Archive of Our Own

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give, the more I get back
Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice, but I still choose you

Oh, I don't love you, but I always will
-“Poison and Wine,” The Civil Wars

Hyunjin is five when he first sees Crown Prince Seungmin.

Hyunjin doesn’t see him in the flesh, nor does he realize at that age that the boy is the crown prince. Rather, he sees Seungmin in a dream.

The first time Hyunjin slips into Seungmin's dream, it is a novel and disquieting experience. Hyunjin doesn't recognize the serious, well-dressed boy, and he thinks he would remember if he met someone like that before. Also, Hyunjin can only observe but not interact in the dream, and it is oddly discomfiting to be robbed of his agency in a dream.

What stands out the most to him, however, is that the colors the boy dreams in are so vivid, more beautiful and intense than anything Hyunjin has ever seen in his life. As a son of a farmer, Hyunjin’s world is painted in drab, dull tans and greys.

The boy spends most of the dream staring with wonder at the expanse of flowers surrounding him. Right before Hyunjin wakes up, however, the boy looks up at Hyunjin, wide, puppy-like eyes gazing at Hyunjin piercing, evaluating. They seem to say, I know who you are. When Hyunjin wakes up shortly after that, a sense of unease and emptiness lingers.

Hyunjin dismisses it as an odd, one-off experience, except it happens again. And again, with the same boy, sometimes Hyunjin stumbling into his dreams, or the boy stumbling into Hyunjin's dreams.

Once the initial shock wears off, Hyunjin doesn’t think too deeply about the hows or whys—it just is. Hyunjin has more pressing matters to think about, like whether pests will ravage the crops, or whether his mother will survive the bleeding when she miscarries.

The other boy provides a sort of comfort to Hyunjin, though, as they grow up in parallel. Something familiar and stable. Hyunjin picks up little things here and there about the other boy. Like the brightness of his smile or his love of singing.

Hyunjin's life continues in this way until it changes dramatically a couple of months after his eighteenth birthday when a royal courier comes calling.

They’re seated at the table, eating a paltry meal of hare and potatoes, when there is an insistent rap at their front door.

His father stands up to answer the door, a look of surprise on his face as he takes in the sight of a royal messenger, dressed in splendid robes, flanked by two guards. After a moment’s pause, Hyunjin’s father remembers his manners and politely invites them into their home. Hyunjin’s mother vacates her seat for the messenger, the two guards standing on either side as he sits down on the chair. The family exists in a suspension of silence and confusion as they wait for the man to speak.

The man turns to look at Hyunjin’s father, pulling out a scroll and reading off of it. “I come as a representative of the royal family. The crown prince, Seungmin, has recently come of age, and I am here on his behalf to ask your son, Hyunjin, for his hand in marriage.”

Hyunjin’s father’s eyes widen in disbelief. “The crown prince? Marrying? Our Hyunjin?”

The man looks up from the letter and nods. “The royal astrologers determined based on the position of the stars at the crown prince’s birth that Hyunjin is his match, his soulmate.”

Privately, Hyunjin thinks it all sounds rather ridiculous, and though his father is trying to maintain a neutral expression, Hyunjin can tell that his father thinks it’s ridiculous, too. Besides the ludicrous suggestion that a destitute farmer’s boy could be the soulmate of the future king of Korea, Hyunjin doesn’t have much use for soulmates in his world.

The courier must be more perceptive than Hyunjin’s family is giving him credit for, because he sighs and turns to Hyunjin. “It’s a well-known fact that soulmates share dreams.” The courier takes out another scroll from his robes and unfolds it. “Do you recognize this young man?”

Hyunjin gasps. He isn’t sure if the boy in his dreams is his soulmate, but he is sure that the young man painted on the scroll is the boy from his dreams. “Yes,” he stammers out.

The courier smiles a bit smugly as he rolls the scroll back up. “From your dreams?”

Hyunjin nods, flabbergasted.

Everyone in the room knows, at this point, that the proposal, the veneer of choice, is a mere formality—Hyunjin and his family have no say in the matter.

Hyunjin’s father clears his throat. “Hyunjin is my only son, my only child,” he starts.

The courier nods in understanding. “The royal family will make sure that the family of the crown prince’s future husband is taken care of.”

Hyunjin’s father knows he’s outmaneuvered. “Our family would be honored to accept.”

After that, it’s a flurry of activity as Hyunjin packs up his meager belongings and tearfully says goodbye to his parents.

Before Hyunjin and the courier depart for the royal capital, the courier hands Hyunjin a set of robes even more magnificent than those the courier is wearing. “Change into these first.”

As Hyunjin steps out of his own clothes and into the royal robes, he feels a sense of trepidation, of sorrow. The day has been a whirlwind that he hasn’t even begun to process, but he worries about what the transition will mean for him, of what the future will hold for him at what promises to be a glorious unknown. If he will lose himself.

When Hyunjin returns from changing, the robes sitting uncomfortable and unfamiliar on his body, the courier looks him up and down, humming approvingly. "Your beauty is unparalleled. I think the royal family will be very pleased."

Hyunjin isn't sure what to make of that. He's never really paid much attention to his appearance, only catching glimpses here and there of his reflection in streams. At least he knows, now, that he may be able to curry favor with his beauty. To weaponize it.

The trip from Hyunjin’s hometown to the royal capital of Hanseong takes several days by horseback. It’s the farthest trip Hyunjin has ever taken, and every day astonishes Hyunjin, bringing new, stunning vistas of mountains and streams.

Eventually, the small group—composed of Hyunjin, the royal courier, and the two guards—reach the royal capital, the palace coming into view. Hyunjin is awestruck by the splendor of the palace, by its magnificence and scale.

They ride around to the back of the palace, and the messenger nudges Hyunjin slightly. “This wing of the palace will serve as your living quarters during the engagement period, after which you will move to the crown prince’s quarters. The servants will help you freshen up so that you’re presentable after this trip to meet the royal family.”

Hyunjin dismounts and walks with apprehension into the building. When he enters, he finds the residence humming with activity, some maids dusting off the furnishings, others hanging robes up in an armoire, others preparing a bath.

“You must be Hyunjin,” one of the women says. She seems to be older than the rest and in charge of the cadre of maids. She wraps her hand around Hyunjin’s arm in an iron-clad grip and strong-arms him towards the bath. “Let’s get you washed up.”

The bath is flanked by two young women, and they look at him expectantly. “Ah…I can wash myself,” Hyunjin protests weakly, embarrassed.

“Nonsense,” the matron says matter-of-factly. “Go get changed,” she orders.

Hyunjin self-consciously removes his robes, curling up on himself as he steps into the bath. The servants don’t bat an eye, unfazed by his nudity as they massage his scalp forcefully and scrub his skin vigorously. One of the maids peers closely at Hyunjin’s face and giggles. “You’re handsome,” she flatters. “You’ve got such beautiful, kissable lips. Crown Prince Seungmin is lucky.” The matron smacks the girl on the arm, scolding her to hush and pay proper respect to the crown prince’s husband-to-be.

The comment prickles at Hyunjin’s skin, though. It’s the second time someone has commented on his appearance, and he wonders if that’s what he’ll be reduced to here. Just a pretty flower to hang off of the crown prince’s arm.

After his bath, Hyunjin is again summarily thrust into another set of lavish robes as the maids poke and prod at him to ready him. Hyunjin feels a little like one of the birds he would truss up to roast.

Finally, the matron deems his appearance acceptable, and a manservant who has just entered the room gestures towards Hyunjin to follow him to be presented to the royal family.

