Chapter Text
Growing up, Yeosang always had difficulties making friends, being introverted and rather quiet when not totally comfortable seemed to be a big turn off for most students at his schools but Yeosang was used to it. He was rather surprised when he finally became close to someone, Wooyoung had been one of his first actual friend. A friend that didn't get annoyed by his lack of answers or the fact that he didn't always want to go out.
Yeosang treasures his friendship with Wooyoung. He's thankful for him and knows they'll always be by each other's side.
This fact didn't change even after meeting the other members.
Wooyoung and San got closer over the years, Yeosang doesn't feel left out, he got close to the other members as well and he knows that Wooyoung will always be there for him. When he started distancing himself from the two, he gets why the members thought he was jealous of Woosan being so close that they sometimes forget about him, they do but it's not why he's limiting his contact with the two.
At first he too thought that he was jealous of San for stealing his friend. It made sense, everytime he saw the two together cuddling, playing around, laughing or even kissing, anger and hurt would fill up his chest, tears of frustration would swell in his eyes and he had to leave the room to calm himself down.
He would get mad at the sight, then at himself for feeling that way but he was also confused as to why was he getting angry at the two being close. Wooyoung was still there for him, always around him and giving him as much attention so why would it irk him so bad that Wooyoung was close to San.
Untill one day it dawned on him.
He wants to be in Wooyoung's place.
He likes San more than he should, he wants him, really bad, but San never reciprocated any of his awkward attempts at flirting, never looked intrested in him other than for a friendship or as a colleague, San doesn't like him back and he needs to move on, and to do so he needs space, he can't be near the man all the time or he'll never get over how beautiful he looks, he needs to step away or the urge to kiss him when he playfully pouts will never leave.
He also decided to avoid Wooyoung because the man knows him more than he knows himself, he can read him like an open book, he doesn't want Wooyoung to figure out he has a crush on his new best friend so he can laugh at him.
Or worse tell San about his crush and put the other in an uncomfortable situation. He replays the image in his head a million times, he imagined what it would be like to confess his feelings, he imagined what it would be like to get rejected, he doesn't think he'd survive that. That's why he knows it's better to try and move on before he makes everything awkward and painful.
~~
He can feel the stares he gets everytime he chooses a spot on the couch that is not close to his best friend, when he spends their days off either out with his other friends or locked in his room to avoid talking to anyone. The weird looks he gets when he refuses to play with the rest of 99 line. The hurt looks he gets from his best friend when he turns him down on a movie night or a best friend date for the nth time.
It hurts him just as much but he can't bring himself to let his guard down and laugh with San or he'll fall deeper into the mess he created.
He knows the others have been catching up on what he's doing but Yeosang can only hope nobody will ask him about it.
"You're avoiding Wooyoung." Seonghwa asks him one day. Just his luck, the oldest cornering him in the kitchen after he refused once again an offer to hang out with Wooyoung, and by extension San. It's crazy how his members notice how he's avoiding Wooyoung but no one mentions San when he's the actual reason.
"Just cause I said I didn't want to go get drunk with him doesn't mean I'm avoiding him." He plays dumb, he knows he looks defensive but he wasn't going to spill his whole heart on a thursday afternoon in their kitchen. He wasn't going to say that he's absolutely terrified of being drunk close to San in case he does something stupid and ruin everything they've built in the group.
"It's not the first time. You haven't properly talked to him in months." Seonghwa has that concerned tone in his voice when he knows something is wrong but also doesn't want to push.
"I'll take him out to coffee tomorrow if you want." He shrugs and leaves before Seonghwa can add anything. He's going to prove to them that nothing is wrong between them so they can get off his back and he can go back to suffer in silence.
That's how he finds himself the next morning in a coffee shop, sitting in front of a very hungover Wooyoung. Yeah maybe he should've waited another day and let him rest.
He wasn't going to lie he missed being with Wooyoung alone, they lived and roomed together but it's different. He misses his friend. But he can't let himself be weak he has too much to lose, he mentally slaps himself.
