Chapter Text
“We go through life. We shed our skin. We become ourselves.”
Shelby can’t remember a time where she felt more like herself. She glanced over at her nightstand where her divorce finalization papers lay. She took a deep breath and smiled, more than ready to move on from her life from Andrew. Thinking back on the past year, she felt so proud of herself to finally accept the truth she had spent years hiding from her family.
She spent years pushing her feelings down, agreeing to marry Andrew after college. He proposed the day of their college graduation party. As Andrew got down on one knee and pulled out a ring, she felt sick to her stomach glancing over at her parents who had never looked happier. She swallowed her feelings down further as she shook her head yes, not even able to say that word out loud.
The wedding date was set for not even a year later. Andrew had started his corporate business job in Houston while Shelby was settling into her first-year teaching at the local elementary school. She absolutely loved her job, the one part of her life that made her truly happy. It was her only place of reprieve from her family, Andrew and wedding planning.
As the wedding day began to creep closer and closer, Shelby started to feel physically sick. She wanted more than anything to call it off but felt she couldn’t risk losing her family. It was too big of a sacrifice in her eyes to know she would have to say goodbye to her mom and her siblings. Especially looking into her mom and Melody’s eyes the day she tried on her wedding dress shopping day. Tears filled all their eyes, for much different reasons, at the big reveal when she finally found “the dress”.
The day of the wedding finally came and Shelby was truly ready to get it over with. As she stood on the alter while her dad began talking about women obeying their husbands and asking the couple to say their “I do’s”, Shelby continued to swallow her feelings down further as she shook her head yes, not even able to say those words out loud.
That pattern continued as they started their first year of marriage together. Andrew began spending more time at the office and away on business trips. Shelby threw herself into her teaching and spending time with her family. She thought this life could be enough for her, she could survive this. When Andrew was home, he expected her to be the perfect housewife. The first time he came home drunk and struck her in the face, she swallowed down the sickness in her stomach as he pleaded with her to forgive him.
When Shelby realized she was over a week late for her period during the second year of their marriage, she instantly felt sick to her stomach. She called her best friend Dot to come over immediately as she waited for the results of her at home test. Dot held her as she cried. Shelby mourned, not ready to be a mom, not ready to be tied to Andrew in that way. Dot hugged her and continued to whisper to her that she would be alright. Shelby felt those words settle into her soul.
The day Everett was born, Shelby was overwhelmed with a completeness that she had never felt in her twenty-four years of life. The words “a love like you have never experienced before” came to life within her heart that day as she held her perfect baby boy in her arms. Andrew was away on a business trip and Shelby thanked God that she could have this moment to herself. As her family, friends and Dot left the hospital later that evening and she was able to catch her breath and look into her son’s eyes, she knew that she had to do everything her in power to protect her son from what she experienced growing up and showing him what unconditional love meant.
Andrew arrived at the hospital the next morning with flowers and a teddy bear in hand, Shelby determined to do her best to make it work now with him for Everett’s sake. As he held his son, he promised Shelby he would do better, be better. Shelby just shook her head, wanting more than anything to believe him but not able to shake the sick feeling in her stomach when Andrew looked into her eyes.
Watching Everett grow became the joy of her life, in addition to her teaching. Shelby loved being a mom, settling into the role smoothly. Andrew’s business trips continued to ramp up so Shelby spent most weekends at her family or Dot’s house with her son. Each day, she told herself that this life was enough for her. She thought if she told herself that enough, she would believe it in her soul that she would be fine without true love.
That’s exactly how her life went for the next six years. Andrew’s cheating, drinking and physical and mental abuse became worse and worse. Shelby tried to hide it and keep it behind closed doors, but that became harder and harder the older Everett became. One night Andrew came home past midnight, drunker than Shelby had ever seen him, demanding to know where his dinner was. Standing her ground, she told him dinner happened six hours ago and that he had missed supper again with his family. As soon as those words left her mouth, Andrew shoved her against the wall and started to put his hand around her throat. Everett walked into the kitchen and asked, “Daddy, what are you doing? Mommy, why are you crying?” In that moment, Shelby had enough. She was done swallowing her feelings and promised herself she would never let Andrew hurt her ever again.
She packed her and Everett a bag and went to Dot’s that night. The very next day, she met with a divorce lawyer to begin the process. She knew deep within her heart that she would never go back. Her parents told her they extremely disappointed and begged her to reconsider. Despite her telling them exactly what happened that lead her to her breaking point, her father told her that God would want her to forgive Andrew and she needed to obey him.
