Chapter Text
Ever since that glorious Sunday when I met my new perfect neighbour I had spent as many hours outside the house as possible but I never caught a glimpse of him.
I had lots of time to kill so I wasted way too many thoughts about what would happen when I'd meet him again, imagining conversations and a lot of touching
- I admit I got a little obsessed!
Ok, now this sounds as if weeks had passed but in fact it was only three days.
Wednesday evening I was adjusting the sprinklers in the garden when I suddenly heard his voice behind me.
"When you're done with your garden you can continue with mine!"
I tried to wipe this insane grin from my face before I turned around.
He leaned on the fence between our properties, wearing a grey business suit and a white shirt without a tie, looking stunning! What was it again I had planned to say?
"Oh, umm..sure, I can do that!" I took a closer look at his garden. "although this jungle of yours seems to care for itself!
...Hei!- by the way!"
"Hei Vanessa!"
He stood up and turned around himself to check out the masses of weeds growing around him.
"Yeah, I kinda like it!" he said "At first it was just that I was to lazy to take care of this mess...but I think I'm gonna keep it!"
He rolled his head around on his shoulders and gave me a smile.
"Nice idea! Although Tore will not be too pleased!"
"Tore?"
"My brother, you know? He loves his lawn!
Back from work?" I asked, pointing with my head towards his outfit. "You look tired!"
Hopefully he wouldn't find it a rude thing to say!
"I actually am!" he said rubbing his nose "Would you like to come over so I can place my butt somewhere comfortable? I'd love to see a friendly face for a moment before this day is over."
"Nice idea! I'll bring my friendliest of faces!"
I fought hard not to look like a retarded elephant climbing over the fence and followed him
to the veranda at the backside of his house. There were no furniture but a hammock was hanging between two trees a few meters away.
"Awww, cool! I love those!" I called out thrilled and threw myself on it.
After I had swung back and forth for a few seconds I sat up, embarrassed.
"Oh. sorry! It should be for you to relax!"
"Nah..., it's ok! I just sit down here." he smirked and placed himself on the stairs to the veranda.
"The funny thing is I've never been here after living next door for twenty-five years!" I stated and took a closer look at the surroundings. "But there were never kids living here so I had no reason to come."
"Ah- you grew up here?" he asked interested
"Yup. It's my mother's house. She died when I was eighteen and Tore kept it when he got married"
"Sorry about your mum..."
"Uh, it's ok! It has been a while, you know?"
I gazed over to our house. "I still feel at home here very much.
And my brother is doing his best to replace my mum! 'Nessa, you need to be more responsible!' " I joked , copying him.
"Nessa?!" Finn cringed.
"I know!" I laughed "That's how my mum called me. I try to get rid of it for years but he won't stop calling me that!"
"But what about the beautiful rest of your name? 'Van' to me sounds far too nice to just drop it!"
"Yeah, back at school the girls used to call me Vanny." I answered
"That's nicer!" he nodded "I will use that if you don't mind.
Do you know that your name was a creation of a great mind back in the 18th century?"
I gave him a questioning look.
"Jonathan Swift wrote a poem in 1726 about his lover Esther Vanhornrigh and used 'Vanessa' as a synonym for her. It got famous as a first name since then. There's even a butterfly genus named Vanessa!"
"Wow! How come you know all that?" I asked surprised
"Oh, I read about it. Got stuck in my head."
"Very appreciated knowledge, thank you!"
I quietly smiled to myself while I swung a bit in my hammock. Did that mean he googled my name? Or could it just be coincidence? If not- why would he do it?
I didn't dare to follow this thought any further.
"Want to get rid of this suit, if you don't mind!" he interrupted my thinking. "I'll be back in a minute!"
"Oh, hey Finn- I'm curious!" I called after him "Can I come with you and take a look at the house?"
He wordlessly beckoned me in and I hurried after him through the glass door.
The room I came into hit me by surprise.
It was empty. The only piece of furniture was an old couch standing right in the middle by a small, packed table.
"Oh my god! Don't get shocked but I think you were robbed!" I quipped to hide my astonishment.
He chuckled and opened the door to the hallway which was empty as well as I could see now.
"I didn't take care about furnishings by now. Give me some time!"
