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“Psst!”
Nick tugged his pillow down over his ears.
“Nick! Psst!” Louis’ voice came breaking through the late night silence again.
“Is that subtlety you’re going for Tomlinson? You need to work on it.” Nick mumbled from beneath the pillow, feeling the bed shift as Louis climbed in.
“So I’ve been told. Just didn’t want to startle you.” Louis made it to the head of the bed, turning around and sitting himself down on the pillow. He looked over at Nick in the dull light, all stretched out, one pillow over his head and the covers bunched up around his knees.
“Good night Louis.”
Nick fixed his pillow back the way he liked it and pulled the covers up, and it was mere seconds before Louis’ warm body was nestled against him. He couldn’t really see Louis as it was much too late and much too dark. But he could feel Louis’ small hands settled on his chest, and hear the slight contented sound of his breathing.
“How was your day?” Nick asked, his eyes closed so he wouldn’t give Louis the satisfaction of knowing he was glad to see him.
“Shhhh, we’re sleeping.” Louis giggled.
“I have a photo shoot tomorrow afternoon. Hate those.”
“I like them. I get to see your face in print and take them home and keep them under my bed next to the sex toys.” Louis laughed.
Nick groaned, covering his face even though Louis couldn’t see how much he was blushing, “Is that what I am to you? Something to add to your wank bank? I thought I was special.”
“You are.” Louis sat up, leaning over Nick to kiss him softly. “But a man has needs…”
Before he could even blink, Nick was up and had Louis on his back, straddling the boy’s chest, hand bearing down on him.
“Don’t give me that crap Tomlinson, I will fuck you into this mattress so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. I’ll suck your cock so good you’ll forget your own name.”
Louis had that coy little grin on his face again. It was the worst thing. Nick could never resist it.
“Dare you.” Louis bit at his lip. He ground his hips up into Nick’s groin, revealing that he was already half-hard.
Louis’ eyes had mostly adjusted to the dark by now, so he could see the expression on Nick’s face as he licked his lips, tugged Louis’ shirt up around his torso, and snaked his way down so his head was hovering between Louis’ thighs, and Nick could clearly see the bulge in his pants now. He kissed Louis tentatively against his bare skin.
“You know I never pass on a dare.”
~~~
Nick woke up a bit later than intended the next morning and had to rush to a meeting at the station before heading over to the photo shoot.
Nick hated photo shoots.
Mugging for the camera with friends and taking selfies was one thing. Photo shoots were just weird. The photographer was usually someone he’d never met before, and someone else would choose his outfits for him. He usually looked alright in them, but he could never keep the clothes he liked and sometimes he’d remember the tons of people who’d probably worn these same clothes and it made him feel a bit germ-y. The rooms were also giant, full of equipment and big drapey sheets, sometimes they’d take him somewhere like a pool or make him pose near a penguin. None of it felt right, it was like some Salvador Dali experience. Also, he often found that most of the photos that he himself liked the best were never the ones that got printed.
And after almost every photo shoot, came the interview.
These were less painful. After all, talking was what Nick did for a living. And talking about himself was a favourite pastime, as his radio listeners would attest. But the questions did get repetitive and to this day he couldn’t escape the Harry questions, even if he told them beforehand he didn’t want to talk about Harry. It always came back to him. And they often tried to dig in a bit too personally and Nick certainly didn’t want those parts of his life splashed all over the pages of OK! Magazine.
When the girl interviewing him today asked about boyfriends, he feigned a laugh.
“No.” Nick cleared his throat.
“Just no? Anyone you’ve got your eye on? Anyone you’d like to take out? They may be a reader.”
This girl was determined. She had that look in her eyes, like ‘Come on, you’re not telling me something.’ Nick had gotten far too good at keeping this secret. He didn’t like it one bit. It would’ve been so easy to tell the truth, to say how happy he was with Louis, but he only shook his head.
“No. The radio show keeps me on a pretty particular schedule and I like free time to see my friends and family and do what I want. And well, I’m sort of a bad date. I mean it does kill the mood a bit when you tell someone you have to be in bed by 9. Sound a bit like a mum.”
The girl laughed, “I suppose it does. You’re a very handsome man though, someone will be lucky to have you someday. Thank you very much for talking to us, keep up the good work on the show.” She offered her hand for him to shake and they departed without another word.
Nick turned around to gather up his satchel when his text alert went off.
‘L’ flashed up on the screen.
Chicken cordon bleu?? –L
What? Louis was trying to cook? Nick sighed. If he hurried, he could make the next train, be home in fifteen, and prevent his boyfriend from setting the kitchen on fire.
~~~
When Nick opened the front door of his flat, he could already hear Louis in the kitchen, banging around, and radio on blaring Greg’s show through the speakers. The front room was strewn with Louis’ belongings, which Nick wasn’t too keen on, but it also meant he would probably stay the night.
“What the hell are you doing?” Nick called out. “Chicken cordon bleu? I don’t think I’ve ever eaten it, let alone tried to make it. You do remember you’re a terrible cook, don’t you duck?” Nick popped his head into the kitchen, finding Louis stood next to the stove with a mess all over the countertop and his clothes.
“I saw it on the telly. It didn’t look that hard. I was feeling ambitious.” Louis pouted. “Too much I guess.”
Nick sighed, walking over and lifted up the skillet lid to peer inside. There was something in it that had a round shape, was oozing liquid, and looked burnt. Nick put the lid down again and turned the knob to ‘OFF’.
“I’ll make some macaroni and cheese. You go shower.”
Louis went and scampered off through the house, shedding his dirty clothes in the hallway and dropping them into the laundry hamper. Soon Nick could hear the sound of the rushing shower water, and he proceeded to boil some water on the stovetop and add the pasta to it. About ten minutes later, he was draining the pasta into a bowl when Louis came wandering out into the kitchen, towel wrapped loosely around his waist. In fact it was barely hanging on in the clench of Louis’ fist.
“Don’t drip all over the floor.” Nick whined. “I don’t want to slip and fall.”
Jokingly, Louis removed the towel and wiggled his bum, as if shaking the water off.
Nick smacked Louis’ bare ass with the palm of his hand.
“Can I have some macaroni?” Louis asked.
“Go put your pants on first.”
“Aw you’re no fun. Naked pasta eating is all the rage these days.” Louis giggled as he strutted away. He soon came back this time in his boxer-briefs and a vest, by then Nick had dished out some macaroni into a bowl for him and placed in on the table. Nick scooted into a chair to join him and the two ate in a comfortable silence.
Nick’s giggling soon broke the silence.
“What?” Louis asked.
“I just feel really domestic right now. I think I like it.”
“Well don’t get used to it. I won’t be tied down that easily.” Louis replied, shoveling a fork full of pasta into his mouth.
“I’ve got some of those bondage ropes I borrowed from Aimee if you’d like to be?”
Louis almost choked on his macaroni.
~~~
It was coming up on what would be Nick’s’ one year anniversary with Louis. That is if Louis would allow them to have an anniversary. If Louis would ever tell any living soul they were dating. Harry knew. But Nick figured Harry knew out of necessity. The thing was Nick really loved Louis, this was one of the best relationships he’d ever had. Louis fit into his life strangely well, and Nick was more than happy for the mouthy pop star to come share his bed every night.
Nick didn’t want this to be a secret anymore.
It was while Louis was reluctantly watching Bake-Off with Nick that Nick asked him the question.
“So what do you want to do for our anniversary?”
Without even averting his eyes from the screen Louis responded, “We don’t have an anniversary.”
“Yes we do. It’s this Thursday. I thought maybe you could come on to the show, we’d say it was some promo thing, we’ll chat a bit and we can go to lunch afterwards or maybe out that night…”
Louis hit mute on the remote.
“You want me to come to the studio? And go out with you to lunch? Nick, we’d be seen together. We’d totally get papped.”
“I know.” Nick shrugged.
Louis looked confused, “You know? Nick, people would talk. Can you imagine the rumours?”
“Well maybe we should just tell them you’re my boyfriend.”
Louis’ eyes went wide as he sat back on the couch and looked at Nick, his mouth open a bit flabbergasted. “Are you serious? Management would have my head.”
“Oh come off it Louis, they don’t control you lot as much as you’d have us think and I know it! If you really wanted to come out they’d let you, but I guess you’re just too ashamed to be with me, right?” Nick threw the remote down, getting off the couch, distancing himself.
