a lump of coal to swallow such knowledge—that he was right and all his fears are realized, because that was everything he's been searching for. It would be futile to keep searching for a partner outside of these people he loves this much. Who love him in return.

So Minhyuk sighs. This is his fate, he supposes. It's just something he'll have to keep locked in his heart. 

---

<<Early 2031>>

The song that Changkyun writes for Minhyuk gets released almost immediately after they finish it, thanks to Hoseok's expediency. Despite there being no music video, it charts well, yet Kihyun is being a dick and keeps teasing Minhyuk that it still didn't chart as well as Kihyun's had.

Minhyuk narrows his eyes and shoots back that if they all had more material, then everything would automatically do better due to visibility. So maybe Kihyun should stop being on a perpetual vacation these days. The comment seems to hit Kihyun squarely in the competitive spirit, so that when Hoseok asks one of them to come vocal coach the new trainees, Minhyuk and Kihyun practically fight for the position. 

Kihyun wins and comes home from the first session with his chest held so high, he boasts that maybe he should give Minhyuk some lessons as well. Minhyuk nearly murders him in response.

He defends by asking Kihyun what happened on New Years with Hyunwoo, as if such a question is a good foil, yet doesn't expect Kihyun to back down off his pulpit so fast. Having been caught off guard, Kihyun tries to deflect at first, but Minhyuk keeps insisting on some kind of answer.

"Shut up for a moment and I'll tell you!" Kihyun barks back at him. "God, you're so annoying."

"Yeah, but that's why you love me," Minhyuk smirks. They've lived together for so long, these types of insults are basically a show of affection. 

Kihyun plonks down on the couch and sighs. "I don't know whether it's a big deal or not a big deal at all and maybe I should just get past this and stop thinking about it," he starts, and Minhyuk settles at his side curiously. "We had a little moment—and I mean, really small—where I looked at him and he looked at me and we kissed. Barely more than a peck. I overreacted when I ran out, I think."

"Ah," Minhyuk says. "I see." He leans in and gives Kihyun a kiss on the lips, trying to reenact Kihyun's moment with Hyunwoo. It's short and sweet, and Minhyuk smiles when he pulls away. "Was it like that?"

Kihyun seems less perturbed to be kissed by Minhyuk. He just scoffs and scrubs his mouth with the back of his hand. "Don't be weird, please," he sighs. "I've had enough lately."

But Minhyuk snuggles closer to him, pushing his nose under Kihyun's jaw. "You liiike it," he sing-songs childishly. "You've been thinking about ittt~"

"What have I been thinking about, huh?" Kihyun groans, pushing Minhyuk's head away. "If you're so smart, go ahead and tell me."

"Well," Minhyun says, more quietly but nowhere farther from Kihyun's personal space, "I might be thinking about something similar." He starts petting over Kihyun's belly. "I think it's a scary feeling. Probably makes your stomach sink and your heart flutter, and you feel kind of helpless." His gaze peeks up to see Kihyun, who is listening carefully. "But I also know it's kind of amazing when you open yourself to it."

"What are you talking about?"

"About how I don't feel like searching idiotically for random people when I already have the people I love right in front of me. And it feels really nice to let it happen."

Kihyun shifts away from him slightly. "Let what happen?"

"You know, just sometimes, the way Hoseok and Changkyun have additional—benefits," Minhyuk says. "I've been thinking of sleeping with Changkyun again."

Kihyun literally jumps—"Again??"

"Yeah," Minhyuk replies dreamily. "It was nice. Maybe there's nothing to be scared about. I don't know. I'm trying to work it out too."

"Y-you slept with Changkyun—for real?"

Minhyuk shrugs. "New Years was an eventful night."

Kihyun is staring at him wide-eyed. He doesn't say anything for a long time and Minhyuk watches him in return, his gaze becoming softer and settling on Kihyun's lips. And then he moves in like slow-motion, hand curling leisurely around his nape, so Kihyun could have pushed him away easily, but he doesn't. He closes his eyes and lets Minhyuk kiss him. 

There's definite butterflies squirming inside him as Minhyuk cradles his head and molds their mouths together. Kihyun still feels an instinct to pull away, but the moment is really calm, and it feels more natural to just go with it. He relaxes and kisses Minhyuk back, nipping at his lips to make Minhyuk smile, and leans in again, meeting over and over, until Kihyun is so swept away he barely realizes how long they've been kissing, because time also idles. Just softly, not even a make-out session. Just Minhyuk carding fingers gingerly through his hair, with warm breaths and a million shy smiles between them, only to have their lips meet yet again. As if they have all the time in the world.

"Are you still thinking about Hyunwoo?" Minhyuk asks, breath ghosting over Kihyun's mouth.

"Yeah. Except now I'm thinking about you too."

"Good," Minhyuk nods, and kisses him again. "I like that."

Kihyun's heart starts beating faster. He's looking Minhyuk in the eye and waits to be kissed again. It strikes him that he actually wants to be kissed, and then he doesn't wait, he surges up to capture Minhyuk's lips more hungrily, and moans into the kiss when their tongues meet—breathless suddenly. Mouths wider, more fervid, their kiss turns more intense.

Minhyuk pushes him backwards and Kihyun pulls him along, circling an arm around Minhyuk's shoulders and the other down his back, and then his own head tips back when Minhyuk trails his mouth down Kihyun's neck. "Fuck, I can't believe this," Kihyun whines, but Minhyuk just chuckles and continues on. 

When he reaches Kihyun's belly-button and pushes his shirt up higher, Kihyun squirms like he's shy and it's so unusual that Minhyuk asks, "What's so unbelievable?"

"You! This!" Kihyun huffs, and grabs the fabric of his shirt that Minhyuk is trying to push up to keep it where it is. 

"You don't want me to?"

"I just—I don't know." Kihyun's nose scrunches up.

Minhyuk licks into his navel regardless. "I think I knew a long time ago how I felt and I didn't want to believe it either." He kisses softly just a little lower. "I think it's not easy, so I understand—but," Minhyuk looks up to meet Kihyun's eyes, "I'm asking you—if you feel the same—try with me."

"I might throw up," Kihyun says seriously.

"Ok, but what's the other emotion?"

Kihyun bites his lip. 

"You don't want to say?"

Kihyun shakes his head.

No matter how uncharacteristically shy Kihyun is behaving, Minhyuk knows how to break him out of his shell.

"Do you trust me?"

"No," Kihyun smirks.

"No?"

"Ugh!—Yes, fine—Yes of course!" Kihyun backtracks with an evil glare.

Minhyuk grins. Then taps Kihyun’s thigh, saying, “Up,” so Kihyun stands. He tugs on Kihyun’s pants. “Off,” he says, and though Kihyun looks apprehensive, Minhyuk keeps smiling. Kihyun’s shirt comes off too, and since Minhyuk is sitting while Kihyun is standing, when Minhyuk pulls Kihyun closer, his mouth reaches to Kihyun’s abs again, nuzzling into him and looking up.

He runs his hands up Kihyun’s thighs, and peppers kisses lower, to the top of Kihyun’s underwear, his last article of clothing. Here, Minhyuk presses against his dick, massaging his balls up and mouthing against the head through Kihyun’s underwear—clearly trying to make him harder. Kihyun shudders from it, “Shit, Minhyuk, are you serious?”

“Very serious,” Minhyuk replies, taking a lick at the fabric. “I wanna do dirty stuff to you. You’ll like it.” He’s really insistent on it too, loving how he can make Kihyun flustered, knowing they haven’t even started yet. “I think you know what I want,” he breathes hot and tantalizing against Kihyun’s underwear, until Kihyun can’t stand it anymore and grabs his jaw to force him away—

For a moment Minhyuk thinks he’s really being pushed away, but in the next moment, Kihyun has his dick out, fisting himself to full hardness and shoving towards Minhyuk’s mouth. Though he’s a bit stunned, Minhyuk opens and takes it, letting Kihyun’s erection in to the back of his throat; his eyes water and then flutter up to meet Kihyun, who looks ravenous. Minhyuk groans, pulling Kihyun closer by the thighs and guiding his hips, settling into the motions more comfortably so he can suck Kihyun properly. It’s been several years since he’s sucked dick, but Kihyun makes him delirious, it’s instant. Minhyuk is barely paying attention to his technique, all he wants is Kihyun to fuck his mouth, so it’s sloppy and tight, and he nearly chokes several times, but he’s urging Kihyun to keep going. He doesn’t realize how close to finishing he’s brought Kihyun, until Kihyun finally whines, “Fuck—I’ll come—” and Minhyuk pops off. Not that he has much room, with his head bent over the seat of the couch and Kihyun above him, but then he’s breathing heavily and finally looking up at Kihyun’s eyes again.

“D-don’t want you to come yet,” Minhyuk tells him, breath ragged.

Kihyun still traces the head of his erection over Minhyuk’s shiny lips, taking a moment of his own to cool down. “Where’d you learn how to do this?”

“Not my first, but this is different. I feel different about you.” He licks meekly at Kihyun again, showing him how much he likes his body, traveling his hands up and down the back of Kihyun’s thighs. Then between Kihyun’s thighs and over his ass, fingers falling dangerously towards the center, making Kihyun buck. But Minhyuk holds him near, watching his face as he probes down the cleft of his ass, watching Kihyun’s breath stop in his chest as Minhyuk skims over his entrance. 

He kisses at the base of Kihyun’s dick softly, saying, “Breathe.”

“W-what are you doing?”

Minhyuk licks up his shaft to reassure him, then licks two of his own fingers much more lewdly, before leading those fingers back between Kihyun’s legs. Kihyun bucks again when Minhyuk touches him, unused to being stimulated this way. Minhyuk adds more spit, caressing him slowly until he can tell Kihyun can take it, or that he’s steady at least, before pressing in with one finger. Kihyun seizes up, but Minhyuk tongues at his erection again and pushes in further, slowly, in and out, and then ramping up to two fingers, which he curls to Kihyun’s prostate to get a real reaction out of him—not just Kihyun waiting and watching with wide eyes—but making Kihyun moan, whole body jerking. “Fuck,” he swears under his breath.

“You've never done this before?” Minhyuk asks lowly and Kihyun bites his lip. Minhyuk massages the pads of his fingers in small circles, not forcefully inside him, but it makes Kihyun teeter in his grasp. Knees weak and his eyes fluttering, breathes becoming labored—no, he’s never been fingered before. 

“You should see how hot you look right now,” Minhyuk breathes against his skin, becoming more aroused just from Kihyun’s reactions. He fingers him more roughly, just a few times before stopping because Minhyuk knows they need more than spit to keep going—and Kihyun’s heart is clearly racing, he’s tremoring. It makes Minhyuk practically growl, “Want you in my lap so I can see you. Wanna fuck you slowly. Wanna see you take me in...”

Kihyun shakes his head defiantly, though clearly feeling good from how Minhyuk is handling him. “I’m straight,” he mumbles.

Minhyuk scoffs. “Like that has anything to do with this.” He lets Kihyun go, just long enough to grab some hand-cream off the nearest shelf, then lowers his pants and pulls Kihyun right on top of his erection, grinding up between Kihyun’s legs. Kihyun puts his weight on Minhyuk’s shoulders, fingers biting into his bones, new to these sensations. “You’ll like it, I promise, it feels good.”

With more lube between them, Kihyun is sliding right over the head of Minhyuk’s dick, teasing them both. He’s thinking about it—Minhyuk is clearly into him, and the more they rut together, the more he really loves how Minhyuk looks at him. He holds his breath when Minhyuk holds himself ready, so that if Kihyun wants, he can join their bodies.

“Do it,” Minhyuk tells him, flicking his tongue idly at Kihyun’s nipples.

Taking a deep breath, Kihyun relents. “O-ok. Ok, fine.” And though he’s still not sure, he lowers himself, letting Minhyuk breach him, naively thinking it will be easy—then immediently moans out, ”Oh—oh fuck,”—unused to the stretch. 

“Slow, baby,” Minhyuk murmurs and kisses his chest. “I’m here. Do it comfortably,” he encourages, hands steady on Kihyun’s body as Kihyun sinks further down his dick. It’s slippery but very tight. Kihyun’s not properly relaxed yet. His breathing picks up and it’s sexy as hell, but Minhyuk wants him to be more pliant. He helps him lift and lower himself slowly, one hand even coming between their legs to feel Kihyun’s rim. “Breathe, you’re tight. You feel amazing though, you know.”

Seeing Minhyuk smile helps Kihyun adjust. It has more to do with how it affects his heart, that makes Kihyun shudder yet want to keep going. When Minhyuk brushes over his prostate, he moans and rolls his hips to achieve it again. Kihyun can’t deny this feels good—it’s weird, and unexpected, and his heart beats more wildly every time his eyes meet Minhyuk's. The fact that he’s with Minhyuk is the most overwhelming part of this. He’s never had a lover watch him so adoringly—it’s that same emotion he saw in Hyunwoo’s eyes—maybe in a few other members’ too—fuck, he needs to look away. Trying to focus on the physical part of this, he drops down and thrusts up again and feels his insides tangle. His thighs are starting to burn from the effort. He can’t believe he’s having sex with Minhyuk—Minhyuk. 

He loves Minhyuk—but it’s not supposed to be this way—he was so sure, so sure—it wasn’t supposed to be like this between them, no matter how much Kihyun loves his group—Fuck. Kihyun buckles against Minhyuk, unable to keep up the pace.

