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The silence was anything but welcoming as John gazed up at the ceiling above him.
The silence usually led him to think.
And thinking too hard was a dangerous gamble that he didn’t want to participate in.
He shifted to his side on the creaky mattress to see Ocelot’s bareback rising and falling at an easy pace. Carefully, John brushed his calloused fingers through his soft locks of silver-blonde hair.
Just like hers.
His stomach twisted inside him as he stared at the hair as if it had some malice intent towards him. His eyes drifted down to his spine as his fingers dragged down the bumps one by one. His whole damn form was elegant; his high cheekbones, his crystal blue eyes, his unblemished skin, his naturally silky hair.
It all just reminded him of her.
His breathing stuttered as he tried to hold back the little lump forming in his throat. He didn’t deserve any of this. Not Adam, Not the title of Big Boss, Not any of his ‘praise’ from his troops, Nothing.
It was supposed to be for her damn it.
His hand halted its movement across Ocelot’s back as he stirred with a heavy sigh.
He certainly didn’t have the right to touch Adam like he has, feeding into his masochistic desires. It doesn’t feel right to have his hands around his neck even if it’s what Ocelot wants.
He’s her son. Her own flesh and blood. And he’s treated him as if it was just some one-night stand scenario between them. Leaving bruises, scars even.
He caused that unblemished skin to slowly tear and whither whenever he touched him. Like picking the petals off a rose, leaving only the rough thorns behind.
He watched as Ocelot shifted around so that he was facing him, his eyes heavy with sleep. “You’re up early,” he smiled as he took John’s hand and placed his lips on it.
“John?” Ocelot squinted through the dull moonlight at his counterpart. His eyes widen as he saw a tear trickle its way down his face to the pillow beneath him.
Adam’s mouth parted to say something as he sat up but he was silenced by the hand on his face and the thumb brushing across his chapped lips.
“You should sleep,” John whispered, his voice guttural enough to cover up the waver in his words.
Ocelot drew his brows in concern as he scooted closer to Snake, “John I’m not an oblivious twenty-year-old,” his eyes glazed over his cloudy right eye, “What’s wrong?”
Snake only let out a little hum as he pulled Ocelot into his arms. He could tell he was still curious but Snake would rather not talk about her with him.
“Can you promise me something,” John whispered as he leaned into his ear. The younger nodded slowly. “Can you promise you’ll stay…with me?” His voice stayed strong despite the tears threatening to fall at the corners of his eyes, “You’ll tell me if I’m doing something wrong.”
Adam tried to look up at the older but it was difficult with the way John was tightly holding onto him. “I’ll stay John.” He mumbled quietly as he wrapped his arms around him, “and…you’re not doing anything wrong.”
Snake chuckled dryly as he closed his eyes. It was enough to know that Ocelot didn’t think he was a horrible person for what he was doing. As long as Adam kept some Joy in his life from having him around, he was satisfied.
His arms relaxed as he heard the soft sound of the AC turning on.
Finally, some noise to distract him from the sickening silence.