Louis followed.
“Nick, you’re important to me, and that’s why I don’t want us to come out. Do you know how much hate you’d get on twitter alone?”
“Fuck twitter! I don’t care! I stopped lying about who I was a long time ago, and I love you and I want people to know it!”
“You love me?”
Nick took a deep breath. Louis really was infuriating sometimes.
“Yes.”
This certainly wasn’t an ideal moment to tell Louis how he felt. Nick stood in his underwear in the middle of his living room, Louis’ hair still wet from his shower, the TV blaring an advert for the new series of some ITV show. Louis sighed as he trailed a hand through his hair.
“Nick…” Louis walked over to him, standing on tiptoes, leaning up to grasp Nick’s face between his hands and kiss him. Nick’s hands settled low on his waist, and he smiled at those big blue eyes when Louis looked up at him, “That makes me really happy. I love you too. I do. But…I just can’t come out right now. I’m sorry.”
Nick shook his head, “Yeah, fine, I get it.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No. I know how the music business works…sort of…it’s fine, really. You know whatever.”
Louis’ face softened and he stepped back.
“Thank you. I meant what I said though. I do love you.”
“Yeah duck me too.”
Nick was restless the rest of the night, and could hardly sleep even with Louis curled up beside him.
~~~
Their anniversary came and went, without any big to-do and hardly a mention from either of them at all. The next few weeks, although they should’ve been happy, seemed to be creating a weight on Nick’s mind.
It was Pixie and George that had been his breaking point. Nick was out with the two of them and Pixie invited Nick to Sunday dinner, mentioning that George was bringing his mum. Then she went on to mention who else was coming. Aimee and Ian, Henry and David, and she laughed as she said, “When you going to get a boyfriend Grim? You’re missing all the fun.”
He’d never felt like a third wheel before. But watching them kiss and hold hands and take ridiculous couple selfies that day finally got to him. Because Louis wasn’t there, and he should’ve been.
Nick didn’t go to dinner that Sunday. Louis had already fallen asleep with his head in Nick’s lap. Nick absent-mindedly stroking his hair. Nick looked around the room, the light from the TV casting a soft glow, and he noticed there were fragments of Louis everywhere. His shoes, the mug he always drank from, a ticket from a festival they had been at a few months after they started dating where they fucked behind the stage in the damp grass barely out of sight of passers-by. Nick had yanked Louis’ jeans down and put a hand down his pants to jack him off while he pounded into him and covered Louis’ mouth with his other hand. And Louis had moaned into his palm and kissed him and it had smelled like dirt and rain. It was perfect.
There was a page torn out of a cookbook from the first meal they had tried to prepare. Louis’ had stolen the recipe from Harry, claiming he had watched Harry make it “a hundred times” and he still managed to ruin in. They ordered pizza that night, and Nick hadn’t even been mad at his messy kitchen.
Nick wasn’t at all sure about the decision he had made.
They sat on the couch opposite each other, TV on low in the background playing something Nick really wasn’t interested in. Louis had leaned over and nuzzled into the crook of Nick’s arm where he fit so nicely, Nick petting the tendrils of his hair. He heard Louis sigh contentedly. It was one of his favourite sounds these days.
“Hey duck?”
“Yeah?” Louis said with a sleepy yawn.
“Kiss me?”
Louis didn’t need to be asked twice. His fingers curled into Nick’s hair as the older man pulled him up and held Louis against his chest. Louis tucked his feet up underneath him. Nick’s lips rushed over Louis’ lips, his face, his neck, so the boy was squirming in his grip and rocking into him, already wanting the friction of Nick’s skin against his own.
“Shh shh….easy…I’ve got you.”
Nick pushed Louis’ pants down, getting a handful of his ass, his long fingers rubbing against Louis’ hole and Louis’ breath came out hot on Nick’s face. Nick worked a finger into Louis, slow, curling it back, other hand at Louis’ neck holding him as he whimpered out little mewls. He reached into the end table drawer to find the lube he knew he had left there recently, trying to work around Louis’ rutting.
Louis made eye contact with Nick, his pupils gone dark, lips parted.
“S’good love?” Nick asked.
Louis nodded, “Yeah.” Nick added another finger and Louis groaned loudly, “Are you gonna fuck me?”
“Patience little duck. I want to feel you first.”
Louis rocked himself back on Nick’s hand, those long fingers twisting back and forth slowly and working him open. Louis could feel himself getting hard, his cock growing full against Nick’s stomach. He reached around to touch himself and felt his hand batted away.
“No. It’s not your turn.” Nick smirked as Louis pouted, “I bet I can make you come without even touching your cock.”
Louis whimpered, “I’d really rather you did.”
Nick worked Louis open with three fingers slid tightly into him, and Louis kissed Nick continuously. Louis’ lips were soft and pliant, he melted into Nick easily and Nick licked over the boy’s own tongue so he could taste him. Louis’ throaty whimpers into Nick’s mouth were slowly undoing him.
“Holy shit Lou…”
“I know…what are you waiting for? I’m ready, c’mon… c’mon Nick.”
“Better things you can do with that mouth babe.” And he pulled Louis into another deep kiss, “Now, where’d you put the lube?”
Louis hushed up once Nick was inside him, hugging at Nick’s shoulder, a low moan slipping from his lips. Nick was glad Louis had his face hidden right now, because Nick couldn’t bear to look into those eyes tonight, knowing this well may be the last time he would have Louis like this.
Nick’s hands slid down the length of Louis spine, all the way down to cup his ass cheeks and slip a finger into him. Louis gasped loudly at the extra friction, his moans filling the air as he felt that sensation pooling in his stomach, and he pushed himself up on his heels to look at Nick. Louis rode hard down on Nick’s cock, his body taunt, letting Nick slip out of him and then sinking back down quickly. He bit back his whimpers, but they still came.
“You’re so good for me Louis.”
Nick slid his fingers out and brought his hand around to rub the head of Louis’ cock. A few more upward thrusts and that was all it took, and Louis was coming all over Nick’s hand and his own stomach, fingernails leaving indents in Nick’s shoulder as Louis let out tiny shuddering gasps. Soon after Nick was coming too, and when Louis rolled away from him Nick pulled the condom off and tied it, tossing it in the direction of the bin.
“You’re disgusting.” Louis remarked.
“Don’t point fingers. Yours was the money shot tonight darling.” Nick smirked.
Louis drifted off shortly after, and Nick scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom. Nick would still be awake for hours, tossing and turning. Louis wasn’t sure what time it was when he woke up to the light beaming in, but he rolled over to see Nick laying there staring at the ceiling.
“You okay?” Louis asked. “Did you sleep?”
“Um…no. Not really.” He didn’t want to look at Louis. He really didn’t want too. “We need to talk.”
“Um…alright?”
“I know this isn’t the best time, but are you…um…are you happy with me?”
Louis sat up, pulling the duvet down, “Yeah. Nick, I told you I love you. I meant it. Didn’t you?
“Yes! Of course I meant it. But that’s part of the problem. I may be a lot of things Lou, but I’m not a liar.”
Louis shook his head, “I don’t understand.”
Nick sighed, dropping his arms down, watching Louis eyes, “It’s what I said before. I can’t hide anymore Lou. I told myself I wouldn’t ever do that. I need us to be out.”
“Nick…we discussed this. Do you understand what’s expected of me? Do you know how unfair that is?”
“To you or me?”
Louis looked so distressed, he looked around the room like he didn’t know where to go. He suddenly felt boxed in. “Are you fucking serious?! I’m risking so much for you already! I only told Harry about us because as your friend he would’ve figured it out anyway, but I didn’t even want to tell him. Nick, listen to me, we cannot go public.”
Nick groaned, hands raking through his hair, “Why? You’re an adult Louis. They don’t control you.”
“I’m responsible for other people!”
“Well stop trying to be the hero and let them take care of themselves! The other boys do whatever the fuck they want. I know some of them parade around about it too, like idiots. And at this point Harold has pretty much nailed his freak flag to the wall. But then here’s Louis, still with his guard up. It’s so shit Lou and you know it!”
“Nick!” Louis’ voice broke. “It doesn’t have to affect us.”
