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Fukuchi is dead. Atsushi repeated those words in his head almost every night ever since the Decay of Angels ended. The Hunting Dogs had reformed, or so they were told. A new commander was chosen, Atsushi remembered her name, Teruko Okura-san, and the former commander, Fukuchi Ouchi, had already died.
After they battled over the control of the One Order — they had won the second one — Dazai was released from prison. Together with the help of the Port Mafia and subtle backups from the Guild, they managed to clear their name. The whole conflict lasted for a few months, if Atsushi remembered clearly. He hadn't really kept track of the time back then, but after everything settled down, he took a look at the calendar and yada yada, at least two months had passed. Maybe it was three, he wasn't entirely sure.
But after that, Yokohama was, finally, calm.
The news regarding the end of the conflict lasted for at least a week, and the Detective Agency was given compensation by the government, along with paid vacation for two weeks. The Mafia was also rewarded, so he'd heard. He couldn't know for sure.
Actually, he didn't know a lot at all about what happened after. All he knew was that they were safe, and Dazai-san was back, the Agency was still standing and no one was hurt anymore. It relieved him, to the point of slumping to the floor and passing out from exhaustion. He woke up a day later, and since then, everything went back to normal.
He did not ask further questions, did not ask what exactly happened to Fukuchi, or the Hunting Dogs, or the Port Mafia, or anything else. Everything was fine, he told himself, and he had no use knowing about other things. They didn't matter as much as the Agency, his Agency, does to him. It wasn't the government that saved him at that river months ago, nor was it the Port Mafia, but the Agency. The Agency was his family, his home, so all is well that's well for the Agency. That was what Atsushi believed.
He would have nightmares though, sometimes, that plagued his sleeps even after a month after the conflict of the Decay of Angels. Ones where the shadows of the dead man, Fukuchi Ouchi, would surround every corner of space, creating a dark visage to replace the enchanting beauty of Yokohama's sunset. Everywhere he touched or stepped, there was only ever darkness chasing him before engulfing him completely, with the loud murmurs of that disgusting ideology of world destruction. It was horrendous, and with every fiber of his being, Atsushi hated it. Loathed to even be reminded of his face.
Incomplete, though. He realized that after the fifth night of the same dream he suffered from. Something about that nightmare, that on every night it chose to haunt him, gave Atsushi the feeling that there was something off about it.
That was, until he thought about Akutagawa, for the first time in one month since it all ended.
Oh. So that was what he had forgotten. The person he fought Fukuchi with. Strange indeed, for his nightmare to consist of everyone else except the black-haired mafioso. The first time Atsushi had gotten to know Fukuchi that well was with Akutagawa as well. The last he'd heard about Akutagawa was sometime during the Decay of Angels, when Mori-sensei had briefly mentioned how Akutagawa was also turned into a vampire during the outbreak.
Atsushi took it that Akutagawa was alive after that, and hadn't heard of him since.
Not even Dazai had mentioned his name, not once after he was released from prison.
Silently, Atsushi wondered if the Akutagawa was fine. He did stay on the ship while Atsushi escaped, with the last glint he had on Akutagawa being a fountain of blood spurting from his neck, and that....that smile.....
'You fool. Hurry up and go.'
"Aaaaaatsushi-kuuuuun~" A voice broke him out of his thoughts. There was only one person in the world who would call out to his name in this matter, no matter where you look. And that person was also the same person who had saved him by the riverside, his savior, his mentor.
Blinking back into reality, he turned to Dazai, who was waving in front of his face in an attempt to break him out of his previous state of stupor. They were at the Agency, on their fourth week after settling down from the conflict. So far, everything was back to usual, with Dazai being extra lazy, which resulted to more paperwork being left for Atsushi to take care of while this bandaged mentor of his would pester Kunikida or sleep to his heart's content.
"Yes, Dazai-san?" He asked, a little tense from being shake back to earth.
"You're going to get us both in trouble now, you know? If you don't finish that paperwork by the end of the week, Shachou will get maaad."
Atsushi popped a vein, annoyed by his comments. "Well if you would actually work on your part of the paperwork then maybe we could've finished it faster."
