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Here’s a quick disclaimer that Peter Parker never wanted to break up with MJ. He didn’t, he swears. The breakup hurt him more than it hurt her too, because it was his fault he had to do it. Not to mention the fact that she can move on from it. Michelle Jones isn’t broken and unlovable like he is; she’ll find another someone someday, and hopefully that person won’t be putting her into danger more and more every day they’re with her.
Adjusting to a life post-MJ was difficult, and as much as Peter wishes he could say it got easier with each day, it didn’t. He was with her for just a little under a year and yet he feels her absence everywhere. When he wakes up from a nightmare all that’s there to comfort him is the small teddy bear she got him for Christmas. When the demons that live inside his head decide to wake in the middle of the day he has to find the strength to pick himself back up and half heartedly put himself back together. The lack of his favorite person next to him all the time just reminds him how sad and broken he is. At least with MJ he felt happy despite all of his brokenness. People like him don’t get happy endings, so he might as well get used to the sadness.
But now wasn’t exactly the time to worry about internal brokenness; not when he has eight-year-old Morgan Stark holding his hand in a princess dress practically dragging him towards the Renaissance Faire. He promised Pepper he’d babysit while she, Happy, and May all went on a weekend vacation. What better way to entertain a small child then let them pretend to be royalty?
He shows the security attendant his receipt for the tickets and is given two wristbands before Morgan can drag him past the front gate. Once inside he kneels down in front of Morgan and puts the royal blue wristband around her wrist.
“It’s the same color as the suit Daddy made for Mommy,” she says as she examines the paper wristband.
“Is it?” Peter asks as he tries to blink back any tears that might threaten to form at just the mention of Mister Stark. It's been three years since Tony died, but it still hurts.
“Yup,” she nods confidently. “I want food.”
“Food it is,” Peter says, grateful for the quick change in subject.
They walk throughout the faire and look at the different activities: there’s a hedge maze, a place where they could get their own custom mugs, bags, or Renaissance Faire attire, as well as jousting matches, dancing, and larping, or all three combined.
Morgan spots a corn dog stand and as they make their way towards it, they pass a crowd. Curious, Peter stops to see what they’re looking at.
A circle of men and women dance around in a grove of trees, all dressed up in their attire. Some wear elf and fairy ears, others have more animalistic features, and some even wear no fantastical accessories, larping as princesses or pirates. Peter smiles softly at the sight when he sees a familiar set of curls and his breath hitches.
There, in the middle of the circle, is MJ, laughing and smiling with the rest of the larpers. A flower crown sits sideways on her head as her emerald green dress flurries around her in a circle. The music stops and she spins around and throws flowers out to the little kids in the audience who were watching, still laughing joyfully. MJ stands up straight and adjusts her crown when her eyes catch Peter’s and her smile briefly falters. She says something to one of the other faire attendees before making her way through the crowd towards him.
“Shit,” he mutters. “We gotta go,” Peter picks Morgan up and starts walking towards the corn dog cart.
“Peter, an elf princess is following us!” Morgan squeels excitedly. “Can we say hi?”
“Not right now,” he says quickly, picking up his pace.
“Peter?” MJ’s voice causes him to stop dead in his tracks.
Peter slowly turns around and sets Morgan down. “Hey…” he says awkwardly.
“Didn’t know you were into ren faires,“ MJ crosses her arms. ”Or larping,” she adds, motioning towards his knight’s outfit.
“I’m, I’m not. The costume’s just for Morgan. You looked like you were having fun.”
“I was, am. Is that a problem?”
“No, no, it’s good. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“Don’t know why you’re acting so surprised by that,” she looks down at Morgan before stepping closer to him and whispering, “You do know I can still be happy despite you dumping me right? It’s important to me that you understand I didn’t depend on you, despite whatever your ego may tell you.”
“I-I don’t have an ego, Em.”
“Michelle,” she corrects. “Only my friends call me Em or MJ.”
That stings more than anything else she’s said so far.
“I know you’re mad-”
“Mad?” she scoffs. “I was mad two years ago. I don’t care about you now.”
“Michelle, I’m sorry.” His voice practically breaks and Peter knows his apology doesn’t mean shit to her, but he just needs her to know.
