Chapter Text
prologue.
“Gyeoulah.”
“Ne, Gyusonim.”
“I’m going to the US to study the pediatric case that I told you about. Would you like to come with me? It’ll be for a year.” Gyeoul was taken aback by her lover’s offer. She is currently doing her first year of fellowship in Yulje specializing in HPB surgeries. Her lover, on the other hand, is a professor in Pediatric surgery who was almost a priest-to-be 2 years ago. After their heartfelt confession on Christmas day, the two doctors have been inseparable, not until Jeongwon decides to go to the US.
Gyeoul weighed the pros and cons of going with him. For once, she’ll be able to leave Korea and travel abroad which is something she hasn’t been able to do. She hasn’t even been to Jeju Island because of the hectic demands of being a med student, residency, and now, fellowship. English won’t be an issue, she can easily learn and adjust to the language.
But something tugs her to stay. Her family, especially her mother is here in Korea and she wants to spend as much time taking care of her. Gaeul is here, she knows but she finds assurance and peace in personally seeing her mother physically and emotionally well. There’s also her fellowship, and her friends, her mentors, and her patients who have been a great part of her growth as a doctor. In a nutshell, it’s the comfort and familiarity of Yulje that pulls her back in wanting to stay.
Jeongwon looks at her expectantly. Gyeoul understands how Jeongwon wants to go to the US to study. She remembers how worried he was, doubting his skills as a surgeon because of the high risk of the cause and his lack of experience. All the books he has read about small bowel cases could never accurately describe the feeling of holding the scalpel and operating the child. All the books and journals could offer are knowledge and technical instructions, not wisdom and experience. For weeks, Jeongwon did his best to not lose another angel and fortunately, he saved one. It sparked a passion and a dream to become better; a better surgeon, a better doctor for future patients.
“Gyusonim,” Gyeoul paused, “Can I think about it first?” She asked. She doesn’t want to answer immediately. This was something that she has to think through. Jeongwon gave her a soft smile, “Of course, love. We still have until the end of the year. Tell me if you have decided already.”
Days went by, then turned to weeks. Gyeoul and Jeongwon weren’t able to talk about it again because of their hectic schedules and emergencies. Sometimes during their shift, Gyeoul sneaks to Jeongwon’s office and asks him for a hug. When she’s lucky, and usually she is, she gets a kiss from her boyfriend. They usually talk about their current patients, food, family, and friends while stealing a snack or two from Junwan’s stash (Junwan allowed her because fellowship is stressful and it is his way of supporting the two).
Gyeoul was still undecided. It was a push and pull of what she wanted and what she needed to do. Sure, she really wanted to grab the opportunity of studying abroad with Ahn Jeongwon despite the different specializations. She knows how the experience in America would involve more complicated cases unavailable in her home country. She could study more on how to become a better and well-respected HPB surgeon like her mentor. But she’s still torn with her duties as a daughter. The emotional pull of wanting to keep her mother and brother safe near her was strong. She left her mother once to pursue her dream as a doctor and got constantly hurt. She doesn’t want that to happen again.
“Gyusonim, what should I do?” Gyeoul asked her mentor, Lee Ikjun. They were sitting down in the outdoor garden, sipping their hot vending machine coffee. Both doctors were on a night shift and monitoring a patient who had recently undergone surgery.
“Mhmm Gyeoul-ah, both are good reasons, to be honest. I want you to go to the US with Jeongwon because I want you to grow. The cases you’ll handle abroad will be beneficial for you. Don’t worry with the papers, your GS dads can handle and process that so that you can continue fellowship,” Ikjun patter his fellow’s back, “but I also understand why you want to stay. Especially with the current happenings. Choose the first thing that pops into your mind. Jeongwon will understand.”
“Here’s your ramen. Make sure to pair it with kimchi.” Jeongwon served Gyeoul her bowl of ramen. They both had their day off together after weeks of not being able to properly spend time together. During the past few weeks, their breaks together could only last an hour or two, but never a half or full day. They make sure to make the most out of today, considering that in the next few months, Jeongwon will fly to the US, and Gyeoul will either go with him or stay in Yulje.
“Thank you. I’ll eat well.” Gyeoul replied and gave a curtsy smile to Jeongwon. She took a huge serving of noodles and dug in. Jeongwon chuckled at the sight of his lover wolfing down ramen like it’s her last meal. Gyeoul loves how Jeongwon prepares his ramen. It may be a simple dish but for Gyeoul, it’s worth 5 stars. As she continued to eat her noodles and kimchi, she noticed how Jeongwon kept on looking at her like a puppy wanting its owner’s attention.