As they walk through the palace grounds, Hyunjin notices two things. One, the opulence of the royal palace. He observes it in the rose petals in the bath, the luxurious material of his clothing, the gold gilding on furniture. It’s awe-inspiring but also disgusting in its wastefulness. Two, he senses lingering glances from the people he passes by. Their glances are intense, almost predatory, and again, Hyunjin wonders what situation he’s unwillingly landed himself in. If he will be an offering, a pawn.

Eventually, they reach what Hyunjin guesses is the throne room. An older man who Hyunjin assumes is the King of Korea and an older woman who Hyunjin assumes is the queen are both sitting in thrones. The boy from Hyunjin’s dreams—Crown Prince Seungmin—is standing to his father’s side.

The moment Hyunjin enters the room, he kneels, paying his respects to the royal family. “You can stand, Hwang Hyunjin,” the king commands after a minute or so. Hyunjin keeps his eyes slightly averted, not wanting to seem presumptuous or rude. He catches a glimpse of the crown prince, though. He’s seen the boy in his dreams, of course, but it’s an altogether different experience seeing him in person. He’s regal, steely, handsome, his features refined and delicate. He feels so distant, inaccessible, and Hyunjin feels a sense of resentment, ugly and toxic, towards this boy who is the nidus of this disruptive turn of events in Hyunjin’s life.

Hyunjin has never felt so alone.

“You will spend most of your time before the wedding with Seungmin’s sister, the princess, to learn about royal life. You will take meals with the entire family, and you and Seungmin can get to know each other during that time,” the king instructs.

Hyunjin nods. What other option does he have?

“You’re dismissed,” the king waves his hand indifferently, and Hyunjin does a ninety-degree bow.

The manservant again leads Hyunjin through the labyrinth of corridors, and Hyunjin despairs at ever learning to navigate the palace grounds on his own. When he reaches his quarters, he finds a woman who appears a little older than the crown prince waiting for him. She’s dressed in finery as well, and Hyunjin assumes she is nobility, if not the princess herself.

“Princess,” the manservant intones, bowing to her, and Hyunjin rushes to bow as well. “I’ll leave you here in the capable hands of the princess,” the servant tells Hyunjin as he takes his leave.

The princess smiles warmly at Hyunjin. “You can just call me Seunghee noonim,” she says. Hyunjin shakes his head, but she insists. “You will be my brother-in-law soon. Really, just call me Seunghee noonim.”

“Okay…noonim,” Hyunjin says, the word foreign on his tongue.

She pats the space next to her on the divan, and Hyunjin nearly trips over his feet to comply. “How are you feeling?” she asks, her gaze kind but perceptive. Hyunjin doesn’t think anyone else has asked him that these past few days.

“I’m fine,” Hyunjin says quickly, lying through his teeth.

She shakes her head. “I can’t imagine it’s been easy for you. You lived on a farm, right?”

Hyunjin nods in response.

“This must be very different for you, then. You’re also coming alone. It’s okay not to be fine. It’s okay to be lonely, scared,” she hums.

In contrast to her younger brother, there’s something about Seunghee that makes Hyunjin trust and feel comfortable around her immediately, her own sort of power.

“Maybe I do feel that. A little bit,” he whispers haltingly. She pats his hand reassuringly, and the warmth of her hand settles him a little.

“What did you think of our Seungminnie?” she then asks, her eyes curving up mischievously.

Hyunjin struggles to find the words to articulate the maelstrom of feelings he is experiencing. “He’s handsome and aloof,” Hyunjin says finally.

“He’s silly under all that seriousness,” Seunghee smiles fondly. “He’s a good boy. You’ll see.”

Hyunjin will have to take her word for it.

“I think we’ll be friends, though,” Seunghee smiles brightly at Hyunjin. Hyunjin finds himself smiling back, just as bright. He finds that he has to agree.

That evening, when Hyunjin changes out of the formal robes into his sleepwear, it feels like a breath of fresh air. The clothes are still made from a costly material, but their simplicity and lack of pretension bring him comfort. Hyunjin feels a little more like himself.

As he lays down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, he takes stock of the day. He's felt lonely all day, thrown into a situation where he knows nobody and doesn't know the rules, but this is the first time he has actually been able to be alone with his thoughts.

He feels, quite honestly, useless. Powerless. At home, he helped his father run the farm, here, he seems little more than a doll for people to play dress up with. Speaking of his parents, he misses them immensely already. He clenches his hands into fists, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms as he thinks about them. About how they had less than the royal family but were rich in love. About how children are meant to take care of their elders, but he will not be able to watch them grow old, to take care of them when their senses begin to fail them. He feels white hot rage at the same time he feels scooped out sorrow at being robbed of the life he thought he was going to have.

The life he is going to have instead, he has to learn how the rules work. And he has to learn this boy who will become his husband.

He's watched the crown prince grow up through his dreams, yet he is still a stranger. Today, more so than ever, his aura was cold, inscrutable. Hyunjin dislikes him. Would dislike him no matter what his personality was, because he has stripped him of his life and stripped him of his choice.

He wonders if he will learn how to play the game. If love will ever grow from this wound.

Slowly, Hyunjin tries to acclimate to royal life. He spends his days with the princess learning how to properly conduct himself as a member of the royal family. Otherwise, when Hyunjin isn’t getting a crash course on royal manners and conventions, he takes meals with the entire family. Despite how close he’s gotten to Seunghee, the meals tend to be stilted, sterile affairs that are polite to the point where Hyunjin feels like everyone is obfuscating what they really mean. All throughout, the crown prince remains a stranger. Unknowable. He’s impossible to decipher, with his civility and placidity, which stands in stark contrast to Hyunjin’s impulsiveness and expressiveness that no number of lessons from Seunghee on decorum seem quite able to suppress.

They also continue to slip into each other’s dreams, but those, too, are confusing and don’t shed any light on his husband-to-be. Whether Hyunjin slips into Seungmin’s dreams or Seungmin slips into Hyunjin’s, though, Hyunjin finds that Seungmin’s eyes always find his eventually. His gaze pinning Hyunjin down.

Hyunjin has settled into a rhythm, of sorts, when the king’s nephew, Jongseo, takes dinner with the rest of the family.

"It's nice to see you all, and to meet you, Hyunjin," Jongseo greets, smiling wolfishly at Hyunjin, his teeth glinting in the light. Hyunjin smiles back politely, but he feels unsettled, the other man's aggression prickling under his skin despite being on the receiving end of many such looks during his stay at the palace.

Conversation is rather bland as usual, but all throughout, Jongseo keeps shooting lecherous glances towards Hyunjin. Seungmin is quieter than usual, his mouth pressed into a thin line and hands white knuckled as he holds his utensils.

After dinner when Hyunjin is heading towards his quarters, he feels the prickly sensation of someone following him. When he turns around, he sees Jongseo, who corners him in one of the rooms adjoining the dining room.

Jongseo leans in close. "You're gorgeous," he murmurs, voice rough like sandpaper. "It's too bad your soulmate is Seungmin. Your beauty is wasted on him. He probably doesn't even realize what a gem he has. Has he ever told you you're beautiful?"

Hyunjin shakes his head no.

"A pity," Jongseo replies. "But expected. I could treat you like you deserve, you know," Jongseo proposes.

And the truth is, Hyunjin doesn't even like Jongseo. Finds the other man slippery and repulsive. But there is something seductive about being so obviously wanted, and more importantly, underneath that, an opportunity to rebel against this situation he has found himself in. All his resentment about being torn from his family, losing his agency, being reduced to his beauty overflowing.

He proceeds to do something incredibly impulsive, and incredibly stupid.

He bats his eyelashes demurely. "Show me," he whispers.