“Slower, baby, don’t cry,” Minhyuk wipes his cheeks. He lets Kihyun catch his breath before holding him straighter in his lap, hands brushing up Kihyun’s sides and down his back. Kihyun still bounces up and drops down with obvious grief in his chest, but Minhyuk settles a hand against his abdomen, digits spread wide and palm pressing low to increase the tension of Kihyun’s movements. His other hand clutches Kihyun’s ass, and gropes up his laboring thighs in admiration. It forces Kihyun to go at Minhyuk’s pace—Minhyuk licks his lips, because Kihyun looks so incredibly good, pleasure nearly weeping from his pores. He pushes against him to extend Kihyun’s body, to show him taut and sweaty in all his glory—no hiding—Minhyuk loves everything about him, so he just blurts out—”Tell me you feel good, please. Need to know—you’re so good.”

“It’s really ok?” Kihyun gulps. He knows Minhyuk can see where they join in this position—he can see his own dick too, so hard despite being untouched. His heart lurches up into his throat again. 

“Tell me you feel good. I wanna fuck you harder—”

“—it’s tight, I’m not used to this—”

“I know, baby. Let go, I can feel you.”

“Minhyuk,” Kihyun huffs. His eyes are focused but dreamy somehow, and very dark. “Just—just fuck me, ok? No more talking.” He really doesn’t want to think about this situation right now otherwise he’ll back out, just wants to feel it. 

So Minhyuk kisses his face and tips him back, taking him in long thrusts that make Kihyun shake. Like he can feel the tremors in his lungs, heart feels like it’s beating in his throat, everything becomes muffled and intense and makes his spine arch. His insides coil tighter, building to something uncontrollable and then Minhyuk starts fisting his erection in time. Kihyun cries out, his spread thighs are aching yet he’s holding on—until he can’t anymore. It’s too unfamiliar, too deep, too concentrated, that when he comes, his whole body contracts—cresting, falling, burning, neverending—Minhyuk keeps fucking him through it. Wave after wave rocking him in ways he’s never felt before, but also, having Minhyuk with him—

Kihyun’s breath is shot when his eyes spring open, but he sees Minhyuk, and that sly smile of his and Kihyun swears he’s never felt more satisfied in his whole life.

He gulps. Minhyuk is still thick inside him. Grinning at him, obviously having enjoyed the show. 

And then Minhyuk pulls out of him and Kihyun recoils from the sensitivity. Minhyuk kisses him, straightening their bodies against each other, letting Kihyun’s legs rest, whispering to him, “Just keep touching me, and keep your eyes open.” He sounds on edge.

It doesn’t take Minhyuk more than a few strokes before he’s coming all up Kihyun’s abs, shuddering in Kihyun’s arms and panting against his mouth. And the way he looks flushed and happy in this moment, knowing it’s because they’re together, has Kihyun’s heart in knots. 

It feels like something that’s been missing between them is finally out in the open and Kihyun doesn’t know what to do about it. It’s something he needs to think about.

"You're not afraid?" he asks, and Minhyuk understands what he’s asking.

"I'm only afraid that this—you know, sex and stuff—only feels good with you." Minhyuk replies. His fingers swipe through Kihyun’s hair and his smile turns mellow. "It's different, isn't it?" And Kihyun nods. "Better, right?"

He doesn’t want to admit it—"You better not be looking for a compliment on your bedroom skills," Kihyun teases instead.

"You know I'm not." Minhyuk nudges him. And he flops back to stare at the ceiling. "It doesn't feel like this with anyone else." Kihyun knows it’s true, it didn’t feel like anything else he’s ever felt before. "I feel like—like it’s right to be with you. It just feels right."

Yeah—that’s exactly right, but Kihyun’s ego is fragile so he can’t outright agree. It hurts just hearing Minhyuk talk like this. "Well, I won't disagree,” Kihyun says, stomach flipping wildly as he tries to keep all his emotions to himself. “But let's not make this a habit."

Minhyuk pops up with a frown however. "Why not? You don't think we can?"

"You seriously want to do that again?" Kihyun asks. He can feel his cheeks burning, unused to talking so candidly about his feelings.

"I think I've been living with you for half my life and I don't want to keep hiding why. I just love you—you know, how Changkyun says, without a reason, there doesn't have to be a reason. I just don't want to hide anymore, or lie to myself. I love you, I love our family, and I can't do anything about that."

Kihyun scrunches up his nose. "I'll think about it."

"So, friends with benefits?" Minhyuk gibes smartly.

"I said I'll think about it!" Kihyun smacks him harshly. He really needs to get away.

---

Hoseok is really a lovesick fool, who can’t stop his heart from jumping when he sees Hyungwon standing in his office. 

“So you took this office,” Hyungwon comments jovially as he looks around, peeking into drawers and behind curtains. “Good view.”

It’s the first time Hyungwon has come to visit the Starship building since he signed his actor contract. Hoseok knows he’s here for more than just to admire the executive-worthy cityscape out Hoseok’s window, but he still can’t summon the strength to be more professional right now.

Movie-star Hyungwon looks like a vision and it takes Hyungwon’s quirked eyebrow teasing him before Hoseok can wipe the gawking expression off his face.

“Do you want to see the studio I’m using lately?” Hoseok says, clearing his throat; since he thinks a little more privacy might be a good thing. Staff don’t come searching for him when they know he’s composing.

Yet despite Hoseok’s studio having dimmer lights, which should be calming, the atmosphere between them is still heavy here. Hyungwon is like a shadow, and Hoseok knows he must have many thoughts these days. The media has been hounding Hyungwon since the high-profile divorce story went public. It seems Hyungwon’s even taken a break from Hyunwoo’s restaurant.

Hyungwon continues snooping around, not saying anything for the longest time. Until Hoseok finally breaks the silence.

“You’re growing your hair out,” he comments, and Hyungwon’s eyes settle on him.

“Always wanted to.”

“And you’re finally doing it.”

“Nothing to stop me,” Hyungwon shrugs. And Hoseok nods. He thinks they’ll fall into silence again, but then Hyungwon continues. “Honey asked me recently if I’m happy,” he says, smile turning soft in reminiscence. “And I—well, I was thinking about that talk we had, and I wanted to ask you something too.” Hyungwon’s gaze is very honest. “Are you happy, Hoseok?”

Hoseok’s head tilts. That’s an odd question, he thinks. Odd for Hyungwon to come all the way here to ask that, but he does know Jooheon’s penchant for catching them all off-guard with those kind of innocently profound questions. So Hoseok thinks, and then replies—“I became happy after the two young ones moved back.”

He feels embarrassed to answer such a thing—it sounds a bit desperate—but Hyungwon smiles more warmly and comes closer.

“You know, I think I could live here forever also.”

Hoseok doesn’t bother to question Hyungwon’s cryptic words. It’s enough that he’s obviously seeking out Hoseok’s company, as Hoseok shows him the ropes of how the business runs these days, and reconnecting with Jooheon and Changkyun as well. When Hyungwon isn’t at Hoseok’s apartment, he stays at Minhyuk and Kihyun’s, before Kihyun throws him back to Hoseok again—because Hyungwon is traveling with notoriously light baggage and keeps using all Kihyun’s stuff. Which is Kihyun’s eternal pet-peeve.

It takes nearly two weeks before Hoseok can’t stand what he perceives as sexual tension, before he snaps and pulls Hyungwon into a kiss. 

A second later, he can’t believe he did that, and he’s about to apologize, except that Hyungwon starts laughing. It makes Hoseok even more flustered, fingers reaching up to his lips, shaking. He has no idea when he got so weak but he can't help taking a step closer. 

“Kiss me again,” he says, nearly about to puke from nerves. But Hyungwon just holds him, watching his eyes carefully.

He feels up Hoseok’s impressive biceps like old times, and then up Hoseok’s belly—though Hoseok’s abs aren’t nearly what they used to be. Compared to Hyungwon who has been upkeeping his image and looks timelessly gorgeous. He seems to be thinking.

"Y-you don't feel anything here?" Hoseok asks.

"I do," Hyungwon replies softly. "Don't worry." He pecks Hoseok on the cheek, before saying, "That's why I said I could happily live here forever." Then pulls Hoseok closer, arms wrapping around him securely and Hoseok’s head cradles into Hyungwon’s chest. He feels Hyungwon, so close—and maybe this is enough, he tries to quiet his stampeding heart. "You'll have to tell me how you think about the others one day. You have me curious," Hyungwon says to him as he cards through Hoseok's hair. 

Hoseok nods. He knows Hyungwon is here with him again, and whether anything more will ever happen between them doesn’t matter as much as the fact that Hyungwon is back home.

---

<<Mid 2031>>

Hyungwon’s return from Seoul is followed by lazy days in the sun with Hyunwoo. Or leisure work at the restaurant. They had a few visits from other members on various weekends as well. Either way, it’s a good summer. The best summer Hyungwon has had since they were all together as seven. He’s been reminiscing a lot about old times, and about the sacrifices they all made for their careers, and wonders if it was really worth it. 

Sex with his ex-wife was great. The explosive type that’s raw with passion—but usually that passion was born of anger. Something he couldn’t bottle up anymore and exploded violently between them. Maybe that’s what made it good. But Hyungwon has always been a calm person, and in retrospect, he doesn’t think that type of excitement suits him. He’s teetering on the verge of saying he regrets it, but then he thinks, maybe they all made mistakes which took them farther away from each other, but which now help them appreciate how great they really had it back then—when the seven would come home to their cramped dorm, exhausted and overworked, and yet they were together and that’s what made it good. Sometimes they’d fall down on the couch in a pile and fall right asleep, regardless of whose elbow was pressing into whose cranny. 

There was a lot of skinship between the members. But what Hyungwon didn’t used to see back then is some of the stuff he saw between Minhyuk and Kihyun while he stayed with them earlier this year. 

Kihyun busy in the kitchen, with Minhyuk pressed against his back, being a nuisance and kissing up his neck sensually. Or the way Minhyuk’s hand would land on Kihyun’s ass, feeling him right down the crack and Kihyun would just blush. They were so obviously aroused by each other. Sometimes even the stuff they said, made it clear to Hyungwon that they were sleeping together, and he wonders how long it’s been going on. He knew about Hoseok and Changkyun, but those two have acted so indifferent with each other outside the bedroom that Hyungwon didn’t know it was even happening for the longest time.

Or maybe this is another symptom of Hyungwon having been away for so many years. 

It feels good reconnecting. They’re all getting closer again, and it’s undeniably entertaining to watch Minhyuk openly flirting with their members, but he doesn’t understand where all this is heading. 

“Did you know that Minhyuk and Kihyun are sleeping together these days?” Hyungwon asks Hyunwoo one day. 

And Hyunwoo completely freezes up. He bites his lip and nearly drops what he's holding and Hyungwon can see his hands trembling. It takes a while until he finally gulps down whatever he's feeling and says timidly, "Oh. Oh, I see."

Hyungwon frowns. He didn't expect such a strong reaction. "Well, now you're really gonna have to tell me what that was about."

"How, um—how do you know?" Hyunwoo asks, and Hyungwon thinks he looks... interested. Still shy and apprehensive, but weirdly interested. The way he knows Hyunwoo can be, though he's never overt about it.

"Just the way they were acting around each other. I'm guessing you know about Hoseok and Changkyun?"

Hyunwoo nods. "I'm—I'm glad they're getting along well," he says. But when Hyungwon's eyebrows peak all the way to his hairline, Hyunwoo's facade seems to crumble and he admits, "The thing is, I uh—I kissed Kihyun on New Years."

Interesting. Hyungwon has no idea what else to think. "And?"

"I guess I don't know. I just remember my heart going so crazy in my chest I thought I was going to choke." His head dips as he says, "I liked the feeling. It felt like I was finally alive. Not living in a box and following directions. Except then he said it was a mistake." He sighs, then looks up at Hyungwon because Hyungwon isn't saying anything, just staring. "Are you making fun of me?"

Hyungwon shakes his head. "I'm not."

"I guess he doesn't think it's a mistake anymore. So I'm happy for him." But Hyunwoo's heart is still squirming for some reason.

Hyunwoo has always followed rules well, but when it comes to feelings—something he is notoriously bad at understanding and expressing—his friends have always told him to follow his heart. So when Hyungwon continues their conversation by asking Hyunwoo what he wants—does he want that kind of relationship too?—Hyunwoo knows he needs further advice. 

"I kissed Kihyun because it just felt right, in that moment. It was just a moment," he defends. It's not like he'd been thinking about it. So what is he supposed to do about it now that Hyungwon is basically forcing him to think about it?

Hyungwon's standing awfully close to him, Hyunwoo notices then. Apparently waiting. Maybe for Hyunwoo to entertain him with more details, but that's not what captures Hyunwoo's attention. At this proximity, Hyunwoo's mind flickers with an idea—he leans in and kisses Hyungwon's cheek. 

He has no idea why he just did that. His ears flame up from embarrassment. Thankfully Hyungwon just slings an arm around his shoulder and chuckles.

"Caught in the moment, eh?"

Hyunwoo nods. 

His chin gets pulled so he's staring Hyungwon in the eye. "How about this moment?" Hyungwon asks softly. 

And Hyunwoo doesn't know what he's doing, but he leans in, connecting their lips in such a rush, as if his life depends on it. He keeps kissing Hyungwon, joining their mouths over and over, always with the thought that Hyungwon must pull away eventually, so he should kiss him while he has the chance. He can feel the smile edging up his lips, yet Hyungwon isn't pulling away. And when he realizes this, it's too late. Hyungwon's pushed him against the kitchen counter, Hyunwoo's heart hammering in his chest, as Hyungwon's mouth travels down his throat, making his breaths catch. Is this what Hyungwon thinks they should do? 

