Archive of Our Own

As all bad things go, it starts with Renjun’s absolute inability to stay away from the art store. He knows he should probably put an end to his art material splurges, but the new tubes of gouache paint were too hard to resist.

So when he comes home to a startlingly low bank balance and an email from the dean informing him about next semester’s school fees, he feels a little more than just screwed.

Now, it wouldn’t even be this bad if he still had his job, but unfortunately he got fired just a few days ago.

“I’m broke,” Renjun bemoans, flopping onto Donghyuck’s bed. “Broke, as in I have five dollars left in my bank account. I can’t even afford a cup of coffee, much less the school fees.”

“Really?” Donghyuck swivels around in his chair to roll his eyes at Renjun. Damn him, there’s not even an ounce of sympathy in his voice. “Have you tried tinder?”

“What the fuck does tinder have to do with this?” Renjun frowns. “I’m broke, not lonely.”

“Find yourself a sugar daddy,” Donghyuck shrugs. “Fast money. Anytime, anywhere. Maybe you can snag a DILF and introduce me to all his other hot friends.”

“Jesus christ, you are of no help,” Renjun glares at him, his head spinning a little from lying upside-down. “I would much rather get money without having to suck some old guy’s dick, thanks.”

Donghyuck tuts at him, before sighing exasperatedly. "You can try to look for a job at the research department, I guess. They’re always conducting weird studies, but they pay handsomely.”

The research department?

“That’s more like it, thanks Hyuck!” Renjun is up in a second, dashing out of Donghyuck’s room before he even has enough time to blink away the black spots in his eyes from lying down for too long.

“My sugar daddy idea still works better though!” Donghyuck calls out behind him, laughing as Renjun gives him the finger.

And that’s how Renjun finds himself standing in front of the noticeboard in the research department, eyes trained on that one poster. The words Couples Therapy Research! blink back at him, bolded and underlined on a pink, canva-formatted piece of paper.

Donghyuck was right, they do pay handsomely, and this particular study pays extra well. Renjun can’t bring himself to look away from the one thousand dollars reward that is promised at the end. He literally trembles in excitement as he thinks it through — he gets to sit down and enjoy two hours of free therapy every week, and he even gets a hefty sum of money at the end of it.

In theory, it is the perfect job for him.

Well, if he ignores the fact that:

1. He isn’t in a monogamous, romantic relationship with anybody

2. He and his nonexistent partner are not suffering from excessive conflict in their relationship

Renjun can feel himself deflating, all the prior excitement whizzing out of him in a gush. He doesn’t fulfill any of the two requirements, which means it’s basically a no go for him already.

In a bid to hold onto the last shred of hope, he mentally flits through all his remaining options. He can probably convince Donghyuck (read: drag him here), but that will definitely come at a cost. Maybe he can hook up with someone at the next party and persuade them to come with him?

That won’t work, Renjun sighs.

It doesn’t help that the guy standing next to him looks just as interested as him in the couples therapy study. Renjun’s shoulders slump as he scans him from head to toe; even with an obnoxiously bright mint green hoodie and a bucket hat that covers half his face, Renjun can tell that he looks better than average.

He’s probably in a relationship, Renjun thinks sourly, screw those cute couples. There should be a study catered towards the singles, because Renjun would be more than elated to partake in it.

His gaze shifts back to the thousand dollar reward, the cogs in his brain spinning. Renjun thinks about his rapidly-dwindling bank balance and the long email he would have to write to the dean if he fails to earn some money in time.

Act first, think later.

Clearing his throat, Renjun turns to the guy. “I want to participate in that study, sorry. Feel free to look at the others, though.”

The guy’s eyes move to land on him slowly. He is a few inches taller, but the intensity of his gaze makes Renjun feel as if he were being turned inside out, placed under a microscope to be examined.

The guy’s bucket hat tilts up, exposing his facial features to the light, and Renjun’s heart thuds. Without the hat shadowing half his face, Renjun has to admit that the guy does look good. He has one of those particularly memorable pretty-boy faces, and he looks like someone Renjun would kiss mindlessly at a party after downing a few shots of vodka.

But then he opens his mouth, and whatever initial affection Renjun had for him poofs in an instant. “You?” There’s an annoying drawl to the guy’s voice that causes his pulse to spike in a bad way. “Are you dating anyone?”

“W-What?” Renjun falters, a little caught off-guard. Goddamnit. The guy smirks, crossing his arms, and Renjun curses himself internally for stuttering.

“Well, are you even dating?” Renjun retorts.

“...Yes,” the guy answers slowly. It’s a beat too late, Renjun notes triumphantly.

So he isn't dating, huh? They’re on the same playing field, then.

Now it’s Renjun’s turn to smirk. “You aren't. Too bad, it seems like you can say goodbye to the one thousand dollar reward then.”

The guy narrows his eyes, lips curling as he stares Renjun down. “Believe it or not, there are tonnes of people waiting to date me. I can start dating someone any minute now, can you?”

God, so not only is he annoying, he also has a gigantic ego. His good looks can’t even save his shitty personality, Renjun thinks sagely, glowering at him. His glare doesn’t seem to work though, as the guy merely raises an eyebrow and waits for him to reply.

“Well, there’s an entire line of people waiting to date me too!” Renjun huffs.

That’s untrue — he hasn't even kissed anyone in months, and dating has also been out of question since he is way too busy now. The guy, however much Renjun hates to admit it, definitely seems to have more of a love life than him.

“Yeah?” The guy’s eyes slide down his body languidly, which really doesn’t help with the whole I-feel-like-a-specimen crisis Renjun is currently going through. “Alright then.”

“Well, I don’t care about you, but I need the money.”

“I don’t care about you either,” the guy shrugs. “But I want the money too. This study belongs to me.”

The nerve of the guy seriously, Renjun’s hand curls into a ball, he’s asking to be punched so badly. Renjun can feel his blood pressure rising, incoherent murderous thoughts flying around his brain as he prepares to retort.

“Hello!” The new voice startles Renjun out of his thoughts, nearly causing him to bump into the noticeboard. Disgruntled, he turns to the friendly woman waving at the two of them.

“Hello, I’m the one conducting the couples therapy study,” the psychologist waves from the door, looking between the two of them unsurely. “Is there an issue here?”

Renjun flushes. He knows they must look like quite the sight, both red-faced and fuming as they glare at each other. He can only hope that their argument didn’t reach the psychologist’s ears, because his plans would be foiled before they even began.

The guy already has a charming smile in place as he nods at the psychologist. Jeez, Renjun sneers, he must be plotting something. Well, it’s too bad for him then. If Renjun can’t participate in the study, there’s no way he would let the guy participate either.

“Hello,” the guy smiles, pearly whites in full display. It's extremely unfair how he would actually look pretty if Renjun didn’t have such intense feelings of annoyance boiling in him. “I would like to express my strong interest towards this study. May I know—”

“Actually,” Renjun cuts him off with a glare to the side. “We are both single so—”

The guy’s eyes widen instantly, and Renjun barely has any time to blink before a hand is clapped over his mouth. “Mhmf,” Renjun can feel his fingers pressing against his lips. It sends a weird, yet strangely not unpleasant sensation dancing across his face.

“Baby,” the guy looks down at him with a gentle expression. What the fuck? It’s a huge contrast to the cold stare he had on just mere seconds ago, and Renjun can feel himself glitching from the sudden whiplash. “You have to stop insisting on breaking up with me every second.”

The guy turns to the psychologist with an apologetic expression on his face. “Sorry about that. We are kinda fighting right now, and my boyfriend keeps trying to declare that he’s single.”

My boyfriend? Renjun struggles to free his mouth from the guy’s hand, but his fingers only press tighter against his lips. God, this guy is batshit crazy.

“I’m Na Jaemin, and this is my boyfriend,” the guy — Na Jaemin — is still smiling like he is in love with him. Renjun wants to die. “We’re trying to mend our relationship, but we think we need some professional help. I saw your study and I was pretty interested!”

The psychologist beams at that, and Renjun finally manages to struggle out of Jaemin’s grasp. He tries to say something, but Jaemin slides an arm around his waist, pulling him close, and that successfully renders him wordless.

“Na Jaemin,” Renjun turns to hiss in his ear, grinning in satisfaction when Jaemin shudders and recoils. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

“Shut up and play along with me if you still want that one thousand dollars,” Jaemin whispers back, tightening his arm and pulling Renjun even closer. He can feel the warmth radiating off Jaemin even through his hoodie, and that sends an unwelcome blush onto his face.

Jesus, Renjun groans internally, a few months without kissing anyone and he starts blushing like a middle-schooler at the smallest skin contact.

“Why should I play along with you?” Renjun glares at Jaemin, lowering his voice as the psychologist looks at them curiously. “What are you even planning? You were shouting at me a few seconds ago, and now you get all chummy with me and we’re suddenly boyfriends?”

“If we pretend like we are a couple going through something, we can both participate in the study, idiot,” Jaemin shoots back. “It’s a win-win situation. We can split the thousand dollars between us.”