“But it does. I want to be with someone who doesn’t have to sneak over to my house in dark glasses. I want someone who will walk down the street with me or won’t worry about kissing me in front of an open window. Loving you is exhausting Louis. I don’t want you to be a secret. If that’s how it has to be then…”
“Then what? You’re breaking up with me?”
“Louis I don't want to be with you...if this is the way I have to be with you.” Nick shook his head.
Louis was silent. Letting the words sink in.
They went back to sleep without another word, and before they would allow any tears to be shed. Nick hugged arms around himself, feeling like someone had punched him. After work that morning, Nick called Aimee claiming that he needed to go out tonight, but he wouldn’t say why. Aimee would get it out of him eventually, but Louis' name was never mentioned.
Nick would come home that afternoon to all of Louis’ things gone. He had taken the mug too.
~~~
7 years later
Nick groaned, head in his hands, looking up at Fiona.
“Why did we say I would do this? I don’t know the first thing about football, we know that.”
“Come on!” Fiona urged him, “It’s your last year doing breakfast, you have to make the last year really special.”
“I already beat Moyles’ record as host. I’m good.”
“So why don’t you just quit now?” Ian asked.
“No! Still got 4 months left!” Nick whined, whirling around in his chair. Even now, nearing the age of 40, Nick hadn’t changed. He got excited over guests, he was passionate about the music, he still had a loyal fan base that retained a lot of its younger listeners because people who grew up with him brought in cousins, friends, siblings, and it lowered the age demographic. The tumblr fandom was even still there, new people, some older ones that stuck around like an oddly loyal dog. But Nick was getting offers left and right to host other shows, do other things. He couldn’t juggle it all. Plus he was reaching that point where he felt like he needed to pass the baton as it were. The team had mutually decided they would all end the show together, after this long none of them wanted to stay on without the other three.
“I just think…after 9 years, doing everything from that disastrous football match back in 2013 to the time three years ago when Finchy decided I should vlog my holiday and we learned how bad I am at snowboarding. I just think the public would realize that sport and I do not mix.”
“I think you should go.” Matt said.
Nick groaned again, “Fincham!! I don’t want too!”
“Rumour has it David Beckham might be there.”
“Might. And besides that he’s like 50 now. Too old. Not interested.”
“Nicholas you’re almost 40.”
“Almost.” Nick hopped out of his chair, walking over to Matt to peer over his shoulder at the email he was sending. “What is it I have to do again?”
“Just co-announce the game. It’s a celebrity charity match. Some of your favourite people will be there. Olly Murs, Example, Ollie Locke…it’ll be fun. We’ll do the show from there in the morning too.”
“Alright, I suppose. Do I have to wear a suit or owt?”
“Um…” Matt looked Nick up and down. He had just gotten better with age really. Ian had even more of his salt-and-pepper hair, Matt was sporting scruff most often these days, but aside from a few crinkles around his eyes, and something that made his face look more distinguished, Nick looked like Nick.
“No, just look nice alright? It’s broadcast on TV too.”
“It’s on television? Fincham!”
~~~
The show that morning had gone smoothly and now it was time for the match. Nick had changed into a blue button-down and black trousers, and he looked terribly smart Fiona told him, as she watched him get micced for the cameras. He nervously looked over at her.
“Are we sure about this Fifi?”
Fiona nodded, “You’re a professional Nick. You’ll be fine.”
“I’m not a professional this. I’m a radio presenter.”
Nick looked to his co-host, an experience sports announcer named Guy Drummond. He was a rather smart looking man in a suit with dark hair who was a good 6 inches shorter than Nick, and an assistant or someone was currently lint rolling his suit for him.
“Sorry if I’m terrible.” Nick said.
Guy assured him he would be fine, but not before Matt scurried in with notes for Nick written on a paper.
“I know it’s not the show, but you’ve been so nervous about this, I thought maybe if you had a little help. I just jotted down some basic things, you know, players’ names, common football knowledge, just to help.”
“My hero Fincham.” Nick smiled.
Matt gave him a thumbs up, and followed Fiona out of the box to watch the game from down in the stands. As the camera crew was hurrying for last minute prep, Nick skimmed over the paper Matt had given him. Most of the names were familiar to Nick, as Matt had said they were mostly celebrities, several of whom had reached that ‘comeback’ age.
Nick froze when he reached the final name on the list.
There glaring at him, next to number 28, was the name Louis Tomlinson.
Down on the pitch, as Louis pulled on his football boots and brushed his fringe away, he commented to a nearby player, “Games broadcast on telly right?”
“Yeah.” The other man responded. “Hopefully a lot of people watch and we’ll raise a lot of money. Nick Grimshaw’s co-announcing too, so maybe that’ll pull them in. He’s popular isn’t he?”
Louis had stopped listening.
“Oi! You alright Tomlinson?”
“Hmm? Yeah yeah, I’m good, I’m ready.”
Louis turned to look up at the announcer box, feeling his heart start to flutter.
~~
Louis played to his best ability throughout the game. Harry, Niall, and Liam were in the crowd somewhere, opting to not draw attention to themselves as today was more about what Louis was doing. Louis finally caught site of them near half time, and Niall waved like the weirdo fan boy he had always been, but Louis barely gave them half a wave back, his mind was elsewhere.
“Did he see us?” Niall asked.
“Yeah, he’s just distracted is all.” Harry responded.
Louis couldn’t stop thinking about Nick being up in that box. And if they won there was every chance he would come down to the field. Louis would have to stand there lined up with everyone else while Nick had a casual chat five feet away from him, and he tried not to get a sweat on. His head snapped up as he heard a whistle, and looked up to one of his teammates signaling for him to go further down the field for this next play.
Nick’s voice came through the speakers, describing the scene.
‘Since when does Nick know fuck-all about football?’ Louis thought.
Up in the box, Nick could see Louis’ running down the field, and he turned to Guy.
“You know I don’t know that much about the game. Maybe you should handle the second half a bit more, eh?”
“Nonsense Nick, you’re doing fine. Everyone’s playing really well you think?”
“Yeah. It looks good.”
“What do you think about these guys playing? I mean there are some really familiar names out there. Louis Tomlinson from One Direction fame is number 28. He’s been killer tonight, don’t you think.”
“Yeah, Louis is….great. He’s really doing a good job. He’s great.”
“And it looks like he’s about to score here.”
The noise in the crowd grew excited as Louis weaved in and out of the other team, keeping the ball steady as he ran toward the goal. Louis was so close to scoring and everyone had started to stand and cheer with excitement. Louis found his opening and kicked the ball hard, watching the goal keeper jump to block it. The ball scooted in at the very corner and landed in the net, registering them a goal.
Louis beamed at his accomplishment.
The crowd all cheered loudly.
“Yes!!!” Guy screamed into the mic, “Tomlinson makes a beautiful goal there! How good was that? You were right about this kid Nick, he is pretty great.”
Nick nodded, “Yeah, he is.”
~~~
They ended up losing the match, 3-2, and as soon as Louis left the locker room the boys were down on the field to meet him. He threw his backpack on over his shoulder, and pulled each one of the boys into a hug as he greeted them.
“Good game Lou.” Liam said.
“Thanks. Too bad though.”
“Yeah but you made the best goal.” Harry exclaimed, “It was well played. I’d say that deserves a lunch. On me.”
Louis chuckled, “No thanks Haz, I think I’m just going to go home.”
“Aw come on Tommo, come out with us.” Niall urged, slinging an arm around Louis’ shoulder.
“Later this week, alright? I’m really knackered Niall.”
“Ok, ok, we’ll take a rain check. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye Lou.” Harry hugged his friend.
When Louis met his car out front, he gave the driver the address where he wanted to be dropped off, and they sped off through the streets of London.
~~~
Nick had gone straight home after the match and gotten into the shower. The water rushing over his skin was not only a relief from the summer heat, but also from his mind.
Louis had been right there. Louis running in his football kit. Louis’ tanned slim legs. Louis’ hair just a bit shaggy for that he kept his fringe back with a headband. Louis being all sweaty and athletic.
After Nick felt thoroughly cleansed as it were, he grabbed a towel off the rack and tied it around his waist, traipsing back to his kitchen to get something out for dinner. He had pulled out some chicken and greens when the doorbell rang. He looked down at his attire, not ideal for answering doors, but he figured it was probably a mate and they would no doubt have seen him in far worse.
