Chapter Text
They say love can turn you strange, make you think about weird things, or even let you do them with no shame. People say that about Kazuya and Eijun a lot, even before they started dating, and they only state it even more when talking about them as a couple.
Not that Kazuya is mad or in denial about it. If anything, he used to think that he had comprehended the concept in its entirety when he noticed his crush on Eijun. Or when he accepted Eijun’s confession. However, he never would have guessed that was just the beginning of the series of absurdities in his life.
As the amount of time that they spent together increased (as much as it was possible, with different majors and circle activities), as their bond strengthened, Kazuya found out that Eijun was capable of being even more obnoxious than he already was. He’s at the receiving end of Eijun’s antics, even more than before, and, somehow, he’s able to put up with the things Eijun had put him through.
It doesn’t mean that he just accepted everything, and it doesn’t mean that he passed through it without complaining or arguing at all, but still, it was amazing that he didn’t end up breaking up or giving up on Eijun after everything that had happened.
Kazuya feels like another ridiculous episode of his life is going to begin. The reason is that Eijun starts getting attached to his comic books again.
First of all, the medium alone is not the problem. It’s one of Eijun’s most prominent interests, with his status as a (part-time, but well-known) member of their university’s manga circle, and dating him comes hand in hand with not judging him for this interest.
However, this time, what Eijun bulk buys and binge reads is BL manga, and his obsession just seems worse than anything that had come and gone before.
Is the genre bothering him? Kazuya doesn’t think so. Eijun has always been open to exploring something new, and that’s not only in terms of reading and watching materials. Kazuya has seen him going through impulsive phases of trying out new hobbies for a few weeks before getting over them.
From gardening on the balcony to exercising to playing computer games, Eijun had tried them all. Focusing on a category of fiction shouldn’t be a concern or an uncommon phenomenon, especially if Kazuya considers the nature of their relationship. They’re gay. It should have made a lot of sense that Eijun gravitated towards stories with idealized gay guys, even more than all the other fads he was into before.
Still, it doesn’t mean it was any less unsettling for him to see Eijun’s descent to this particular rabbit hole.
It may be the ungodly amount of mail delivered to Eijun’s door, as he never saw Eijun make such a big order for a hobby he just started. Or it might be the disregard for Eijun’s shoujo manga collection, as he never saw Eijun not touch them in a good week, not even when he had to study for his quizzes and exams or help out in various circles and event committees.
Either way, he needs to hear out from Eijun about this.
So, on a calm and easy evening, when both of them hang out in Eijun's apartment unit, he decides to confront Eijun about this matter, sitting next to him and asking, "Why are you only into BL these days? Are you getting bored of your usual boy-meets-girl story?"
It took a while for Eijun before he peeks up from his comic book and answers, "Not really. I'm just looking for some variation." He flips through a few pages before he adds, "I've been thinking that it would be better for me to look these up as a reference for romancing and pleasing a guy. Since I’m currently dating a guy who certainly has different needs from the girls in my shoujo manga.”
How nonchalant of him to say so. As if that guy he’s dating isn’t next to him, watching his every single movement and word, only to look at him dirty before complaining, “I can’t believe it took you this long to realize I’m not some damsel in distress or a pining heroine, Eijun.”
Ignoring the blatant insult, Eijun lightens up at Kazuya and exclaims, “So I was right, after all! I can use this as learning material!”
Somehow, it ticks him off, seeing Eijun taking what came from his mouth as a compliment when it’s the furthest thing from praise. It’s even worse when it reminds him of himself, of a habit that had stuck so bad on him, it has started rubbing off on Eijun too. It’s clear as day. It makes him feel like he’s staring at a reflection meant to expose his worst mistakes.
However, he refuses to dwell on it, deciding that staying silent for too long means giving Eijun a false sense of victory.
"Huh? So you're saying that it won't work?"
Like heck I would know, he would have protested, but Eijun would have found a way to argue against that.
So, before continuing his argument, he takes a glimpse at the cover, trying to find a thing he could bring up to disprove Eijun's mistaken belief. A wise man once said, Don’t judge a book by its cover, but Kazuya thinks it’s wiser not to waste his precious rest time on something that wasn’t his cup of tea. Not when romantic tales are well-known for their cliches.
He should be able to figure out the whole plot, or at least the dynamics, by staring at this illustration alone, right?
Drawn in a style that reminded him of the handsome heroes and love interests in other genres, there’s a couple of men with a big size difference, leaning their faces together so close, they’re almost kissing. Or should he have said a man and a boy instead? Since the smaller one seems too cutesy to be an adult, with long blonde hair, those big eyes, and that youthful, mischievous expression, while the bigger one has short dark hair and certainly is more mature and calm-looking.