Now, that’s not a bad preposition. It’s a brilliant idea, in fact, and Renjun is pissed that he didn’t think of it sooner. A couple hundred dollars would be more than enough for him to pay for next semester’s school fees before he finds a new job. Renjun can feel temptation clawing at his insides as he regards Jaemin warily.

“Okay, but we split it sixty forty.”

“Fifty fifty,” Jaemin narrows his eyes.

“Sixty forty,” Renjun shakes his head. “Or I’m exposing both of us right now.”

“Fine,” Jaemin mutters sullenly. The moment he looks back up at the psychologist, though, a perfectly-placed smile is back on his face. “Sorry about that, we’ve agreed to participate in the study. Right, baby?”

“Yeah,” Renjun squeezes a smile onto his face, hoping it doesn’t come out more like a grimace instead. “I’m Huang Renjun, Jaemin’s...boyfriend. Nice to meet you.”

Renjun can feel Jaemin staring at him from his peripheral vision, but he ignores it as he stares back at the psychologist calmly. She has an excited expression on her face as she hands the two of them a form to fill in.

“Nice to meet the both of you, you are perfect test subjects!” The psychologist coughs, embarrassed. “I mean, my research would benefit greatly with your help. Don’t worry, we can sort through all the issues together.”

It’s only then that it dawns on Renjun that they’ve really succeeded in pulling off their impromptu fake couple act. While they were bickering and fighting over the reward, they must have acted like a couple with excessive conflict. Somehow, they have managed to fulfill both the requirements for the study. No wonder the psychologist looks so pleased.

“Well, if you’re free now, we can begin our first session right away!” The psychologist claps her hands, opening her door wider as she invites them in. Renjun exchanges a glance with Jaemin, a nervous pulse skittering its way across his chest. They haven’t had time to discuss how they are going to let this ruse play out, so it’ll be dangerous if they start now.

“Well, actually—”

“Yeah, we are free,” Jaemin grins, oblivious to the fact that Renjun is plotting murder in his brain right now. Damn him, Renjun is not going to save his ass if their plan falls through halfway.

“Follow along and don’t blow our cover,” Jaemin whispers as they follow behind the psychologist.

“Whatever,” Renjun rolls his eyes. It’s just couples therapy, isn’t it? It should be a piece of cake lying and bluffing their way through.

✎

“The two of you must have been dating for quite a long time,” the psychologist smiles as she leads them over to the couch. “You seem comfortable around each other.”

“Really?” Renjun splutters, sneaking a look at Jaemin. They’re standing awkwardly beside each other, looking more like two students being forced to work on a group project together than an actual couple.

Renjun doesn't know why the psychologist thought they looked comfortable (how is she even a real psychologist?), because every single cell in his body is screaming for him to run away.

The only reason why he is even taking a seat on the couch is solely because of the six-hundred dollars that he is dying to receive at the end of the study. He makes sure to leave at least a three-inch gap between him and Jaemin, but of course Jaemin has broad shoulders. The two of them can barely even fit on the tiny loveseat, and Renjun resists the urge to fidget as Jaemin’s arms press warmly against his.

“So, how long have the two of you been dating?” The psychologist clasps her hands in front of her.

Renjun can feel his heart rate picking up as he nudges Jaemin discreetly. This is what happens when you rush into things without even planning anything beforehand — you start to screw up.

Jaemin stares back at him, as if he expects Renjun to suddenly become a telepath. You really can’t depend on anyone but yourself here, Renjun thinks as he sighs and opens his mouth to reply.

“Two years,” Renjun says, right as Jaemin answers confidently. "Three years.”

Renjun’s eyes widen. Goddamnit. They’re gonna get kicked out of the study for fraud before the therapy session even starts.

“Three years,” Renjun amends his answer as he smiles politely at the psychologist. And because the universe hates him, Jaemin changes his answer at the same time. "Two years.”

“Two to three years,” Jaemin smiles nervously as he kicks Renjun's leg. “We aren’t that big on anniversaries, right babe? We always tend to forget when we started dating.”

“Yeah,” Renjun grits out, shooting Jaemin a death glare from the corner of his eyes. They really should have planned things out properly.

“Alright,” the psychologist chirps, scribbling something illegible onto her notepad. “How did the two of you first meet?”

“At a party,” Jaemin glances at him. Renjun rolls his eyes, sitting back as he lets Jaemin answer the question all by himself. “I was just minding my own business, when he came up to me with a drink and flirted with me for the entire night.”

Renjun frowns. What bullshit story is this?

“To be honest, I didn’t have a good impression of him at first,” Jaemin laughs, eyes curving up as if he were really reminiscing the way he and Renjun had first met. “He was rather talkative and he nearly yakked my ear off. To be honest, he still speaks quite a lot nowadays—”

Alright that’s enough. Renjun is fuming mad when he finally interjects. "Actually, you know what? I didn’t even want to approach you that night. You just looked so lonely and pathetic drinking by yourself I pitied you.”

The psychologist nods at the two of them. "That’s quite an interesting story. How did you begin dating then?”

“We talked after the party and slowly developed feelings for each other,” Jaemin shoots him a warning glare. “Even though Renjun has many bad habits, I’ve come to tolerate them over time, and we decided it would be good to try dating each other.”

Jesus Christ. Jaemin just can’t stop throwing in random insults while talking to the psychologist. Renjun can feel his blood pressure peaking to an all-time high.

“Bad habits?” Renjun scoffs. “You are the one who keeps leaving your socks everywhere even though I told you to place them into the washing machine neatly.”

That’s a lie, of course. Renjun doesn’t know what bad habits Jaemin has, but he seems like he is capable of doing something as annoying as leaving his socks lying all around the dormitory.

“Oh?” Jaemin narrows his eyes. “You are one to talk. You need to stop uncapping the toothpaste and then forgetting to cap it back.”

Renjun flushes. How does Jaemin even know that? It is truly a bad habit of his that Donghyuck often complains about, and he immediately hates Jaemin for being able to guess it so accurately.

“What’s wrong with leaving my toothpaste uncapped?” Renjun argues, shifting around on the couch to look Jaemin in the face. “Do you want me to list ten of your other bad habits that I hate?”

“Sure, list them,” Jaemin stares back at him unflinchingly, eyebrows raised in defiance. Renjun is suddenly thankful that they are acting as a couple experiencing excessive conflict, because he would very much like to sock Jaemin in the mouth.

The psychologist coughs softly, breaking both of them out from their weird little bubble. Renjun can feel the tension seeping away from his shoulders as he turns away from Jaemin.

“Alright,” the psychologist offers a strained smile, and for a moment Renjun almost feels sorry for her. “These are all issues that we can work on slowly in the future sessions. But for now, let’s get back on track and explore your relationship from the start, yeah?”

The rest of the session passes by in a blur. Once they’ve gotten past their initial slip-up, it’s easy enough for them to lie their way through the other questions.

Renjun sits back and lets Jaemin speak for the both of them —it’s simpler like that anyway. They don’t have to worry about saying contradictory things, and Renjun just needs to play the part of a grouchy boyfriend, nodding whenever Jaemin nudges him.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Jaemin is charming and eloquent, but Renjun still feels slightly intrigued as he stares at Jaemin from his peripheral vision. He has an arm hooked over the back of the loveseat, hand hovering close to Renjun’s shoulder, touching but not quite touching.

Renjun shifts in his seat, smiling blankly as the psychologist continues to bombard them with questions. Jaemin seems perfectly at ease, his face void of any frantic emotions as he answers the questions calmly.

“That will be all for today, thank you,” the psychologist finally announces, and Renjun heaves a sigh of relief. He peeks at Jaemin, watching quietly as the tension in his shoulders slowly seeps out.

Jaemin looks tired, but he still manages to keep a polite smile on his face as the psychologist walks them out. He only drops the act when they leave the building, turning to Renjun with a scowl.

“We were lucky that she didn’t notice anything weird. Thank you so much for almost blowing our cover in the first five minutes, by the way,” Jaemin crosses his arms, hoodie tightening around his biceps. Renjun shifts his glance away pointedly. “Way to go, Renjun.”

“Oh, shut it,” Renjun complains. “You literally forced me into doing this whole stupid thing.”

“Oh?” Jaemin leans closer, eyelashes fluttering as he tilts his head. “You seemed extremely interested when you threatened to expose us if you didn’t get sixty percent of the reward. Or did I remember wrongly?”

He is, in fact, not wrong. Renjun can feel his lips pressing into a thin line. "Well, cut down on your insults, then. Talking about my bad habits for no reason? Really?”

“In case you forgot, I’m the one hard carrying us throughout the session,” Jaemin snorts. “So I get to say whatever I want.”

Renjun narrows his eyes. He doesn’t usually like arguing, but something about the way Jaemin speaks just causes his skin to itch in a bad way. He constantly feels a mix of annoyance and vexation combined, and with that comes the uncontrollable urge to wipe the smirk off Jaemin’s face.