Jongseo surges to kiss Hyunjin, his kiss bruising, biting, plundering. It's violent and unpleasurable for Hyunjin, but he endures it just to prove a point.

Jongseo paws clumsily at Hyunjin and eventually pushes Hyunjin down to his knees. He frees his hard cock from its confines. "Suck me, beautiful," he demands.

Hyunjin has never done this before, and he finds Jongseo repellent. He still takes the other man's dick into his mouth out of stubbornness, of pride. The taste is disgusting, and Jongseo keeps thrusting into Hyunjin's mouth, making Hyunjin gag and choke. Jongseo seems to find pleasure in Hyunjin's mouth, though, his grunts coming out faster and faster, when Hyunjin hears someone clear his throat.

Hyunjin turns to see Seungmin and nearly bites down on Jongseo's dick in surprise. He quickly pulls off of Jongseo's cock and stands up hurriedly.

Seungmin has a pinched expression on his face, his eyes flashing with anger. Hyunjin feels a sense of shame, but also a sick sense of satisfaction at getting a rise out of the normally calm Seungmin.

"I could have you both executed," Seungmin bites out. "Get out of my sight, Jongseo hyungnim," Seungmin commands.

Jongseo leaves the room, appearing more self-satisfied and collected than Hyunjin would expect for someone who was caught fooling around with the husband-to-be of the future king of Korea. By the said future king of Korea.

"And you," Seungmin turns to look at Hyunjin after Jongseo leaves. "What were you thinking??"

Seungmin doesn't actually give Hyunjin sufficient time to respond. "How could you disgrace the sacred institution of marriage like this? Are you intentionally trying to sow chaos about the succession order?"

Quite honestly, Hyunjin hadn't been thinking that critically about it. He had hardly been thinking at all. "I wasn't thinking," he replies feebly.

"Clearly," Seungmin hisses.

"The astrologers said we are soulmates, so we are. The fact that we dream share is proof of that. I believe it is our moral obligation, our royal duty to get married. I don't know if you think about it the same way that I do, and at any rate, I can't force you to. Just,” Seungmin exhales loudly, a frown on his face. “If you're going to dishonor the institution of marriage like this, humiliate me like this, try to at least be a little more discreet.”

Hyunjin is embarrassed, but he is also irritated at the way Seungmin acts like he is above Hyunjin, like Hyunjin belongs to him. "I'll keep that in mind," Hyunjin snarks back.

Seungmin purses his lips.

"I won't tell anyone what I saw. Good night," Seungmin says, each word punctuated with bite.

Seungmin seems to keep his promise, as nobody seems to be the wiser about what happened in the shadows that night. Hyunjin's relationship with Seungmin doesn't recover, though, even more strained than it already was.

Sooner than Hyunjin expected, the auspicious date of their wedding day approaches. As part of the wedding ritual, one day Hyunjin finds some men struggling to lift several chests into Hyunjin's quarters. When Hyunjin opens the chests, they are filled with various wonders, gold and jade and jewels. Hyunjin wonders if he will ever grow used to the excesses of life at the palace. "A token of Crown Prince Seungmin's commitment to you," one of the men nods.

Hyunjin smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He feels empty amongst all the finery. He just found out today his parents won't be attending the wedding.

The wedding day itself passes by largely in a blur for Hyunjin. In the morning, he receives two letters, one made from silk and gold, the other bamboo, and a jade stamp. The items are beautiful but meaningless to him—he is illiterate.

A while later, he sees Seungmin approaching his quarters, a fine wild goose in his arms. Seungmin himself looks even handsomer than usual, but Hyunjin doesn't let himself travel too far down that line of thinking. Hyunjin, when he sees Seungmin, just feels a sense of loss acutely. Of the possible roads he could take collapsed to a finite point.

They both climb into one palanquin each, forming a procession from Hyunjin's wing of the palace to where the wedding will take place. Hyunjin forcibly squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to think about the fact that despite the gigantic crowd that is present, every single person is essentially a stranger.

Finally, they reach the wedding hall. Seungmin sits on the east and Hyunjin on the west, and they exchange bows, Hyunjin first. Hyunjin goes through the motions mindlessly as he is directed to eat meat and then drink alcohol, first from an elaborate cup and then from a gourd, the alcohol burning his throat on the way down. Then they're directed to kiss.

Hyunjin turns to look at Seungmin. Against his will, he gets lost in the warm brown pools of Seungmin's eyes, at the determination and stubbornness he sees there. Then, before he knows it, Seungmin is leaning in. The kiss is brief, half-hearted, fleeting, the barest whisper of Seungmin's lips upon Hyunjin's. And then it's over.

They are pronounced husbands, and the crowd cheers as the festivities begin.

As for Hyunjin and Seungmin, Seungmin ushers Hyunjin to his wing of the palace. It's the first time Hyunjin has ever been there, and it's even more opulent than where Hyunjin has been staying.

They change into their sleep clothes silently. Seungmin seems tense, reluctant to speak. Finally, he clears his throat. "We're supposed to consummate the marriage now."

Hyunjin feels anger bubbling up at how clinical, how duty-bound Seungmin is about something even as intimate as sleeping together. "No," Hyunjin turns to look at Seungmin, sparks flying from his eyes. "Not when you don't even want me, not when it doesn't even mean anything."

Seungmin bites his lip. "Our marriage won't be considered legitimate unless we consummate it."

"I said no," Hyunjin bites out. And that's that.

Hyunjin wakes up the next day facing away from Seungmin. When he turns, he realizes that Seungmin's back is to him, too. Hyunjin takes a deep breath. What a promising start to their marriage.

A couple days later, they're in the courtyard, finalizing preparations to travel to Hyunjin's hometown to pay their respects to Hyunjin's parents.

Seungmin's family sends them off, his parents waving and Seunghee insisting that Seungmin crouch so she can give him a kiss on the forehead. She gives Hyunjin a hug, too, and Hyunjin feels a sense of warmth diffuse through his body at her kindness.

They mount their horses, and then, accompanied by several guards, they set off on their journey.

The trip takes several days. The closer they get to Hyunjin's hometown, the more Hyunjin's excitement and anxiety rise. He's not ashamed of where he came from, but he doesn't think he will be able to hold his tongue and act gracious if Seungmin acts like Hyunjin's background is beneath him.

When Hyunjin sees his parents, he runs over to them, uncaring of decorum and propriety. He gives them both bone-crushing hugs, and he can feel them both smiling as he embraces them. He feels so overwhelmed with emotions—joy at being reunited, sorrow at the time they've spent apart, despair that this trip will only last a day. He swallows it all down to introduce Seungmin. "Abeonim and eomeonim, this is my husband, Crown Prince Seungmin."

Seungmin kneels, uncaring that he is dirtying his robes. "It is an honor to meet you, abeonim and eomeonim," he states gravely.

Hyunjin's parents smile kindly at Seungmin, touched by his gesture. "You can stand, Crown Prince Seungmin," Hyunjin's father says.

They have brought some preserved foods with them, and at this juncture, Seungmin presents them to Hyunjin's parents. "Food for abeonim and eomeonim, as thanks for bringing Hyunjin to me. Best wishes for a long, healthy life."

Hyunjin sees the way Seungmin looks at his parents—earnestly, with the utmost respect. There's a swooping feeling in his heart, but he's not sure how to name it.

When they return to the palace, Hyunjin is fully moved into Seungmin's quarters. He spends the first few days largely moping in their sitting room, his nights fitfully dreaming of his parents. In the mornings, Seungmin's eyes look—almost—soft—like he wants to say something—but he never does.