“Sorry’ doesn’t take back what you put me through, Parker.” MJ sighs and uncrosses her arms. “Listen, I need to get back to work. Do yourself a favor and don’t make this awkward for either of us alright?”
Peter nods and MJ turns on her heel and walks back towards the grove. Morgan looks up at him confused but he just shakes his head. “Corn dogs?”
“Yeah,” he says quietly, swallowing the lump that’s formed in his throat.
They order their corn dogs, ketchup on Peter’s and mustard on Morgan’s, and are sitting down to eat them when Morgan spots some ponies. She points at them excitedly with mustard all over her hands and face. “Can I go ride the ponies, Pete?”
“Finish your food first,” he chuckles.
She scarfs the corn dog down faster than any eight-year-old should be able to and runs off towards the horses, with Peter struggling to keep up. Morgan’s bouncing up and down the entire time they wait in line, and when it’s finally Morgan’s turn and Peter sees who’s helping the kids onto the ponies, he’s certain the universe is intentionally screwing him over.
“Are you stalking me?”
“I swear I’m not, Mor just wanted to ride the ponies.” He puts his hands up in defense.
“Hmm,” MJ stares at him for a split second before turning her attention to Morgan and helping her onto one of the ponies. Peter waves before going to sit at one of the benches for parents/older siblings/babysitters. He sighs, shakes his head, and pulls out his phone to call May, who answers almost immediately.
“May, I need your help.”
“What’s wrong?”
“MJ’s here.”
May hesitates. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Peter runs a hand through his hair, swallows the lump in his throat and tries to ignore the burning sensation that comes with trying not to cry. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Just,” she pauses. “Be nice to her, Pete. And give her space. That breakup was brutal.” His aunt’s words cut through him like a knife.
“Yeah… yeah it was.” He tries to push down the memories of MJ’s crumpled face when he told her he was breaking up with her, the way her voice shook when she begged him to reconsider, the tears in her eyes that she tried to hold back but couldn’t, but he is unsuccessful. She texted him every day for a week afterwards, and Peter felt so bad he let his phone die and didn’t recharge it so he didn’t have to see the messages. Ned even tried to talk some sense into him, but Peter pushed him away too.
They all suffered, but suffering and living is better than suffering and death. It was the only way Peter could rationalize what he’d done to his friends.
“Is that Peter?” The voice through the phone snaps him out of his thoughts and Peter looks at the screen to see Pepper standing next to May.
“Hi Miss Potts,” he forces a smile. “Morgan’s riding the ponies right now and we’re going to do a bit of shopping but after that I think Ana will be picking her up.”
“That’s perfect. Thank you again for watching over her.”
“It’s no problem.” As he waves at the phone screen Morgan’s pony ride comes to an end. “I gotta go, thanks, May. I miss you.”
“See you soon,” she smiles as she says it and ends the video call. Peter lifts his head to see MJ helping Morgan off of the pony, holding her hand the whole time before handing her off to Peter. Their eyes meet for a moment and Peter swears he sees her face relax for a moment before she breaks the contact and walks away to help the other children.
“You have fun?” He asks as Morgan takes his hand.
“Eh,” she shrugs. “It was alright. I want a mug now.”
Peter stops. “What do you mean it was alright?”
“It’s just going around in a circle for a minute. Kinda lame in my opinion.” She looks up at him. “Can we go get that mug now?”
“I- sure. But just the mugs, then it’s time to go.”
“Okay.”
They buy way more than just the mugs. By the time Morgan’s nanny Ana arrives to pick her up at the front of the renaissance faire, Peter holds a satchel, wooden mugs, and some trinkets Morgan thought her princess character would enjoy. He gives the items to the small girl as she gets in the car and waves goodbye as she heads off towards her house.
That’s Peter’s cue to begin the long walk towards his own dwelling. He’d take the subway, but his card expired (and he lost it but that’s besides the point) and he can’t get a new one until May gets back. Legally, yeah he could, it’s just that May has some of his information that he needs and he just never got around to asking her where it was.
He’s tired and sweaty by the time Peter gets back to the apartment. He can practically feel a nice cold shower on his skin and a soft pillow under his head when he reaches into his pocket and realizes he locked his key in the apartment. Usually this wouldn’t be a big deal; Peter would use the window to get in, but Peter locked all of the windows before leaving. He can’t call May, can’t try and patch things with Ned because he’s in the Philippines visiting family, his college friends are all on their respective vacations, which leaves MJ.