“Well, I need to head off for class right now so I don’t have time to stand here and argue with you,” Renjun says stiffly, tightening his hold on his tote bag. “See you during our next session.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jaemin shrugs, eyes still trained on Renjun’s face. There’s something unnerving about the way he stares, and Renjun hurriedly turns away as Jaemin’s gaze slides lower.

He can still feel Jaemin’s stare as he holds his head up high and walks away, the nape of his neck tingling hotly. You are doing this for the six hundred dollars, Renjun reminds himself as he speed-walks towards the art building, think about the money.

It’s only the first session, but Renjun isn’t sure how many more he can take already.

“So? How was it?” Donghyuck pokes his head out from his duvet when Renjun trudges back into their dorm. “Secured the dough?”

“Kind of,” Renjun mumbles. He doesn’t even bother taking off his shoes before collapsing headfirst into his bed, voice muffled by the pillow. "But it was a bad idea.”

“Did you go onto tinder or participate in a research? Because I can’t tell.”

“A stupid research,” Renjun groans, kicking off his shoes as he rolls onto his bed, staring at his ceiling. When he had first moved into the dorm a few years back, he spent an entire afternoon pasting glow-in-the-dark stickers all over his ceiling; they don’t shine as well anymore, but they still blink back at him quietly.

“Which one?” Donghyuck asks. “Is it the mental wellness one? Or the—”

“The couples therapy one,” Renjun whispers, everything that had happened in the last few hours catching up with him all at once. “Oh god, I fucking signed up for a couples therapy study.”

When he was seated in the loveseat, his brain had been a muddled mess and he couldn’t quite think straight. But now that he’s in the comfort of his own room, it finally dawns on him that he’s signed up for a study that is strictly meant for couples. And he is doing it together with a stranger, someone he doesn’t quite like, to top it all off.

Na Jaemin. Just thinking about him puts an immediate frown on Renjun’s face.

“You what?” Donghyuck yelps, sitting up in a flurry. His hair sticks in multiple directions, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he clambers onto Renjun’s bed. “Couples therapy?”

Renjun nods mutely, unable to believe himself. Jeez, what was he thinking? He has always prided himself in being rational, but all his common sense seemed to have flown out of the window.

“Okay,” Donghyuck squints at him, poking the side of his head to incite a response. “Do you have a boyfriend that I don’t know about? Because how the hell?”

“I grabbed a stranger,” Renjun’s voice sounds hollow even to his own ears. “I don’t know a single thing about him, except that he is called Na Jaemin. And gods, he is so fucking annoying.”

“Na Jaemin?” If it’s even possible, Donghyuck’s voice goes even higher.

“Yeah?” Renjun grumbles. “Typical asshole. I literally hate him. Thank god it was a study for couples who are fighting, because I wanted to punch him throughout the session.”

“Here's the thing…” Donghyuck says slowly. “The Na Jaemin that I know is nice, sweet, and loved by everyone at parties.”

Renjun tries to conjure up a scenario in his head where Jaemin is nice and sweet, but he comes up with nothing. In fact, now that he thinks about it, the only time that Jaemin had been civil to him was in front of the psychologist.

“Well, the Na Jaemin I know is definitely a douchebag. We couldn’t stop fighting over the stupid study,” Renjun shudders as he thinks back to their petty arguments. “Long story short, we somehow ended up going together since we were both single.”

“Oh wow,” Donghyuck shakes his head at him, completely speechless. “Was this the best idea the two of you could think of? All for what? Five hundred dollars each?”

“I did manage to secure six-hundred dollars though. Jaemin only gets four hundred,” Renjun grins triumphantly.

“Of course you did,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Four hundred definitely won’t be enough for Jaemin. I heard his laptop crashed recently.”

“Serves him right,” Renjun shrugs, lying back down.

Donghyuck plops down beside him. “I still can’t believe you really did that though. Do you know how many people would kill to fake date Jaemin? I heard he’s one of the most popular computer science majors now.”

“Fake date?” Renjun scoffs. “This isn’t the 80k fanfic you’re imagining in your head. I can’t wait to be done with the rest of the sessions so I can finally get my six hundred dollars.”

“It’s all about money nowadays,” Donghyuck sighs forlornly. “So what are you going to do next?”

“Nothing?” Renjun frowns. “I’ll just pretend I don’t know him, and then we’ll meet every week for the sessions.”

“Tch, boring,” Donghyuck props his head up on his hand as he turns to smirk at Renjun. "See? I told you tinder was a better idea.”

This time, Renjun doesn't even hesitate before slamming his pillow over Donghyuck’s face.

Some unknown entity must be fucking with him, Renjun thinks miserably, when he sees Jaemin for the fifth time this week. Chewing on his bottom lip furiously, he swerves in the opposite direction, trying his best to avoid Jaemin as he blends in with the crowd.

He didn’t think much of it when he had first bumped into Jaemin in the library. The campus library is usually quite packed during exam seasons, so it wasn’t unusual for him to see Jaemin studying a few tables away from him.

He had also brushed off the second time at the cafe. Renjun was waiting for his oat milk latte when Jaemin walked in to order a deadly coffee concoction. He remembers turning away resolutely while Jaemin was collecting his coffee, praying with all his might that he can somehow become one with the potted plant.

The first two times managed to pass off as coincidences, but then Renjun began seeing Jaemin everywhere. Jaemin has even started appearing in the hallways of the art block, which makes absolutely no sense because Renjun is pretty sure the computer science block is all the way at the other end of the campus.

This can only mean two things: either Jaemin has suddenly taken a liking to the places that Renjun loves frequenting, or he is trying to corner him. Renjun desperately hopes it’s not the latter, because he isn’t looking forward to talking to Jaemin at all.

His prayers must have been lost to the wind, because a warm palm lands on his shoulder, nearly startling all the life out of him. Whirling around, Renjun bites back a curse when he comes face to face with the devil himself.

“Hello, Renjun,” Jaemin's smile is strangely courteous when he pulls Renjun aside. “I’ve been looking for you the entire week.”

“I know that,” Renjun mutters, crossing his arms around his chest. Of course he knows that Jaemin has been searching for him, because he has also been actively avoiding him all week.

“Do we really have to do this here?” Renjun lets out a laboured sigh, striding towards the door as students start pouring out of the art rooms. “I don’t want to be seen talking to you.”

“What’s wrong with talking to me?” There’s a frown on Jaemin’s face as he trails after Renjun.

“We are participating in a couples therapy study,” Renjun raises an eyebrow. “Do you want people to speculate if they hear about this? Especially if they hear that we’re just in it for money?”

“Fair enough,” Jaemin shrugs. “Let’s talk near the trees then.”

They walk over the picnic benches quietly, and Renjun tries to ignore the way Jaemin’s flannel shirt flutters in the wind, brushing against the back of his hand. He has only seen Jaemin in hoodies so far, but he has to admit that he cleans up nicely when he no longer has his mint hoodie on.

“So? What did you want to say?”

“It’s the second therapy session tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Renjun groans internally. He had tried so hard to push everything related to Jaemin to the back of his brain that the fact that the second session even exists has completely slipped his mind.

“Well…” Jaemin rubs his neck, a pink tint colouring his cheeks. “I thought about it, and since we are technically stuck in this together, we should probably stop fighting and cooperate.”

Renjun raises an eyebrow. Now, that’s new. He thought it would take some time for him and Jaemin to see eye to eye, but surprisingly, it seems like they’re getting over their feud already.

“I can still do most of the talking, but she probably won’t ask us too much about how we met and stuff anymore,” Jaemin drums his fingers on the picnic table. “I feel like she might test our understanding of each other.”

“We’re screwed then,” Renjun grimaces. “We don’t know anything about each other.”

“We don’t,” Jaemin agrees. “So this means we have to be careful when speaking. You need to work with me.”

“Fine, I would,” Renjun nods slowly. “Is that all?”

Jaemin narrows his eyes, before sticking his hand out hesitantly. “We both want the money. Let’s not fuck this up.”

Renjun stares at his outstretched palm. Somehow, this feels weirdly like a turning point of sorts. He tries to find the initial annoyance he felt when he had first interacted with Jaemin, but it has strangely disappeared. Stretching out his hand gingerly, Renjun grasps Jaemin’s hand in his and shakes it.

“Alright, let’s not fuck up.”

✎

They were on the edge of their seats throughout the session. Renjun can see it from the way Jaemin speaks — slow and careful, as if he is afraid he might reveal something about the both of them. True to his word, Renjun keeps his mouth shut this time, only contributing whenever the psychologist directs the question at him.

Still, he can’t help but feel that they’re giving themselves away. Jaemin stuttered a little when the psychologist asked him about Renjun’s hobby, before he finally settled for painting (which was, well...pretty obvious). And when it was his turn to answer the question about Jaemin’s hobby, Renjun randomly blurted out coding, which prompted Jaemin to give him an offended look.

Jaemin spent the rest of the session answering the psychologist’s questions with the most ridiculous answers, and Renjun spent the rest of the session going against all his answers.