When Nick opened the door, Louis Tomlinson’s big blue eyes were looking back at him.
He nearly dropped his towel.
“Louis!”
“Hi. Um…sorry I should’ve called. I was just nervous, thought it would be easier if I just came by. I had them drop me off, but this is awkward, you’re busy, I’ll go…” Louis rattled off.
“No!” Nick cleared his throat, a hand grasping his towel to keep it in place, “No. You can come in…if you want. Making dinner.”
“I don’t want to interrupt.”
“No you’re fine. Come in.”
Nick stepped back so he could open the door, watching Louis as he crossed the threshold. It was suddenly 7 years ago, Louis was 22 years old and bounding into Nick’s house having just gotten home for a tour break and snuck over late at night. He would’ve jumped on Nick and kissed him immediately, slender arms slung around his neck, and that familiar cheeky giggle murmured into his ear. There were mornings Nick would have to pry himself away from Louis’ arms to go to work. And nights he was up far too late, kissing Louis like he would disappear. And then one day he did.
Louis sat down on the couch, and Nick’s flashback was Louis playing with Puppy. Louis had been away when she died, he’d always felt bad about that. Nick closed the door and quickly gathered himself together.
“Do you want a cup of tea? Water or summat?”
Louis chuckled, “Wow. You’re so…you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I can’t believe it’s been 7 years because you haven’t changed at all. Even your face looks the same. You’re not old yet Grimshaw.”
“Thanks…I think. I should get dressed.”
Nick wandered to the bathroom, turning to the wall to catch his breath. Watching Louis running around on the pitch from a distance was one thing. Now he was sat on his couch. This was a lot for Nick to process in one day, and he still had to make sure his dinner didn’t burn.
“You played really well.” Nick called from the bathroom.
“You announced really well.” Louis replied.
Nick peered out and Louis was just sat there, legs crossed, looking around like he was taking it in, and glancing at the magazines on the coffee table and the framed photos. His eyes fell on one of Nick and an ex-boyfriend that he still had up.
“Who’s that?”
“Who?” Nick asked, emerging from the bathroom as he pulled his shirt down over his head.
“The blonde. This one.” Louis pointed the photo out.
“Oh…Robbie. Ex. Robbie.”
“Was it serious?”
Nick shrugged, “Not serious enough obviously. 3 years. We lived together, so I suppose it wasn’t casual. He wanted to go live in India, travel around, asked me to quit the show but I told him I loved the show I couldn’t just walk out on it. So he broke up with me. Sad story.” Nick’s gaze fell back on Louis who was watching him intently, “Sorry, didn’t mean to trip down memory lane there.”
“It’s fine. You’re uh…you’re leaving breakfast soon yeah?”
“4 more months.” He paused, “How did you know that?”
“I pay attention Nick, I have been around. So what are you going to do?”
“Dunno.” Nick turned to go to the kitchen, opting to switch off the stove and finish cooking later, as his mind was not on eating at all right now. He walked back into the living room, every time he left and returned he thought maybe Louis wouldn’t be sitting on his couch. Like maybe he had imagined Louis. Maybe Louis was some delirious fever dream from being in that hot box all afternoon. But no, he was actually here, his headband was still on, and if Zac Efron himself had walked through Nick’s door at that moment Nick wouldn’t have even noticed.
“Sorry, I have interrupted your dinner. I’ll go.”
“No!” Nick bit his tongue. He was 37 and still his boyish anxiousness got the best of him. Matt would scold him for it every day. “I mean…I’m not telling you to go.”
“I know.” Louis stood, “I’m telling myself to go. It’s ok, I just wanted to stop by and see you and…I saw you. You look good Nick.”
Nick quirked an eyebrow. That didn’t sound like Louis.
“Your hair is atrocious, but you look good.”
That sounded like Louis.
“Hey Tomlinson, my hair is in perfect condition. I still have all of it. Will you in another 7 years?”
“I might not have all my hair in 7 years, but hey, you’ll be a granddad by then.” Louis playfully reached out to smack Nick’s face. Nick caught Louis’ wrist in his hand.
Oh for all the strength in the world he could’ve kissed him then and there.
Instead, Nick pushed him toward the door.
“Well get out then.”
“You’re alright though?”
Nick rolled his eyes, “I’m an adult Lewis.” He hissed out his name with a sarcastic tone. “Yes, I’m fine. Nice to see you. Now fuck off.”
With a final wave, and nothing more, Louis let himself the front door and turned off the step outside Nick’s flat.
~~~
It was another few days and one awkward conversation with Harry before Nick got Louis’ number and the courage to call him up and ask him to come over again. He had to leave an awkward voicemail and was sure Louis would just delete it, but later that night about 7:30 his doorbell rang, and there he was again.
“Hi.” Louis greeted Nick, “I….”
“Shut up Tomlinson.” Nick grabbed Louis by his shirt and pulled him into the flat, pressing him up against the wall and kissing him slowly and passionately, making up for all those missed kisses. Louis kissed back with the same enthusiasm, his hands hooked around the back of Nick’s neck, and soft moans coming from his lips as Nick licked inside his mouth.
“Bedroom. Bedroom.” Louis panted.
Nick didn’t need to be told twice. Louis knew the way, but he let Nick lead, pulling at his clothes, gripping his hair and kissing spaces on Louis’ skin where he was warm. It had been too fucking long. Louis hungrily made for Nick’s mouth, his moans unabashed as he let Nick know how much he wanted this. When they got to the bed, Nick practically fell into it, dragging Louis down on top of him. Louis stopped and sat back, smiling at the man laid underneath him.
“You’re such an asshole.” He grinned, and dove back for another kiss.
Nick grabbed Louis shoulders and pushed him back, rolling over so he was on top and Louis’ smile beamed back at him. Louis had missed this bed, he had missed Nick, he felt like he couldn’t touch Nick enough right now and Louis grabbed for his shirt, pulling it up.
“Get your fucking clothes off.”
As Louis got his own clothing off, he looked down to see the outline of Nick’s cock visible through his trousers and Louis longed to wrap his hands around him and touch him and make him whimper and come and beg. Louis always liked when Nick let him have control.
When they were both naked Louis let his eyes fall over Nick, ever so self-conscious Louis could tell by the way he held himself.
Louis took a deep breath as Nick wrapped lips around his cock, sucking at him slowly, lapping kitten-licks at the head and breathing hot against his thighs. Louis moaned and Nick smiled against the boy’s skin.
“I missed that sound.” He muttered.
“Fucking shut u…uggh ahh ahhh…” Louis gasped, Nick’s giant hands splayed on either sides of his legs, head tucked down as he licked into Louis. Long fingers soon replaced Nick’s tongue, pushing into Louis’ tight hole, curling back and stroking inside him. Louis’ back arched off the bed, his thighs quivering as Nick’s wet warm tongue continued sending tingles up his spine.
Nick stopped, and though Louis could catch his breath for a moment, he wasn’t pleased.
“Damn it Tomlinson, look at you. “ Nick said, sitting up on his knees so he could look down. “Look at…all of you…” Nick reached and trailed a finger down Louis’ torso, stopping where his hipbones stuck out. “You always were a pleasure to look at. Piece of bloody artwork.”
“Your sweet talk isn’t going to fuck me Nick.”
Nick laughed, “Always charming too.”
Louis sat up and grabbed at Nick’s hair, practically biting at the skin around Nick’s ears, “Want you inside me. Want you inside me now.”
“I missed you so fucking much you little shit.”
Louis let himself fall back onto the pillows, Nick kneeling over him. The blankets were crumpled around them, and Louis looking up, watching Nick watch him. He smiled up at the older man, “Yeah? Prove it.”
(2 months later)
The barking combined with the knocking on the door in the early morning hours was not what Louis had in mind for a restful day off. He groaned and wrapped himself up in blankets and trudged to the front door, peering out the window cautiously just in case it was someone he didn’t want to explain his presence too. But no, it was Nick.
Louis unlocked the door.
“Thanks duck.” Nick said upon barging in, “Forgot my key.” He turned back to look over Louis, blanket hung off one shoulder, draped around his feet, hair tousled from sleep. “Did you just wake up?”
“Lie-in day innit?” Louis replied.