Hyungwon keeps pushing so Hyunwoo is forced to hop up on the counter and it's a bit strange to be in this position—when Hyunwoo pulls Hyungwon back into a kiss, he circles his legs around him too. He's not sure what kind of control he still has over this situation. He's never done anything like this before, not even close, and Hyungwon only gets closer, touching him more, hands brushing up under Hyunwoo's shirt and it's all—hot and making him aroused. Fuck—Hyungwon's pressing against his dick and Hyunwoo whines. 

"What do you want?" Hyungwon asks hurriedly.

"Um—I don't know—I don't—"

He's interrupted by Hyungwon pulling off his pants, underwear too, so Hyunwoo's bottom is left nude and nearly falling off the edge, but Hyungwon catches him. He's got a big grin on his face and Hyunwoo has no idea what it means but he's glad Hyungwon is happy, he supposes. He swallows down his anxiety, and kisses him again. He knows he wants to kiss Hyungwon, at least. 

Hyungwon does the rest for him, taking his dick in hand and fisting him to hardness, until Hyunwoo is panting into his mouth, feeling overwhelmed, and Hyungwon is still smiling devilishly at him.

He knows he's way too far along for how little he's been touched, but he can't help it. "It's been a while," Hyunwoo explains shyly.

"I know. Me too," Hyungwon says, and drops his pants so he can take both of them in one hand.

"Shit," Hyunwoo moans when he feels their skin together, and how hard Hyungwon is too. Is that because of him? The thought makes his heart choke up. He's watching Hyungwon's concentration, the desire he sees there, and it's scary—he can't deny that part—but he also likes it. It stirs like fire in his veins. It's the same thing he felt with Kihyun—like he's about to take flight—and he wants more of it.

Adrenaline is what makes him fearless. If you asked Hyunwoo after this, what on Earth made him hand Hyungwon the cooking oil bottle and moan when both their fingers found their way up his ass, Hyunwoo would have no answer. Just—the moment. It feels good to lose control and feel something real between them. 

He lies back further, flush against the stainless-steel countertop of the restaurant kitchen, and breathes deep to take Hyungwon into his body. He's more turned on than relaxed, but he knows how to take fingers in. Fingers feel good and now he knows dick feels even better—so full he feels the strain against his rim, full like he'll never be empty again—full like it shoves his organs around because Hyungwon isn't small—but Hyungwon wants him and Hyunwoo wants to take it, so he bites a lip to keep in the moans threatening to spill out.

He takes it for as long as he can, until Hyunwoo can't hold his legs up and he's trembling; then he stands and bends over and his knees are weak, but it's not shameful. The side of his face is pressed against the table as Hyungwon pushes into him seamlessly, like Hyunwoo was meant for this. It's surprising, he didn't think it would feel like this. Like, whole—somehow.

Their pace is slow, because Hyunwoo's hand moving on himself is faster—but it's good. It really feels like something is building deeper in him, something which threatens to break each time Hyungwon rams into his prostate. It's better than when he's alone, or when he fucked his wife or any previous partner, and so, when he does come, he grabs Hyungwon's hand, to make sure he'll keep going, fucking him until Hyungwon finishes also. And Hyunwoo shivers through the oversensitivity.

When it's over and they're sitting on the floor together, sharing a beer in silence, Hyunwoo thinks he's not confused anymore.

He doesn't feel the weight of any kind of guilt or pressure like he thought he might. It just feels like for the first time in his life, he's free. He did something selfish, with someone he loves, and he has a feeling Hyungwon is ok with it too.

---

When Jooheon lets himself into Hoseok's studio, he doesn't expect to find Hoseok and Changkyun entangled in a passionate make-out session—with Changkyun's ass on the desk and Hoseok between his legs, rubbing over an obvious erection in his pants, so heated up that they pull apart much too late. Jooheon just stands there, gawking, before he shuts his mouth and looks away.

But he caught an eyeful, and even after the couple pull away from each other, he sees Changkyun discreetly adjust himself in his pants as he hops off the desk. The youngest's cheeks are red and Hoseok looks likewise flustered, but at least Hoseok is smiling. 

"What's up?" he greets Jooheon, as he straightens his clothes casually.

Jooheon's face has gone scarlet. "I—I just," he mumbles. He can't even remember what he needed Hoseok's advice for. Completely sidetracked. "I've never seen you two together before. Sorry, let me just breathe a second." 

Hoseok laughs, reaching for Jooheon to pull him closer. "You don't mind, do you?"

Jooheon shakes his head, but isn't meeting either of their eyes and a pregnant silence fills the air.

"You're a bit tense," Changkyun comments to Jooheon. "You've been wound up lately. When's the last time you got some?"

"P-pardon?" Jooheon is sure he'll puke with nerves. 

"Probably been a while," Hoseok chuckles. 

"So when's the last time you jerked off?" 

Jooheon's jaw kind of drops again—he can't remember ever being asked this before. Part of him wants to tell Changkyun to mind his own business but he doesn't have enough brain function for that, so he stumbles over an answer. 

"I-I guess I haven't in a while."

"Why not?"

"I-I've been busy with the kids—we had the latest tracks that were on my mind—I, um." He stops to take a breath, realizing how excited he is for no reason. "I prefer being with a partner more—s-someone I love."

And then he hangs his head because he probably wouldn't have blurted out something so candid if it wasn't for the shock of what he just witnessed. His heart is beating like it wants to escape his chest, and he misses the guilty look Hoseok gives Changkyun. As if they're lucky to have each other and that makes them somehow responsible for Jooheon being a busy single-dad. Changkyun also looks guilty for asking, because he was thinking with his dick when he opened his mouth. 

"Have you been thinking about her?" Changkyun asks more gently.

"Um," Jooheon ponders, "you know, actually no. I haven't thought about her in months. Is that bad?"

Changkyun grins. "Not at all."

"But that doesn't help the sexual frustration, does it?" Hoseok says, sidling up to Jooheon more suggestively than he's felt in a long time. Like the walls closing in, Jooheon can feel the sexual energy around him and it gets stuck in his throat.

"Not sexually f-frustrated," he tries to say, but Hoseok just chuckles at him. His hands wind around Jooheon's body. 

"Do you want to watch us? Would that help?" he whispers. 

Jooheon doesn't know who Hoseok thinks that's bloody supposed to help—Jooheon's insides feel like they should be outside. Changkyun crowds in too. 

"Don't say that, don't rush him," he tsks, but his grin is wicked and Jooheon knows that's not anything to extricate him from this situation. "He wants to kiss first. I know him, he's sappy, remember?"

Jooheon gulps. There it is. He's doomed. Changkyun kisses Hoseok softly in demonstration and Jooheon's mouth is watering—his head is blank and he's magnetically attracted. Observing at first, yet he can't even pull his eyes away. The couple in front of him keep kissing and Hoseok's hand is still slung around Jooheon's waist to maintain his inescapable front-row view. And then Changkyun's mouth is suddenly on his, tongue drawing out his own so Jooheon simply melts into it. His knees go weak. His mouth gets pulled into a kiss with Hoseok next, softer this time, teasing him. 

The way Jooheon's body reacts is automatic. It's so sensual kissing his members—they've pecked each other a few times over the years, but nothing like this—nothing like the passion tugging straight at his core.

Jooheon loves kisses more than anything else. He needs to know his partner loves him, otherwise it doesn't feel good. Otherwise it doesn't feel like anything. So this—this feels like everything, and it's flooding all up inside him so fast he can barely hold in his own desire.

He doesn't stop to ask if it's ok to be doing this, he doesn't stop them either—when Changkyun tugs Jooheon's shirt off and starts kissing down his chest, Hoseok still kissing Jooheon's mouth. "Fuck, 'Seok," Changkyun whines, "You wanna fuck him, don't you?"

Hoseok breaks to wink at Jooheon. "I think I should take it easy on him for the first round. Maybe he should fuck me instead," Hoseok says, speaking about Jooheon in third person, though he's speaking right against Jooheon's lips.

The randy way his members are behaving is making blood rush to his dick like nothing he's ever felt before. Jooheon can barely speak, "Y-you want me to—?"

Changkyun is already tugging Jooheon's pants off, nuzzling his erection before he even gets it out of Jooheon's underwear. 

"Definitely want you to," Hoseok nods, shimmying out of his own clothes while peppering Jooheon with continued kisses. 

Changkyun has freed Jooheon of his pants and while stroking him, keeps taking kitten-licks at the head where he's sensitive—and in the second Jooheon is distracted by Changkyun, Hoseok has managed to bend over and start fingering himself. 

"Shit, 'Seok," Jooheon exclaims, the new image in front of him nearly knocking him over. He exhales roughly, yet Changkyun chuckles. The youngest reaches for the lube and slaps Hoseok's hand away, choosing to finger him instead, while still licking seductively at Jooheon's dick. Never taking him fully into his mouth, just playing with him to wind Jooheon up—so that when Hoseok looks back over his shoulder at Jooheon, telling him with sultry eyes to fuck him, Jooheon nearly plows him into the computer screen on the first push in. 

Carnal instinct takes over. Jooheon can only see that place they connect, the way Hoseok's rim is pink and taught around his shaft, and the arch of his spine, the globes of his ass that Jooheon slaps his hips against—fuck—

Hoseok moans out, loud so evidence of his pleasure reverberates around the room, and braces himself better against the desk so he can take Jooheon's wanton thrusts. "Fuck baby," he moans under his breath, "You needed this, didn't you?"

Jooheon has no reply. He's trying to focus on finding a rhythm and not blowing his load in three seconds flat.

Meanwhile Changkyun has stripped to nude and his hands are both stroking up Hoseok's back, or through Jooheon's hair, or along his own dick. His smile is mischievous and Jooheon likes it, waiting for what naughty thing Changkyun will surely do next.

The youngest starts by petting Hoseok's face, asking him how it feels, asking him if Honey is fucking him well—making Hoseok beg for more. "Fuck—fuck," Hoseok swears at first, because of Jooheon's pace. But then when he understands Changkyun's intention, why Changkyun’s fingers pinch into his cheeks, he continues, "Fuck, I won't be able to stand if you do—"

So Changkyun pulls Hoseok away, right off Jooheon's dick like he owns him, gives his mouth a kiss and tells him to open wide. Over the arm of the couch, Hoseok bends over again and while Jooheon blinks through the blinding lust in his veins, Changkyun feeds Hoseok his dick. 

The elder moans out brokenly, taking it roughly a few times before his whines get louder. Takes a breath—"Honey, come here baby, keep fucking me," he cries and sucks Changkyun down again, eyes tearing up from how Changkyun is treating his mouth. 

When Jooheon enters him again, he's more gentle, not wanting to choke Hoseok if he impales him forward. But Changkyun smirks. 

"Fuck him harder. Pretty sure this is his dream come true." And Hoseok moans loudly again as if he's agreeing. Jooheon exhales, holding back his own whimper. It's all too sexy. 

His eyes lock onto Changkyun's. They're dark and burning into him and Jooheon wonders for a moment what these two have been doing all these years if the youngest is able to dominate the elder this way. But then Changkyun leans in and pecks Jooheon's lips. 

"Feels good?" he asks lowly. And Jooheon nods. "Make him ride you," Changkyun tells him, followed by a slap to Hoseok's thigh that makes Hoseok tremble. So they reposition, with Jooheon lying on the couch and Hoseok in his lap. 

Hoseok groans lewdly when he sits down on Jooheon's dick, body seizing up from the tremor that sparks up his spine, feeling raw yet in control again, he swears and drops down again. Then up and down, and over and over, so his thighs are doing the work and driving Jooheon out of his mind with pleasure. 

Changkyun cards through Jooheon's now sweaty hair. "You like this," he says with amusement. Always like a riddle, always something Jooheon can't deny. He's caught Jooheon licking his lips as he watches Hoseok's erection bounce before them, and he leans in to Jooheon's ear. "You want a taste too?"

Of course, if Jooheon was in his right mind, he'd decline sucking another man's dick—but in his current state, and considering the way Hoseok looks like a god riding him, and the fact that it's Changkyun's dick inching towards his face—with Changkyun's adoring and pleased smile when Jooheon parts his lips—makes Jooheon flick his tongue out for a taste.

"Good baby," Changkyun praises. And Jooheon licks him again, taking him between his lips this time because he likes Changkyun's eyes and he likes the praise. "Look so pretty, baby." So Jooheon opens wider, Changkyun's shaft sinking in slowly. Then out and Jooheon swirls his tongue around it. It's so silky, he's eager for more. "Pretty lips, pretty mouth," Changkyun tells him as he pushes into his mouth again, setting a comfortable rhythm. Nothing like how he'd defiled Hoseok's mouth. Probably knowing how Jooheon loves the soft praise—Jooheon swears it's gonna push him over the edge if they both keep fucking him this way. 

Changkyun reaches for Hoseok, starts stroking him along leisurely. His attention on how Hoseok looks close—Changkyun recognizes the signs, he asks, "You wanna come first?"

"Wanna get him off," Hoseok replies, somewhat choked up. His eyes meet Jooheon's, imploring him to come with their intensity. 