(“So...Jaemin, what do you think is Renjun’s favourite song? Something you’ve seen him listen to over and over again.”

“Um,” Jaemin throws him a panicked glance. “‘Lover’? By Taylor Swift?”

“No it’s not,” Renjun rolls his eyes. “It’s ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’.”

The glare that Jaemin shoots in his direction is completely unimpressed.)

It’s a miracle how the psychologist didn’t spot something amiss, and Renjun can only thank the heavens that they are supposed to be acting as a couple in conflict, so petty arguments are completely acceptable.

At the end of the session, they make their way out of the building silently. It’s much calmer compared to the first time they met, and there’s even a small smile hanging at the edge of Jaemin’s lips that Renjun hasn’t ever seen before.

There’s a moment of hesitation as they stand at the stairs, both of them not quite sure what to say to each other as they prepare to head in opposite directions. Renjun shuffles his feet, biting on the insides of his cheek as he waits for Jaemin to say something.

“You know my hobby isn’t coding right?” Jaemin raises his right eyebrow slightly. “I can’t believe you thought that.”

“It’s the first answer I could think of. You are a computer science major after all,” Renjun looks at him pointedly.

“How do you know that?”

“How do you know that I am an art major?” Renjun directs the question back at him. “I’ve asked around about you, believe it or not. Had to make sure I wasn’t going to couples therapy with a weirdo.”

“So?” Jaemin moves closer, and wow — he really has to stop leaning forward whenever he speaks. “Satisfied with what you’ve heard about me?”

“Not really,” Renjun sniffs. “Can’t quite tell how people think that you are sweet or nice.”

Jaemin laughs at this. “You’ll be surprised. Do you want me to be sweet to you?”

“No thanks,” Renjun wags his finger in Jaemin’s face. “Let’s have a strictly business relationship. No talking to me unless it’s related to this couples therapy study.”

“That’s no fun,” Jaemin protests, quickening his pace to catch up with Renjun as he makes his way towards the cafe. “Come on, share something real about yourself. Is ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ really your favourite song?”

“No,” Renjun admits, a flush colouring his cheeks. Bored out of his mind during the session, he had only said that to annoy the living hell out of Jaemin.

“Knew it,” Jaemin smiles wryly, his lips pulling up slightly at the edges. Renjun can’t help but stare — as much as he hates to admit it, Jaemin does have a nice smile, especially when he isn’t throwing snarky remarks around. There’s something about it that makes Renjun unable to look away, and he doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.

To be fair, Renjun did think Jaemin was pretty, but that was before he opened his mouth. Thinking about his initial impression of Jaemin puts an immediate blush on Renjun’s cheeks; he cannot imagine how Jaemin would react if he catches wind of this.

“So what is it? Is it Cruel Summer?” Jaemin is still staring at him curiously as he cocks his head to the right. “Or Champagne Problems?”

“How did you know that?” Renjun gapes at him. Even Donghyuck, his roommate for four years, had trouble guessing his favourite Taylor Swift song. It’s incredible how Jaemin managed to get not one, but two of his all time favourites in one try.

“What can I say?” Jaemin’s eyes twinkle, as if he knows a secret that Renjun doesn’t. “You are rather predictable, Renjun.”

Well, if Renjun is predictable, then Jaemin must be the exact embodiment of unpredictability.

Renjun groans and tries to hide behind the potted plant when he spots Jaemin walking towards him, a merry smile on his face. He had instructed Jaemin multiple times to not search for him in the art block for no reason, but apparently none of his warnings have gone into his head.

“What do you want?” Renjun hisses as Jaemin slides into place beside him, both of them loitering suspiciously beside the leafy plant. It’s not a good hiding spot; Renjun can already see random students ogling them curiously.

“Jeez, look a little happier to see me, will you?” Jaemin tuts, before scanning his surroundings surreptitiously. “Anywhere we can go? We need to learn more about each other before the next session.”

“What?”

“Have you forgotten what the psychologist said? We need to spend more time together and share with her three new things that we’ve learnt about each other.”

Renjun definitely does not remember the psychologist saying anything about that, but he wasn’t really paying that much attention during the session anyway. Three new things about each other? Renjun sneaks a look at Jaemin — other than his name and his major, he doesn’t know anything about him.

“Alright,” Renjun sighs. “I booked an art room. You can join me while I finish up some course work.”

Jaemin trails after him as Renjun switches on the lights to the cozy little art room, dumping his art supplies onto the tabletop. Since he was young, painting has always been a therapeutic process for him. He doesn’t usually like it when there are people watching him paint, but somehow Jaemin’s presence isn’t as annoying as he had expected.

It’s quite the opposite actually — Renjun can feel an unwelcome blush tainting his cheeks as Jaemin stares at him. Trying his best to ignore that intense gaze, he pulls out his pencil and starts working on a blank canvas.

“Am I distracting you?” Jaemin breaks the silence, looking uncertain as he sits across Renjun on the bench. “I can find you at another time.”

“Just sit there since you are already here,” Renjun rolls his eyes. “Ask anything you want, and share anything about yourself too.”

“Okay well...this is random, but my hobby is actually photography,” Jaemin sounds embarrassed. “Not many people know about this, but I love photographing pretty things. There’s something so beautiful about capturing the best moments.”

“Yeah?” Renjun pauses from where he is doing a rough sketch, looking up to see a pink flush on the tip of Jaemin’s ears. “What are you embarrassed for? I think that’s...cute.”

“Yeah?” A pleased smile rises onto Jaemin’s face, and Renjun has to physically hold himself back from staring. He shifts his gaze back onto his canvas, cursing himself internally when he realises that he had sketched nothing concrete.

“What about you? What do you like to do other than painting?” Jaemin puts both of his elbows onto the table, looking at Renjun contemplatively. There’s something about the way he stares that makes Renjun feel exposed, and he squirms uncontrollably in his chair, yet another flush climbing up his nape.

“I like…” Renjun doodles a tiny heart at the edge of his canvas. “I like walking at night,” he finally settles for an answer. “I like the feeling of taking a stroll in the dark.”

He has always craved the feeling of walking quietly at midnight with someone — dancing around the streetlights, watching the lights in the windows slowly blink out, talking under the stars for hours about anything and everything.

“I know what you mean,” Jaemin says, a strangely wistful look on his face when he looks back at Renjun.

We can walk together. These four words hang precariously at the tip of Renjun’s tongue, but he swallows it back before he says anything he knows he’ll regret.

Though he no longer detests Jaemin as much, he has to admit that he is only tolerable right now. It’s always complicated when you strike a deal with a stranger — you never know where the two of you stand. Jaemin has just barely crossed the line between acquaintance and stranger, and Renjun is pretty sure they don’t know enough about each other to be considered friends.

Lost in his thoughts, Renjun doesn’t even notice that Jaemin has shifted closer until he is seated right in front of him. His long eyelashes cast delicate shadows over his collarbones, fluttering as he blinks at Renjun.

“Stop staring,” Renjun pokes Jaemin with the blunt end of his pencil. “Continue sharing about yourself.”

“Alright, continue working,” Jaemin waves him away with a small smile. Ever since they got over their initial petty arguments, Jaemin has started throwing around his smiles casually, and they can be rather distracting.

For someone who is supposed to be sketching, Renjun can feel his hands itching to doodle something. As Jaemin continues to talk animatedly, Renjun ditches his original drawing and starts to doodle around his canvas absentmindedly.

Under the fluorescent lamp, light bounces off Jaemin’s eyes. His irises blend together with the bright rays, shining brighter than anything Renjun has ever seen. Renjun finds himself slowly drawing the shape of an eye as Jaemin laughs, a hearty sound that reverberates around the room and lingers even after a few seconds.

Renjun has always thought that it would be painful spending time with Jaemin alone, but the ambience is strangely comfortable. He doesn’t feel a need to constantly think of a topic to talk about, so he just lets Jaemin say whatever he wants while he sketches quietly. There isn’t the initial awkwardness you feel whenever you make a new friend — if they are even considered friends now — and Renjun is grateful for that.

“Oh!” Jaemin leaps after half an hour, eyes darting to the clock hanging on the wall. “I have to go now, but have fun working on your art project. Remember to write down three random facts you’ve found out about me.”

That had completely slipped Renjun’s mind. He had been so distracted the whole time that he barely even caught anything that Jaemin had shared about himself. Sighing, Renjun bids Jaemin goodbye half-heartedly as he gathers up his pencils.

And if Renjun leaves the art room with nothing on his canvas except for a hastily-doodled eye that looks suspiciously like Jaemin’s, it is nobody else’s business but his.

When he gets back to the dorm later that day, Renjun digs out a spare piece of paper and pens down three thoughts he has about Jaemin. They come easily, and he surprises himself with how much he had found out about Jaemin in less than an hour.