“Must be nice.” Nick smirked, “Being a pop star with no responsibilities. Sorry, former pop star.”
“Shut up.” Louis turned to wander back upstairs, but Nick grabbed the blanket he had wrapped himself in and made to pull it away, leaving a naked Louis Tomlinson stood in his living room. He had more tattoos now than he had at 22, a full sleeve, a quarter sleeve on his other arm, his chest tattoo had been added too with a Sun and a Moon on either side, as well as some on his shoulders and one low on his hip that Nick liked to kiss at. He was small and toned and compact, looking a bit more rugged than his boyband persona, but he was still soft little Louis underneath it all. Nick loved how Louis always remained authentic.
“You’re staring.”
“Yeah. Can’t help it.” Nick picked the blanket up and handed it back to Louis, pulling him in for a kiss. “Do you work tonight?”
Louis nodded, “Gotta go in to the studio. Doing some production stuff with Liam. Thought I’d have a shower first.”
“Can I join you?”
Louis playfully pushed Nick away, “No. You’ll distract me. They’ll yell at me if I’m not on time.”
“You liar.” Nick smacked at Louis’ bum as he walked past. “Fine then. I’ve got to go down to ITV and interview with that new nighttime show this afternoon anyway. Are you coming back tonight?”
Louis bent down, cupping Nick’s face in his hands and pressing a kiss to his mouth. Nick stared back with a lop-sided grin.
“Leave the door unlocked around 9:30.”
Nick bit at his lip and waved Louis off, falling back into his couch and staring up at the ceiling.
~~~
No one aside from Harry had known about Nick and Louis’ relationship back then. At this point in his life, telling his friends about a past relationship was probably pointless. But Louis was suddenly there again. Nick wasn’t about to run to Harry proclaiming he was still in love with his best friend, true as It may be, so after Showquizness while the team took a short break from being on air, Nick walked into the studio, faded all of the mics and declared.
“I have a secret to tell you.”
Everyone’s ears perked up. Matt lowered his cereal bowl.
“What?” Fiona inquired, “You’ve got a wife and kids in Canada?”
“You make extra cash as a stripper?” Ian suggested, “I mean you’ve still got the legs for it.”
“I’m serious Ian.”
“So am I.” Ian took a seat on the couch.
Nick rolled his eyes, then taking a deep breath, looking down at the floor then back up at his coworkers.
“I’ve been seeing Louis Tomlinson.”
Matt spat out his cereal.
“We started hooking up again.”
Nick was cringing on the inside, but trying to maintain his composure on the outside as his friends all starred at him in stunned silence.
“Are you serious?” Ian asked.
“Yes. Is that surprising?”
“It’s….Louis Tomlinson.” Matt said, “If you had said Harry Styles I’d have been like, alright. But…Louis?”
“I would’ve been less surprised at the wife and kids.” Fiona said, “Wait…did you say again?”
“It happened before, when I was 29 or 30. Between then…for just over a year.”
“You dated Louis Tomlinson for a year and we didn’t know?” Matt asked.
“No one knew. Except Harry. But we only told him because we both figured it was only a matter of time before he caught us…”
“OH!!!” everyone groaned loudly, while Nick couldn’t wipe his stupid smile off his face.
“How charming.” Matt muttered.
Nick giggled in reply. The song was winding down so he had to jump back on the mic a moment, figured it would give everyone a minute or two to process the information they had just learned. As soon as he had another two tracks lined up, Nick was spun around in his chair by Fiona who put one foot up on the chair and glared at him.
“So...when’s the wedding?”
“Fiona!”
“Nicholas Grimshaw, you cheeky bastard, you’re in love with him!”
“I never said that!”
“You are!” Fiona looked far too proud of herself, as if she had made some big discovery. Meanwhile Nick just gawked at her.
“Yes you are.” Matt piped in.
“Oh my god.” Ian joined, “Louis was playing in the football match last month. Was that like your meet-cute?”
“No. There was no meet-cute. He might’ve come over afterward.” Nick fidgeted with his fingers, casting his eyes down.
“Ooooo.” Fiona squealed excitedly, “And?”
Nick shrugged, “Nothing. Was fixing my tea. We chatted a bit, then he left.”
“And then?” Ian asked.
Nick made a lewd gesture with his hands and then held them in a heart shape.
“Oh! Nick! This is great! You have to tell him how you feel. You two can rekindle your romance.” Fiona urged.
Nick hesitated, “No, I can’t. I need to end it. I’m too old for these games, and I can’t have a boyfriend who still plays it straight.”
“Louis Tomlinson came out as bisexual like two years ago.” Ian said.
“What?” Nick sat up, “No he didn’t. I would’ve heard.”
“Yeah, he did, I remember reading about it. It was after 1D split up so it wasn’t as big a to-do as it might’ve been. And of course, not knowing that you two had been involved, I never told you, figured you didn’t care either way."
“Wha…but…Harry never said anything.” Nick said, a bit perplexed.
“Not his job to tell you was it?” Ian asked.
Nick had to get back on air and the topic didn’t come up again for the rest of the show, but it was certainly on Nick’s mind. After they wrapped for the day, Fiona caught Nick standing in the live lounge staring at his phone.
“You should call him.”
“Hmm?” Nick looked up, “Oh, I was thinking of calling Harry actually.”
“Do that.” Fiona said, reaching over and tapping the phone screen, “And then tell him about your Louis situation.”
“I do not have a Louis situation.”
But Nick knew he was lying through his teeth.
~~~
When Harry got to Nick’s place, he had a bottle of wine in one hand, and a plastic bag with various food items in his hand. Harry knew Nick’s kitchen was never well stocked. He didn’t know how he survived sometimes honestly. He knocked, but went in without waiting as he always did.
“Grim?” Harry called out.
Nick was in his bedroom, giving his hair one last check in the mirror before he hurried out.
“Oh good, you brought alcohol. Although, at the rate I’m going, I’ll need something a lot stronger than this. You want a glass?” Nick took the wine bottle into the kitchen and made for the corkscrew to open it immediately. He poured Harry half a glass and then nearly a full one for himself and started drinking.
“Slow down! What’s the matter?” Harry exclaimed, gaping as Nick took a breath and set his glass down.
“I’m a mess Harold, that’s what’s the matter. No thanks to your friend Louis. Who, by the way, never mentioned his little coming out announcement about two years back. I had to find out via Ian. Tell him thanks for that.”
Harry’s eyes went soft, his expression trying to be reassuring, “Louis’ coming out was really low key. It was after the split. He wanted it that way. I didn’t know you weren’t aware…well because I never brought Louis up after you guys broke up. I know how hard you took it. Remember?”
Nick did remember. Harry came over the night Louis had gone because Nick hadn’t been answering any of his texts. Harry found Nick blaring music throughout the house, which Harry knew was his way of distracting himself from the matter at hand. Nick refused to talk about it, made some snide remarks about Louis in the radio the next day and invoked the wrath of twitter, and then went home, called Harry, and cried. They didn’t speak of it since.
“Yeah well…” Nick looked down, “I didn’t know I was still in love with him until Fiona so graciously pointed it out. I’m still in love with him Harry….and don’t you say a fucking word! No smiles! No I told you so’s! I mean it Harold.”
Harry had covered his mouth to keep from smiling, though he was sure his eyes were giving him away.
“Alright. Totally serious.”
“We’ve been hooking up for the past couple months.”
Harry beamed, “And you want to put a ring on it?”
“No!” Nick groaned loudly, “I don’t know. Harry, he’s exactly the same person. But better. He’s so Louis now.”
Harry laughed, “What did you say to him?”
Nick gulped down the rest of his wine, “Told him I missed him. Felt wicked emotional. It was terrifying. Harry, I’m in love, with Louis, doesn’t that blow your mind?”
Harry laughed, “What blows my mind is that it took you this long to figure it out? You and Louis were meant from day one. Why do you think I worked so hard trying to get you two to be friends? Which you both had to make so hard."
“Will you call him? Or like…just mention me, see what he says.”
“Oh my god Nick, you’re such a child.”
“I already fucked this up once!”
“Just talk to him. He’s sleeping in your bed.”
Nick paused, “I can’t just…” He groaned, “Harry, you don’t understand.”
