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It’s not a rare occurrence for Kaoru to find himself in Sia la Luce after S, Kojiro pouring him a glass of wine while Carla is plugged in the wall, steadily charging.
An hour later it’s not rare for them to leave their empty wine glasses on the counter and climb the stairs to Kojiro’s apartment located on the floor above his restaurant, either. Kaoru kind of wishes it was, not because he doesn’t enjoy his time with Kojiro (they’ve been practically inseparable ever since they were kindergartners, constantly connecting with each other even when they lived in different countries, and Kaoru wouldn’t change one second of it) but because he knows he’s only getting his heart hurt once again.
Kojiro has had many of Kaoru’s firsts: first real friend, first skateboard ride back in elementary school, first person he came out to, first alcoholic drink, first (drunken) kiss.
First crush; first unrequited love.
He’s not going to tell Kojiro that much, of course, just like he’s not going to tell him how much he had wished Kojiro to be the first person he slept with (when Kaoru thinks of it now, he’s not sure if Ainosuke was the best choice either, since his heart got broken in the end anyway).
Kojiro has always been popular - and that means always, even when he got regularly sent to detention for skateboarding on school grounds - because he’s easy to like. He’s kind, effortlessly funny, and somehow gets more and more attractive with each passing year. Kaoru, on the other hand, often felt like people tolerated him just because wherever he was, Kojiro was too. He’s always been the odd one out; the delinquent with long hair and piercings, and usually the reason why Kojiro was skateboarding on school grounds to begin with.
However, Kojiro never complained. Quite the contrary, actually: even now he keeps thanking Kaoru for always skating with him, and keeping his life interesting after all these years, and supporting him and making every day something to look forward to.
Kaoru doesn’t really understand why Kojiro decides to spend his free time with someone like him when he could have anyone. He doesn’t understand why Kojiro, after being surrounded by gorgeous people the entire night at S, takes Kaoru to his closed restaurant for a glass of wine and then leads him upstairs, not bothering to turn any lights on because they both know their way around his apartment. He can’t wrap his head around why Kojiro is smiling all the time when he’s with Kaoru, even when he pushes him against a wall and kisses him.
It’s been going on for some time now, the pattern where after S the two of them sit down for a glass of wine, and then share Kojiro’s bed for the night. They never really talk about it, and Kaoru blames it on adrenaline and getting wine drunk, and his inability to say no to Kojiro. Kaoru doesn’t even remember how it all started, other than at first they used to empty more than one bottle of wine.
Now they barely finish one full glass.
Kojiro is gentle with him, always has been. Kaoru thinks it should be impossible for a man his size to touch so softly, to notice the smallest details in Kaoru’s body language and know exactly how to handle them. Kojiro kisses him deep and slow, tongue curling behind his teeth, while his hands carefully take off the clothes that play a major role in the facade Kaoru is so used to hiding behind. Sometimes Kaoru gets frustrated and almost snaps, telling Kojiro to hurry up and not worry about his clothes staying intact - it’s not like he doesn’t have the money to replace them, because he does - but when he’s about to spit the words out, he meets eyes with Kojiro and every coherent thought leaves his mind.
Because no one else has ever looked at Kaoru like Kojiro does, with such softness and adoration, and Kaoru hates to see it, because that’s how Kojiro looks at everyone else, too. Kojiro is full of love, always ready to give and receive it, and Kaoru has had to learn that he’s not special.
Sometimes, however, Kaoru lets himself believe that he is; that he is someone special to Kojiro, and not just because they’ve been friends for two decades and Kojiro knows him better than anyone else, but because Kojiro loves him in the same way he loves Kojiro.
That’s why Kaoru didn’t question it when a few months back they got black-out drunk after S and ended up sleeping together for the first time. Kaoru reasoned with himself that it was just their way to destress, that they were too drunk and too high on adrenaline to really think it through. However, he should have questioned it when it kept happening again and again with less and less alcohol in their blood, but Kojiro didn’t say anything either, so Kaoru decided to let it slide.