"But Atsushi-kun, I don't feel like doing paperwork right now." Dazai sing-songed his way out of his responsibilities without an ounce of guilt. "Besides, you're better at it than I am."
"Lying like that won't make me feel better, Dazai-san. Regardless of who does it better, which I know I am not, there is no room for excuse." Atsushi picked up the papers that Dazai had silently slipped onto his desk not 5 minutes ago. "And besides, this needs your part of the report, your statements and whatnot, which means that only you could've done it. I wasn't in prison with you, so how should I know whatever it is that Fyodor did anyway?"
"Awww Can't you just mash some words for me? Pretty please??"
"What do you want me to even write here? You and Fyodor playing with food?"
"Wow Atsushi-kun, you guessed it correctly." The look of disbelief was pure on Dazai's face, but the man was a good actor so Atsushi refused to fall for his ridiculous reactions to his already ridiculous ideas.
Seriously, who even play with food in prison with your enemy?
Dazai, as Atsushi had come to terms with, had experienced the least and the most during the whole arc. He couldn't exactly pinpoint how exactly that meant, but aside from sitting still in prison, not having to run for his life most of the time, even getting to enjoy the calm and quiet, there was also having a mental battle with a psychopath, manipulating his heartbeat, trying to figure out everything that's happening outside all on his own and relaying messages to the outside, which may still be wrong.
Dazai had never talked about it, and Atsushi never pushed.
Sometimes Atsushi tells himself that Dazai knew most about everything that happened to everyone, about Yosano-sensei, about Kunikida-san, and even about the Port Mafia perhaps.
Atsushi glanced at his mentor, who was still trying to convince him that they really did play with food — Atsushi only stared at him with an unimpressed look — and tried to detect any change in the man's appearance, or trait, or feature that was different from a few months ago. There were none, as if nothing had happened during the conflict, nothing that had affected him in the slightest, so Atsushi found himself being curious instead.
"Dazai-san, I want to ask about something."
"Mmn?" Dazai had promptly given up on convincing Atsushi about anything when he saw that the silver-head hadn't been paying attention.
"Do you know....about what happened on that ship?"
For five seconds, Dazai didn't answer, only having this blank look on his face that betrayed no emotion, but Atsushi knew. Atsushi understood. Of course Dazai would know about which particular event he was talking about, and he knew Atsushi wasn't referring to what happened to Ranpo-san, no, far from it. The brunet's lips formed into a smile before a breathed a sigh.
"Yes, I do."
"Then, do you know what happened.....what he did?" Dazai knew which 'he' Atsushi was referring to, and he knew he couldn't even pretend that he didn't. Atsushi was naive at times, yes, but he was one of the few people in the world that Dazai couldn't entirely fool. It was frustrating, but then again, there was no sensible excuse for him to lie to his subordinate anyway.
"I do."
Hearing this, Atsushi slowly looked away, processing his response.
So Dazai knew about Akutagawa's stupid sacrifice.
"How much do you know about it?" Atsushi wasn't even going to ask how Dazai knew, the man could've simply gotten the information from Akutagawa, or he could've just simply know, which wasn't odd at all because he was simply, simply, simply Dazai.
Dazai paused for a bit, before answering "I know that he appeared when the smoke signal was released. And that he spoke about me on the ship, and what I told him in the forest. And that you tried to lower down his guard, and about the sword, and his goal. I know that Akutagawa-kun created a diversion for you to escape, and thus getting himself killed."
"So, everything?"
Dazai tilted his head at him, eyes somewhat holding another emotion Atsushi couldn't decipher. "Is that really all to you? Is there anything that I hadn't said?"
"No." He lied, because it doesn't seem like Dazai knew about Akutagawa's smile, his first smile that held no hatred, no envy nor blind fury. It doesn't seem like he knew about Akutagawa's numerous times being stabbed, slashed, hit and punched and getting back up again just as much, or how he always had something up his sleeve with everything that he did on the ship, or how if it wasn't because of him, the Agency couldn't have been standing today.
Atsushi felt his chest constricting, a heaviness settled that replaced the empty spot in his heart.
