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You sadly watched the snow fall down on the neighborhood while a random Christmas song on vinyl spun on the record player as you remembered all the years you stayed up on the last day of November right into December first with him waiting for the snow to fall. It never happened, but the two of you turned it into a tradition the third year the snow didn't show.
Today marks the thirteenth anniversary of the day when you two twelve year olds decided to watch for snow, knowing damn well it would never happen. And now that it's finally happened, he isn't here to celebrate with you. Though you aren't in Oklahoma anymore, it still hurts.
You were about to get up and go wash your cup of hot chocolate and go to bed until you saw the couple across from your house already outside playing in the snow. It was the eighteen and seventeen year olds that had run away from their homes all the way from Hell's Kitchen after years of planning.
You'd always check up on them and make them brownies, cake, or pie because you knew what it was like to live in an unwelcoming home. It absolutely broke your heart and reminded you that he was all the way in Vietnam and not with you.
You met everyone on the street with a welcoming smile, but they knew you were hurting. They knew you were worried sick about your boyfriend, yet they never asked because your smile seemed genuine enough to look like you were enjoying yourself.
On your way out of the post office, you hear the church bells chiming in celebration of Christmas. It only reminded you of the time your friends mimicked the rings of the rusty bronze bell just to see you laugh at their terrible attempt at humor.
Usually, you'd go to your boyfriend's house, but you had a concert throughout the day after Christmas and are booked to play at a New Year's party in the upcoming week. You were coming for the first three days of Christmas, but that's it. So the best you could do was send them gifts and long distance hugs.
The more you smiled, the more exhausted you got. You were an extrovert until you'd finally got a glimpse of the real world. Even then, you had your boyfriend to hold your hand and support you through your way. Now you just felt like a hollow shell, a saddening glimpse of what you once were. It really is a Blue Christmas.
Who knew love could affect people in ways like this? You didn't even put up the tree and you loved decorating! When you got to your house, you just sat down in front of the door and cried. This wasn't something that happened often, so it was a shock even to yourself.
Thoughts of him getting tortured, shot, disembodied, anything, floated in your head. Would your last words to him really be 'I love you'? Would he remember that? Would his mind go blank before he died? There's so much that could happen.
You were pulled out of your treacherous thoughts when you heard your doorbell ring twice. As soon as you stood up, there were noises of shuffling at the door. You raised an eyebrow at this, but pushed the weirdness aside so you could unlock the door. When you opened the door, three people, carolers you assumed, were still shuffling around and trying to find their places. You gave them a flashy smile as they finally got in the right adjustment.
When they opened their mouths to sing, you saw a title on their sheet music, Deck the Halls. Your brain automatically tuned out the noise, as you've heard it seven times from different caroling groups in the city you lived in. It used to be your favorite old timey Christmas song, as it made you feel at home wherever you were, but it doesn't even feel like Christmas at all.
You started clapping when you assumed that they'd finished, and you'd finally got it right this time. You clapped through the last group of carolers singing Silent Night and you don't think you'll ever be able to erase that embarrassing memory. They looked at each other with excitement and then smiled at you giving you unwanted hugs and many thank you's.
You wished that you were having as much fun as they were.
You were bombarded by kids and adults, wanting to get a signature from you. This certainly gave you a shock as you were used to being simply the person next door, no matter where you went. It was like this in the airport and even in the plane! Despite your internal denial, it did give you an energy boost.
As you walked out the airplane and into the airport, you saw a couple fighting because the girl accidentally fuck her boyfriends twin. You breathlessly laughed and thought, I'm finally home.
While looking at the crowds of people, you saw a familiar face, and he probably saw you two. What you didn't understand is why he started running. Naturally, you ran after him. The difference between the two of you was that you did cross country track and field when you were in high school. Even with your luggage you couldn't be stopped. It brought a smile to his face.
By the time you were face to face with him, the both of you were out of breath. Though there were people chattering all around you, the only thing you heard was both of you trying to catch your breath, waiting for someone to initiate conversation.
"... Y-you're still.." You raised your head when you heard him speak. "scar- beautiful as ever I see.." You rolled your eyes at him and took your hands off your knees to stand up. "Why'd you.." You were trying to find the words to say to him. "run?" He just grinned at you for a while until he finally spoke. "I was gonna surprise you but.. How'd you not see me before? When we were standing side by side a few minutes ago before I walked off."
Your stunned expression hid the fact that you were internally laughing at him for sounding like a cowboy. "Y' should've gotten a autograph, idiot." You joked with him and then heard that beautiful laugh that brought you back to the days where you made mud pie and tricked his little brother into eating it. Of course he got mad at you, but he couldn't stop laughing at his brother's face.
"I would never cause I know you'd count that as a Christmas present." You lightly punched him on the shoulder and looked around for a place to sit. "Yea, I don't exactly appreciate boyfriends who run away from their lovers." You shook your head at him playfully. He pouted at you. "I was s'posed to surprise you."
"You did, don't worry. I had a mini heart attack, you definitely did your job." He followed you like a lost dog when you went to a table outside of a Dunkin Donuts. God, he missed you. Just seeing your face made him tune out the sneers and names he was being called ever since he got off the plane. Don't they know it wasn't his choice? Don't they know he was horrified by the things that he heard too? Don't they know he wanted the war to end too?
He wouldn't tell you though, it would only cause you to worry even more about him. He noticed your white hair when he was looking at you before, and even now. "And then I- what? What're you staring for?" You noticed him looking at you, though you didn't know if he was sad or actually listening by the sad smile on his face.
"Y/N?" He said, coming back to earth. "Yea?" He gave you a toothy grin. "I love you." You were stunned for a few seconds before hugging him. It made him nervous. Even though you were just a simple violinist, there were tons of people who looked up to you. He even saw you signing papers for kids and taking pictures with adults. What would they think when they saw you hugging him?
"Hey, Soda?" He raised his head from the crook of your neck to look at you. "Hm?"
You quickly kissed him and smiled the smile that always managed to make him weak. "I love you more."