Chapter Text
Daryl thought he had learnt enough already, learnt so damn much from his past, the bloody beatings of the belt, the fist, a whiskey bottle or anything that the asshole could reach.
But he hadn't. Or he failed to learn. Again.
That fact was awfully obvious when he saw Rick standing on the street in the stillness of the morning light, his hands on his hips; his face was as stern as when he had declared 'this isn't a democracy anymore.' When he found that look on Rick's face, Daryl realized his fiasco. And he knew it could be fatal.
"Where were you?" There was a certain accusation in his voice and eyes as Rick looked at him, frown deep and furious. Immediately Daryl stopped in his tracks, facing the constable with his jaw set and eyes narrowed. He regretted for not having his crossbow that would have given him something to grip or distract himself from the knot in his stomach tightening. The absence of his security blanket made him tuck his hands under his armpits defensively.
"Aaron's garage." Daryl responded curtly, his tone gruff. It had been a while since he had started feeling uneasy or self-conscious or disorientated in front of their leader, like a school girl having a crush on a teacher. He didn't know when it had started; the thing that was clear to him was that Rick was the only one who made him get butterflies in his stomach.
Those feelings had been the last thing he wanted to ponder but he had had to admit the unmistakable pain in his chest when he had seen Rick leaning in toward Jessie as if to kiss her, the uncontrollable desire to touch him and be touched by him in the way he would her undeniable. That had been the time when he had decided to bury his feelings deep down inside where nobody would ever find them and make a fresh start. Since then, he had been spending an inordinate amount of time at Aaron's garage or outside as his partner recruiter. This place, Alexandria, made him feel not just unwelcome and lost, but also distant from Rick who now was a clean-cut, normal, ethical lawman in the town, and the interaction with Aaron and Eric distracted him from his insecure feelings, helping him concentrate on what needed to be done for a new life, his new life.
He didn't want to talk about those things, especially with Rick. But he wouldn't leave him alone of course and Daryl didn't have luck on his side as always. Rick was still about 30 feet away, nonetheless Daryl could distinctly feel the irritation radiating off of him as he took a menacing step toward him. "Why didn't you come back to our house last night?"
"Since when did you become my mom?" It sounded harsher than he intended and Daryl couldn't help averting his eyes, hiding away behind his long bangs. He had been petulant and touchy under Rick's gaze and he himself had no idea what he was doing, or what he wanted to do. It was not like Daryl thought it was the other's fault, but Rick had got under his skin in the best and worst way, was all.
Suddenly the sound of footsteps coming towards him snapped Daryl out of his thoughts. Rick's face was right there, contorted with fury and frustration, making Daryl flinch and catch his breath as he unfolded his arms to take a self-defensive stance instinctively.
"Are you leaving me now?" His desperate voice was enough for Daryl to realize that his anger had come from a feeling of being betrayed. He could hear his unspoken words that were quite clear in his eyes. Are you leaving me now, like Lori, and Shane did?
It pained Daryl to see Rick suffering like this. Shocked and bemused, he stared back at him, about to tell him absolutely no but Rick didn't have patience to wait for his answer and closed the distance between them until his blazing eyes were inches away from Daryl's.
"Where does your loyalty lie now?" His voice was contained but there was a distinct authority lurking in his words, and Daryl hated how easily it could grip his heart and make him freeze on the spot. It was like the time when he had tried to convince Rick and look for his brother in Woodbury but been disallowed soundly. His heart started racing wildly for a reason that was different from before. Clenching his hands into fists at his sides, he had to fight back the urge to look away from the other's eyes. "Rick, I justー,"
Before arranging his thoughts, out of the corner of his eye Daryl saw a guy, who was one of the Alexandria residents, walking down the street in the direction of where they were. Rick noticed, too, at about the same time, and didn't hesitate to grab Daryl's arm, pulling him forcedly towards the warehouse which was only several feet away.