"Have you....seen Akutagawa at all? After you were released?"
Atsushi could hear, with the aid of Byakko's senses, how Dazai shifted in his seat, and how he swallowed a lump of saliva as he did so. He saw, from the side, how his mentor blinked a little too many times to be normal.
"....No." He spoke, voice so low that only Atsushi could've possibly heard. Atsushi would've taken it that he was brushing it off, but he understood that Dazai didn't want others eavesdropping on their conversation. After all, the matter of Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was still a sensitive topic to this day. Kyouka-chan and Tanizaki would still shudder at the mention of his name, and not even Kunikida could hold back a flinch if he was to hear about him.
"You should see him." Atsushi spoke before he could even process what was in his mind. He bit his lips, slightly regretting it, because Dazai had looked at him, gaze strange as if he had said something so out of place.
"I mean, he came because of you in the first place so.... He'd probably want to see you."
Dazai studied the expression on Atsushi's face, taking note of the slight crease forming out of stress, and the bitten lips from anxiety. He didn't say anything, until the boy was starting to seek glances at him, which was another form of nervousness to add up.
"He wouldn't want to see me though."
"What? Why not?"
"Do you know what happened to him, Atsushi-kun?" Dazai smiled, and to be honest if Atsushi hadn't been so focused on people's changes in their facial expressions, he wouldn't realize that the smile portrayed sadness, or perhaps regret.
"He...He got turned, didn't he?"
"Yes he did, but he also died. You know that right?"
'You fool.'
Atsushi gulped.
'Hurry up and go.'
"What does that have to do with anything?" Atsushi looked away from his smiling mentor, brushing away the silent raspy voice whispering in his mind.
Dazai, seeing how Atsushi refused to meet his gaze, released a silent sigh. "He died before he got turned. In fact, he was the first person to be turned into a vampire, which led others to be turned as well. But because of that, when the rest of the world returned back to their normal state....Akutagawa didn't."
Didn't.
Atsushi's mind went blank. What? How could that be? How could it be that Akutagawa didn't turn back to normal? How hadn't he know, after a month? How hadn't he heard of it??
"What...what do you mean, Dazai-san."
"I mean what I mean, Atsushi-kun. Akutagawa's body was already dead, so if he returned, he would, of course, be dead. He didn't in the end, God knows how. He's now a perfectly conscious vampire."
Wait, what? So Akutagawa....so he was still that same creature with those ridiculously sharp fangs? The same creature with horrifying veins protruding from the pale skin, around those hollow, lifeless eyes? The creature that had caused so much destruction?
Why....hadn't he known?
And to think....to think that Atsushi was the cause for it, the original cause why Akutagawa was dead in the first place, the reason why Akutagawa was turned, and therefore the reason why even at this point, the man was still a vampire.
"And if you must know, the Port Mafia boss gave him the title of executive right after the end of the Decay of Angels. It wasn't properly announced, some say that he refused the title, but other than that, the matters of the Port Mafia has been more....hidden these days. What goes on in there is hardly known by many."
"But you know, don't you?" Atsushi pressed. He didn't really know much about the mafia's hierarchy system, so the word executive didn't bother him as much as it probably should. "You know what happened to him. It's, it should be impossible for him to not seek you out. Dazai-san, what happened to him? Is he alright?"
Atsushi didn't like the look Dazai gave him that time, because he hadn't gotten an answer. The man had only given him a sadder smile, a sadder look when he silently shook his head, gaze lowering. "Honestly, I don't even know...."
Atsushi didn't believe him that day, because it should be impossible for Dazai to not know.
And maybe there was a strain Atsushi felt in his chest, as the image of Akutagawa, smiling at him, with a smile he never thought was possible for someone like Akutagawa. Maybe he did feel guilty, and maybe he did ignore that feeling, denied it even because he refused to succumb into self-hatred, and maybe, just maybe deep down he prayed that Akutagawa would forgive him, for being selfish, for not coming back to save him, for listening to him. Forgive him because he couldn't pushed down all regret, because in the end, the both of them knew that out of the two of them, it was naturally Atsushi who must escape.