"Do you want to go back home and rest? You don't look too well." He asks secretly hoping he'll say yes for this torture to be over. Looking at his friend he feels bad for keeping something from him, he always tells Wooyoung everything, he knows about his first kiss, about the crush he had on this one bighit trainee that left the company not long before he did, about how he used to be insecure about his birthmark. He tells Wooyoung everything and it kills him not to be able to tell him what's been torturing him for about a year.
"No! I'm okay, i really want to stay here with you." Wooyoung says breaking Yeosang's heart, he really fucked up. The younger's never been this desperate for his time, he always just got it, when they met he just plopped beside him and since then they were inseparable.
"So how's it going?" That was terribly unnatural Yeosang, way to go if you wanted to make him believe everything is normal.
"I missed you." He started, things were awkward between them, they had never been awkward together. "Did I do something to upset you? If I did I'm sorry I didn't mean to." Wooyoung looks so small, Yeosang feels bad. He tried to protect himself but all he did was hurt his friend.
"You didn't do anything. I just didn't feel like going out these days, I'm sorry if it looked like I was mad at you." He tries to save himself but he knows Wooyoung won't let him live without an actual explanation.
"it's been longer than just these days Yeosang and it's not just going out, you barely even talk to me in the dorms. The only time it seems that we're still friends is when there's cameras around." Wooyoung whines but he knows he's angry and hurt, he always hides it behind a childish appearance but Wooyoung means what he's saying.
"I'll do better, I'm sorry I hurt you." He apologizes but doesn't give an explanation and Wooyoung seems to be frustrated by it.
"Are you not going to tell me what's wrong?" He asks harshly making Yeosang flinch.
He doesn't answer just looks down at his cup of now cold coffee. He still doesn't look up when he hears Wooyoung huff and leave him there. He deserves it.
~~
Now it's Wooyoung's turn to act like he doesn't exist, he doesn't fight it. He's honestly tired of living like that but he can't do anything, if he tells him why he's been acting weird he'll never hear the end of it, he'll force him to confess, San will reject him and it'll be awkward for everyone, he'll have to leave the group and try to find a new career path only to end up homeless and surrounded by cats. He knows it's a bit dramatic but he's freaking out, the situation got out of control and now he's losing his best friend, just thinking about it can make tears fill up his eyes.
He's alone in his room, scrolling on his phone not really paying attention when he hears the door open quietly. He looks up and freezes when he sees who just entered the room. Why was San in his room? Wooyoung and Jongho are out he doesn't have any reason to be here.
"Can i talk to you?" San asks shyly. Yeosang sits up on his bed and nods nervously.
"What's up?" He's awkward and he hates it, his heart beating like crazy at the fact that all of San's attention is on him. They used to be close friends but Yeosang had to catch feelings and make everything turn to shit.
He can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears as San approaches him and sits down beside him. He's so close he can feel the heat of his shoulder against his own. That's bad, he knows he's blushing, that's exactly why he needs to get over it fast he can't even have a normal conversation with him without turning into a tween girl that finally got the opportunity to talk to her crush.
"Are you and Wooyoung fighting because of me?" He asks in a pout and Yeosang's head flips so hard he heard his neck pop. The confusion must've shown on his face because San continues. "I say that because you guys used to be best friends but then we got close and you started to not want to hang out with us or him. I was wondering if it was because of me. I know you don't particularly like me, i can back off if you want, he was your friend first." San says sweetly making Yeosang's heart squeeze so hard it hurts.
"It's not your fault Sannie." Lie. "I've just had a lot on my mind that I'm not ready to share with Wooyoungie and you know how he is. I really don't dislike you, you don't have to worry, everything's gonna go back to normal soon."
The fact that San thought Yeosang dislikes him left a sour taste in Yeosang's mouth, on one part he knows that if the younger believes he doesn't like him he sure as hell won't suspect the truth but on the other hand he feels bad that in his efforts to get over him, he made it seem like he disliked him.
This is getting too much for Yeosang.
Three months later Wooyoung still doesn't talk to him and Seonghwa looks like he's close to having an aneurysm. Even Hongjoong noticed the tension even though he's almost never home. Their only interactions are in front of cameras or in the practice room when Yeosang makes a mistake and Wooyoung reprimands him harsher than necessary.