Secretly he got hopeful, just like he’s gotten hopeful so many times in the past, and although he knows it’s in vain, at the same time he’s not ready for another Kojiro-related heartbreak.
Not now, when Kojiro gently slips Kaoru’s hakama off his shoulders and carefully folds it over the back of a chair but doesn’t go pick up his own jacket and pants, leaving them creased and rumpled on the floor. Kaoru thinks it’s ridiculous, but he doesn’t comment on it - mostly because he’s not sure what Kojiro’s answer would be.
So instead of saying something he lets Kojiro step back into his personal space and kiss him, press into him like that’s where he naturally belongs, and guide him towards the bedroom, not bothering to whisper directions to him because they both know how familiar Kaoru is with the apartment. It’s dark, Kaoru has had a glass of wine, and Kojiro is kissing him like he was hungry for it, so finding his way through the apartment isn’t easy. He keeps getting distracted by Kojiro’s wandering hands that trace the dip of his waist and pull him closer before fingertips run over his ribs and settle behind his neck, Kojiro’s tongue licking into his mouth with the same overwhelming need Kaoru feels bubbling in his veins.
Kaoru doesn’t even realize Kojiro has pressed him against a wall again until he slowly blinks his eyes open as Kojiro pulls away to leave a string of kisses on his neck, his mouth hot and a thigh slot between Kaoru’s legs. They’re just outside the bedroom and he’s teasing Kaoru on purpose, riling him up like they were about to have a race, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make Kaoru practically beg for it - beg for him. He can feel Kojiro’s smile in the kiss he places on his jawline when he rolls his hips and grinds against Kojiro’s thigh, embarrassingly wet already, but Kaoru isn’t going to give him the satisfaction of asking for more (not yet, at least).
Kaoru tries not to think that this is what Kojiro does with everyone he brings to his apartment. He tries not to think about all the pretty faces Kojiro flirts so comfortably with in and outside of S. He’s charming by nature, irresistible even, but Kaoru knows most of those people only care about Kojiro because he has a strong body, a beautiful smile and skating skills worth praising for.
They don’t deserve Kojiro, but he gives himself to them so easily. It’s infuriating, really.
“Kaoru.” He blinks upon hearing his name, meeting eyes with Kojiro in the dark. There’s the soft look again, the one that’s always accompanied with a small smile. Kojiro tucks a strand of hair that has escaped from Kaoru’s ponytail behind his ear, and for some reason it makes Kaoru blush more fiercely than anything else they’ve done that night. “You’re in your head again. What are you thinking about?”
Kaoru hates how well Kojiro knows him, how he can tell immediately if he’s growing anxious; if he’s worried, sad, angry, happy.
“You,” Kaoru whispers, knowing very well he shouldn’t admit that, but he’s tired of pretending he doesn’t want Kojiro - especially because one of Kojiro’s hands is gripping his ass, a tiny moan escaping his mouth when Kaoru rolls his hips and presses their bodies together. The sound goes straight between Kaoru’s legs, his wet pussy clenching around nothing, and he prays that Kojiro doesn’t feel it against his thigh.
“Cute,” Kojiro teases, quick to pull Kaoru into the bedroom with him before he gets a chance to elbow Kojiro between the ribs. Kaoru tries to put on an annoyed face yet he follows Kojiro without saying anything and lets him guide him to the bed, actually thrilled to have Kojiro climb on top of him. The room is dark but Kaoru can tell Kojiro’s eyes are wide and needy, curls of hair framing his beautifully flushed face. His skin is warm under Kaoru’s fingertips, and Kaoru wouldn’t admit he’s memorized where the outlines of Kojiro’s tattoo lie even if he can trace its shape perfectly in the pitch-black room.