Harry’s face was beaming, “You already said it. Louis is the same Louis he’s always been. You don’t have to try and figure him out. Just be you. He wanted you before, he’ll do again.” Harry plopped himself down on Nick’s couch, leaning back to spread out across the cushions and cross his legs. He pulled his phone out, staring at the screen a moment, “In fact…just leave this to me. We’ll have you a boyfriend in no time.”
Nick didn’t ask. But he should have. He knew he should have.
~~~
“Mmmm….” Louis sighed happily against Nick’s neck, pressing kisses down his collarbones, fingers tracing over his skin. “Been a long week. I missed you.”
“Yeah, me too duck.”
Louis sat back, brushing hair from his eyes, his expression stoic. “Could’ve fooled me. What’s with you tonight?”
“Nothing. Just have things on my mind. Ending the show, filming to do, interviews, all a lot of mess really. You’re a welcomed distraction.” He pecked at Louis’ lips.
“Oh! Interview! I almost forgot!” Louis chirped, “Matt asked me to come in for an interview. You get to play big important radio man and talk to me about the charity game and some upcoming projects and bullshit. Don’t worry I’ll make it good.”
“He asked you to…what? When?” Nick asked loudly, pushing Louis away.
“Um…Thursday.”
“Thursday? This Thursday?”
“Yeah.”
Nick bit at his lip. Harry was behind this somehow he knew it.
“And after you get off of work, I’ll already be there, to get you off myself.”
Louis laughed, patting Nick’s leg as he got off the couch and ducked into the kitchen, leaving Nick alone to ponder things. Thursday was in two days. Two more days to figure this out, leave it unspoken or lay his heart on the table, decks, or what have you. He could wring Harry’s neck for this.
Louis didn’t say anything more when he came back, and he fell asleep with his head in Nick’s lap, snoring softly. Nick knew he was doomed. Just knew it. As he raked his fingers through Louis’ dark hair, darker than it was when he was younger. Nick found himself once again dreading the morning, wondering if his time with Louis was slowly counting down.
~~~
There were far more fans waiting outside the station on Thursday than Nick expected. People of all ages. Once a fan, always a fan, Nick supposed. A few of them wanted selfies with him, and several asked when Louis would be arriving. The first hour and a half of the show seem to fly by, and before Nick knew it Fiona was telling him that Louis was on his way up. Nick didn’t know what he expected. Still an entourage. But no, Louis came in with only two other people. Very low key. One was clearly security, a large man with a moustache. The other a more slender man with white blonde hair dressed in a suit. Nick guessed he was a manager or advisor or something like that.
“Good to see you Louis.” Matt greeted.
“Same. Thanks for inviting me. Hi Nick.”
Nick peered over his computer screen, “Hey. Good to see you again.”
The studio was unnaturally quiet.
“We’ll turn the cameras on and start the interview right after the news. Right Nick?” Matt said.
“Yeah, ok.”
The screensavers for the cameras were turned on, and since Nick knew it was safe he walked around the desk to give Louis a hug. Louis hugged back tightly, but briefly. Once they were sat, Nick slipped easily into presenter mode.
“It’s good to see you Louis Tomlinson. How’ve you been since your wonderful performance, of sorts, at the global medley charity match?”
“Good, good. We’re doing another charity function next month during Fashion Week.”
“You’re going then I assume? To Fashion Week?”
“I’ve got a date.” Louis shrugged.
“Oh.” Nick felt a sudden pang of disappointment, “You do? Oh. Um…that’s nice. Yeah. I’m sure I’ll see you there.”
Nick walked back around to his seat as everyone got situated, and he prepared to carry on with the interview. But where was this going now? Louis had a date to an event that was a month away. He had someone else he liked enough to make advanced plans with them. And only days after hooking up with Nick. This apparently didn’t hold as much meaning for Louis. The interview felt a bit awkward to say the least, but Nick knew how to maintain his professionalism, even when he was crumbling inside.
“So what’s next for you then?” Nick asked, “After Fashion Week? Maybe an album? Writing? Producing?”
“Actually I’m thinking of moving to America to produce for a while.”
Nick’s expression fell.
“New York City, if I do go. I like it. Big. Busy. Cold winters. Reminds me of London. I mean, I haven’t decided anything yet, but there’s a record label out there that we dealt with in the past as a band, and I like them and they like me, so it’s a good chance it’ll happen. And there might be an album in the works as well, but I can’t go into details on that just yet.”
“Great. That’s um…that’s great yeah. We’ll be looking forward to that.”
“Oh, and I just wanted to say good luck, with whatever you’re doing after the breakfast show.”
“Thank you Louis.” Nick took a deep breath, “We’ll be back in a minute. Here’s Tina Daheley with the news.”
As soon as the mics were off, Louis stood to shake Nick’ hand, maintain his professional decorum, but Nick didn’t even stop. Just walked right past Louis, and out the studio door. Matt and Fiona exchanged glances, and before either of them could say anything, Louis was pushing past and following Nick out the door.
“Nick!” Louis had to do a little jog to catch up with Nick. His long legs got him far when he was in a hurry. “Nick! Wait!”
“New York?” Nick yelled back, turning around and stopping dead in the middle of the walkway.
“I was going to tell you. I haven’t decided yet. It depends.”
“On what? The date you have next month?”
Louis frowned, “What? No. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“You made a fucking date Louis! With another guy!”
“Yeah. I’m allowed too. We’re not together anymore."
“What about these past months? How many nights have you been at mine? Is the sex just that? It’s nothing? Am I?”
“No of course not, you’re great but…” Louis sucked in a breath. “Nick, we’re not a couple anymore.”
“But I’m still in love with you!” Nick yelled.
He hated when he lost control of his emotions. Hated when he let everyone see him with his guard down. That side of Nick Grimshaw was not for the world. Only for certain people that he trusted. It wasn’t something he wanted to do in the halls of radio 1. And certainly not in front of Louis Tomlinson. Behind them, Matt had walked out, having heard the yelling.
“Nick!” He called to him.
Nick reached up to wipe his eyes, and Matt sighed when he saw the emotions on Nick’s face, “I know you’re upset. But we’ve got an hour and a half of the show left. You’re back on.”
“Play some music then Finchy. I’m going home.”
Matt’s eyes went wide in shock, “Nicholas! This is no time to pout about something you want! You have a radio show to finish! You can cry later. I’m serious, Nick.”
But Nick only shook his head, “You know there were so many times I walked into that studio, and put on a brave face for everyone else. My friends died, my dog died, there were days that I felt so ill I didn’t want to move. The day after that article came out that had so many homophobic comments in it I had to burn the magazine to feel better about myself. I did it. Every time. I put on my brave face. I pretended I was ok, when I was not okay. But I can’t do it this time Matt.” He looked over at Louis, still stood there, “I had to lie about it when we were together Louis, I had to hide how much I loved you, and I blamed myself for you leaving. I pushed you. But seeing you again, it was like nothing had changed. I know you felt the same. I know you, Lou. Seven years doesn’t change that. If you don’t want me back, if you want to go to New York, I can’t stop you. But I can’t walk back into that studio today and pretend I’m ok. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Saying nothing more, Nick rounded the corner to the pop star elevator, and pushed the button to go down.
~~~
Lying on his bed in the middle of the day with the curtains drawn was the most pathetic Nick had ever felt. Harry called, Matt called, Collette called, he had numerous text messages and he had gone on twitter for just a moment to see people were definitely upset and confused about where he had gone. It was nice to know that people cared. But they couldn’t help him.
His thumb hovered over the delete button next to Louis’ name in his contacts.
He felt so stupid, thinking this could work again, after all this time, to believe Louis still held feelings for him. Louis had become a whole new person in ways. He was still the same at his core, but there was something different in him. Something Nick didn’t want to acknowledge, because he wanted his Louis back.
And today he had walked out on the breakfast show. Nick knew he’d be hearing from one of the big bosses about that. They wouldn’t fire him, not this close to his resigning, but he would definitely get an earful from the higher-ups.
He didn’t delete Louis’ number, just switched his phone off and threw it toward the end of the bed, rolling over and pulling the blankets over his head.
~~~
Nick didn’t know how long he had fallen asleep, but he heard the pounding on his front door and flung the blankets off, hurrying down the stairs. He pulled the door open and Louis was stood there.
“Lou?”