“What’s wrong Gyusonim? Is the ramen too spicy for your liking?” Gyeoul asked. Jeongwon pursed his lips and faced her.
“I was just wondering if you’ve decided to come with me,” he took a pause, “to the US, I mean. I’ll be flying in a few months. I just want to know by now if you’re coming so that I can assist with the papers and necessary documents. I can help in talking with Chairman Ju or with Professor Kwon.” Gyeoul placed her chopsticks down and faced him.
“Gyusonim, I have decided.” Jeongwon looked at her with expectant eyes. Gyeoul can’t seem to look at him. She grabbed his hands and fiddled with his fingers, a trait Gyeoul does when she’s nervous. She kept on looking down, afraid that her decision might gloom their happy mood. She felt a squeeze on her hands. Jeongwon lifted her chin up in order for them to look eye-to-eye.
“Gyeoul-ah, whatever your decision will be, I will wholeheartedly accept it. I want you to prioritize yourself. If you choose to stay, it’s alright and I understand. I know we can work things out. Just because we’ll be far from each other, doesn’t mean we can’t be together. You’ll always have me, my love.”
His assurance made Gyeoul burst out crying. “I’m sorry for choosing to stay.” She whimpered in her seat. Jeongwon pulled her close to his chest and patted her back.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” he assured her and kissed her forehead, ”I love you. I still and I will do.” He pulled her face away from his chest and wiped the tears. Gyeoul can’t believe that such an understanding man exists in her life. She is grateful for Ahn Jeongwon and despite her choice to stay in Yulje, she knows she will be okay. They will be okay.
“Oppa, are you set already?” Jeongwon kept on hugging and clinging unto Gyeoul. For a 40-year-old man, she didn’t expect that his boyfriend is capable of being childish and clingy in public. They are already at Incheon International Airport, saying their “goodbyes,” “see you soon” and well wishes to Ahn Jeongwon. Gyeoul wasn’t alone with him. Along with her were his best friends, Jung Rosa and Chairman Ju.
“Gyeoulaaaaahhhh!” Jeongwon whined. Gyeoul chuckled at the sight of her boyfriend pouting. Jeongwon hugged her tighter while burrowing his head in his shoulders. “Why did you choose to call me ‘Oppa’ now that I’m flying abroad? I can’t seem to leave now.” Gyeoul patted her 183cm baby when she heard gawks from his best friends. Rosa-nim just managed to chuckle at the sight. Who would’ve known her youngest son could fall-in-love and be this clingy?
“Yaah Ahn Jeongwon! Stop hogging Gyeoul. We want a hug too.” Ikjun was ready to welcome Jeongwon with arms wide open when they heard the intercom calling for Ahn Jeongwon’s flight. Jeongwon let go of Gyeoul and went to hug his best friends, saying his goodbyes and “a year will fly by”. He then went to his mother and Chairman Ju, exchanging well wishes and “see you soon’s”. Gyeoul smiled at the sight of her lover and his friends and loved ones. It was unfortunate that his siblings weren’t able to bid him goodbye but they have already texted and called their youngest warm wishes and a safe flight.
“So this is it,” Gyeoul muttered while looking at her boyfriend laughing and bidding goodbyes. Reality just sank in for her. She won’t be able to walk around the halls with Jeongwon. No one to recharge her with hugs in his office. No more of his delicious ramen. She wonders how she will cope without Ahn Jeongwon beside her. Gyeoul reminded herself that they aren’t breaking up. They will manage the long distance. They will work things out. They will be okay.
Jeongwon walked towards her and held her hands. Gyeoul chuckled because she knows Jeongwon will have a hard time letting go of them again. She gave him a wistful smile, hoping that it was enough to assure him that she will be okay. “I will miss you, oppa.”
“I’ll miss you too,” Jeongwon replied before giving her a soft kiss. “Don’t forget to call me, okay? I’ll visit soon.”
“Ne,” Gyeoul replied. It was her turn to pout, knowing that they will be parting ways now. “I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll see you soon.” Jeongwon prepped his bags and passport. At the blink of her eyes, he was gone in the crowd. Gyeoul was stuck in her position not until Songhwa called her.
The ride back to Yulje was silent. Gyeoul stared at the window looking at the sky, wondering if the planes passing by above them were Jeongwon’s. She wonders if she gave him the right choice and if she has chosen the right decision. Her what-ifs have clouded her thoughts throughout the ride and Gyeoul could do nothing but sigh and reminisce, wishing that they spent more quality time together other than the stolen hugs and kisses.