Seunghee deems that Hyunjin has graduated from her course on royal manners, so Hyunjin finds himself bored out of his mind, reduced to just a pretty figurehead. Hyunjin languishes as he waits for Seungmin, who works with his tutors in the mornings and attends meetings in the afternoons.

Hyunjin takes to roaming the palace grounds. His favorite place is a garden that is tucked away that he later comes to realize is where Seungmin was dreaming of when Hyunjin first slipped into Seungmin's dreams. Nevertheless, the garden is peaceful, quiet, and beautiful, a place where Hyunjin feels like he has space to think and be himself.

Seunghee suggests that Hyunjin take up a hobby to keep himself occupied, and Hyunjin cycles through several before he tries out painting. To Hyunjin’s surprise, he finds that he has a natural talent for it, and with Seunghee’s encouragement, he accompanies her to some of her painting lessons.

Still, Hyunjin feels uneasy. He's bored and he barely talks to his husband, the two of them engaged in a cold war.

It all comes to a head when Hyunjin runs into two of the king's advisors discussing a policy regarding taxation given the low crop yields. When they spot him, he recognizes the familiar, predatory glance that he is coming to realize is a product of his beauty and perceived naivete.

"Prince Hyunjin," one of them intones, except it sounds smarmy and disrespectful. "We were just talking about taxation policies on farmers. You grew up on a farm, right?"

Hyunjin nods, unsure where this is going.

"What do you think we should do?" the man asks. Before Hyunjin can respond, he jeers and sneers. "Just kidding, we wouldn't want your opinion anyway. You probably don't even know how to read your own name! Can you, Prince Hyunjin?"

Hyunjin shakes his head, ashamed.

"You're nothing but a pretty face," the advisors laugh and brush past Hyunjin.

Hyunjin strides quickly to Seungmin's quarters, unwilling to give the men the satisfaction of seeing him upset.

When he arrives, though, he sits down trembling, eyes filling with tears of rage and humiliation. He's so lost in his emotions that it takes him a couple of seconds to realize that his husband is standing over him, brow furrowed, looking concerned.

"Hyunjin, what's wrong?" Seungmin asks, his voice softer and kinder than Hyunjin had expected. Than Hyunjin has ever heard it the past several months that they have known each other.

Hyunjin looks up at Seungmin, fierce determination in his eyes. "Give me access to your tutors. I want to be educated. I want to be taken seriously."

Seungmin looks a little bewildered. "Okay. But why?"

Hyunjin tries to deflect, but Seungmin is persistent. Finally, Hyunjin reluctantly tells Seungmin about his interaction with the advisors.

Seungmin's eyes flash, and his mouth is pressed into a thin line. "Do you know who they were?"

Hyunjin shakes his head.

Seungmin frowns, running his hand through his hair. He kneels so that he is looking eye to eye with Hyunjin. He looks a little uncertain, like he is trying to choose the right words. "Hyunjin...I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Hyunjin looks up quickly in surprise. That wasn’t what he expected to hear.

Seungmin must see the confusion in Hyunjin's eyes, because he takes a deep breath and continues. "I knew from a young age what it meant for us that we dream shared. That it meant we were soulmates, that it meant that one day we would be married. I don't think you did. I'm realizing now I could have been more understanding of your situation...that the trajectory of your life changed drastically from what you thought it would be very quickly, and that you were unprepared for life in the palace." Seungmin gnaws on his bottom lip. "I could have supported you more."

"It's okay," Hyunjin whispers. "We're basically strangers, anyway."

Seungmin doesn't look like he entirely agrees, but he doesn't press on it. "You’re still my husband, my soulmate,” he says finally.

Hyunjin doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Anyway, you have nothing to be ashamed of that you haven't learned how to read," Seungmin states firmly. "But if you want to learn, then yes."

Consequently, in the mornings, Hyunjin joins Seungmin to work with his tutors. Hyunjin primarily works with the literature tutor so he can first learn how to read. It's challenging and slow-going, but the tutor is unfailingly patient and Hyunjin is determined to become educated so that his opinions will hold weight. So that he can wrangle some power for himself in this place where he has none.

After Seungmin's apology, Hyunjin finds that his husband seems to have made a promise to himself to be more supportive, more attentive. Seungmin softens a bit around the edges, a little less uptight, a little more human. Hyunjin also senses his husband's eyes lingering on him, considering.

Hyunjin still resents Seungmin, guards himself around Seungmin out of principle. He's not sure he can ever forgive Seungmin of robbing him of his choice.

When Hyunjin's birthday comes around, he doesn't expect much fanfare, and besides a slightly more elaborate dinner, there really isn't much fuss made about his birthday.

Hyunjin has settled into bed for the night, sitting propped up on some pillows to read a simple book. He quietly mumbles the syllables and vowels to himself as his fingers trace over the characters when he hears a quiet rustle.

When Hyunjin looks up from the book, he sees Seungmin looking uncertain, concealing something behind his back. He's surprised that his husband is up so late, as Seungmin usually goes to bed first.

Seungmin steps closer and sits on the edge of the bed. "I got you this for your birthday," he murmurs. He brings his hand to the front and holds his hand outstretched, and in his palm is a variety of paints of vibrant and rare hues.

"Oh," Hyunjin says, and he can't help but feel touched at the gesture. He wasn't expecting a gift at all, let alone one as thoughtful as this. "Thank you," he smiles at Seungmin, big and genuine. "They're lovely. I'll be sure to make good use of them, especially now that it's spring and the flowers will start blooming."

His husband looks handsome in the low lighting, and for a brief, crazed second, Hyunjin thinks about kissing him, but he shakes his head. What a silly idea.

So Hyunjin and Seungmin continue this truce, this standstill of sorts that they have reached. Hyunjin doesn't actively antagonize Seungmin, although he still remains guarded. Seungmin doesn't patronize Hyunjin, although sometimes he still feels a little distant. They do begin to have spirited debates in the morning, though, as Hyunjin begins to gain confidence in his knowledge about ethics and economics and the like. Seungmin starts to ask Hyunjin for his opinions on policies, and Hyunjin always fiercely advocates for the common man. When Hyunjin isn't with Seungmin, he's often with Seunghee.

Occasionally, Jongseo stops by, and whenever this happens, Seungmin is usually in a foul mood all day.

On one such day, Hyunjin returns to their bed chambers to find Seungmin yelling at a maid. "Why are you turning over the sheets this late? Were you slacking off? I'm of half a mind to dismiss you!" he huffs.

Hyunjin sees the poor maid quivering, not even trying to defend herself. "Seungmin," Hyunjin murmurs.

Seungmin doesn't seem to hear Hyunjin, so Hyunjin repeats his name, louder and firmer this time.

Seungmin turns to look at Hyunjin, and Hyunjin can barely recognize his husband. Seungmin's expression is filled with hostility and annoyance.

Hyunjin has spoken to this particular maid before, knows her family relies on her income. "Don't be so hard on Sookja," Hyunjin whispers as he approaches his husband. "Seungmin, she needs the job to make a living. Let it go. It's just a minor inconvenience, not a major grievance."

Hyunjin watches as the tension bleeds out of Seungmin, and Seungmin just looks exhausted and sad. He bows slightly to Sookja. "I apologize for my thoughtlessness and discourteousness," he murmurs.

"It's not a problem, Crown Prince Seungmin," she replies, kneeling down before him. "Thank you for your mercy."

Sookja's supplication only seems to make Seungmin more unhappy. "You can go now," he dismisses her softly. "We can take care of it."

Sookja widens her eyes, as if asking if Seungmin is sure. Seungmin nods, and she flits out of their rooms.

"You probably think less of me now, don't you?" Seungmin asks, laughing, but it's humorless.