This could have been nothing but a classic-type BL, right?
Grinning as he found the issue he had with the book, he makes his point, "What makes you think that you can learn how to satisfy me by reading about some random twink?"
"The guy you called some random twink has a name! It’s Aihara-kun! He is the protagonist!" Eijun yells at him like he just disrespected someone's mom. Only to redirect the angry energy to give him a lengthy, unnecessary explanation about the relationship troubles of the manga's couple, "Oh, if only you know that he has a terrible personality. Nakayama-san, the seme, um, love interest here, found him annoying, though they're dating and visiting each other almost every day."
Whoops. That sounds a little bit too messy to be a generic story. The scenario is a little bit too familiar, even; though Kazuya is still in denial about it.
"Are you making all this shit up?"
"Unfortunately, no. There's too much bickering here for my liking when there's not even any important conflict."
Kazuya wonders, where had he ever heard about something like that before? Where has he encountered it, if ever? Shouldn’t it be ironic for Eijun to complain like that and still read the comic, if not for the pretty visuals or the price he had paid for it?
He almost wants to ask Eijun things like, “Do you think we’re not bickering right now?” or, “What is the significance of this discourse on BL manga, specifically this one, in our relationship?”
Yet, he’s quick enough to conclude that it exactly may be why Eijun picked up the title in the first place—assuming that Eijun read summaries or received recommendations, like how he did with other series and books. So he just sits back as Eijun narrates the struggles of the main couple, though he’s not paying attention to the story told most of the time.
The only thing he notices is the vivid, joyful tone of Eijun’s speech, the one he always uses when he speaks of things that became his passions, buzzing on Kazuya’s ears and bringing a pleasant smile to his lips.
The only words he remembers, against his will, are from the striking statement that Eijun made about the so-called romantic story, “However, there was strong chemistry between Nakayama and Aihara. Oh, and our protagonist right here turned out to be sweet and submissive in bed. This artist draws the bed scenes so well, so tasty, they hit all the right buttons with this—”
Does Kazuya happen to hear that part right, or does he have it mistaken with something else?
Well, it’s not like he was naive or stupid, believing that Eijun’s selection of comics or idea of romance, in general, is always innocent, free from impure thoughts and actions. From Eijun’s musings, he has his fair share of knowledge about the existence of sex in shoujo manga, and from their encounters, he has more than enough first-hand experience in being Eijun’s sexual partner. He can say with confidence that those conceptions are far from the truth.
Nor are there any qualms in his heart to admit that he does prefer to be on the receiving end of Eijun’s advances. If anything, it gives him a sense of pride, having someone all over him like that. Yet, at the same time, it also leaves some big questions inside his head:
If Eijun knows that fact better than anyone else could have done, if Eijun knows he should have known, too, is it necessary to announce his findings like it’s a breakthrough discovery to Kazuya? What can he expect from Eijun after bringing up those juicy details from that story? What’s the point of this whole thing, anyway?
“So, Kazuya, I’ve been thinking of experimenting with you,” he drops the word. Along with it, the comic book he has been reading, placing it on the table with more care than he had with most things Kazuya had seen him handle before—including but not limited to: textbooks, the laptop he used to write reports, Kazuya’s engineering toolbox which Eijun brought over to his faculty once, and Kazuya himself, sometimes.
His motions might be gentle; however, Kazuya couldn’t say the same about the thoughts or intentions. Not with his words being a glaring warning. Not with the sharp gaze fixed at him, framing him like a target.
"What kind of experiment? Messing around with me?" Kazuya attempted to maintain a neutral expression when he responded to that statement. It’s a failure since he ended up looking like he was annoyed instead. Well, he is annoyed, after all. It’s just that he thought it would be better for him to act like the outrageous statement didn’t affect him at all.
“Maybe?” As if there's nothing wrong with the idea of messing around with your boyfriend, Eijun throws him a coy look and remarks, “Making a mess out of you, fucking you over and over again until all you can do is scream my name. That sounds so good, isn’t it? What do you think?”
He hates how he doesn’t need to read the manga to suspect that Eijun just stole that line from there. It’s obvious. Eijun himself said that he’s going to use it as a reference. Furthermore, it’s written all over him, from the way he switches his attention from his beloved stories to Kazuya so smoothly, the way he speaks it out loud without a stutter or shame, to the way he tops it off with a self-satisfied smirk.
