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He gets the call a little after midnight; feeling the buzz in his back pocket while he’s standing outside on his hotel balcony. The air is crisp today, cool but not too cold. He ignores it at first. Making the very deliberate choice to inhale his cigarette instead. The nicotine gives him a familiar thrill.
He calls back. Sicheng groans to himself and takes the phone out of his pocket when the offending caller does it again for a third time. He’s not surprised at all when he sees the caller ID.
Jeong Jaehyun.
The worst reminder of his soon-to-be past coming back to haunt him. He takes another drag, then puts out the cigarette on his balcony a second later. He lets the phone ring two more times before reluctantly picking up.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“No hello? How are you?”
Jaehyun ignores his questions. As expected.
“You aren’t coming back are you.”
Sicheng suddenly wishes he had never put out his cigarette. He’s going to need it to get through this conversation.
“I’ll be back. Sometimes at least, for WayV, if the company keeps them in Korea.”
Jaehyun laughs bitterly through the line.
“Oh, that’s all.”
His response is sardonic and all Sicheng can do is sigh. Fingers twitching by his side.
“What do you want Jaehyun?”
He feels guilty. Using this tone on Jaehyun and seeming like he didn’t care. But it doesn’t matter. Jaehyun wouldn’t comprehend his choices. Never has. Never will. He was destined to make it, and make it in Korea at that. Sicheng simply wasn’t.
There’s a pause on the line and Sicheng is tempted to hang up. But he imagines Jaehyun will just call back until they have this conversation.
“I just want to know why.”
This time Sicheng laughs. It’s loud and sarcastic. And he’s sure that neighbors at the hotel will think he’s crazy if they heard the ugly noises escaping his mouth.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
Sicheng rolls his eyes. Jaehyun isn’t that dense. He has to have known that deep down, Sicheng was always meant to go. It shouldn’t even matter to him considering they haven’t been in the same group for years.
“I was never meant to stay in Korea.” He pauses. “Neither is WayV.”
“But you can’t just leave without any regard for the rest of us. We’re supposed to be friends.”
It’s silent. Sicheng feels the blood rushing to his ears. A thumping noise in his head he’s sure isn’t even real.
“Don’t act dumb, Jaehyun. It doesn’t suit you.”
He can hear Jaehyun breathing heavily on the phone, a tell-tale sign that he was angry. Then, suddenly, Jaehyun moves away. It’s murmured, but Sicheng can still hear his next words clearly.
“I’ll be there soon.”
Jaehyun sounds so fond, so enamored. Sicheng knows exactly who he’s talking to.
“This isn’t about me.”
“What?”
“This whole bullshit speech you gave about friendship. It’s not about me, it’s about Yuta.”
He spits out the words as venomously as he can manage.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh I think you do.”
Jaehyun stays silent. It makes Sicheng mad. After all those years of so-called friendship, the least Jaehyun could do was be honest.
“Have you confessed yet?”
The last time he had been with Yuta involved both of them making the mistake of jumping into bed together. Sicheng thought he would have been smarter than that, but Yuta had always been his weakness. He could never say no to him. Well, at least not until recently.
Yuta’s tear streaked face as he begged for a future they wouldn’t have together flashes in his head. His insistence that they could make it work in different groups and split between three countries was more than just optimistic. Once upon a time, Sicheng would have believed him. Maybe before their break-up, but he couldn't, not anymore.
“What I do with Yuta is none of your business.”
So that’s a no on confessing. Jaehyun could be so cowardly sometimes. It was clear to Sicheng, and really everyone, that Jaehyun had a little bit of a crush on his ex. He wasn’t mad persay. He would be happy if Jaehyun made Yuta happy, but not if Yuta had to settle for giving up his dreams.
“It is if you want to project your insecurities about his future onto me.”
“And what do you know about his future?” Jaehyun snaps. It’s the angriest he’s heard him on the call.
“I know he wants more. More lines. More opportunities. Something more than being a translator in Japan and a back-up dancer the rest of the time. He’ll never get that in Korea. He’s not you.”
“Do you want him to play house-husband while you go out and get your solo albums, modeling gigs, and acting jobs? Because that’s what it’ll be if he stays in Korea.”
“You don’t know that. The company could let him do both. He could be a soloist in Japan and stay in the group.” Jaehyun pleads, but even Sicheng can tell he doesn’t believe it. The company wouldn’t invest in Yuta like the others.
“Yuta wouldn’t leave us.”
Not like you. Sicheng hears Jaehyun’s voice in his head. Just like the netizens said when news broke out of his extended stay in China. He betrayed them. He was nothing more than a liar to them. But he knew it was the only way. Yuta knew too, deep down.
“Maybe he won’t. But that’ll be the biggest mistake of his life. It’s nice to see you’re encouraging that.”
“I want him to stay.” Jaehyun whispers. “I love him.”
“I know you do.” I do too.
A reminder on his phone chimes. He has an early wake up call tomorrow and needs to go to bed. He couldn’t keep having this conversation. He couldn’t keep worrying about Yuta. That wasn’t his job anymore.
“Goodbye Jaehyun. Tell Yuta I said hi.”
He hangs up without waiting for a response. A strong gust of wind flies through his hair as he contemplates lighting up another cigarette before ultimately deciding against it. He goes inside. Waiting for sleep to take over. Hoping this was all just a bad dream.