"Money issues?" I asked compassionately thinking of his separating.
"No..." He stopped walking down the hallway and turned back to me. "No, money was never a problem!"
He opened a door into a kitchen that was almost as blank as the other rooms except for a plane white kitchenette and a fridge.
On the desk stood a bottle of red wine and four bulbous wine glasses.
He grabbed the bottle and pulled out the cork.
"May I offer you a drink?" he asked while he filled one of the glasses half way.
"Oh, not for me, thank you!" I opted out "I get drunk from a piece of brandy confectionery!"
"Sorry, I don't have anything else!" he apologized and leaned back on the desk sipping from his wine.
"Don't worry, I don't need anything." I replied.
He gazed into his glass.
"I have a very, very well paid job, you know.
We had absolutely everything, Sanna and me and the kids back in our house.
Everything one can imagine to have.
But I felt like I don't wanted it anymore.
What she didn't take to Göteborg, I left in the house to sell it combined."
He gave me a smile and made a sweeping gesture with his glass.
"I feel released from all that stuff, I'm telling you!
My plan is to just buy anything the very moment I feel like I desperately miss it!"
"Sounds like a plan!" I smiled back.
He stood up. "Back to my main goal!" he said and made his way to the next door.
This room seemed to be the only one in this house filled with stuff.
Very special stuff.
Beside a huge wardrobe a lot of musical instruments were arranged all over the room, accurately placed in their racks, all neat and obviously cherished.
There was a digital piano, several guitars, a cello and a trumpet as well as a mixer table.
"Wow... your secret life as a musician!" I murmured
"Yup, I told you!" he called while he took off his jacket and hung it on a hanger.
"You can play all of these?" I asked in amazement.
"Uh-hm, I taught myself" he answered and started to opening his belt. "Can't think of anything better to do to relax!"
"Oh no, wait! I- eh..I'm gonna leave the room when you...!" I stuttered and heat crawled up my neck.
"Don't be stupid, I won't get naked!"
"Ok..."
No? You won't? A pity!
Still I didn't know where to look at.
I stepped next to the piano and tried to play a tone.
I pressed a key several times until I understood that the thing was switched off and therefore I wouldn't get to hear one single sound.
Finn appeared beside me and turned the piano on.
He only wore a white, ribbed undershirt, I noticed when I glanced over to him.
Some black curly chest hair sneaked out at the neckline.
It looked insanely sexy and I had to clear my throat to get back to normal breathing.
He ran his fingers over the keys and played a short harmony.
"Here you are!" he mumbled.
Unskillfully I pretend to play something as well but it sounded as if I'd wish to butcher the keyboard and I providently put my hands into my pockets to not cause more noise.
"How come you musicians always have more than one guitar?" I asked casually.
Anything but not thinking of him half undressed!
"They all do not sound the same, do they?"
He started to laugh, his head inside a t-shirt.
"No, of course they are all different in sound, structure and usage!" he started when he had pulled it down, came over and put his hand on the first guitar.
"See, this one is a Flamenco guitar, which is not identical with a Spanish classical guitar, although the name would assume that. But it has a much more percussive sound that makes it a very suitable instrument to play jazz. It's an acoustic guitar.
This Gibson here however is a semi-acoustic, a so called archtop guitar.
Those are such, in which the top and often the back of the instrument are carved from a solid billet in a curved shape. The design is a bit similar to a violin because of that as well as because of these 'f' shaped holes here.
It's 'semi' acoustic because the sound can be supported electrically over this pickup.
Different from that this is an electric guitar.
They are flat and solid because they don't need their body to produce sound. Electromagnetic pickups convert the vibration of the strings into signals, which are fed to an amplifier through a transmitter.
Without that they don't give much sound, though.
Same with bass guitar, which this is..."
He felt silent when he looked at me, although I hadn't done anything but trying to follow his explanations and enjoying the warm sound of his voice.
He bit his lips, ran both hands through his curls and turned around himself once.
"Fuck! I'm doing it again!"
"What?" I asked, surprised by his harsh tone.
"Bothering people with facts they didn't ask for!"
"No, it's cool! It's like you are a living Wikipedia!" I laughed.
"Yeah, exactly what people love to have in a conversation! That's what makes me a freak!"