Three things Renjun learnt about Jaemin:

1. He likes capturing beautiful moments with his camera.

2. He likes to smile. A lot.

3. He has pretty eyes (strictly speaking from an artist’s perspective …)

It’s not until one week later, when he bumps into Jaemin at the library, that he finally gets to peek at what Jaemin has written.

Three things Jaemin learnt about Renjun:

1. He likes taking night strolls.

2. He has a habit of chewing on his lips whenever he paints.

3. He has pretty features. It would be nice to take a picture of him with my camera.

✎

The first time Renjun did trust fall, he was still a scrawny little kid in kindergarten. It was such a mundane and boring activity that he stayed out of all the future trust falls. He had never expected that his second time doing trust fall would be with Jaemin, in the middle of a psychologist’s office.

“You better catch me,” Renjun whispers threateningly as he crosses his arms around his chest. “If you don’t, I’ll murder you when we get out later.”

“Calm down,” Jaemin laughs, holding his hands up. He is standing right behind him, and Renjun can feel Jaemin’s chest rumbling against his back as he chuckles. Jesus christ. Renjun can barely bring himself to take a breath.

He rocks on the balls of his feet, leaning back a little to test it out. A warm hand presses against his spine almost immediately, and Jaemin sighs near his ear in exasperation. "You can fall back fully, it’s okay. You are so tiny, I can literally catch you with one hand.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, taking a deep breath as he lets himself fall without any restraint. Sure enough, Jaemin’s arm comes up to hold his shoulders, catching him in place. Their disparity in height usually doesn’t bother Renjun, but in times like this, the few inches Jaemin has on him really becomes more prominent.

Jaemin looks down, warm fingers curling around his shoulder, and suddenly Renjun can’t breathe. He can feel his breath catching in his throat, sending tingles all around his body. Coughing lightly, Renjun turns away, willing the hot flush on his neck to die down before he embarrasses himself any further.

Getting shy around Jaemin? He has truly reached a new low. God, maybe Donghyuck was right. He needs to get laid.

“Great job,” the psychologist’s voice breaks him out from his reverie. “Trust fall might seem insignificant, but it’s important for you to understand that you can trust each other. The goal for this week is to work together and help each other through hard times.”

Jaemin hums in agreement, his hand sliding lower to rest on Renjun’s hip. He taps absentmindedly against his hip bone, and Renjun swallows nervously. He’s suddenly hyper aware of everything that has to do with Jaemin, from the warm fingers on his hip all the way to his citrus-scented shampoo that Renjun can distinctly smell.

Pulling away hastily and hoping Jaemin can’t tell that he is panicking, Renjun laughs nervously. "Right, we’ll um...help each other through hard times.”

Jaemin looks at him in bewilderment, hand sliding off his hip slowly, and Renjun is finally able to breathe again. Trying to calm his heart down, Renjun puts some space between him and Jaemin. This is getting ridiculous.

“What hard times are you facing?” The edges of Jaemin’s lips quirk up as he drops his voice to a whisper. “Care to share? We can solve the issue together.”

“Shush,” Renjun elbows him gently, deadpanning when Jaemin feigns a wince. “I only said that so she wouldn’t be suspicious. Now shut up and let’s pay attention.”

“Mean,” Jaemin retorts, but there’s no bite in his words. He turns back to the psychologist with a megawatt smile, and wow, he is really good at this whole acting as a couple thing.

Renjun shakes his head and sighs as the psychologist continues with her questions. He can still feel the lingering warmth of Jaemin’s fingers on his hips, and his skin tingles at the thought of Jaemin wrapping an arm around his waist again.

It’s embarrassing to be thinking about this when Jaemin is sitting right next to him, not more than a few inches away. Renjun can feel his face flushing hotly as he looks down at his hands.

Jesus, what in the world is wrong with him? He really needs to get a grip.

In retrospect, Renjun really should have seen this coming. The past few weeks have been too peaceful, and he should have known that a shitstorm was bound to hit sooner or later.

Out of all the days in the week, everything started going downhill on Wednesday, quite literally the worst day to ever exist. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, and everything that shouldn’t have gone wrong somehow managed to go wrong too.

By the time Renjun drags himself out of his last lecture, he can feel fatigue pulling at every single one of his muscles. Somehow, in the span of a few hours, he managed to not only screw up his art presentation and get his project proposal rejected three times, but also mess up a painting so badly that he had to redo it. It’s incredible how a day that had started out completely fine could become so shitty in no time.

Renjun collapses face down into his pillow, groaning as he throws his bag to the side of the room. The sky outside has already darkened, but he still hasn’t had dinner yet. He should probably take a shower and lie down in bed with a cup of tea, but he doesn’t even have the energy to walk to the bathroom.

“Renjun!” Donghyuck shouts from the living room, and Renjun gives a muffled hum in reply. “Your boyfriend is here!”

“My what?” Renjun’s brain is too muddled to think clearly. He can feel himself short-circuiting as he tries to make out what Donghyuck had just said. His boyfriend?

A familiar voice says something to Donghyuck, and Renjun frowns.

“I don’t have a fucking boyfriend!” Renjun yells back at him.

“Sorry, my bad,” Donghyuck laughs from outside. “Your fake boyfriend, I mean.”

“Hey, it’s me,” Jaemin pokes his head in, smiling when he catches sight of Renjun curled up in a lump on the bed.

Oh. His fake boyfriend. The couples therapy study —

“Hey,” Renjun raises a hand to wave lazily at Jaemin.

— wait.

Renjun sits up in a flash, head pounding a little from that sudden action. It finally registers in him that Jaemin is standing in his room, waiting patiently for him to get up. “What are you doing here?”

“Had to ask you something about the next two sessions,” Jaemin blinks at him, before he leans closer to stare at Renjun’s face. “Are you okay? You look tired.”

Renjun’s first thought is to say yes, but Jaemin is looking at him so earnestly that he can’t bring himself to lie. “Not really,” he admits, flopping back down onto his bed with a sigh. “It was a horrible day.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Jaemin pulls off his scarf, taking a seat at the edge of Renjun’s bed. “I’m free the entire night.”

“That would be forcing me to relive those terrible experiences again,” Renjun shudders. “No thanks. I would like to distract myself though, but I can’t bring myself to do anything.”

“Want a cup of hot chocolate?”

Renjun shakes his head mutely, turning over as Jaemin pats him on the leg. He is more than ready to wallow in a puddle of self-pity the entire night, and Jaemin being here probably won’t change anything.

“Come on, I know the perfect thing to do,” Jaemin’s eyes soften, and his voice is gentle when he reaches forward to slowly pull Renjun up by the arms. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Renjun kicks at a stray pebble on the ground, watching as it skitters across the road, before disappearing into the drain.

When he told Jaemin about how he likes taking nighttime strolls, he hadn’t expected him to remember it. Renjun peeks at him from the corner of his eye, a warm, fluttery feeling gushing into his chest.

The street lamps flicker overhead, illuminating the path in a soft shade of orange. There’s nothing interesting around the campus at night, but it feels pretty good to walk in the darkness with no destination whatsoever. Usually, the courtyards would be bustling with students, but there’s no one here now except for them.

Jaemin walks quietly beside him, footsteps light against the cobblestones. Renjun doesn’t say anything, and Jaemin lets him lose himself in the comforting silence as they make a second round around the library block. Somehow, perhaps because he has a soothing aura, it’s easy to walk with Jaemin.

“Hey,” Renjun begins slowly, flushing pink as Jaemin turns to look at him. “Thank you for walking with me. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to,” Jaemin says simply, the edges of his lips pulling up into a tiny smile as he bumps Renjun’s shoulder gently. “Feel better?”

“Mmh,” Renjun hums. “Told you! Waking at night is therapeutic.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin looks like he wants to say something more, but decides against it at the last second.

“Well…” Renjun waves at the empty road in front of them. “This street looks so pretty at night, too bad you didn’t bring your camera.”

“My phone will do,” Jaemin grins, snapping a quick photo. He shows it to Renjun proudly, a pleased smile on his face as Renjun marvels at the way he managed to capture the soft orange hues perfectly.

Renjun turns away to continue walking, but before he even takes a few steps, he hears a sudden click. Whirling around, he looks back to see Jaemin pointing his phone at him, looking very much like a deer caught in headlines.

“What are you doing?” Renjun protests, reaching out to grab his phone, but Jaemin dances out of his reach. “I’m literally in slippers, I look like shit.”

“Nah, I’m keeping that,” Jaemin shakes his head, laughing as he peeks at his phone. “Cute.”

“Remember what I told you?” Jaemin smiles, hair tousled by the night breeze. “I like to take pictures of pretty things.”

Renjun’s heart thuds against his collarbone. Something that he has come to realise about Jaemin is that he is a mindless flirt, and Renjun can never differentiate between when he is joking and when he is not.

Is he joking now? Something gallops in his chest and swoops downwards into the pit of his stomach.

Standing under the streetlamp, half of Jaemin’s face is illuminated. He tilts his head, waiting for Renjun’s response, and light catches on the other half of his face. Jesus, Renjun can’t help but think as he stares at Jaemin, he really has such a pretty face.

