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it was funny how it happened. they didn’t see each other and instantly fall in love. it took time. it took three years. it took endless nights in the practice room. it took breakdowns and tears and soft words of comfort. it took failure and triumph and years of pretending for cameras. it took something impressive for hongbin to love jaehwan and he wasn’t sure when it evolved. all he knew is he looked forward to seeing him, found himself laughing more at his jokes. he was refreshing like a spring rain and hongbin was the flower thriving off his attention. the day jaehwan got a girlfriend was the day hongbins’ world stopped. she was nice enough and pretty, he could see why she liked him. he smiled and didn’t show his upset to the other. he was gentle and kind but left quickly. jaehwan was no longer spring rain, he was a tornado.
he really shouldn’t be upset, but damn it stung. silent rejection was the worst kind, and especially when he knew he’d never get the chance. not that he’d ever tell the other that he loved him. it was more a small inkling of hope that bloomed into a garden and gnawed at him. the flowers of his ideas grew and wove into his brain carefully whispering to him about jaehwan during inappropriate times. they grew into his mouth and his lungs and consumed him, jaehwan the only thing he could think about. now the plants began to wither and his insides were dying like fall, the sweet spring rains gone to keep them nourished. he was dying from the inside out. it hurt him more that he had to see him every day, sleep in the same house as him perform with him. it was hard to get over something he never had while he still had it. his carefully concocted elixir had sweetened and turned sickening, and he fed it to himself past the expiration date. the lies that their relationship would happen someday. the elixir turned to poison and it was drowning him.
he noticed. the lack of a sparkle and the rare occasions that he smiled were growing farther and farther between. it made his heart pop like a balloon to see him like that, staying longer to practice than everyone and waking up earlier. he was drowning himself in his work but he had been washed out to sea long before. hongbin looked lost, washed out and ready to collapse. during practice he would spend breaks laying on the floor a sweatshirt draped over his face refusing anything offered to him. hakyeon felt guilt for not taking care of him, but jaehwan knew what it was. it was in a blaze of determination and sudden self assurance he grabbed the younger into the side studio and locked the door.
hongbin feels the flowers inside him start to act. he gets a pink tinge in his cheeks and feels his blood course alongside the ivy running through his veins. the spring showers have come back, and with a vengeance. no words are spoken just a soft moment shared between the two that has the poison changing. he no longer tastes the bitter grounds of coffee, but instead is met with a sweetness that allows his garden to flourish. his drink of spring in the winter, his jaehwan.