“Fuck you! I hate you so much Nick Grimshaw! I really do!” Louis grabbed at Nick’s face and kissed him roughly. Nick could feel tears on his cheeks, but at the moments he wasn’t sure whose tears they were. When Louis pulled away his red-rimmed eyes answered that question.
“Louis…stop…”
“No! Don’t you dare tell me what to do. We’re not together anymore, remember. But you still love me. You think that gives you the right to make me feel this way? I wanted to come back to you Nick. I wanted to come back so many times. And I would start to call you. And I listened to that stupid radio show every single day and let me tell you Matt Fincham is not near as funny as he thinks he is…”
“Louis!” Nick folded his arms across his chest, shaking his hair down beforehand, “What’s the point?”
“Do you think leaving you was easy? Because it fucking wasn’t Nick!” Louis waited for a retort, but Nick was only silent, “Well?”
“I don’t want to do this Lou. I don’t want this to be how I remember you. I want to remember the other parts of you. “Nick grabbed Louis’ arm and pulled him forward so he was up against Nick’s chest, “And when I forget them again, I want you to be there to remind me.” Nick kissed him tentatively and pulled Louis up, Louis wrapping legs around Nick’s torso. Nick grabbed at a handful of Louis’ bum and held him there, tongue dipping into his warm mouth.
Nick carried Louis to the bed, and once he was there Nick took his time slowly unbuttoning down his chest, kissing every bit of him, Louis taking to curling his fingers into Nick’s hair. Louis’ cock was already throbbing, desperate to feel Nick’s hands. He whispered into the other man’s ear.
“Touch me…please…”
“Mmmm….” Nick grinned, loving the way Louis was responding, and he pulled Louis’ trousers off, eyeing the bulge his underwear. Nick leaned down to mouth against Louis’ erection through the fabric, eliciting a whimper from him.
“Nick don’t tease…don’t tease…fuck, just touch me.”
Nick placed a kiss against Louis’ hipbone, “You see duck, this is how I want to remember you.”
Louis bit his lip at the recollection of Nick’s old pet name for him.
Nick finally pulled Louis’ shorts down, and licked at the swollen head of his cock. Louis groaned loudly and nearly felt like he would come right then. There were tears in his eyes. The way Nick’s mouth felt, languishing on his skin, and Nick’s long fingers helping the rest of the way. Louis wanted those fingers inside him, wanted Nick’s tongue inside him, wanted his legs weak and his body trembling and panting and begging for release.
When Louis felt Nick’s mouth warm around him he sighed, like he had been waiting for it, and at long last it was here. But soon his sighs were shudders as Nick’s mouth worked over him, fingers teasing around his hole, barely pushing in so Louis groaned deep down in his throat and bit hard at his lip.
Nick slid his mouth off for a moment, smiling down at the boy, “You haven’t changed you know. Maybe on the outside a bit…but on the inside…” Nick dipped two fingers into him, and Louis’ whimpers got louder, and as Nick curled those fingers back Louis grasped at the sheets, wanting to grab Nick’s other hand but not finding it. “On the inside Lou…you’re still mine. You’ll always be mine.” Nick moved his fingers, and before Louis could complain about that his tongue was there, licking slowly into the boy.
It was slow lavishing licks, like Louis was the sweetest desert. Louis kept his eyes open, watching the ceiling fan above them slowly turn, watching it go in and out of focus. His whole body was going in and out of focus. He felt like the bed was falling away from him, but Nick kept him safe, Nick held him down.
“Wait…wait…” Louis gasped out.
Nick licked at his own lips, taking a breath.
“I want you inside me…want to feel you…”
“But Louis…you can feel me. I’m everywhere inside you.” Nick placed a kiss to Louis’ thighs, “You know me.”
Nick just kept on as he was, his mouth making soft subtle noises against Louis’ skin. Louis’ cock laid heavy against his stomach, dripping come on his skin, and Nick moved up to his hips, kissed every bit of him, and grabbed his cock with quick firm strokes until he was coming hot all over his own stomach and his chest.
Louis shut his eyes, and opened them again only when he felt the cool flannel Nick had laid on him. He sat up.
“What was this for?”
“That’s to wipe your come off yourself.”
Louis rolled his eyes, “No, I mean...” he glanced around the bedroom, “This.”
“This?” Nick asked, “What? You think I lured you over here with my subliminal mind powers just to fuck you? Don’t flatter yourself Tomlinson.” Nick crawled into the bed, pulling the covers up and rolled over, the cool blankets falling across his thighs.
“Is that it then?” Louis asked, his back turned now.
“I’ve told you everything I have to say. What happens next…that’s your decision.”
The next time Nick woke up, Louis was gone.
~~~
The rest of the season went by with no word or sight of Louis. Harry didn’t mention him, and Nick didn’t ask, just like before. Time passed still, and Nick would be wrapping up the breakfast show in only a few short days now. Walking into the studio this particular day made him pause to stand there in the airlock before he continued inside. The door opened, and Ian poked his head out.
“You alright?”
“Feel nervous.”
“Why?” Ian stepped in with him, “It’s not today. Everyone’s got time to settle, and we’re ending it together. It’ll be fine. Change is good.”
Change is good. That’s what Nick had been telling himself for weeks. To move on from Louis. Change is good. Nick was known for his bouncing interests. TV show to TV show, pop star to pop star, one internet sensation to the next, he hardly ever liked something for more than two weeks. And when he did it was big. When he did, well it meant it was time to call up Aimee or Gillian and they would give him some wise lady advice and he could usually figure it out. So after the show today, that’s exactly what he did. He called Aimee.
“I know. You’re in love with Louis Tomlinson.” Aimee responded, not two minutes into the conversation.
Nick gaped down the phone at her.
“Did Ian tell you? I can’t believe…”
“Harry told me.” Aimee said, “Honestly Nicholas, when are you going to get your head out of your ass and let yourself be happy?”
“I am happy. I’ve got everything I ever wanted.”
“Except?” Aimee’s voice went up at the end.
Nick sighed, collapsing into one of his dining chairs and resting his head on his hands, “No one’s ever come close to Louis, Aims. Not Johnny, not Robbie, no one.” He chuckled, “I used to go through moments when I would listen to old One Direction albums in the car on repeat for weeks, and Rob hated it. Started throwing them out. I would get new ones just to piss him off. How pathetic is that?”
“That you tormented your ex by making him listen to a CD of your ex? It’s pretty up there.”
“He didn’t know that though. He probably suspected I’d fucked Harry.”
“The whole of England thinks you’ve fucked Harry love.”
“If only they knew.”
“So that’s it?” Aimee asked, “You’re just going to put your hands up?”
“He won’t talk to me Aimee! It’s been weeks!”
“And before that it was seven years and he came back. So no, I’m not accepting that.”
“Well, accept it because it’s true.”
Aimee smile at him down the phone, hoping he could hear the sincerity in her voice, “I don’t know how, but trust me Nicholas, it’ll all work out.”
~~~
“What Harry?” Louis pulled his headphones down, pencil in hand as he scribbled away some lyrics on a notepad.
“Just talk to him.”
“We already talked. He said I was the one he was waiting on.”
“So! That was your signal Louis! He loves you.”
“He didn’t say that.” Louis asked, pausing and peering up from his writing. Harry thought he saw a spark of hope in his eyes. Louis and Nick were both so stubborn, it was no wonder they were perfect for each other.
Harry sighed, folding his arms across his chest.
“Will you stop it? Pull your head out of your ass and admit that you still have feelings for Grimmy same as he has for you. And that pretty boy model you went out with the other month was pathetic. No one thought you guys were a thing. It was more transparent than when you were dating Eleanor.”
“Leave her out of this.” Louis got up, heading to his kitchen. Harry followed.
“Ok, that was a low blow, sorry. But Lou…” Harry grabbed his arm and turned him around, “I just don’t want to see you throw away a good thing. I’ve known you and Nick for about the same length of time, and I’ve seen you struggle in relationships and paint on your brave face and I’ve seen Nick hold on so tightly to people he barely even liked because he’s scared to death of being alone. And when you two were together, it was like finally, everything was in the right place. Tell me you see that Lou.”
“Harry, I know you mean well. But what Nick and I had…if it was anything it was a long time ago. Yes we reconnected, yes we had a bit of a romp and had some fun. But this isn’t forever Haz. Everything ends. Nick and I had our time. It’s over.”