“Nope,” Peter mutters out loud to himself. “Not gonna do it.” He scrolls through his contacts, hoping there’s somebody in there who he forgot that could help him out, but nope. Even the Stark’s house is too far away for him to even consider them an option.
“Okay,” he sighs. “Looks like I am gonna do it.” He punches in MJ’s number (even though he deleted her from his contacts after the break up out of respect he still had it memorized) and holds the phone to his ear, foot tapping anxiously as he waits for her to pick up.
“Hey this is Michelle.”
“It’s me,” Peter starts. “I kinda got locked out of my apartment?”
It’s quiet from MJ’s side of the phone until Peter hears what he thinks is the faint sound of glass shattering. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but come over.”
Relief floods his system. “Oh thank you, Michelle. I really don’t deserve you.”
“That is the truest thing you’ve said since this afternoon. I’ll text you my address,” she says flatly before hanging up.
Then that’s when Peter realizes exactly what he’s just done. “Oh shit.”
+++
Peter stands outside MJ’s door rocking back and forth from his heels to the pads of his feet trying to build the courage to knock on the door. Wringing his hands in front of him, he holds up a fist, only to immediately drop it and spin around in frustration. Two years ago this would’ve been no big deal, but Peter had to go and ruin his relationship just like he ruins everything else. He’s too busy wallowing in self pity to notice when MJ opens the door and stares down at him. She clears her throat and he looks at her disapproving face. “Get your ass inside before I change my mind,” she says quietly before turning around and walking back inside.
He drops his stuff off in the foyer and looks around. MJ’s house is just like he remembers, homey while empty all at once. There’s a few subtle changes that come with time. The mantle now has a photo of MJ in her cap and gown sitting next to her older sister’s graduation photos. There’s a painting on the wall that wasn’t there a few years ago, and there’s even a dog bed sitting by the fireplace occupied by a peacefully sleeping golden retriever.
“His name’s Lemon,” MJ says from the kitchen. “After DC and the Blip and London and Liberty-” she cuts herself off, shakes her head, and turns around to open the freezer. “I hope you like frozen pizza cause that’s all I have,” she says, changing the subject.
Peter looks away from the sleeping dog towards the kitchen. “Frozen pizza’s fine.” He looks at the clock and spots the time. “Shouldn’t your mom be getting home in an hour?”
The noise in the kitchen comes to a complete halt. The only sound is Peter’s increasing heartbeat and the clock ticking. Suddenly Peter fears he may have just said the wrong thing. “She’s in Canada with my dad and sister,” MJ whispers. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Oh.” Peter already feels terrible, but that just made it ten times worse. “MJ, I’m sor-”
“Michelle,” she corrects sternly. “And I said I don’t want to talk about it. Oh while we’re on the subject of things I don’t want to talk about, don’t mention Kacey, or the breakup, or school, or really anything.” Her eyes are filled with tears and Peter wants nothing more than to jump over the couch and kitchen counter and hug her and tell her everything’s alright but he’s frozen in place.
They stand there in uncomfortable silence until the oven timer goes off and MJ takes the pizza out of it. While she waits for it to cool down and grabs some other food out of the fridge, Peter makes it his job to move the coffee table out of the living room and open up the area in front of the couch. He goes to the linens closet and grabs a few blankets and pillows out and deposits them on the carpeted floor. Grabbing the remote, he turns on Cars 2 , MJ’s favorite movie. She brings the pizza, garlic bread, some soda, and plates and cups over, stopping when she sees what Peter’s done to her living room.
Her entire body relaxes and she grins. It’s the first time she’s smiled at him in two years. The sight causes Peter’s heart to practically leap out of his chest. He’s still so in love with her it hurts. The pain only gets stronger when she sits down on the floor, and motions for him to sit next to her. Peter grabs a slice of pizza and a coke and sits down.
Peter doesn’t know when he lays down on the floor with his head propped up against the pillow, but that’s because he spent most of the movie watching her. He pays more attention to her quoting it instead of the characters. Her laugh at the corny jokes overpowers the actual dialogue. She pulls her knees up to her chest when Lightning McQueen is about to be killed and cheers when Mater saves the day.