Jaemin smiles wider, his eyes crinkling, and Renjun’s heart thumps against his rib cage again.

Oh no.

✎

“You have to show it to me!” Renjun demands as he tries to peek behind Jaemin. “Come on, I showed you mine.”

“It’s ugly,” Jaemin shakes his head resolutely, his cheeks tinted a rare shade of pink. Renjun hates to admit it, but he does look kinda cute with how adamant he is about hiding his drawing.

As some sort of weird couples therapy activity, the psychologist made both of them sketch pictures of each other. Now, that’s right up Renjun’s alley, but when it comes to Jaemin, it’s a whole different question. He was squinting the entire session, brows furrowed in concentration as he picked out markers of different colours.

“It can’t be that bad,” Renjun cajoles, smirking as he makes grabby hands at Jaemin. He was dying to see Jaemin’s sketch the entire time he was drawing, and there’s no way he is going to walk off today without seeing Jaemin’s artwork at least once.

“Fine,” Jaemin relents, the apples of his cheeks darkening into a distinct shade of red as he turns away, sticking out his paper. “You aren’t allowed to say anything though.”

Renjun leans forward, and his heart swoops downwards into his stomach when Jaemin’s drawing comes into view. It’s colourful, that’s Renjun’s first thought. Jaemin has definitely put a lot of effort into making sure that Renjun is drawn in the most vibrant colours, but it’s apparent that he hasn’t put much thought into how the colours would look when mixed together.

What he produced at the end is a ghastly mismatch of green, purple and orange all clumped together on a disfigured face that bears zero resemblance to Renjun. Jaemin even added a flower crown to what Renjun assumes must be his head, and a tiny daisy sits in the middle of his chest. It’s ugly in a cute way, and it looks so much like a drawing done by a preschooler that Renjun can’t help but laugh.

“You are laughing,” Jaemin glares at him in an accusatory manner. “You literally major in art, you can’t compare yours to mine. I put in a lot of work! Look at the colours!”

Renjun stares at the two purple dots that are supposed to be his eyes. “It’s...cute. Cute in the ugly way, but still cute.”

“It’s more colourful than yours. I drew it with you in mind,” Jaemin sniffs, giving him an affronted look. “Look at your plain pencil sketch.”

“Oh?” Renjun points at the bright colours on the paper, an amused smile rising onto his face. “So you think I’m a mix of green, purple and orange?”

“No,“ Jaemin mutters, snatching his drawing back. “She only had these colours, but I think you give off colourful vibes, so I made use of all the markers.”

That only makes the drawing even cuter. Renjun glances at the misshapen head that Jaemin had drawn, before thrusting his own delicately-sketched, realistic sketch into Jaemin’s hands.

“I want your drawing. Let’s exchange.”

“You want my drawing?” Jaemin looks at him in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Renjun nods, hoping he doesn’t regret whatever decision he is about to make right now. “It’s a good deal. You get my realistic sketch and I get...that.”

“Okay, on one condition. Come with me to the carnival this weekend.”

“The carnival?” Renjun frowns, looking quizzically at Jaemin. What does the carnival have to do with their couple sketch? “What? Do you want us to flaunt our drawings there or something?”

“No, of course not,” Jaemin scoffs, but he sounds weirdly flustered. There’s even a barely-noticeable pink hue on his cheeks as he scratches at his head. “The psychologist said that we need to work on discovering each other’s love languages this week.”

Renjun raises an eyebrow. “I told her already, my love language is spending quality time together with those I care about.”

“I know,” if it’s even possible, Jaemin’s bloom into a brighter shade of scarlet. “So we should go to the carnival. If you agree to come with me, I’ll give you my drawing.”

Jaemin wants to spend time with him at the carnival? Renjun doesn’t know why, but he can feel himself flushing as Jaemin continues gazing at him. There’s something about the way he looks at people with those sharp, intense eyes, that always sends butterflies fluttering up a storm in his stomach.

That’s definitely not healthy. Renjun makes a mental note to find out what in the world is going with himself, because it’s honestly getting a little ridiculous at this point. There’s no reason why he should be feeling like this around Jaemin, because it feels a little like he’s in —

“Hey,” Jaemin waves a hand in front of his face, pulling him back from the whirlpool of screaming thoughts in his head. “Come with me to the carnival? We can spend time and have fun together before our end of year exams.”

— yeah. There’s no way Renjun is going to finish that sentence in his brain.

“Okay fine,” Renjun rolls his eyes. “Come on, hand your drawing over.”

“There you go,” Jaemin looks ecstatic when he places the piece of paper in Renjun’s hands, and a triumphant smile tugs at the edge of his lips. “Meet you at the carnival in the afternoon on Saturday!”

“You didn’t draw this,” is the first thing that Donghyuck says when Renjun pins the drawing on top of his table. “Oh my god, you definitely didn’t draw this.”

Renjun ignores him as he straightens the sketch. The splash of colour sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of his pristine white table, brighter and more colourful than all the mono-coloured stationery he owns. In a way, it’s like adding a part of Jaemin onto his table, and that brings an unconscious smile onto Renjun’s face.

“Uh oh,” Donghyuck shakes his head, leaning forward to peer at the drawing. “You’re smiling, which means it has to do with Jaemin. Did he draw this?”

“It’s ugly,” Donghyuck snickers as he inspects the hastily-drawn flowers.

“It’s cute.”

“Ugly.”

“Ugly in the cute way,” Renjun narrows his eyes. He doesn’t even know why he is fighting so hard for some ugly little drawing that Jaemin drew, because it doesn’t even matter honestly.

“Do you wanna hear what I have to say?” Donghyuck has that expression on his face, which means Renjun is definitely not going to like it. “Well, I think that you’re —”

Renjun tugs at him and pushes him out of his room, ignoring his indignant protests. “Hey! Listen to me!” Donghyuck whines as Renjun slams the door in his face. “Come on, you need to face it.”

Renjun slumps onto his table, sighing as Jaemin’s drawing flutters lightly in the wind. He has been seeing Jaemin so frequently these past few weeks that he doesn’t even know what to do anymore. When they first met, he was convinced that they wouldn’t ever last a day without fighting, but now everything has changed.

There’s a strange, yet weirdly pleasant feeling of something warm gushing into the cavity of his heart. It always lingers when Jaemin is around, and Renjun can feel it tickling at his heart now, a steady and unyielding presence..

Donghyuck is right. Perhaps he really does have to face it.

Jaemin is already waiting for him near the entrance of the carnival when he finally arrives. Renjun stares at him from a distance, heart doing a tiny tap-dance in the middle of his chest. Somehow, Jaemin always has that inexplicable ability to make him feel all giddy and breathless, as if he had just gone on three rollercoasters in a row.

“Hey!” Jaemin catches sight of him, a big smile blooming on his face as he waves Renjun over.

“Hello,” Renjun jogs over, already a little breathless. Jaemin looks so handsome up close — even better than usual, in fact — that Renjun has to physically stop himself from doing anything stupid. Coughing to hide his embarrassment, he looks away and steadies himself.

“You look cute,” Jaemin scans him from head to toe, laughing when he sees the cartoon cat printed on Renjun’s hoodie. “That’s a cute cat. It looks a little like you.”

Renjun squirms, willing the blush away from his ears as he tugs at the edges of his hoodie. Just this morning, he had a whole crisis while digging through his closet for something to wear, and it took the collective effort of both him and Donghyuck ransacking their room to even find something remotely decent for his date.

Now, here’s the issue. Renjun is convinced that this isn’t a date, that Jaemin merely wants to have some fun before their exams, but Donghyuck has been insisting vehemently that it is a date. Jaemin didn’t specify, so he doesn’t want to assume anything, but he has to admit that the idea of a date doesn’t sound too bad.

“Lost in your thoughts again?” Jaemin knocks him on the forehead gently, eyes crinkling up as he grabs Renjun’s hand. “Come on, let’s go have fun.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, letting Jaemin pull him towards the entrance. Date or not, one thing’s for sure: a day with Jaemin at the carnival would definitely be fun.

There’s still a good amount of people in the park even though it’s already late afternoon. Renjun can hear squealing and screaming everywhere, the sounds mixing together in a dissonant cacophony. A rollercoaster flies by overhead, and the ground trembles beneath his feet.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been to a carnival,” Jaemin marvels, eyes alight with wonder as he looks around. He’s not even doing anything, but there’s something so pretty about him that makes Renjun unable to take his eyes off.

“Where do you wanna go?” Renjun tries to ignore the way Jaemin’s fingers are still wrapped around his wrist, even though it’s the most distracting thing ever.

“Rollercoaster!” Jaemin's smile glows in the remaining light from the evening sun, and he looks so ecstatic that Renjun doesn’t have the heart to confess that he is absolutely terrified of heights.