He hates how he finds himself at a loss for words, and that’s not just because he considered this stunt very stupid. It’s not the first time Eijun has tried this kind of trick, suggesting such nasty things in hopes of getting to sleep with him; automatically, that means that Eijun knows what works with him the best, including this one.
Eijun knows this is one way to win him over, and it’s working.
Still, he doesn’t want to fall for something so shallow. Not when he, unfortunately, still can recall the context of the book. Perhaps, for one time, it’s not so bad being so sharp and attentive about the things he’d rather unsee. Since he can use that to fight off Eijun for the meantime, to retort, “So what you’re trying to imply here is that the next time I piss you off, you’re going to resort to fucking me to oblivion?”
He may be overanalyzing the piece of work, like how those literature majors he overheard at the library during his study sessions have done. But with how Eijun is behaving now, is it still considered overanalyzing?
“Well, I can’t tell you what I’m going to do yet, or it won’t work on you! That’s a secret!” Eijun quickly opposes him, shrieking, “And it’s not only about when I have to resolve a disagreement with you! Do you think that’s the only thing that matters here? Being a lover is a full-time job, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week!”
"Yeah, yeah, what else could it be about, then? You only bring up that thing with me. You know, the bottom with a bad personality and the—"
“The sex? Well, of course! There are so many kinds of scenes and positions I want to try!”
Once again, Kazuya should have remembered that the way Eijun’s mind works is just beyond logic and common sense. That includes how Eijun has no problem presenting himself as a total pervert in front of him. "But it goes beyond that! It's all about the love, and I promise you it will be amazing!" To complete the statement: Eijun is a total pervert who is also an overzealous hopeless romantic.
It’s a lot to take, even when he does acknowledge that both sex and romance tend to be important in their relationship.
"Then, can you give me an example that doesn't involve excessive skinship? I can't appreciate the idea of you wanting to solve all your problems or sway me with that. I'm not that cheap, Eijun."
"Sorry, but I can't. Gotta keep it a surprise for you, Kazuya," Eijun has significantly calmed down from before, but he still insists on keeping his mouth shut about the lovey-dovey parts. The look in his eyes, however, tells him that Eijun has already had his mind on this goal, as he declares, “The only thing I can tell you about it is that I’m gonna make you feel like the most beloved man in the world!”
Okay, but should Eijun finish it off with another line which he must have also pulled out from a comic book? That was over the top, even for Eijun. Not even his pickup lines or his confession gives off this kind of feeling, and that’s the confession Kazuya accepted right there!
For a second, Kazuya wonders, if Eijun’s confession were like that, can he even say yes to that? Unlike Eijun, who always has people from all paths of his life surrounding him, it’s just not that believable for him. No matter how caring and affectionate Eijun is to him, no matter how much energy he has spared to tend to him alone, he is only one person—forget it.
Now, he’s even more bewildered than before. There’s no doubt in him that Eijun will carry on with this plan no matter what, but at the same time, is this even a good idea? Whatever the hell about good, is this even allowed?
Eijun claims he’s going to make a mess out of him, but now, he’s bringing love to the equation, too. It just complicates things.
“So, do you want to agree to this or not?”
It just complicates things even further that Eijun always wants to seek his approval first for everything he’s going to do to him.
Not that he wishes Eijun would just pull him into following his whims without saying a thing, not at all, that would be violating him. Still, he doesn’t like the feeling of having a question hanging over his head when he can’t come up with the correct answer yet. It reminds him of classes where the lecturers like to call names of random students since they call his name often, and when he’s still thinking, they’ll repeat it like he’s not listening. That’s a student’s nightmare.
“Kazuya? Miyuki Kazuya?”
Meanwhile, this comes close enough to be a boyfriend’s nightmare.
He doesn’t hate the idea of being showered with love that much—he shouldn’t even date Eijun in the first place if he does. He’s not against them taking things to the bedroom any time today because, for some odd reason, he’s not entirely mad at Eijun at this moment.
Yet, he understands that Eijun is no longer just asking him about today or tonight. It’s something that may run for days or weeks, and he can’t just give up and give in to anything that may come next, not when he’s not all that impressed with what he has seen of it so far. Not when he knows that Eijun is capable of doing even more shocking things.
At the same time, he feels that if he were to give an immediate rejection will make him look like a weak man, feel like he’s going to back off from a challenge that Eijun just issued to him, even though Eijun is the only one who should have seen this as a challenge instead of him. He’s not the one who has to do things right here, so it’s natural for him to feel like this should have been nothing for him, no matter how unpredictable things might be, no matter if Eijun will always assure him that it’s okay to step back when he’s not sure about something.