Hyunjin wants to say something. That Seungmin was being uncharacteristically harsh, but that Hyunjin has come to really respect him. Seungmin doesn't stay around for Hyunjin's mouth to catch up with his brain, though. "I'm going to go sleep on the couch," Seungmin says and brushes past Hyunjin.

Hyunjin carefully fixes the sheets himself. He is loath to admit it, but it feels odd to sleep with the bed empty and cold on the other side.

Seungmin remains moody for a couple of days, but eventually, he seems to move past it. Hyunjin is privately relieved. It's...difficult to see Seungmin so conflicted and uneasy. Hyunjin clips that thought right there.

Sometime later, Hyunjin is painting in the gardens when he hears Seungmin's voice, followed by the king's voice. He cranes his neck to try to hear what they're saying.

"Have you consummated the marriage yet?" the king asks.

"Not yet, abeonim," Seungmin replies.

"Why not?" the king asks, pointed and harsh. "It's been more than six months now."

"I want it to be his choice," Seungmin responds, voice quiet and unsure.

"Can't you be a little more forceful, authoritative? Why are you letting that boy walk all over you, the crown prince?" the king asks, his voice rising with irritation. "Indulging in his nonsense like wanting to be educated. He's a nobody, Seungmin. Just a poor farmer's son. You know the marriage isn't legitimate without consummation. You know the risk you're running, the disadvantageous position you're putting yourself in by not consummating."

What Seungmin says next sticks with Hyunjin for a long time. His voice is clear, steady, resolute. "He is still my husband, my soulmate, abeonim. Just as I have a duty to my country, I also have a duty to him to put forth my best effort in trying to make our marriage work."

As far as Hyunjin can tell, Seungmin still views everything through the lens of duty, but Hyunjin is secretly moved by Seungmin's commitment to Hyunjin and their marriage despite his father's meddling. Hyunjin softens just a little bit when it comes to Seungmin. Almost lets him see his fleshy interior.

Hyunjin thinks he has—to the best of his ability, at least—adjusted to life at the palace. However, the night of his mother's birthday, he finds himself dreaming of being home again. When he wakes up, his cheeks are damp.

Hyunjin rushes to the place in the palace where he feels most at peace, his secret garden. There, he crumples and cries, huge, wracking sobs that tear through his body.

"Hyunjin," he hears someone who sounds a lot like Seungmin say. But what would anyone, let alone Seungmin, be doing here?

"Hyunjin," the person repeats again. Hyunjin peers up, and there is his husband. His husband looks dejected and conflicted.

"Hyunjin," Seungmin whispers. "Can I at least hold your hand?"

Hyunjin gives the barest of nods, and then feels his husband's warm hand curling around his.

Seungmin takes a deep breath. "You can go home for a month, if you'd like. I can only give you a month and no more."

"How—how did you know?" Hyunjin asks.

Seungmin smiles, a little bittersweet. "You know how. I was in that dream, too. I think you were so focused on your parents that you didn't notice me."

Hyunjin hadn't.

Hyunjin takes Seungmin up on the offer, as they both knew he would. Hyunjin decides to wear his old clothing, and he will only be accompanied by a single guard. Seungmin's parents don't see him off, and Hyunjin suspects they are not happy with this turn of events, especially since their marriage remains unconsummated and illegitimate.

Seunghee gives him a tight hug. "I hope you enjoy your time at home," she smiles, although it doesn't quite seem to reach her eyes. She then steps away to give Hyunjin and Seungmin some privacy.

Hyunjin turns to look at his husband. Seungmin smiles, but it seems a little forced. Hyunjin has a slight inkling of how much Seungmin is sacrificing by letting him go home, and words and actions don't seem to be enough to express his gratitude.

"Thank you," Hyunjin murmurs, and he hesitantly lifts his hand to cup Seungmin's cheek. Seungmin trembles at the contact.

Hyunjin isn't sure what emotion he's feeling, but he's just so thankful, and his husband looks so lovely in the early morning light. Without thinking, he leans in, his lips brushing Seungmin's, capturing the aborted gasp that falls from Seungmin's lips. Hyunjin snakes his tongue in, and they stay like that awhile, lost in the moment. Seungmin's lips are so soft and warm under Hyunjin's.

And then Hyunjin leaves.

Hyunjin's parents are surprised but overjoyed when he returns home. Hyunjin is ecstatic to be home as well.

As the days pass, though, he begins to feel a little uneasy. He doesn't feel quite the way he expected he would. Home just doesn’t feel quite the same way anymore, and it’s not just because his parents have made some upgrades around the house presumably with resources from the royal family. He’s just—changed, not the same boy he used to be, before all this happened, and it’s not until he returns home that he realizes that. He feels like he’s in limbo, not quite at ease at the palace or at home. Unmoored.

He also finds his mind wandering back again and again to Seungmin. And their kiss. An unwelcome, unexpected anchor.

His mother seems to sense his turmoil, because one night as he is lying in bed she sits at the edge of the bed, running her hands through his hair.

“Want to tell your eomeoni what’s on your mind?” she asks.

Hyunjin shakes his head. He wouldn’t even know where to start.

She kisses him on the forehead, gentle. “My little boy, all grown up. I just wanted you to know, it’s okay to change. It’s expected that you will change as you grow older. We still love you all the same. We’re still proud of you all the same.”

He hadn’t needed to tell her after all.

All too soon, Hyunjin’s month at home is up, and he returns to the palace with a heavy heart that he’s leaving his family, but underneath that, to his surprise, excitement to see Seungmin again.

Upon his return, though, he’s a little disappointed to find that Seungmin doesn’t bring up the kiss and their relationship remains unchanged.

Consequently, despite the kiss, despite the progress they’ve made in their relationship, their marriage still remains unconsummated, illegitimate. Seungmin, predictably habitual to a fault, continues to retire to bed early. For his part, Hyunjin continues to slip into their marital bed after Seungmin has fallen asleep, both because he finds that he is the most productive in the evenings and because he wants to avoid the awkwardness of lying awake side by side, bodies a few hand spans apart but hearts what feels like a million miles apart. But maybe closer than before.

Seungmin doesn't ask, and Hyunjin doesn't yield. So, Hyunjin supposes they will continue like that, ad infinitum, sleeping on opposite edges of the bed like brothers instead of lovers, with tension stretching between them like a silken thread.

Ironically, it is actually Seunghee who sits Hyunjin down for a talk, not Seungmin.

“How was your trip back home?” she asks, careful.

“It was good, thanks for asking, noonim,” he smiles warmly back at her.

She chews the inside of her mouth, seeming to consider whether she should say something. “Our parents were furious that Seungmin let you go, you know.”

Hyunjin had suspected, but his emotions still feel raw to be confronted with the truth. He feels—thankful, apologetic, upset.

Seunghee takes a deep breath. “You know I care about you as if you were my real dongsaeng.”

Hyunjin nods, unsure where this is going.

“Give my Seungminnie a chance like you’ve given me a chance,” she pleads. “I know you have complicated feelings about him, but you’ve just been so hard on him. For a marriage to work, both people need to be trying. He’s really been trying. I’m not sure you have. Just—think about it.”

Hyunjin does, in fact, think about it. In the end, it turns out to be less about reflection, communication, or love, but more about pure, unbridled lust, a dam bursting. At least, that’s what Hyunjin concludes.

One night, when Hyunjin returns a little early to their bed chambers, and instead of finding Seungmin fast asleep like usual, he finds his husband bare, face flushed cherry red, hand stroking his cock vigorously as he moans Hyunjin’s name.