“Will you at least come to his farewell show? He’d love if you were there.”
“That’ll start the rumour mill turning.”
“Fuck Louis! There will always be rumours! But if you think you’re going to find someone else like Nick, you’re wrong.”
Louis sat blinking up at one of his oldest and closest friends. Harry’s eyes narrowed, scowling, an expression very foreign to Harry’s face. Louis felt so guilty sitting there listening to the things Harry was telling him. Did he love Nick? Did he? He certainly kept running back like he did. Loved falling asleep next to him, waking up in that big bed among all those soft pillows. His heart jumped those nights Nick came in late and tried to sneak in without waking him. And even the stupid things, even the annoying things, they were just extensions of Nick and Louis found them all very endearing. Well…most of them.
Here he was. Louis had to ask himself, what was he running from?
“When’s the party?”
“Friday night.” Harry’s tone changed.
“At Radio 1?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve got numbers for some people there right? Fincham? Fearne?”
“Yeah, what for?”
Louis smiled…smiled like he was 22, a sly grin creeping over his lips and Harry didn’t know how he was supposed to feel but his heart chose to be excited.
“What are you thinking?”
Harry watched as his friend stood, walking around and putting hands on his shoulders where he clapped him solidly on the back, his face much happier than it had been a minute ago.
“This is some straight out of 17 Again bullshit I am about to tell you Harold and I swear if you laugh at me even once I will…”
“No!” Harry eagerly turned, “I won’t laugh I promise. I’m all ears and support.”
And so Louis laid out his plan to win the heart of Nick Grimshaw once and for all.
~~~
Nick had made it through the final show without shedding a tear, but he knew his emotions at the party would be all over the place. His Mum would be there, all his friends and people he had seen in this building every day for years. The party was well on, and Nick had been keeping drinks in his hands in hope of having something to blame his tears on should they happen.
“Someone go tell Annie to only play really happy songs. I don’t want to embarrass myself.”
“Bit emotional?” Matt asked.
“No.” Nick lied.
“I saw Harry. Was he um…alone?” Fiona asked.
Nick shook his head, “Dunno.” The bright flashing lights overhead suddenly became a dim blue, and Nick looked up.
“What’s happened? Why have the lights changed?” Nick asked, looking up and over to the DJ booth where Annie stood. But not behind the decks anymore. She was stood out to the side and someone else, who Nick couldn’t quite see past the entire crowd, was stood in the center next to a microphone that had been placed there. The music started, an upbeat melodic piano tune that Nick didn’t really recognize. But then the person at the mic started singing, and Nick whirled around…he’d know that voice anywhere.
“Hey old lover when you fall asleep, there’s a piece of you in every song I sing…”
Nick started to push through the crowd, passing his drink to Aimee first. He couldn’t see Louis yet, but suddenly he could see everyone else. It was like his brain suddenly became aware of where he was and what he was doing, and who was standing in front of him. Louis hadn’t noticed him yet, but his eyes were scanning the crowd. Nick was stupidly nervous right now.
“…to keep the light on honey is the least that I can do! If I keep running back to you! Your heart is a slow train coming I’m afraid to make my move…if I keep running back to you!...”
Louis looked up and Nick was stood right at the front of the stage, Gillian beside him leaning on his shoulder with a dopey school girl look on her face. Louis had never felt such pressure to finish a song. But it was only because his heart was beating out of his chest.
For the rest of the song, Nick’s eyes never left Louis.
~~~
Nick had lost him after the song. There had been scattered applause. Few people probably realised it was a once world-famous boy bander at the mic. He hadn’t come prepared. He didn’t know what to say, and when Louis appeared like some fairy tale prince out of the crowd Nick hadn’t a moment to think before Louis swiftly moved into Nick’s space and went in for a kiss. It was strange, the way kissing Louis always felt like rewinding a memory. Like in those few short seconds Nick could recall every time he had kissed Louis. He could freeze time, he could bring back that feisty 22 year old boy who buckled under his fingertips. His Louis was always right here.
When they parted, Nick could see eyes on them and he was certain he heard Aimee’s chuckle. But Louis was just stood there beaming at him.
“What was that?” Nick asked through his lop sided grin.
“A kiss. Weren’t you paying attention? Should I do it again?” Louis playfully moved forward and Nick looked away giggling, hand to his chest. He felt Louis reach up and intertwine their fingers. “I owe you an apology. I’m sorry…for everything. For the way it ended before, for being a self-entitled dick, for dropping New York on you and not treating you fairly…” Louis batted his eyes, “I’ve loved you all along and I was just awful about it. And if you want to tell me to fuck off right now I more than deserve it but…Nick, I…”
Louis stopped because Nick was kissing him again. Kissing him hard, hands cupped around his face. Louis thought he felt his feet leave the ground. His breath caught when Nick pulled away.
“You’ve gotten more chatty in your old age you know…talk is cheap Tomlinson.” Nick joked.
“Says you radio man! I think you’ve just sprouted some more grey hairs.” Louis teased, grabbing for Nick’s floppy quiff.
“Yeah but that’s very fashion forward. I pull it off. I’m like the young man’s George Clooney.”
“Clooney is so old now! And so are you.”
“At least I wasn’t in a boyband.”
“Shut up!”
“Make me.”
Louis just stopped, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Nick to cuddle into him. Nick’s arms went around Louis in turn, and Nick was quiet, the steady thump of Louis heartbeat felt against him. He found himself swaying in time with the music.
“What are you going to do now?” Louis asked. “You’re unemployed and you have a very spoiled boyfriend to look after.”
“Boyfriend?” Nick raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah…boyfriend.” Louis voice went soft. “Just a short stop to trophy husband.”
“If anyone in this relationship is the trophy husband it’s me.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“What about New York?” Nick asked.
“Well you don’t have anything keeping you here right now. I was thinking you could come with me. Just for a few months. Sound good?” Louis’ eyes flickered with hope.
“Ahhhh! Nick!” Fiona’s screech came out of nowhere, and suddenly Nick found himself being hugged.
“Hi…hi, Fiona right?” Louis put his hand out to her, “I don’t think we’ve ever properly met. Nick’s told me lots about you.”
Fiona giggled, embarrassingly, but Louis was terribly handsome. Nick put an arm around Louis’ shoulders and pulled him close.
“Fiona, Finchy, you know Louis. My boyfriend.” The word rolled with ease out of Nick’s mouth.
“Good to see you again Louis.” Matt said.
There was a commotion back over at the stage, and Nick heard someone shouting his name. Annie had the microphone in her hands and was scowling in his general direction.
“Where are you Grimshaw? Get up here, we want to take a photo!”
“C’mon gang.” Nick motioned for everyone to follow before grabbing Louis’ hand, “You too duck.”
Louis followed at Nick’s side along with his radio team. Harry came up to join them and some other of Nick’s family and close friends. They clustered together on the stage and someone with a camera stood out front motioning for them all to move closer together. Nick looked over at Louis and quickly noticed his feet.
“Wait a minute, stop, stop.” Nick sighed, “Lou don’t go on your toes. You’re an adult. Just pose normal alright?”
Louis’ pouted his lips.
Nick knew when he was beat, “Come here then, we’ll compromise. I have a feeling I should probably get used to this.”
“You definitely should.” Harry piped in.
Nick and Louis readjusted their poses and through a few more giggles and a patient photographer, the photo was taken and immediately put up on twitter and Instagram. The photo depicted a smiling group of people and in the center of them, a grown adult Louis Tomlinson perched on Nick’s back, happily clinging to his shoulders.
“I kind of like being on top.” Louis whispered into Nick’s ear.
“Yeah well don’t get to cozy.” Nick replied under his breath.
“I think we need to have this conversation.”
“Another time.” Nick shook Louis off and pulled him around, “Like in seven years.” He grabbed Louis into another kiss and there were whoops and cheers all around them blending in with the thumpa-thumpa of the music. Nick grabbed Louis’ hand in his and they kept dancing. His Instagram would be plastered with photos that night, tumblr would have a meltdown, and fans new and old would be squealing over their smart phones at ‘Tomlinshaw’. That was the night Nick Grimshaw broke the internet. He never let Louis forget it.