Chapter Text
“So you wanted to be Xie Lian’s friend, huh,” Feng Xin said all of a sudden.
Mu Qing froze for a good second before turning his head towards the voice.
“Why did you bring it up?” he asked in a passive-aggressive tone.
“Just… just thinking,” Feng Xin answered tentatively and rubbed the back of his neck. He blatantly lied, pretending it was something that just randomly came to his mind. He didn’t even know if he wanted it – if he wanted to change the way they are now, but something has been etching his insides the moment he heard Mu Qing’s confession that day.
“You really shouldn’t. It’s not something you are good at,” Mu Qing scoffed, and his shoulders tensed as he turned around.
Feng Xin suppressed the desire to yell at him and instead let out a shaky breath.
"Well," Feng Xin said after a while. They were standing in the garden, Feng Xin leaning against the aperture of a door, Mu Qing sitting on one of the steps that lead out of the courtyard. "I don't want to make things more awkward than they already are," Feng Xin muttered, looking down with a frown. He was not the one to avoid a subject that ought to be brought up, and he hated this feeling. He really didn’t want to fuck it all up. Mu Qing didn’t make it easier for him with that look on his face, as if he’d just eaten a bunch of lemons.
“Get to the point,” Mu Qing said firmly with impatience in his voice. His knitted eyebrows and pursed lips indicated how much he wanted to run off from this talk, but he tried to appear calm.
“It’s just… ahhh FUCK IT! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD!” Feng Xin finally yelled while standing up and hit a stone railing under his hand so hard it cracked.
“The meeting is about to start. I’m not willing to listen to your garbage talk. Learn how to put thoughts into words before talking to me,” Mu Qing flipped his ponytail back in a swift motion and left.
Feng Xin listened to the sound of his loud footsteps – too loud for a person who was standing there pretending to be unbothered – and didn’t raise his head until it was silent in the garden. What the fuck. He was going to ask him straight away but at the last moment decided to be considerate and make the talk easier for both of them by using less harsh words. And what did he get? A fucking kick in the teeth! Feng Xin snorted loudly and started walking towards the exit. He’s not in a hurry, after all. He’ll deal with Mu Qing and his bullshit later.
“MU QING!”
A loud call made other deputies step aside and give way to Feng Xin, who was standing in the middle of a crowd with an angry expression. He wasn’t angry, he was just back to his usual state and was doing his favorite activity – annoy the hell out of him, Mu Qing thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“We need to talk. I’ll wait for you outside,” Feng Xin said and turned around, not even waiting for a proper reply.
Mu Qing huffed and continued to talk to the deputies, not giving Feng Xin a single glare.
Feng Xin has been waiting for him for half an hour before dashing to the hall again in order to grab Mu Qing outside by the collar. But Mu Qing wasn’t there.
Someone touched his shoulder while Feng Xin was twisting his head in search of that brat. Pei Ming smiled at him.
“If you’re looking for General Xuan Zhen, he left about 20 minutes ago,” Pei Ming said.
“Fucker, I told him we need to talk!” Feng Xin roared and clenched his fists.
“Uh, I guess that’s why he left through the back exit,” Pei Ming said with a laugh. “Just please, don’t ruin the pavement with your fights again, it’s hasn’t been a month since it was renewed. But actually, I’m quite impressed that you haven’t fought for a while already, despite seeing each other pretty often.”
“Yeah, I’m surprised too. Some of our past grudges faded away,” Feng Xin said and nodded, prepared to leave, but Pei Ming gripped his shoulder once again.
“Oh, I see,” Pei Ming said with a knowing tone. “That’s great. It means I can offer you to accompany me without worrying about my ears bleeding from your bickering! It got kind of boring after what happened with my previous company.”
“I see that,” Feng Xin stated straightforwardly. “I think I’ll also need your company while dealing with one… problem.”
“Oho, a problem?”
“Yes, a major one. Like, fucking big personal problem.”