The cold shoulder is honestly harder to live than he thought. He sometimes catches Wooyoung staring at him pensively as if to understand what's wrong with him but not finding anything. Yeosang had mastered his poker face the moment he realised he caught feelings and he seemed to be needing it more and more often.
The argument between them only seemed to make San and Wooyoung closer. San still looks guilty even after being reassured it's not his fault, the man's heart is too big for his own good, another reason why he couldn't say anything. What if San started to feel bad for him if he confessed and changed his behavior towards him, yeosang doesn't think he'll survive it.
Sometimes the problem between the two would get in the way of work and daily life activities like showering order or laundry not being put away fast enough, Yeosang hates creating problems, he's a calm person that doesn't like confrontation and now he's in the middle of a silent fight he doesn't know how to resolve and it's honestly starting to take a toll on him.
Work is stressful, seeing Wooyoung scrutinizing him gives him anxiety, San looking like a kicked puppy makes him mad at himself, the whole vibe of the dorm is tense and uncomfortable. It's too much for Yeosang.
He quietly knocks on Seonghwa's bedroom door and walks silently over to where the oldest is sitting on his bed. Without a word he sits on the older's lap straddling him and hugs him tight, he can feel that Seonghwa is taken aback but quickly hugs back. Feeling his hand running in circle on his back he can't stop the tears he's been holding for months now from spilling over the others shirt, he shakes as sobs take over him. He's tired of feeling trapped in a situation he doesn't know how to resolve, he's scared, he needs someone and he's glad to still have someone after pushing away the one that used to help him when he was hopeless.
He sobs so hard his whole body is shaking, he can't help the hiccups that leave his mouth when he tries to inhale. Tears soaking his hyung's shirt he grips his back harder scared of being left alone again.
"Hyung there's-" the three freeze, that was Wooyoung's voice, of course it was him. The universe couldn't have made anybody else barge in the room while he was sobbing his heart out.
"Wooyoung." Seonghwa's voice is stern, a clear warning for the other to leave.
"Is he okay?" He asks dumbly making Yeosang roll his eyes face still buried in the older's neck, he doesn't dare to move, it was bad enough he found them he wasn't going to show himself.
"What's it look like? Get out!" He orders, this time thankfully Wooyoung follows. His crying thankfully stopped the moment the door opened so when he hears the door close he peels himself off Seonghwa and sits back on the bed, knees against his chest to make himself as small as possible.
"I'm sorry." He whispers voice shaky and rough from all the sobbing. He feels miserable, he hates himself so much why couldn't he just suck it up and not involve basically everyone in the group in his mess.
"Hey don't ever apologize for needing comfort. I'm glad you came to me." He gently moves Yeosang's hair from his face and he feels like crying all over again.
"I want to tell you." He starts, Seonghwa nod patiently still running a gentle hand through his hair, it does soothe him enough to continue. "I've been avoiding Wooyoung on purpose. I was scared." He looks down.
"Scared of what? Of him?" Seonghwa carefully asks going to the worst case scenario immediately. Such a mom.
"No, I was scared he'll know I'm jealous." He plays with the rips of his black jeans not ready to look up at Seonghwa yet.
"Of Wooyoung and San?" Yeosang nod once. " You like Wooyoung?" He shakes his head, it makes sense for him to think that but he was really starting to get annoyed, why does nobody ever thinks he could have a crush in San, was he not good enough? Not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not a good enough dancer? He knows he doesn't deserve San but it still hurt to think about it. "San." Seonghwa finally says. He nods once admitting it for the first to someone else.
"I'm trying to move on, that's why I've been avoiding him and Wooyoung knows me too well he'd know so i pushed him away too. But then he got mad and I lost my friend over a stupid crush." Silent tears start rolling down his face once again but he's calmer, he finally looks up at the older. Seonghwa is looking at him but Yeosang can't describe what emotions his eyes convey and that makes him incredibly nervous. Was he going to chastise him for having a crush? Endangering the wellbeing of the group and being selfish.
"Don't look so scared honey it's okay." He reassure. "It's normal to develop feelings don't be ashamed of it. Now why didn't you confess to San yet?" He asks as if the answer wasn't obvious.
