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Victoria wasn't quite sure what she expected to see when she walked past Rachel's dorm. She could hear the music from her place down the hall. Quiet, but present. It is one of those slow, sappy indie bands she just knew Rachel got from her delinquent friend. Was it Chloe? She didn't really care.
Her original plan was to demand that the awful noise be turned down because she was 'trying to sleep' and it was 'obnoxiously loud'. Of course, neither of those things were true. She didn't really know what drove her out of her room, but she was walking down the hall nonetheless.
When she actually got to the blonde's door, her plans were curbed. It was wide open, and her eyes were met with a very obviously high Rachel dancing around her room to the music. After that, she wasn't quite sure what happened. She just stared. She stared for a second too long. Rachel noticed.
Shit.
"Turn your fucking music off, Amber. Some of us have sleep schedules to keep up with? Jesus." After that display, she quickly turned and left, not bothering to wait for Rachel's reaction. She didn't really mean it.
-
The next time Victoria heard the song, she was on one of her 2 AM 'I hate this town and everyone in it' drives. It happened to come on the radio just as she hit the freeway.
Her hand reached to switch the channel, but faltered. She recognized this.
When the guitar kicked in and the lyrics started up, she knew exactly where from.
Her head was immediately filled with Rachel. Rachel in her ratty old T-shirt, dancing around in the artificial orange light of her room. Rachel's face when she told her to shut up and go to sleep.
Rachel in the morning, half asleep and dragging herself to the shower after a long night spent with the Vortex. How she lit her cigarette and smoked it in front of the mirror, fire alarms having been broken months ago.
Rachel in her element, flitting between groups of people at parties and in class, somehow fitting in with all of them. How effortlessly she could connect with people. How badly Victoria wanted to be one of those people.
She changed the channel.
-
The next time she walked into class, Rachel wasn't there. Thank god. The less time she had to spend watching the entirety of their class pine over her the better. It was pathetic, the way people looked at her as if she could do no wrong. The way they worshipped the ground she walked on, and the way she pretended not to notice.
The lyrics of that song came back to her in a flood. That night. The car ride back to her dorm, trying to think of anything else but being unable to clear her head.
What the fuck was wrong with her?
Of all people that could come up and make her life harder like this, it just had to be Rachel. Of course it did. Because she didn't already have enough problems caused by that bitch.
Everywhere she went, everything she did, (everybody she did) just caused another headache for Victoria.
Victoria auditions for the play. So does Rachel. Rachel gets the lead.
Victoria takes photography. So does Rachel. Rachel receives more praise for her work than Victoria has ever gotten in her life.
Victoria gets closer with Nathan, assuming that she can at least have her best friend to herself if nothing else. She's wrong.
She wrote it all off. Assumed she'd been sleeping her way to the top. Tells people that.
Sure, some of the rumors might be true, but they don't accomplish anything. Rachel just continues on, like nothing can touch her. Like Victoria's pained efforts to make her as miserable as she herself was had gone completely unnoticed.
Victoria left class early that day, with a bullshit excuse about a family emergency.
-
The next time she heard the song, it was played by none other than Rachel Amber herself.
Victoria watched as she made her way to the speaker, batting her eyes and saying whatever she needed to get access to it. It was easy for her. The guy in charge of the music would have jumped off a bridge if Rachel so much as hinted that she wanted him to. Typical.
Pathetic.
The song started up, and Victoria had to stop herself from leaving the room.
Her eyes stayed on Rachel as she ditched the speaker (and the boy in charge of it) and went back to the group of people she was standing with before. She didn't recognize them. That, or she was way too wasted right now.
With as much subtlety as she could manage, she kept her eyes glued to Rachel. The occasional 'yeah' or nod of her head seemed to be enough to make Taylor think she was listening. She knew that Taylor knew better than to ever assume she would.
Victoria finds herself wondering what it would be like to be on the receiving end of Rachel's affections as she actively ignored whatever dull story Taylor was telling. Her hand on your shoulder, eyes locked with yours, attention fully devoted to you and you alone. She wanted that so badly.