"I'm close," Jooheon breathes when Changkyun gives his mouth a small break. And when Jooheon falls over the edge, Changkyun takes pity on him and kisses him instead. Robbing him of air in a different way, swallowing down all Jooheon's helpless moans as Hoseok fucks him feverishly through his climax—tumbling along into his own so that the way Hoseok's body quakes around him only drags Jooheon further into the undertow. 

Changkyun is kissing his mouth so wetly, careless—actually, probably turned on by the fact that he's just had his dick in this hole—that when Jooheon finally draws his first proper breath, his lungs feel like they're burning. Fuck—chest heaving—fuck, the way that felt, and that sated and dopey expression on Hoseok's face so Jooheon knows he's deliriously happy. He's still sitting on Jooheon to the hilt, but as long as he doesn't move, they're both ok. 

Hoseok's gaze turns to Changkyun. "You need to come too. Mouth, hand, what do you want?"

Changkyun bites his lip more demurely, clearly considering his options and the two spent members before him. Jooheon's mouth is shockingly pink. Hoseok is flushed with sweat.

Then Changkyun decides. "Wanna see your mouth stuffed full like you promised me before Honey joined us." He pitches a foot onto the couch to get closer to Hoseok's lips and Hoseok sucks him down cleanly. Changkyun shivers. "Slower this time. Wanna see your eyes," he says, voice low and gentle so it even travels through Jooheon.

He watches the two of them, Hoseok sucking now slowly but expertly, and their eyes focused on each other. And how even when Hoseok's lips kiss Changkyun's pelvis, because he has him down his throat as far as possible, and his eyes are watering because he's filled to the brim from both holes—there's still so much love between them that it makes Jooheon speechless. 

He likes the emotion between them—he likes all this stuff they just did. It's so dirty—Jooheon isn't used to these positions and Changkyun's praise and dirty-talk but he loved it all. He's sure they love him the same. He'd seen that same look in their eyes when they looked at him and—he needs a moment to think. 

Changkyun finishes in Hoseok's mouth. Hoseok licks him spotless with a smile, and then they clean up everything else too. And finally Hoseok speaks up, because Jooheon has been quiet for some time.

He thinks he must have upset Jooheon in some way. "You just caught us at a bad time," Hoseok explains with a sigh.

"Or a good time," Changkyun interjects with a laugh. "Depends how you want to look at it."

"I was planning to fuck his brains out, so you caught us—well, you know how. Before it happened. I wanna say I'm sorry if we shocked you too much. Or if—actually, we definitely came on too strong. Maybe I shouldn't speak for both of us, but I know I shouldn't have—started this with you."

But Jooheon frowns. He doesn’t like that Hoseok is apologizing for what they just did. "Why not me?" His temper flares. "What's wrong with me?!"

"You mean why 'Kyunnie but not you?"

"Yeah!" 

Hoseok is a bit speechless. Never having imagined such a scenario. "I-I—never thought you'd want to. You're—you. You like what you said, monogamy and a partner and that kind of thing."

"I like being with someone I love, and I love you! And you." He looks between Hoseok and Changkyun.

"Honey," Changkyun says, carding a hand through his sweaty fringe to push it off his forehead. "I highly doubt you would have been into this if—you know, before—"

"How do you know?!" Jooheon defiantly crosses his arms. Changkyun is totally right but Jooheon thinks he's making a valid point regardless—he has no idea why he's jealous right now—Why didn't they ask to fuck him too?? They could have been swept up in this kind of lust years ago and then Jooheon would never have married, nothing would have gone downhill—but then he registers his own thoughts and deflates. Yeah... yeah, ok, that sounds preposterous. He doesn't regret his kids. He doesn't regret the career he and Changkyun built. 

But maybe he regrets not properly showing his members that he loves them... until now. He sighs. 

Jooheon still pouts as Hoseok pets his cheeks. "I want in,” Jooheon states. “I want in on your sex thing. From now on, ok?"

Hoseok raises his eyebrow for a moment, incredulous at the demand, but of course he'd never pass this up, and his face morphs into a sweet and caring and overjoyed grin. "You got it."

Changkyun nods. "Perfectly fine with me. But watch out because I'm not taking it easy on you next time," he smirks.

---

<<Late 2031>>

The more time that Minhyuk spends with Jooheon’s kids, the more he thinks about how he’s always wanted kids—but more than that, is how he feels about Jooheon. Because he’s not just attracted to Jooheon’s little rugrats, he’s attracted to Jooheon—and that dimpled smile of his when he comes home from the company, and he’ll spend the night on the couch while Minhyuk has the kids in their cots in Minhyuk’s room. And while he stares up at the ceiling before falling asleep, he thinks maybe tomorrow night he’ll tell Jooheon to just come sleep in his bed as well, so they can be together like a mini family unit. 

The other times, Jooheon doesn’t even come home. Sometimes he spends the whole night in the studio, but he’ll drop by in the morning to eat breakfast together, after Minhyuk has bathed his kids for him, and dressed them, and Kihyun has made food for all of them.

But Minhyuk loves this too. It’s a blissful little moment to see Jooheon’s tired but satisfied expression as he walks through the door after a busy night, knowing he’s doing well at work. Jooheon probably caught only a couple hours of sleep at his studio, but he’ll talk excitedly about the birth of a new melody or a song that he’s just finished and Minhyuk likes to see him smile. He likes to make sure that when Jooheon comes to him, he can put more smiles on his face by welcoming him with open arms.

And he wishes Jooheon will never stop walking in through that door, so that this feeling in Minhyuk’s chest could be permanent.

Today when Jooheon walks in, the twins are with him and they zip past their dad’s legs, straight towards Minhyuk. “Uncle Minmin!” they shout excitedly and Minhyuk greets them just as cheerfully, engulfing them in hugs. Jooheon has brought them back from a weekend at their grandparents but the twins obviously adore Minhyuk more.

Minhyuk chuckles. Two days away and he already missed Jooheon and the kids. He sighs though, because with this flutter in his chest, he knows he’ll need to tell Jooheon about his feelings. It’s only right.

They have a big dinner, Jooheon and Minhyuk and Kihyun, the twins, and for some reason Changkyun has decided to camp on their couch tonight. And so after everyone has found their sleeping place, Minhyuk calls Jooheon to his room.

“They’re asleep, don’t worry,” Minhyuk whispers with a nod to the toddlers sleeping soundly a few meters away. He gestures at Jooheon to come closer, to sit on the bed with him. Yet when he wants to say something—all he can do is touch Honey’s face, watch his eyes adoringly, and begin to strip the shirt off him. He thinks maybe this silence is ok too. Minhyuk wants to know what it feels like to have everything he’s ever wanted—at least once, before he possibly ruins the delicate balance they’ve built.

So he pulls Jooheon into his bed, and switches off the light; and just stares him in the eyes as they share a pillow and adjust to the dark.

“Are you ok?” Jooheon asks him, and Minhyuk gulps down his emotions.

“Yeah. Just happy. That’s all,” he whispers as he brushes through Jooheon’s fringe. It makes Jooheon smile at him and that’s all Minhyuk needs to fall asleep happy as well.

But this moment leaves an odd feeling in Jooheon’s chest. Because the way Minhyuk looks at him, and the way Minhyuk touches him sometimes makes him ache—it’s innocent and full of love, but considering what he shared with Hoseok and Changkyun recently, how it’s that same love he saw in their eyes—during the least innocent moment of Jooheon’s life. He can’t help but trace his fingers gently down Minhyuk’s cheek and wonder if the borders between different kinds of love are negligible. Because he’s been thinking about it lately and he doesn’t know how this can feel so right. 

He could kiss Minhyuk. He could lean in these few centimeters between them and just—

Minhyuk blinks his eyes open and it startles Jooheon. “Thought you were asleep.”

“I thought you were too,” Minhyuk smiles, but his expression softens when he sees that Jooheon seems melancholy. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”

“Nothing,” Jooheon says quietly. “Just you, and the kids. And how amazing you are with them. And how I’m really thankful because I couldn’t do it without you.” His cheeks flush pink.

“You know I love them,” Minhyuk replies—and then his heart jumps when he realizes, maybe this is the right moment. So he pulls Jooheon closer. Blanket bundled up to their shoulders, and so close now that he can feel Jooheon’s heated breaths. “But I need to tell you something too.”

Jooheon waits. His arms wrap around Minhyuk’s waist, and his gaze involuntarily drops to Minhyuk’s lips. He’s holding his breath.

Minhyuk inhales deeply, then jumps in.

“Honey... I’m in love with you. I always have been—” Minhyuk says, and he holds onto Jooheon tighter to make sure he’s listening and doesn’t run away. Minhyuk nearly trembles trying to get the words out. “And I love your kids as if they were my own—you know how I’ve always wanted kids, how much I love them. But that’s also why I realized—baby,” he swallows thickly with emotion, “I don’t need a wife. Because I have you and you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. Ok? Do you get what I’m saying?” 

Minhyuk’s dark eyes are imploring him and at first Jooheon isn’t sure what to reply. He’s still watching Minhyuk’s lips. “I—um,” Jooheon starts off shaky, because Minhyuk has said something profound. “I love you too. You know that...”

“Yeah, but I want to do this with you forever,” Minhyuk says, voice dropping lower so it shivers down Jooheon’s spine. 

They’re so close now that the only thing on Jooheon’s mind is how Minhyuk looks like he’s about to kiss him. His breath hitches, and Minhyuk draws closer still. “D-do what?”

“The family thing,” Minhyuk replies, right against his lips, and doesn’t wait anymore. He closes the last millimeter between them, kissing Jooheon in the soft way he’s wanted to for so long. If he’s honest with himself, he wanted to do this even back when they were trainees. But he’s surprised at how Jooheon kisses him back—sweetly but insistently, molding their mouths together in return, sighing softly when Minhyuk flicks out just a hint of tongue against his lips. He opens to invite Minhyuk to continue, letting Minhyuk inside, curling together with him more intimately than any previous kiss they’ve shared. 

And it’s slow like a coil that winds up Jooheon’s chest, twisting his heart up into his throat—until Jooheon pulls away because he recognises what this feeling is.

Just a little further because he’s startled himself. Just to catch his breath, and Minhyuk cards through his hair—Jooheon thinks he shouldn’t rush this. This is the same as with Hoseok and Changkyun, but also not the same. 

“Say yes. I wanna love you,” Minhyuk whispers to him. “Do you want it too?”

Jooheon stares at him—and yes, he wants to say yes—but because of the kids. Because it’s not just his life he’s pledging, he has to think about his kids, so he gulps, and takes a deep breath, and he kind of hates himself for not jumping directly into Minhyuk’s proposal. Minhyuk would love him so well—Minhyuk would fill all the holes in his heart and never let him go—he knows what Minhyuk’s gentle touches down his back mean. It’s the same boundless type of relationship they all have. But something that would be given a legal name this time.

“Minhyuk,” Jooheon sighs heavily. “The twins. You know, I have to think about them.” And he can see in Minhyuk’s expression that he understands already this isn’t a yes. “Let me think about it. I promise I’ll think about it.” And then he kisses Minhyuk again, because it feels incredible to love his lover and Minhyuk sighs so beautifully in his embrace. “I love you too. I love you and if it was just my heart, you’d have it. But I have to think about their future too.”

Minhyuk nods. Then he nuzzles comfortably into Jooheon’s shoulder and exhales. “Yeah, of course. Take your time. I’ll wait. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I know,” Jooheon settles, and with a kiss to Minhyuk’s hair, Jooheon tucks him closer to his body. 

As he drifts off to sleep, he hears Minhyuk murmur, “But it feels right... doesn’t it?”

---

Changkyun, who is a rational person and sometimes a frugal person too, decides that it’s a waste of money to have an apartment that he never uses. The feeling had crept between his legs and up his spine when he was sleeping in his studio one night. He had his hand down his pants and in a moment of enlightenment realized that he’d been sleeping on this couch, or in Hoseok’s bed, or at Minhyuk and Kihyun’s place, so much that in a whole month he hadn’t visited his own apartment even once. His rose plants have probably all wilted by now.

Well, that’s just illogical. And he doesn’t want to question why he’d rather spend time with his members rather than the apartment he fought so hard to buy independently. Because Changkyun values his solitary world and his personal space, and his apartment is exactly that.

It’s everything he wanted—except that it’s not.

Because he’s spent nearly the entire time he’s been wishing to live alone, also wishing to rid himself of the attraction he feels for his team and failing miserably. 

Though, he vows to never admit he’s in love. So when he puts his apartment up for rent and calls Hyunwoo asking for a bedroom in his Jeju house, he doesn’t explain why.

Hyunwoo is more than surprised by such a request, but after he stutters over his words, agrees. “Y-yeah, of course.” 

“When can I move in?”

“Whenever you want,” Hyunwoo’s happy but bewildered expression blinks at him through the FaceTime screen. 

“I’m gonna declare it as my permanent address, ok?”

“Yeah—yes, great, it’s great,” Hyunwoo stutters again. “Just—uh, why do you want to?”

“I just do,” Changkyun says.

And that’s what he tells Hyungwon too on the day when Changkyun moves into Hyunwoo’s house—”I just do.”

Hyungwon has been leaning on the doorframe, watching Changkyun unpack and questioning him with an amused smile on his lips.

“So you just decided one day, right out of the blue?”

“Yup,” Changkyun insists, deadpan, hoping to put an end to this discussion. 

The truth is that his epiphany of how little he used his own apartment came bundled with a plaguing cinch around his heart, that made him ache to be closer. Which Hyunwoo may be too thick to understand but Hyungwon probably isn’t. 