With Dot’s encouragement, Shelby began seeing a therapist. She was hesitant at first, but after a few months, she began to look forward to her weekly session. She started seeing and feeling the progress she was making. During one session, her therapist Leah asked her, “So what are you looking for in a partner?” In the course of her life, Shelby can’t remember one single person asking her what she wanted and that question settled deep into her heart as she whispered the name Becca. Leah spent the next six months unpacking what that meant for Shelby, helping her begin to heal from Becca’s death and the religious and homophobic trauma that she had experienced.
One particularly rough session occurred about seven months in when Shelby looked across the room at Leah and asked, “I know my parents won’t accept me, therefore no longer accepting Everett as their grandson. I don’t know if he and I can handle that.” It was an extremely valid statement that Shelby would ultimately have to decide how to handle on her own, with the help of Leah and Dot. Everett loved spending time with his grandma, Aunt Melody and Uncle Spencer.
And that’s exactly where Shelby’s heart was as she glanced over at the finalized divorce papers as Everett came bouncing into her bedroom for cuddles. It was the first day of school and Everett would be joining her friend and co-worker Fatin for first grade, just a few doors down from her classroom. As they walked into school that day hand in hand, Shelby kissed her son on the cheek and assured him that he was going to have an awesome first day.
Fatin found her in teacher’s lounge that morning, “So is little man ready for his first day?”
Shelby beamed, “He is so excited, especially since he is going to be able to see Aunt Fatin everyday. He couldn’t stop talking about it last night. I’m so happy he is going to be in your class.”
“Well I couldn’t be happier either that I will have the opportunity to see Everett’s cute little face everyday. So, how are you doing Shelbs? Have you decided to download any dating apps like Dot and I suggested?” Fatin winked at her.
Shelby sighed. “Not yet. I’ve spoken with my therapist about next steps when working through divorce and custody issues with Andrew, dealing my scars from finally acknowledging Becca’s death and being brave enough to finally be able to tell my family the truth. It’s a lot to think about and deal with.” Shelby had finally told Dot and Fatin that she was attracted to women after a few too many glasses of wine at girls’ night a month back. They had been so supportive and caring since her confession, even encouraging her to download some dating apps and start putting herself out there.
“Just remember no matter what, Dot and I are so proud of you. We love you and we are here to support you and Everett no matter what. If you decide to tell your family and things go to shit, we are your family.” Fatin gave Shelby a quick rub on her shoulder as she left the lounge to head to her classroom.
Right as Fatin left, a new face walked on that Shelby hadn’t seen before that took her breath away. She couldn’t take her eyes off of her from the first instant she laid her eyes on her. She had long, wavy brunette hair and deep brown eyes. She was one of the most beautiful woman that Shelby had ever seen. She had on joggers and a Hopewell Elementary sweatshirt.
Nora, a fourth grade teacher, introduced herself.
“Hi, I’m Toni. The new gym teacher. Nice to meet you,” she said.
Toni. Shelby’s mind was racing with thoughts of her already.
“Welcome to Houston East Elementary. It’s great to have a new, younger gym teacher. We weren’t sure if Mr. Torres was ever going to finally retire, right Shelby?” Nora glanced in her direction.
Right as Shelby was about to respond, her phone started ringing. She glanced down and saw that it was Andrew calling. She knew she had to answer as he was supposed to be picking Everett up from school since she had parent conferences tonight. She quickly excused herself and stepped out in the hallway.
“Hi Andrew,” she huffed into the phone.
He quickly says, “I got called on last minute business trip so I can’t take Everett tonight” and hangs up.
Shelby couldn’t believe how quickly her day could go from amazing to shit with a five second phone call. She sent a quick text to Dot to see if could watch Everett tonight. She had made the decision a few weeks ago to slowly start separating herself from her parents to protect her and Everett from when she knew she would finally have to tell them she is gay. She wanted to protect their hearts as much as she possibly could ahead of time, even though she knew that wasn’t really how it worked. It had only been a few weeks so her parents hadn’t caught on or said anything to her yet but she knew it was a matter of time.