Hyunjin stands shock still at the entrance to their bed chambers, trying to process what he’s seeing. His serious, dispassionate, rational husband has never given any indication as far as Hyunjin is concerned that he desires Hyunjin, that he sees intercourse as anything other than a duty to be fulfilled like entertaining foreign dignitaries or sitting in on military meetings. Or marrying Hyunjin. Hyunjin doesn’t want to examine the whys of his own reaction too closely, but unlike the repulsion he feels when others, like the King’s advisors, eye him lasciviously, seeing Seungmin—his husband—like—like this—fills him with a thrumming undercurrent of excitement and power under his skin. Seungmin wants him, after all.

When Seungmin eventually notices Hyunjin’s presence, instead of acting bashful like Hyunjin expected, his husband gazes intently at Hyunjin through his lashes with heated desire, his hand unceasing.

Hyunjin slowly advances towards their bed. “You want me.” It’s a statement, rather than a question. Hidden behind it, a little bit of wonder.

“Is it a crime for me to want my husband?” Seungmin asks Hyunjin challengingly, rhetorically.

“You’ve never acted like you wanted me before,” Hyunjin points out reasonably, in his opinion.

Seungmin snorts. “Or you’ve just never noticed.” Hyunjin watches as his husband sits up, eyes hooded, miles and miles of honeyed skin on display. “Well, now you know that I want you. What are you going to do about it?”

Hyunjin feels dizzy with the intensity of his husband’s desire. Lost in the moment, he forgets why he has been trying so hard to resist his husband, and he feels powerless against what feels like some outward force pulling him towards Seungmin. Hyunjin submits to the attraction he has always felt for Seungmin since meeting him in person, his lips crashing into Seungmin’s.

That night, nearly a year after their wedding night, they finally consummate their marriage.

Their kiss is ferocious, more teeth than tongue, borne out of inexperience and impatience. They war with one another inside the bedroom as they do outside of it, tussling on the bed until Seungmin has Hyunjin pinned underneath him, subdued. Just as in their daily life, though, even though to an observer it might seem that Seungmin is in control, it is really Hyunjin who wields all the power. Hyunjin feels like he is really seeing his husband for the first time. His husband looks hopelessly enamored, as if he would traverse the infinite night sky to bring Hyunjin a star if that’s what Hyunjin wanted. Hyunjin supposes he has.

“I’m going to make you feel so good tonight, baby,” Seungmin whispers, his lips brushing the shell of Hyunjin’s ear. Hyunjin shivers, feeling increasingly like a spool of need wound too tight. Seungmin licks and nips at Hyunjin’s neck, drawing out high-pitched whines from Hyunjin. Seungmin sucks particularly hard near Hyunjin’s pulse point, and Hyunjin groans as he feels pain and pleasure intermixed bloom under his skin. Seungmin apologetically licks kittenishly at the spot, trying to soothe the burn. “You’re mine, all mine,” Seungmin rasps possessively. “Only I get to see you like this, have you like this.”

“I’m yours, all yours,” Hyunjin chants like a prayer, and Seungmin’s eyes darken with lust and hunger, as if he wants to consume Hyunjin whole.

Seungmin gently tugs on Hyunjin’s sleep shirt, asking for permission with his eyes, and Hyunjin nods. After Seungmin pulls Hyunjin’s top off, they moan together at the friction between their bare skin. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” Seungmin whispers reverently to himself as his lips ghost feather-light over the moles littered across the exposed expanse of Hyunjin’s skin.

Seungmin has never told Hyunjin so before, and against his will, Hyunjin finds himself tucking away the pearl of a compliment like a contraband treasure. Something he was never meant to hear.

Like Seungmin’s approach to anything else in his life, his approach to love-making is steady, thorough, and deliberate, seemingly precisely deployed to make Hyunjin lose his mind bit by bit. As Seungmin devotedly licks over Hyunjin’s nipple, sucking the bud into his mouth and grazing over it with his teeth, the sensations Hyunjin is experiencing are so foreign, so pleasurable that he feels like he might float away.

Hyunjin feels the pads of Seungmin’s fingertips curled around the waistband of his pants, branding Hyunjin’s skin. Hyunjin nods his permission, and Seungmin rolls the pants down Hyunjin’s legs, leaving them both bare. Hyunjin’s cock rebounds, hanging heavy and aching between his thighs, weeping with pre-come, and Seungmin wraps his hand around the shaft, stroking gently. Hyunjin keens, the unfamiliar sensation of Seungmin’s hand, rather than his own, so deliciously good, he feels close to orgasming on the spot, and Hyunjin can't help the way his hips buck in search of even more friction. He can feel Seungmin’s eyes roving over every inch of his body ravenously at his neediness, and Hyunjin flushes under Seungmin’s attention.

As Seungmin strokes Hyunjin, he leaves soft kisses in his wake on the inside of Hyunjin’s thighs, gently nudging Hyunjin’s legs farther apart. Hyunjin lets out a noise of protest, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

Hyunjin suddenly feels a flare of insecurity and jealousy in his chest. Had Seungmin actually slept with someone before?

Hyunjin realizes in retrospect that he is frowning, and when Seungmin notices, he lifts his head up from between Hyunjin’s legs and climbs up Hyunjin’s body so that they are looking eye to eye. “What’s on your mind?” Seungmin asks, concerned.

“You seem to know your way around the bedroom…have you actually slept with someone before?” Hyunjin, try as he might, can’t quite hide the anxiety and insecurity that bleeds into his tone.

Seungmin shakes his head no, coughing delicately as a pretty flush develops high on his cheeks. “Er, before our wedding day I was given a…textbook of sorts. On the topic. This is my first time practically applying the lessons, you might say.”

Hyunjin laughs, oddly relieved and endeared. His studious husband would learn about love-making from a manual.

The frenetic energy from earlier has since dissipated, and Seungmin kisses Hyunjin again. This time the kiss is slow, their mouths moving sensually, dreamily against each other. “Do you trust me?” Seungmin murmurs, mouthing at the corner of Hyunjin’s lips. Seungmin’s expression seems, surprisingly, fond and tender.

Hyunjin considers his husband, about how he has always tried to do right by Hyunjin, no matter how petulant or tempestuous Hyunjin is, and he is unexpectedly hit by a sense of shame, of gratefulness, of affection. “I do,” Hyunjin responds. He realizes that it’s true.

Seungmin parts Hyunjin’s legs again, humming and rubbing soothing circles on Hyunjin’s inner thighs to calm Hyunjin. After giving Hyunjin a firm parting kiss, Seungmin lowers himself between Hyunjin’s legs. Slowly, Seungmin licks over Hyunjin’s hole, and Hyunjin shudders at the strange sensation.

Seungmin pauses. “Is it okay if I continue?”

Hyunjin nods mutely, and Seungmin methodically laps at Hyunjin, his tongue darting in and out and tracing patterns inside of Hyunjin. Hyunjin moans at the alien, pleasurable experience, and he can feel Seungmin smiling, pleased. “Do you feel good, baby?” Seungmin purrs, and all Hyunjin can do is moan in response, hips unconsciously circling in search of more pleasure.

Eventually, Seungmin inserts his index finger, and Hyunjin winces at the intrusion. Seungmin presses gentle kisses in the inside of Hyunjin’s thighs, whispering sweet nothings as he tries to work Hyunjin open. Eventually, as Seungmin’s finger advances deeper inside Hyunjin, he hits resistance, and Hyunjin feels pleasure blossoming in his veins, leaking a little pre-come onto his abdomen. Seungmin experimentally explores the area with the pad of his finger, and Hyunjin groans, lost in a haze of desire. “Seungmin, don’t stop,” he whimpers. Seungmin promises he won’t, and he keeps his promise, eventually adding another finger and scissoring Hyunjin open. Seungmin is cautious, gradually working Hyunjin up to three fingers, so careful that Hyunjin finally grows impatient. “Do you plan to consummate our marriage during this lifetime?” Hyunjin asks, sulky.