“Isn’t that a little pathetic?” 

Hyungwon is pushing his buttons intentionally—“Says the washed-up actor who’s hiding in Leader’s restaurant,” Changkyun replies smoothly.

“And I bring him customers,” Hyungwon chuckles, “What are you going to do?” And he doesn’t fail to miss that Changkyun had called Hyunwoo the leader, even after so long.

Hyungwon knows why Changkyun is here. He knows what emotion crawled so fiercely over the younger. And if he’s being honest, he feels a little bit the same: lonely. So he understands what Changkyun wants by moving here, and it’s genuine and deep in both their hearts. But Hyungwon won’t say it aloud if Changkyun isn’t willing to.

Walking closer, he touches gently along Changkyun’s spine where he’s bent over and intent on ignoring Hyungwon by digging through a box. He feels Changkyun shudder beneath his hand but the younger keeps his face down stubbornly. 

Hyungwon walks his fingers higher up his back, slowly, just as stubbornly, bringing a shiver that Changkyun can’t ignore. Until he swallows thickly and peeks up and Hyungwon swears those might be tears making his eyes look that way. He rises and Hyungwon pulls him into his arms, Changkyun’s face falling onto Hyungwon’s chest, where he exhales. His arms wrap weakly around Hyungwon’s waist, but they’re there and Hyungwon holds him. Placing a kiss to Changkyun’s hair too, Hyungwon breathes deeply. It ruffles Changkyun’s hair, and Changkyun seems to notice.

“Stop being a nuisance,” he scolds, but it’s not real. It’s what Hyungwon sees in his eyes that’s real. When Changkyun looks up, Hyungwon leans in and kisses his lips. Just for a moment to see how Changkyun will respond. And for a moment Changkyun does stare at him, contemplating, but then he kisses Hyungwon softly in return, opening himself up for Hyungwon to take more deeply. Changkyun sighs so dreamily between their mouths that it crawls into Hyungwon’s chest and he pushes Changkyun back onto the bed. He feels flushed with emotion suddenly. 

When he kisses Changkyun next, he runs his hands under his shirt too, and mouths down his jaw and inhales him here, where he can feel the way Changkyun’s blood rushes beneath his lips, the younger’s head falling back in pleasure. Letting Hyungwon have him. 

The things Hyungwon had learned from being with Hyunwoo are that there’s nothing to be afraid of. That they can share emotions even easier this way, if saying things aloud is too burdensome. That being with a man instead of a woman is only different if you’re focusing on the differences. But if you’re focused on the pleasure it provides, if you’re focused on connecting to someone you love—then what is there to fear?

Hyungwon ran away from his family and into a loveless marriage. And then he ran back, into the embrace of the people who love him. Because he learned this is where he wants to be.

Right here, with his tongue licking up Changkyun’s pampered skin, to hear those sighs of his when Hyungwon touches him well. He wants to discover more places that make Changkyun feel good. Pushing his shirt up to his armpits, he kisses up his abs and to his chest, and takes a nipple into his mouth. And it feels so soothing, Changkyun’s hand even comes up to cradle his head, as if they were infant and breast. Hyungwon closes his eyes and just sucks. Squeezing Changkyun’s body closer, he plays contentedly, feeling Changkyun’s breathy reactions he arouses with his mouth, and it only makes him want to do it more. To the other nipple too, he treats it with the same care, loving the way Changkyun arches beneath him.

His hands caress up Changkyun’s thighs, and Changkyun lets Hyungwon remove his bottoms. Changkyun’s dick springs free and Hyungwon thinks he almost knew what it would look like. It’s—pretty. And as he licks his lips unconsciously while staring between Changkyun’s legs, it seems Changkyun is watching him.

“Have you ever given a blowjob?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. He can’t help running his hands up Changkyun’s slender thighs—there’s just something really pretty about his body, something that’s mouthwatering and new, and makes Hyungwon kneel between Changkyun’s legs, to study him up close. 

“Do you want to try? Or I could do it to you?” Changkyun asks.

This makes Hyungwon smile. “Bet you’re real good at it, aren’t you?”

Changkyun shrugs but Hyungwon likes seeing the pink color on his cheeks. It strikes him that he also kind of likes the idea that Changkyun has gotten good at such a thing by practicing on their members. Why he likes this, he doesn’t know. Maybe the rebellious aspect of it. He leans in, nuzzling into Changkyun’s privates where his skin is like silk and can’t help taking a lick. The younger is waiting patiently for him to continue, his hands resting on Hyungwon’s head and shoulders and it feels like encouragement to take another lick. Changkyun twitches beneath his mouth and Hyungwon thinks it’s cute. How on Earth he could think Changkyun’s dick is cute, he doesn’t know, but Hyungwon has always been a sucker for cute things.

Literally. He sucks down the head next—just wanted to feel it between his lips. He holds it straight with one hand and takes the shaft further into his mouth next time—and it’s calming somehow. He knows he’s hard in his pants from doing this, but it’s also comforting to be able to taste this private part of Changkyun. His mind slows down and his pulse picks up. The way he felt when he lavished his nipples, he does the same to Changkyun’s erection. He doesn’t care that he’s sucking dick—it’s ok somehow. It feels good sliding down his tongue; a warm weight that fills his mouth. The softest skin in all the world—Hyungwon is simply not thinking. Time slips away.

There’s a rhythm to the way Changkyun’s hips rise up to meet Hyungwon’s mouth that’s comfortable. Hyungwon takes it and Changkyun doesn’t rush him to go faster. It’s probably not the right way to give a blowjob anyway.

It’s only when Changkyun’s grip on Hyungwon’s shoulder tightens to the point of pain, that Hyungwon realizes how swept away he’d gotten in the repetitive act.

“Will you fuck me?” Changkyun murmurs, and Hyungwon looks up to meet his gaze. He looks flushed and relaxed, and his legs spread wider. It’s like he’s spread on a cloud instead of asking for sex. “Get lube from somewhere... and come fuck me.” His eyes close after he says it, hand coming down to tug himself lazily. “So ready,” he sighs.

Through his surprise, Hyungwon manages to follow instructions. He’s in a similar daze.

The lube Hyungwon finds is a hand-cream that Changkyun tells him is too expensive, but in the next breath tells him to use it, as he licks his lips. He lifts his hips obediently when Hyungwon puts a pillow under his ass and grinds down against his fingers when Hyungwon spreads the slick between his legs. Hyungwon is about to push fingers into him when he gets stopped—Changkyun pulls him closer and Hyungwon probes the head of his dick against Changkyun’s entrance instead. Which Changkyun nods for.

“Put it in,” he says breathily. He sounds off in his own world of pleasure already. So Hyungwon tries it, sinks in slowly and watches Changkyun’s rim stretch to take him—past the head, Changkyun moans luxuriously, eyes rolling back as if in pain, column of neck on display, but he’s licking his lips and Hyungwon knows that’s not it. Changkyun has his hand and he’s guiding Hyungwon further into a sumptuous, plush, velvet heat—fuck—he falls forward to kiss Changkyun—

“You feel—holy fuck,” Hyungwon breathes between their mouths.

Changkyun trembles in his grasp and begs, “M-more...” His voice is a slither down Hyungwon’s spine—it’s so tight between them, but they’re moving slowly, so Hyungwon settles into him to the hilt finally. When their hips meet, Changkyun loves it. There’s a hint of smile on his lips as he rolls up against Hyungwon’s body, to fuck against him so deep. Won’t let Hyungwon go, just keeps him close, rocking so Hyungwon brushes right against his prostate. His teeth bite into his bottom lip as Hyungwon watches him ascend further into bliss. He licks at Changkyun’s lips regardless and Changkyun moans, clasping Hyungwon’s hand vice-like, dragging him so he’ll keep fucking him with this torturous pace.

Hyungwon’s never known anyone like Changkyun who enjoys his own destruction. He basks in it like glory—enjoys being taken apart. Piece by piece. Stroke by stroke. Hyungwon licks up his throat and fucks him with so little space between them that Changkyun’s erection is trapped between their abs. It makes the younger whine when he gets higher, when Hyungwon starts snapping his hips into the motions more—begging and nodding. Until he’s coming between their bodies and his breaths bubble up with tears and gasps and Hyungwon kisses him again. And lastly, he fucks him hardest to tip into his own orgasm—as the younger holds him panting against his mouth to swallow up all Hyungwon’s breaths. Until Hyungwon barely knows his own name but knows this is heaven.

In the afterglow, they’re staring at the ceiling and holding hands in silence.

It’s a rather slow weekend now that Hyungwon understands the youngest better. He spends a lot of time observing him. They work out together like old times, they walk along the beach together, and Hyungwon doesn’t push him to talk. He doesn’t want to intrude upon Changkyun’s solitary world. But Changkyun is soft with him in return, even if he’s mostly silent, and that’s enough.

---

There’s one thing Changkyun does say however, which Hyunwoo happens to overhear—Changkyun calling Hyunwoo “leader”. Which is an odd thing to hear after so long, and it makes Hyunwoo’s heart absolutely swell with pride and love and dedication—so strong he has to steady himself because his knees go weak from impact—something unexplainable considering Monsta X haven’t been an active group for nearly a decade.

---

The night before Changkyun leaves for the city again, he’s sleeping in Hyungwon’s arms when Hyungwon receives a phonecall from Minhyuk. Minhyuk says a story broke in the media that Monsta X is planning a reunion and asks what Hyungwon thinks about it. Because Hyungwon has the most successful public career, regardless of the recent negative press.

“I think... I don’t know what to think,” Hyungwon answers. Minhyuk waits for him to say more, but Hyungwon is watching Changkyun’s chest rise and fall peacefully, and starts feeling a bit choked up. They’re lying in the bed where Changkyun and Minhyuk had made love and the fact that he likes this is what worries him more than some dumb news story. Is it ok to feel attracted to this immoral closeness between them? 

“—Hyungwon!-Won! Are you paying attention?” Minhyuk’s shrill voice cuts back into his thoughts.

“Sorry. Yeah.”

“Fuck. What are you even thinking about?”

Hyungwon sighs. “You. ‘Kyun. Hyunwoo… I don’t know. Hoseok too. And Kihyun and Honey. I’m—I’m thinking about it.” 

And though this is horribly vague, he knows Minhyuk will understand by his tone of voice.

---

<<Early 2032>>

A new era at Starship begins when CEO Kim retires and leaves Jooheon as sole CEO. Hoseok keeps the executive VP position, and with the stocks Kihyun has spent years hoarding, this gives the members almost complete control over the company. 

They offer Changkyun any title he’d like, but the youngest insists that he isn’t interested in paperwork—his path for world domination is to barricade himself in his studio and just make music like always. He smirks so self-assuredly too that Hoseok throws his hands up and relents. Hoseok does bring in Kihyun as a full-time coach however, because he needs more hands on deck. Meanwhile, Minhyuk has started hyping the media that Monsta X might officially reunite. It’s a ruse, but Minhyuk’s radio-show explodes when he invites Shownu, Wonho, and Hyungwon to guest. 

The unprecedented power shift at Starship makes headlines worldwide and Minhyuk is smart enough to capitalize on the attention. After all, taking over their own company is something many idols have tried but nobody else has ever succeeded at before. 

He baits fans during the show with questions about Monsta X, and an always-too-honest Hyunwoo answers that Monsta X is “still together”, because “we’re family”. For which Minhyuk teases him that he’s obviously been talking to their sappy rap-line too much lately. 

When the live episode finally wraps up filming, Minhyuk receives a call from Jooheon. 

“Yo,” Minhyuk answers, suddenly apprehensive that Jooheon might be upset with the way he’d teased Hyunwoo on air. 

And part of that feeling is correct, because Jooheon seems reluctant to ask—”Minmin,” he says, and Minhyuk swears he can imagine the way Jooheon would bite his bottom lip. “Do you also… consider our members as family?”

Minhyuk breathes out a sigh of relief. “Of course! Of course. How could you even think—”

“Minmin,” Jooheon interrupts him, in the same small voice, but he seems lighter. “I need to ask you something important. When you get home tonight, ok?”

Due to shock, Minhyuk takes a moment’s pause before replying, catching up in a rush. “—Yeah! Yeah of course!” He swears he can feel Jooheon smiling on the other end.

“Ok. Tonight then. I love you,” Jooheon affirms. 

“Love you too.”

---

That night, Minhyuk expects that Jooheon will be with the kids, but he arrives alone. Kihyun is also away tonight so it’s just the two of them, and the minute he sees that shy expression on Jooheon’s face, it only makes Minhyuk hang all over him, barely letting Jooheon take off his shoes before he pulls him inside.

“You made me worried,” Minhyuk pouts, hoping to get a smile from Jooheon, but instead his cheeks flush cutely. 

“I didn’t mean to worry you,” Jooheon says, as Minhyuk cuddles him on the couch. “It’s just, I made up my mind about something...” He catches Minhyuk’s anxious gaze and it gives him courage to continue. He even takes Minhyuk’s hand and links their fingers. “You see, the kids are getting older and they need stability, and you know they like you best—”

“And you?” Minhyuk teases, though he already knows, “who do you like the best?”

Jooheon’s head dips. His blush is positively scarlet. “Well... that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. About how we’re—we could be—a family. Regardless of what our love lives—”

Minhyuk snatches his hand and attention suddenly. “You’re my love life.” And plants a quick kiss to his lips before letting Jooheon finish.