A few weeks later though, as if all the gods in the skies had gathered to shower Atsushi with the biggest surprise of his life.
He couldn't sleep that night, a night of full moon. Always hadn't been able to, always haunted with the nightmares of his Headmaster on those days. And to add up to that, there was this newfound heaviness that crept up to him everywhere he goes, dragging on his feet as if something was wrong, something was incomplete and he couldn't understand what. (He denied it was ever guilt.)
To avoid waking up with a cold sheen of sweat on his forehead, screaming, gasping, crying, Atsushi chose to walk through the city of Yokohama. The pier, particularly, where the only sounds that could reach his ears were the crashing of waves on the stone platform and the muffling noise of the busy city behind him.
As he walked along the platform, bathing his skin under the moonbeam that illuminated his path, he couldn't help but notice how particularly huge the moon was that night, how clear and bright. There were no stars, not with the light from the city polluting the sky. But there were glimmers on the surface of the sea, reflecting the light from the moonbeam. They looked almost magical, shimmering and sparkling. A huge contrast to what he felt on the inside, but it was refreshing, so very refreshing. (He pretended that the bottomless abyss in his mind didn't exist.)
Atsushi hadn't realized how high the tide was until one wave sounded louder than the rest. He looked down, only to see the tide barely one meter away from the edge of the platform.
So high, he thought. He didn't remember the tides ever being so close to him whenever he stood on the platform, but it was a sight to behold. The movements of the waves were clear, with the bubbles from the force where waves broke on shore outlining the current. It was a sight, Atsushi felt himself sinking to his knees to get a closer look.
Accompanied with the chilly wind of the night, he sat, or more specifically, kneeling on the ground. The longer he looked, the lower the muffled sound of the city was, and the louder the waves sounded crashing against the platform.
And for a moment, everything was peaceful.
Of course, it couldn't last forever. Nothing lasts forever.
Like a flash of lightning that struck and burned.
Like the drops of dew that clad surfaces of leaf on mornings.
Like human life, in which the flames faded upon time, in illness or old age.
"Jinko!" He snapped his neck back up upon hearing the mention.
To his disappointment, the one who had called out his name wasn't who he thought it was. Rather than the usual tall figure in black trench coat (He refused to admit he had missed him), the one who stood not too far away from him currently, was a woman with blond hair, wearing a suit. Behind her, were a few other men dressed in black that Atsushi assumed, were from the Port Mafia. One was an elderly — Atsushi recognized him — and one was Gin.
The Black Lizard. The deadliest attack force of the Port Mafia.
The one who had called him out was Higuchi, he had met her quite a few times before. She was glaring at him, though the usual malice-filled eyes now replaced with pure annoyance and frustration. And surprisingly enough, Atsushi couldn't even pretend to be threatened enough.
"Every single time you appear, there's only bound to be trouble."
Atsushi didn't feel like fighting the mafia all on his own, nor does he want to fight anyone in general, now, tomorrow or any other days to come unless it was necessary, so he just calmly stood up, stepped aside and attempted to leave the mafia to their business. "Sorry, I'll just leave now."
"What the hell happened to you anyway? Hadn't seen you in a month."
Yokohama is a huge place, Atsushi wanted to say, and it was considerably to bump into everyone every time he got out, which wasn't that common, because he only visited places he's familiar with to avoid getting lost and hence cause trouble for not only himself but others as well.
But another answer to that was because Atsushi had tried to avoid going out as much as he could, he didn't want to leave the Agency all that much, out of fear that something was going to happen while he was gone and he would then be all alone. A fear that came with that heaviness he couldn't shake off. (He told himself that it was that.)
"Uhhh, fate I guess?" Atsushi tried to sneak away, but clearly Higuchi wasn't making it easy for him when she literally eyed him like a hawk, as if one second without supervision could lead to another conflict. Pressured, Atsushi could only gulp. The men behind Higuchi had had guns ready in arms, waiting to just be in position and shoot.
"Higuchi-chan." Hirotsu called out to the woman, the cigarette between his fingers were brought away from his lips as a puff of smoke escaped from the corners of his mouth. "Let's not get ourselves into trouble, yes? We don't want the superiors to find us in..... troublesome situations, do we?" And for once, Atsushi was glad that man was there to relieve the tension that formed.