Seungmin lets out a huff of laughter, a little affronted. As Seungmin makes a move to spit in his own hand, presumably to lubricate his own cock, Hyunjin swats Seungmin’s hand out of the way. “I want to make you feel good, too,” Hyunjin hums, batting his eyelashes coyly in a way he thinks Seungmin will have difficulty resisting. It’s true, his husband has been so focused on pleasuring Hyunjin with little thought to his own pleasure. When Hyunjin sees Seungmin gulp in response, looking a little awed, he knows he has him.

Seungmin stands on the side of the bed, and Hyunjin drops to his knees before Seungmin. This is only the second time he’s ever done this, the first time not worth mentioning, but what he lacks in experience he makes up in enthusiasm. He starts off lapping at the weeping tip of Seungmin’s cock, the taste salty but not unpleasant, then he takes the head into his mouth, the weight satisfying against his tongue. Seungmin groans gutturally from the attention after being neglected, his eyes fixated on Hyunjin, as if he can’t look away. As Hyunjin takes Seungmin deeper down his throat, Seungmin lets out a litany of moans. Hyunjin bobs up and down a couple of times before Seungmin gently tugs on his hair. “That’s enough, Hyunjin,” he says, and Hyunjin reluctantly slides off Seungmin’s dick with a quiet pop.

When they return to the bed, Hyunjin notices that his husband’s eyes are molten. “I’ve fantasized of seeing your pretty lips wrapped around my cock ever since I caught you sucking my reckless cousin,” he says, and Hyunjin shivers in response. “You looked even prettier than I imagined,” Seungmin growls, and Hyunjin feels light-headed with the praise.

Then, Seungmin carefully brushes Hyunjin’s hair out of his eyes. “Are you ready?” he murmurs.

Hyunjin nods, definitive. “Yes.”

Seungmin grips his spit-slicked cock and lines it up with Hyunjin’s rim. He presses in slowly, watching the minute variations in Hyunjin’s expressions attentively, pausing and giving Hyunjin time to adjust when needed, and Hyunjin is grateful for his care. When Seungmin finally bottoms out, Hyunjin feels his consciousness splinter away with the heights of his bliss.

As Seungmin starts to speed up, the two of them moan in unison, lost in one another’s bodies. The squelching and slapping noises their bodies are producing are lewd, obscene, but Hyunjin is so far gone that he doesn’t feel a shred of self-consciousness.

Their movements grow steadily more erratic, and Hyunjin feels like he is riding steadily higher crests of pleasure. His moaning reaches a fever pitch when he comes onto his stomach, untouched, stars bursting behind his eyelids. His orgasm triggers Seungmin’s, and the two of them cling to one another as Seungmin spills into Hyunjin. Seungmin continues thrusting shallowly into Hyunjin as they float down from their high together.

Seungmin kisses Hyunjin’s temple afterwards, and that, oddly, seems like the most intimate thing they’ve done all night. “Thank you for trusting me,” Seungmin mumbles. Hyunjin nods drowsily in acknowledgement.

After that, Hyunjin lies languorously in bed as Seungmin, humming under his breath, drenches a cloth in water and gently cleans Hyunjin and then himself. Despite Hyunjin’s sleepy protests, Seungmin manages to get Hyunjin dressed again in his sleep clothes, scolding him that he’ll catch a cold if not.

“I’ve never heard you sing. In person, that is,” Hyunjin mumbles sleepily, not thinking much of his idle observation.

Seungmin freezes, then clears his throat. “I don’t sing much anymore. It’s…unbecoming.”

Seungmin seems to seriously consider Hyunjin’s words, though, mulling over them in his mind. “I could sing a little for you right now. If you want.”

Hyunjin does want, and he nods groggily. Seungmin begins singing, his voice soft and delicate, enveloping Hyunjin in a cocoon of sweetness and something Hyunjin can’t quite identify.

As Hyunjin drifts off to sleep to Seungmin’s voice, he thinks he hears Seungmin whisper in his ear, although it seems like Seungmin is talking more to himself than to Hyunjin. “I’m sorry I’m so greedy, Hyunjin. I’m thankful for all you gave me today, and yet I want more than just your body, I want your heart too…I want everything.”

The last thought Hyunjin has before falling asleep is, hasn’t Seungmin taken enough from him?

After that night, they can’t keep their hands off of each other. As Hyunjin gains more confidence in the bedroom, he takes great pride in trying to ruin his husband, making Seungmin fall apart on his tongue or riding Seungmin until his husband is delirious with pleasure. If anyone in the palace was initially ignorant that they had consummated their marriage, at this point everyone in the palace must know given their near daily escapades in their bed chambers.

And yet, Hyunjin doesn’t know what it means. Clearly, they are physically attracted to each other, but he isn’t sure if it’s just sex or if it actually means something.

Another change that happens is that they start being able to interact with one another in their dreams.

Hyunjin first notices it when Seungmin slips into one of his dreams. Hyunjin is looking at a painting of the sea, dreaming of the ocean. He's never seen open water, growing up on the farm and then moving to the palace. He senses someone approaching him and turns to find his husband striding towards him.

"Maybe I can take you to see the sea someday," his husband leans towards him, murmuring in his ear.

Hyunjin blinks, perplexed. Is he dreaming of Seungmin? Or has Seungmin slipped into his dream but managed to break the invisible wall between himself and Hyunjin's innermost thoughts, and can now move freely in Hyunjin's dreams?

Hyunjin wakes up shortly afterwards, Seungmin's chin hooked around his shoulder. Hyunjin turns around to look at his husband, who looks back at him, eyes luminous.

"I'll take you with me the next time I travel to one of the outer districts so you can see the sea," Seungmin mumbles, voice quiet and rough from sleep.

"That was actually you in my dream?" Hyunjin asks, a little surprised.

"Mmm," Seungmin yawns lazily, stretching his arms up overhead.

"But—but—you have never been able to interact with me before when you slipped into one of my dreams."

"It usually happens after the marriage has been consummated," Seungmin explains, drawing idle patterns on Hyunjin's waist. "That was part of the reason why my parents were so insistent on consummating the marriage, because the bond between the soulmates grows stronger and they develop the ability to communicate in their dreams."

Seungmin leaves his explanation of the new development at that. "Anyway, my father wants to discuss some political matters this morning, so I have to go," Seungmin replies, absent-mindedly kissing Hyunjin's hairline and slipping out of Hyunjin's embrace.

Hyunjin almost holds him tighter, almost asks him to stay a little longer. He lies in bed for about an hour afterwards, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what it all means. What has gotten into him.

They incorporate sex into the pattern they've established. They both work with Seungmin's tutors; although Seungmin, adept in literature and history, has started sometimes teaching Hyunjin in lieu of his tutors, his hands incidentally brushing against Hyunjin's, sending shivers of anticipation and desire up Hyunjin's spine. Hyunjin paints as Seungmin attends one meeting or another, but Seungmin dutifully summarizes them all to Hyunjin afterwards and listens to his suggestions. They make love in the evenings and fall asleep in each other's arms, at which point they often enter each other's dreams, sometimes sitting together in silence, sometimes talking to one another, sometimes exploring the dreamscape together.

One night, Hyunjin slips into Seungmin's dream and finds his husband sitting on a bench, his back towards Hyunjin. His shoulders are moving jerkily, and when Hyunjin nears him, he realizes his husband is crying.