“—So I wanted to ask—will you parent with me?” He finally looks into Minhyuk’s eyes. “I know it’s a lot to ask, and I should have said something sooner—”

“Just to clarify, you’re saying they can be mine too?” Jooheon nods. “Really really??” Minhyuk jumps with excitement. And Jooheon nods, lip bitten between his teeth shyly still. He knows it’s a really big step, even if Minhyuk basically already asked him the same thing months ago. “Joint guardianship?”

“Yeah, I think the boys would like it.”

“Joobie, of course, silly! Of course—” and he launches himself into Jooheon’s arms and crushes him in a kiss, no longer able to hold back. He pushes Jooheon flat back on the couch, crawling into his lap and devouring his mouth. “Oh Honey...”

They’ve kissed before, many passionate kisses since Minhyuk opened up about his feelings, and even many small sweet kisses in all the years before that. But this time Minhyuk wants it all. Jooheon’s been reluctant to treat Minhyuk like a partner until now, but this is surely the beginning of a new chapter.

Minhyuk reaches for Jooheon’s dick, palming over the front of his pants, as he drags his tongue along his jaw to his ear. He’s so ready now. “For real, baby, stop making me wait...”

He wants to make Jooheon feel good, and Jooheon sighs in response, pulling his mouth back into their kiss. 

“Take your pants off, I wanna celebrate,” Minhyuk is huffing. Thankfully Jooheon complies. Minhyuk rips his underwear down his legs immediately after, taking his dick in hand to make Jooheon grow harder. 

“I really can’t hold you off any more, can I?” Jooheon laughs.

“I’m gonna be upset if you even pretend you don’t want me.”

Jooheon kisses him. “Of course I want you.”

“But you had to make me wait while you played with the others? Don’t think I don’t know what sexual escapades you’ve been having at the company,” Minhyuk pouts, but his hand is stroking up Jooheon’s erection excitedly so he’s not actually sad. 

“Having you share the kids isn’t something I can jump into...”

“Except that your pants are not your kids. You’ve been holding out on me,” Minhyuk accuses, yet by this point he’s got a smile on his face and he’s kneeling between Jooheon’s legs. 

“Your kids too now. Soon…” Jooheon corrects. Then bites his lip apprehensively again. “Are you sure?” he tries to ask again.

But Minhyuk smacks him harshly on the thigh. “Yes, I’m bloody sure!” And in the next motion he’s licking a fat stripe up Jooheon’s dick. 

“I just mean, I expect you to be there at their graduation and stuff—”

Minhyuk smacks him again, only pulling his mouth off Jooheon’s dick long enough to say, “I told you I’m not interested in a wife. You have me, now shut up.” Then swallows Jooheon back down, almost to the back of his throat to make Jooheon moan. He’s doing a good job of it, as the emotion inside him is all bubbling up to the surface—hungry to taste Jooheon, since Minhyuk has wanted this for longer than he even knows. He sucks down the length of it, then swirls his tongue up to tease under the head where Jooheon is most sensitive. Saliva pools in his mouth as he slurps and strokes, and because he’s sure Jooheon loves it, he glances up with lustful eyes.

“Fuck, you’re good at this.”

Minhyuk chuckles this time. Next time he comes up, it’s with a smirk on his spit-shiny lips. “Better than ‘Kyun?”

“Better than Hoseokie,” Jooheon laughs. Minhyuk sucks him but holds his gaze so Jooheon elaborates; “Get blown by him and you’ll see.” He means it as a compliment, though Minhyuk isn’t buying it and his eyes still glare up at him. But it’s so sexy seeing his mouth full as they keep up this banter between them. It’s so comfortable. And Jooheon knows this is what he wants for the rest of his life.

He reaches for Minhyuk’s face, to caress. Thumb dragging gently over his lips which are taut around Jooheon’ shaft, he sighs, “You look so good like this.” Full of admiration. He plays by pulling at Minhyuk’s bottom lip, pushes in so Minhyuk’s tongue comes out to play with him wetly, and takes the digit inside instead of Jooheon’s erection. Minhyuk crawls back up his body, making Jooheon watch more closely as he sucks. And when he drops Jooheon’s thumb, he kisses his lips again, making Jooheon arch sensually to meet him.

Between kisses, he watches Jooheon’s eyes, as they shed their remaining clothing. So Minhyuk can settle atop Jooheon and feel only skin between them, and so much warmth. And more kisses. Slow and deep. The type of kisses that make time run slower, and the air feel thicker, so it’s only them two entwined together in all the world. Minhyuk’s hands are running up Jooheon’s body, making him even hotter. 

“I like you,” Jooheon says, his eyes glazed over in contentment.

“Of course you do,” Minhyuk snickers, dipping his tongue back into Jooheon’s mouth.

He and Minhyuk had a moment like this many years ago, when they were young and freshly debuted. Something that helped them connect. Something that Jooheon reminisces about when he feels empty and needs to know he’s loved. A moment when he learned Minhyuk is forever. He could have made love to him that night… he knew it then. So he knows this has been long in the making. 

If he was smart he would have known how lucky he is to have friends who love him this much. Yet he almost let it slip through his fingers.

Not anymore.

He can be honest now. He loves his friends. He loves Minhyuk’s sweet lips. He likes it when their hearts beat together—Jooheon’s breath hitches when Minhyuk strokes lube over his arousal. His eyes flutter open and he sees Minhyuk grinning down at him like sunshine. He feels the slick over Minhyuk’s entrance, ready for him, as Minhyuk guides his length into position. Head against his rim—

In this last moment, Jooheon flips them.

“Oh!—You want it like this?” Minhyuk blinks up at him in surprise. A hint of laughter in his tone when he realizes he’s suddenly on his back. Jooheon nods, and the smile that beams back at him is even brighter. “Baby, I’m so ready,” Minhyuk says and wraps his limbs around Jooheon.

He sighs so beautifully when Jooheon pushes into him. Slowly past the head and then evenly forward until he’s fully sheathed in Minhyuk’s body and Minhyuk’s breaths become clipped and hot against his face. His cheeks are pink and his fingers trace down between Jooheon’s shoulder-blades as he holds on. 

Jooheon is looking into his eyes, he’s sure of himself, and he’s steady as he drives his hips forward. This moment feels like taking responsibility and he’s determined. It’s like all the times in their lives when they joked around, and Jooheon would suck at Minhyuk’s ears and down his neck to annoy him, were leading up to this. Minhyuk would complain, and Jooheon would push back if Minhyuk did the same to him too much. He’s used to fighting and struggling to stay away, too afraid—maybe Minhyuk was too—because a part of him always knew how sweet it would be if Minhyuk just let him be closer. That closer meant this—opening their hearts to each other. Jooheon is ready now.

He dips in to slot their lips together. It always feels good kissing Minhyuk but it’s the best right now. Because as he mouths down his jaw, Minhyuk’s head tips back in pleasure and Jooheon can lick up his skin, feeling his lover’s heartbeat in his throat, right there below Jooheon’s lips. They’re together now. He can do this as much as he wants, doesn’t want to pull away anymore. This is the happiness he should have grasped sooner.

As the heat between them rises in waves, Minhyuk whimpers from the feeling coiling up inside him. It’s subtle but powerful, making his thighs tremble, so he holds Jooheon’s body tighter. Lip between his teeth, he’s trying to hold on but reaches a hand between them to fist himself anyway. Jooheon kisses him and nods his approval. Kisses him again and whispers to him, “Minhyuk… beautiful,“ into his ear. And that’s all that’s needed to push Minhyuk over the edge.

With the way Minhyuk’s body clenches around him, and that breathy cry at his peak, it has Jooheon tumbling right after—fucking him full of come until they’re both boneless and spent, laying next to each other and looking up at the ceiling. 

Looking over, Jooheon can see Minhyuk’s content smile as he plays his fingers leisurely through the come on his belly.

“Minhyuk,” Jooheon says, and waits for Minhyuk’s eyes to reach his. “You told me to say yes, you remember? So I’m saying yes, ok? I want to do this with you forever too.”

Minhyuk’s smile gets really wide, really sunny, and for a moment longer he doesn’t say anything, just nods to absorb the meaning. Then he leans in and captures Jooheon’s lips. Between their kiss, he just says, “I love you so much,” as he pets Jooheon’s hair and gets lost in his body anew.

In return, Jooheon sucks at his lips and sighs. “You’re so good to me.”

---

Minhyuk drags him to the government office first thing in the morning to make the change legal. They’ll need to put the twins in kindergarten soon, and Minhyuk can’t wait to be able to take them there with Jooheon on the first day.

---

The second aftermath of Minhyuk’s radio-show with three members is that it’s got Kihyun thinking—he questions Changkyun the next day.

“Where are you?”

“‘Seok’s place.”

“And where is he?”

“Company building. I woke up late.”

“Want to eat together?” Kihyun asks. “I’m getting food and I’m nearby.”

—There’s definitely an ulterior reason Kihyun called, so Changkyun agrees.

“I take it you’ve been talking to Hyunwoo?” Kihyun inquires with an arched eyebrow when they’re sitting in Hoseok’s livingroom with food containers littered about. “What have you two been talking about?” 

Because Kihyun intuitively recognised Changkyun’s emotions in Hyunwoo’s words on-air. (Kihyun wouldn’t be Kihyun if he couldn’t stick his nose in all their members’ business.) And though Changkyun isn’t the most forthcoming in his answers, he does confirm, yes, Hyunwoo has been picking up his calls. Changkyun isn’t verbose, but it means a lot to him that Hyunwoo picks up.

“Are you still looking for validation? After all this time?”—Kihyun’s questions only multiply, and he’s got that squint in his eyes like he’s on a mission. “Why are you giving away all your songs?”—“What happened to your solo work?”—Changkyun becomes uncomfortable that Kihyun reads him so well. 

It’s true that to this day Changkyun doesn’t feel safe standing up without Monsta X. But he thought he was hiding it better. He thought he’d overcome his awkwardness eventually, yet he hasn’t released his own music since Monsta X stopped promoting together. Now, without even saying a word, Kihyun seems to understand. 

Partly to throw him off the scent—as if it did anything to prove his independence—Changkyun gets stubborn and asks him to sing the guide to a new track. Changkyun’s eyebrow is just as challenging, hoping to intimidate just a bit. But Kihyun rises to the occasion. 

“Sure. Sounds great,” Kihyun replies with a grin. And so they meet in Changkyun’s studio a couple days later.

Despite how good Kihyun is at capturing the emotions of Changkyun’s song, and how good his recorded vocals are—as they both knew he would be—Changkyun remains somewhat bitter as they work. There’s a niggling feeling that Kihyun is snooping into this personal life—probably because that’s exactly what Kihyun is doing by being here.

Changkyun’s professional level of silence can only last so long however.

With Kihyun behind him as they look at the same screen together, idly massaging Changkyun’s neck, thumb falling between his shoulder-blades, caressing the first rose of Changkyun’s large back tattoo intimately—Changkyun finally snaps.

“Fuck—don’t touch me like that!” He shrugs Kihyun off.

It doesn’t work, Kihyun’s fingers are instantly back to dancing along his nape and any skin his shirt isn’t covering. “Why?”

Changkyun’s heart dips. “Turns me on,” he mumbles.

He hates himself for snapping. For being this petty. His knuckles turn white from their grip on the desktop. Yet he didn’t expect Kihyun to come closer.

Breath ghosting behind Changkyun’s ear—“Show me how to touch you.”

It makes Changkyun shiver, and it takes him more effort to throw Kihyun off again. “Why are you being like this?” he asks, determined to look only forward because the way Kihyun is acting hurts—It must be too good to be true. He swallows thickly.

Kihyun steps closer, flush against Changkyun’s back—and Changkyun whips around. Sudden fury in his eyes—”Why are you doing this?!”—Kihyun’s hand raises to Changkyun’s cheek, his eyes soft. It only makes Changkyun more desperate, like he’s running. “I like being fucked by our members! Ok?? Is that what you wanted to hear?!”—God, he feels sick with himself. 

All Kihyun does is come closer until Changkyun is trembling, praying to escape. His eyes are fearfully wide, as if he’ll be devoured.

“Hey hey, it’s ok…” Kihyun murmurs against his skin. His face tucked in Changkyun’s neck, he kisses softly under his ear.

“Kihyun…” Changkyun pleads. 

“Want you like this,” Kihyun tells him quietly.

He pets and kisses Changkyun gently until the younger melts into his arms. There’s something still mysterious about Kihyun’s approach. “What do you like?” he asks Changkyun.

“Y-you can do anything in the world to me… What do you want to do to me?”—Changkyun might cry. His heart feels so precarious he can barely breathe.

“Want you on this desk,” Kihyun says, backing him up so the ledge hits Changkyun’s ass. His voice is strangled somehow. (He tried to come on strong but he’s failing.) “So you—remember it next time you’re working—” 

—Remember me. This thought is screaming in Kihyun’s mind but he doesn’t say it. Why should he want so badly for Changkyun to remember him?

Sensing a power shift, it has Changkyun’s arms circling his shoulders tighter. “You know I like the sound of that,” Changkyun smiles finally, demurely but mischievously. Their eyes meet and he expected a brighter response from Kihyun. It’s surprising to see him still solemn somehow.

“I want to learn…” Kihyun begins a thought and holds back from saying it again. He bites his lip instead.

Perhaps Changkyun misinterprets what he was about to say. “Don’t you and Minhyuk have a sex thing these days?” 