With an annoyed expression he grabbed the glass he had put on a sideboard when we had come in and took a big sip.
"No... really - cool to me! What is being a freak supposed to mean anyway?"
"Being different from others and aware of it all your life, that is!"
Sounded familiar.
"So what is it that makes you so different?" I asked
"None of your interest..."
With arms crossed over his chest he stared down on the keyboard.
His rudeness for some reason challenged me to break through to him instead of scaring me off as he obviously intended.
"You don't know my interests!"
He didn't answer, just made some modifications on the synthesizer while sipping from his wine.
The mood had completely changed within seconds but the more weird he acted the less I felt myself insufficient compared to him.
I went to his front side and sat down on a speaker standing on the wall so I could watch his face.
"I can be a pain in the ass - you should tell me!" I stated.
"You wanna know?"
"That's why I asked."
He sighed and looked up, right into my eyes.
"I have an IQ of 176, I have a phonetic and photogenic memory and I hate it like hell!"
"No, you don't!" I answered promptly, holding his gaze
.
"What do you know about me?" he asked grumpy.
"Your phonetic memory is what enables you to play your music you love so much.
And you enjoy to have all this knowledge as well, I saw it in your eyes when you gave me that guitar introduction.
Still you don't know how to interact with 'normal' people on a longer term, because sometimes you just don't understand the way they're thinking."
Without a word he gazed at me for at least half a minute.
I just stared back.
"Isn't that bad enough for a man of my age?" he finally asked.
"It is how it is. Maybe you are different but that doesn't mean it has to be something negative.
Not all the time, though."
He began to roll the glass between his palms.
"Huh!" he said.
"See, I know, what I'm talking about!
You're not so different from me as you might think.
No, I'm not a brilliant mind, as you probably found out already - I'm just highly gifted in mathematics!"
I frowned.
"I am deeply connected with the analytic half of my brain which is pretty strange for a female.
I never found any joy in the stuff other girls were busy with nor ever felt like one of them.
And after high school I started to study informatics and guess what -
I found myself not fitting in this male dominated world, so I dropped the studies!
So here I am, being on this earth for a quarter of a century
and haven't found my place in it, yet!
If that isn't bad enough for a woman of my age!" I ended with a little smirk.
"So that is why..." he murmured quietly, raising his eyebrows.
When he saw my questioning gaze he explained:
"Why you felt somehow familiar to me, like you're a relative or something..."
Don't you dare to tell I could be your sister!!
I swallowed that thought and answered instead:
"You mean like this nerd flair surrounding us?!"
He laughed
"Something like that, yeah!"
Suddenly he was back to that relaxed, charming self I've gotten to know.
"Let's sit down in the garden!" he called, switched off the piano and rushed back to the hallway.
I followed him.
Outside he directly went to the hammock, laid down on it and gave me a wide grin, when I finally reached the veranda.
"Your bad. I was first!"
I laughed, relieved that he was back to joking and sat down on the stairs this time.
He crossed his hands behind his neck and gazed at the tree above him, that was bathed in some purple light caused by the setting darkness.
"I'm sorry for being so rude before!" he then said.
"It happened because I'm a freak, I told you! Sometimes I just can't control my temper!"
"Oh, don't worry! I'm no China doll, you know?" I answered calmly
.
"And now - go on, tell me some nerd stuff!"
"What topic?"
"Music! I wanna learn about that!"
So he told me.
This time and the following evening and the one after.
We just met at the fence and then we sat down somewhere and told each other about what ever came running through our minds.
Music, architecture, horses, bad teachers back at school...
Sometimes it was hard to follow him, because of that very efficient way he was giving information. But I was very eager to hear everything he had to tell.
I loved the way he got exited about certain facts, I loved how his gestures spoke volumes all the time and that adorable single curl bouncing back to his forehead every now and then.
I...let's just say I lived for those moments, there was nothing else to wait for the whole day anyway.
I got up not before noon, found myself something to eat, went for the mail and then googled about the things Finn told me the day before, just waiting for him to arrive.
On Saturday it was different.
I found my way out of bed at about ten, dealt with things like shower and breakfast and then ran up and down the house like a caged tiger.
When I came across the big mirror in the hall I stopped and took a look at myself.