And well…that’s how he sealed his fate. He ends up going to not one, but three roller coasters in total. By the time it all ends, Renjun feels as if he had just lost his entire stomach, but the glee in Jaemin’s laughter makes it all worth it. Usually, he would close his eyes out of terror, but he managed to keep them open for at least half the ride this time, and it was indeed a rewarding sight. Tiny wisps of hair whip around Jaemin’s face as he raises his hands in joy; it makes him seem a lot more carefree, and Renjun can’t help but laugh together with him.

After the rollercoasters, Jaemin drags him to the tiny stores in the middle of the park. He insists on trying out an archery game and declares that he’ll win a cat plushie for Renjun, before proceeding to miss almost all his shots. It’s cute, the way his nose scrunches up in concentration as he tugs on the bow, and Renjun is laughing too hard to even feel sorry for him.

In the end, he manages to win a small bear the size of Renjun’s palm. “It’s so tiny,” Jaemin complains, placing it gingerly into Renjun’s hands. “I’m so sorry, I am good at Game Pigeon archery, I swear.”

“No, it’s cute,” Renjun looks up at him reassuringly as he cradles the bear. “I like it, don’t worry.” The smile that Jaemin shoots at him is just the tiniest bit cuter than the bear.

Finally, they end up at the ferris wheel, tucked at the corner of the carnival. Renjun thought it would be a popular spot, but there’s barely anyone queuing for it. At this point, his brain is already swimming with an overwhelming amount of thoughts.

He can even distinctly hear Donghyuck in his head, which is getting kind of concerning: Dude. Dudeeeee, if he brings you to the ferris wheel, that means he wants to kiss you so badly. Only couples go on ferris wheels! And what do they do there? They make out!

God. Renjun shakes his head to get rid of Donghyuck and his unhelpful advice. He can feel the back of his neck flaming as Jaemin stares curiously at him. “Wanna go on the ferris wheel?”

“What?” Renjun yelps, looking around surreptitiously. He can see two couples in front of them, draped all over each other, and that causes him to flush once again. “Yeah, um, I don’t mind.”

If he thought the queueing process was nerve-wrecking, getting into the capsules with Jaemin is ten times worse. There’s something about the both of them being cramped together, legs tightly pressed against each other and faces barely a few centimetres apart that leaves Renjun absolutely breathless.

Jaemin’s face is so close to his that he fears he might go cross-eyed if he continues staring. He looks away, hoping that the sky is dark enough for his blush to go unnoticed by Jaemin. The back of his neck tingles uncontrollably, and Renjun feels so flustered that it’s honestly getting out of control.

Thankfully, it’s Jaemin who breaks the silence first. “The sky outside is pretty, isn’t it?”

Renjun looks towards the tiny window, the beautiful sunset slowly inching into his horizon as their capsule rises. He can see golden streaks painted all across the sky, leaving a trail of orangey yellow dust in its wake. The sun is a sinking ball of fire, and Renjun can’t help but lean forward to absorb all of its dying beauty.

“Yeah, it is very—” Renjun turns back, voice catching in his throat when he realises how close Jaemin is. There’s barely a few milimetres between their noses, and Renjun can distinctly see his eyelashes fluttering, casting tiny shadows on his cheek. “—pretty.”

The sunset is truly a sight to behold. But Jaemin, face painted in hues of orange and yellow, is a whole different level of beauty. Renjun can feel his heart thumping out of his chest as Jaemin continues to gaze at him quietly; the space in the capsule is so small that it’s impossible for Jaemin not to hear his thundering heartbeats.

“What?” Jaemin teases, leaning so close that Renjun feels dizzy. Eyes. Nose. Lips. Renjun’s eyes dart around Jaemin’s face, trying his best to avoid direct eye-contact just in case he combusts. “Am I too pretty? Is that why you are staring at me instead of the sun?”

Renjun swallows nervously. If he leans in a bit closer, just the tiniest bit closer, he is a hundred percent sure their lips would brush. That thought scares him almost immediately — he is so far gone that he is thinking about kissing Jaemin. Kissing him.

He tries to pull away, but Jaemin’s intense gaze locks him in place. Renjun can feel his heart palpitating wildly as Jaemin’s eyes travel down his face, gaze drifting from his nose to finally, finally land on his lips. His eyes linger there for longer than necessary, and Renjun can’t help but wonder if Jaemin wants to kiss him as much as he does.

Jaemin reaches forward to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear, and Renjun shivers. His fingertips are warm against his chin, and because Renjun lacks self control, he leans into Jaemin’s touch. That makes Jaemin smile automatically, fingers curling around the edge of Renjun’s chin gently.

He leans in, Renjun holds his breath, and that’s when the ferris wheel comes to a stop. The capsule opens, the sounds from the carnival come flooding back in a split second, and Renjun is shocked out of his daze. He can feel all the mortification crashing back into him, and he can barely even look Jaemin in the eye.

He was literally one second away from pouncing onto Jaemin in the goddamn ferris wheel. Jesus Christ. Renjun can feel a migraine slowly growing as he clambers out of the capsule, fanning himself to get rid of that heavy blush on his cheeks.

He really needs to start getting a grip, before he does something so stupid like actually jumping onto Jaemin. Knowing himself, that’s extremely likely to happen, so Renjun even tucks his hands into his pockets for good measure.

Glancing at Jaemin next to him, Renjun can’t help but sigh. It’s going to be a tough evening.

“You are screwed,” Donghyuck snickers as Renjun screams into his pillow. “Like, totally screwed.”

“Thanks for telling me something I already know,” Renjun flips onto his back, closing his eyes in frustration. That’s a bad idea, because the moment his world turns black, his brain starts replaying the scene in the ferris wheel —

Jaemin staring at him.

Jaemin coming closer.

Jaemin touching his chin.

Jaemin looking like he wants to kiss him —

Renjun groans, opening his eyes in an instant, blinking away the pain as the ceiling light shines directly at him. It hurts, but at least that will rid him of all thoughts about Jaemin.

Donghyuck has been gloating ever since he opened the door to an extremely flustered Renjun and a cheerful Jaemin who had brought him back. He keeps trying to get Renjun to tell him about everything that’s happened, but this time he is adamant to keep his mouth shut.

Sighing softly, Renjun reaches up to brush his fingers across his chin. He can still feel the phantom warmth of Jaemin’s fingers, and that causes his cheeks to heat up uncontrollably. It’s probably quite unhealthy how much he blushes because of Jaemin nowadays, and Renjun makes a mental note to get his reddening issue in check.

“There you go again,” Donghyuck teases from beside him, an amused note in his voice. “Blushing and touching your chin like a lovesick teenager. Shame on you!”

✎

It’s yet another day of Jaemin crashing his dorm without any warning. Renjun lets him swivel around in his chair, chuckling as Jaemin pores over his sketchbook in wonder. Whenever Jaemin has time, he has started visiting their dorm for fun — he usually hangs around the kitchen making countless hot chocolates (Renjun has bullied him into doing that), but today Renjun decided to let him into his room.

“Hey, you kept it!” Jaemin laughs when he notices the sketch he made last week, stumbling over to Renjun’s table to take a good look at it.

“Yeah,” Renjun sighs, embarrassed. He can feel the familiar hot flush crawling its way up his neck, and he can only pray that Jaemin doesn’t notice anything. “Didn’t have anywhere to keep it.”

“Well, I kept your drawing in my wallet,” Jaemin admits, a proud expression on his face despite the obvious blush. “Special place for special things.”

He smiles, a genuinely happy one that sends Renjun’s insides tumbling. He can see the edges of Jaemin’s lips tugging up, and his heart pit-pats against his ribcage, palpitating at an abnormal pace. It’s just a simple smile from Jaemin, yet Renjun already feels so flustered that he doesn’t even know where to put his arms.

Oh no, Renjun thinks. Oh fucking no.

“Hypothetically speaking,” Renjun hesitates, before shaking his head as he thinks of how best to phrase his question. “Okay hypothetically speaking…”

“Yes, hypothetically speaking?” Donghyuck teases. “Come on, spit it out.”

“Okay so hypothetically speaking,” Renjun mumbles softly, trying hard not to blush. “Someone made a bad choice to participate in something with another person they are supposed to hate. But then along the way, they start to catch feelings, what should they do?”

Donghyuck chortles, and Renjun can’t help but grimace. That was a bad description, even an idiot would be able to tell that he was self-projecting.

“What you should do,” Donghyuck sighs, jabbing Renjun in the forehead, “Is to confess. Right now.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Renjun groans miserably. It’s one thing to hang around at parties and kiss random guys for fun because there’s no strings attached, but it’s a whole different story when it comes to telling the special someone three dreaded words.

Renjun can feel his throat tightening even just thinking about it. That time on the ferris wheel, he had been so close to just spitting those three words out, or even worse, just jumping Jaemin there and then. In fact, it had taken almost all his mental and physical willpower to not do anything rash.

“It will come to you,” Donghyuck consoles, voice gentle as he ruffles Renjun’s hair. “Don’t fret about it, it’s Jaemin! What’s the worst that can happen?”