She needed to collect her thoughts and emotions quickly before she had to meet her new group of students for the year. She didn’t want Andrew to ruin this moment for her. He had taken enough from her and honestly any time Everett didn’t have to be with him, she was happy about. Shelby absolutely loved the first day of school. She had spent all summer planning fun ice breakers and activities for her students to participate in to get to know each other. She took three deep breaths and stepped into her classroom to begin the day.
The morning flew by and Shelby’s heart soared as she watched her students interacting with each other during a game she planned. Lunch came and went and she found herself disappointed that she didn’t see Toni in the teacher’s lounge. She had planned to apologize for the phone call earlier and properly introduce herself. The rest of the afternoon past quickly as well. She was thankful when Dot had texted her back saying she was happy to take Everett for the evening.
As the students rushed to their parents cars and busses, Shelby gave Everett a quick hug before putting him in Dot’s car and thanking her profusely again. She walked back over to the bus line to stand next to Fatin and Nora. They all chatted about their days and new students. Nora brought up the new gym teacher and Shelby’s ear perked up quickly.
“Fatin, have you met Toni yet?” Nora asks.
Fatin replies, “Yeah I met her during lunch. She seems great. Total hottie. Sounds like she moved down here from Minnesota. I didn’t get the chance to pry too much but I definitely plan to do so when I have an opportunity.”
Shelby couldn’t explain why but she felt a pit in her stomach at the mention of Fatin talking about Toni looks and wanting to get to know her more. She quickly pushed those thoughts aside and said her goodbyes to the group to get ready for parent conferences. This being her sixth year, she felt much more prepared for all the crazy questions and requests that she expected to get from parents.
Parent conferences went the best they ever had for her. As the last parent left her classroom, Shelby made sure she had her lessons completely ready to go for tomorrow. She knew she wouldn’t really have the opportunity later after she picked up Everett from Dot’s house. Shelby collected her bag and started to head towards the exit. As she was walking past the gym, she thought it was odd she heard someone dribbling a basketball this late. All the parents had left and she assumed all the teachers had left as well with the amount of time she had spent lesson prepping. She opened the doors to the gym and saw Toni shooting a three pointer.
“Oh I’m so sorry,” she said as Toni looked over her way when she heard the door open. “I assumed that I was the last one left in the building, so I thought it was odd for someone to be in the gym this late. That’s when I decided to investigate so here I am,” Shelby rambled. “Where are my manners?” Shelby walked over towards Toni. God, she was so beautiful. She stuck out her hand, “Hi I’m Shelby Goodkind, I teach third grade here. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Hi Shelby. I’m Toni Shalifoe. It’s nice to meet you as well,” Toni said as she shook her hand.
“Sorry for interrupting your game. And sorry about this morning in the teacher’s lounge with the phone call. Welcome to Houston East. As Nora mentioned this morning and I’m sure you have been hearing all day, we are very excited to have you here. How long have you been a gym teacher for?” Shelby asks.
“Basketball has always been my passion so I thought teaching and coaching would be a great combo after my basketball career ended a few years back. This is my third year teaching.” Toni explains.
Shelby felt like a giddy schoolgirl, happy to have officially met Toni. Toni asks Shelby how long she had been teaching as well and Shelby explains she became a teacher right out of college and this was her sixth year. They chatted a few more minutes before Shelby’s watched buzzed with a text from Dot letting her know Everett had fallen asleep on her couch. Shelby knew that was her cue to leave and get over there soon so she could get Everett home and to bed.
“I’m so sorry to cut this short but I really do have to go. Again, it was so nice meeting you and welcome. I really look forward to getting to know you,” Shelby reaches out her hand again.
Toni smirks as she shakes her hand for the second time in five minutes, “Likewise Shelby. Have a good night.”
A few hours later, Shelby settles into bed with a glass of red wine. She pulls up Instagram and immediately starts searching for Toni’s profile. There were only five photos on her page, averaging about one a year since she started it. She knew nothing about her, besides the fact that she moved here from Minnesota and she loves basketball. One caption-less picture from a few years back was one of a girl kissing Toni’s cheek with her arms around her waist. Shelby closed her phone, thoughts of Toni swirling around her mind.
She was happy with the direction her life was finally starting to head in, but she knew she needed to muster the strength to finally tell her parents about her attraction to women. She was ready to start dating, to go on a first date with a woman. The thought alone made her so nervous and giddy. Perhaps she would take Dot and Fatin’s advice and download a dating app. She knew it may be difficult to meet a woman organically since she was so femme presenting and still getting comfortable being open with her sexuality.