Kojiro moves slowly, carefully kissing every inch of Kaoru’s body, only letting out an amused hum when Kaoru tells him to hurry up. He glances at Kaoru and gives him a smile instead of changing the pace he’s set, and Kaoru doesn’t have any other option but to focus on how hot Kojiro’s mouth is; how soft the lips dragging over his skin are, and how they curve into a small smile at every gasp and whimper Kaoru can’t keep down. He fights against the tears that gather in the corners of his eyes when Kojiro’s entirely too gentle hands swipe over the scars on his chest and pet his ribs; his sides, his stomach, his hips.
Kaoru almost wants to say something snarky when Kojiro looks for his eyes, fingertips resting on the waistband of his underwear, because Kaoru would instantly tell him if he wanted to stop, and Kojiro knows that. Yet he still waits for Kaoru’s annoyed huff and the nod of his head before undressing him, and Kaoru pretends it doesn’t make him blink away tears again.
Mentally Kaoru thanks the Gods neither of them decided to turn any lights on earlier, because he can feel how damn wet he already is, and he’d be mortified if Kojiro said something about it. He lets Kojiro guide his thighs apart and settle himself between them, the gaze of his half-lidded eyes like fire on Kaoru’s skin. He places a hand on Kaoru’s lower stomach and slowly drags his thumb over his clit, seemingly enjoying how it makes Kaoru shiver. His touch is teasing, feather-like and lazy as he draws a circle around the aching clit, laughing out a half-hearted apology when Kaoru curses at him.
It’s easy to tell that Kojiro enjoys it, having Kaoru at his mercy like this and making him feel good, but Kaoru doesn’t let himself read too much into the look on Kojiro’s face.
The bottom of Kaoru’s stomach gets filled with sparks when Kojiro lies down between his legs and gets comfortable, placing open-mouthed kisses on Kaoru’s inner thighs. He makes sure to leave a few marks on them, and Kaoru already knows seeing the fading bruises there is going to make him hot all over again and again.
It’s unfair how easily Kojiro can make him unravel, just like that with a few carefully placed kisses and touches.
”Everything okay?” Kojiro asks. His voice is deep, a little rough around the edges, and his warm breathing ghosts over Kaoru’s wet hole and makes it drip.
”Yeah, yeah,” Kaoru assures, running a hand through his hair to keep it from falling on his face. ”Just fuck me already.”
”What’s the hurry?” Kojiro asks and kisses Kaoru just above his clit before licking the flat of his tongue through his folds, not bothering to wait for an answer.
“Fucker,” Kaoru hisses through his teeth, the unexpected wave of pleasure storming through him, making him roll his hips. Kojiro is smiling when he presses Kaoru firmly against the mattress, tongue dipping deeper into him. Kaoru doesn’t know what to do with his hands as Kojiro’s strong arms around his thighs pull him closer, so close his way too wet cunt makes Kojiro’s chin shiny and sticky, and when he finally gathers fistfuls of curly hair between his fingers, Kaoru isn't sure does he want to push Kojiro off or keep him there, so incredibly close it should be obscene and disgusting (but it isn’t because it’s Kojiro, and Kaoru is weak ).
Kaoru tries not to get too loud, he really tries because he doesn’t want to miss any of the tiny sounds Kojiro makes, but he can’t help it when Kojiro starts properly blowing him, gleeful sparkles filling his eyes at the first broken moan Kaoru lets out. He runs his tongue along the length of Kaoru’s aching cock, kisses it sweetly before pillowing his lips around it again and sucking. Two of his fingers slip easily into Kaoru’s pussy, and although Kojiro knows Kaoru hates how high-pitched his voice can still get, he secretly enjoys the small ah, ah, ah ’s each quick flick of his wrist manages to pull out of Kaoru.
“Ko- Koji- fuck!” Kaoru sounds almost alarmed, his cunt clenching against his will around Kojiro’s fingers. He tugs at his hair, tries to force him away, but Kojiro doesn’t budge: instead he holds on tighter, curls the fingers buried deep inside Kaoru and hums in satisfaction as Kaoru comes on his tongue.