“I think I get what you mean,” Pei Ming laughed. “This would be interesting.”
Mu Qing wasn’t outside. He wasn’t in the Heavenly Capital either. Damn, he didn’t even come back to his own palace! After a week of not being able to catch a glimpse of Mu Qing’s presence Feng Xin became sure that Mu Qing purposely avoided him. But it couldn’t last forever, not for them, so Feng Xin dropped his attempts and got back to his business. Heaven was still a mess after the Emperor’s fall and Feng Xin had to work more than ever.
The next day Feng Xin nearly crashed into Mu Qing who was coming out of the corner.
“Are you fucking blind or-“ Feng Xin started, rubbing his nose, and let out a quick “oi” drop his lips the moment he recognized the face in front of him.
“Finally. I still demand we should talk,” he said instead of greeting, his eyes scanning Mu Qing’s figure with an ignorant look.
Mu Qing, however, frowned and tried to get past Feng Xin.
“Where the fuck do you think you are going?” Feng Xin asked as he grabbed the other by the wrist.
“To a place where no one will get on my nerves,” Mu Qing snapped, pushing Feng Xin off him. “I don’t have neither time nor will to talk to you, thought you already understood that.”
Feng Xin snorted and looked down at Mu Qing who had turned away from him.
“No. You don’t get it.”
Mu Qing raised a brow at him.
“Get what exactly?” The latter sighed heavily.
“I’m not going to make fun of you. I want to sort things out. Better late than never,” Feng Xin tried to calm his voice and not sound too aggressive so Mu Qing wouldn’t chicken out.
Mu Qing stared at him with an unreadable expression.
“Really,” he said, and a poison in his tone indicated he was going to spit something harsh at Feng Xin.
“It’s not about making fun of you!” Feng Xin yelled in a hurry, before Mu Qing could open his mouth once again. “It’s about having a conversation about our feelings without being awkward about it all the time, which is something neither of us do well!”
For a moment Mu Qing’s eyes flashed with an unfamiliar emotion, but it faded away quickly as he frowned.
“Did Xie Lian ask you to do that?” Mu Qing finally said after a pause.
“No! Leave him out of this! I’m doing it of my own… free will,” he said, not being able to hide his twisted expression as he pronounced last words.
“I see,” Mu Qing said, totally not convinced.
Feng Xin lied once again. It was so hard to be sincere with this prick when he wanted him to cooperate. Xie Lian didn’t ask Feng Xin to talk to Mu Qing, but he was indeed the reason why Feng Xin took an initiative to deal with Mu Qing once and for all.
The last time Feng Xin and Mu Qing were at Puqi Shrine, they had a fight so big they threw a table with Xie Lian’s food along with everything that came to hand. Even though Xie Lian didn’t show any anger, Feng Xin saw a pained expression on his face when he helped to clean the mess. It could be interpreted in many ways: he was upset his food was destroyed, tired of dealing with their temper, or just had a bad day.
But later he looked back at Mu Qing who was heading out with the same expression, and said quietly, “I still wish you two could get along. It has been such a long time, I really don’t understand why you can’t just sit and-“ He sighed and smiled awkwardly, waving hands in front of him. “Sorry, sorry, I got carried away. Sang Lang is gonna come soon, I’ll go make some tea.” Feng Xin pretended it was nothing and took his leave before that eccentric red clad made his appearance. But in his heart he decided he didn’t want to see Xie Lian with that look ever again after all they went through. Even though Feng Xin and Mu Qing didn’t consider each other friends, they were Xie Lian’s friends and their destinies were linked to each other. So why not give it a try?
The moment he met Mu Qing the next day he understood it’d be an incredibly hard task. It wasn’t even easy to imagine, let alone make this work out. Mu Qing’s face and voice were sometimes too much for Feng Xin to handle, and his attitude and words made it almost impossible to stand his presence.