It comes as a shock to Hyunjin. His husband is usually so stoic that Hyunjin is convinced half the time that Seungmin doesn't even have emotions. He's never seen Seungmin cry, awake or asleep, and he feels out of his depth.

"Seungmin," he whispers. Seungmin looks up, and his expression of panic and defensiveness makes him nearly unrecognizable to Hyunjin, so foreign is that expression on Seungmin.

"Seungmin, what's wrong?" Hyunjin asks.

Seungmin dabs at his eyes roughly and shakes his head. "It's nothing," he responds.

"You can tell me," Hyunjin murmurs. He tries to approach Seungmin, but Seungmin backs away, and Hyunjin tries to ignore the twinge of hurt he feels at Seungmin's reaction.

"It's just that you—" Seungmin shakes his head again. "Never mind, forget it."

Seungmin remains obstinate even when they wake up, refusing to tell Hyunjin why he was crying. When Hyunjin tries to hold Seungmin closer, Seungmin methodically unslots his body from Hyunjin's, a hard look on his face. Hyunjin, at a loss and grasping for straws, tries to proposition his husband, leaning into Seungmin's personal space and whispering enticingly in Seungmin's ear about how they can have a slow morning in bed, but Seungmin brushes him off and leaves the bed.

Hyunjin is more than a little offended and wounded at his husband's reaction, but when he thinks back to the way the sobs wracked his husband's body, he feels restless and worried. What's wrong with Seungmin? And why won't he tell Hyunjin?

From that point forward, there is a sense of uneasiness that settles over all their interactions. Even when Hyunjin thinks he’s escaped it, when he turns around it’s still there, closer than he expected. There for the taking if he wants it.

It’s confusing for Hyunjin, the way his husband sometimes pulls him closer and sometimes pushes him away.

Seungmin has slipped into one of his moods when he perfunctorily tells Hyunjin that he's going on a hunting trip with Jongseo. His jaw seems tight, and Hyunjin wouldn't be surprised if his husband is haunted by the memories of finding Hyunjin fooling around with his cousin. Hyunjin regrets it now, although he's never told Seungmin that. Seungmin has turned on his heel before Hyunjin has time to think about whether he should bring it up now.

Morning turns to afternoon, and afternoon turns into evening. Hyunjin begins to feel a little anxious. Shouldn’t Seungmin have come home by now?

Hyunjin tries to reassure himself that it’s probably fine, but he finds himself sitting nervously in the courtyard waiting for Seungmin to return anyway.

It’s pitch black when Hyunjin sees one of the guards galloping at a frantic pace, and when Hyunjin squints…is that Seungmin, lying limp against the guard’s torso?

“Doctor! I need the doctor!” the guard yells as he dismounts and runs, carrying Seungmin to their bed chambers.

Hyunjin doesn’t even realize he’s run over to where Seungmin is, crowding the guard, until the guard speaks up.

“Prince Hyunjin,” the guard says firmly. “I know he’s your husband, but we need you to give the doctor room.”

Hyunjin blinks, vision swimming with tears. It’s an out-of-body experience, but he finds himself jerkily stepping back.

The doctor passes through. Seungmin stirs and groans as the doctor deftly strips Seungmin of his clothing. Hyunjin wants to vomit when he realizes that there is wadded up piece of cloth tied around Seungmin’s abdomen, stained dark red with blood.

“What happened?” the doctor asks, voice steady as he inspects Seungmin’s wound.

The guard shakes his head, disgusted. “That bastard Jongseo lured Crown Prince Seungmin away from us guards and attacked him while they were hunting, trying to assassinate him for the throne. Luckily we were able to catch up to them and that bastard was killed in the struggle.”

Jongseo—had—tried—to assassinate Seungmin? Regret at his thoughtless dalliance with Jongseo coats his throat, even thicker than before, suffocating. It was foolish, especially now that he knows he loves Seungmin.

Knows he loves Seungmin?

By now, Seungmin’s parents and Seunghee are also gathered in his bed chambers. “What is your assessment?” the king asks, commanding but with a nervous edge to his voice.

“I think he’ll be okay,” the doctor pronounces, and everyone breathes an audible sigh of relief. “He’s lost quite a bit of blood, but I don’t think the wound injured any of his internal organs. He will just need time to rest and heal.”

From that point on, Hyunjin stands to the side, dazed, ears filled with white noise as the doctor continues to discuss some matters with the king and when Seungmin’s family talks to him. Finally, everyone files out of the room, Seunghee giving Hyunjin’s hand a comforting squeeze before she leaves.

Hyunjin draws a chair up to the bed, and it feels like Seungmin is the center of his world. He carefully raises his hand and gently runs his fingers through Seungmin’s damp, silken hair, then traces Seungmin’s delicate features that he has grown to—to love.

Seungmin blinks lethargically, his lashes fluttering like fans. “Hyunjin?” he murmurs, voice hoarse.

“Yes, it’s me,” Hyunjin replies, voice soft. Seungmin seems to relax at that, body settling into the bed.

Hyunjin has to tell him. If—if this is his last chance. He leans down, pressing a chaste kiss to Seungmin’s lips, trying to pour all his love and care into the kiss. “Seungmin,” he says seriously, and Seungmin opens his eyes, trying to keep his gaze fixed on Hyunjin despite being a little dazed.

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin repeats, and takes a deep breath. “Seungmin, I love you.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen in surprise, and then he chuckles. “Maybe Jongseo should have tried to assassinate me earlier if that meant you would confess earlier.” Seungmin looks at Hyunjin, eyes full of tenderness and fondness. “I love you more, babo-ya.”

Seungmin loves him. Hyunjin shakes his head. “Seungmin, don’t—don’t joke about that.”

Hyunjin narrows his eyes at Seungmin. “You can’t die on me yet. Not when we haven’t seen the sea together.”

Seungmin smiles indulgently. “Okay, Hyunjin. My Hyunjin.”

“I like the sound of that,” Hyunjin whispers.

Seungmin feels too tired to keep talking after that, and Hyunjin lets him rest. Hyunjin, with the assistance of the doctor and some maids, slowly nurses Seungmin back to full health.

A couple days later, Seungmin is sitting up in bed, reading a book when he turns to look at Hyunjin mischievously. “Tell me about how you realized you loved me. You haven’t yet.”

Hyunjin laughs a little huffily but coddles his husband. “I resented you at first, you know? Against my will, I was torn from my family and thrown into this unfamiliar situation where I didn’t know the rules and didn’t even have a person I could ask what they were. You were so aloof and baffling, too.”

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. “I was resentful of you for a long time. I felt so powerless, so helpless, my worth only relative to you and not my own merits.”

He gazes at Seungmin a little helplessly. “But then you tried. Despite how uncooperative and stubborn I was, you tried. Allowing me to become educated, taking my opinions seriously, letting me go home even though your parents were angry with you for doing so…it was inevitable that I would fall in love with you, really.”

“It’s on me and my idiocy that I didn’t realize what I felt for you was love until something as dramatic as you getting hurt happened, though. For a brief moment, the thought crossed my mind that—that if—if you, if you, died—I would be able to go home.”

Hyunjin tangles his fingers with Seungmin’s and presses a kiss to Seungmin’s knuckles. “I was shocked to realize that that wasn’t what I wanted anymore. What I wanted was to be here, with you. Because I loved you. Because I love you.”

“And if you died, a part of me would die with you, too.”

“So,” Hyunjin says, leaving lots of loud, smacking kisses all over Seungmin’s face, making Seungmin laugh, “you can’t die on me now.”

“I choose you,” Hyunjin whispers. “I choose you today, tomorrow, and forever. And if I had to go back, I would choose you then, too. I love you, Kim Seungmin.”