Kojiro is careful in his next movements, slowly pulling his fingers out while leaving kisses on Kaoru’s thighs, hips and stomach. Kaoru’s long ponytail isn’t neat anymore, most of his hair now framing his blushing face. The delicate, pink color has spread down his chest, and his lips are red from his own teeth and Kojiro’s kisses. He shivers with another aftershock but doesn’t take his eyes off of Kojiro who gets on his feet and unhurriedly strips out of his underwear.
He’s already hard, cock twitching when he wraps a loose fist around it and strokes slowly. The low groan Kojiro lets out is enough to make something hot and molten gather in the bottom of Kaoru’s stomach again, yet he doesn’t turn his gaze away when Kojiro meets his eyes.
“Can you even see anything from there without your glasses?” Kojiro asks, and Kaoru isn’t far from kicking him out of the bed when he settles back between his legs.
“It’s too hideous to even look at,” Kaoru bites back although he can’t tear his eyes away from Kojiro palming the head of his dick, spreading pre-cum down the length, and guiding it so it slides slowly between Kaoru’s lips. He’s so, so wet, his slick and come painting Kojiro’s cock; the tip of it nudges his clit on the way and makes him whine.
Kaoru knows he sounds embarrassingly needy, and for once Kojiro has mercy on him.
Kojiro is big, and although it’s not the first time Kaoru has taken him, the head pushing in still forces a gasp out of him. He loves the feeling, loves the slight burn that’s a little uncomfortable at first and then turns into something else completely, something blissful and content. Kaoru loves getting filled like this, his tight pussy stretching open around his panting partner’s cock.
“Fuck, Kaoru, you feel so good,” Kojiro mumbles when he bottoms out, leaning down to place a string of kisses on Kaoru’s neck. He tries to give Kaoru time to adjust, pure willpower keeping him from picking up the pace right away.
“Shut up,” Kaoru says, nails digging into the skin of Kojiro’s forearm. “I don’t wanna hear the lines you use with everyone else.”
Kojiro blinks in confusion, pulling away just enough to see Kaoru’s face. He’s avoiding Kojiro’s gaze and biting his lower lip, the blush high on his cheeks a mix of embarrassment, lust and something Kojiro can’t quite place (but would call jealousy if he had to name it).
“What do you mean?”
“You know,” Kaoru huffs and rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed. He didn’t mean to say anything, but now that he already messed up, he might as well be honest. “You fuck around a lot, and that’s okay, but you don’t have to use your dumb, overused lines with me.”
Kojiro frowns at him, and Kaoru frowns back.
“There’s a chance I fuck around a lot less than you think. I like flirting with people, but I rarely invite anyone over,” Kojiro says, laughing at the surprised look on Kaoru’s face. He kisses the corner of Kaoru’s mouth; his jawline, the sensitive spot right below his ear. “You’re just special, baby.”
And at that moment Kaoru does feel a little special, Kojiro’s undivided attention on him as he gently starts to roll his hips, barely pulling out before thrusting back in deep. Kaoru crosses his ankles behind Kojiro’s back, securing him there on top of him, and Kojiro kisses him with a smile. It’s way too sweet for the occasion, just like the soft look in Kojiro’s eyes as he reaches for Kaoru’s hand and intertwines their fingers.
The hand holding his does more to Kaoru than Kojiro fucking into him with a quickening tempo, or Kojiro moaning against his lips and calling him gorgeous, or his oversensitive nerves firing off at every roll of Kojiro’s hips. His body is trembling and he’s noisier than he usually allows himself to be, but it seems to spur on Kojiro who’s precise with his thrusts, clearly wanting to wreck Kaoru one more time.