“Okay,” Mu Qing put a hand on his waist and rolled his eyes, as if doing a huge favour. “Let’s go talk at my Palace so you can finally get off me.”
After they arrived, Feng Xin leaned against a wall, too agitated to properly sit, but kept silent. His eyes traveled over the fine furniture and rested on a big low table in the middle of the room, with a beautiful porcelain teapot and cups filled with already cold tea. If Mu Qing decided to spill it on him in the heat of an argument, at least it wouldn’t burn his skin. Mu Qing folded his arms defensively and stood in the opposite corner of the room.
"Do you think I can read your mind or something?" Mu Qing asked idly, but quietly. He wanted to be anywhere, literally in any corner of the world rather than standing here and trying to make a conversation with Feng Xin, knowing too well it would end up as usual – with fists, curses and broken furniture. Or bones, if Feng Xin really wanted to bring up the theme of his and Xie Lian's friendship out of blue.
"I'm glad you can't," Feng Xin snorted. "But listen. You really wanted to be friends with Xie Lian from the start, right?"
“Yes," Mu Qing carefully admitted. It was useless to deny it, since Feng Xin heard it with his own ears. He could've just shut him out on the spot, but part of him wanted to know what line would leave Feng Xin's mouth next, because Feng Xin teased him about that only one time before but never brought it up again.
"Hm. And… But did you want to be friends with me too?" Feng Xin asked.
Mu Qing opened his mouth, then closed it. The two of them stayed quiet as they listened to each other's breathing. Feng Xin couldn’t see what Mu Qing was doing, his hair hiding his expression and he didn't dare moving or speaking until he heard Mu Qing sigh loudly.
"You're so annoying." Mu Qing sat back in one of his new armchairs and looked at the floor. Pretending he was fine. Pretending his hands weren’t shaking from anger and something more.
"Is it a "no"?" Feng Xin decided to clarify.
"No. I mean yes. I didn't want to be friends with you. You were a piece of shit that waited for any opportunity to insult me. You still are, honestly."
"That's a lie and you know it!"
“I mean it," Mu Qing glared at Feng Xin. "I have zero desire to talk about it. It's all in the past."
Mu Qing was glad his voice didn’t betray him. It didn’t sound weak or too irritated. Hundreds of years of dealing with Feng Xin had its perks: he could handle situations where he wanted to scream and shout with almost a straight face. Like now.
"If it's in the past," Feng Xin said. "Do you want to be friends with me now?"
Mu Qing went silent for a few moments. He slowly turned his face to look at Feng Xin – to see if he really was here and it wasn’t some kind of hallucination, because it sure sounded like a fever dream.
He had dreams like that. In the very beginning. When he fell asleep after talking to Dianxia for the first time his mind showed him pictures of all three of them as best friends. Laughing, smiling. Happy. He stopped seeing them in a week and never had them again. Realized he was no match to them.
He shook his head firmly.
“Not a chance. Let's stop talking about it. Please." The last word came out so embarrassingly pathetic and small that Mu Qing bit his lip and sharply exhaled, annoyed at himself.
Feng Xin stood up swiftly and squatted in front of Mu Qing, drawing his head up to meet Mu Qing’s eyes. His face was, to Mu Qing’s surprise, calm and even… soft? He wasn’t even frowning.
"No. I'm tired of this shit. Mu Qing, I've changed my opinion about you. I've noticed I've been harsh on you out of habit now and we've been arguing over stupid things just for the sake of it. I no longer see you as someone untrustworthy. I want you to do the same for me."
The words flew surprisingly easy. Maybe because Feng Xin gathered each thought carefully and pondered over them in his free time, so it wasn’t that awkward to spell it out loud when he already got used to them. However, whether Feng Xin would lose his patience or not depended entirely on Mu Qing.
"Why should I do anything for you?" Mu Qing asked harshly in spite of himself. He didn’t know how to react, so he replied like he used to when dealing with Feng Xin.