When the movie ends, she looks down at him. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry,” Peter blurts out.
MJ’s smile falls. “What?”
“I only wanted to protect you, to keep you from getting hurt. I just hurt you more-” he’s cut off as MJ sits on top of him and pulls him up by the collar so their faces are nearly touching. As his eyes widen in panic Peter has to put a hand behind his back to brace himself as MJ kisses him hard.
“I hate you so much,” she whispers against his mouth.
“I know. It’s okay,” he whispers back as her teeth brush against his bottom lip. His hand steadies her face. MJ’s touch is as intoxicating as he remembers and Peter knows it’s practically poisonous and this reckless behavior between them can only cause more pain but he doesn’t care. He keeps hurting her by simple proximity. She can hurt him back all she wants; it’s what he deserves.
Peter would let a knife go through his heart if it was MJ’s hand on the hilt.
“I hate that I still love you,” she whispers as she kisses his jaw. Despite his heart skipping a beat at the confession Peter doesn’t react. “You crushed me by dumping me and yet my heart still betrays me every time I think about you.” Her hand runs down his arm. “I can’t stop wanting you,” her voice breaks and she lets go of him, standing up and staring at the ceiling as she sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “I hate this so much, Peter. Not just the breakup, everything.”
Peter pushes himself up to his feet and without thinking pulls MJ into a hug. She immediately slumps against him, clutching onto the front of his shirt like a lifeline and stands there crying against him. “You need to talk to someone, Chelle.”
“I don’t trust anyone to talk about my issues with,” she mutters against him. MJ lets go of him and wipes at her eyes before sitting down on the couch and staring into her lap. “It’s been two years. Why can’t I just move on?” She looks up at him, eyes bloodshot but filled with spite. “Why can’t either of us move on?”
Peter glances down at his feet, avoiding eye contact. “You’re the only good thing that’s happened to me. That’s why I guess I can’t move on.”
She stares at him and raises a brow in confusion. “Oh, was that a rhetorical question?” MJ nods.
“Huh, well,” Peter rubs the back of his neck. “I only ever hurt you or put you in danger and I ruined your life. Like I said, I just wanted to protect you,” he doesn’t know why he’s telling her this, why now, after two years she finally gets to hear why exactly he suddenly left her. “That’s why I did it, broke up with you.”
MJ groans and rolls her eyes. “You’re such an idiot, Parker. You think I didn’t know that was a risk that came with you? I didn’t care! Okay? I loved you, and my life was already sucky enough. Hell it still sucks. Trust me you didn’t ruin anything, you only gave me something to look forward to every morning.” She stands up and Peter wonders if he should be worried for his safety but MJ just cups his face in her hands. “Just seeing you smile made all the danger worth it, Peter,” she says softly, and Peter wishes he was Doctor Strange and could simply go back and undo the last two years.
“I never should’ve broken up with you,” he says quietly.
“Yeah no shit, Dummy.”
“Would you hate me if I said I’m still in love with you?”
“I kinda figured that out based on how you kissed me back,” she shrugs. “But no, I don’t hate you.” He opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him off. “I know what I said like four minutes ago, wait was it seriously only four minutes ago?” Peter shrugs. “That’s besides the point. Where do we go from here?”
“Where do you want to go?”
Her face heats up. “I really wanna kiss you again.”
“Go right ahead.”
+++
The sun wakes him up and for a brief moment Peter’s confused as to where he is, before he sees MJ curled up next to him, head resting on his chest, still sleeping. The events of the night before hit him with full force. There was some, okay a lot, more kissing and another Pixar movie but eventually they got tired and MJ said that her bed would be more comfortable than the couch for them to sleep on.
“G’morning,” MJ mutters, snapping Peter out of his memories.
“Morning, Em.” Peter kisses her forehead and she glances up at him, flashing a quick grin that nearly causes his heart to shatter; he's missed her so much. “We need to talk about some things if this is gonna happen again.” He needs to set boundaries to keep her safe, and the sooner he does that the better.
“Later,” she says. “We have plenty of time.”
“I’d rather stay here for a bit longer anyways.”
“See? Later.” She curls back up against him, satisfied at winning the argument.
“Later it is.”
Maybe happy endings do exist for people like Peter.