It was quite natural that Daryl resisted the unwelcome touch and force at first, but he understood Rick's intention to avoid prying eyes and questions of the townsfolk so he reluctantly went along with him, letting him drag him into the warehouse.
As soon as going inside, Daryl shook off the tenacious grip and looked daggers at Rick who roughly closed the door behind him. The inside was dimly lit, beams of the morning sun streaking in through the windows, a nondescript place where some gardening tools and stuff were stored. Suddenly Daryl felt like he was trapped in this unfamiliar space; he felt his chest tightening as a slight panic set in, starting to suffocate him.
He needed to compose himself, he needed to breathe. Pacing around the small space like a caged animal, Daryl involuntarily chewed at his thumb nail in an attempt to tear his own attention away from the pounding heart and an overwhelming feeling of unease until Rick, who was standing with his back against the door as if to block the only exit, spoke up in a commanding tone. "Prove it."
"What?" Daryl's head snapped up, narrow eyes fixed on Rick. The man's face was totally unreadable as the sunlight backlit him, his features shrouded in shadows eerily; it was like Daryl was facing someone he didn't know at all.
"Prove where your loyalty lies." The way his voice raised in anger sent chills down Daryl's spine, his whole body going rigid with the effort not to cringe. He didn't know whether it was good or bad that he couldn't make out what expression Rick was wearing. Refusing to show vulnerability, Daryl glared at the man as he lowered his hands to his sides, fists tight, alert for every move the other made.
"How? All I can do is hunt an' fight. No idea what to do if that ain't enough." It was the mere fact that he had accepted from a very early age. There was no doubt he would do whatever was necessary to protect his people, his family, but there was little that he could do, he knew that. Feeling like a useless kid again Daryl couldn't stop his hand from moving up to gnaw at his thumb until all of a sudden Rick stepped into his space, irritated and adamant enough to make Daryl take a step back.
"You don't need to prove it to them. It's me you should." Now Rick's face was clearly seen, his eyes wide and bright, pinning Daryl to his spot as he invaded his space further and offered no compromise, no room to break loose. It was quite hard for Daryl to hold his fierce gaze and keep from flinching away, his heart thumping loud and fast, his palms sweaty. He swallowed audibly before managing to snap at the other's face even though his voice was sounding strained and insecure. "Ya tellin' me I should gut myself, scoop my damn heart out and dedicate it to ya?"
It drew a laugh from Rick for a reason Daryl didn't ever know; Rick was laughing, the corners of his mouth twitching up but his eyes cold as ice, telling a different story. It was more terrifying than seeing him erupt in anger and Daryl almost wished he had just yelled at and rebuked him.
"No, Daryl. No… you're smarter than that, I know you're." His tone took on a softer note as he shook his head slightly, lowering his gaze. "Things between me and Jessieー," he started after a few silent moments, and Daryl didn't know which made him tense up, the name Rick had just mentioned or the hand grabbing his shoulder abruptly. But the most puzzling thing was why he had to bring that up now. Despite a pang in his chest Daryl remained still with his eyes locked on the man, who sighed heavily then continued, "are complicated. Surely we have a thing for each other but it doesn't change the fact that she's married."
"The hell ya talkin' 'boutー," Daryl bit his head off, not wanting to hear any of it anymore as he tried to shake off the hand on his shoulder. But Rick held him in a steely grip; he tightened his grip and let the other hand trail up his neck, which effectively took away Daryl's ability to argue. The cobalt blues of Rick's eyes were looking straight into his, intense and deep with emotions, his breath ghosting over his lips. Daryl couldn't move, couldn't look away or do anything other than stare back, hold his breath, and blush rapidly. His brain and heart were about to burst because of this proximity, this intense and intimate moment.
Rick tilted his head a bit like an innocent dog, though his voice was full of dominance. "You can do better than she would. Show me your loyalty, Daryl."
Rick's hands on Daryl's skin were soft and tight at the same time, his piercing gaze making him feel exposed, wanted.
Daryl was completely trapped in those hands and eyes.