Feng Xin narrowed his eyes. Mu Qing right now was still something new to him – and he wanted to dig deeper to have a better look because now he knew that Mu Qing had feelings, real human feelings behind that cocky mask he always wore to protect himself from everything.
"You can't hate me forever. I'm willing to make peace with you dammit! But if you want nothing to do with me for the rest of your life then I… accept that,” Feng Xin slowly said, still looking Mu Qing straight in the eyes, as if it would help him to get a genuine answer. Judging by Mu Qing’s expression, he liked the idea of not meeting Feng Xin ever again.
“I hope you will choose wisely, I’m not always that generous and that patient,” Feng Xin said, chuckling and standing up, and put his hand on Mu Qing’s to ease the tension. He heroically stood the murderous look that followed this little gesture, keeping the desire to say a few harsh comments on how prude he was as equally hard as Mu Qing tried not to push his hand away with an insult. “When you’ll be ready to give a proper answer, let me know. Farewell, general Xuan Zhen.”
Two weeks later, in the middle of another meeting at a conference hall, Feng Xin noticed Mu Qing peeking at him several times before turning his head in the opposite direction. Did he think he was a good spy? Embarrassing. But Feng Xin felt somehow relieved, having realized that Mu Qing was ready for conversation. After exposing these secret looks Feng Xin, on the other hand, took any opportunity to look Mu Qing dead in the eyes till the swordsman had to avert his gaze with the most annoyed expression he was able to give.
They looked like a pair of quarrelled toddlers waiting for each other to come and make peace – even though Feng Xin knew it’d be him approaching, because it would take Mu Qing a year to make a move. Mu Qing was probably asking himself “do I really need this”, so Feng Xin had to take a first step before Mu Qing gave up on their possible friendship just like that.
After everyone received words of thanks for their hard work on restoring Heavenly Capital along with other lines, the meeting was over, and Feng Xin came straight to Mu Qing. His eyes didn’t leave Mu Qing’s figure for the last 5 minutes so as not to lose him in the crowd.
"So? Were you peeking at me because you are ready to talk or because you imagined me being stabbed to death?" Feng Xin asked and put his hands behind his back.
“Both,” Mu Qing replied boldly. Feng Xin frowned.
“So you refuse to…”
“No.”
The corners of Feng Xin’s lips slowly raised, and he tried to hide a smile, turning his head down.
Mu Qing didn’t share his joy at all. With clenched fists, he yelled, “What’s so funny?”
“I’m not laughing, you oaf!” Feng Xin said, “I’m just… glad. That’s all.”
Mu Qing looked away immediately, looking both embarrassed and furious.
“That was not as bad as I imagined it’d be.”
“Oh, were you dreaming about this?”
“Oh shut the fuck up- I mean and what about it? I really didn’t know what to expect! You and this shitty attitude of yours-“
“That’s not how friends should be talking to each other.”
“I-” Feng Xin started but closed his mouth almost immediately. If they really were friends now, he should be careful not to talk to him like he used to. Mu Qing, as he realized not long ago, was a very sensitive person.
Instead of bursting into rage, he cleared his throat with a cough and gathered himself up to full height.
“Let’s go eat together, my new friend Mu Qing. At Xie Lian’s,” he suggested. New fucking friend, whom he knew for 800 years.
“I’m buying the food,” Mu Qing chuckled.
“Deal,” Feng Xin said slowly and fixed his gaze on Mu Qing’s face.
“What,” Mu Qing asked in a few moments, cocking an eyebrow.
“No it’s just… You can actually move your lips like that. I’m impressed.”
“I just smiled you dickhead-“
“That’s not how friends should be talking-“ Feng Xin imitated Mu Qing’s voice as he passed by towards the exit.
“If you keep being like that our friendship won’t last an hour.”
“Watch yourself first! It’s you who called me a dickhead!”
“How about an asshole? It’s your favorite word.”
“DON’T YOU TRY MY PATIENCE! It’s my favorite word for you only!”