"You act like a fourteen-year-old, you know!" I told my reflection.
Who cares, I never met someone like that man before!
And he was there - right next door and I wanted to be near him, damn it!
"So you should go, stupid - don't you think?"
I nodded to myself and left the house.
When I reached the fence I ran back and put on a dress. Something short. I felt like showing him that I was actually a woman.
The back door at the veranda was open, so he was at home and up already.
I fumbled my hair slide nervously and rubbed my lips a few times to make them blush a bit. This was the first time I bothered him without being invited...maybe he would not appreciate.
I took a deep breath and entered the living room.
"Hei there, morning!" I called up the hallway.
Morning! It was half past eleven already!
"Come in!" Finn called back from where I suggested the bathroom "I'll be right there!"
Irresolute I stood in the middle of the almost blank room.
On the couch there was a crumpled blanket thrown on as well as a squeezed pillow - obviously he slept here.
Indeed I couldn't remember if I saw a bed anywhere in the house.
Somehow he was driving this no-furniture-thing over the top!
While I was thinking he came in, barefoot, holding a coffee mug.
"How you're doing on this beautiful Saturday?" he asked happily.
"Weeeell... I'm bored!" I answered lame.
"I was planning on making myself some more furniture - you are allowed to assist!"
"Like a bed?" I asked, pointing at the messed up couch.
"Uhm...not this time!"
He grabbed pillow and blanket and stuffed it into the box inside the couch.
"I found myself a very comfortable wooden armchair that I would love to have in the garden, so I won't have to sit on the stairs no more when my hammock is not available!"
He gave me a little wink and took a sip from his coffee.
My heart skipped a beat.
A very pleasant start for today!
"Are you sure I could be any help at all?" I laughed referring to the last time I tried.
"I'm very positive we will find something that will not overstrain your skills!
But you should probably take on some old clothes...
Nice dress, by the way!" he added and let his gaze glide down my shape.
Mister! You're in a flirting mood today, aren't you?
Ok, complimenting could be my thing, too!
"Oh...thank you!" I was playing my innocent part.
"Nice stubble you have there!"
He hadn't shaved this morning and this dark hint of a beard made him look incredible rakish!
He rubbed his chin with a grin and took another sip of his coffee.
"Yeah, I know - I love being lazy with that!"
"Should I change immediately?"
"Relax!" he replied "Want some coffee first?"
I nodded and he went back to the kitchen to get me a mug as well.
"Here you are!" he said when he handed it to me.
"If you want some...oh- wait a minute!" he interrupted himself when a humming sounded from somewhere near.
He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and raised his eyebrows when he realized the caller on the display.
"Hey!" he spoke into the phone and turned his back on me.
I tried my coffee and found it too bitter so I left him with his phone call and went to the kitchen to get myself some milk.
When I returned to the hallway I could hear him talk animatedly.
The fact that he was speaking Swedish now let me guess he was talking to his wife.
I stopped- it seemed pretty rude to me to just walk into the room and listen to his conversation.
So I was walking up and down the hall, waiting for it to end.
Well, that didn't keep me from hearing anyway!
I was torn between my wish to respect his privacy and a burning curiosity.
My Swedish was not perfect but I got an idea of what they were talking... arguing about.
"Yeah, but this is about what has caused that she doesn't want to talk to me!" I heard him bursting out.
"...no, because you said I should not!"
Embarrassed I sneaked back to the kitchen - I could not stand spying on him! Not if it was a difficult dialogue like this one.
When after a few minutes they still were quarreling I decided to go back to my place until this was over.
When I passed Finn in the living room I tried to gesture him that I would go back and change.
He met my gaze for a second, nodded and raised his thumb while listening to the tirade coming out the phone.
I went back and found some old shorts and a t-shirt.
Then I waited in my own garden, not sure if he would give me a sign when it was ok for me to come back.
After half an hour had past without him showing up I went looking for him.
The glass door was closed. No hint of him inside either.
Obviously he was gone.
I felt a bit pissed that he hadn't informed me or at least left a note at the door, so I checked out the front of the house as well to make sure, he hadn't.
I couldn't tell if his car was gone for he always parked it inside the garage.
With a bad feeling in my stomach I laid down on the hammock in the garden and waited in case he would return soon.