Higuchi clicked her tongue, but much to Atsushi's relief, she backed away. The glare was still obvious on her face though, as she turned to her heels and back to her comrades. "Fine then. But only because it's Akutagawa-senpai we're meeting up tonight."
The name 'Akutagawa' definitely caught Atsushi's attention, way more than it should, more than he thought he would. His shoulders tensed, processing Higuchi's words. So they were going to meet up with Akutagawa here. Of course they would though, the place was quite near to the Mafia Headquarters and they always worked on nights. This would've been the first time Atsushi had had himself thinking about the mafia since after the conflict. (He definitely hadn't thought about Akutagawa.)
"Umm." He began, a little too hopeful for his liking, but the thought of Akutagawa being there, meeting him again after all these weeks, brought some sort of excitement in his heart that, no matter how hard he tried to keep at bay, couldn't be ignored. That aside, he also wanted to know about what Dazai truly meant by Akutagawa being a vampire. "Is - Is Akutagawa going to arrive here?"
"What, you want to fight him?" Higuchi almost snorted really, "I'll have you know that Akutagawa-senpai is now one of the executive of the Port Mafia, rising in rank from after the Decay of Angels, and he's not the same man you've fought before so don't even attempt to underestimate him, Jinko."
So Akutagawa really became an executive, and from the looks of it, an active one too. Atsushi didn't think the mafia would casually send their executives on casual missions, as well as the Black Lizard, so that means they must've been on an important mission.
It wouldn't be a good idea to probe further about whatever their mission was, so Atsushi tried to find other ways to find out more. "No no, you misunderstood. I never underestimated him." If anything, Atsushi had always been partially scared of Akutagawa, scared that he really could kill him, not that he couldn't.
"I want to ask, how....how is Akutagawa doing?" With the mafia, with the conflict, with his illness, with his life. Was he okay? Was he still holding up his promise of not killing people? Was he still obsessed with Dazai's approval? Still wanting to fight to the death in three more months?
Higuchi looked shocked, the same expression was schooled by the men behind her as well, especially Gin. The girl shared a look with Hirotsu before they eyed him back again. Higuchi had her eyes widened, which was rolled not long after, her arms crossing in front of her chest. "Why do you want to know?"
"It's just....I hadn't heard from him in a while, and I was just wondering if he's.....if he..." If he what? Well? Was Akutagawa ever well though? Happy? It doesn't look like it's the end of the world yet, so Atsushi ignored the thought. The usual? The usual would've been more comforting for his part, honestly. (Could he possibly feel upset with Atsushi? No, no Atsushi pushed the thought aside because that's as much as his self-depreciation was willing to tolerate.)
"What? If he's still up for that death fight?" Higuchi snorted. "As long as he keeps his promise, you should very much assume he's going to separate your head from your body in the future." Higuchi kept ranting about her beloved senpai, singing praises and admiration that Atsushi knew wasn't completely baseless. How strong Akutagawa was, for Mori-sensei to acknowledge him as an executive, Akutagawa might've been able to really slaughter him.
Which could and couldn't be true, because Akutagawa was one of the people he actually admired in terms of skills and strength but it's not like Atsushi wasn't going to put up a fight either. He's grown too, grown stronger, quicker, smarter. He could take Akutagawa, he knew he could.
He should be able to.
"How noisy..." Albeit the noise from the waves and the soft voice of Higuchi continuing her rant, Atsushi's heightened senses picked up a voice. A particular voice he would recognize everywhere. That raspy, scratchy voice from endless coughing, accompanied by the sweet scent of elegance that it carried with him. This was the voice he was familiar with, the voice of Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, of the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia.
Some of the men started to part into sides, forming a path from behind. Through them, a tall figure moved, almost resembling a leaf blowing in the wind with how graceful and smooth his movements are, every sweep of the leg, every flutter of that frilly white blouse that looked to be too big on him. There was a hood over his head, covering most of his face, but out of all the peculiar differences Atsushi saw, the one he had noticed, wasn't the absence of the black trench coat and the cravat, or the lack of fury and poison in his appearance.