“Yes.” Kihyun sighs.

“And?” 

“It’s good. I just… don’t understand it. I don’t really understand myself…” Kihyun glances away.

“Do you prefer topping?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“You’ve tried both, right?”

“Yes.”

With a bit more courage now, Changkyun can sense Kihyun’s problem is nearby but not what it is. He tries a different line of questions. “What’s the emotion that scares you most of all? You can tell me… I’m sure whatever your problem is, mine is worse.” It’s a bit of self-deprecating humor, but again, Kihyun doesn’t answer. Just tangles his fingers in Changkyun’s shirt and keeps his head hung. Changkyun pulls him closer—he’ll get shy again too if Kihyun isn’t answering anything. Everything is too open and too delicate.

“Does he go slowly?” Changkyun asks softly, almost hiding his face under Kihyun’s jaw. He takes a chance and kisses Kihyun’s skin to see his reaction.

“Pardon?” 

“When you have sex with Minhyuk, do you ever take it slowly?” 

“...I like it fast, rough…” 

That feels like a lie. Changkyun catches his eyes for a moment before Kihyun looks away. “Do you?” Changkyun is skeptical. They’re getting closer to whatever reason Kihyun started all this for. “What if I asked for it, um…”—God, he’s taking a big chance but he’s not even thinking of that—Changkyun takes off his bottoms, then his shirt, pushing away the keyboards and notebooks, he hops his nude ass up on his own desk. Then leans back until the back of his head is nearly touching the monitor and hikes his knees up, and spreads, showing everything of himself—He must be bloody insane for doing this!

Kihyun watches him in awe, their eyes are locked on each other now and though Changkyun is behaving this boldly, Kihyun knows he’s still shy, vulnerable but pushing past his own limits for him. For Kihyun. “Like—like this.” Changkyun is blushing crimson. His voice is low. “Do me slower. Not how you think, but how you feel… about me.” He seems to tack on the last part with a hitch in his voice.

Kihyun’s mouth is dry. He wants this! This is the vision inside his head that made him approach Changkyun! It’s everything he was dreaming about, but also… scary somehow. Afraid to approach, Kihyun just watches. Changkyun touches himself. He’s not hard yet, barely halfway, and it feels invasive watching something so personal.

When he fucks with Minhyuk, Minhyuk makes it a game, a fairytale, something fun that makes Kihyun almost forget what it all means. Or at least not focus on anything beyond how good it is. It feels amazing to just feel… in love. 

Changkyun isn’t letting him forget. But, that’s what Kihyun wanted, isn’t it? To understand. 

Changkyun’s foot curls around his waist and pulls him a bit closer, and as Kihyun stands between his legs, looking down at the feast laid for him—it kind of—Kihyun gulps. It looks like how he’s always wanted to make love to someone. Like when he looks down at a woman in bed and sometimes there’s a part of him that wishes for it to mean something. Wishes he could make love to her, if only his heart didn’t belong elsewhere already—and somehow he never understood why he couldn’t do it. Why sex was great, explosive, but it was just… sex. There’s a sliver of light in his conscience and he’ll follow it…

Changkyun’s eyes are honest, letting Kihyun approach as slowly as he wants, so Kihyun touches him, timidly now. Down his chest that rises for him, as if instinct pulls him closer. Fingertips brushing down Changkyun’s abdomen and then back up across his chest. With two hands he tries spreading his palms on Changkyun’s pecs—does it feel the same without breasts here? Kihyun feels like an idiot. His thumbs brush Changkyun’s nipples and Changkyun arches so beautifully—god, so beautifully, with a tiny inhale, frozen in this moment of anticipation. His lips part, Kihyun watches him, sees the fire in his eyes, smoldering there, chained up, just waiting. 

Kihyun cups his chest and leans in, daring to lick one of Changkyun’s nipples—making Changkyun whimper and tremble from so little, Kihyun can feel him in his grasp. He holds him tighter, taking him in his mouth, suckling—Changkyun’s chest is flat, but he’s so beautiful, just the way he breathes, the delicate arc of his body up, probably unconscious, all for Kihyun—all open. It’s just—exactly what Kihyun has always wanted—to take someone gently, to feel them, to connect. His lips move back up to Changkyun’s neck, mouthing up the column of his throat, feeling Changkyun’s breath hitch and his heartbeat and even the goosebumps that rise up. 

This is Changkyun—his youngest—the boy who was so reclusive when they first met, who Kihyun coached for years, to open up, who loves him and Kihyun loves him too—just, it was never supposed to be this way. That’s what Kihyun always gets stuck on. Yet it’s exactly—it’s even better—he’s just so beautiful that Kihyun has trouble believing he can touch him. 

“D-does this make you happy? You deserve to be happy,” he says to Changkyun. 

The younger gulps. “And you deserve to be loved,” Changkyun replies, with a small voice, verging on tears. “Don’t do it if you don’t want to,” Changkyun says. “You don’t have to. If it hurts too much, you don’t have to.” 

Kihyun’s gaze links with his, and his hands pause where they touch. Something inside Kihyun is screaming again. Whatever he was scared of before is nothing compared to how it feels to imagine losing this—“But—” How is he supposed to keep Changkyun? “I—I do love you.”

Changkyun’s expression softens, “I know that. It’s ok,” he says kindly.

“Changkyun…” I want to kiss you.

Kihyun chokes on his words, and dives for Changkyun’s mouth instead. In their kiss is all the stuff that Kihyun can’t say. He kisses like Changkyun is the most precious person in the world to him. Because he is. He should kiss Minhyuk this way too. He wants to kiss Hyunwoo this way so badly—and Hoseok would be gentle with him. Hyungwon would understand. Jooheon would welcome it—

Changkyun sighs and breaks away. “Right here, Ki. Right here,” he murmurs and takes Kihyun’s lips again. In all the ways Kihyun has needed to be told that this is ok, that’s how Changkyun kisses him.

He helps Kihyun shed his clothes and guides Kihyun’s hands down his body, so Kihyun can touch his arousal and his opening and feel him, and how much Changkyun wants it. He rocks against Kihyun’s fingers, keeping his mouth close so this secret is theirs, until Kihyun feels ready. He can feel it when Kihyun kisses more steadily, when his fingers move on his skin with determination. Changkyun hands him a bottle of lube that’s in his studio specially for the purpose of jerking off with.

After slicking Kihyun’s fingers, Changkyun leans back again, taking a breath for himself. Eyes smoldering as they look back at Kihyun—making Kihyun want him even more. The cool wetness on Kihyun’s fingers shakes Changkyun, and Kihyun takes his lips again. His fingers brush over him a moment longer, and then Changkyun gasps into their kiss when Kihyun pushes into him, and then again to get two fingers into him, to make Changkyun mewl so sweetly. He nods for Kihyun to continue, eyes half-lidded and sultry, as if he’s saying “take me” with every look.

The clock is midnight when Kihyun finally sinks into Changkyun’s body. They start on the desk. Changkyun’s toes curl as he accepts the girth of Kihyun’s erection, lip bitten between his teeth as he adjusts, dark eyes locked on Kihyun. He wraps an arm around Kihyun’s shoulders and his legs around his waist and tells him with his gaze that he wants him deep. Kihyun’s first thrusts are the rocking of his hips against the hilt, as if he doesn’t want to pull away even an inch. 

“Is it good for you?” Kihyun dares to ask. His lips are on Changkyun’s neck again.

“Mmm. Mm’hmm,” Changkyun moans. “Call me baby… let me feel it,” he breathes.

“Baby?”

Changkyun nods. “It’s ok. Keep going.” He’s trying to roll his hips to take in more of Kihyun. It’s so tight between them he can’t move in this position. But he loves that he can feel Kihyun’s desperation grabbing on to him, loves how close Kihyun has him trapped. He swears he can feel every heartbeat.

“Baby…” Kihyun tries the word out in his mouth, and he likes it. It feels possessive, and it gives him the courage to pull out further, just so he can push back in deeper—”Baby,” he says again. His thrusts get longer, and Changkyun feels them against his rim, dragging against velvety tight insides—hitches the breath right in his chest.

He moans, a little broken, “F-fuck me.” 

Kihyun takes him harder, but before he has a chance to build a rhythm, Changkyun is growling and pushes him all the way down onto the floor. A hand poised on his shoulder and the other pressing Kihyun’s cock back inside himself, he sinks down the length of him. Though breathless from the impact, Kihyun meets him on the next one. And again and again as Changkyun makes his own rhythm riding him. This is what he needed—to feel every inch inside him. Thick. Filling him. 

Changkyun moans. “God… I can feel you… so good like this…” Kihyun stretches him, Changkyun’s body grips him. They’re acutely tuned in to how their bodies connect. Sliding up and down Kihyun’s length vividly, torturously—it looks incredible.

The visual isn’t something Kihyun can handle, too good, he needs more of him—he doesn’t think before he topples Changkyun over, to get him on his back. Changkyun loves this too. His thighs hug Kihyun, pulling him home, as his spine arches beneath him. He nods for more. For harder. 

“Feel me?” Kihyun asks, liking the sound of it. Fucking like he’s staking a claim with long drives into Changkyun, so he feels it against his prostate and Kihyun can feel him tremble. Each time nearly falling out so that the head punches back in, and makes Changkyun ache something that won’t evaporate by morning. Sex that isn’t just sex, because Kihyun wants him to feel this and keep it with him.

“C-come inside me. Want you to.” Changkyun’s voice is ragged. He’s fisting a loose hand over himself but it doesn’t look like he needs it to come. Kihyun slows down again, grinding himself right against Changkyun’s prostate and slots their mouths together once more. That perfect tightness has Changkyun falling over the edge, as Kihyun holds him, and kisses away all those wrecked and pretty sounds he makes, and then fucks him through his own high.

Kihyun wouldn’t be able to pull away even if he wanted to. He gives everything to Changkyun, thrusting deep in him until the last, and then he kisses Changkyun’s forehead. 

He closes his eyes and though he takes a breath, it’s not enough. He kisses Changkyun’s temple and cheeks and nose and lips, feeling Changkyun exhale against his face.

A fervor, like this can’t end, that Kihyun isn’t done, that Kihyun still wants more of him, fills his chest—so that when he unwinds Changkyun’s legs from around his body, Kihyun runs his hands down the length of them. Wanting to admire Changkyun right now, Kihyun just can’t let him go.

Changkyun is flexible, always has been, so it’s easy for Kihyun to raise one of his legs up, placing it on his shoulder. He looks down at how they’re still connected and it makes his heart jump. But he feels good about it, it’s what he wanted, so he kisses Changkyun’s ankle tenderly, and then again on the vamp. He catches Changkyun’s eyes watching him. 

“Pull out,” Changkyun tells him. But it feels like he’s saying watch me, which Kihyun loves even more. He pulls out slowly, and Changkyun doesn’t contract his muscles at first, so there’s a moment where he gapes—it makes Kihyun salivate—Rim tender and wet with evidence of their sex. Fuck—it’s sexy. Changkyun tightens up but a few drops of Kihyun’s semen escape—fuck!—It’s automatic when Kihyun bends down, he licks before he even knows what he’s doing.

Changkyun stiffens, eyes blown wide—Kihyun is rimming him! Suddenly licking him clean, tongue lapping and prodding at him to relax again, so he can lick inside too and clean him out. It’s making Changkyun shiver terribly, but he does relax, inadvertently releasing more of the fluids inside him for Kihyun to eat up. Fucking hell—Changkyun trembles like his orgasm is still shaking him. He feels Kihyun’s tongue and heated breaths rushing against his ass, licking him like making out—it’s so much! Never in a million years did he think Kihyun would do this much, but—Changkyun closes his eyes. It’s exactly the perverted way Changkyun loves his members. This is perfect, like he might cry. Kihyun is perfect. So he takes it and he enjoys it, and lets this feeling burrow into his heart. And then Changkyun pulls him up when he can’t take it anymore. It shakes him too much.

Up into a kiss, he pulls Kihyun’s mouth to his, sucking his tongue in deep and tasting something obscene and Changkyun loves it.

“Looked so beautiful, I wanted to kiss you,” Kihyun murmurs to him between their lips.

---

Since arriving back in Seoul, Hyungwon seems to be finding every reason in the world to be around Hoseok. Though, he doesn’t say very much. He just lurks. 

Hoseok would find it funny, if it wasn’t for that aura of sex that’s been wafting off Hyungwon in waves. Hoseok wonders if Hyungwon is even aware of how obvious he is. Until Hoseok can’t stand it anymore and he takes him home to demand an explanation, pulling him through the front door by the hand. Not like Hyungwon wasn’t already staying with him, but tonight Hoseok wants him in private a little faster.

The second the door is locked, it’s Hyungwon who has Hoseok pressed against it!

“Fuck,” Hoseok swears. He wasn’t expecting it. Hyungwon’s suddenly kissing up his throat and trapping his mouth, and it feels like he’s stealing all the air. “God—w-what are you doing?”

“You want me, don’t you?”

Hyungwon isn’t stopping. His hands wind under Hoseok’s clothes, lifting the shirt off his body and diving to kiss lower on his chest. “I want you. Of course I do—” Hoseok replies, but plush, pillowy lips are turning Hoseok’s mind into mush. Why is Hyungwon kissing him?—the thought slips away. And then Hyungwon is leading him to the bedroom, shedding clothing along the way. Looking beautiful as he lies back in Hoseok’s bed. Naked and fumbling with Hoseok’s pants then, he’s trying to get them off like he’s angry—and then Hoseok helps and their bodies land together. Hoseok above Hyungwon, touching up his thighs and slim muscles and kissing under his jaw and loving that he gets to love him, finally. 