"He obviously doesn't like me back. It would be so awkward to get rejected and have to see him everyday after." He buries his face in his knees.
"How do you know he doesn't like you back?" Seonghwa says cryptically like he knows something Yeosang doesn't.
"He's San and I'm just... me." He huffs. Seonghwa frowns at his words.
"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're incredible and anyone would be very lucky to be with you." It did make his heart warm but it's still hard to believe. "Did you think about telling Wooyoung why you've been acting like that?"
"I can't tell him. He'll make me confess or he'll do it for me and i can't live with that."
"Then don't tell him who your crush is." That makes Yeosang pause, he hadn't thought about that he had been so focused on his fear that only solution seemed to be to avoid everything and everyone.
"What if he tries to make me spill it, he's very stubborn."
"I think that with the way it affected you just tell him that you're not ready and he'll probably back off long enough for you to move on. If that's what you still want to do. And if he doesn't back off I'll put Hongjoong on his case." That made sense, he just saw him pathetically crying in their oldest member's arms telling him he's not ready should be enough. He hopes.
"Thank you hyung."
~~
Talking with Wooyoung used to be so easy, when he needed to talk he'll just drag Wooyoung into his room and spill his heart out. As simple as that.
Now it feels almost impossible to get the man alone, he's always involved with another member and Yeosang can't just annouce to everyone he wants to talk to Wooyoung.
Fortunately he sees a chance to get him alone. The members are going out to eat but Wooyoung fell asleep on the couch after coming back from his rehearsal for his artist of the month. Yeosang didn't go with the rest, taking the opportunity to wait for the younger to wake up and talk to him alone.
He orders chicken and starts unpacking it in the kitchen, the smell must've woken up Wooyoung because soon after he sees him enter the kitchen and take out a water bottle from the fridge.
"Where are the others?" Wooyoung asks voice still rough from sleep.
"Out to eat." He answers simply. "I bought fried chicken, you want?" Yeosang offers him hoping he'll take the bait. Thankfully he does and sits down in the chair in front of Yeosang. It's his moment he has to do it now or he'll chicken out. "I'm sorry I've been keeping things from you." He blurts out .
Wooyoung looks up at him then puts his food down. "I'm sorry i got mad at you. You're obviously not ready to talk about it i shouldn't have reacted like that." He also apologizes, surprising Yeosang.
"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you away."
"I really had no right to get mad at you, it was stupid." Yeosang was about to argue again but Wooyoung puts his hand up stopping him. "We were both stupid and reacted badly." Yeosang nods and the two go back to their chicken for a while.
"I have a crush on someone, I've been trying to get over it. I avoided you because you would notice it and i didn't want you to know and make me confess." He blurts out before he could even stop his mouth. Wooyoung is silent for a minute, Yeosang started panicking he never should've said anything.
"You didn't confess yet?" He finally asks.
"No." Yeosang says shyly.
"Then why are you trying to move on already? They have a partner already?" Wooyoung questions.
"He obviously doesn't like me back Woo. I tried showing him that i liked him but he brushed it off everytime."
"You know some people are really oblivious. They need to have it spelled out to understand."
"He never showed any signs of liking me more than a friend. I don't want to make things awkward." He sighs.
"Who is it? Do i know him?" Wooyoung asks him, he knew it was coming but it doesn't stop the spike of anxiety shooting through him.
"I-i don't-" he starts to panic but Wooyoung cuts him off.
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." He reassure making Yeosang release his breath. "But can i still ask something?" He adds, Yeosang looks at him and nod once afraid of what it might be. "it's not me is it?"
That makes Yeosang huff a laugh, he'll never escape this will he. "No, it's not you." He says in a laugh.
"Yah, why are you laughing? Having a crush on me is not funny." Wooyoung whines. "On a serious note. Did you cry because if him that day?" He suddenly asks face serious.
"No. I was just really tired and i was scared I'd lost you." He mumbles kind if ashamed for his moment of weakness.
"You really think you'd lose me that easily? You can't get rid if me even if you tried." Wooyoung winks.
They fall into an easy conversation after that untill the other comes back to dorm to see them laughing together. They're visibly relieved to see the best friends back together. Yeosang had really missed his friend.