“Feels good, baby,” he says into the hot space between their mouths and Kaoru moans, using his legs to pull Kojiro closer and keep him there. “I’m so close, Kaoru. You’re- fuck, you’re gonna make me come.”
Kaoru revels in the fact that maybe, just maybe, not so many people have seen Kojiro like this, on the peak of pleasure, hair glued to his sweaty forehead and muscles tensing with an approaching orgasm. He’s damn beautiful, and selfishly Kaoru wants it all to himself.
”God, Kojiro, I- I need-”
”Yes, sweetheart? Tell me.” Kojiro rocks into him over and over again, hitting the spot that makes Kaoru see stars behind his eyelids. He reaches out with the hand not holding Kojiro’s and places it on the side of Kojiro’s neck, his fingertips seeking out the steady pulse that thrums underneath Kojiro’s skin and picks up when they kiss.
”I need- ah, fuck - need you. I want you, Kojiro, please, please-”
”Shh, baby, I’m here. You have me,” Kojiro assures, whispers out Kaoru’s name when he comes with a final roll of his hips, and the hot tears falling on Kaoru’s cheeks shock a powerful orgasm out of him. He’s not in the right mind to even feel ashamed of squirting on Kojiro’s cock, not when Kojiro praises him with an awestruck voice, Kaoru’s name sounding like something actually special when it’s said by him.
In the end, Kaoru isn’t sure was it really him or Kojiro who cried - it’s not uncommon for Kojiro to get emotional during sex, but on the other hand, Kaoru is exhausted. His bones weigh more than they should, and blinking his eyes open requires effort he can barely muster. Kojiro’s collapsed on top of him, and normally Kaoru would complain about him being too heavy and unbearable and annoying, but it’s actually comforting to have Kojiro’s arms around him, his nose nuzzling the side of his neck.
Kaoru lifts his hand and runs his fingers through Kojiro’s hair, breathing in the scent of him. It’s so goddamn domestic that Kaoru feels like throwing up (mostly because he wishes so hard it was true, that he could fall asleep there and not worry about everything being weird and awkward in the morning).
Kojiro says something, mumbles the words into Kaoru’s neck, and then lets out a tired and frustrated sigh when Kaoru tells him he couldn’t quite catch what he said.
”Love you,” Kojiro says, settles his head on Kaoru’s chest, and closes his eyes, seemingly content to stay there. The movement of Kaoru’s fingers combing through Kojiro’s hair comes to an abrupt stop.
”What do you mean?”
Kojiro looks up at him, eyes bleary and eyebrows in a small frown. ”What do you think I mean?”
”I think you’re making fun of me.”
”Why would I make fun of you?” Kojiro asks, concern slipping into his gaze. He sits up and brushes hair out of Kaoru’s face, follows the shadow of his cheekbone with his thumb, and forces him to meet eyes with him. ”I love you, Kaoru. I- I thought you knew.”
Something in Kaoru breaks and heals at the same time, and the slightly wobbly laugh Kojiro lets out upon seeing his expression change doesn’t exactly help in any way.
”You didn’t know.”
”How the fuck was I supposed to just know? You fucking idiot, you can’t- this can’t be- what-”
Kojiro doesn’t let him finish - he pulls Kaoru into a kiss, one so sweet and tender it brings Kaoru’s racing thoughts to a slow stop. Once again he finds himself thinking how incredibly annoying it is that Kojiro always knows what to do or say to calm him down; to uplift him, to pull him out of his spiraling thoughts. Maybe it’s because Kojiro has watched over him since they were small.
Maybe it’s because he’s special to Kojiro.
“I love you too,” Kaoru chokes out, so uncharacteristically shy and quiet it makes both of them laugh. Kojiro kisses him again, pressing their smiles together, and the easy way he accepts Kaoru’s confession makes Kaoru suspect Kojiro must have known the entire time.
That’s a little infuriating too, but Kaoru decides not to get frustrated - not now when the last thing Kojiro says before falling asleep is I love you, Kaoru.