Getting rejected, Renjun thinks dejectedly, but he swallows his words as Donghyuck tuts at him. “Stop thinking about it. You don’t know how Jaemin feels about you, so don’t always go for the worst case scenario. He might very well like you too.”

Renjun lays his head on the kitchen table as Donghyuck slides a cup of tea across the counter. He can see the calendar perfectly from this angle, and his gaze immediately slides to the box marked as Friday. The words Last Therapy Session! blink at him almost mockingly.

He still has three days before he sees Jaemin again for the last session. This also means that he has exactly three days to figure out his feelings for Jaemin and decide what to do with them. For two people who started out as strangers and were bound together unwillingly, what do they do at the end?

Renjun doesn’t want to think about that.

✎

“It’s our last session today,” Renjun nudges Jaemin lightly as they stand outside the psychologist’s office together. It’s only been four sessions so far, but it feels like they’ve known each other since forever.

“Yeah,” Jaemin sighs, the edge of his lips lifting up slightly as he grabs Renjun’s wrist in his hand. “Come on, let’s complete our last act together, boyfie.”

Our last act together. Jaemin sounds happy, but there’s something inexplicably sad about those few words. Renjun can feel his chest tightening as he lets Jaemin tug him into the room.

Up until now, they have yet to discuss what to do after the five sessions come to an end. Do they take the money and become strangers once again? Do they stay friends? It hurts to even think about how they might go back to not knowing each other once again. Honestly, without this whole couples therapy study, Renjun is pretty sure their paths would never have crossed.

It’s crazy to even think about life without Jaemin at this point. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, these few months have held all his happiest moments in life, and Jaemin definitely plays a big part.

“Hello,” There’s a secretive smile on the psychologist’s face, as if she knows something they don’t, and Renjun can feel his heart sinking all the way down to his stomach.

“It’s our last session today,” her eyes twinkle as she settles down in front of them. “It’s finally time for us to be completely honest with one another.”

Renjun exchanges panicked gazes with Jaemin. They’ve been performing so well these past few weeks that they’ve completely disregarded the fact the psychologist could have caught onto their plan.

“Come on, I know that the two of you aren’t actually dating,” the psychologist laughs at their shocked faces. Renjun widens his eyes, tapping his foot nervously against the floor. They didn’t come up with a plan on what to do if they get found out, and thinking back about it now, they probably should have. As if he can sense the distress radiating off Renjun, Jaemin places a hand on his thigh comfortingly.

“How did you tell?” Jaemin asks hesitantly. “You must have found out a long time ago.”

“Oh, from the second or third session, I already knew,” the psychologist continues. “It was funny, because I could tell that you didn’t even know much about each other.” Jaemin coughs beside him, looking absolutely horrified as he turns to Renjun.

“I can tell when two people are strangers, I can tell when two people are falling apart,” the psychologist smiles warmly. “I can also tell when two people are falling in love.”

No way. Renjun sucks in a deep breath at this. He can feel Jaemin tensing up beside him, the muscles in his arms tightening as he focuses on the psychologist. His own heart thumps loudly in his chest, resonating steadily in his ear.

“You started off not knowing anything about each other, but what about now? What do you feel about each other now?”

Renjun can hear Jaemin running after him, he tries to quicken his footsteps but he knows it’s all in vain. Jaemin has much longer legs, he’ll catch up in no time. Sighing, he slows down and waits for Jaemin.

It was too stifling in the psychologist’s room, too scary to truly face his feelings. He hadn’t thought about it when he left, but they probably screwed up the entire study, which means neither of them are getting any of the money. Not that it really matters anymore now.

“Hey,” Jaemin is breathless when he finally comes to a stop. “You left so fast, I almost couldn’t catch up.”

“Really?” Renjun raises an eyebrow, trying to mask the fact that his heart is beating out of his chest. Jaemin is still staring at him with those eyes, and Renjun looks away hurriedly. One more second and he’ll end up spilling his entire heart out right in the middle of the road.

He turns to continue walking, but a slight tug on his hand pulls him back. Renjun looks down to see Jaemin’s fingers circling around his wrist, warm as always. He waits for him to let go, but he only pulls Renjun closer instead.

“Why did you leave suddenly?” Jaemin tilts his head to the side, an indecipherable emotion swimming in his eyes. He looks like he wants to say something more, but decides against it at the last second.

“I left because…” Renjun struggles to find the right words, but his entire mouth feels like sandpaper. No one has ever told him confessing would be this difficult. “Because…”

“You know why,” he finally gives up, looking down at his shoes. There’s no way Jaemin doesn’t know, not after how he has been constantly blushing these few weeks whenever he is within a one-metre range of Jaemin. There’s no way he can’t tell.

“I don’t,” Jaemin’s voice is soft, tinged with just the slightest hint of uncertainty. “Tell me why.”

Renjun looks up at that. After weeks of being around Jaemin, he has come to learn that both of them are emotionally constipated, Jaemin even more so. It’s just three words, I like you. If he doesn’t say it right now, he will probably never ever say it.

“Is it because we kind of failed the study?” Jaemin grimaces, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Don’t worry about that, she said we are rather...interesting, so she’ll still pay us.”

“Oh, right,” Renjun mumbles. That was the last thing on his mind, actually. Somehow, somewhere along the way, these sessions have changed from being all about the prize money to becoming all about spending time with Jaemin.

“Jaemin,” Renjun is more than aware that he is still gazing down at him, and the butterflies in his stomach flutter up a gigantic storm. How does he say it? He licks his lips nervously, not missing the way Jaemin’s eyes linger around that area.

There’s an incredibly patient expression on his face that sends Renjun’s heart into an absolute frenzy. It seems like he knows exactly what Renjun wants to say, but at the same time Renjun has no clue what he is thinking about at all.

Curling his hand into a fist, Renjun leans forward. He can see Jaemin blinking back at him, eyes clear with anticipation, and that’s when he decides. Fuck it. There’s no way he can ever get those three words out, so he might as well just show Jaemin exactly how he feels.

It’s the faintest brush of lips. He holds onto Jaemin’s shoulder, tipping his toes just slightly and drops a fleeting kiss on his lips. His hands are trembling so hard and his eyes are shut so tightly that it feels as if he is back in middle school, having his first kiss all over again.

Maybe there’s just something so special about Jaemin that makes him feel like he is falling in love for the first time.

There’s a crazed look on Jaemin’s face when he finally pulls away, but the unadulterated happiness in his eyes are so clear that Renjun feels at ease immediately. It’s Jaemin, after all. There was really nothing that he should have worried about.

“Wow,” Jaemin wraps a hand around his waist, tugging him even closer than before. “Wow.”

“Get what I mean now?” Renjun feels a little breathless already, even though they’ve barely even done anything. He doesn’t usually kiss anyone while sober, much less someone like Jaemin, so for a moment he doesn’t quite know what to do.

Jaemin nods wordlessly, the smile on his face almost too blinding, and when he swoops down to finally kiss Renjun properly, everything clicks into place.

Renjun has kissed many people before, most of the time drunk out of his mind, but this. This is nothing like how he had ever imagined. It’s a little clumsy, a little hesitant as Jaemin moves against him. But at the same time, he is so incredibly gentle that Renjun feels like a puddle of gooey mess in his arms.

Jaemin tilts his chin up gently, the kiss becoming a little softer this time. He winds a hand behind Renjun’s head, fingertips resting softly on his nape, and Renjun melts. Jaemin’s lips are soft, pillowy against his, and Renjun can feel him smiling against his lips. It’s very much like Jaemin to smile into a kiss, Renjun can’t help but laugh silently.

When they finally pull apart, Renjun is truly breathless at this point. “You are a good kisser,” his tone is accusatory, betraying the tiniest bit of disbelief. “Spill, how many people have you kissed before?”

“Jealous already?” Jaemin laughs, a warm sound that sends Renjun’s insides tumbling. “It’ll only be you in the future, don’t worry.”

Jesus. Renjun flushes, putting both hands on Jaemin’s chest to push him away, but Jaemin only holds onto his waist tighter.

“Hey, isn’t it funny?” Jaemin muses, fingers tapping out a small tune on Renjun’s hip bones. It reminds him a little of when they were in their third session together, except Renjun doesn’t need to feel shy anymore.

“What’s funny?” Renjun knocks his head against Jaemin’s shoulder lightly.

“We literally started off from the opposite direction. Couples therapy before even dating?” Jaemin shakes his head and chuckles. “Crazy.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “It’s never too late.”

“Well, in that case,” Jaemin’s eyes are bright with wonder, and Renjun’s heart does its familiar somersault in the middle of his chest. “There’s no need for me to ask you to be my boyfriend then, since we’re already dating.”

“Idiot,” Renjun chastises, but he laughs anyway as Jaemin ruffles his hair endearingly.

When they first started out with the couples therapy study, Renjun had no idea how it would end. There were a thousand scenarios that he had conjured up in his brain, each ending with him and Jaemin becoming strangers once again after they got their money. But looking at Jaemin now, soft and warm against him, Renjun can’t help but smile.

This is the perfect ending.