Maybe he was just out for some food shopping or something like that!
... could have informed me anyway! was my grumpy opinion to that.
Two hours later I suddenly opened my eyes and recognized that I had fallen asleep.
Finn was still absent.
He didn't return that day, nor on Sunday.
It made me furious, sad and worried in a wild mixture.
Then, like nothing happened at all, on Monday evening he was back at the fence wearing his business suit and looking tired.
"Hei!" he said calmly "How you're doing?"
I tried to ignore him for about 3 seconds, which was already hard enough, then I put my book away, took a deep breath and frowned at him.
"Where have you been??
Don't you think you could have informed me? I thought we had an appointment, you know!"
"Oh, come on I'm sorry! This was..." he paused and looked down at his hands.
"Ok, you are right.
I am sorry!
I had some issues with my family and felt that I had to get into my car and drive to Göteborg to see my kids.
It took the whole weekend but I think it was the right thing to do!
I forgot about you to be honest!"
Ouch!
I had expected it to be something like that but nevertheless...I just wished I was more important to him.
His gaze was begging me for leniency but I could not let him get away with it just like that.
"I understand that this whole situation is hard for you but anyway- just a note on the door would had done it!"
"Yeah, I..." he murmured.
"Seems like I'm not used too much to that whole friendship concept anymore. Has been a while...
And I'm awkward with stuff like that anyway as you may have found out already!" he added sarcastically.
I didn't answer.
Not because I wished to punish him but I just didn't know how to react, still feeling hurt but stunned by his statement implying that we were actually friends.
He grabbed the single curl on his forehead and stuffed it back among the others, seeking for eye contact.
"You will have to sit on the stairs for that!" I mumbled grumpy "You still have no chair!"
"Fair enough!" he laughed obviously relieved with my reaction.
"Come!"
With arms wide open he invited me to follow him
"Do you want a glass of wine?"
"Seriously? Again? Why are you constantly trying to get me drunk?"
"Aaaah! Come on! Bad day, good wine - that's how it should be!
Back in my former life I had a cellar full of expensive wine.
And a bunch of those bottles is one of the few things I could not leave behind!
I don't need the luxury of a bed but this is something..." he added when we reached the house and he opened the door to get that object of his desire.
"What do you think about telling me about this bad day of yours?" I asked when he came out again.
"Naa, not worth the words!" he refused and sat down with his glass.
"No drink for you for sure? I feel bad drinking alone all the time!"
"Maybe you could take this for a reason to drink less..." I suggested carefully.
"I am able to decide how much...!" he raised his voice.
I pulled my legs up to my chest in the hammock like to protect myself from his sudden outburst.
When he recognized it he paused and cleared his throat.
"I don't get drunk, though, do I?" he asked sceptically.
"Sometimes... I murmured insecure
"So just one glass for me today!"
He gave me a wide happy grin and it looked to me as if he was trying to just smile this whole subject away.
And he succeeded. It was like he melted my brain every time he smiled at me.
So I simply swung in my hammock and enjoyed listening to his sonorous voice telling me stuff about moose he once read.
Still a weird feeling remains in my stomach why he was so protective about whatever was bothering him.
We went back to our daily routine.
A few days later the weather turned bad.
So we were sitting in his improvised studio instead and he played some guitar or piano tunes, showing me what music he loved the most, chatting about musicians or trying to teach me some guitar riffs.
From time to time he played some of the stuff he had written himself.
I have to admit I have no real clue of music and I probably had a major crush on him that clouded my judgement but it was really good!
"Have you ever played your songs in public or tried to introduce them to someone being more able to appreciate your skills than I can?" I asked after listening to a few of them.
He just shook his had, biting his lips.
"That's not why I made them...
I haven't played in public since I left university."
"But you should! This is really good!"
My words made him smile quietly to himself.
"Thank you. Maybe one day when I get a hold of my life again..."
His staggering dark eyes rested on me with a happy intensity that raised my heartbeat.
It was clear to see how much more comfortable he felt with everything when it comes to music. I felt a burning need to hug him tight but I didn't.
We kind of had not reached that point yet.
So that was what my life was all about these weeks - spending evenings with Finn in his garden or studio, blown away by his knowledge and his music.