It was a muzzle, one that protruded from inside the hood. The metal of the muzzle was silver and shining, reflecting the light from the moon, perfectly outlining the cells and shape. It was a muzzle meant for wild animals, rabid animals that threatened people. A muzzle with leather straps securely tied around the face, and perhaps it looked to be a little too tight.
This.....this was Akutagawa, Atsushi thought as his heartbeat accelerated. Something was pulling him down, like gravity. Something was lurching, he felt himself trembling, his legs jelly. He couldn't breathe.
"What was so disturbing to have caused such noise tonight?" The man looked up from the hood, and Atsushi caught the little bit of glint from inside. The glint had been from his eyes, now visible due to the shine of the moonbeam upon his figure. And that voice, so raspy and calm and soothing, it froze Atsushi in place. He couldn't breathe. (He hated him, Akutagawa hated him.)
Higuchi, once realizing the presence of her superior, apologized profusely, bowing her head down. One short glance was directed towards Atsushi, but of the course the weretiger wouldn't notice it, he was too busy taking in the sight of Akutagawa, this new Akutagawa that seemed so surreal, so strange, almost unfamiliar. Almost painful.
"A..Akutagawa...." Atsushi finally broke the silence that befall when the two had ended up locked in an eye contact, the heaviness he felt only seemingly grew heavier as he willed himself to speak, to say something. "You're here." (The truth is that you're here, right in front of me.)
But it seemed that the man was generally unbothered with him, something that was strange and yet not strange. Akutagawa could ignore him on most times, and wreck his life when he hated it the most without as much as a warning. At times, the mafioso would pretend he never existed, and other times, even Atsushi's breathing was a problem. (Sometimes Atsushi hated how he agreed with him.)
But now, now Akutagawa was ignoring him, and for once, Atsushi found himself to be offended.
They....they hadn't seen each other for nearly two months in total, and although they didn't like each other, hate each other even, they had still fought life and death together, they had still worked together to defeat a common enemy on common grounds, with common determination. Even if there was still hatred between them, Atsushi liked to believe that there was something much more in their little relationship. Akutagawa couldn't ignore that, Atsushi wasn't going to let him, because this feeling is real. And Atsushi was tired of Akutagawa disregarding the things that really mattered, focusing instead on his traditional, pathetic ideology of the world. (Hidden emotions bedamned.)
"Hey! Why are you ignori—" Atsushi's words stopped when Akutagawa had one arm raised, reaching for the hem of the hood over his head. The hood was white, Atsushi realized it was a form of Rashoumon as well. Before he could even process what he was going to see, Akutagawa had already pulled over the hood, letting the light from the moon, as dim as it was on nights such as this, to reflect on his hair, his face, his everything. The raven locks that he could recognize everywhere, with the white tips of his bangs being as prominent as always. His skin was pale, so awfully pale. There were light creases to replace his brows. (Atsushi had the audacity to miss his features as well.)
And Atsushi forgot to not gasp, because on the rims of Akutagawa's eyes were veins popping on his already pale skin, framing the dark lashes of his eyes where hollow silver irises greeted his eyes. There was no shine in his eyes, there had never been any. But now more so than ever, the emptiness in his eyes was absorbing, like a black hole, so dark, so black, so empty.
Atsushi found himself trembling, because this, he knew, was what Dazai had meant. On both sides of the crack of his lips, a sharp canine could be seen. The same ones he saw on those vampires filling out the streets during which the outbreak was at its peak. He gulped, a shiver running through his spine.
"You....You're a vampire still." (This was his fault.)
"Is it so shocking, Jinko? Or is it that you're horribly underinformed?" The black-haired man finally, finally spoke to him, and Atsushi felt himself releasing a shaky breath of relief.
"No, it's just....I thought for a second there that you look really like...." Atsushi stopped himself at the last moment. Like what? Like a real unconscious vampire that could bite off your face on impulse? A rabid dog that would tear of your flesh from your bones? A diablo?
A beast, maybe?