“So, Kazuya, do you think I can challenge this? Can we do this? Or…”
Oh, wait, challenge? Something just comes up in Kazuya’s mind, just at the right time. He can feel the corners of his lips rising as he, finally, replies with the perfect answer, “Well, I guess I’d like to see this through first. But you should try something better, Sawamura Eijun.”
“I’ll do my best!”
Of course, that would have fired Eijun up. At least he can guess that much, that Eijun is a persistent person who doesn’t know how to give up on anything he’s seriously pursuing.
Or maybe Eijun is a bit too fired up. Since he has taken his place, shifting closer to Kazuya until their bodies are almost flush against each other, inching his face until they're only a breath away from each other, putting one hand on Kazuya's back as he tries to entice him,
“Now, to begin everything, how about we do one round first?”
Damn, just how much more can Eijun test him? If they were already touching or even kissing, he must have lost it already; he must have let Eijun rail him in this very couch already.
However, he knows best it’s not like that. He could maintain his composure way better than this. He should be the one assessing Eijun’s skills and prowess, instead of the other way around, Eijun with his strength and willpower. He should still resist, play a bit hard to get, not make it too easy—no matter how long it has been since they have gone all the way, no matter how much his whole body yearns for Eijun to hold him.
So he inhales before he fends off Eijun, slipping away from his side as he says, “Remember what I say about not using excessive skinship?”
“Well. I can do it without touching you. If that’s what you’re into.”
It’s unbelievable that Eijun still has a way to dodge that statement. Did he learn it from yet another story?
“Am I into that?” He looks around, purses his lips, and furrows his brows, faking his pondering when he tries to suppress his thoughts from wandering in that direction instead before he laughs mockingly at Eijun. “Does it matter when I don’t want that now? Not at all.”
“Aw, that’s too bad,” Eijun sulks. It’s usually not that serious for him. It’s not an attempt to guilt-trip him since Eijun can take rejections. He just wants to bother Kazuya. What’s concerning is that it comes with a long-winded speech next, “But that’s alright. If I were to follow what I learned from BL so far, everything has to be an expression of love. It’s just that, aren’t we already in love? Are we even having a problem right here?”
“You’re gonna start a problem if you don’t shut up any sooner,” Kazuya retorts, though he doesn't stop there, as his gut feelings have told him that it won’t be enough to shut Eijun up for real. "Speaking of this love thing, I don't know anything, but isn't it supposed to be reserved for special occasions? Or are you reading mangas where they just fuck all the time like rabbits?"
Eijun seems to be taking his sweet time to think about it. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to cause any more trouble, or it’s just because Kazuya gets it right.
"Of course no! Not all of them—no! I'm looking for relationship guides and advices, not jerk-off materials!" Or not, as he continues, “Still, most of the time, something always happens somewhere, though. Some of them don’t even go that far, but a lot of times, there are kisses, hugs, or cuddles—ah, cuddles! Are cuddles alright?”
Is there even a considerate thought when Eijun asked for that? When he's getting Kazuya to compromise on the skinship, seeing through Kazuya and persuading with something that’s—for better or for worse—somehow acceptable for him?
It doesn’t feel forced for Kazuya, and he doesn't detest it entirely.
Even so, he still can't say it's purely his conscience and not some amount of influence from Eijun's side that's making him yield, that’s making him say, "Cuddling is alright, I guess."
Just like that, Kazuya’s letting Eijun rush towards him, letting Eijun drag both of them towards his room. Letting Eijun wrap his arms around Kazuya’s back as they land on the bed, covering their bodies with a warm and fuzzy blanket.
Time flows through them like the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Mostly in silence, though they did get to talk about whatever crosses their mind at the moment. For Eijun, it’s the wild things his friends do. For Kazuya, it’s demeaning comments about how ridiculous those people sound to him and random thoughts about the kinds of stuff around him that he found interesting or annoying, other than Eijun.
The rest becomes a blur for him until he realizes that he has stayed there for hours, doing nothing but relishing in each other’s tender embrace until the night turns late; nothing less and nothing more. No unnecessary contact, not even the slightest brush of Eijun’s hand on him, just as he wished.
It may seem like he has forgotten his concerns and surrendered to the comfort Eijun brings to him since he doesn’t turn away or budge from Eijun at all, only releasing himself once he decides to leave and go back upstairs to his unit. However, even though they’re all huddled up together like this, the truth is that Kazuya still can’t help but worry over what other stupid tactics Eijun will pull off on him next and how he will survive it.