Hyungwon is even faster, he’s found Hoseok’s lube and takes him in hand, guiding him between his legs and grinding his asshole against the length of it.

“Take me,” Hyungwon rasps out, “Punish me for running away—I’ll never do it again—” His voice breaks—

Hoseok stops immediately.

Hyungwon’s eyes are glassy, blinking up at him. Still grabbing at Hoseok’s body to pull him back.

No… no, they’re not going to do this like this. Hoseok’s hands come to cradle Hyungwon’s cheeks, scooping his body closer, and making him look into his gentle eyes. “Wonnie. We don’t fuck like that.”

“But Changkyun… you fuck him rough.”

“Only because he knows I want him, I love him. I love you too, but you have to understand that first. I won’t hurt you.” Hoseok pecks his lips.

Hyungwon gulps and a tear slips down his cheek. “I just—I wanna be part of it. Part of the group—” he sounds desperate, lonesome. Hoseok can’t stand it.

“Don’t be dumb again. You always are, nobody’s letting you go.”

But that doesn’t stop Hyungwon from feeling guilty for leaving. “Please… forgive me. Can you?” And he wraps his legs around Hoseok’s body tighter, circling his arms around his shoulders as tears begin streaming more than Hoseok can catch.

Hoseok sighs and slumps into his embrace, nose falling into the crook of Hyungwon’s shoulder, so they can cry and cool down together.

“You don’t think it’s a hundred times worse that I couldn’t move on?” Hoseok asks. A sad, dreamy tone having replaced the rush of lust that they started with. “I felt like a failure all the time. At least you tried. There’s nothing to forgive.” 

And there’s nothing else Hyungwon can say that’ll make Hoseok fuck him tonight. Hoseok just sighs, playing gentle patterns with his fingers over Hyungwon’s skin. Their night turns soft and quiet like this, full of warmth from how they hold each other in bed, and part of it feels like when they were trainees together, talking to each other in hushed tones until dawn, all those years ago. 

After debut, Hyungwon said for years that the members are “too close”. He said it often and it was ambiguously good or bad, yet he didn’t like to examine what it meant. Because the truth is that he likes being “too close”, it’s always been attractive to him. Being that close makes him feel special, like they can beat the odds. That no matter how unrealistic the goal is, they can do it. Maybe he likes the taboo of it. That if he’s told he can’t, then he wants it even more. 

Hoseok loves him so much though… Hyungwon didn’t even know what “too close” meant. He does now. It’s not a fantasy or some taboo game, but where his heart belongs. He wants to be rebellious for the right reasons this time, to finally stand with his group. 

“Too close is better than too far,” he tells Hoseok as they’re falling asleep.

Hoseok kisses his chest with a smile and a promise right back. ”When you’re ready, I’ll love you properly.”

They wake up in the morning in a tangle of limbs and Hyungwon can’t stop kissing Hoseok. Hoseok lets him this time. 

Then they spend most of the remaining week in nothing but Hoseok’s bedsheets. Too close is better than too far, they both agree.

---

<<Mid 2032>>

When Hyunwoo turns 40, the members hold a birthday party for him at the Jeju house. Which basically means a bunch of food platters scattered about the livingroom and kitchen while several of their parents and random friends and employees come and go. Nobody stays long. There are much better things to do on Jeju than witness Hyunwoo sulk over being a decade older, while the members are acting reclusive among themselves and not particularly interested in actually entertaining.

Hoseok is trying though. He’s talked to every guest personally, thanking them for coming, thanking them for whatever food or alcohol they brought, thanking them for the gifts he’s been piling on the coffee-table that’s becoming a small mountain of wrapping paper. Jooheon and the twins have been unwrapping Hyunwoo’s presents for him while he watches like a grandfather, sipping his drink quietly.

There’s a moment when Hyungwon leans into Minhyuk, and kisses his neck softly, like he would have never done before. Where Minhyuk jokes, “What are you smelling me for? Your nose is useless.” Minhyuk is always teasing him for the rhinitis Hyungwon never solved. But as Kihyun notices this, he tugs Hoseok’s hand to signal it’s time the guests all leave. The members can’t hide what they are anymore for tonight.

They even send the kids up to bed.

“I want to give you my birthday gift also,” Jooheon says then, as he straddles Hyunwoo’s lap for all the members to see. His gaze is soft, hands petting Hyunwoo’s cheeks, tilting his head up before capturing his lips in a kiss. Long and intimate, and Hyunwoo wraps his arms around him, as Jooheon molds their mouths together. It feels like something they would have both liked to do years ago. Jooheon’s eyes are so dreamy as he looks at their leader, kiss-flushed with dewy lips. “Happy birthday to the best leader. I love you so much, bro.” 

While the rest chuckle together, “Honey got him shoes, of course,” and nudging each other. “Make sure the youngest doesn’t drink the whole bottle.”

That’s something that Hyunwoo has noticed, as the evening comes to a close, and the more time Hyunwoo spends with the members as seven again, he realizes they all still speak the same—“members”, “leader”, “youngest”—as if they’re an active group. The roles so trained into them, they probably can’t even imagine a life not bound together. He has no idea how he missed something so obvious and his mind flows to his conversations with Changkyun, about being a team and that it’s ok to love too much.

Hyunwoo takes his drink to the balcony to think for a moment.

Meanwhile, Kihyun has started bothering Changkyun again, insisting he work on some solo songs. It makes the youngest scrunch his nose up and leave the conversation. Kihyun has been bugging him about it every chance he gets and Changkyun doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of saying that he has been working on some solo stuff recently. He catches Hoseok’s eye and Hoseok dutifully pulls Kihyun away to distract him.

Taking Kihyun’s hands in his, Hoseok gets closer. 

“Don’t worry about Changkyun. I know what he’s working on,” Hoseok soothes. “I want to know how you’re doing…”

For a moment it looks like Kihyun might scoff and play stupid. But he doesn’t. “Better,” he replies quietly. He’s always honest with Hoseok.

“Yeah?”

Kihyun pulls him closer this time. “I…” The words are on the tip of his tongue, searching Hoseok’s eyes. “I had sex with Minhyuk and Jooheon,” he manages to whisper. And he’s surprised by the approving peck Hoseok gives his lips.

Then Hoseok takes him into a hug so Kihyun can rest his head against his chest, built like a firm pillow that Kihyun wishes he could spend eternity cradled into. Both of them turn to watching the french doors to the balcony, where Hyunwoo is stargazing.

Kihyun gulps and Hoseok plays their fingers together, twining them and giving a squeeze. Kihyun has no idea what he’s even supposed to say. Hoseok already knows why Kihyun is nervous.

But the nudge is nice. “Go talk to him,” Hoseok says, eyebrows indicating the balcony. “Go tell him he’s not going to die just because he’s old.”

Kihyun chuckles and goes.

His heart still skips though, when he makes his way outside and Hyunwoo smiles at him.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Hyunwoo returns. He reaches for Kihyun’s hand and Kihyun gives it to him as he sets his glass on the balcony ledge.

Though the silence is comforting, Kihyun did come to make a statement. So he tugs Hyunwoo closer, tipping their lips together for a soft kiss. “Happy birthday,” he says, as their faces linger near and both their eyes search each other. It’s supposed to be Kihyun’s peace-offering. It makes Hyunwoo smile, though not as brightly as Kihyun had hoped.

“You said it was a mistake.”

“I was wrong,” Kihyun says, and turns to look out at the view instead of Hyunwoo’s scrutinizing gaze. It’s hell when it’s directed at him, always makes him feel like he’s about to be swept into an undertow. He can feel Hyunwoo’s eyes remain on him, and he feels his stomach flip. He should say something more… It’s not fair for Hyunwoo that Kihyun is just “enough” for him. Hyunwoo should have… whatever he’s always dreamed of.

Sigh. Isn’t it so similar to what Kihyun has wanted? Isn’t it?

Unexpectedly, Hyunwoo asks him then how much longer he plans on dating random girls, and Kihyun hangs his head. Hyunwoo is rarely so direct. It seems Hyunwoo’s residual need for commitment has crept up. He doesn’t understand mixed signals, so Kihyun knows he’s just asking for clarity. He’s also asking if Kihyun feels fulfilled, because he wants Kihyun to be genuinely happy.

The only thing he seemingly can’t read is how much Kihyun wants to give him—more than enough, more than everything.

Yet Kihyun gulps and avoids and keeps staring out across the water. Fuck, he feels like shit suddenly. “Why are you asking me this?”

As if Kihyun doesn’t know, and Hyunwoo sighs. 

“You see what’s happening around us?” With the members, Hyunwoo means. "I don't think I'll get married again, that's all." 

He sounds lonesome and Kihyun glances his way. Hyunwoo’s head is bowed and he looks miserable. After a while, he says something even worse. "I feel like I cheated on you when I left and married someone who didn't love me..."

Kihyun is speechless. He still wants to scream that Hyunwoo should have the world, but what he replies is a weak, "That's not how these things work..." 

He doesn’t expect such a pointed glare in return. "So are you going to keep dating women who don't care for you?"

Maybe Hyunwoo isn’t so dense about Kihyun’s feelings after all, but Kihyun hates being put on the spot. He shrugs stubbornly. "I like sex." 

It seems to mean I like sex with women, and it’s something Kihyun has actually been debating a lot lately, as his sexuality is somewhat getting in the way of his heart. He’s been thinking of stopping—if he hasn’t already, since he hasn’t slept outside the group in months. It doesn’t feel good anymore but he doesn’t want to admit it aloud. Yet the other part of him is yelling at him that he’s being an idiot—he should turn and just kiss Hyunwoo senseless right now! Kihyun’s fists ball with nerves.

"I like sex with someone I love,” Hyunwoo replies wistfully, seemingly much more relaxed, before switching the subject. "I talked to Minhyuk, Hoseok, and Honey already. They said that if you agree, we should release a reunion song together, as Monsta X again. Will you do it?"

It feels like another punch to the gut. "Not sure what you're asking me. What does a song have to do with it?" Kihyun asks. 

Hyunwoo links their fingers, pulling Kihyun’s hand to his chest. "I trust you. I love you, you know that."

"Still not sure what you're saying."

Hyunwoo is looking at him with so much love, extending his heart on a platter even farther. "I want you to have a room in this house." 

"Oh." Kihyun is staring blankly now, incredulous that Hyunwoo is laying it all bare. "But you have no more bedrooms." Hyunwoo squeezes his hand purposefully, imploring with his eyes and Kihyun can’t help nodding. "I-if Changkyun agrees, then I'll put a futon in his room." The situation is slipping away from his control. And then Kihyun does the math because it's not that big a house: Hyungwon has one bedroom, Minhyuk, Jooheon, and kids in the masterbed, and Changkyun in the smallest—"Where have you been living?" 

"Livingroom," Hyunwoo says, though he doesn’t seem the least bit annoyed, in fact he’s smiling only wider.

"But it's your house!"

"It's your house too,” he says calmly, and Kihyun feels like he’s drowning.

"I-I'm not giving up the apartment near the company!” he squawks. “I'm literally out of beds there also." It’s only a 2-bedroom apartment and Jooheon has basically moved into Minhyuk’s room.

"Not asking you to."

There’s not enough air—Kihyun levels a glare at him that pierces through to Hyunwoo's true intentions. "You want the dream. That dream from when we first debuted," he accuses.

"I do. What's so bad about it?" Hyunwoo comes closer, even kisses the top of Kihyun’s head softly. 

The frantic beating of his heart is swallowed once more by Kihyun’s feigned extra-cool exterior, yet he knows he’s losing the battle—"Did everyone agree?"

"Yes." 

Kihyun narrows his eyes. "Where is Hoseok sleeping?"

"With Hyungwon."

—It’s not Hyunwoo dragging him into agreeing, it’s more like reality staring Kihyun in the face. He doesn’t even know what he’s fighting anymore.

So—fine. His heart bursts—he lets it all out. "Ok. Ok, if it's all of us, then obviously I'm in. It'll be like when we debuted," he says in a hurry, and he’s surprised by how much lighter his chest instantly feels. He turns with wide eyes to give Hyunwoo a smile, and the feeling of warmth spreads through him the more he can see how happy he’s made Hyunwoo also. 

"That's what ‘Seokie and Honey said,” Hyunwoo replies. And then he takes Kihyun's other hand as well, emotions stirring in his eyes. "Kihyun. Let's stay together."

Kihyun’s butterflies are going to make him vomit—but maybe this doesn’t feel like drowning. His insides are glowing hot.

"Ok. Together," he gulps.

When Hyunwoo kisses him, it feels like fresh air.

It’s so sweet, and Kihyun’s heart is beating wildly, looking into Hyunwoo’s soft, happy eyes. He can’t help pulling him close again, and making him smile wider. He wants Hyunwoo to know it’s ok now. At least for now while he feels so in love this way.

Kihyun knows exactly what he’s agreeing to. Even if his stomach feels knotted, he tugs Hyunwoo down by the nape so he knows it too. Pressing a kiss to his lips very deliberately and intensely like a seal, “I promise,” Kihyun says. 

Kihyun shakes his nerves off and he gives Hyunwoo his present also, that night. And promises to himself that he’ll stay. They’ll stay together forever.

---

THE END.