Of course, Victoria knew it was all fake. Rachel didn't care about the idiot guys she met at parties, she didn't really care about anyone. They were too similar for her not to see it. The way she'd use people to get what she wanted, and then toss them to the side until they were important again. Victoria used the same tactics on victims of her own. She'd toss in a few nice words and a smile, and suddenly exactly what she wanted would be hers.
The difference between her and Rachel, though, is that people listened to Victoria because they were afraid. They listened to Rachel because they were obsessed. Every word she said and every thing she did left people on the edge of their seats, hopelessly waiting for more. Victoria knew that. She knew it all too well.
That's why when she saw Rachel make her way across the room, it took everything in her not to walk away and ignore the advance. But she stayed. She let Rachel set a hand on her slightly trembling shoulder, let her break down all the defenses Victoria so carefully put up to prevent this exact scenario.
Maybe, if she wasn't the person she was, she could fall for it. Victoria could pretend she didn't see the patterns, and she could let herself fall head over heels for the enigma that is Rachel Amber. Of course, that isn't possible. She knows she's being used for something or other.
And yet she still happily follows Rachel back to her dorm.
-
They didn't do anything but sleep after that party. But still, Victoria found herself back at her dorm after the next one. And the next. And the one after that.
The two girls had fallen into a routine.
Victoria would spend her time at the party watching Rachel work her magic across the room. She'd pass the time drinking with Taylor and Courtney, or lounging somewhere in the VIP section with Nathan. It didn't matter to her what she did, really, because she knew that soon after Rachel would come and find her. They'd go back to her dorm.
They might smoke, watching the stars projected onto the faintly lit ceiling as they floated around. Sometimes, Rachel would talk. She'd just go on and on about whatever she wanted, and then she'd fall asleep. Sometimes, Victoria would do the same thing. Of course, Rachel always ended up falling asleep before she did when that happened. She learned not to be bothered by it after a while.
No matter how much Victoria wanted it to be more, that was all it was. They were rivals by day, constantly competing (for Victoria, constantly losing) against each other in all aspects of day-to-day life. But some nights rolled around, late after parties, when they were both too tired and/or wasted to care about their hatred for each other (Victoria's hatred, Rachel never hated her). Vic became the closest confidante to the shining star of Blackwell Academy.
-
The last time she heard the song was in Rachel's dorm. It was a night similar to the one that took place a few weeks ago, except she was dancing too.
It felt stupid, but at least the door was closed. She could pretend that she wouldn't have to hate the blonde girl in front of her come the morning. They were just normal teenage girls. No rivalry, no competition, just this song that Victoria had grown to love and the girl in front of her with which she had done the same.
Something about the way the light, dim as it was, hit Rachel's face sent a pang of longing through the taller girl's chest. Victoria understood why everyone else would follow her every whim. She understood why she did it, too. No matter how close she got with Rachel, she wanted more. There was no denying that much.
Maybe it was the music, or maybe it was the weed she'd just smoked, but something felt different to Victoria. Something felt off. Rachel was quieter than usual, often choosing to just stare at the wall, or into her dance partner's eyes, instead of speaking.
Victoria wrote it off, assuming she had a hard day. She feared that asking Rachel what was wrong would lead to her sleeping in her own dorm that night. So she kept swaying to the music, and pretended not to notice Rachel's increasingly distant stare.
-
Victoria downloaded that song (Rachel's song) to her phone but couldn't bring herself to play it. She just kept it there, hoping it would come on the next time Rach let her DJ. Hoping it would prove that she cared. Hoping it would make Rachel want to talk to her, next time.
Weeks passed, and she didn't hear a single word from Rachel. Her texts weren't read, and her calls weren't answered. Victoria was left wondering what she did wrong, waiting for a knock on her door that she knew better than to think would ever come.
The next time she saw the blonde haired girl was on a missing poster, and she knew it was going to be the last.