Because that was what Akutagawa looked like to him now. Dressed in that white blouse, Atsushi thought, along with a muzzle so big and threatening, Akutagawa would make a picture perfect of a cursed doll, a beast hidden in a frail body, waiting to be unleashed, a demon in those hollow eyes, trapped in his soul.
At times, on the worst times of his life, Atsushi convinced himself in the mirror that he was a beast, destroying the crops of his orphanage, causing troubles for others and for being a worthless hazard to society where no one wanted him, rejected him, feared him. He hated those days. But now? Now, he saw a beast in Akutagawa, just as much as he saw one in himself, and the thought oddly made him relax. (Guilt was now filling his mind, silently but surely.)
And it looked like Akutagawa understood, rolling his eyes as if he could read his thoughts. The muzzle blocked Atsushi from seeing the full expression Akutagawa had made, but he was certain that the scowl remained and the lips that tugged naturally lower was still there in place. Atsushi couldn't see him, but he knew Akutagawa.
"If, in your mind you are comparing the similarities we both now hold, I suggest you stop."
".....Why?" Atsushi dared himself to ask. (He wanted them to talk more.)
"Because, Jinko, one fact that your feeble mind couldn't seem to grasp to this day is that muzzle or no muzzle, vampire or human, you and I don't seem much different, do we?"
Funny, because from what Atsushi remembered, the two of them absolutely hated being compared or being related to each other. It doesn't help the situation now, because the two of them did know, did understood that there was no way that they were so different from each other. They are the one and the same, really. Two parallel lines that never met, two sides of the same coin, two diamonds that polish each other. It was funny, because they knew it's true.
"I am not a beast though. So maybe think about correcting yourself over there." Atsushi huffed, because regardless of the bond they created between them, they were still enemies.
To this, Akutagawa scoffed. "I'm about as beastly as you are, Jinko."
Atsushi found himself smiling, a warm smile, something he never gave to Akutagawa, something that Akutagawa gave only to him.
"And you're about as human as I am too."
Something shifted in Akutagawa's eyes, a new emotion swirling inside the storm clous irises that Atsushi couldn't exactly grasp what it was, but it was definitely gentler, far gentler than any of which he had ever seen from the man. (Atsushi relished.)
In the end, the two parted ways for the night, one back to the Agency dormitories and another on a mission. One thing for sure for the both of them though, was that there wasn't any change in what they were from when they had first met. The only difference was how they had accepted each other and themselves, revealing that part of their hearts that they hid the deepest, on display for the other to trample and to spit on. They never did those though, only choosing to trust each other, and let themselves flow through fate that tied them.
There were beasts inside them, and there were humans as well. It showed when they sacrificed their lives for others, it showed when they bared their fangs to the enemies. They hated each other for what it was worth, but at the end of the day, Atsushi and Akutagawa was the same.
When it was nearing dawn, when Atsushi could barely get a wink of sleep, he had texted Akutagawa using the number Dazai had supplied him with.
— Why did you let me escape on my own on that ship? — (He wished Akutagawa never read it.)
It took a moment for the other to reply, but Atsushi knew that Akutagawa wasn't working. Mafia missions usually end before dawns.
When he read the received text message, he pulled his lips into a thin smile, brows furrowing close together as his jaws trembled, and so were his shoulders and his whole body as his vision became glassier. (Why was this happening? He asked himself.)
So that was the heaviness in his heart that he could not quite name. That was the source of his emotion swelling up, waiting to just burst, to reveal that little part of him that cried, wailed and screamed out of guilt, of shame and appreciation. Something he never felt he deserved to ever let out. A voice inside his heart, telling him that it was definitely not okay for him to ever ignore how Akutagawa had sacrificed himself for him, because Akutagawa was every inch of a human Atsushi was.
'Of course it was to make the world seem a little bit more beautiful.'
With you in it, Akutagawa never got to say. With you to protect it, fighting for it, cherishing it. Because then maybe, for a lot of people out there, like Kyouka and Dazai, they would've found a light in their lives that made their days seem less duller.
And maybe one of them could be himself, one day.
(Atsushi swore, swore in his tiny heart that he will, one day, save Akutagawa as well.)