On weekends we had fun making some more shabby chic creations...
Everything was just perfect!
I had lost my heart.
We somehow took care of each other.
I started to bring snacks, hoping it would keep him from drinking too much or at least make him also eat something.
Probably to please me he only had one glass a night.
In return he seemed to be happy to teach me everything I asked to learn.
One of those evenings he finally noticed the one thing that was wrong with my architects career.
My bad.
"Do you know what I was asking myself a few times before?
How come you are staying here at your brother's during summer semester? Don't you have classes?"
"Umm..." I hesitated.
"That's because I had to suspend for the second semester. My Ex left me around Christmas.
It was pretty much of a downer and I missed out too many classes to continue so now I will have to wait till September."
"Huh! You're telling me!...about breaking up being a downer, I mean!" he mumbled, stretched out his legs and laid back into that named armchair, watching the leaves above us.
I gazed at him relaxing there all quietly and suddenly felt uncomfortable.
I should not have done that.
Not again, not this one time!
"It's a lie!" I said following a sudden impulse.
"What exactly?" he asked without loosening his gaze from the tree.
"What I just told you!
I didn't quit my classes because of a break up.
Yeah, this guy left me, but he was an asshole and I didn't give a shit."
Wordless he sat up and looked at me with an attentive expression on his face.
"I missed classes because I cannot manage to get up early,
I always fail to finish my homework on time and I already lost two expensive books from the library in just one semester!" I continued breathlessly.
"It now happened for the second time and I had a long serious conversation with the head master of scholarship supervision telling me I'm going to lose my grant if I wouldn't change my attitude!
So that is what I am about.
And the thing I'm second best at after failing big time with being responsible
is lying my butt off to hide it!
And for some strange reason I felt like you should be the right person to change at least that!"
I was glad, he hadn't interrupted me so I could get it out in one go.
"Ok..." he said "I feel flattered!"
A small grin was playing on his lips.
"So what you're actually doing now?"
"Sitting my brother's house?"
"No, I mean what are you doing? Like preparing yourself for September."
"Waiting for new things to come, I guess..."
My ears were burning. It probably was a stupid idea to open up so much.
I felt so ashamed reading into his words how he must see me now.
"You could think of something useful to do to not waste six month of your precious lifetime, you know!" he replied.
"Yeah Dad, thank you!" I laughed to hide my embarrassment.
"There are not many things I can do, though!"
"Did you ever thought of passing an internship at any company related to your profession?
We often have interns at our office.
I could give you a phone number so you can ask for a chance!
Shouldn't be a problem if you don't expect to get paid.
And your reputation would greatly benefit from it, don't you think?"
God...was he serious about that?!
"Are you serious about that?!
You invite me to work at your office??
But you heard what I said about my reliability?"
My heart knocked hard against my chest.
"Why not?" he answered lightly
"I bet you would do great. You are smart and you have an eye for details.
And I know just too well sometimes it just takes something to catch your interest to change everything!
...Let's say you are improved by me!"
That would be like a dream for me!
My chance to see him regularly after my family would have been returned next week,
even witness his brilliant mind working.
...And he was so right about my studies!
"Can I quote this when I call your office?"
"Aah...better that you don't!" he fended of.
"So you wanna have the number?"
He took his wallet out his pocket and handed out a business card to me.
I kept it like a little treasure in my hands, smiling at him like an idiot.
"I will call tomorrow!" I promised.
"Thank you so, so much for your trust in me!"
"You're on your own at this!
I am only doing the kick-off!
But I'm looking forward to have a coffee with you during lunch break."
"I could consider to start drinking coffee regularly just for you!" I giggled
"So come on, tell me some details!
How is it to work at an established office like yours?
How are your colleagues?"
"Not tonight!" he refused. "I'm too tired right now.
I see you tomorrow and you can report me how your application went.
Would you do that?"
He gave me an uncommitted smile and stood up.
"Of course I will!
I never meant to be annoying with my questions! Have a good night!" I said hastily.
"No! You ain't!" he smiled
"Good night, Vanny!"
He went into his empty house and I returned to mine.
The thought of tomorrow and what I had just promised was scaring me out But I already knew I would do it!
I would do anything to be with him!